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How did you get into this brothel? I asked trying to calm
myself as I really wished to know about her.
Why do you want to know about me? Just have fun and go.
She again offered her body. I just closed my eyes. I really hated
myself in those moments.
I just want to know the pain behind this smiling face. I said,
softly touching her cheeks and I gently wrapped her sari around her.
"It's really strange how life works sometimes" she said taking
another puff of cigarette.
I gently patted her head. I could clearly notice her pale skin on
face with a few freckles.
After that night I took shelter in a relief camp but life was
quite hell there and it was almost impossible to manage a life. Over
the months I got to know that I was pregnant. Those bastards had
left a part of them inside me. Soon I noticed that the perception of
people about me had changed in the relief camp. One day a Maulvi
came and took me out by promising that he would take care of me
like his daughter. I was happy that someone was bothering about
me. But who knew that I was just going to put my life at stake by
my own hand.
Once more I slowly patted her head and she looked at me
affectionately.
"Initially he was good to me. During those days I become
mother of a baby boy. But soon lust bombarded his mind and
later I got to know that it was his actual plan. One night when I
was sleeping in my room I realized he was playing with my
breasts. I was completely shocked to see him naked before me, a
person who was even much older than my father, a person who
was protector of our entire faith. I tried to push him away,
kicking and screaming but he continued.

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Ilma, he said softly.

He jumped forward and grabbed me around my waist.
No! I screamed as he forced his beard lips over my mouth. I
got tears in my eyes as his hands traveled down my body.
Shhh, he commanded as he kissed my neckline. His
wrinkled skin crept all over my neck.
I stared at him and found a glass of wine kept on the table and
then I realized he was heavily drunk. I had never thought that he
would drink this way. The outline of bottle seemed blurred into the
redness of the wine, from where I'd been lying.
Please, stop it, I begged as he kissed down to my neck.
When I tried to forcefully resist him, he slapped me tight. For
a moment everything was blank before my eyes and I blinked
several times. To protect myself I bit on his hand and he again
slapped me hard across my face. It was so hard that I fell to the floor
and withered in pain. He then grabbed me by my hair and graded
me to the bed and I just screamed like mad. I had tears flowing
down my face. He pushed me on the bed and he was back in action
again. His eyes were red and full of lust. He ripped my clothes off
and threw it on the floor. I again tried to push him off the bed.
What more remains in you so you are shying, you bitch. Just
get laid either consensually or forcefull. I have brought you here
because I know you can entertain me well in bed. Nothing comes
in free, so cooperate me. He frightened me.
He began pulling down my dress. He again slammed his
tongue into my mouth. He ripped my salwar off and jammed my
hand. I was shedding tears with muffled screams. I screamed into
his mouth but it was gagged.
Stop resisting me! he warned.
No! Please! I said struggling.

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He kissed my body all over and then he went lower.

Please, Stop. You are like my father. I cried.
Ignoring me, he went below my waist and he slipped my
underwear down my legs.
Stop, I don't want to do this. I cried out, resisting him hard
and I felt his hands around my groin.
He smirked as he pulled off my bra. I was lying there
completely naked.
Please, let me go. Please have the fear of Allah.
I begged whimpering. Incessant tears ran down my cheek. He
laid over me and began licking my neck. He began to lick
downwards. He made it down to me and uncrossed my legs.
I have brought you here to take care of me. You are just like a
slave to me and I have every right over you. A slave should always be
ready to please the master's desire. Now I am your master so please
me the way I want." He then rolled over me pulling me against
him, It's not what you want. It's what I want that matters here, so
please me in greater way. He commanded gaspingly.
I looked at his face. I knew after that I would never be normal.
And slowly he began to insert himself in and out of me. I
struggled hard as he inserted. I knew there was no point to beg
before him. Slowly I felt claustrophobic. His body was smothering
me and there was no way out to get rid of. I felt stuck, unable to
move even the slightest bit. He was forcing hard into me mustering
all his stamina. It looked like he was a monster, a hungry monster. I
still tried to push him off with my hands, screaming in pain but I
couldn't gather that the strength much. He kept going on, and I
began to feel more and more terrified, worrying to myself.
He continued pumping me. I closed my eyes in tears. My all

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girlish dreams to have a wonderful life which he had promised were

crushed right before my eyes and mere a wish for the death was
formed. My eyes looked at his face. He was pushing into me
without any remorse.
I'd heard many horrific rape stories in camp, but I'd never
realised that it would ever ruin me. He was the man of faith and
respect for everyone and how can he even think to harm me. I
closed my teary eyes recalling the day when he brought me off the
relief camp after promising the great deed.
'I have seen the way you have been managing your life here in
shattered condition. Allah can't be so unkind to you and by his
grace I am here to protect dignity and decorum and to carry
forward his great tradition to serve the needy. He has given me this
responsibility in humility to carry forward the duty of being his
faithful child. I want to take you from here so you can have a life.
You are quite young and your entire life is ahead of you. Come and
have your life the way Allah wants your life to be passed by.'
The ordeal was horrific. I felt abhorrent. As he forced further I
began to shake. Every single part of me was trembling in fear.
And after a few more strokes he was finished. He just looked
at me and then left me after violating my core. He tore up my heart
and left me broken. This way I became a bird of no wings. I was left
with only tears. It made me feel so dirty. Had I known that he'd
ever hurt me this way, I would have never accompanied him in this
house. He was just my protector who became my predator.
That night I only cried in muffled screams. I wished I could
drink away my pain but it was futile. I tried hard but couldn't stop
thinking about him-touching all over me in nasty way.
I looked myself in the mirror and found visible bruises all over
my body. It was pointless to try to sleep, knowing that this
nightmare would again haunt me. I was scared that he would come

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back again to violate me any moment.

And this way he regularly started playing with me. Initially he
enjoyed me alone and I had accepted my fate. But later I was shared
with a number of people and it was too tortuous. she said and lit
another cigarette.
And one night he brought his three colleagues and I was
served to them to entertain in a greater way. It was the most horrific
act I had ever been through. The Maulvi was undressing me and his
hand was notoriously roaming across my breasts. I was quite
frightened to see all those old men before me and I resisted to obey
his command.
He held my mouth, Just shut up you slut and suck."
He shoved his hardness into my mouth forcing in and out. It
was annoying and my jaw ached and I couldn't breathe. Another
one pushed his finger between my legs and he became violent. He
caught hold of my hands while his teeth were badly biting my
womanhood and I was only yelping in pain. I was still unable to
breathe as my mouth was full of another men's hardness and his
hard beard scratched my skin to ache. It went beyond the limit of
my endurance. Maulvi quickly sauntered close to me and started
fondling my breasts. Hardly could I breathe for a moment when I
realized another one pushed his hardness between my back by
biting my neck.
Everyone was enjoying my body and I was struggling in pain.
I screamed incoherently. The humiliation was impossible to bear.
They were just violent to tear the every single inch of my body. I felt
my life ended like glass which broke into a million fragments.
Nobody was there to help- no God, no person, no luck. Those
men got more and more aggressive, and the pain became poignant.
I no longer cried, nor did I beg to be freed. There was a silence as I
had accepted my fate. I didn't care about anything. If my life was

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fragile enough to shatter so easily then what's the point to continue

it. I just thought.
After a prolonged muffled screams, my eyelids became
heavier. Slowly those men began to come, pounding with angry
thrusts spilling fluids all over my body. My body went rigid at the
feel of the fluid gushing all over.
After a few minutes Maulvi caught me and made me sit in his
lap. Then he gave me some toxic drink orally so I could stay awake
at night. Then they continued to rape me over and over again and I
was just silently collapsed on the bed. The pain was incredible as
they were very rough and forceful.
I knew I was violated, I was hurt. I remember how much
agony I was put through.
Once more she took a deep puff and exhaled. Afterwards
they never stopped playing with me and I had hardly ever recovered
from the pain. My body was almost broken and tired from all the
torture through which I had to go daily. I soon started to loath my
body. It was a phase in my life when I didn't even face the mirror. I
cursed my wretched life. Their horrific acts daily shattered my
heart. I was being treated like a slut. Even they raped me before my
little son. I'd already lost count of the days I'd been through this
trauma. Every day I woke up in pain and just wished to kill myself.
Everything in my life was lost except the ordeal, torture,
exploitation and never ending humiliation. She paused for a
moment and looked at me.
You know what. These self confessed messengers of Allah are
just pigs who don't hesitate to commit terrible deeds in the name of
Allah. I am well educated and I know, my holy Quran clearly say,
that all human are equal and born in a pure state and no one has
right to violate others. I tell you; a few pigs like him are the real
danger who intentionally slanders the prophet of Islam. These

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monsters are silently betraying the very principle of Islam by

committing unspeakable acts of barbarism. Their sinful tendency
perverts and distorts people's faith. And here I have encountered so
many pigs like him from all religions and communities. Those
degraded bastards who wear a silent mask before people to show
their holy side quickly get horny and hungry for our flesh. She
said with a slight remorse and exhaled a breath.
I still sometimes think if that night those Hindus had not
destroyed my life then I would have been having a very happy life
with my parents and two loving brother. I probably would have
been a teacher as it was my childhood dream. But those bastards
had changed the very discourse of my life. I really loved the way my
father preached about humanity, my brother encouraged me to
purse my dream.
I really didn't know what to say. I started breathing heavily
but somehow I had controlled myself.
How did you get here? I again asked affectionately.
I was just fed up of my life and one day I decided to run away
to get rid of everything. But who knew I was so close to my
graveyard. No matter, how hard I tried to flee but my destiny had
brought me back where I never wanted to be. For a moment I
realized I was destined to be a fucking machine. It was something
that was in my stars.
She paused for a moment I was torn inside. I felt that I had
died completely. All I wanted was to feel the magic of life but I
never thought that life would again throw me in the same cage.
That night I had run away with my son. I really didn't know where
I was going? I just wanted to get rid of those degraded monsters. It
was evening and I realized I was at a bus stop. I didn't know where I
should go. I just sat and cried. I had cried over my physical and
mental trauma. I had cried over the misery of my life. I really didn't