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"Lean too much upon the approval of people, and it becomes a bed of
thorns." Chinese Proverb
Show Me My Circumplex
Low self-esteem
Preoccupation with the opinions of others
An over-concern with being "popular" and well-liked
A tendency to be too agreeable, "wishy-washy" and compliant
Difficulties with conflict, negotiation and confrontation
Your results on this style, as indicated by the , are in the medium range. Thus it is
likely that you'll find the following to be descriptive of you:
Look at your score carefully to determine its closeness to the High or Low range. If
you scored closer to the High range, you tend to feel it is important to be liked and
accepted by others. Consequently, you sometimes go out of your way to gain
approval, and may feel disappointed and resentful when you don't receive it.
If you scored closer to the Low range, you are not as likely to have a strong need
for approval. While you may occasionally "go along to get along," you more often
prefer to voice your opinions, and tend to be guided by your own beliefs and values.
People with scores in the high and low ranges may exhibit different thinking and
behavioral tendencies that those described above. While your score did not fall in
those ranges, you may find the following descriptions useful:
You typically work too hard to gain the approval of others. If you do not get people's
full acceptance, you tend to feel anxious. Although you may not always agree, you
probably "go along" with others too easily and often.
You appreciate approval when it comes your way, but you do not need it. Not
needing approval frees you to speak and act according to your own feelings, and to
rely on your own judgment and instincts. Because you are not preoccupied with
being accepted by others, you can concentrate on your own growth and fulfillment.
Note: In this section, statements that are followed by a green , indicate statements
that are relevant to your profile. Other statements, followed by a red , indicate
statements that may not apply directly to you. These statements may still be of
interest in that they describe how the different styles work together.
Your Conventional (4 o'clock position) and Dependent (5 o'clock position) scores are
likely to be influenced by your Approval score. All three styles are concerned with
protecting one's sense of security and sustaining self-worth by doing what others
expect.
Strengthening your Self-Actualizing (12 o'clock position) and HumanisticEncouraging (1 o'clock position) behavior can help reduce a higher Approval score.
Instead of worrying about others' feelings toward them, individuals using these two
styles focus on how they feel about others, and are able to consistently
demonstrate their appreciation for people. In short, they are able to care rather than
having to be cared for.
Your score for the Affiliative (2 o'clock position) style can be affected by a higher
Approval score. Approval-seeking results in one-sided relationships: while you want
others to demonstrate good feelings toward you, you may be unable to return these
feelings. In contrast, the Affiliative style is characterized by the ability to form
meaningful relationships based on mutual caring and respect.
The more these statements describe you, the more you currently need Approval:
Voice your own opinions. Learn to think and act for yourself. Accept the fact that not
everything you do will be met with approval.
Learn to become more self-directed by setting some personal goals. Start by setting
a goal around something simple, work to accomplish it, and congratulate yourself
on your achievement.
Recognize that you are a valuable person simply because you're you - not because
people like or approve of you.
Realize that approval-seeking can result in one-sided relationships. Others may take
advantage of you knowing that you won't complain and risk losing their approval.
Practice facing confrontations. Learn to handle conflict constructively.
Examine your need for approval, and think about how you may have developed it.
Ask yourself why you accepted this need in the first place, and why you continue to
accept it.
Talk to yourself when you encounter disapproval. Tell yourself that the words and
actions of another are just that; no more, no less. They do not affect your feelings of
self-worth unless you allow them to.
Write down what you hear yourself say. Learn to identify and change speech
patterns that reflect a need for approval.
Recognize your strong points. Write down all the things that make you special, and
refer to this list often. Learn to focus on your unique strengths and skills.
Reducing a need for Approval can result in these benefits: