Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
Act 1 Part 2
(Ginny enters)
GINNY: Ron! You were supposed to take me to Madam Malkins and use those sickles Mom gave you for
my robe fitting.
HARRY: Whos this?
RON: This is my stupid little dumb sister, Ginny. Shes a freshman. Ginny, this is Harry Potter.
(Ginny and Harry shake hands)
GINNY: Youre Harry Potter. Youre the boy who lived!
HARRY: Yeah, and youre Ginny.
GINNY: Its Ginevra.
RON: Cool, Ginnys fine.
RON: Stupid sister! (Claps in ear) Dont crowd the famous friend!
(Oriental music begins playing)
HERMIONE: Do you guys hear music or something?
HARRY: Music, what are you talking about?
RON: Yeah someones coming. Whoa!
(Cho Chang posse enters in a line. Lavender Brown in front, Cho Chang in back. Harry, Ron, Hermione,
and Ginny turn to them)
POSSE: Cho Chang
Domo arigato, Cho Chang
Gung Hey fat Choy Chang
Happy Happy New Year, Cho Chang
GINNY: Whos that?
HARRY: That Cho Chang.
RON: Thats the girl Harrys totally been in love with since freshmen year.
HERMIONE: Yeah but he wont say anything to her.
RON: You never tell a girl you like her. It makes you look like an idiot.
(Ginny walks to Lavender Brown and taps her on the shoulder)
GINNY: Konnichiwa Cho Chang. It is good to meet you. I am Ginny Weasley.
LAVENDER: Girl, I aint Cho Chang!
(Ginny runs back to Ron, Harry and Hermione)
RON: Thats Lavender Brown! (Claps) Racist sister!
CHO: Its alright. (To audience) Im Cho Chang yall.
HARRY: Shes totally perfect!
RON: Yeah, too bad shes dating Cedric Diggory huh?
HARRY: What? Who the heck is Cedric Diggory?
(Cedric bursts onto stage, pushes Harry and Ron aside)
CEDRIC: Oh, Cho Chang
I am so in love with Cho Chang
From Bangkok to Ding Dang
I sing my love aloud for Cho Chang
(Chos posse and Cedric exit right)
HARRY: I hate that guy!
RON: Are were going to get those robes or not?!
GINNY: Okay, lets go!
(All exit left as Neville enters. Crabbe and Coyle enter right)
GOYLE: (To Neville) Present your arm nerd! (Neville shows Crabbe his forearm. Crabbe points wad at
arm) Indian Burn Hex! (Neville falls to his knees, yelling in pain)
(Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny enter left. Ginny runs to Neville and takes his away)
HARRY: Het, why dont you leave Neville Longbottom alone?
GOYLE: Well, well, well. If it isnt Harry Potter. You think all because youre famous, you can boss
everyone around?!
HARRY: No. I just dont think its cool for guys your size to be picking on guys like Neville.
GOYLE: Oh, well you know what I think? I think glasses are for nerds! (Crabbe takes Harrys glasses and
pretends to break them). We hate nerds!
Act 1 Part 3
(Lights come up to two rows of benches opening to audience. Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Ginny are in the
first row on right. Draco, Grabbe, and Goyle are across from them. Albus is standing in the center.)
ALBUS: Welcome to another magical year at Hogwarts, and a very special welcome to my favorite
student, Harry Potter. (Ron cheers obnoxiously). He kill Voldemort when he was just a baby. Hes even
got that little lightning scar on his forehead to prove it. Another very special welcome to our newest
member to Gryffindor, Ms. Ginny Weasley!
GINNY: Arent we supposed to be sorted by the sorting hat?
ALBUS: Well, a funny thing happened to the sorting hat. He actually got hitched with another piece of
enchanted, magical clothing. So, he and the scarf of sexual preference arent going to be back until next
year. Basically Ive just been putting anyone who looks like a good guy in Gryffindor, anyone who looks
like a bad guy in Slytherin, and the rest can go wherever the hell they want. I dont really care.
CEDRIC: Hufflepuffs are particularly good finders.
ALBUS: What the hell is a Hufflepuff?... Anyway its time now for me to introduce my very good friend,
our very own potions master, Mr. Severus Snape.
RON: Ah man, Professor Snape. I though they fired that guy.
GINNY: Why? Whats wrong with professor Snape?
RON: Uh, nothing. Hes just, uh, EVIL!
(Snape comes out from behind a pillar and creeps up to center stage, looking around with wide eyes)
HARRY: Come on Ron, hes really not that bad.
SNAPE: Harry Potter, Detention! For talking out of turn. Now, before we being, I will give you all you
very, very first pop quiz. Can anyone tell me what a port-key is? (Hermione raises her hand). Yes Ms.
Granger.
HERMIONE: (Fast) A port key is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one or ones
who touch it to anywhere in the globe decided by the one who created the enchantment.
SNAPE: Very good! Now can anyone tell me foreshadowing is? (Hermione raises her hand again). Yes,
Ms. Granger.
HERMIONE: (fast) Foreshadowing is a dramatic device in which an important plot point in mentioned
early on in the story in order to return later in a more significant way.
SNAPE: Perfect!
RON: Whats a port-key again? I missed that one.
HERMIONE: Oh! A port key is an enchanted object that when touched will transport the one anyone in
the globe.
SNAPE: And remember, a port-key can any seemingly harmless object, like a football, or a dolphin.
LAVENDER: Professor, Can like a person be a port key?
SNAPE: No! Thats absurd. Because then if a person were to touch themselves (turns to Ron and glares at
him), they would constantly be transported to different places. A person can, however, be a horcrux.
HARRY: Whats a horcrux?
SNAPE: Im not even going to tell you Harry, youll find out soon enough.
HERMIONE: Professor what is the point of this quiz?
SNAPE: Oh, no, no, no. No point in particular. Just important information that EVERYONE should
know. (Point to someone in audience) Especially you. Now, moving right along. There are four houses in
all. Gryffindor (Gryffindors cheer), Ravenclaw (Ravenclaws cheer), Hufflepuff
CEDRIC: --Find!
SNAPE: What?... And Slytherin (Slytherins makes hissing noises). No traditionally points are given for
good behavior and deducted for rule breaking. Example, 10 points from Gryffindor,
GRYFFINDORS: What?
SNAPE: For Ms. Grangers excessive baby fat.
HARRY and RON: Thanks Hermione.
SNAPE: Traditionally the house with the most points at the end of the year would win the house cup.
However, this year were doing things a bit differently. Here to introduce it is our new Professor of the
Dark Arts, Professor Quirrell.
(Quirrell enters and moves center stage; Harry holds his forehead in pain)
QUIRRELL: The house cup. A time honored tradition. For centuriesDRACO: Go home terrorist!
QUIRRELL: For centuries the 4 houses of Hogwarts have competed for the honor and glory of holding
the title of house champion. But where does this competitions come from, and what are the roots of the
tradition?
HERMIONE: The house cup tournament began with the first generation of Hogwarts students.
QUIRRELL: (Aggravated) That was a rhetorical question.
ALBUS: Granger, quit interrupting. 20 points from Gryffindor.
QUIRRELL: As I was saying, when the tournament first began it was one of a completely different sort.
One champion from each of the 4 houses would complete a series of dangerous tasks. The winner would
not only win the cup, but also win eternal glory.
HERMIONE: Kind of like a tri-wizard tournament!
QUIRRELL: Yes, sort of like the tri-wizard tournament, except no not like that at all. There are four
houses, how can it be a TRI-wizard tournament with four teams?
HERMIONE: But professor, if I remember correctly, the house cup tournament was disbanded after one
semester when one of its students was killed during the first task.
QUIRRELL: Yes, it is very dangerous, but the rewards far outweigh the risks.
HERMIONE: I dont think you heard me. I just said somebody died.
ALBUS: Hermione shut your ungodly, lopsided mouth and quit interrupting, 20 more point. You know,
for the cleverest witch of your age you really can be a dumbass sometimes!... (pleased) 10 points to
Dumbledore!
QUIRRELL: Yes, yes, well it will be very dangerous, but the winner will be remembered as a hero for
ages to come. And as the Professor for the Defense Against the Dark Arts, I believe that thispractical
application is exactly what the curriculum needs to(Voldemort sneezes).
ALBUS: Did your turban just sneeze?
QUIRRELL: What? No.
ALBUS: I couldve sworn I heard a sneeze from your direction but your mouth wasnt moving.
QUIRRELL: No. That was simply a fart, excuse me. (Quirrell begins to exit in front of Harry. Voldemort
sneezes more times. Harrys scar stings) I must be going. (sneeze) I simply farted once more. (Quirrell
exits right.
ALBUS: In accordance with the newly resurrected house cup a champion will be selected to compete.
Now Snape, will you do us the honors please?
SNAPE: Yes headmaster. (Snape moves to center stage with a large cup). First, from the Ravenclaw house
(Snape draws a card). Miss Cho Chang.
CHO: (Stands up in shock) Oh my God I won! Can you believe that yall?
SNAPE: Next from Hufflepuff (draws a card). Mr. Cedric Diggory.
CEDRIC: Well, I dont FIND this surprising at all.
CHO: I find it perfect that I get to spend more time with my beloved boyfriend.
CEDRIC: Im glad as well my darling (Kisses Cho on head)
SNAPE: Next, from the Slythereeen house. (draws card) Draco Malfoy.
MALFOY: (stand ups) Huh! Oh! (scuttles towards Harry) I finally beat you didnt I Potter? What do you
think of that, huh? (lays across Hermione, Harry, and Ron). Im the champion this time! (falls on floor
and moves back to bench stage right).
ALBUS: Draco, would you sit down you little shit! Champions just a title.
SNAPE: And finally from the Gryffindor house. (Draws card). Oh my, well isnt this curious. The one
person in all of Hogwarts whom I have a well-known grudge against is suddenly in a tournament where
he may very well lose his life.
NEVILLE: (Stands up). If its me ill just apologize to my fellow Gryffindors right now for losing.
SNAPE: Sit down, you inarticulate bubble! Its Harry Potter!
(Ron cheers obnoxiously loud)
ALBUS: Well there they are folks, the four Hogwarts champions. And I want all of you to start preparing
immediately because the first task is in 2 months and it could be anything. So lets get to it!
(All exit. Most people cheer Cho Chang. Malfoy cheers for himself. Blackout)
Act 1 Part 4
(Lights come up to the same set. Harry, Ron and Hermione enter from right).
RON: Harry, youve got this thing in the bag.
HARRY: I dont know man, that Cedric Diggory is pretty awesome. NOT! He sucks, were totally gonna
win, its in the bad!
HERMIONE: I dont know Harry
RON: OH MY GOSH Hermione shut up! Why do you have to rain on everybodys parade?
HERMIONE: Because Ron, this is dangerous.
HARRY: Dangerous? Oh come on Hermione how dangerous could it be? Especially for me?
HERMIONE: Youre not invincible Harry. Someone died in that tournament.
HARRY: Uh, Im the boy that LIVED, not DIED, come on. Whats the worst that could happen?
HERMIONE: And I dont known about that Quirrell character. First he resurrects some horrible ancient
tournament, then he bumps into you and your scar starts hurting, and you have to admit there is
something funky about the back of his head.
HARRY: Think about it. Professor Quirrell is a professor. And who hires professors?
HARRY and RON: Dumbledore.
ALBUS: Granger, why do you always have to be such a stick in the mud? Tell me, why should Harry
Potter not compete?
HERMIONE: Uh, because he wants to study?
ALBUS: Granger, nobody studies at Hogwarts except for you. Why couldnt Harry have told me this
himself? He thinks Im cool, were tight.
HERMIONE: ProfessorIm a really bad liar. Okay, I think its a ruse, a setup, and I even think that
Snape might be trying to kill Harry Potter.
ALBUS: Severus Snape is one of the kindest, bravest, gentlest, sexiest men I have ever met! Severus
Snape is trying to kill Harry Potter just as much as he is trying to kill me!
(Snape enters)
SNAPE: Oh, why Professor Dumbledore, I just happened to be in the kitchen and I made you this
delicious sandwich. (Snape reveals a sandwich with a pipe bomb in the middle).
ALBUS: Why thank you Severus. See Granger, how thoughtful!
SNAPE: Here you are Professor. Bomb-appetite I mean bon-appetite. (gives sandwich to Albus and
sets bomb. Sandwich begins to tick faster and faster)
HERMIONE: Is that sandwich ticking?
ALBUS: It looks like its licking, finger-licking good!
HERMIONE: Professor, I dont think you should eat that sandwich.
ALBUS: Why Granger, you should listen to Snape more often. You may even get a sandwich out of him.
(Hermione takes sandwich and throws it offstage and out of site. An explosion effect goes off.)
ALBUS: You dog gone exploded my sandwich!
HERMIONE: Im sorry sir!
ALBUS: Hey, even if I did believe that Harry Potter was in danger, he has to compete. You see that cup?
Its enchanted. Whoevers name comes out of the cup must compete or the results would be bad.
HERMIONE: What do you mean bad?
ALBUS: Try and imagine your entire life stopping instantaneously and every molecule in your body
exploding at the speed of light.
HERMIONE: Total protonic reversal.
ALBUS: Yeah, so you see he has to compete. It if makes you feel any better, the last guy that died in the
tournament was a Hufflepuff. Ill keep my eyes open and nothing is gonna get past old Dumbledore. Now,
Ive gotta go make a new sandwich. I dont know how it will be as good as the last one, the last one
ticked! (Exit)
HERMIONE: Because it was a bomb! (crosses) Harry, Im so sorry but I think youre going to have to
compete in the house cup tournament. But dont worry, I wont rest until I find out what the first task is.
RON: Ill sabotage all the other champions so you win by default.
(Draco, Crabbe, Goyle enter. Goyle is carrying Draco as Draco stares at Harry)
MALFOY: Well, isnt this touching?
RON: Oh my gosh just get out Malfoy!
(Goyle drops Malfoy and he starts rolling on the floor towards Harry, Ron and Hermione)
MALFOY: Goyle and I have a bet you know? He says you wont last 5 minutes in this tournament. I
disagree. I say you wont last five minutes at Pigfarts!
HARRY: Alright Malfoy what is Pigfarts?
MALFOY: Oh! Never heard of it? Huh, figures! Famous Potter doesnt even know about Pigfarts.
HARRY: Malfoy, dont act like you dont want to talk about it, thats like the ninth time youve
mentioned Pigfarts. What is Pigfarts?
MALFOY: Pigfarts is only the greatest wizarding school in the galaxy. Its where Im being transferred
next year.
HERMIONE: Malfoy, Ive never even heard of that.
MALFOY: (Stands up) Thats because Pigfarts (turns to audience) is on Mars.
HARRY: You know Malfoy, were trying to have a conversation here. So if you could just leave us alone,
thatd be great.
MALFOY: Oh! No, Im not even here.
(Harry, Ron and Hermione begin to murmur then mention Dumbledore)
MALFOY: Dumbledore!? What an old coot! Hes nothing like Rumbleroar!
GOYLE: RUMBLEROAR!
MALFOY: Rumbleroar is the headmaster at Pigfarts. Hes a lion who can talk.
HARRY: Malfoy, if you dont mind, were trying to have a conversation here, why are you even here?
Youre not even eating. Get outta here.
MALFOY: Well I cant help it if we can hear everything you say. Were the only ones in here.
HERMIONE: (let go of Malfoys tie as he falls on the floor) Alright! Now next time we tell you to leave
us alone you better do it! Come on Harry, Ron, lets get outta here. (To Crabbe and Goyle) Un-jellify!
RON: That was the most awesome thing Ive ever seen. Too bad no one was here to see it. It was like an
outbreak of pent-up aggression like AHH, HERMIONE
(Ron, Harry, and Hermione exit. Crabbe and Goyle get up)
GOYLE: Wow. That sucked royal hippogriff. We got beat by a girl whos a nerd.
MALFOY: I didnt mean what I said, you know. Pigfarts is real. Am I Am I bleeding? Goyle (Goyle
goes to Malfoy and sniffs his nose)
GOYLE: NO!
MALFOY: I thought maybe maybe it was a little Wow. Ive never been pushed down like that by a
girl. Maybe I shouldnt call her a mudbl- whatever. (Gets up and dusts himself off)
GOYLE: I cant believe I couldnt figure out the counter-curse was just un-jellify!
MALFOY: Right, Im not surprised. Come on lets go watch wizards of Waverly Place!
(They exit. Blackout)
Act 1 Part 5
(Lights open to Quirrells chamber. Quirrell enters)
QUIRRELL: Fools! Theyre all fools. They think theyre safe. They think theyre back to another fun
year of learning shenanigans at Hogwarts. Little do they know the danger thats lurking right under their
noses. Or should I say on the back of their heads!
(Quirrell turns his back to the audience so that Voldemort is facing the audience. Quirrell removes the
turban to reveal Voldemort for the 1st time. Voldemort screams then being coughing.)
VOLDEMORT: I cant breathe in that turban!
QUIRRELL: Im sorry sir, but its a necessary precaution. If they know that you lived when Harry Potter
destroyed you, you soul lived on
VOLDEMORT: Yes, that when my body was destroyed I was forced to live in the forbidden forest, eating
bugs, and mushrooms, and ugh, unicorn blood.
QUIRRELL: Until I found you and let you attach yourself to my soul.
VOLDEMORT: Yes, nobody must know of any of that. Now Quirrell, get me some water!
(Quirrell grabs a nearby water bottle)
VOLDEMORT: Now Quirrell, pour it in my mouth.
VOLDEMORT: Well, are you planning on putting them in a hamper? Whats your plan?
QUIRRELL: I figured Id just leave them there for now and Id maybe put them away in the morning or
something. Okay?
VOLDEMORT: (aghast) No! No!.. No, thats not okay. I cant go to sleep knowing that there are dirty
clothes on that chair. The chair is going to start smelling like dirty clothes.
QUIRRELL: Look, I promise Ill put them away in the morning.
VOLDEMORT: You put them away RIGHT NOW! I COMMAND YOU TO GET UP AND FOLD
THEM AT LEAST MAKE IT INTO A NEAT PILE!!!
(The two sit up in bed)
QUIRRELL: Look, if were going to be in this situation for a while, were going to have to learn to live
with each other. Now Ive been single all of my life and I have some habits. Sometimes I leave laundry
around.
VOLDEMORT: Well I believe that everything has its place. Muggles have their place Mudbloods have
their place And so do your clothes Namely, a dresser! (Stands up)
QUIRELL: Well arent we an odd couple?
(DIFFERENT AS CAN BE)
QUIRRELL:
You won't sleep on your tummy
VOLDEMORT:
You won't sleep on your back
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:
We're quite a kooky couple you'll agree
QUIRRELL:
We share some hands and fingers
VOLDEMORT:
And yet the feeling lingers
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:
We're just about as different as anyone can be
VOLDEMORT:
You like plotting a garden and I like plotting to kill
QUIRRELL:
You think that you should rule the world, I think books are a thrill!
Sipping tea by the fires is swell
VOLDEMORT:
VOLDEMORT:
When I rule the world Ill have snakes
And goblins, and werewolves, and giants, and thestrals,
a fleet of dementors, and all my Death Eaters!
(QUIRRELL: And Jane Austin novels)
VOLDEMORT & QUIRRELL:
When I rule the world!! Hahahaha!!!!
(Quirrell grabs turban and exits. Lights fade)
Act 1 Part 6
(Lights open to Harry playing a guitar in a chair with a suitcase on the floor next to him. Hermione is
reading on a bench nearby. Neville is on the opposite side of the stage taking care of a plant)
HERMIONE: Harry, dont you think you should try to figure out what the first task is going to be? You
could actually die if youre not ready.
HARRY: What? Come on. Cant you just do it for me? Cant you just prepare all my stuff for me? I mean
what are you doing right now?
HERMIONE: Im writing your potions essay.
HARRY: Oh, well do that first cuz its due tomorrow. But after that can you prepare for the first task
please? Thank you! You are the best! (Touches Hermiones noes)
(Ginny enters right.)
HARRY: Hey, Ginny. Come here. I want to show you something.
GINNY: Hey, Harry Potter!
HARRY: Listen, I want to play you this song Ive been working on. I want to play it for this girl I really
like, so I just want to know what you think. Just for the purpose of now, cause Im still working out the
lyrics. Im gonna put your name where hers should be, but I dont think its gonna work out, but well
try
(CHOS SONG)
Harry: Youre tall and fun and pretty
Youre really, really skinny
Ginny
Im the Mickey to your Minnie
Youre the Tigger to my Winnie
Ginny
Wanna take you to the city
Gonna take you out to diney
Ginny
Youre cuter than a guinea pig
Wanna take you up to Winnipeg
Thats in Canada!
Ginny Ginny Ginny Ginny
HARRY: This doesnt work with your name at all. How does it make you feel, emotionally? Dont you
think it could make a girl fall in love with me?
GINNY: I think it already has.
HARRY: Awesome! Cuz its for Cho Chang!
GINNY: Oh yeah she is beautiful.
HARRY: What, are you nuts!? Beautiful? More like super-mega-foxy-awesome hot! Shes far more
attractive, more appealing, and more interesting than any girl I know, in my immediate group of friends.
(Ron enters)
RON: Hey, Neville (hits Neville in the back of the head as head jumps over bench) (to Ginny) move,
move, move, move
(Ginny scoots over, knocking Hermione on the floor, Ron sits next to Harry)
RON: Hey! Harry, whats up? So I was just offstage hanging out with Hagrid, and I saw these delivery
wizards bringing giant cages into the dungeon.
HERMIONE: Giant cages? I bet whatever is in those cages has something to do with the first task! Harry,
we have to find out what it is.
(Harry stares blankly at Hermione, then begins to play guitar again. Hermione walks over to Harry and
takes his guitar from him)
(Ginny and Ron simultaneously)
GINNY: No! No! No! No! No! No! No!
RON: Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Whoa!
HERMIONE: This is serious. This is a matter of life and death!
RON: Well it doesnt matter because its after hours. We cant leave the Gryffindor house, and well
probably get in trouble if we do. Even if we do, shlongbottom over there will probably tell on us.
HERMIONE: Oh, Neville wont tell.
NEVILLE: Oh yes I most certainly will!
RON: So, what are we going to do?
Act 1 Part 7
(Quirrell enters)
QUIRRELL: (to Voldemort) Master, the shipment for the first task of the tournament has just arrived!
VOLDEMORT: Yes, I know Quirrell. I hear everything that you hear!
(Quirrell takes off turban)
QUIRRELL: Isnt this wonderful? We have made sure that Harrys name was drawn from the cup and
soon he will be ours!
VOLDEMORT: Yes its really happening isnt it Quirrell?... You know, with the plan going so well, I
feel like maybe we should celebrate. What do you say Quirrell, hows about we go out? I hear its karaoke
night down at the Hogs Head.
QUIRRELL: I dont know, I have all these papers to grade, and Ive been giving so much attention to this
revenge plan that Im really behind.
VOLDEMORT: Ahh come on Quirrell, youve been working so hard all year, you deserve a night off!
QUIRRELL: But the papers
VOLDEMORT: Oh, just give them all B-s and be done with it!
QUIRRELL: Now thats evil!
VOLDEMORT: Yeah, thanks. I am the Dark Lord. Come on, just a few drinks. And well try to pick up
some chicks.
QUIRRELL: I wouldnt know what to say. Im no good at that.
VOLDEMORT: Come on, itll be fun. You just move youre lips and Ill do the talking.
QUIRRELL: Ummm
VOLDEMORT: QuirrellMan.Listen I may just be a parasite on the back of your head thats
literally devouring your soul every time you take a breath, but I can see that youre too good a guy not to
have a bit of fun every once in a while. You deserve this.
QURRIELL: Well, if you put it that way, then sure, lets go wild tonight.
VOLDEMORT: Ahhhh! Thats the spirit Quirrell. Put on a fresh pain of wizards shorts and grab your
tunic. Quirrell, we are gonna get you laid.
(Quirrell begins to exit)
VOLDEMORT: Seriously man, back when I had a body, I had mad game with the ladies. Just ask
Bellatrix Lestrange!
(They exit stage left as Harry, Ron and Hermione enter with the cloak stage right. Harry is in front)
RON: This cloak isnt as big as it used to be.
HERMIONE: Shhhh! Someones coming!
(Draco, Crabbe and Goyle enter from behind them. Draco looks around in confusion)
DRACO: Did you just hear something?
GOYLE: No. Only quiet. Maybe one raindrop.
DRACO: No matter tell me, Goyle. Who do you think is the ugliest girl in school?
GOYLE: Uh (Draco turns to him impatiently) Oh, Buckbeak for sure. (Draco nods in contemplation).
Crabbe?
CRABBE: Uh, Winky the House elf.
DRACO: (Nodding) Good one Obscure You know who I think is the ugliest girl in school? That
Hermione Granger. You know whatd Id give her on a scale from 1 to 10 with 1 1 would be the ugliest,
and then 10 would be really pretty I would give her an 8. (long pause) An 8.5 Not-not over a 9.8,
because there is always room for improvement. Not everyone is perfect, like me. Thats why I am holding
out for a 10 because Im worth it. Come on, lets go.
(Draco turns towards Harry, Ron, and Hermione and sharply avoids them as he walks out. Crabbe and
Goyle follow, both dodging the group.)
RON: Wow, what a bunch of jerks.
HERMIONE: Forget them. Now where did you say you saw those crates being delivered?
RON: I think they were being delivered to the auditorium, so they should be at the end of this hallway and
to the left.
(They walk in place while the pillars move upstage in order to give the idea of walking forwards. A sheep
in a cage is set on the right side of the stage.)
HARRY: Hey look!
HERMIONE: A goat?
HARRY: Oh my gosh, I have to fight a goat? I dont know if I can do that morally.
(Snape and Albus enter)
SNAPE: And the goats have all been sent for feeding time, headmaster.
ALBUS: Feeding time? Dragons dont want to be fed, they want to hunt!
HARRY: (to group) Did he just say dragons?
SNAPE: (to Albus) Did you just say Did he just say dragons?
ALBUS: I must have, because anybody else hiding in this room would have known to shut upPotter!
SNAPE: Headmaster, do you really think its wise to have children fight dragons?
ALBUS: No, Snape I dont think its wise to do anything anymore. Here I am alive and well today, but I
could very well be killed by you, tomorrow.
SNAPE: Why thats absurd!
ALBUS: Lets go to bed. Have you ever seen my room? I have some pretty kickin posters on my wall.
(Snape and Albus exit towards the group. When they reach them they reach over the group and continue
on)
SNAPE: I am rather tired.
(Harry takes off cloak after Snape and Albus exit)
HARRY: Man, I have to fight a dragon? This is bogus! How can I fight a dragon, Im just a little kid?
RON: Well maybe it wont be that bad Harry. Maybe youll just have to fight like Mushu from Mulan or
Puff the Magic Dragon.
HERMIONE: Ron, this is serious! Harry could die. Alright, theres still time. We just need to figure out a
plan.
HARRY: Lets get back to the commons.
(They exit)
Act 1 Part 9
(Voldemort and Quirrell enter, obviously drunk. Voldemort is giggling)
QUIRRELL: I though walking home drunk was hard before
VOLDEMORT: We shouldve realize that with both of us drinking into one belly, wed get twice as
drunk. Hey Quirrell, do you remember that girl you were talking to? Well I was talking to her sister.
QUIRRELL: Oh, so thats why she freaked out when we stood up!
VOLDEMORT: Because she didnt know that we were the same person! Hahahaha!
QUIRRELL: You know, I havent had this much fun since Nearly Headless Nicks death day party of 91.
VOLDEMORT: I havent had this much fun since well, I cant remember ever having this much fun.
QUIRRELL: You never had fun ever? Doing anything? Maybe thats why youre so evil.
VOLDEMORT: Yeah maybe. I definitely nothing to do with the fact that muggles and mudbloods make
me feel sick to my stomach, but yeah I guess you could be right
QUIRRELL: What is it Voldemort?
VOLDEMORT: Oh, its just that I never really ever considered there was another reason for me being so
evil. Because normally I just I just kill people that try to get me to open up, you know? Oops. Its
kinda nice to just talk.
QUIRRELL: Yeah, you know, I have to admit I was kind of nervous when you first demanded that you
attach yourself to my soul.
VOLDEMORT: Yeah, I could sense that.
QUIRRELL: But like now I think its kind of cool. Its like having a really close roommate or even
VOLDEMORT: Yeah, like a slave like a death eater.
QUIRRELL: No man, its like having a friend.
VOLDEMORT: Ive never had a friend before.
QUIRRELL: Well it looks like youve got one now.
(DIFFERENT AS CAN BE REPRISE)
QUIRRELL:
I guess its plain to see
When you look at you and me
Were different
different
as can be
Act 1 Part 10
(Snape is center stage. Oriental music is playing)
SNAPE: The Hogwarts champions must now enter the Champions tent in preparations of the first task.
(Exit)
HARRY: (Enter with a luck sack) Man, I cant believe I have to skip lunch period for this stupid task.
(Hermione enters)
HERMIONE: Okay Harry, today is the day you fight the dragon. Now, did you read those notes I made
for you on dragons?
HARRY: No, but at least I have my wand
(Searches for wan, Hermione pulls wand out of her cloak)
HERMIONE: Here.
HARRY: (Taps her nose) Youre the best.
HERMIONE: Harry, please dont die today. I dont want to see my best friend get eaten by a dragon.
(They hug, Draco and Cedric enter)
CEDRIC: So, tell me more about this Pigfarts. I FIND it to be very interesting.
DRACO: Well, while youre there you have to wear a spacesuit at all time, because theres no atmosphere
on Mars. So if a single docking bay door opens, youll probably die.
CEDRIC: How dreadful!
DRACO: But the good news is if youre a good enough student, Rumbleroar lets you ride around on his
back.
CEDRIC: And hes the headmaster lion?
DRACO: Who can talk!
CEDRIC: Well hello Harry, how are you feeling today?
HARRY: Hey Cedric, trying to stay positive.
CEDRIC: Well good! Im happy to FIND you in good spirits. Ms. Granger.
HERMIONE: Hello.
(Cho is heard offstage then runs to Cedric)
CHO: Sugar pie!
CEDRIC: My darling!
HARRY: I hate that guy.
(Albus enters)
ALBUS: WOAH, Gosh Granger, I thought you were a Bogart. And what are you doing in the
Champions tent? Get outta here! Ten more points.
HARRY: Thanks Hermione!
(Hermione exists)
ALBUS: Now are you kids ready to fight a dragon? Of course not youre just children, what am I
thinking? Now, outside this tent there are thousand upon thousands of screaming fans. They are either
going to be cheering for you, or the dragon, but either way they are going to be making some kind of
noise. So, in order for the selection process to be fair, I am randomly going to select a cardboard cutout
size version of the dragon you will be facing. Cedric, for you Puff the Magic Dragon. ChoFigment
the Imaginary Dragon. Draco the reluctant dragon. And for you Potter The Hungarian Horntail, the
most terrifying thing youve ever seen in your whole life! Anyway, if three are no more complaints
HARRY: Wait a second! This is terrifying, and those are the cutest things Ive ever seen.
(Albus picks up Figment)
Act 1 Part 11
(Snape is seen holding a wreath center stage with a spotlight on him)
SNAPE: Attention all Hogwarts student, tonight is our annual Yule ball, so please remember to pick up
your Yule ball wreath and give it to that special someone.
(Lights rise, Ginny enters)
SNAPE: AHH GINGER!
(Snape throws wreath at Ginny and runs offstage. Cho and posse enter right. Harry enters left, carrying a
guitar.)
GINNY: (Hides wreath behind her back) Hey, Harry Potter.
HARRY: Hi Ginny.
GINNY: Fancy seeing you here.
HARRY: Well it is the cafeteria, so yeah.
GINNY: So um the Yule Ball is coming up.
HARRY: Yeah, I know. It is, its coming very soon.
GINNY: Well, were you thinking of going with anybody?
HARRY: I was. I was just waiting for the right time to ask somebody. (looks towards Cho) I think that
time is about now, so if you got something to say, just say it now.
GINNY: (Show wreath to Harry and screams in excitement.)
HARRY: Oh, is this for me? Oh, Ginny how did you know that I needed a wreath so that I could ask Cho
Chang? Youre the best!
GINNY: (saddened) Oh, Harry Potter. Just, forget it! (Storms offstage)
HARRY: Alright I will! (Moves to Cho) Hey, Cho Chang. Listen, um, I know the Yule Ball is coming up
and I was wondering if you maybe wanted to go with me. But just in case youre kind of on the fence
about it, you should know that I play guitar. I conquered that dragons heart with it and I thought maybe I
could conquer yours.
HARRY:
Youre tall and fun and pretty
Youre really, really skinny
Cho Chang
Im the Mickey to your Minnie
Youre the Tigger to my Winnie
Cho Chang
Youre cuter than a guinea pig
Wanna take you up to Winnipeg
Thats in Canada!
Cho Chang, Cho Cho Cho Cho China
Ching Chong Cho Chang!