The Three

Pillars of SelfEsteem
Three Uncommon Ways to
Improve Your Self-Esteem

Author Peter Julian

WBLI and BrainSpeak.com

THE THREE PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM

he human ego is a fragile thing. As children, we create beliefs and values

that researchers tell us may dictate our destiny to our last day on Earth.
To that end, the creation of a healthy ego, including high self-esteem, is
imperative to the optimal functioning of our personality and a healthy outlook
on life and the world around us.
Solid self-esteem is an integral part of personal happiness and fulfilling
relationships. It is what we value, love, accept and appreciate about ourselves
and is echoed in the way we interact with others and confront the challenges of
life.

SO,

HOW CRITICAL IS GOO D SELF - EST EEM ?

High self-esteem is in reality a strong and accurate forecaster of strong

interpersonal relationships and exceptionally high motivation. High self-worth
and self-confidence are important forecasters of happiness and general
wellbeing. On the other hand, low self-esteem can predict out and out hostility,
criminal behavior, adolescent pregnancy, emotional illness, hopelessness and
even more.

T HE S OURCE

OF

L O W S ELF -E S TEEM

Simply put, reduced self-esteem is driven by our unconstructive inner-most

thoughts. The exact nature and quality of our personal thoughts, beliefs and
feelings are accurately mirrored as part of our behavior. Consequently if you
possess low self-esteem, it's precisely how you will conduct yourself, and
therefore shape your own perceived value.

T HE T HREE P ILLARS

OF

S ELF -E S TEEM

The key to improving self-esteem is to accept and love yourself just the way you
are, do not attempt to be someone else, but to elevate your self-image to
function in ways that will support your authentic self. The way to do that is
simple but not always easy because to change your level of self-worth, you must
first and foremost improve the quality of your thoughts.
There are literally thousands of books and personal development programs that
are designed to help you boost your self-esteem. Some are very good and
others, well, not so much. But, over the years I have found that even the bestmeaning, most intelligent authors tend to miss what I call the three pillars of
self-esteem.
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Ive found that focusing on improving these missing aspects of your self-worth
can radically change your thinking and the way you go through life.

P I LLA R #1: L ET G O

OF

F EA R , G U ILT & W OR R Y .

The first pillar of self-esteem that solidifies the foundation of a whole and
complete person is the ability to let go of fear, guilt, and worry. Because this is
closely identified with the notion of fault or blame, it involves adopting a
perspective and thought process that many find challenging to grasp because
the fact that we actually can rid ourselves of those burdens is not always
obvious to us.
Lets face it. Expending energy on the positive aspects of life is very difficult
when you're caught up in your own muck of misgivings with a maladjusted view
of yourself.
Imagine how good it would feel to let go of the weight of that emotional
albatross? Wouldn't it be wonderful to enjoy each day as if it were a gift instead
of a challenge to your psyche and spirit?
In reality, nothing prevents you from living each moment of every day without
the unrelenting burdensome bulk of fear, guilt, and worry trampling your spirit.
It's not impossible, nor is it extremely difficult with the right mindset.
You have the inner resources to teach yourself the difference between things in
your past that you can change and those you can't. With the proper level of
introspection, you can discover how to remove those mental blocks that keep
you mired in the grip of painful memories and debilitating negativity. Strive to
let go of things that haunt your past, start to enjoy the present, and plan for a
brighter future.
Unfortunately, most people are not be able to harness those inner resources
and self-teach themselves the difference between things that they can change
and those they can't and comfortably accept that reality, allowing them to live a
more joy filled, fearless life.
You, and only you, can make this significant change in your life. Occasionally,
you just may need a little help finding those resources within you. Once you do,
you will never be the same. You will never look back.
Here are a few uncommonly simple ways to help reduce the feelings of guilt,
fear and worry.
1. Identify those past things that you feel guilty about and decide which of
those you can change and which you cannot. Take action on those things
that you can change and identify the growth lesson in those that you
cannot and let them go.
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2. Eliminate the phrases if only I, I should have, etc. from your

vocabulary. These are statements of regret that perpetuate the feelings of
guilt. Lets be honest here. If you have learned what you need to know so
that you will never have to deal with a repeat performance and you
cannot do anything to change the situation, then you have fulfilled your
obligation.
3. Immediately shut down anyone who is trying to make you feel guilty.
Often the feelings of guilt are ignited by those closest to us (siblings, peers,
parents, spouses, etc.). If you find yourself in the crosshairs of someones
guilt-gun simply say these words to them Youre not trying to make
me feel guilty are you? Usually that will stop the aggressor in their tracks.
If they persist, simply repeat the phrase as many times as needed. This
refocuses the conversation on their behavior and off of the subject for
which they were trying to direct blame.
4. Focus your attention on the present. Fear and worry are all rooted in the
future. As humans we tend to look first for those possible events in the
future that can be harmful to us to the exclusion of all the other possible
pathways. The key is to identify and accentuate the other possible
pathways as possible alternative outcomes to those which we fear.
If you need further assistance with this particular issue, I recommend that you
take a look at the Dissolve Fear, Guilt & Worry program located at
BrainStreamCD.com.

P ILLAR #2: L EARN T O T RUST Y OUR "I LL UM INATED "

(A UTHENTIC ) S ELF
The second pillar is to regain that natural ability to trust and even relearn to
depend on your inner voice of wisdom and guidance. Some people call it
trusting your gut others refer to it as intuition or your sixth sense. I call it
being illuminated.
There's nothing more frustrating than knowing you can do much better in life
but just cannot seem to get there. Inside, you feel without a shred of doubt that
you are far more capable in general and that your true self is locked up inside
screaming to get out. Your heart tells you that you have the strength and
abilities heretofore unproven, but that they reside in you untapped. You can't
seem to get in touch with your higher self. You feel like you are in the dark,
stifled by your frustration.
As we progress through life it is common for most of us to lose contact with our
authentic and naturally intuitive selves. We begin to listen more to whats
happening on the outside and less and less to the important messages being
broadcast on the inside.

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Those who reconnect with those inner messages and live the illuminated life
shine a light on the deep sense of knowing that leads to unshakable
confidence and an ease of accomplishment.
As you begin to seek out that small, quiet voice inside, you start into a journey
of uplifting awareness and self-realization and with the proper attitude you can
at last come to rely on this pillar of self-esteem. As that voice gets louder with
awareness, your natural intuition and self-trust grows as you explore your
intuitive talents, psychic abilities, and powers of extra-sensory perception.
By raising your self-acceptance and recognizing the amazing creature known as
"you," your decisions become self-assured based not only on intelligent
decision-making, logic, and pragmatic realism but also the creativity that flows
from the deepest well of reserves in your being.
Here are a few quick tips as you begin to reconnect with your intuitive inner
voice of guidance:
1. Listen less to what is going on "outside" and more to what's going on
inside. This includes TV, newspapers, gossip, etc. Spend that time in a
quiet spot, not really thinking, but allow yourself the luxury of just being
for a few moments. Soon your inner voice will reemerge.
2. Ask yourself open-ended questions about the things in your life you are
struggling with. When you ask yourself questions, be quiet and actually
expect an answer. Simply, an open-ended question is one that is not
answered with a yes or no. HINT: How questions are far more
powerful than why questions.
3. Allow yourself the freedom to "feel" the answers to the challenges you
face. Your answers may not come as a "voice" but as a feeling or sense to
take action. With a little practice, youll become quite good at recognizing
these vibrational messages.
These may seem overly simple but this is where you must start.
When you realize the possibilities and begin to explore and experience the inner
illuminated you, your life immediately takes on a new meaning to you and
reflect that new meaning to those around you. You learn to rely on your
intuition to make better decisions, decisions that bring about more positive
results in your life. You virtually explode with a new found appreciation for
"you." For assistance in finding your illuminated self, go to BrainStreamCD

P ILLAR #3: L EARN T O L OVE Y OURSELF A S Y OU A RE , A S

W ELL A S A CC EPT O THERS A S T H EY A RE
The power of love is indelibly written in the sands of time. No wind of adversity
can ever cover over or eliminate the power of love. It has been extolled for
centuries in books, songs, and poetry. It is the strongest emotion and power in
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our human psyche. It is the vibrational essence that literally creates our
experience.
There can be no greater gift than the gift of love. With that gift, you'll benefit in
ways you've never imagined. Your family appreciates you more. Your friends
admire you more. You become the loving person you want to become and
deserve to be. Although love comes naturally, it sometimes requires one to step
outside the box for a different perspective to recognize it and accept it.
Once you learn the simple art of really loving yourself, your life transforms and
you begin to find new ways to embrace the love you know you deserve to feel
and, in so doing, improve your acceptance for yourself and those precious loved
ones around you.
Your life becomes warmed and tremendously enhanced by your spiritual
development and the realization of how easy it is to love and be loved. As you
flex this new ability, you reconnect with the emotions you may have been
unable to express, either to yourself or others and that is true personal power.
By learning how to truly feel love and how to let others love you, you become
more aware of the truest blessings in your life and you can share them more
effectively.
Here are some simple things you can do to tap into the Power of Love:
1. Understand that the vibration of Love is the highest vibration you can
experience. When you focus on the feeling of love, you cannot hold a
negative feeling at the same time.
2. Make a mental list of the things and people you love in your life as often
as you can every day. This will allow you to build the power of consciously
focusing on the blessings in your life rather than being swallowed by the
negatives. By practicing this simple task, you will find that you begin to
experience more of what you want in your life and less of what you dont
want.
3. Realize that you are a magnificent and powerful being created to love and
be loved. Believe it and you become it.
4. Actually expect everyday miracles as you focus on what you love about
yourself, your life and others.
Sometimes it takes just the right keys to open new doors. Embrace the
potentials within yourself and you will have the keys to open all the doors in
your mind, your heart, and your life. For more information on a new and
powerful approach to raising your self-esteem I highly recommend that you
visit: BrainStreamCD.com.

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