Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
before marriage
By
Ishtifaq Anwar
053 554 530
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Chapter 1
INTRODUCTION
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And it could be said that in the very near future, the beginning of cohabitation may be a
more apt marker of union formation than the marriage date. This means marriage will less likely
to be a young person's first experience of living with someone else in a committed sexual
relationship, and increasingly young Bangladeshis will be postponing marriage in favor of living
together until their mid to late twenties.
In line with these demographic trends, cohabitation now appears to be widely accepted and
tolerated by the law and the general population. In other countries, not only has the rate of
cohabitation before marriage escalated; the increase in the divorce rate has also resulted in a high
incidence of cohabitation after marriage breakdown.
Chapter 2
HYPOTHESIS
More then 80% of people of general age group in Bangladesh, especially in Dhaka, dont
support the idea of living together before marriage.
I identified the following questions to investigate in a Bangladesh context:
o What are the major effects on the society that are caused by pre marital cohabitation?
o What factors are promoting this tendency to increase?
o Which segments of people are involved in this?
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Conformity to social pressure - "Everyone else is doing it." "Something must be wrong with you
if you're not interested in living together".
Convenience - it's easier for two to live, transportation, shopping, etc.; "the relationship is easier
to give up if it's not a legal one".
Commitment - fear of or disbelief in long-term commitments.
Compatibility - those who have seen their parents or relatives get divorced, feel that living
together is a test of their relationship or trial period allowing them to learn what they can about
their partner so that the best choice can be made, and divorce avoided - "until you share a bedroom
with someone, you don't really know them well and what all their habits may be".
Economics - This is the second most common reason people give for living together.(1) It's
cheaper for two to live together than one; "why pay for two apartments when we can share one?"
or (2) "it isn't penalized in fact, it's encouraged, so why not?" Escape Problems or Failure - it's
easier to run from difficulties and go to a safe' place where they may feel more loved' and
appreciated. The felt pressures come from various sources: expectations from parents, school
grades, job and career, or even friends.
Expectations - hope of establishing a more permanent relationship or the expectation of
increasing the chance for marriage.
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Lack of Moral Conscience - couples feel they are doing nothing wrong by living together. "It
doesn't hurt anyone." No account is given to the moral standards of scripture.
Lack of Understanding of What Real Love Is - With so many brought up in broken homes there
are no models to pattern their own lives after. They believe love is an act rather than a
commitment. Sex education is taught without morals or standards.
Pressure from their partner - by feeling they owe them some sort of allegiance or are obligated
to stay and/or have sex with them or else they will break up with them.
Rebellion/Independence
going
against
authority
and
what
accepted behavior. "I know this will really upset my parents and I'm glad!"
Rite of Passage into adulthood - It's an expected stage of personal development.
Sex - for its own pleasure and readily available sexual relationships begin earlier.
Value Change - regarding the family and the institution of marriage.
Chapter 4
GOOD IN LIVING TOGETHER BEFORE MARRIAGE
is
commonly
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Social, economical, political aspects are changing in courses of time and a new idea is
taking place.
o
Remedy to family instability, broken families and individualism - People who cohabit are
much more likely to come from broken homes. Among young adults, those who experienced
parental divorce, fatherlessness, or high levels of marital discord during childhood are more likely
to form cohabiting unions than children who grew up in families with married parents who got
along. They are also more likely to enter living-together relationships at younger ages. For young
people who have already suffered the losses associated with parental divorce, cohabitation may
provide an early escape from family turmoil, although unfortunately it increases the likelihood of
new losses and turmoil.
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The growth of cohabitation is also associated with the rise of feminism. Traditional
marriage, both in law and in practice, typically involved male leadership. For some women,
cohabitation seemingly avoids the legacy of patriarchy and at the same time provides more
personal autonomy and equality in the relationship. Moreover, women's shift into the labor force
and their growing economic independence make marriage less necessary and, for some, less
desirable.
o
Underlying all of the trends is the broad cultural shift from a more religious society where
marriage was considered the bedrock of civilization and people were imbued with a strong sense of
social conformity and tradition, to a more secular society focused on individual autonomy and self
invention. This cultural rejection of traditional institutional and moral authority, evident in all of
the advanced, Western societies, often has had "freedom of choice" as its theme and the acceptance
of "alternative lifestyles" as its message.
Chapter 7
TYPES
There are three groups of cohabiters, those headed toward marriage, those cohabiting as a
temporary alternative, and those cohabiting as a permanent alternative to marriage. Generally they
are: Linus Blanket, Emancipation, Convenience and Testing Relationships .A brief description of
each are:
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DATA ANALYSIS
Methodology
This research paper is based on personal interviews.
When?
It was conducted August 7th to august 8th, 2010.
How?
It was done by personal interview.
Respondents
Male (13)
Experience
1
No Experience
12
Constraints
Female (7)
0
7
There were not enough respondents who have co habiting experience to come to a definite
conclusion. If I had a greater number of respondents, I could obtain more distinctly different views
between males and females. Cultural and age differences might complicate the results and interfere
with differences in views between males and females.
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2. If you are against living together before marriage, which factors do you think stop you from
it?
a) Parental disapproval
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b) Religion or custom
c) Societys view
d) Worries about children born during cohabitation
e) Future marriage partner's view
Rank the best advantages of living together before marriage Testing before marriage &
better understanding
Satisfying sexual desires
Saving money
If a partner doesnt match, I may find another better choice
Sense of responsibility grows up before marriage that makes a happy married life
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3. Rank the worst disadvantage of living together before marriage Break ups and divorce
Difficulties to decide sex role and division labor
Less responsibilities to the relationship
Mistrust after marriage
Troubles in dividing properties once shared after breaking up
Great possibilities to fall into too dependent relationship
Increasing parentless child and single parent
Boys often refuses to marry even after a sexual relationship
Demoralization of social norms and ethics
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5. Living together___
a) Is causing our traditional family system to break down
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o Most males parents dont know the relationship of their child. The main reason for living
together before marriage for males is to avoid loneliness and a testing compatibility before
marriage. Besides experimentation before marriage loneliness reason is important to females.
People who have not experienced living together before marriage:
o Males are more positive towards cohabitation, giving reasons such as good understanding
and good opportunity to build up experiences. On the other hand, females are rather negative
towards cohabitation because of their religion and social values.
o Females care more about their parents, children and future partner when they consider
cohabitation, and religion and society are the second considerations. Also, males care about their
religion and future partner but they are not concerned about parents, society or children as much as
females are.
o Except for small differences, men and women think about the advantages of cohabitation
in almost the same way. A number of both males and females agreed that cohabitation is good for
testing before marriage and growing responsibility. It is interesting that most of the males and
females think that satisfying their sexual desires is the best advantage of cohabitation. A recent
social research showed the number of people who choose cohabitation for sex and economic
reason are growing.
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o Males are most worried about mistrust, but females are refusal and social demoralization.
In addition, some female respondents suggested other disadvantages, which are not in the choices,
such as children born during cohabitation and lack of privacy.
Synthesis
What I learned
o Males have had more experience, and share it with others openly. It is interesting that
they show conditional or conservative attitudes towards cohabitation while their behaviors seem to
be liberal.
o Considering disadvantages of cohabitation, females are worried about refusal and
children who might be born during cohabitation. It is interpreted that most women are worrying
about the fact that the females can be easily victims of cohabitation. Interestingly, men seem not to
be worried about the children in case their partners get pregnant.
o Avoid being lonely, sexual relationship, and testing before marriage are the main reasons
of cohabitation as well as financial reasons. Also, love regardless marriage drives males and
females to cohabit.
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o In conclusion, even though males and females are dependent on circumstances in general
towards cohabitation, some of them take negative and conservative views of it. There are many
reasons for cohabitation and different views between men and women especially to the
disadvantage of cohabitation.
What was surprising or expected?
o A large number of males and females regard 'testing before marriage' as the best
advantage of cohabitation. However, it is pointed out that most cohabitation relationships last only
less than one year on an average, as the experienced males and females answered.
o Females become more open to cohabitation than before, and some of them even choose
cohabitation for sexual relationship.
I think...
Cohabitation has fewer responsibilities and obligations to the partner, so it would easily end
up with suffering and misery if people start it simply.
To have successful cohabitation, thinking it over and thorough planning are necessary.
CONCLUSION
We are seeing a very slow cultural change where romantic love and courtship has been
giving way to an altogether new alternative.
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From the survey I conducted and secondary data, it might be concluded that the idea of pre
marital cohabitation is not that much frequent still now and about 30% people dont support it
where 75% may consider it depending on circumstances.
Finally, I may say that my hypothesis was partially true.
_________________________________________________________
"Cohabitation - It's Training for Divorce"
- Chuck Colson (1995)
"People who marry "til death do us part" have a quite different level of commitment, therefore a quite different level of
security, thus a quite different level of freedom, and as a result a quite different level of happiness than those who marry
"so long as love doth last." The "love doth last" folks are always anticipating the moment when they or their mate
wakes up one morning and finds the good feeling that holds them afloat has dissolved beneath them."
- Jessie Bernard in "The Future of Marriage"
bibliography
Report of survey on marriage, divorce and separation in Bangladesh, 1998,
Bangladesh Bureau of Statistics, 1996.
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http://members.aol.com/cohabiting/index.htm
http://marriage.rutgers.edu/default.htm
http://inside.bard.edu/academic/specialproj/darling/transition/group24/
http://okisnotok.blogspot.com/2003_09_01_okisnotok_archive.html
http://personalwebs.myriad.net/Roland/default.htm
http://www.aifs.gov.au/institute/aboutaifs.html
APPENDIX