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PORN HURTS YOUR PARTNER

Several studies have found that partners of porn users often report feeling
loss, betrayal, mistrust, devastation, and anger when they learn that the
other half of their committed relationship has been using porn. Many
show physical symptoms of anxiety and depression.

KEY TAKEAWAYS

Porn increases negative feelings

in relationships.
No serious research has proven
that porn improves relationships.
Porn makes women feel like they
are never enough.

eres an inconvenient truth: While porn is

something users can choose to do on their
own, that use doesnt just affect themit
affects their partner too, and not for the better.
Two of the most respected pornography researchers, professors Jennings Bryant and Dolf Zillman
at the University of Alabama, who have studied the
effects of porn and media for more than 30 years,
said that when it comes to porn use no rigorous
research demonstrations of desirable effects can be
reported. [1] In other words, in all the serious research thats been done on porn, no one has found
that it has any benefits. What several studies have
found, however, is that porn use can cause serious
damage not only to the user, but also to those closest to themespecially their partner. [2]
Studies have shown that even casual use of porn
can cause the user to feel less attracted to their
partner. [3] And when a person frequently uses
pornography, theyre far more likely to feel less
satisfied with their partners looks, sexual performance, and willingness to try new sexual acts. [4]
Why all the sudden disappointment with ones
partner? Its likely due to the fact that porn promotes a completely fictional version of how people
look and behave (See Porn Is a Lie), and makes it
look like an exciting realityone that their partners often feel they can never live up to. [5]
Given that the women depicted in porn are surgically enhanced, air-brushed, and Photoshopped,
[6] its not hard to see why, according to a national
poll, only one in seven women doesnt think that
porn has raised mens expectations of how women
should look. [7]
And its not only looks that are being depicted
with unrealistic standards. In most porn, sex is
all about men; [8] women are depicted as being
happy with whatever a man wants to do, even if
its dangerous, painful, or humiliating. [9] A study
of the most popular porn videos found that nine
scenes out of 10 showed women being verbally or
physically abused, yet the female victims almost
always responded with either pleasure or appeared
to be neutral. [10] In even the most mainstream

Get the Facts on Pornography 2013 FIGHT THE NEW DRUG

porn, the sex acts shown are overwhelmingly

degrading toward women, and are usually
geared toward enhancing mens pleasure. [11]
As a result, male porn users ideas of what sex
should be are often warped [12] and their partners often report that they are asked to act out
porn scripts or do things theyre not comfortable with or find demeaning. [13]
In interviews with college-age women, feminist
writer Niomi Wolf has found that in sexual
relationships, women frequently feel that they
can never measure up, that they can never ask
for what they want. [14]
And the emotional pain can run much deeper
than having a bad time in bed. Since women in
our culture typically expect their intimate relationships to be built on trust, respect, honesty,
and love, when a woman learns that her partner
is using pornwhich typically glorifies the
opposite: disrespect, abuse, aggression, and infidelityit can not only damage the trust she has
in her partner, but also shake the foundation of
everything she believed about her relationship.
[15]
That pain can have very serious consequences.
Several studies have found that women often
report feeling loss, betrayal, mistrust, devastation, and anger when they learn that their
partner in a committed relationship has been
using porn. [16] Many women show physical
symptoms of anxiety and depression. Some
show signs of PTSD, and some even become
suicidal. [17]
To make matters worse, the majority of women
who learn of a partners pornography use
isolate themselves at least somewhat from their
normal sources of social support, just when
they need those support networks most. [18]
In many cases, women fear telling anyone at all,
either because theyre embarrassed about it or
theyre afraid of being blamed for their partners
problem. [19]
For many partners, the blame can even come

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from themselves. One study of women in relationships with porn addicts found that while
the women often felt their partner was uncaring
or selfish, they also worried that somehow the
problem was their fault. [20] And for many of
the women, their partners porn use made them
feel like the entire relationship was a complete
farce. [21]

Citations
[1] Zillmann, D. (2004). Pornografie. In R. Mangold, P. Vorderer, and G. Bente
(Eds.) Lehrbuch der Medienpsychologie (pp.56585). Gottingen, Germany:
Hogrefe Verlag.
[2] Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography and Violence: A New look at the Research.
In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A Collection of Papers (pp. 5768). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute; Paul, P. (2007).
Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and
Our Families. New York: Henry Hold and Co., 160; Ryu, E. (2004). Spousal Use of
Pornography and Its Clinical Significance for Asian-American Women: Korean
Women as an Illustration. Journal of Feminist Family Therapy 16, 4: 75; Bridges,
A. J., Bergner, R. M., and Hesson-McInnis, M. (2003). Romantic Partners Use of
Pornography: Its Significance for Women. Journal of Sex and Marital Therapy 29,
1: 114; Bergner, R. and Bridges, A. J. (2002). The Significance of Heavy Pornography Involvement for Romantic Partners: Research and Clinical Implications. Sex
and Marital Therapy 28, 3: 193206.
[3] Bridges, A. J. (2010). Pornographys Effect on Interpersonal Relationships. In
J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A Collection
of Papers (pp. 89-110). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute; Bergner, R. and
Bridges, A. J. (2002). The Significance of Heavy Pornography Involvement for
Romantic Partners: Research and Clinical Implications. Sex and Marital Therapy
28, 3: 193206.
[4] Zillmann, D. and Bryant, J. (1988). Pornographys Impact on Sexual Satisfaction. Journal of Applied Social Psychology 18, 5: 43853.
[5] Bergner, R. and Bridges, A. J. (2002). The Significance of Heavy Pornography
Involvement for Romantic Partners: Research and Clinical Implications. Sex and
Marital Therapy 28, 3: 193206; Senn, C. Y. (1993). Womens Multiple Perspectives and Experiences with Pornography. Psychology of Women Quarterly 17, 3:
319041.
[6] Hilton, D. L. (2013). Pornography addictiona supranormal stimulus considered in the context of neuroplasticity. Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology,
3, 20767; Paul, Pamela. (2007). Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our
Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families. New York: Henry Holt and Co., 145.
[7] Paul, P. (2010). From Pornography to Porno to Porn: How Porn Became the
Norm. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A Collection of Papers (pp. 320). Princeton, N.J.: Witherspoon Institute.
[8] Paul, P. (2007). Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our
Relationships, and Our Families. New York: Henry Hold and Co., 132.
[9] Bridges, A. J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Chyng, S., and Liberman, R. (2010).
Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best Selling Pornography Videos: A Content
Analysis Update. Violence Against Women 16, 10: 10651085.
[10] Bridges, A. J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Chyng, S., and Liberman, R. (2010).
Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best Selling Pornography Videos: A Content
Analysis Update. Violence Against Women 16, 10: 10651085.

Get the Facts on Pornography 2013 FIGHT THE NEW DRUG

[11] Bridges, A. J., Wosnitzer, R., Scharrer, E., Chyng, S., and Liberman, R. (2010).
Aggression and Sexual Behavior in Best Selling Pornography Videos: A Content
Analysis Update. Violence Against Women 16, 10: 10651085; Marshall, W. L.
(2000). Revisiting the Use of Pornography by Sexual Offenders: Implications for
Theory and Practice. Journal of Sexual Aggression 6, 1 and 2: 67.
[12] Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography and Violence: A New look at the
Research. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A
Collection of Papers (pp. 5768). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute; Paul, P.
(2007). Pornified: How Pornography Is Transforming Our Lives, Our Relationships, and Our Families. New York: Henry Hold and Co., 187; Layden, M. A.
(2004). Committee on Commerce, Science, and Transportation, Subcommittee on
Science and Space, U.S. Senate, Hearing on the Brain Science Behind Pornography
Addiction, November 18; Zillmann, D. (2000). Influence of Unrestrained Access to
Erotica on Adolescents and Young Adults Dispositions Toward Sexuality. Journal
of Adolescent Health 27, 2: 4144.
[13] Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography and Violence: A New look at the Research. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A Collection of Papers (pp. 5768). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute; Ryu, E. (2004).
Spousal Use of Pornography and Its Clinical Significance for Asian-American
Women: Korean Women as an Illustration. Journal of Feminist Family Therapy 16,
4: 75; Shope, J. H. (2004). When Words Are Not Enough: The Search for the Effect
of Pornography on Abused Women. Violence Against Women 10, 1: 5672.
[14] Wolf, N. (2004). The Porn Myth. New York Magazine, May 24.
[15] Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography and Violence: A New look at the
Research. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A
Collection of Papers (pp. 5768). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute.
[16] Bridges, A. J., Bergner, R. M., and Hesson-McInnis, M. (2003). Romantic
Partners Use of Pornography: Its Significance for Women. Journal of Sex and
Marital Therapy 29, 1: 114; Schneider, J. P. (2000). Effects of Cybersex Addiction
on the Family: Results of a Survey. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity 7, 1 and 2:
3158.
[17] Steffens, B. A. and Rennie, R. L. (2006). The Traumatic Nature of Disclosure for Wives of Sexual Addicts. Sexual Addiction & Compulsivity 13, 2 and 3:
24767; Wildmom-White, M. L. and Young, J. S. (2002). Family-of-Origin Characteristics Among Women Married to Sexually Addicted Men. Sexual Addiction &
Compulsivity 9, 4: 26373.
[18] Manning, J. C. (2010). The Impact of Pornography on Women: Social Science
Findings and Clinical Observations. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social
Costs of Pornography: A Collection of Papers (pp. 6987). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute.
[19] Layden, M. A. (2010). Pornography and Violence: A New look at the
Research. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of Pornography: A
Collection of Papers (pp. 5768). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon Institute; Manning,
J. C. (2010). The Impact of Pornography on Women: Social Science Findings
and Clinical Observations. In J. Stoner and D. Hughes (Eds.) The Social Costs of
Pornography: A Collection of Papers (pp. 6987). Princeton, NJ: Witherspoon
Institute; Wildmom-White, M. L. and Young, J. S. (2002). Family-of-Origin Characteristics Among Women Married to Sexually Addicted Men. Sexual Addiction &
Compulsivity 9, 4: 26373.
[20] Bergner, R. and Bridges, A. J. (2002). The Significance of Heavy Pornography
Involvement for Romantic Partners: Research and Clinical Implications. Sex and
Marital Therapy 28, 3: 193206.
[21] Bergner, R. and Bridges, A. J. (2002). The Significance of Heavy Pornography
Involvement for Romantic Partners: Research and Clinical Implications. Sex and
Marital Therapy 28, 3: 193206.

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