Legal Jokes to make you Laugh;

Last year I replaced all the windows in my house with those expensive, double-pane, energyefficient kind.
Today, I got a call from Home Depot who installed them. He complained that the work had been
completed a year ago and I still hadn't paid for them.
Helloooo, just because I'm blonde doesn't mean that I am automatically stupid.
So, I told him just what his fast-talking sales guy told me last year... that these windows would
pay for themselves in a year. Hellooooo? It's been a year, so they're paid for, I told him.
There was only silence at the other end of the line, so I finally hung up. He never called back. I
bet he felt like an idiot.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------A man went to his lawyer and told him, "My neighbour owes me $500 and he doesn't want to pay
up. What should I do?"
"Do you have any proof? asked the lawyer. "Nope," replied the man.
"Okay, then write him a letter asking him for the $1,000 he owes you," said the lawyer.
"But its only $500!" replied the man.
"Precisely, that's what he will reply and we will have the proof we need," said the lawyer.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------The professor of a Contract Law class asked one of his better students, "If you were to give
someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was outraged. No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then replied, "Ok. I will tell him - "I hereby give and convey to you all and singular,
my estate and interests, rights, claim, title and advantages of and in, said orange, together with
all its rind, juice, pulp and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut,
freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind
and seeds,
Anything herein before and hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever
nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding."
-----------------------------------------------------------------------A dog ran into a butcher shop and grabbed a roast off the counter.
Fortunately, the butcher recognised the dog as belonging to a neighbour of his.
The neighbour happened to be a lawyer.

Incensed at the theft, the butcher called up his neighbour and said,
"Hey, if your dog stole a roast from my butcher shop, would you be liable for the cost of the
meat?"
The lawyer replied, "Of course, how much was the roast?" "$7.98."
A few days later the butcher received a cheque in the mail for for $7.98. Attached to it was an
invoice that read : 'Legal Consultation Service: $150.
-----------------------------------------------------------------------The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school. He
graduated with Honours, and then went home to join his father's legal firm.
At the end of his first day at work he rushed into his father's office, and said, "Father, you
know what, in one day I managed to solve the accident case that you've been working on for 10
years!"
His father responded : " You idiot, we lived on the funding of that case for 10 years!"
======================================================================

Need Success and Happiness? Work on your thoughts;

There is a famous saying that we are the product of our thoughts. Hence this article is
written to understand the importance of thoughts, their contributing factors, thought
analysis and purification techniques.
During all day we keep thinking about things, events, families, issues, future, money,
office and several other stuff. Our thoughts drive us to take some actions and hence we
are moving towards our destiny by each and every action. That means our thought is the
strongest part of our destiny as it is the root cause of every action. In my opinion, our
Thoughts Process primarily consists of following five contributing factors. I will include
some of the details of each factor and summarize the Thought Purification tips under
each category below:
1. Education: - Education broadens the horizon of our minds. More education means
that the mind is exposed to more knowledge and possibilities. Education when combined
with experience result in more mental growth as compared to a less educated person.
Hence the quality of thoughts are directly linked with the education. So to keep our
'thoughts seeds' healthy we must seek for Good knowledge, the knowledge which
freshen up our brain cells, which gives us positive energy and boosts up our mental
power. So we must keep learning new things throughout our life in order to synergize.
2. Desires: - This is sometimes a killing factor. For example, If we let our brain running
behind our desires blindly, we will end up with considering short-cuts in our life for
achievements. These short cuts basically kill the purity of thoughts and consequently
bound us doing social evils such as back-biting, lying, deceiving, stealing, fraud, bribery
and other forms of corruption. Hence, we have to have sold control on our desires to
control this phenomenon. But this does not mean, we should drop our genuine desires.
Remember, Positive desires combined with Positive Thoughts and Actions will result in
success. However Positive Desires combined with Negative Thoughts and Action will
result in crimes which I just mentioned above.
3. Brought up: - Each one of us has been brought up in a unique way by our parents.
Some of us have been grown in very healthy physical and mental family environment.
Some have mixed kind of situations both positive and negative in terms of finance,
family bonding and social lives. Our mental growth has been based on all the events
which have been taking place in our childhood, teenage and even our current day to day

life. We can't go back to past to change our brought-up but what we can do is to drop
the negative part of our past and tightly hold on to the positive one. It's pretty much
straight forward. If we wish to keep the Negative things in mind, that means we are
polluting your brain and your 'Thinking System'. So the choice is ours!
4. Company (family & friends):- This is something we can really work on to make our
life happy. A mature 'human environment' is an indication of healthy mental growth. We
must always try to surround yourself with positive, fun-loving, friendly, optimistic,
constructive, cheerful and bright people so the brain is free from stress consequently
brain will automatically start working on positive thoughts. When with family, we should
always endeavour for creating a happy environment by meeting the logical desires of
family members, cracking jokes, listening empathically. This helps divert the brain
towards positive feelings and hence our upcoming thoughts would be mature, positive
and stress-free.
5. Circumstances:- Good and bad things happen to everyone but we must not throw
ourselves totally on our circumstances. It is said that life is 20% what happens to us and
80% how we react to it. So consider every challenge as a new adventure and try to
adopt a positive approach for a safe exit. Control your circumstance by surrounding
yourself with positive people, behaving good with others, taking corrective and
preventive measures for any mishaps. There are situations when we don't have control
on the events happened to us. In this case, we don't have much choice but to live with
the situation. However we shouldn't let such things steal our peace of mind. So we need
to seek help from others and try to find solution. It is advised not to get involved too
much for any situation. It is wisely said by someone that if you can't laugh on the same
joke again and again so why worrying on the same trouble again and again!
Conclusion:- You are the product of your thoughts. Quality of your thoughts determines
the level of peace of mind. Good thoughts result in good fruit, bad thoughts bad fruit. So
every seed of thought matters. Always remember: Small minds think and discuss about
people, average minds think and discuss about events, higher minds think and discuss
about ideas and great mind actually execute & innovate in silence.

Second appendix;
Santa calls up the doc at 2 AM. "Doc, my wife is having severe abdomen pain. I think it's her
appendix."
"What nonsense!" says the doc sleepily.
"I took out your wife's appendix two years ago. Go back to sleep."
Five minutes later, the phone rings and it's Santa again.
"Doc, I'm sure it's her appendix."
"Oh God!" the doctor groaned.
"Did you ever hear of anyone having a second appendix?"
"No...," says Santa. "But I'm sure you must have heard of someone having a second wife..!!!!"

The Way to Feel Good is to Do Good;

The way to feel good is to do good. The way to feel successful is to take
the actions that bring about success.
You cannot truly feel what you do not truly live. Be honest and authentic
with yourself, with others, and with life, because anything less is just
cheating yourself.
Spend this day being a unique and enthusiastic expression of life's
goodness. See how much of a positive difference you can make, and
experience what a genuine, positive feeling you get from doing so.
Seek to add richness to the lives of others and be delighted at how much
richness it brings into your own life. Do something good and useful just
because it is the right thing to do, and discover how right it feels.
Let go of the tiresome fight to gain advantage, and direct your energy
toward appreciating and creating goodness. Move beyond the need to
prove yourself and focus instead on improving all of life.
Give more and more of your own unique goodness to those around you, to
the world, and to life. And feel the outstanding richness as it grows
increasingly abundant for you.
10 Signs Someone Is Smarter Than You
Unless you think you're the smartest, who doesn't want to be smarter? Of course I want to be smarter
too, so I try to find out who's the real smart guy that maybe I can learn from. James Gardner has got
me an answer on Quoraabout whether someone's smart or not.
Here are the signs of smart people:
1.They don't talk as much as you do, because they know they got smart by listening.
2.They know lots of things other than what they're specialised in. Theirs is the gift of a broad mind,
constantly fed with the stimulant of being interested in what everyone else is doing.
3.They juggle home, work and personal interests with dexterity and never fall back on the tired old
refrain about "work life balance". And when they're juggling, they somehow manage to seem 100%
engaged with what they're doing, on all fronts simultaneously, even though you know they're taking
appropriate steps behind the scenes to make sure their lives are perfectly, serenely balanced.
4.They probably do social media. Not always, but probably. It is not only another chance to listen, but
one they use to ensure they can feed their brains with things they otherwise won't have come across.
5. Even when things go very badly wrong, they'll be smiling. Smart people never get ruffled because
their smart brains present them with alternatives faster than the bad stuff can happen.
6.They know they are usually the smartest person in the room, but they don't spend their time
dwelling on that. Instead, they take it as a personal challenge to see if they can make everyone else
the smartest person in the room too.
7.If they are managers, they will make every effort to get people smarter, more connected and more
popular than them in their teams. They're not threatened because they know that smartness is
synergistic. They also make sure that their smart people get to look smarter than them for the same
reason.

8.They have hidden skills that never get rolled out until they're needed. They don't have any need to
show their full capabilities for reasons of proving they're better than others.
9.They may or may not have expensive educations. You'd never know just by being with them unless
you had their CV in front of you.
10.They never, ever, under any circumstances, make you look stupid, even though it would be easy to
do so. They've learned through bitter experience that the only thing that happens when you make
someone look bad is you look bad yourself.
Now you should know who the smart people are. If you want to be the smart one, let me give you this
extra advice from Steve Jobs "Stay hungry. Stay foolish."

Boss is Always Right ;

Boss: There are 50 bricks on an aeroplane. If you drop 1 outside. How many are left?
Employee: That's easy, 49.
Boss: What are the three steps to put an elephant into a fridge?
Employee: Open the fridge. Put the elephant in. Close the fridge.
Boss: What are the four steps to put a deer into the fridge?
Employee: Open the fridge. Take the elephant out. Put the deer in. Close the fridge.
Boss: It's lion's birthday, all animals are there except one, why?
Employee: Because the deer is in the fridge.
Boss: How does an old woman cross a swamp filled with crocodiles?
Employee: She just crosses it because the crocodiles are at the lion's birthday.
Boss: Last question. In the end the old lady still died. Why?
Employee: Ere.... I guess she drowned.... errr...
Boss: No! She was hit by the brick fallen from the aeroplane. Thats the problem, you are not
focused on your job.... You may leave now!
Moral: No matter how much you know or how much you are prepared. If your Boss has decided to
screw you then you are surely screwed.

Height of overconfidence:
There was a meeting of Bihar state freedom fighters.
They wanted to free. Bihar from India.
Ram bhaiya raised a point...,
"We may take Bihar from India but how will we develop it?"
Shayam bhaiya had a brainwave. "No problem!
We will attack America, we will lose the war and USA will take us over...
Then we will become a State of USA & develop automatically...!
We will also become direct citizens of USA. No more Visas & Green Cards."

All the Bhaiyas were overjoyed with this solution, but an old bhaiya was not.
Someone asked him why he wasn't happy.
The old bhaiya replied,
"That's all very well....,
"But what would happen if by chance we won & took over America?"

Why Charity is Important ;

In today's materialistic society, charity is often seen as low priority. However the reality is that the
community we live in has a huge influence on us personally it fosters safety, responsibility and
sustainability so it is important that we take our community seriously for the greater good of
humanity and for our own personal benefit.
Most importantly though, you'll gain an appreciation for what REALLY matters and it's not fame or
fortune!
After-all, there are many high-profiled people who are great believers in charity and the planet.
Bill Gates donates millions of dollars to charities, Bob Geldoff and U2's Bono are great crusaders
against world poverty, and many other celebrities offer money and their time to a variety of
causes.
Yes, these people have the money to give and their image has done pretty well out of their
endeavours but at the heart of their generosity is the genuine desire to make a difference. And
they do.
But, you don't need lots of money or fame to contribute to the community we all can.
It is my honest belief that we should all help those less fortunate than ourselves and trust me, if
you have the resources to be able to read this article on-line, then there are lots of people out
there who are less fortunate!
Whether this help is financial through appropriate donations or through donating your time as a
volunteer doesn't really matter, but we should all feel some social responsibility to do something.
Everyone can do something. YOU can do something. If you don't have the time, DONATE. If you can't
afford to donate money, VOLUNTEER and offer your time or services.
Making Donations
As a general guide, aim to donate 10% of your income to charity. You may have heard the phrase,
"Charity starts at home" so make sure your budget can afford it!
Pick a cause that you believe in the most. All charities are worthwhile, but which ones are YOU
passionate about? Go help them, help them on weekly or monthly basis.

Naughty Dose of Laughter;

A hunter kills a deer and brings it home. He decides to clean and serve the venison for supper.
He knows his kids are fussy eaters, and won't eat it if they know what it is - so he does not tell
them.
His little boy keeps asking him, "What's for supper?" "You'll see", says his dad.
They start eating supper and his daughter keeps asking what they're eating. "Ok," says her dad,
"here's a hint, its what your mother sometimes calls me."
"We're eating asshole!!", she screams.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------A guy goes up to a girl in a bar and says,
"You want to play 'Magic'?"
She says, "What's that?"
He says,
"We go to my house and fuck, and then you disappear."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------A deep-sea diver is twenty feet below sea level when he sees another guy with no scuba gear. He
goes down another thirty feet, and the guy with no equipment stays with him.
He takes out a waterproof chalkboard and writes, "How the hell can you stay down this deep
without equipment?"
The guy takes the chalkboard and writes, "You asshole, I'm drowning."
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------"I've got some good news and some bad news" the doctor says.
"What's the bad news?" asks the patient. "The bad news is that unfortunately you've only got 3
months to live".
The patient is taken back, "What's the good news then Doctor?". The doctor points over to the
secretary at the front desk,
"You see that blonde with the big breasts, tight ass and legs that go all the way up to heaven?",
the patient shakes his head and the doctor replies, "I'm fucking her."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What you can do with Now

Even when the day gets off to a bad start you can still give it a good
ending. Just because you have been unproductive doesn't mean you have
to stay that way.
Look back at the opportunities you've missed just long enough to give
yourself a little inspiration. Then look ahead to the opportunities that you
now can fulfill.

What's important now is what you can do with now. This is the first moment
of a more effective, more productive, more purposeful you.
The delays, setbacks and disappointments are over. It is now time to leave
the excuses behind as you move persistently ahead.
Sit still for a moment and absorb the amazing energy of opportunity that is
now yours. Then stand up and get busy making meaningful use of all that
opportunity.
What you can do with now is whatever you choose. Choose the best, and
find real joy in lifting your whole world higher.
Hobbies of Husband
A woman went shopping, At cash counter she opened her purse to pay. The cashier noticed a TV
remote in her purse.
He couldn't control his curiosity and asked, "Do you always carry your TV remote with you?"
She replied, "No, not always, but my husband refused to accompany me for shopping today...
The story continues...
The shopkeeper laughs and takes back all the items that lady had purchased.
Shocked at this act, she asks the shopkeeper, "What are you doing?" He said your husband has
blocked your credit card.
MORAL: Respect the hobbies of your husband.

Pick Up in the Rain

One night, at 11:30 PM, an older African American woman was standing on
the side of an Alabama highway trying to endure a lashing rain storm. Her
car had broken down and she desperately needed a ride. Soaking wet, she
decided to flag down the next car. A young white man stopped to help her generally unheard of in those conflict-filled 1960s. The man took her to
safety, helped her get assistance and put her into a taxi cab. She seemed
to be in a big hurry! She wrote down his address, thanked him and drove
away.
Seven days went by and a knock came on the man's door. To his surprise, a
giant gift was delivered to his home. A special note was attached. It read:
"Thank you so much for assisting me on the highway the other night. The
rain drenched not only my clothes but my spirits. Then you came along.
Because of you, I was able to make it to my dying husband's bedside just
before he passed away. God bless you for helping me and unselfishly
serving others."
Offer help to anyone who needs it

Thank others for helping you.

If you help someone. Someone will help you.
Treat people the way you want them to treat you

What is your favorite room in your home?

Bedroom
Livingroom
Dining room
Bathroom
Kitchen
Balcony
Study or Den
None at all
Analysis Below:a) Bed Room:- You are an imaginative and colorful character. You Believe
in true love but until you find it, you'll have fun flirting. You attract people
just by the way you talk. This can make insecure people feel jealous.
b) Living Room:- You are sociable and enjoy talking to people. Whenever
you have the opportunity, you'll help people. You don't shirk responsibility,
and in fact enjoy taking on leadership roles.
c) Dining Room:- You are conservative, cautious and don't panic in
emergencies. You are an extrovert, and like sharing ideas with people.
However, yu also need to spend time alone to organize your thoughts.
d) Bath Room:- You take good care of yourself and are concerned about
your health. When you hear about any new illnesses, you start watching
out for the first symptoms to appear. This can sometimes annoy your
friends. However, you look at the world on the bright side, and this makes
you quite popular.
e) Kitchen:- Easygoing and altruistic, you are most happy when taking
care of others. While at times you can be boisterous, you make people feel
comfortable around you and they always seek your advice when they have
problems.
f) Balcony:- You love freedom and hate to be controlled. You want to walk
away from all the rules and rely on your imagination to direct your life
instead. When you need to reenergize yourself, you head to thebeach or to

the forest.
g) Study or den:- You take life seriously and like things to be neat and in
order. Proud and dignified, you don't like to be mocked. You are a good
listener even when you disagree with other people's ideas.
h) None at all:- You are interested in the people around you and don't pay
much heed to material goods. You are helpful and considerate to your
family, and in return they love you dearly.
Positive Momentum
Even if you're not sure exactly what you'll do next, go ahead and do what you can do first. The way
to establish positive momentum is to get started, and to proceed with determination and
commitment.
When you're in motion, momentum is a powerful positive force that can keep you moving forward.
But if you're doing nothing, the momentum of idleness will work against you and hold you back.
So by all means, using whatever it takes, get yourself going. Even a little bit of effort and forward
progress can begin to change momentum in your favor.
Set a small goal and do the work to reach that goal. Then move immediately on to bigger things.
The process of achievement feels good, even though it may be difficult and challenging. Get
yourself enjoying and looking forward to that good feeling of making a difference, and put the
momentum of achievement on your side.
There is something good and meaningful you can achieve right now, once you choose to make it
happen. Get going, get busy making a difference, and get the power of positive momentum pushing
you forward.