Visoka skola strukovnih studija za obrazovanje vaspitaca u Aleksincu

SEMINARSKI RAD
Predmet: Engleski jezik

Tema: Fairness and consistency in childs upbringing

Student:
Stojanovic Snezana
Index No. 1559

Professor:
Dr Stanojevic Maja

Year 2009/2010
Aleksinac

CONTENTS

Introduction.....................................................................................
Cosistency.......................................................................................
Fairness...........................................................................................
Citation............................................................................................
Discipline, Punisment and Fairness...............................................
Developmental milestones of kindness(8 months to 12 years).....
Conclusion.....................................................................................

INTRODUCTION
The training and upbringing of a child is not an easy and simple task that the parents can
perform with little or no effort. This task requires, in fact, delicate handling and
temperament. There are myriads of fine points to be considered to achieve success in the
efforts. The mentor has to relate himself with the spirit of the child. He cannot perform
the task without knowing the spiritual, psychological, educational and practical niceties
of the job. A childs world is a world of his own and his imaginations and fantasies will
be unique to him. These cannot be compared to the thought process of the adults. The
childs spirit will be delicate and will be very impressionable. The child will be a human
being in miniature that has not as yet assumed a permanent identity but it has the
capability to attain this change. The mentor of the child has to be capable of fathoming
and identifying a human being and, also, identifying the mind of the children. He should
have a keen eye on the intricacies of the process of upbringing. He should be aware of the
human capabilities and failings. He should have sense of responsibility and keen interest
in the job on hand. He should be patient and courageous that the hardships dont
overpower him. Besides, the rules of training are not rigid and cannot be implemented the
same way under different circumstances. In fact these rules have to be modified and
applied to each individual child according to his physical make up and mental
capabilities. The parents must keenly observe the physical built of the child and educate
him keeping this factor in mind. Otherwise, the effort may not bring about the desired
result.
From the day the child is born, he begins to learn about the world around him. They learn
what they can trust, and what they cannot trust. As children grow, their young minds
continue to reprocess the messages that they receive. In order for them to make sense of
those messages, they need to be consistent and fair.

CONSISTENCY
When parents are consistent and fair from the start, children learn what they can expect
from their parents. This helps in the bonding process. Consistency and fairness gives a
child a sense of security. They know when they cry, a caring parent is going to be there
with a bottle or ready to change a diaper. Babies with consistent parents experience less
anxiety. They learn they can rely on their parents and trust that their needs will be met.

Consistency means samenessthe same rules and consequences over time

Consistency basically means that things are the same from one time to another.
Consistency and fairness makes the world predictable and less of a chore to deal with.
Consistency is important with regard to schedules and consistency is important with
regard to interactions with people. When a child doesn't know if he has to go to bed when
he is told to, there is a lot of thinking and haggling that seems a good idea when involved
in fun things. He gets in a lot more arguments and has a lot less brain time and brain
space to devote to figuring out life when there is no question about when bedtime is.

When a child knows that dinner is always a certain amount of time after dad comes home
and dad always comes home a certain amount of time after Sesame Street ends, her
stomach begins to get ready to digest dinner at an optimal time, she knows about how
much time she has to play with her toys and instead of using her thinking time and
thinking energies on figuring out when dinner might happen, she can use her thoughts
and energies on thinking about and figuring out her world in other respects.
She ends up being able to be happier and less stressed and she digests her dinner better -all because dinner is at a consistent time every day.
Feeling happy and being able to optimally handling life requires a lot of thought.
Everyone -- especially children -- function better, learn better, have better interactions
with others and and are generally happier people -- when they do not need to spend time
and energy on thinking about issues like whether or not directions are optional, when
mealtime is, when bedtimes is, what the rules are.
When a child's life is consistent, he or she has more brain to devote to other things
Keeping regular routines with a child is also an important part of consistency. Days are
less chaotic and arguments more infrequent if a child knows what is expected of them
upon rising, after school, or when going to bed. Consistency helps a child develop a sense
of responsibility in that they know exactly what is required of them.
Children are also less likely to test boundaries or push limits that are firmly set when they
know that there will be consequences for deviant behavior. They learn that no means
no. Consistency teaches children cause-and-effect relationships, which helps them as
they grow with their ability to make wiser decisions.

FAIRNESS

Fairness is a great part of child upbringing. You're aiming for consequences that feel as
natural and strong as physical laws, right? Gravity and inertia are nothing if not
consistentthat's why they're laws of nature.
Consequences should be applied not based on your moods, biorhythms, or whether the
Sox won the game. Consequences and discipline work best when they are consistent and
fair.
When a parent is consistent and fair in expectations and responses to his or her child, the
child more effectively and more rapidly develops values, self-esteem and an
understanding of the world. Inconsistent parenting causes confusion, poor self esteem and
goofy, sometimes very negative, values.

CITATION
The most difficult politics is bringing about changes in the habits of people." (Ghurar al
Hukm, p. 181)
Habits settle down upon people. (Ghurar al Hukm, p.580)
Habits become second nature." (Ghurar al Hukm, p.260)
Overcoming bad habits is amongst benevolent invocations." (Ghurar al Hukm, p.176)
Dr. Jalali writes
Whosoever has the responsibility of upbringing a child should occasionally do
introspection on his own character and behaviour, realize his responsibilities and try to
correct his failings."

DISCIPLINE, PUNISHMENT AND FAIRNESS

Crossing boundaries is some thing that children do more than we want. Teenagers get out
of line as well. In fact kids act like this so much that crossing the line seems like a natural
part of growing up and raising kids. When children at any age test the limits, they usually
discover what the world allows and expects, what people will tolerate, and what happens
when they get out of line. More than cause and effect, children hopefully learn the impact
their behavior has on others. And they will hopefully take that into consideration in the
future.
What Is Discipline?
Family discipline is one word that tries to describe many things. The commonly accepted
definition of discipline means to raise, train and teach children. However the word
discipline also means to punish. But punishment is a very small part of what we call
discipline.
Discipline requires parents to recognize the requirements for successful living and then to
create or allow experiences that provide guidance. These experiences should include
activities within an emotionally bonded relationship and consequences for a childs
behavior. So it is esential to implement fairness in an any disciplinary action .
What is Punishment?
The most commonly accepted use of the word punishment means to impose
consequences on a child for their actions or their lack of actions. For some people the
word punishment conjures up images of spanking a child, inflicting emotional pain or
hurting a child in some manner. That is a very old and narrow view. Punishment may
involve taking something away from a child such as toys, bicycles, a car or other
privileges such as going out in the evening to be with friends. In other cases punishment
may involve giving a child additional chores, work or any activity such as completing a
second driver education course before they can drive the car again.
Consequences. Discipline based on the "rule of consequences" usually requires the least
amount of parental involvement. Using this approach, parents will become more involved
when a child does well or when a child gets out of line. For the most part, parents allow
society and nature to teach their child what works and what doesnt work.
If you express consistent expectations of children, they develop predictable views of the
world. When guiding young children, be consistent and clear with directions and
explanations, and of cours be fair. If your requests and reasons are inconsistent, children
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become confused and unsure about what is expected. When you are consistent with
your requests and reasons, children feel safe in exploring the world and trying new
things. They feel secure that their caregivers will consistently guide and teach them.

Children learn to care about others when they feel cared for themselves. Young children
learn best when they are not frightened or angry. By using guidance based on love and
respect, you can help young children become aware of the consequences of their
behavior for others.
Research says that harsh physical punishment can hinder the development of positive
relationships between children and adults. Reliance on physical discipline weakens
children's trust in adults. Physical punishment does not help children learn self-control
or understand the connection between unacceptable behavior and discipline. When
adults use physical discipline, children feel angry with adults and ashamed of
themselves.
Positive guidance blends respect and love for the child with clear messages and
understandable reasons. When young children experience consistent and positive
guidance, they are more likely to act kindly toward others.

DEVELOPMENTAL MILESTONES OF
KINDNESS(8 m-12 y)
Research has documented the development of kind behavior in children. Although there
are differences in how and how often children act kindly toward others, almost all
children go through a set sequence of developing kind and caring behavior. For
example, some children may cry harder than others when a friend's cat is hit by a car,
but almost all children will recognize this as a very sad situation.
Age

8 to 18 Months

2 to 3 Years

4 to 6 Years

Characteristic

Example

Child can understand that own behavior can make

another happy or sad.

"If I make a silly face at Andrew, he will

smile and laugh."

Child can understand adult instructions for kind

behavior when words are combined with actions.

Adult instructs: "Be gentle with the baby"

and softly strokes baby's cheek and neck.
Child can understand and imitate adult
behavior.

Child begins to show empathic behavior.

Child may spontaneously comfort a

crying peer.

Child complies more often with adult requests,

especially adult requests for socially responsible
behavior.

Child more willingly takes turns, says,

"Please" and "Thank You", and helps
clean up at home and in the classroom.

Child starting to recognize concept of fairness.

Child starting to recognize concept of

fairness. "His piece of cake is bigger than
mine!"

Child begins to understand that selfish behavior may

be wrong.

"If I use all of the play dough, no one else

with be able to play with it."

Child engages in more kinds of empathic behavior.

Child can share, comfort, protect, and

encourage.

Child can plan in advance to do something nice for

another.

"When these winter clothes are too small,

I can give them to someone who doesn't
have enough winter clothes."

Child can take perspective of another and can

recognize possible reasons for another's feelings and
actions.

"Jason is the new kid this year. I wonder if

he's lonely because he hasn't made new
friends yet?"
"LaDonna is sad because her grandma just
died."

Child can understand right from wrong and think about

what might happen after doing something wrong.

"Cheating during a game of checkers is

wrong."
"If I cheat and win the game, I might feel
guilty."

With adult assistance, child can recognize the

implications of his/her own behavior for another.

"If I don't invite Felicia to my party, she

might feel left out."

Child begins to develop internalized kind behavior.

Child can engage in kind behavior without
encouragement and prompting from adults.

Child may try to "right a wrong" action,

child experiences guilt without adult
intervention, child may confess to a

6 to 12 Years

wrong behavior, child may apologize

without being told.

Kids thrive on routine and a balance of activities in their family life. Too many children
spend most of their time on one activity. If its not the TV (babysitter!), they are spending
five
days a week at ballet or soccer lessons because they have to be a star. Overemphasis on
competitive activities teaches kids wrong values and robs them of their ability to enjoy
lifes simple pleasures.
Carve out routines that balance all the needs of your children: physical (sports) but also
spiritual, emotional, intellectual, and social.
Balance can mean different sports and physical activities, reading and crafts, going to
cultural or spiritual activities and sharing in family fun as well as school work. Stability is
found in routine and family patterns that kids can rely on. When these are in place, the
world is a reliable place for them, and they feel happier.

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CONCLUSION
Its true: youll turn around one day, and children will be young adults. Parenting, though,
never stops. Theres never an age to stop praising, encouraging or listening to your child.

Children need models

that
rather than critics.
achievement

Optimism is the faith

leads to
Nothing can be done

without
Joseph Joubert
French Philosopher

hope and confidence.

Helen Keller

If you do the best you can, you

will find, nine times out of ten,
that you have done as well as or
better than anyone else.
William Feather

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BIBLIOGRAPHY

- Internet

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