Issues in Mental Health Nursing

,31:679685,2010
CopyrightInformaHealthcareUSA
,Inc.
ISSN:0161-2840print/10964673online
DOI:10.3109/01612840.2010.496138

ChildhoodExperiencesofIncarceratedMaleCh
ildSexual Korban Penyalahgunaan Abusers
LindaH.Garrett,PhD,FNP-BC
East Tennessee State University, College of Nursing, Johnson City, Tennessee, USA

pakta pelecehan seksual anak, sedikit yang telah

dilakukan untuk meneliti pengalaman masa kecil
mereka yang menyalahgunakan anak. Anak
seksual
checklist
abusershavebeenstudiedfromquantitativeperspecti
vesusingbe- havioral, survei orangtua-ikatan, dan
kuesioner sejarah seksual. Tujuan dari penelitian
ini adalah untuk mengeksplorasi ingatan anak
diciptakan
pelaku
seksual
incarcer'dari
encesusingthedescriptiveexistentiallensofphenome
nology masa kecil mereka pengalaman-.Eight
incarcerated male child sexual abusers described their childhood
fromexistentialperspectivesoflivedspace,livedother,livedbody, and
lived time via face-to-face semi-structured interviews. Analy- sis
was accomplished through the qualitative, descriptive method of
Max van Manen. Rich descriptions of the participants insights into
their daily childhood life experiences that shaped their selfconcepts and contributed to their adult behaviors were gathered.
Four major themes were identied: (1) failure to root, (2) what you
see is what you learn, (3) stupid is as stupid does, and (4) lifes
moments. Data from this study suggest that the experiences of
childhood signicantly contribute to an adult self-concept that can
be distorted by the lack of a secure home space, maladap- tive
relationships, internalization of inappropriate behavior, and alack
of signicant family development. This study explores the
psychosocialandbehavioralconsequencesofearlychildhoodexperiences.Thendingssupporttheneedforfamilyandpsychological
mental health nurse practitioners to be more aware of early home
environments; improve their assessment of childrens developing
self-conceptandthepotentialforabusiverelationships.

Childsexualabuse(CSA)isacomplexsocialprobleman
d
acontinualburdenforsociety(Wurtele,2009).CSAhas
been
describedbySeligman(1994)asaspecialdestroyerof
adult
mentalhealth(p.232).Researchhassuggestedthatc
hildren
whoexperienceviolenceandsexualabuseareatriskfor
inappropriatebehaviors,includingrepeatingtheviolencea
ndsexual
abuseasadults(Abel&Harlow,2001;Bouvier,2003;Bri
ggs
&Hawkins,1995;Connolly,2004;Logsdon,2010;Nala
vany, Ryan, & Hinterlong, 2009; Russell & Bolen,

of incarcerated male child sexual abusers using an

inductive
2000; Simons,
Wurtele,&Durham,2008).Tobegintounderstandthee
xtent
oftheproblem,thisstudyfocusedonthechildhoodexpe
riences
AddresscorrespondencetoLindaH.Garrett,EastTennesseeS
tate
University,CollegeofNursing,P.O.Box70676,JohnsonCity,T
N 37614.E-mail:garrett@etsu.edu

679

680
L.H.GARRETT
Child sexual abusers are known to come from
ugly,worthless,orstupid,theseexperiencesareembod
dysfunciedand
tionalfamiliesmoreoftenthannon-abusers(Messman- com- mander,anunknownsage
d
i
Moore
heiscalledSelf.Helivesinyour
&Brown,2004).Childhoodfamilycharacteristicsrelate body,heisyourbody(p.62).Thelivedbodycannotbeses
t
dtothe
pa- ratedfromtheselfo
riskofbecominganadultabuserareinsecureattachme concept.Eventsinthelivesofchildrenthat
nt,malinvolvethelivedbody,suchasassaultorsexualabuse,a r
t
treatmentintheformofphysicalorverbalabuse,parent rehazaldeardousastheyareembodiedthroughoutlife(Engelsrude
d
viance,parentalsubstanceabuse,repeatedpatternsof ,2005;
abuse,and
Toombs,1988).Thebodyisahistoricalaccountofthepers
childsexualabuse(Chen&Boucher,2008;Nalavany,Ry sons way of living in the world and of the worlds e
l
an&
way of living
Hinterlong,2009;Simons,Wurtele,&Durham,2008).C withtheperson(Priest,2002).Childrenwhohavebeens f
hild sexual abusers are socialized as children to exually
afrm the self in interdependent terms. They view abusedembodytheconsciousnessoftheirassaultsandc
o
childhood relationships as the foundation of their reecself-denition (Chen & Boucher,
tivelyengagetheworld.Thelivedbodyofthechildbeco n
c
2008; Locke & Christensen, 2007).The indication
mesa
is that the selfsourceofpain,amanipulatedobjectconsideredtobeba e
p
conceptoftheseindividualsisdenedbyhowsignican d(van
t others related to them in childhood (Andersen,
Manen,1998).Achildthatexperiencesexistenceasalie t
s
Chen, & Minating,
randa,2002).Receivingthreateningfeedbackandbein empty,threatening,harmful,meaningless,orwithoutpe
m
gabused
urpose carries those bodily experiences into
e
physically,mentally,orsexuallyresultsinlowselfadulthood: Those expeesteemand, ultimately,adistortedselfriencesadverselyshapethewaysindividualsinteractw r
g
concept.Childrendeveloparepreiththe
sentationofsignicantothersfromthewaytheyweretr
worldandthosearoundthem(Smith,1990;vanManen, e
.
eatedin
1998). Selfchildhood.Asanadult,thisrepresentationisactivatedi
conceptdistortedbychildsexualabuseresultsinadult D
i
ninterreectionontimesofabuse.Selfs
personalrelationshipsandelicitsaffectiveresponses(
consciousnessand,ultimately, selfAnderson,
conceptareconstitutedthroughothersasindividualsret
o
Chen,&Miranda,2002)thatmayresultinthesexualabu ect
seofa
onthepastandanticipatethefuture(vanManen,1990). r
t
child.MarkusandCross(1990)contendthatothersshap When
ethedechildrenareobjectiedthroughsexualabuseandtoldthe
d
velopingchild,bothearlyinlife,astheindividualconstr eyare
s
uctsa
e
coresenseofself,andthroughoutlife,astheactual,anti
l
cipated,
f
orrememberedevaluationsandconcernsofsignicant
othersare
c
continuallyorganizedintotheworkingoftheselfo
concept(p.
n
602).Theindicationisthatchildreninternalizetheattitu
c
desand
e
behaviorsoftheirparentsintoadevelopingselfp
concept(Ant
derson,Chen,&Miranda,2002;Chen&Boucher,2008;
s
Chen,
a
Boucher,&Tapias,2006;Simons,Wurtele,&Durham,2
r
008).
e
Thebodyisacrucialsitefortheconstructionoftheselfi
concept.Nietzsche(1961)describedthelivedbodyas
n
Behind
yourthoughtsandfeelings,mybrother,standsamighty

ternalizedbychildrenandbecomethescriptsforfuturei
nteractionsandrelationships(Lyn&Burton,2004).Theselived
body
experiencesofchildhoodarerememberedbyadultchil
dsexualabusersintheirencounterswithadultsandchildren(
Smith, 1990). Consequences of these remembered
experiences
may
resultinphysicalillnesses,mentalillnesses,ortheabus
edbecomingtheabuser(Araji&Finkelhor,1986;Holmes&Ho
lmes,
2002;Hulme&Agrawal,2004;Leahy,Pretty,&Tenenba
um,
2004; Maniglio, 2009; McCloskey & Bailey, 2000;
Simons,
Wurtele,&Durham,2009;Starzyk&Marshall,2003;Too
mbs, 1988;Ward&Beech,2006).
Althoughanumberofstudiesonchildsexualabusehave
used
theoreticalperspectives(Bornstein,2004;Marshall&M
arshall,
2002;Starzyk&Marshall,2003;Weeks&Widom,1998),
none
couldbeidentiedthatcapturedtheexperiencesofchil
dhood
forchildsexualabusersthroughdirectinterviews.Many
studiesonchildsexualabusersusequantitativeormixedme
thods
tofocusonsinglefactorsdirectedtowardcausalexplan
ations
ofchildsexualabuse.Existingresearchhasnotconsider
edthe
complexnatureofchildhoodexperiencesamongchilds
exual abusers from a phenomenological descriptive
stance. Psychi- atric mental health and primary
care practitioners are in key
positionstoidentifyandaddresschildhoodissuesfromt
heperspectiveoivedexperiences.Recognizingtheimporta
nceof

livedexperiencesofchildrencanleadtointerventionstr
ategies
thatcanfacilitatenormaldevelopmentandbreakthetr
ansmis- sionofchildsexualabuse.
METHODS
This investigation employed a phenomenological
descrip- tive approach to study childhood
experiences of incarcerated
malechildsexualabusers.Theinvestigatorusedthede
scriptive
analyticalmethodofMaxvanManen.vanManen(1990)
considersthatphenomenologicalinquiryisnotunlikeanar
tistic
endeavor,acreativeattempttosomehowcaptureacert
ainphenomenonoifeinalinguisticdescriptionthatisbothholi
stic
andanalytical,evocativeandprecise,uniqueandunive
rsal,powerfulandsensitive(p.39).Thegoalofphenomenologic
aldescriptiveresearchistodescribe,inanaccuratemanner,
thelived
experienceofapersoninrelationshiptowhattheresear
cheris studying (Balls, 2009, van Manen, 1990).
Phenomenological
descriptiveresearchallowsthereadertounderstandth
eessence
ofthelivedexperienceandlivedmeaning(Creswell,20
03).The methodisbothintuitiveandreective. Indepthinterviewswereconductedfromarelaxedapproa
ch
thatexaminedessentialfeaturesofthelifeworldasagui
deto explore and illuminate the childhood
experiences of the participants.Descriptivephenomenologyaimstodescrib
erather
thanexplain(Finlay,2009).Thismethodofphenomenol
ogyis
moreabstractthanotherqualitativemethodsandwase
specially appropriatetoexplorethiscomplexsubject.

681
mannerismsaswellasverbalandnonverbalcues.Anint
rospectivejournalwaskeptbytheresearchertodocumentinsightand

CHILDHOODEXPERIENCESOFMALECHILDSEXUALABUSERS

Participants
Incarcerated child sexual abusers were recruited
from a Southeastern prison using a purposive convenience sampling

allow

critical

reective

practice.

Reective

practice

is

design. The logic and power of purposeful sampling is in selecting

cessofreductionanditistheprimaryprocessofphenomeno-

information-rich participants from whom the re-

logicalinquiry(Mason,2002;vanManen,1997).Thejournal

searchercanlearnaboutthephenomenonofstudy(Streubert& Carpenter,

servedasthestudysaudittrailandwasanimportantpartofthe analysis.

pro-

Corrections (DOC)wasacquired.

NVivo2datamanagementsystemwasusedtomanage
tran- scribeddata.Transcribedinterviewswerecodedusingaliteral

Thepsychologicalexamineratthefacilityidentiedpossible participants that

interpretivereexiveprocess,whichorganizedstructuralthemes

met inclusion criteria. Participants were in- cluded who had been

intodescriptivecategories.Casesummarieswerewrittenand

convicted of sexual abuse of a child

rewrittenusingwithinandcrosssectionalanalysistoemphasize relevant

youngerthan13yearsofage,hadnotmurderedtheirvictims,

categories and themes. The categories were elevated

hadanIQgreaterthan80,were18yearsorolderatthetimeof

tothematiclevelusingreections,writings,andmetaphorical

thecrime,anddidnotdenyguilt.Participantswereapproached

insightsoftheresearcher.Conrmabilitywasaccomplishedob-

bythepsychologicalexaminer,informedthataresearchstudy

jectivelybypeerreviewduringtheanalyticprocess.Selected

wasbeingconductedatthefacility,andaskedtoconsiderpartic-

quotesarepresentedtoillustratethemajorthemes.

1999). IRB approval both at the University and through theDepartment of

ipating.Possibleparticipantsweregivenoneweektoconsider

Interviewswereconductedinthemedicalbuildingconf
er- enceroom.Thissitewaschosenbecauseinmatesreportedtothe

RESULTS
Fourmajorthemeswereidentiedinductivelyfromthei
n- terviewdata:(1)failuretoroot;(2)whatyouseeiswhatyou learn;

medicalbuildingfrequentlyforhealthcare.Theresearcherdid

(3)lifesmoments;and(4)stupidisasstupiddoes.These

nothaveaccesstoanyprisonrecordsandidentiedparticipants

themescouldnotbecombinedtoformamoreinclusivecon-

bynumber.Thepsychologicalexaminerhadanassistantsetap-

struct.Theyinteractandoverlaptocharacterizethechildhood

pointmenttimesthatallowedextratimeforarrivalsanddepar-

experiencesoncarceratedmalechildsexualabusers.

theirdecisiontoparticipate.

turesfromthefacilitymedicalbuilding.Ifaninmatechosenot
toparticipateinthestudy,theydidnotcomefortheinterview. This process
ensured no inmate was pressured to participate
andthosewhodidordidnotparticipatecouldnotbeidentied
byeitherthepsychologicalexaminerortheresearcher.Teninmatesvolunteeredforthestudyandeightofthetenreported for the interview.
Due to the vulnerability of this population
andthesmallnumberofparticipants,theobligationtoprotect
participantscondentialitypreventsdescriptionondividual proles.

The sample was one of convenience, however

continuous
dataanalysisindicatedthatdatasaturationwasachievedthrough
redundancybythesixthinterview.Additionalinterviewsfailed
toyieldnewinsight,howevertwomoreinterviewswereconductedassuringsaturation.

ThestudywasconductedbetweenSeptember2003an
dMay 2006.Theresearcherprovidedabrientroductiontothepurpose
ofthestudyandsecuredinformedconsent.Asemi-structured
interviewguidedevelopedaroundthelifeworldexistentialism of lived space,
lived other, lived body, and lived time facilitatedtheinterviewprocess.Theinterviewbeganwithqueries
relatedtotheparticipantslife,suchas,Tellmeaboutyour- self and how you
grew up and progressed to more focused
questions,suchasCanyoudescribeyourchildhoodhome? Initial questions
established rapport with the participant and allowedopenendedquestionstoowfreely.Specicprobing
questionswereusedinformationdidnotcomeforthfreely. Interviews lasted
from 60 to 120 minutes and were audio- recorded. Recordings were
transcribed verbatim. Field notes were recorded that richly described
participants actions and

FailuretoRoot
Failuretorootisthethemeusedtodescribeexperienc
es oivedspace.Richdescriptionsoftheparticipantsreections
onchildhoodspacerevealexperiencesoffear,anger,aggres- sion,
abandonment, threat, not living up to expectations, and
uncertainty.Theserepresentationsaretheessentialtexturalde- scriptions of
the structural category of actions, moods, and
perceptions.Thecategorynoplacelikehomereectshome as a place to
be avoided. Participants reported they tried to
avoidtheirhomespaceduetoabuse,violence,andpunishment. The
described components of failure to root were frequently
encounteredintheinterviews(Table1).

Actions, Moods, and Perceptions

Thespaceofactionishowourbodilyspaceisexperience
d inourenvironmentorlivedspace.Participantsreportedthreats of
abandonment and violence, being locked in closets, and suffering from
abuse, rejection, and a lack of protection.
Morethanoneoftheparticipantsindicatedtheirmotherknew about the
sexual and physical abuse of themselves or their siblings at the hands of
their step-fathers. Space of mood deals with the intentionality that one
has with the emotive or permeating tone of an environment (Bohme, n.
d.). The metaphor,youcouldcutthetensionintheroomwithaknife,
isagoodrepresentationofspaceofmood.Participantsinthis
studywereconstantlyaffectedbythespaceofmoodsintheir
environments.Participantsdescribedtheirexperiencesofspace

682

L.H.GARRETT

TABLE1 FailuretoRoot

Components Quotesa

Actions,Moods,andPerceptions
Therewasjustalotofdrinkinggoingonbetweenmymomanddad.Therewasalotof
namecalling,hittingandbeating,justapartoiving.
Shewasalwaysgettingbeatup.Shewasasaggressiveasanybodyelse,constantly
tellingusthatnoneofuswereanygood.Ithinkshehadalotofangertodealwith.
Shejusthadtodealwithit[andthewayshechosewastoabuseus]. NoPlacelikeHome Mystepfatherwasveryabusivephysically,mentally,andsexually.Noneofthesiblings
worriedabouteachother.Youfendedforyourself.Ibasicallygrewuponthestreets.I
stayedoutofthehouseasmuchaspossible.Iknowmymotherknewwhatwasgoing
on.Therewasnowayshecouldnt.
Iwouldrathersitinthestreetastogohome.Ijustwouldntgohome.Itisthatsi
mple.I couldntwaittogetoutforgood.
aIllustrativequoteshavebeenslightlyparaphrasedtoincreasereadability.

ofmoodsasfear,suspense,anticipation,uncertainty,a
nger,and
rejection.Thespaceofperceptionisthewayonesenviro
nment is perceived or interpreted, in other words,
Perception is learned in an embodied, communal
environment
(Thomas,
2005,p.70).Participantsreportedtheirspaceofpercep
tionsas
beingunwanted,unloved,andblamedforwhatwaswro
ngwith their families. Participants recollected being
told
they
were
worthless,ugly,wouldneveramounttoanything,andift
hey
werenolongeraround,lifewouldbebetterforthefamily.
No Place Like Home
Studyparticipantscouldnotdescribetheirchildhoodho
mes
orspaceswheretheyplayedorfantasizedaboutthems
elvesor
theirlives.Oneparticipantdescribedhismemoryofhish
ome as a three bedroom brick. Descriptions by
the participants
regardingtheirhomespacereectedwhatoccurredint
hehome.
Participantsreportedbeingmovedorshiftedfromonepl
aceto
anotherfrequently.Mostoftheparticipantsindicatedth
atthey
avoidedtheirhomesandiftheyhaddreamsorfantasies,
they werecenteredonleavingthelivedspace.

WhatYouSeeisWhatYouLearn
Whatyouseeiswhatyoulearnisthesecondprominen
t
themeofthechildsexualabusers.Thisthemecapturedt
heexperiencesoftheparticipantsthroughthestructuraltheme
slookingthroughthewindowandbeingintheworld.Existe
ntially,
itrepresentslivedother(relationality).Livedrelationali
typrovidestheattestationofonesmeaningfulnessinlife(va
nManen,
1990).Whilethesestructuralthemesoverlaptheywere
related
indifferentcontexts.Aggressionisinbothstructuralthe
mes.
However,aggressioninlookingthroughthewindowis
ag- gression toward the participant, and in being
in the world,
aggressionisbytheparticipanttowardsothers(Table2)
.
Looking Through the Window
Mostoftheparticipantsreportedthattheyhadtobevigil
ant
astowhatwasgoingonaroundthem.Participantsindica
tedthat
theyhadtobeawareoftheirparentsmoods,howdrunkt
hey
were,howangrytheywere,andifthescenewasescalati
nginto
physicalorsexualabusetoknowhowtomoveandactwit
hin
theirenvironment.Mostdescribeeffortstoisolatethem
selves

TABLE2
WhatYouSeeisWhatYouLearn
Components Quotesa
LookingThroughtheWindow
Icanbeabadperson.IbelieveitwashowIwasraised.Whatyouseeiswhatyoulearn.
Ifyouareseeingiteverydaythatiswhatyouaregoingtodo.Itiswhatyoulearn.
Nowmomwasbad.Shewouldhityouwithanironskilletortobaccostick.Shewould
evenhityouwithabeerbottle.Youhadtowatchherallthetime.
BeingintheWorld Yes,Iwasaggressive.Thatwasawayoifethen.Well,eitheryougetpickedonoryou
dothepicking.Thosearethetwochoicesyougot.Youdidntwaitforthemtocome
afteryou.
Yea,evenafterthathappened[thesexualabuse]Ifeltresponsible.Iwould
workeven hardertogetthingsbackrighttothewaytheywere.
a

Illustrativequoteshavebeenslightlyparaphrasedtoincreasereadability.

CHILDHOODEXPERIENCESOFMALECHILDSEXUALABUSERS

68
3

frominteractionswiththeirparentsiftheirparentswere
drinking
becausethesituationcouldbecomedangerousquickly.
Being in the World
Participantsreportedfeelingisolatedandabusedbeca
useof
theirrelationshipsinchildhood.Itwasconveyedthatpa
rental
relationshipsoftenrepresentedrejectionandblame.T
heydescribedadultresponsibilitiesthatoverwhelmedthema
ndanger
andaggressionthattheyperpetratedtowardothers.All
partic- ipants described physical ghts with peers
in school or their neighborhoods. Some of the
participants portrayed a life of
constantlytryingtoprotectyoungersiblingsfromsexu
aland physicalabusebyastepparent.Alloftheparticipantsindicated
theybeganusingalcoholordrugsatyoungages.
LifesMoments
Abstractionofthetexturalthemesofavoidance,surviv
al,and
lossrepresentthecategorylifesmoments.Whenask
edabout
signicantfamilymemories,suchasspecialeventsorm
oments
ofchildhood,theparticipantswereunabletorecallspeci
aloccasions.Whattheyrememberedweretheeventsrelatedt
oothers
actionsorhowothersrelatedtothem.Theyrelatedincid
entsof
avoidance,tryingtosurviveoravoidadangeroussituati
on,and
thelosstheyfeltfromgrowingupthewaytheydid.When
asked
abouthopesanddreamsasachild,mostreportedtheyju
sttried to get by and survive. Survival was a fulltime occupation
fortheseparticipantswithmostoftheirtimebeingcons
umed withavoidingharmandday-todaysurvival.Allsaiditseemed
asiftimedrugbyandtheirmostdesireddreamwastolea
ve their homes. Participants indicated they had lost
homes, parents,siblings,pets,signicantothers,andtheirownchil
dhoods (Table3).
StupidIsAsStupidDoes
Thethemeofstupidisasstupiddoesisanabstraction
of
thedatacollectedrelatedtolivedbody.Thisabstraction
was
conceived from the lm
Forrest Gump
(1994). Participants
describedbeingcalledstupid,ugly,idiot,andw
orthless

bytheirfamilymembersorcaretakers.SomeparticipanTABLE4
tsspoke
Stupidis
idDoes
ofthemselvesasdumb,stupid,orslowlearners.Onepar
C
o
ticipant TABLE3
m
LifesMoments
p
o
Components Quotesa
n
ThatwasThen
e
Ihadnodesireotherthantogetby.Inever
n
t
hadanygoals.Ijusttriedtogetbyday
s
today.Istayedoutofthehouseasmuch aspossible.
Iwantedtogoanyplace.Icouldntwait
Q
to getoutofthehouse.
u
o
t
e
s
a
S
l
o
w
L
e
a
r
n
e
r
/
S
t
u
p
i
d
I
w
a
s
s
u
p
p
o
s
e
d
t
o
b
e
s
t
u
p

eraturethathasassociatedchildhoodexperiencesofp r
hysical,
n
mental,andsexualabusetofuturebehaviors.Thesepars
a
ticipants
t
Illustrativequoteshavebeenslightlyparaphrasedtoincreas
wereinaconstantstateofexpectationandthreatbothp o
eread- ability.
hysically
andmentally.Theirdevelopingsenseofworthandselfrecalled wanting to look like other children so his
concept were fashioned from what happened
parents
externally. As children, these men were not given a
wouldnotthinkhewassougly.Oneoftheparticipantsdr
space of loving acceptance and
ew
safetywheretheycouldthriveanddeveloptheinternals
apictureofhisfamilyandhedrewthemallaswormsand
ense ofselfandselfhe
worthothersexperience.Rootingimpliesthat arm or
wasthesmallestoftheworms.Whilesomeparticipantst
secure base occurs in the beginning of life. These
alked
indirectly about
their families,
the
participantshadafailuretoroot.Thesemenwerenots
components
represented
afein
bytheabstractionofstupidisasstupiddoeswererepo
theirchildhoodlivedspaceandtheirintentionshadtoco
rted
nstantly beturnedoutward.Merleaubymostoftheparticipants.Forrest,inthemovie,wastau
Ponty(1945,p.339)describedthe
ght that if he did not act in accordance with those
importanceoivedspacebysaying,Wehavesaidthat
who
taunted
space
him,thenhewasnottheonebeingstupid.Thewordsofth
isexistential;wecouldjustaswellhavesaidthatexisten
e
participantssuggest
ceis
thatunlikeForrest,theparticipants
lived
spatial.Thesenseoivedspaceisthemostinvisibleoft
bodyexperiencesinvolvedperceptionsofselfaccordin
heexgtohow
istentialworldsbecauseitistheclosesttooureverydays
theyweretauntedandwhatotherssaidtothem(Table4)
elf,yet thisiswherethedeepsenseofselforself.
conceptisdeveloped.
Theseeightparticipantscouldnotturntheirintentionin
ward
DISCUSSION
Childhoodexperienceshaveaprofoundimpactontheb fortheirownrelationaldevelopmentandasaresultfailu
reto rootcontributedtoadistortedself-concept.
ehavioralandphysiologicalaspectsofaperson.Categoricalt What you see is what you learn thematically
represents
hemes
presentedinthisresearcharecongruentwithotherrese achildwhoengageslifeasifheweregazingthroughawin
archlitdow.Observationsfromthewindowarehowthechildlea
a Illustrativequoteshavebeenslightlyparaphrasedtoincreasereadinterprethissenseofselforselfconcept.Insteadofhisintenability.
tionalitybeingturnedinwardtowardselfdiscovery,thechilds
id. TheyalwayssaidIwasaslow
learner.Justplainstupidreally.

684
L.H.GARRETT
intentionalityorrelatednessisturnedoutwardtowardh theyweretoblamefortheabusestheysuffered.Theabu c
owothers
sethese individualssufferedaschildrenarelifer
acttowardhimandwhatheobserves.Thomas(2005)de lasting.Earlychildhood abuse, regardless of the kindu
scribes
thisfromtheperspectiveofMerleau- of abuse, thwarts the develop- mentofapositiveself-e
Pontyasrelatednesstothe
concept.Thesemengrewupbelieving
l
world,theintegralinterconnectednessbetweenhum
theyweretoblamefortheabusestheysufferedandtheym
ansisalwere
i
waysdirectedtowardspecicevents,objects,andphen luckytheysurvived.However,violenceandsufferingfr s
omena
omtheir
r
(p.70).Thosewhogrowupplacingtheirintentionalityor childhoodcouldnotbeescaped,ratherviolenceandsuffe
atering
p
tentionsolelyonlifeoutsideofthewindowdonotdevelo areembodied(Green,1998)andcontributedsignican r
pa
positiveself- tlytoa distortedself-concept.
e
concept.Whattheyseeiswhattheylearn.RegretSomeparticipantsinthisstudyreportedbeingtoldbypas
tably,whatresultsaredistortedconceptsrelatedtoself- re
entsthattheywereworthless,stupid,andwouldnevera n
identity
andhowtointeractwithothers.Participantsinthisstudy mount
t
toanything.Theseparticipantsbelievedthemisrepres a
developednegativeconceptsofself,negativeconceptsof entations
t
andcruelnamestheywerecalled.Thementalabusethe i
others,
andnegativepeerrelations.Thesenegativeconceptsc ysufo
feredservedtoconrmthedistortedviewofselfthatdevn
ausedan
inabilitytoconnectandhavebeencalleddissociation eloped.
s
Withoutquestionthesemenacceptedwhattheyweretoo
bysome
researchers(Narang&Contreras,2005).Also,ithasbee ldabout
f
themselves.Stupidisasstupiddoesrepresentstheexw
nreistenportedthatastrongassociationexistsbetweendissoci
h
tialoivedbody;however,livedbodyandlivedotherare a
ationand
so closely related for these men that signicant
thepotentialtoabuselaterinlife(Hetzel&McCanne,20
t
overlap ensued. Some have called the lived body t
05).
Participantsinthisstudyreportedrepeatingtheabuset the disembodied body beh
heysuf- fered and observed by ghting and picking causehumanexperiencecreatesanincompleteportraie
on
others.
Their tofthe
y
bodyduringsuffering(Turner,1994).Theseparticipant l
wayofbeingintheworldwastodoittoothersbeforeitwa
ssufs
o
donetothem.Childabusehasthepowertofundamental feredfromadisembodiedbodybecausetheyreliedonoto
hers
lydamk
ageindividualsrelationshipswiththemselvesandwith
e
others
d
(Lisak,1994).Abusivefamilyrelationshipspredictpoor
l
coping
i
strategiesforchildreninadulthoodandcontributetoac
k
ycleof
e
abuse(Narang&Contreras,2005).Whatyouseeiswhat
.
you learn.
T
Some of the participants in this research lived with
h
such
e
horricabusesthattheirearlylivescenteredonsurvival
r
with
e
constantdesirestoescapetheabusiveatmospheres.O
s
neparticu
ipantsaid,ItsoverandIsurvivedit.Whenaskedtodes
l
cribe
t
childhoodlivedtimemostadultsrecallspecialtimesand
s
family
events;thesemenrecalledabuses.Lifesmomentswer
o
elled
f
withfear,abuse,andblame.Alloftheparticipantsweret
t
oldthat
h

eseparticipantssufferingareevidencedbythecrimest
hey committed as well as by their physical and
mental
illnesses.
Childsexualabuserslearntousesexasacopingstrateg
ytoalleviatethepainofchildhoodsexualabuse(Cortoni&Mar
shall,
2001).Unfortunately,usingsextoalleviatethepainofc
hildhoodsexualabusefrequentlyinvolvesanotherchild.St
upidis asstupiddoes.
This study demonstrates that experience is a multidimensionalconstructthatcontributessignicantlyto
adultbe- havior.Whilethefourmajorthemesarenotallinclusive,they
provideaframeworkforunderstandinghowchildhoode
xperi- encescontributetoadultselfconceptandadultbehavior.The
ndingsofthisstudyarecongruentwithexistingliteratu
rere- latedtochildabuseandselfconcept.However,thestudyextendsexistingliteraturebyidentifyingspecicconcept
srelated
tothechildhoodexperiencesthatcontributetodistorte
dself- concepts.
This study was limited by the incarceration of the
partic- ipants; it is difcult to access a population
of child sexual abusers in the general population. It
is likely that additional
uniquechildhoodexperiencesamongthosechildsexua
labusers
whoarenotincarceratedmayexist.Despitetheselimita
tions,
theimportanceofthestudyresultswarrantsfurtherinv
estigation
intothechildhoodexperiencesofchildsexualabusers.
Consid- erationforfutureresearchinclude:
(1)expandingthestudyto
includefemalechildsexualabusers;
(2)exploringthemeaning
ofchildhoodabusestochildsexualabusers;and(3)expl
oring

theexperiencesofsiblingsofchildsexualabusers.
Data from this study suggest that life existentials
of lived
space,livedother,livedbody,andlivedtimeofferanewl
ens
forexploringthechildhoodexperiencesofchildsexuala
busers.
Thesendingssupportthecentralityofconceptssucha
sfailure
torootandwhatyouseeiswhatyoulearntothedevel
opment ofselfconcept.Thendingsalsosupporttheneedforincrease
d
awarenessamongmentalhealthprovidersandotherpr
actitionersregardinglivedspaceandlivedothersinthedevelop
mentof positiveself-concept.
Declaration of interest :The author reports no
conict of
interest. The author alone is responsible for the
content and writingofthispaper.
REFERENCES
Abel,G.,&Harlow,N.
(2001).TheAbelandHarlowchildmolestationpreventionstudy.
JournalofInterpersonalViolence
,
2,325.
Andersen,S.,Chen,S.,&Miranda,R.
(2002).Signicantothersandtheself.
SelfandIdentity , 1,159168.
Araji, S., & Finkelhor, D. (1986). Abusers: A review of the
research. In D.
Finkelhor(Ed.),
ASourcebookonChildSexualAbuse (pp.89
118).Beverly
Hills:CA,Sage.
Balls,P.
(2009).Phenomenologyinnursingresearch:Methodology,intervie
wingandtranscribing.
NursingTimes ,
105(32),32
35.
Bohme, G. (no date). The space of bodily presence and space
as a medium of representation. Retrieved from
http://www.ifs.tudarmstadt.de/leadmin/
gradkoll/Konferenzen/SpacesBoshmePaper.html

CHILDHOODEXPERIENCESOFMALECHILDSEXUALABUSERS
685
Bornstein,R.
Hetzel,M.,&McCanne,T.
(2004).Interpersonaldependencyinchildabuseperpetratorsand
(2005).Therolesofperitraumaticdissociation,child
victims:Ameta-analyticreview.
physicalabuse,andchildsexualabuseinthedevelopmentofposttrau
matic
JournalofPsychopathologyandBehavioral
stressdisorderandadultvicitimization.
Assessment, 27(2),6776.
Bouvier,P.
ChildAbuse&Neglect , 29,915
(2003).Childsexualabuse:Viciouscirclesoffateorpathstore930.
silience?
Lancet,
361(9356),4648.
Holmes,S.,&Holmes,R.(2002).
Briggs,F.,&Hawkins,R.M.F.
Sexcrimes:Patternandbehavior
(1995).Protectingboysfromtheriskofsexual
.Thousand
abuse.
Oaks,CA:Sage.
EarlyChildhoodDevelopmentandCare , 110,1932.
Hulme,P.,&Agrawal,S.
Burn,M.,&Brown,S.
(2004).Patternsofchildhoodsexualabusecharac- teristics and
(2006).Areviewofcognitivedistortionsinchildsex
their relationships to other childhood abuse andadult health.
offenders:Anexaminationofthemotivationsandmechanismsthatu
JournalofInterpersonalViolence , 19(4),389504.
nderlie
Leahy,T.,Pretty,G.,&Tenenbaum,G.
thejusticationforabuse.
(2004).Perpetratormethodologyasa
AggressionandViolentBehavior , 11(3),225
predictoroftraumaticsymptomatologyinadultsurvivorsofchildhoo
236.
dsexual
Chen, S., & Boucher, H. (2008). Relational selves as selfabuse.
JournalofInterpersonalViolence ,
afrmational re19(5),421540.
sources.
JournalofResearchinPersonality
Lisak,D.
,
42,716733.
(1994).Thepsychologicalimpactofsexualabuse:Contentanalysisof
Chen,S.,Boucher,H.,&Tapias.
interviewswithmalesurvivors.
(2006).Therelationalselfrevealed:IntegraJournalofTraumaticStress , 7(4),525
tiveconceptualizationandimplicationsforinterpersonallife.
548.
Psychological
Locke, K., & Christensen, L. (2007). Re-construing the relationalBulletin, 132(2),151179.
interdependentself-construalanditsrelationshipwithselfConnolly,M.
consistency.
Jour(2004).Developmentaltrajectoriesandsexualoffending:AnanalnalofResearchinPersonality , 41,389402.
ysisofthepathwaysmodel.
QualitativeSocialWork
Logsdon,M.
,
3(1),3959.
(2010).Violenceexposureinchildren,adolescents,andwomen:
Cortoni,F.,&Marshall,W.
Thelivedexperience.
(2001).Sexasacopingstrategyanditsrelationship
IssuesinMentalHealthNursing , 31,23.
tojuvenilesexualhistoryandintimacyinsexualoffenders.
Lyn, T., & Burton, D. (2004). Adult attachment and sexual
SexualAbuse:A
offender status.
JournalofResearchandtreatment , 12(1),2743.
AmericanJournalofOrthopsychiartry , 74(2),150159.
Cresswell, J. (2003).
Research design: Qualitative, quantitative, and Manglio,R.
(2009).Theimpactofchildsexualabuseonhealth:Asystematic
mixed
reviewofreviews.
ClinicalPsychologyReview ,
methodsapproaches (2nded.).ThousandOaks,CA:Sage.
Engelsrud,G.
29,647657.
(2005).Thelivedbodyasexperienceandperspective:MethodMarkus,H.,&Cross,S.
(1990).Theinterpersonalself.InL.A.Pervin(Ed.),
ologicalchallenges.
QualitativeResearch ,
Handbookofpersonality (pp.576608).NewYork,NY:Guilford.
5(3),267284.
Marshall,L.,&Marshall,W.
Felitti,V.
(2002).Theroleofattachmentinsexualoffending:
(2002).Therelationshipbetweenadversechildhoodexperiencesan
Anexaminationofpreoccupied-attachmentd
styleoffendingbehavior.InB.
adulthealth:Turninggoldintolead.
ThePermanenteJournal , 6,4447.
Finlay,L.(2009).Debatingphenomenologicalresearchmethods.
Phenomenology&Practice , 3(1),625.
ForrestGump .
(1994).Film.DirectedbyRobertZemeckis.ScreenplaybyEric
Roth.
Fuchs,T.
(2007).Psychotherapyofthelivedspace:Aphenomenologicaland
ecologicalconcept.
AmericanJournalofPsychotherapy , 61(4),423439.
Garrett,L.
(2006).Childhoodreectionsofadultmaleincarceratedchildsexualabusers.
(Doctoraldissertation).AvailablefromDissertationsandtheses
database.(UMINO.3209101).
Green,L.
(1998).Livedlivesandsocialsuffering:Problemsandconcernsin
medicalanthropology.
Medical
Anthropology Quarterly, New Series
, 12(1),
37.

Copyright of Issues in Mental Health Nursing is the property of Taylor & Francis Ltd and its content may not
be copied or emailed to multiple sites or posted to a listserv without the copyright holder's express written
permission. However, users may print, download, or email articles for individual use.