A Brief Guide To Serbian Weddings

By Miles Milos Smoljo

Updated May 2015

INTRODUCTION
Weddings are wonderful events, but they can be challenging for those responsible for planning
and managing them. Proper preparation is the best way to ensure a well-organized wedding.
This brief guide to traditional Serbian weddings is based on my experience as both a Serbian
wedding "Domain" and a seasoned wedding guest, and will hopefully provide some helpful
advice in planning your Serbian wedding.
MEMBERS OF THE WEDDING PARTY
Serbian weddings traditionally have the following as members of a wedding party (or Bridal
party):
Mlada - The Bride
Mladoenja - The Bridegroom (or Groom)
Kum - The Bridal Couple's Godfather
Kuma - The Bridal Couple's Godmother
Stari Svat - The Bridal Couple's Elder
Stara Svatica - The Bridal Couple's Eldress (and the Stari Svat's wife; if the Stari Svat is
unmarried, then there is normally no Stara Svatica in the Bridal party)
Dever - The Bridal Couple's Best Man (traditionally the Groom's oldest brother)
Barjaktar - The Standard-bearer of the Serbian Flag (you can also add a second Barjaktar for the
flag of your country of residence)
Domain - The wedding's host and Master Of Ceremonies
Please note that in modern times, North American and other wedding traditions have often been
incorporated into Serbian weddings, so that many Serbian wedding parties now have ushers,
bridesmaids, flower girls and ring boys.

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PRE-WEDDING CHECKLIST
1) Book the hall. (And choose the supper menu.)
2) Call your Serbian Orthodox Christian priest to make the appropriate arrangements for the
wedding ceremony and the wedding rehearsal. It is advisable to speak with your priest
before you book the hall, to ensure that you do not schedule a wedding date that falls at a
time of the year when the Serbian Orthodox Christian Church does not allow wedding
ceremonies (there are several such periods in the Orthodox Christian Church calendar).
3) Book the band and/or a DJ.
4) Book the photographer.
5) Book the videographer.
6) Book the florist.
7) Order and mail the invitations.
8) Arrange for the appropriate members of the wedding party.
9) Arrange for dresses/tuxedos.
10) Schedule a meeting for the Bridal couple's families to meet to discuss the details of the
wedding. I cannot stress highly enough the importance of this meeting and that it should be
held as soon as possible. Serbian weddings are as much for the parents as they are for the
Bride and Groom, so it is important for all immediate family members to be involved. It is
especially important to decide which Serbian "traditions" will be followed on the wedding
day. Schedules for Serbian wedding days are very tightly organized, so try to make as many
planning decisions as possible prior to the wedding day.
11) Make a seating plan for the wedding. Don't wait until the last wedding invitation comes
back to make your seating plan. Start making a preliminary seating plan at least one month
before the wedding, and then modify it as needed. Are you inviting the priest to the
wedding? Make sure he and his wife (if she is attending) have a good seat.
12) Dance Lessons. Many married couples, when they look back on their wedding videos, say
they wish they had taken dancing lessons so that their special Bridal couple "first dance" was
more polished. This is, of course, an entirely personal decision between the Bride and
Groom. However, if the decision is made to take lessons, then start taking them well in
advance, perhaps three or four months before the wedding. Most dance studios offer special
courses for Bridal couple dance preparation. Also, pick your song early, and if possible,
have it shortened (this can be done on computer) to no more than 2 minutes. This may
sound short, but when you are out on the dance floor by yourselves, 2 minutes will seem
more than long enough, and your wedding guests will be grateful for a brief and tasteful
"first dance."

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13) Ask the members of the Bridal party and the parents of both the Bride and Groom if they
want to make speeches. In my experience, at least the Bridal couple, Kum, Stari Svat and
Dever should make speeches. Strongly suggest to all those who want to make speeches that
they should write their speeches out beforehand, and that their speeches should be no longer
than five minutes.
14) Arrange to have traditional Serbian rosemary boutonnieres made for the wedding guests (the
guests are referred to in Serbian as the svatovi). I strongly recommend that you make 10%
more boutonnieres than the number of guests you expect. I don't know what happens to
these boutonnieres, but somehow Serbian weddings always seem to run out of them, which
is unfortunate and disrespectful to your wedding guests.
SERBIAN WEDDING TRADITIONS
Serbian culture is filled with a great number of wonderful and fascinating wedding traditions.
However, when talking about Serbian wedding traditions, two things must be kept in mind.
Firstly, most of these wedding traditions were developed before the 20th centurybefore the use
of cars. Back in those days, travel was by foot or animal-driven cart, and most people lived in
farming communities where life followed a very different rhythm. It was common back then for
Serbian weddings to last three entire days, which allowed for the luxury of time. Today, we don't
have that luxury of time. We have, in most cases, only one day to do it all. Which means that
most couples planning a Serbian wedding today, especially in a modern city, will have to be
careful about which traditions they choose to incorporate into their wedding day. Secondly,
every Serbian region has its own unique traditions, which gives us the saying, "A hundred
villages, a hundred traditions" (sto sela, sto obiaja). Nevertheless, it is these various authentic
Serbian customs that give the traditional Serbian wedding its rich and unique cultural flavour.
Below is a short list of some of the more common Serbian wedding traditions:
1) SASHES: In a Serbian wedding party, it is traditional for the Kum, Stari Svat, Dever &
Domain to wear a sash diagonally on their torso. The Dever's sash should be white and
should be pinned on by the Bride.
2) UTURA: The Domain should always be wearing a traditional Serbian wooden canteen
a uturawhich is filled with plum brandy or some other traditional Serbian brandy.
Whenever the Domain is addressing the wedding party (aside from the formal speeches at
the wedding reception), he should be holding aloft the utura.
3) BARJAKTAR ALWAYS LEADS: Whenever the wedding party is travelling as a group, the
Barjaktar (or Barjaktari, if there are two flags) always leads the way. So when the Groom's
party comes to the Bride's house, the Barjaktar is the first out of the car or limo. When the
Bridal party comes to the Church, the Barjaktar leads the way. When the Bridal party is
introduced at the reception, the Barjaktar is the first to be introduced.
4) MEETING OF THE FATHERS: A traditional Serbian wedding begins at the Groom's
house, where the Groom, Kum, Stari Svat, Dever, Barjaktar, Domain and Groom's family
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and close friends begin the day's festivities with some food and drink. Then the Groom and
his people travel to Bride's house. There at the Bride's house, the first two people to greet
each other are the father of the Bride and the father of the Groom. They also exchange
bottles of brandy, open the bottles and drink from them. Then the rest of the party can
exchange greetings. Some Serbs also hold to a tradition where the two fathers, along with
the Domain, briefly share food and drink privately in a separate room before joining the
rest of the guests in the morning festivities.
5) SHOOTING OF THE APPLE: For this tradition, an apple is hung high in a tree near the
Bride's house. When the Groom arrives at the Bride's house on the morning of the wedding
day, he must shoot down the apple with a rifle before he is allowed into the house. While
this tradition is fine back in Serbias villages where farmers routinely hunt and know how to
expertly use guns, in city areas this is a very dangerous practice, and in modern times there
have been news reports in Serbia of urban weddings where people have been accidently
shot. In my opinion, a wedding has enough risks involved without adding the potential
catastrophe of drunken men shooting off firearms in a suburban neighbourhood. If the
Bridal party insists on incorporating this tradition, I would suggest a modified practice I
have seen used successfully and safely: hang an apple from a tree branch, an arch or even
an eavestrough, and then give the Bridegroom a long-enough pole with a hook on the end to
unhook the apple and bring it to the ground. Tradition is satisfied and no one gets
accidentally shot!
6) BUYING OF THE BRIDE: This is a very "old-fashioned" Serbian wedding custom that
some choose to do while others don't. If you want to incorporate this custom, it goes like
this: when the Groom's party comes to the Bride's house, the Bride is "hidden" inside the
house. After some eating, drinking and dancing, the time comes to slowly begin preparing
to leave for Church. At this point, the Groom and his Kum must immediately leave for the
Church (the Groom is not allowed to see the Bride on their wedding day until she is escorted
into the Church by her father). When the Groom and Kum have left, the Domain then
loudly announces that the Groom's party has come to the Brides house to undertake a task
of great importance! They have come to bring a beautiful "flower" to Church, to be joined
with the one who is meant for her. And they are willing to pay handsomely for this rare
flower! The Domain then calls upon the Dever to negotiate with the Bride's eldest brother
(or another of the Bride's male family members) for the Bride. This "buying" is, of course,
just humorous playacting, and the main fun is to be had in the "negotiations." Normally the
Dever will start with an offer of some small amount, perhaps twenty dollars, and the Bride's
brother will give him something like a picture of Bride for this unsatisfactory offer. The
Dever then ups the offer, and the Bride's brother gives him other things or people for these
higher offers, like one of the bridesmaids, or an old woman, or even a man in a dress or
wedding gown. The Dever, of course, while expressing exaggerated dissatisfaction with
being denied the Bride for his Groom, is not put off by these things and valiantly ups the
price until he satisfies the Bride's brother, who then brings out the Bride! The Dever then
announces to the Domain that they have finally received the flower for which they have
come! The Domain then greets the Bride and presents her to the Groom's father. The
Groom's father then gives a short speech welcoming the Bride to his family and offers a
toast in her honour. The Bride is then greeted by the Stari Svat and a kolo is danced as the
Bridal party and guests leave for Church. If you choose to include this tradition, I strongly
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recommend that the Dever and Bride's brother work out their little "act" ahead of time,
agreeing on how many offers will be made and what the final price will be. The final price
in these "negotiations" is usually in the neighbourhood of a couple of hundred dollars, which
the Dever pays, and the money is given later to the Bride and Groom (this usually serves as
the Devers gift to the Bridal couple). In fairness to the Dever, the "final price" shouldn't be
set too high, and shouldn't be changed on the day of the wedding after a prior agreement is
made. The playacting for the "buying of the Bride" is often the most entertaining part of the
day and should be filled with nothing but goodwill. Note: once the Bride is "bought", the
Dever stays by the Bride's side until she enters the Church with her father. In the olden days
when brides were sometimes kidnapped to extract a ransom from families making weddings,
the Dever was in charge of security for the Bride during the important journey from her
parent's house to the Church. During this journey in those olden days, it was not unusual for
the Bride to travel in a large and heavily armed company of family members from both
sides.
7) THE KUM'S MONEYBAG: Directly after the wedding ceremony and the usual
congratulations to the Bridal couple from those in attendance, the guests then wait outside
the Church to cheer the Bride and Groom. As the Bridal party exits the Church, the
Barjaktar stops to one side at the top of the Church stairs and the Kum and Kuma stand
beside him, along with the Bride and Groom. The Kum has a "bag" filled with coin money
(which sometimes also includes wrapped chocolates or candy). The guests then yell out to
the Kum that his "moneybag" is burning (Kume, izgore ti kesa!), and the Kum in response
starts throwing the coins into the crowd of guests, who then pick up the money! Once the
Kum's "moneybag" is empty, then the Bridal party joins the guests outside the Church for a
traditional Kolo dance.
8) STEALING THE BRIDE'S SHOE: At some point on the day of the wedding, after the
wedding ceremony (usually at the wedding reception), the Bride may find that someone
"steals" her shoe right off her foot. This is a jesting Serbian wedding custom. The idea here
is that without her shoe, the Bride can't dance, and if the Bride can't dance, then no one can
dance, and so you no longer have a wedding. The "solution" to this "problem" is to have the
shoe-stealer immediately take the stage (the band should play along with this) and announce
that he will accept a "ransom" for the shoe from the wedding guests, and when he is given
enough money, he will return the shoe to the Bride. A youngster can help the shoe-stealer
collect ransom from guests in a box or bowl. When the shoe-stealer is satisfied, he gives the
shoe and the money to the Bride. I find this to be a cute tradition (as long as it's kept short
and the shoe-stealer doesn't hold out for too much money) that adds a little humour and light
drama to the evening It also helps raise a little extra money for the Bridal couple, which is
always a good thing!
9) VARIOUS BRIDAL TRADITIONS: Heres a very short list of some traditions followed by
brides at Serbian weddings:
i.

The first time after the wedding that the Bride comes to her in-laws' house, she
throws a spoon of honey over the house; if the spoon lands honey-side up, it's a good
sign.
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ii.

The Bride holds a young male child on her lap at some point during the wedding day,
after the wedding ceremony.

iii.

When the Bride steps out of the car after the wedding ceremony, she must first step
on her right foot in order to ensure good fortune.

WEDDING DAY SCHEDULE

1) The Groom's Parents' Home
2) The Bride's Parents' Home
3) The Church
4) Before The Reception
5) The Reception
REMINDERS & POINTERS FOR THE DAY OF THE WEDDING
1) GENERAL SPIRIT OF THE DAY: While weddings are times of great celebration, they are
also, in the Serbian Orthodox Christian tradition, the beginning of one of life's most
important spiritual journeysa solemn mutual oath of love and loyalty taken before God. A
Serbian wedding must always retain its essential Orthodox Christian character and maintain
a good balance between celebration and holiness, and it is the Domain's duty to keep the
wedding day festivities on the right path. I have a friend who plays in a Serbian band and
has played at more than a hundred Serbian weddings, and he once shared this observation
with me: the mood of the wedding guests always reflects the mood of the Bridal party and
the head table. If the head table is quiet or miserable, that's how the guests will be. If the
head table gets too drunk or unruly, so will many of the guests. And if the head table is
happy and celebrating in just the right way, the wedding guests will follow suit. Veselo i
astno! A Serbian Orthodox Christian wedding day should be both merry and honourable!
2) BLESSING/PRAYER BEFORE SUPPER: Supper should not start at a Serbian Orthodox
Christian wedding reception until a blessing/prayer is read. If a priest is in attendance at the
wedding reception, then he performs a brief blessing. If there is no priest at the reception,
then the Domain or someone else can lead a brief prayer, usually a recitation of The Lords
Prayer (Ote Na in Crkvenoslovenski or Oe Na in modern Serbian). This blessing or
prayer cannot be started until there is at least salt and bread on the dining tables (or else
there is no "food" on the table to bless or pray over). The Domain should arrange with the
banquet hall manager to ensure that bread and salt are on every table as soon as the reception
starts. I would also advise that the blessing/prayer be read immediately after the entrance of
the wedding party, while the guests are still standing. This saves guests the trouble of
having to stand again for the blessing/prayer. Just before the Domain introduces the
wedding party, he can let the wedding guests know that they should remaining standing for
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the prayer after the Bridal party has completed their entrance. If a priest is present, make
sure that he knows when he will be called upon to give his blessing for supper.
3) START SUPPER ON TIME!: One of the most important things at a wedding reception is to
start supper on time. At weddings that are rated poorly by their guests, the usual main
complaint is that supper started too late. In my experience, supper should begin no later than
7:30 PM. A start time of 7:15 PM is ideal, and even 7:00 PM on the dot is not too early.
The most common reason that wedding suppers are delayed is that the wedding reception
greeting line takes longer to complete than expected. To avoid this problem, I have used the
following strategy to manage the reception line: first, have a set time for when you want to
end the reception line in order to introduce the Bridal party. I prefer to have the Bridal party
begin their entrance at exactly 7:00 PM. Ten minutes before the scheduled time of the
Bridal party entrance, the Domain should stand close to the reception greeting line and
loudly but courteously announce to those guests still waiting in the greeting line that the
Bridal party must make their entrance now so that supper can begin on time. The Domain
should then select a wedding guest who is very close in the reception waiting line to the
Bridal party, and designate that guest as the last person to go through the greeting line.
The Domain can then sincerely apologize to all the guests standing in the line after that
"last person" and ask them to please take their seats, promising them that the Bride and
Groom will come around to their tables after supper to personally greet them. It can also be
helpful to ask a bridesmaid to stand behind the last person and inform any latecomers that
the greeting line has been ended in order to ensure that the Bridal party entrance starts on
time, and tell the latecomers that the Bridal couple will come around to their table to
personally greet them. This reception line strategy can make for a bit of an awkward
moment, but if the greeting line is not managed firmly and supper starts late, it will sour the
mood of the entire wedding reception for everyone. Also, I recommend that the hall
manager be told to start serving the first course (which is usually salad) immediately after
the blessing/prayer is read.
4) BRIDAL PARTY ENTRANCE: This requires good management and teamwork. The
following entrance order is traditional:
A. Barjaktar(i)
B. Ushers & Bridesmaids
C. Dever (the "main" Dever or best man) & the Maid Of Honour
D. Parents Of The Bride
E. Parents Of The Groom
F. Stari Svat & Stara Svatica
G. Kum & Kuma
H. Ring boy & Flower girl
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I. Bride & Groom
The Domain should have in hand a list of the entire Bridal party in order of their entrance,
along with their full names, roles in the Bridal party and their relation to the Bridal couple.
Here is an example of a Bridal party member entrance announcement given together in both
Serbian and English:
"Dever i prijatelj mlade i mladoenjeusher and friend of both Bride and GroomMilan
Vukovi!
"Deverua i neakinja mladoenjebridesmaid and niece of the GroomVera Markovi!"
An assistant for the Bridal party entrance should also have a copy of this list, and this
assistant should stand by the entrance doors to the hall waiting for the Domain to announce
the person/people about to enter. The assistant then immediately sends this person/people in.
A Serbian band will normally accompany the Bridal party entrance with the traditional
Serbian musical composition, Mar na Drinu, written by Serbian composer Stanislav
Biniki during the First World War. This musical piece, as played at weddings (the original
version is very symphonic and doesnt end in a kolo), uses two tempos: a slow marching
tempo and a fast dancing tempo. The slow march is played during the introductions for all
of the Bridal party prior to the Bride and Groom; the music then switches to a fast tempo
when the Bride and Groom are introduced. I strongly recommend that the band be told
beforehand to stop playing the song 15 seconds after the Bridal couple reaches the head
table and takes their place standing behind their seats. The Domain can also arrange for the
band to watch him and end the song at his signal. The reason that this last part of the Bridal
party entrance needs to be managed so carefully is that at most Serbian weddings, the band
plays the fast part of the wedding version of Mar na Drinu for what can seem like an
unnecessarily long period of time after the Bridal couple have reached the head table. Of
course, the wedding guests feel obligated to keep clapping for the Bride and Groom while
the music is still playing, which can result in sore hands and an awkward moment at the end
of the Bridal party entrance. Again, I advise that the pre-supper blessing/prayer be read
immediately after the band stops playing Mar na Drinu, while the wedding guests are still
on their feet.
5) BRIDAL COUPLE FIRST DANCE: Some couples choose to dance the traditional Bridal
couple dance just before the dance floor is opened to guests (following supper), but others
choose to perform their special dance as people start eating. Either choice is good, but in my
experience, having the Bridal couple dance at the beginning of supper works a little better in
terms of the evening's time management. Also, some wedding photographers prefer to leave
early during the reception, so this gives them an opportunity to photograph the first dance
early in the evening. If the Bridal couple decide to do their first dance at the beginning of
supper, then the Domain can introduce the dance while the first course is being served. I
strongly recommend that the Domain personally do a double-check with the band, directly
before the Bridal party entrance, to make sure that they are ready to play (or play the CD of)
the Bridal couple's first dance music, and that the correct song will be played. The Bridal
couples first dance is the romantic highlight of the evening and extra care should be taken
that it goes smoothly.
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6) MUSIC DURING SUPPER: Serbian bands routinely play too loud during supper, making it
very difficult for wedding guests to carry on normal conversations during the meal. I
recommend that the band be told beforehand that they must be prepared to play quietly (and
appropriate musicelegant not lively) during supper. Someone, usually the Domain, must
be firm with the band on this matter.
7) SPEECHES: Speeches are often considered an important part of a modern wedding. There
are basically three ways to schedule wedding speeches: a) throughout supper, with breaks
between speeches; b) at the end of supper; c) near the end of supper. One thing to always
keep in mind with speeches is that it is very hard to keep the attention of a wedding hall full
of feasting guests for any serious length of time. For that reason, I like to have all the
speeches done in one block, and to start them near the end of the main course, so that the
last speech is being given at the same time that the guests are finishing their dessert. That
way, the reception can go directly from the last speech to the evenings dancing. Although it
is best to know beforehand who is making a speech, if someone at the last minute, even a
guest, asks to make a speech, it is considered proper etiquette to allow the speech. The order
of speeches should follow the same order as the Bridal party entrance (keeping in mind that
Barjaktars, ushers, bridesmaids, ring boys and flower girls arent usually expected to make
speeches). The Domain usually introduces the speakers. I also recommend that the hall
manager be asked to not serve the "toasting" champagne at tables right at the beginning of
the night, but rather, at the Domain's signal, ten minutes before the speeches start. This
way, when toasts are made during the speeches, the champagne won't be flat from sitting in a
glass on the table for an hour.
8) GLASS-TAPPING FOR BRIDAL COUPLE KISSES: Will the Bridal couple want to allow
glass-tapping by guests as a request for the Bridal couple to kiss? This isn't a Serbian
tradition, and some of the older generation dont like to see this practice at a Serbian
wedding. I recommend that a firm decision be made before the wedding day as to whether
or not to allow this practice (or to allow some variation, like singing a song or reciting a
poem for the Bridal couple to kiss) and stick to it. The Domain can announce the "policy"
for this at the beginning of supper. In my experience, if the Domain asks the wedding
guests to refrain from this practice, the guests usually comply without any complaints.
9) SECURITY FOR THE GIFT BOX: This a much over-looked issue at Serbian weddings,
and bad luck in this matter (i.e. the gift box being stolen) can be a devastating financial blow
to the Bridal couple, especially since Serbs often give cash as a wedding gift. The important
thing here is to recognize the risk and make a plan. The plan can be as simple as keeping the
gift envelope box under the table where one of the Bridal couple's parents are sitting, and
have a family member there at all times. I have also heard of weddings where a police
officer was hired (standard off-duty security services) to stand near the box. And I have
been involved in a wedding where a security guard was hired from a private security firm to
park with his marked car in the driveway of the Groom's home during the reception; two
relatives drove the gift box to the home right before the wedding supper started and hid it in
the home.
10) BRIDAL BOUQUET & GARTER TOSS: Will there be a bouquet and garter tossing? If
yes, make sure these are scheduled accordingly (I'd recommend somewhere around 10:00
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PM, just before the dessert table opens up). An extra effort may be required to ensure all
those eligible to "catch" the tosses are gathered accordingly. As the evening goes by, people
tend to get into the party spirit and are harder to organize.
11) THE BRIDAL COUPLE CAKE-CUTTING: This is a wonderful opportunity for the
photographer and videographer to get some great photos/footage. This doesn't require guest
participation or attention, so it can be done at any time. A good time for the cake-cutting is
directly after the first Kolo (which should traditionally be the Kraljevo Kolo).
12) END OF NIGHT: Find out when the banquet hall is closing their bar and when they require
the wedding reception festivities to end on their premises. At the end of the night (as
previously advised by the banquet hall), if some wedding guests are still celebrating, then
the Domain may have to announce to these wedding guests both the banquet hall bars last
call and the bands "last kolo".

REMEMBER TO NOT TAKE ANYTHING TOO SERIOUSLY AND TO HAVE FUN!

Throughout the planning process, and especially on the actual day of the wedding, it is essential
to keep in mind that some things will unfortunately and inevitably not go according to plan.
Regardless of how the wedding day turns out, don't let the unexpected trouble you. Your family
and friends will be attending your wedding to celebrate your love, not your event planning skills.
On the day of your wedding, the most important things to do are smile, relax and just have fun.

NOTE: A special thanks to Duan uri, Radomir Dangubi and Milka Luki for their
invaluable help over the years with my own involvement in helping to plan and manage Serbian
weddings. This guide draws heavily upon their extensive knowledge of Serbian culture and
Serbian weddings.

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