Crandall1

AbigailCrandall
Mr.Bradley
English114thhour
September9,2014
TheAmazingTailofShadowWoman
DaniJoneswasonlytenyearsold,shehadjustgottenanewskateboardforherbirthday.
Danitookoffdownthestreetonhernewboard,sheknewexactlywhereshewantedtogo.There
wasatallandsteephillattheendofthestreet.Danidecidedtowalkupthehillwiththeboardin
hand,ratherthemwastehertimegettingupit.Shestoodatthetopandlookeddown.Shequickly
hoppedonherboard,beforeshehadachanceforsecondthoughts.
Theboardsuddenlyskidded
toahalt.Daniwassent
soaring
throughtheair.ShelandedwithaloudTHUD!Whenshefinally
wasabletositup,shesurveyedthedamage.Shehadaskinnedkneeandherhandshadafew
scrapesonthem.Danidabbedthebloodfromherkneewithhersleeve.Onceshecouldseethe
wound,shetriedtotouchiteversogentlytogetsomestonesout.Suddenlythesrapeandthe
blooddisappeared.Daniwasconfused,shesattherelookingatherkneeinshock.SlowlyDani
touchedoneofthescrapesonthehands.Justlikebeforeitdisappearedandnolongerhurt.Dani
stoodupandtriedtothinkofalogicalanswertowhatjusthappened.Sherememberedher
motheralwaystellingher,evenwhenshewasababy,shewasalwayshealthy.Asherlife
continuedshenoticedsheseemedstrongerthanmosttheotherkidsherage.Asshethoughtback
throughoutherlife,backaslongasshecanremember.Shewasalwayshealthy.Daninoticedthat
otherkidswouldgetcoldsorwouldgetsick,butnother.

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Daniwasalwaysseenasanoutcastinschool.Shewasincountlessfightsgrowingup.
Eachtimesheknewwhatwasgoingtohappen,butshedidn'tcare.Ateacher,principal,oreven
sometimesanotherstudentbrokeupthefight.Aftershewastakentotheoffice,andthesecretary
wouldcallhermom.Danihadbeenintheofficesomuch,shewouldgreetthesecretaryand
everyoneelsebytheirfirstname.Daniwouldwalkintotheprincipalsofficeandsitinthesame
chairasalways.Shewasintheresooften,theprincipalputhernameonasmallpieceofwood,
andattachedittothechairinhisoffice.
EveryTimeshewouldtellhermotherthesamething,
I
wasonlystandingupformyselfandfortheplant"
.Daniehadtakenalikingtoplantsforsome
reasongrowingup,notreallysurewhy.Daniwantedtofindawaytofightfortheplantandto
punishthepeopleharmingthem.
Danistayedupallnightthinkingofideas.Thebestthingshecouldcomeupwithwasto
becomeasuperhero.Daniewasnowinhighschool,shehadbroughtsomeblackclothinganda
cape.Sheevencameupwithanameforherself,TheShadowWomanorTheShadowforshort.
Shewouldsaveplatesatnightandgotoschoolduringtheday.
Thefirstcoupleofnightswerealittlerough.ShewanderedthestreetsofManhattan,
NewYorklookingforplantsthatwereinwindowpots,therewerealotofthem.Mostofwhich
peopleforgotaboutandlefttodie.Foraboutamonthshespenthernightshelpingthepoorplats
ofManhattan.
Thenonenight,TheShadowwaswalkinginthebackalleyofanapartmentcomplex.
Shewas

idolizing
thetarris,whenshesawalargetarisfilledwithdeadplants.Thissightterrified
her,shewantedtohelpallofthehelplessplants.Onceshehadreachedthedoorsheknocked
tryingtobepolite,whenthedooropenedshehadtotakeastepbacktogetalookatthething

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thatstoodinfrontofher.Itwasaman,hewasdressedinallblack,buttherewassomething
abouttheblackthatlookedstrangeandoutofplace.Takingacloserlookatit,TheShadow
noticedhisclothesweremadeoutoffeathers.Eventhecapeheworewascoveredinblack
feathers.Themanlookedather,andstudiedherthewayshedidhim.Helookedherintheeyes
now,andsaidinaloudanddeepvoice,
ImThe
Revolting
Raven,whoareyou?ImShadow
Woman,whyhaveyoukilledallofthoseplantsonyourtarris?
,saidTheShadow.TheRaven
turnedaroundandlookedouthiswindow.Shadowtookthisopportunitytorunintothe
apartmentandhelpthepoorplants.TheRavensawwhatwashappening,hequicklyranafter
her.ItwastoolateTheShadowhadhealedmostoftheplantsalready.TheRavenletoutaloud
shriekof
repugnance
.TheShadowneededtogetout,shemadeadashacrosstheroomtothe
door.Sheranoutoftheplaceandwenthome.

Everynightitbecameareuten,TheShadowwouldgototheRaven'sapartment.Every
timeTheShadowwouldtrytostopTheRavenfromkillingaplantorplants.Thiswentonfor
coupleofweeksandeachtimeShadowwomanwouldwas
victorious.
ThenonenightThe
ShadowwasonherwayupthestairstoTheRavensapartment,whenshenoticedatonofdead
plants.Shewasalreadyrunningbehind,butshejustcouldn'tleavethosepoorplantsalone.The
Shadowbeganhealingtheplantsonebyone.Shefollowedwheretheywereheading,sheknew
thatonlyonepersoncouldhavedonethis,TheRaven.TheShadowalsonoticedsomethingelse,
shewasgettingverytired.Sheusuallydoesn'tdothismuchhealing,butshe'sdonemuchmore
thanthisinonenight.Itwassostrange.
Shebeganstumbling,shefeltasifshewasdrunk.The
Shadowbeginsfallingintothewallsanddoors.Numeroustimesshefelltoherknees,butshe
nevergaveup,shedidntwanttogiveupontheplants.Acoupleofpeoplepeekedoutoftheir

Crandall4

apartmentstoseewhattheruckuswas.Noneofthemdidanythingtheyjuststaredthenclosed
theirdoor.TheShadowknewnoone,butherunderstoodwhatshedidwhenaplantwas
suffering.
Finallyshemadeittothedoorshehadhopeditwasunlocked.Turningtheknobslowly
itwasopen.TheShadowwalkedinsearchingtheroom,overinthefarcornershesawhim
working.TheRavenwasinnorush,hecarefullymeasuredsomechemicalsforanexperiment.
Shadowwasn'tcomplainingoranything,sheactuallydidn'tmindit.Shehad.Chancetocatch
herbreath.
TheRavenslowlybeganlaughing,andturnedaroundslowly.
"Youhaven'tfigureditout
yethaveyou?",saidTheRaven."What,whatareyoutalkingabout?"SaidTheShadow."Feeling
alittlelightheadedarewe,"that'stoobadIwashopingtofightyoumyself"saidTheRaven.
"Whathaveyoudone?"SaidTheShadow."Iputlittlebitofpoisononeachplantyouhealedon
youwayuphere,""nowyouwillneverbeabletohealaplatagain."SaidTheRaven.
AllofasuddenTheShadowfeltasharppaininherhands.
"Whatshappening!"
ShoutedTheShadow.ThenTheRavenpulledoutadeadplantfromhiscabinet,
"Hereyougo,
goaheadandtrytosavethepoorthing."
TheShadowdidashesaid.Sheslowlyputherhand
onthedeadplant.Theplantturnedaevendarkercolorofbrownandshriveleduplikeashedded
snakeskin.
"Whathaveyoudone,whycan'tIhealit"shriekedTheShadow."Ihavereversed
yourpowertohealplants."
SaidTheRavenfollowedbyanevillaugh.TheShadowletoutaloud
shriekofhorrorandsprintedoutoftheroom.
TheShadowwasstillinshockofwhathadhappened.Shepickedupaplantintheroom,
sheitlookedalittledull.Shetouchedtheplantsleaflightly.Theplantshriveledupliketheone

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atTheRaven'sapartment.NowTheShadowwasfeelinghorrible.TheShadowfiguredshe
shouldprobablygetsomesleep,soshewenttobed.Inthemorning"Dani"wokeupwithan
idea,sherantothekitchen.Openingacabinetshefoundwhatsheneeded.Apairofyellow,
rubber,cleaninggloves.Daniputthemonandgrabbedapotshehadonthetable.Shewas
hopingshecouldstillatleasttouchitwithoutkillingit.Shestuckonefingeroutandtouchedthe
plant.Aminutewentby,thenacouplemore.Nothinghappeneditdidn'tdie.Daniwassohappy.
Evenifshecouldn'thealtheplantswithpowers,thenmaybeshecouldatleastcareforthemthe
normalway.
SadlyDaniknewwhatshehadtodo.Sinceshenolongercouldhealplants,shehadto
retireasTheShadow.ThatnightDanisatonthecouchwatchingamovie,itfeltsoweirdtobe
homeatnight,shethought.
"WellitlookslikeIbetterusetothislife,causeI'mlivingitnow.

SuperHeroNarrativeRubric

20

15

10

IDEA
DEVELOPMENT:
Theheart,main
idea,orthesisof
atextrefersto
thedetails,
examples,or
imagesthat
developand
supportthemain
idea.

Textisclearand
focusedcaptures
readersattention.
Topicisnarrowand
manageable.Detailsare
relevant,interesting,
vivid,accurate.Pointis
cleartellswholestory
notrivia.Detailssupport
thepapersmainidea.
Ideasengage,inspire,
orintriguereader.

Textsideasarefocused
butgeneral,obvious.
Topicisfairlybroad,but
understandable.Details
arelooselyrelated,
obvious,ordull.Point
vaguegivesgeneral
ideaincomplete.Details
provideweaksupportfor
mainidea.Ideasleave
readerguessingnot
specific.

Textlacksclearidea,
purpose,anddetails.
Topiclackingnoevident
focusorpurpose.Details
aremissing,incorrect,or
unclear.Makesnopoint
cannotidentifymainidea.
Detailsrepeateachother
seemrandom.Ideas
confuseandfrustratethe
reader.

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20

15

10

Ordercompels,
enhances,andmoves
ideas.
Introductionintrigues,
invitesconclusion
resolves.
Thoughtfultransitions
showhowideas
connect.Sequencingis
logicalandeffective.
Pacingiswellcontrolled
andpurposeful.
Organizationflows
smoothlymatches
purpose.

Ordermovesreader
throughwithconfusion.
Introductionand
conclusionareevident,
weak.Transitionsoften
workwellconnections
arevague.Sequencing
showssomelogicbut
lackscontrol.
Pacingisinconsistentbut
fairlywellcontrolled.
Organizationoffers
limitedsupport
inappropriate.

Orderismissingor
randomnoidentifiable
structure.
Introductionand
conclusion
ineffective/missing.
Transitionsand
connectionsabsentor
confusing.Sequencingis
randomlacksany
purpose.Pacingis
awkward,frustrating,or
missing.Organization
makesithardtoidentify
mainidea.

15

10

Writingiscompelling,
engagingawareof
audience.
Toneisinterestingand
appropriateforaudience
and
thepurpose.Authors
presenceisevident,
powerful.Expository
writingiscommitted,
persuasive.Narrative
writingishonest,
engaging,personal.

Writingseemssincere
butnotengagedits
plain.
Toneisnondescript
showslimitedawareness
ofaudiencenotvery
appropriateforpurpose.
Authorsoundsearnest
andpleasing,butsafe.
Expositorywritingshows
minimalcommitment.
Narrativewritingis
reasonablysincerebut
plain.

Writerisindifferent,
distancedfrom
topic/audience.
Toneshowsnoawareness
ofaudience,inappropriate
fortheaudienceor
purpose.Authorsounds
monotone,flat,even
bored.Expositorywriting
lacksanycommitment.
Narrativewritingshowsno
attemptatvoice.

15

10

Wordsareprecise,
interesting,engaging,
powerful.

Wordsarecommonand
obvioustheylack
energy.

Wordsaresimpleor
vaguelimitedinscope.
Wordsarenonspecific,

ORGANIZATION:
Theinternal
structureof
ideas.
Effective
organization
beginswitha
purposefullead
andmoves
towardalogical,
thoughtful
ending.

VOICE:Youhear
thewritersheart
andsoul,
convictionand
witthetexthas
energyand
connectsyouto
boththewriting
andthewriter.

WORDCHOICE:
Therightword,
usedintheright

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way,attheright
time.Thewriter
chooseswords
that

Wordsarespecific,
accuratemeaningis
clear.Wordsand
phrasesarestrikingand
memorable.Language
isnatural,effective,and
appropriate.Verbsare
lively,nounsprecise,
modifierseffective.
Choicesenhance
meaningandclarify
meaning.

Wordsareadequateand
correctinageneral
sense.Wordsand
phrasesconvey,but
arentmemorable.
Languagereachesfor
colorthesaurus
overload.
Verbsarepassive,nouns
common,modifiersdull.
Choicesarerandom:first
wordthatcametomind.

distracting,andvague.
Wordsandphrasesare
dull,detractfrommeaning.
Languageisused
incorrectly,carelessly.
Verbs,nouns,adjectives
showlimitedvocabulary.
Jargonorclichsdistract,
misleadredundancy.

10

SENTENCE
FLUENCY:
Languagethat
flowswith
rhythmand
grace,logicand
music.
Sentencesare
wellcraftedand
wanttoberead
aloud.

Writingflowswith
rhythmandcadence.
Elegant.
Sentencesare
constructedtoenhance
meaning.Sentences
varyinlengthand
structure.
Sentencesuse
purposeful,varied
beginnings.Connecting
wordsjoinandbuildon
otherwords.
Writinghascadenceit
moves,hasmusictoit.

Writingmovesalongbut
feelsmorebusinesslike.
Sentencesareroutine
theylackcraftandmusic.
Sentencesareusually
constructedcorrectly.
Sentencesarenot
all
alikethereissome
variety
Connectingwords
absentreaderhuntsfor
clues.
Partsinvitereading
aloudchoppy,awkward,
stiff.

Writinglacksflowitis
difficulttoread.
Sentencesramble,are
incompleteorawkward.
Sentencesdonotconnect
toeachotheratall.
Sentencesbeginthesame
waymonotonous.
Endlessor
no
connectives
(
and,sothen,because
).
Thetextdoesinvite
readingaloudnomusic.

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15

CONVENTIONS:
Includes
punctuation,
spelling,
grammar,and
usage.Itdoes
notinclude
layout,
formatting,or
handwriting.The
finalediting
phase.

Observesanduses
standardconventions
fewerrors.
Spellingismostly
correct,evenondifficult
words.
Punctuationisaccurate,
evencreativeand
effective.
Capitalizationskillsare
evidentandconsistent.
Grammarandusageare
correctandenhancethe

Reasonablecontrolof
conventionsdistracting
errors.
Spellingmostlycorrect
errorsondifficultwords.
Endpunctuationmostly
correctinternalerrors.
Capitalizationgenerally
correctsomeerrors.
Grammarandusage
problemsarenotserious.
Paragraphinglacks
cohesionand

Errorsdistractthereader
andmakereadingdifficult.
Spellingerrorsare
frequentanddistracting.
Punctuationisoften
missingorincorrect.
Capitalizationisrandom,
onlyeasiestarecorrect.
Grammarandusageerrors
areobviousandserious.
Paragraphingismissing,
irregular,orfrequent.

createthe
intendedeffect,
impression,or
mood.

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TotalGrade

text.Paragraphingis
sound,reinforces
organization.
Writermaymanipulate
conventionsforstyle.

organization.

90/100