***

STAY
By yuukisan

Chapter1
RightNow

All good things come to an end, nothing lasts forever. Flowers wither away, humans and
animalsdie,seasonschange,thehumanmemoryweakensandsometimes,feelingsfade.Itis
indeedinevitablebutwhatmattersisthelegacythatoneleavesbehindandwhatitdoesto
influenceotherpeopleslives.

SoNyuhShiDaeorgloballyknownasGirlsGenerationsdisbandmentwassadlytragic,not
onlytoKoreansbuttotheirinternationalfansaswell.People,mostlyfans,criedandmourned
likesomeonedied,impossibleasitmayseembutitwasararetimewhenKoreansareinavery
forlornstatetheycouldntevendoasinglejobright.

Itwasgloomy,theatmospherewasgloomy.
SNSD
Koreasnationalgirlgroup
Beloved,admiredanddesired.

Itsnotsomethingthatwouldgoonforever,thefansknewthat.Itsjustamatteroftakingitina
matureway.Suretherearerabidfansgoinginsanecrying,flailingtheirarmsaboutshouting
No!Thiscantbehappening!thatamongstotherwilderthingsyoucanseeontheirblogsbut
therearethereasonableones,probablythosewhovebeenfanssincethegroupdebuted.They
wouldsmile,shedatearortwoandsighinreliefwiththethoughtFinally,yougirlscancome
backtoyournormallives,nomorehecticschedules,rigidroutinesandnastybelowthebelt
commentaries,Finally,youcanrestandjustbeyourselves.

OtherKoreanentertainmentcompanieswouldrejoicedeepinside.Onebigrivaldown,wemust
workharderforustoreachtheapexofthisindustry,itllbeeasiernowthattheyregone.Most

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kpopgroupswerechopfallenaswell,thoughalreadysuccessfulintheircareers,theyrehumans
too,theyarefans,theyarefriendsofSNSD.Itshardnottolovethem.

Themembersthemselveshaveahardtimetakingitallin.Theyspenttheremainingdaysasa
group going around the country doing farewell performances and interviews that were
broadcastedinternationally.Afterthattheywouldgohometogether,nottotheirmilliondollar
homesbuttotheiroldhumbledorm.Theydwatchmoviesandjustsavorthemeagertimeleft,
orderChinesetakeoutandtakethousandsofpictures,videosandbehappy,halfheartedly.

Butthentheywouldcry,theywouldsobsoharduntilnomoretearscameoutoftheireyes.
Gatheredintheirfavoritepositionofacircle,theywouldholdhands,hug,foreheadstouching
theywouldsaythingstoeachother.

Thankyoufortakingcareofme
Youguysworkedhard
Letsnotforgetthis,whatwehad.Nooneshouldeverforget.
Goodluckonyourlives
Illmissyouguys
Iloveyou
***

Twoyearshadpassedandthestormseemedtohavecalmed.Peoplearemovingonwiththeir
lives,theoccasionalstansandpaparazziarestilltherebuttheyarentthathypedanymore,itis
asifSNSDisabigpartofKoreanmusicindustrythattheyhavetocheckuponthemfromtime
totime. Theyvebecomelessharmlessandmore casual, muchlessinterestedthanbefore
sincerookiegroupskeeppoppingoutfromvariouscompanies.Thefreshonesarealwaysfun
totalkabout.

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Yes,youbetternotskipoutonme!Youhearme?!Sunkyuplayfullyyelled,aphoneonher
ear.Shewascarryingapaperbagononearmandsomewhatjoggingalittle.Thecallended,
shepocketedherphoneandenteredhercar.

Tookyoulongenoughforacartonofmilk.Sooyoungsaid,sittingonthepassengerseatand
rummagingthroughthecarscompartmentforasnackbutfoundnothingbutoldgametapes
andanadultfilmcd.

Hereyeswidened.

WhatthehellSunkyu?!
Hey!Dontjudge!Thatsnotmine,itsYuris,ImplanningtogiveitbacklaterSunkyuspokein
defense,startingtheengineafterwards.
Butyouvewatchedit?Sooyoungpushedfurther.
Um,justsomeportionstheshortergirlmumbledinaudibly.
OhGod!thetallergirlfeigneddisbeliefandslappedherforehead.
Pornaside,whereshouldIdropyouoff?
KBSplease,Ihaveatapinginlessthanthirty
Awwwellwouldyoulookatthat,accompanyingmeeventhoughyourebusy,thanksSoo
Sunnybabytalked.
Ohshush,Imjustworriedyoudgetburiedinallthosegrocerybagswithwhatlittleheightyou
haveSooyoungpointedattheheapofpaperbagsatthebackseat.
Gosh,youstillcantstopfussingwithmyheight,canyou?!
Yah!Eyesontheroad,Idontwanttodieyet,wejuststartedlivingourlivesagain

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ThatseemedtocalmSunkyudownasthecarstoppedwheelingfromlefttoright,regainingits
wellalignedpositionontheroad.

TaeyeoncalledSunkyurattledoff,Sooyoungturnedherheadandsmiledwidely.
Really?!Thatsgreat!Willshecomelater?!
Yes.Also,shesaidshesgoingtobringsomeone
Oh?Hmm,soshesfinallygettingsomeactionhuh?
Seemsso,givemeaguess?
Nah,cantthinkofanyoneexceptyouknow..butthatsimpossiblesinceshejustgotmarried.
True,itcameasashockforme,seriouslyspeaking.

The car had reached the prestigious building. Eyes turned to the two as they said their
goodbyes.Therewillprobablybeanarticleoutbytomorrowaboutthat,Sunkyuthought.

Illjusthavetostockuponpasta,Iguess.
Yeah,youdothatsinceIwonthavethetimetoeatanyofthesnacksIbroughttoday,gosh,
thisdayisgoingtobealongone.
Sunkyurolledhereyesandsmiled.
DontforgettobringYoonashereminded.
Willdo,nowgetoutofhere,drivesafe!Sooyoungpattedthecarsroofbeforegoinginsideto
doherbusiness.

Herphonebuzzedwithafamiliarsongfromoneoftheirsuccessfulalbums.
Cantbelieveshehasntchangedit,probablydontknowhowSunkyugiggledtoherself.

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Hello?
Sica!Imonmywayback,Idroppedoff
Sunny!Youwontbelievewhojustarrivedatyourdoorstep!!!
Sunkyushoppedforsuppliesandingredientsfortonightshousewarmingparty.Shejustbought
anewonenearGangnam,itwasstylishandmodern.Yurihelpedherpickthathouse.

***

Nothingmuchhadchangedinthatspanoftwoyears,justthemfinallyhavingabsolutefreedom.
Goingclubbing,meetingoldandnewpeople,havinglotsoffun,experiencingstuffstheywere
restrictedtodobefore.
Nothingmuch
Justcatchingupwithlife

Their bodies havent adjusted with sudden change though. Before, they long to sleep for a
whole day, especially Jessica whos sleepy most of the time and Yoona because of her
inhumantapingschedules.Consideringtheiralmostjampackeditineraryeveryday,theresno
timeforsleep.Itskindoffunny,nowthattheyhaveallthetimeintheworld,theirbodieswont
letthemsleep.Itslikeasmokerswithdrawalsyndromewhenonedecidestoquitthevice.

Right now theydialed down the parties and clubbing shenanigans focusing moreon family
vacations and what business to put up since there wont be any salary from the company
anymore, better think of something to keep the income flowing, that, and the constant
gatheringstheyhavewhenevereveryonesfree.Theyhadpromisedtonotforget.
Letsnotforgetthis,whatwehad.Nooneshouldeverforget.

Andnonedid.

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Someofthemaredating,yes,butnoonesmarriedyet.Well,exceptforone.
Tiffany!Yuricriedout,hurriedlykickingherheelsaway,clumsilyslippingintooneofSunkyus
houseflipflops.ShelungedherselfatTiffanyandgaveherabonecrushinghug.
Yuri...Tiffanybreathedandhuggedback,hereyesdisappearing.Jessicaisleaningagainst
thebalconysslidingdoorwitharmsfolded,asweetsmileplasteredonherfaceasshewatched
thecelebratedmembersofSNSDno,asshewatchedherdearfriendscomeinonebyone.
Yuri,Yoona,Sooyoung,HyoyeonandJuhyunnowsurroundTiffanybombardingthepoorgirl
withendlessquestions.
OhmyGod!Howareyou?!Youreabittan!
Unnie,letmeseethering!Oh!Itsmarvelous!
HowwashoneymooninMorocco?
Ishetreatingyouwell?Tellmethetruth!
Oneatatimegirls,oneatatime!Tiffanysurrenderedherhandsup,smilingwithherusual
contagioussmilethatmakesyouwanttohateyourselfforlookingatit,itsthatbeautiful.
Abeautifulsmileforanequallybeautifulface
Nowonder,shesKoreastopeyesmilekiller.
Theylookedatherexpectantly.Tiffanysighed,theresnowayout.
Itwasreallygood.AfterwegotbackfromMorocco,hesurprisedmewithavacationvillain
Phuket.Itwasniceandbeautiful,itsnearthebeach,IbetJessiwouldloveitthereTiffany
spoke,andgaveJessicaateasinglookwhichthelatterdismissedbyrollinghereyesatthegirl.
ButwellprobablystayinKoreaforafewyears,Imean,ourrootsstillbelonghere,wecant
justleave.Shefinished.
Unnie,IcantbelieveyouremarriednowYoonaspokewithseriousness,almostpondering.
Yeah,andweallthoughtHyoyeonunniewouldbethefirsttotietheknotJuhyunagreed.

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AmIsupposedtobedisappointedwiththatfact?Hyoyeonplayfullycounteredwhilewrapping
Juhyuninalightheadlock.
Ugh,letgo!theyoungestprotested.
Okay,youkiddoscontinueyourbickeringelsewhere,gofiddlewithSunkyusnewplasmaTVor
whatever.SooyoungshooedawayabickeringJuhyunandHyoyeonfollowedbyYoonawho
wasinadilemmaonwhosesidetopick.
SofanyFirstofall,Congratulations.IknowIwasatyourweddingpersonallyandIsawthe
wholethingbutstill,IwouldliketocongratulateyouthistimenotasanSNSDmember,butasa
closefriend.Sooyoungsaidmeekly,grippingbothTiffanyshandsinher.
Aww,Soo,thanksalot,youdontknowhowmuchthatmeanstomeTiffanyanswered,eyes
formingintothincrescents.
ButIhavetoask..Sooyoungpushedon.Tiffanysheartsuddenlyfell.Sheknewwherethisis
going,shebitherlip.

Areyoureallyhappy?
Itwassuchaneasyquestion,suchasimplequestionevenathreeyearoldwouldnthaveany
problemsanswering,butwhydoesitfeellikethehardestquestioneverthrownather?
WasitaYes?No?Maybe?ShelookedatSooyoung.Tiffanykneweveryonewasabittroubled
whenshesuddenlyannouncedhermarriagetoNichkhun,buttheyrespecthersotheydidnt
probeanyfurtherexceptforSooyoungandJessica.Theytellyoutheworstthingsknowingit
wouldhelp.
Helpwhat?Clearhermind?Didshemakethewrongmove?ShelookedatSooyoung,shesso
pretty,Tiffanyactuallyenviedherbigeyes,prominentcheekbonesandherlongbeautifullegs.
Sooyoungdidntlooktroubled;hersmilewaskind,patient,andunderstanding.
MuchlikeTaeyeons
Right
Taeyeon

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WepoppedtheballoonTiffanysbeenavoidingsinceherarrival.Justthethoughtofherbringsa
smiletoherfaceandsomehowtonight,anacheinherheart.

Taeyeon,herfirstroommate.
Taeyeon,theoneshelivedwithforalmosthalfofherlife.
Taeyeon,herbestfriend.
Taeyeon,theonewhocaresthemost.
Taeyeon,whoseloveforherneverfaltered.
Taeyeon,herwifefor...eternity?

Funny how she said that but couldnt keep it, I mean its just for fanservice right? And an
appreciationforallthethingsTaeyeondidforhersincetheywerefifteen.Itsjustthat.Hermind
washazy,herhearthurts,shessomebodyelseswifenow,notTaeyeons,andherheartreally
hurts.

Ohdontbesoimmatureandmelodramatic;yourebeingcarriedawaybythatstupidpairing
peopleinvented.Shescoldedherself.Thisisreality;everythingsnothinglikeafairytalecome
true.Thetruthhurts.Suddenly,Tiffanydoesntlikethetruthanymore.

SuddenlyTiffanywantedtocry.Hereyesfeelwarmbehindthelashes,shecouldpicturethem
herself,theglossyeyes,thoughstrong,shesvulnerablewhenitcametoemotionsandfeelings.
Butwhywouldshecry?Andforwhom?

Herself?Taeyeon?Orperhaps...herfeelingsforTaeyeon?

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Doessheevenhavefeelingsforthegirl?Ifthereis,thenwhyistherearingonherfinger?
Taeyeondidntgiveherthat.

Ohyeah.Nichkhungaveherthat.Theguyshedatedforalongtimenow.Theguywithbig,
adorableeyesandbushyeyebrows,charming,hasanicevoice,lovesGodandlovesher.She
shouldbehappy,everythingsperfect.

Isitnot?

Long, slender arms engulfed her front and around the shoulders, her reverie was broken.
Sooyoungisveryunderstandingofcertainsituations,shedoesntjudgelikemostpeople.Shell
try her hardest to understand because she is a good friend, a very good one. Sooyoungs
alwaysthere,watchingthem,protectingthem,servingasabufferwhenthingsbetweenherand
Taeyeongettoointense,especiallyinpublicevents,beitarguingorjustplainclinginess.

Shesveryconsiderate.WhatTaeyeonis,WhatTiffanyisandwhateversgoingonbetween
them.Allofthegirls,includingsooyoung,acceptandlovethemthewaytheyare.Itsamusing
whenTiffanybrowsestheinternetsometimesandfindcandidpicturesofhersocalledpairing
withTaeyeon,Sooyoungwouldbeinthebackground,seeminglyactingasawatchoutandhow
peoplewouldcallherPresidentofthetaenyshippersorthefirstlocksmith(thatshowpeople
callthemselvesiftheyrefansofthesocalledtaenypairing,Tiffanylearnedthatthroughthe
internet).ShewouldlaughandthenrealizehowluckysheistohaveafriendlikeSooyoung.To
befriendswiththeothereightgirls.
Hercheeksfeelthefamiliarchestofthetallgirl.Sooyoungtightenedherhugandplaceda
tenderkissonTiffanystemples.

YoudonthavetoanswerSooyoungpulledawayandwaswalkingbacktothetroublesometrio
causingchaosinSunkyusnewlyfurnishedlivingroom.Thatgirlwouldfreak.
Soo..

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Thetallgirlglancedbackandsmiled.

IsTaeyeonwillshecometonight?

Thesmilegraduallyturnedintoasadone,almostpitiable.
Yes

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Chapter2
Backthen

WorkingforhoursonendwassomethingTaeyeonsgoodat,afterspendingcountlessyears
trainingandperformingonstage,herbodyhadadjustedtothetoughroutinesandmerciless
schedules. Today though, for no specific reason, she feels overworked, dead tired and
exhaustedbutithasonlybeenfourhourssincesheclockedin.

Hereyeswereaffixedtoasheetofpaper.Apaperwithfivelines,notes,lyricsandscribbleson
theside,probablyremindersshewroteforherself.Itwasexpectedthatthecompanywould
offerthemindividualcontracts,Taeyeonespecially.Lookingback,thisiswhatshewantedfrom
theverystart,tobecomeasoloartist.Butthensometwistedfateinterferedandsuddenlyshe
wasthrownintoanoutrageouslylargesizedgroupofgirlswhereeveryonewasbeautifuland
will become more beautiful after debut, everyones good in dancing, singing and in facial
expressions.Shewasafraidandinsecure.Dreadboilsinherthroatasthethoughtofgetting
cycledoutdawnsonherandthenshellhavetocomebacktoJeonjuasatotalfailureandcry,
cryalot.Allshewantedwastochaseherdream,shejustwantstosing,whymustthatdream
besohardtoachieve?

Shelooksatthemqueasilyandfeelssmall,liketheruntofalitter.Andtheyreveryanimated.
Animatedandenergeticinpractice,animatedandenergeticinbreaks,animatedandenergetic
and...and...confident.SomethingTaeyeonwasnt.Shewantedtorunawayandcry,shedidnt
knowwhattodowithherself,howtofitin,shewasalwayssoawkwardandtalkslittletonone.

Shesonlyconfidentwhenshesings,heraurachangesfromapoorpuppytoafeistyfox,shes
confidentbecausesheknowshervoiceisbetterthananyofthosegirls.Theywouldstareat
her, awestruck, and it feels good inside, they are noticing her. All eyes were on her. Kim
Taeyeon,thecountrykidfromJeonju.

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Dayslater,oneofthegirlsapproachesher.Taeyeonisntgoodwithsocialization.Shegrewup
inaquietplacewithjustherfamilyandafewfriends.Seoulisloud,busyandcrowded,butthe
peopleinSeoulknowhowtoadapttootherpeople,socialize,bestfriendsafteraminuteof
talking.Thatthoughtshefoundabsurd.Friendshipiseasybuttruefriendshiptakesyearsof
honing,oftrials,argumentsandtrustearningand...andlove.

It was their break time. Taeyeon sits crosslegged on the floor, alone, eyes on her lunch,
kimbap.Ashadowhoversoverherandshelooksupfearingfortheworst.Maybetodayisthe
dayshellgetbullied,pushedaroundandteasedbecauseofherheightorwhereshecame
from.Mouthagape,shecouldntchewnorgulp.Thegirlwastallerthanher,thisgirlistheone
whositsbytheairconditionereverytimeshefindsachanceandherfacewasstoic,serious,
scary.

YoureblockingmybagthegirlspeaksandTaeyeonwasquicktomove,scramblingtoher
feet,lookingforanewspot.
Dontbothershesaysagain,shelowersherselfandlooksatTaeyeon.StupidTaeyeonwith
hermouthopenandricegrainsstuckonhercheeks.Taeyeonwantstoswallowbutcouldnt.
Shelooksbackatthegirl.

Hereyeswereboringanddroopy.
Thegirlgentlypokeshernose,Taeyeonsheartbeatquickens.

Doyoueventalk?sheasks.
Taeyeonsthroatsuddenlyworkedasshegulpsdownherfood.Shewasabouttospeakwhen
thegirlshandlandedonherface,gingerlypluckingoutagrainthatsbeenstuckthere.
Taeyeonsheartbeatneverslowed.
Yourecutethegirlsaysandpopsthegrainintohermouth.
ImSooyeon,butyoucancallmeJessica,whatsyourname?

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TTaeyeon
Nice name, Taeyeonssi, would you like toeat with us? The socalled Sooyeon asks and
nudges herhead totheside whereTaeyeon seesagroupofgirls formingacircle, merrily
chattingandeating;afewofthemlookedatherandsmiled.
ShelooksbackatSooyeonandnodsherhead,enthusiastically.

Sooyeonsmilesather,warmly.ItwasthefirsttimeshesawSooyeonsmilebutthenagain,it
wasthefirsttimeSooyeoninteractedwithher.Later,shelearnstheirnames.Stella,Hwanhee,
Yejin,theboisterousonesYoonaandYuriandSeohyun,thepianist.Sooyeonsitsbesideher
andTaeyeonfeelscomfortable,Theyaskherwhatkindofkimbapshehasandtheconversation
continueson.Shewasnevertheoddoneoutafterthatday.Shewalkshome,callshermother
andbrother,hertonewaschirpy,happy.HermotherfeelsrelievedandTaeyeonsleptthenight
withoutaheavyheart.

ThoughTaeyeonwasolderthanher,Sooyeonactsasifsheis,butnotinabadway.Shewould
drape her arms around Taeyeons shoulder and chat with her, fix Taeyeons hair, hold
Taeyeonshandanddoallsortsofthingstohercheeksthenshedlookather,deeply.Taeyeon
wasalsoarookieinthisaspect;shetriestocrackthecodebehindSooyeonsstaresbutfails.
ShelearnsfromYurithatSooyeoncamefromSanFrancisco.

Wherethehellisthatplace?
SanFuranshisko?
Oh,itsEnglish.
MustbefromAmerica.

Thatexplainsit,thatshowtheydoitinthemovies,Sooyeonsbehaviortowardsherisjust
normalfriendship.Shefeelsrelievedandsomewhat...disappointed?Nah...Sooyeoniskindto
her,verykind.Itsjustfriendship,shelaterconfirmsthatwhenSooyeonstarteddatingaguy
fromapopularboygroupalsounderthecompanysmanagement.ShecongratulatesSooyeon

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whichshenowfondlycallsSica,theytalkaboutthingsthatcouplesdo,howshestreatedbyher
boyfriendoroppaorwhatever,Taeyeonsnotreallyinterested,shewasnevertherelationship
typenorthemarriagetypeanyway.

Theyremainfriends,Sooyeonisstillclingy,Taeyeonletsoutarelievedsigh,whenshedoesnt
feelanypainknowingthatSooyeonisdating.ShesnothurtandshedoesntlikeSooyeonthat
way,ormaybeshejustdidagoodjobtryingtopreventit.Shesnormal,andshestryingher
besttoconvinceherselfthatsheis.

Sooyeonisunsure,ifshedidtherightthingdatingthatguy.Hescuteandcharming,asweet
talker,andhekissesverygood.Butsometimesshefeelsasifshesmissingsomething,shedid
thatbecausewell,shewantedtodate,curiousandafraidatthesametime,notoftherumors
thatshesflirt,thatshesasluttygirl,goshjusthowoldisshetohavehadsomanyboyfriends
theywouldsay.Thosepeoplewerequicktojudgebecausetheyreimbeciles,shethought.She
wasafraidofherfeelings.Atfirst,itwasjustfriendshipandadmirationbecauseTaeyeonhasa
verynicevoiceandTaeyeonissocuteandadorableandsuddenly,Sooyeonfearsthatshe
mightactuallylikethegirl.Taeyeonhasthisuncannywayofluringpeopleintolikingherwithout
herevenknowingit.

Naturalcharm
AnditworkedonSooyeon,unfortunately.

Buttheyretraineessettodebutsomedayandshedoesntwanttocauseanyproblemsforthe
grouporexposethetruthintheformofrumorsthatwouldendangertheirbloomingcareers,
Taeyeon'sespecially.Yep.Taeyeon.Theyhaventdebuted,yetthegirlalreadyhasatroopof
sasaengsfollowingher.Theresaslighttingeofenvyinherheartbutshesmilesatthethought.
Taeyeon will be very famous one day. And so she diverts whatever feelings she has to
someone else but continues to be friends with Taeyeon. A kind, thoughtful, clingy friend to
Taeyeon.Lovingherincompletesilence.

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Monthslater,routinesflowsmoothly,thegirlshadadjustedtoeachother,theroomisfilledwith
laughterandchitchat,Yuriisdoingsomethingstupidandfunny,minuteslater,Yoonajoinsin
andtheyalllaughatthetwosomessillyantics.Sooyeonlaughs,justalittle,childishthingslike
thisdontusuallyamuseher,especiallycomingfromAmerica,thisisntwhathumoris,itsjust
plain stupidity, but she laughs anyway because the other girls laugh and she glances at
TaeyeonsittingbesideYejin,shechewsonherlipforamomentandthenlooksaway,laughing
oratleastpretendingtolaugh.

TaeyeonbecomesclosetoYejin,theyoungesttrainee.Theybecometooclose,dangerously
close.Theothergirlswereabitthrownoffbuttheirmindsetsarentfrommedievalages,they
hadlearnedthatthingslikethatarenormalandithappensdespitetheveryhighpercentageof
homophobiainKorea.TheycoverupforTaeyeonandYejin.

Sooyeonbecomesalittlegrouchierandsilentthanusual.

Themomentstretcheson.

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Chapter3
Backthenpt.2

ItwasjustanothertiresomedayasTaeyeonheadsbacktothedorm.Sheimaginesherself
twisting the doorknob, the door opens, she sees herself flopping down on the bed, sweaty
clothesstillon,shebreathesinthescentofthenewlylaunderedbedsheetsanddriftsoffintoa
mildnap,tootiredtoevencompletelytakehersneakersoffsoshesleepswithashoeon.

Buttohersurprise,shewasntalone.Therewasagirlinsideherroom,backfacingher;she
studiesthegirlwhowasinnocentlyandunintentionallysnoopingaroundTaeyeonsdesk.She
wantedtoalertthegirl,whowasprobablyanewtrainee,ofherpresencebutlikemostdays,
shewastootiredtodoanythingelseafterpractice.Shesighedheavily,causingherbagpackto
slipoffhershouldersandfallonthefloorwithaloudthud.

ThegirljerksbackfromlookingatTaeyeonsbelongingsandturnsaround.
Theystareateachother.

Taeyeons eyebrowswereblatantlyimpassiveanddismal;theinitial shockofhaving anew

roommateotherthanSunkyuhadsankinherconsciousness.Ontheotherhand,thenewgirl
was fidgeting with her hands and feet, lip drawn tight and eyebrows somewhat raised with
worry,afeatureTaeyeonfoundstrangelyadorable.Shesetthethoughtaside.

Im sosorry, I was just looking around, I didnt mean to snoop the girl explained in
unbelievablysmoothEnglish.

Taeyeonseyeswidenedforabit,disbelievingwhatshejustheard.Shehateditinschooland
nowthisgirlshesabouttosharearoomwithspeaksitsofluentlyitmakesherearsfalloff.

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English

Fuck.Shethought

SheexhaledandwithwhatmeagerEnglishskillsshehas,managedtosayacrookedItsokay,
somehow understanding what the girl was implying with the way she gestured her hands,
pointingitatTaeyeonsthings,doingaswift doublewavewithherhandsandaheadshake.
Taeyeon proceeded to her bed; the girl retreated back to her side of the room, looking at
Taeyeon,expectantbutcautious.

***
Itwasntaneasythinganyfifteenyearoldcoulddo,toriskeverythingtangibleyouhaveand
flee to another country which language you dont even know how to speak. Then again,
Stephanieisntanaveragefifteenyearold.Stephanieisdifferent,shedreamed,aimedhighand
whenfategaveheranopportunity,withnohesitation,shegrabbeditwithhasteevenifthat
meantpleadingandbickeringwithherfather,convincinghimtoallowhertogo.Itreallywasnt
easy,shesfifteenandimpulsiveandimpatient,shewantsitnow.

Butofcoursewhatkindofparentisheifheallowedhisyoungesttogoforthinthatkindof
dangerous journey? Its not even that Stephanie cant speak Hangeul properly, what about
schoolandeducation,Stephanieshouldtakeupbusinessincollegeorlaw,heknowsverywell
thathisdaughterwantedtobealawyer,hedgladlyagreewiththat.Butthis?

What?Anidol?Whatnonsense.Whatwouldshebecomeafterbeinganidol?Retrogradeinto
somemediocreofficeworker?Impossible.WhycantStephaniejustfollowhersistersfootsteps
intobusiness?EvenLeosintobusiness.HeblamedhimselfforspoilingStephanietoomuch,
whatcanhedo?Thegirlwashisyoungestandthegirllosthermotheratthetenderageof
eleven.

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HestillremembersthedayStephaniecamehomebeamingandsoecstaticitmadeeveryonein
the household feel oddly fizzy because of her wide smile and her eyes that smile along
wheneverStephaniesmiles.Atdinner,Stephaniemunchesonsteakandmashedpotatowhile
constantlytellingstoriesofherauditionspreeandhowshewonfirstplaceandhowshewanted
tobecomethenextBoAandhowcrediblethecompanyis,havingproducedsomanypopular
artists.

Iwillworkveryhardandbefamous!!!sheroarsafterfinishingaglassofjuice.Michellelooks
athersisterendearingly,thentotheirfatherssuddenlysternexpression,shelooksdownand
continuestoeat.

Miyoungie,dontforgetoppawhenyoubecomepopular,okay?Leosays,smilingthatsame
smile,encouraginghersister.

Getmyautographnowwhileyoustillcan,OppaStephaniejokes.Leolaughsalong,onlytobe
interruptedbytheirfatherclearinghisthroatandgivingLeoameaningfullookasiftosaydo
nottolerateherfurther

Miyoung!Stoptalkingandfinishyourmeal.Theirfatherbarks,leavingtheairwithlingering
authority.Stephanienoddedandeveryoneatewithoutanotherword.

He also couldnt forget the three whole days Stephanie acted as if he didnt exist after he
opposedherdecisiontocontinuetraininginKorea.InthosethreedaysStephaniedidntspeak
noracknowledgedhim,shejustcoopedherselfupinherroomlisteningtoKoreanpopmusicon
fullvolumeandwatchingmusicvideosonherlaptop. Shellonlyevergetoutforbathroom
breaksandinmealtimes,shedgetaminisculeservingandeatupstairs.

Ah,womenandtheirsilenttreatment.Itnevergetsoldinanygivensituation,hethought.

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ItwasapleasantmorningattheHwangshouseholdasMr.Hwangheadsforthedoortocollect
thedailypaperwhenhesawanenvelopeaddressedtoherdaughterStephanie.Forthelongest
time,hepondered,thecoffeehewasholdinghadgonecold.Heemittedadeepandloudsigh
before climbing the stairs whilst scratching his head using one of the pointed tips of the
envelope.

Thiscameintodayhesaid,leaningagainstStephaniesdoorframe.

Thegirldidntmove,shehadherbackturnedtohim.

Itwasfromthatcompanyyouauditionedfor:herattledoff,eyesnarrowingonthewhite
envelope as he read the company name with difficulty. He had forgotten his spectacles
downstairs.

JustbymentioningthataletterhadcomeinforhermadeStephanieflinch,Ithadbeenfour
daysandtheyreprobablywaitingforherconfirmation.Shewantedtocryandlashoutather
father,HecouldvejustthrownitawaysincehesnotallowingStephanietogoanyway,sowhy
musthegointhereandmakeitseemlikeaslapontheface.

Itsover,mydream,ithasntevenstartedyetbutitsalreadyover.Shethought.

Theyllgivethatopportunitytosomeoneelse,probablytothesecondrunnerupwhosename
Stephaniedidntbotherrememberingbecauseatthatmoment,shewaslivingthedream.She
wonandstaffafterstaffkeptinterviewingherforrecruitmentandthingsheryoungmindcouldnt
comprehend,butthefocalpointwasshesgoingtoattendthetrainingproperinKoreaunderthe
companyandhopefullydebutasanidol,theytoldhernottoworryaboutschoolingbecause
theresaforeigneducationalinstitutionforherandthecompanywouldcoverallthefeesandthe
onlythingsshellhavetofocusonisworkhardandtrytomakeitbig.

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4

Herdreamwassocloseyetsofar.Quickwaste.

Sheshifted;anaudiblesnifflewasheardwithinthefourcornersofherroom.

ThreeconditionsMr.Hwangsighedindefeat.

Stephaniessobsstoppedabruptlyandherheartskippedabeat.Suddenly,hereyeswentbig,
Isshereallyhearingwhatsheshearing?

You have to call, as often as you can he started. Stephanie bit back a smile, listening
attentivelyknowingshehadcompletelywonhimover.

Whenevertheresfreetime,orifthereisnt,Idontcare,youhavetomakeaway.Always,
alwayscall.Second,schooling.Iwantyoutostudyhardandgetgoodgradeseventhough
youre training. In that way, if ever you dont make it in the industry at least youve got
somewhereelsetogo.Lastly,Influences.IknowchildrenandteenagersinKoreaareharmless
compared with the ones here in America. Choose your friends wisely, I dont want to hear
anythingabout youbeinginvolved infights,drugs,anythingillegal and donottalktoboys,
Miyoung,Iamtellingyou,ifyouregoingtohaveaboyfriend,youshouldbeatleast25years
oldandalreadyaccomplishedsomethinginlife,plus,Ihavetomeetthatperson.Hescoffed.

Stephaniessmilecantbecontained,shehadhervictoryandshewasrejoicinginside.Yes,
yes,yes,yes,yes,yes,yes!IamgoingtoKorea!IamgoingtoKorea!Shesingsongedinside
hermind,toescurlinginanticipationundertheblanket.

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4

Ifyoueverbreakoneofthoseconditions,GodforgivebutIwilldragyoubackhereinDiamond
Bar.Hefinished,noddinghisnowachinghead.Heturnedawaytogetbacktohisbreakfast
downstairswhenarmstinierthanhiswrappedaroundhisabdomen.

ThankyouDaddy!!!Thankyou!!!IpromiseIwillfollowallofthoseStephaniesaidwithher
usualexcitableloudvoice.Heknewshewassmilingtonoendevenifhecouldntseeit.He
placedhishandonherdaughtersarms,rubbingthemlovingly.

Alright,alright,gopackyourbagsyoullbeleavingthenextday

Stephaniedashedbacktoherroom.

Imgonnabeastaaar!!!Imgonnabeastaar!!Yeah!!Stephaniesvoicewasloudenough;the
wordscanbeheardseveralblocksaway.Andforthefirsttimeever,herfathersmiledatthe
thought.

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4

Chapter4
Backthenpt.3

SomethinginsideTaeyeonfeltlighterwhenitdawneduponherthattheyreonthesameage,
shetrashedtheideaofevercallingtheothergirlunnie,althoughshesveryclosetodoingit
momentsago.

ItsamysteryhowtheywereabletocommunicategivenStephaniesHangeulissohorrible,its
funny.Butsomehow,theymadeitwork,withTaeyeonrelentlesslytutoringherwhilegetting
Englishtidbitsforherselfalongtheway.

Ohthisisgoingtobealongone,Taeyeonthought.Theygraduallygrewcloserasthedays
wentby,maybeitsbecausetheyrebothveryfarfromhomecomparedtotheothergirlswho
cantravelbackandforthfromthecompanytotheirhousesatanygiventimetheywished.

They automatically relied on each other, tied each others promises of sticking together no
matterwhathappens,andontheprocess,unconsciouslybindingtheiryoungheartsaswell.
Theybecameinstantparents,instantsisters,andinstantbestfriends.Lookingoutandtaking
careofeachother.EspeciallyTaeyeon,shehadthisfeelingofinnateresponsibilitywhenit
comestoStephanie,likeshemustcheckonherfromtimetotime,makesurethatshedoesnt
getintoanytroubleandwhatnot.

Itmayrootfromthembeingroommates,theiryoungandnaveselvesunawareofhowthey
baredthemselvestoeachotherinaheartbeatandthelargecontrastofthattotherealityofthe
industrythattheysetfootinto.

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4

Taeyeonsmostlytheworriedone,alwaysdisquietedaboutStephanieslackofknowledgein
Koreanculturewhichoftenendsupwiththegirlaccidentallyoffendingothers.Shecarriesthat
constantworryeveryday,togetherwiththestressandpressureofbeingatrainee,doingyour
best, schooling and homesickness. But when she comes home to the dorm and hears
StephaniescomicalattemptofgreetingherinHangeulinthatusualboomingvoice,theloadof
burdenlightens,andwhenStephaniesmilesthatstupidlycharmingsmileofhers,thecornerof
Taeyeonsmouthtwitchesandshestopsforamoment,clandestinelyinhalessharply,feelsher
toescoilinsidehersneakers.

She wonders whats happening to her, all those unusual and unnecessary antics she does
whenevertheothergirlisaroundbutshepushesthethoughtasideandarguesthatStephanies
eyesmileisjustoneofakindandthatalltheherculeantormentsoflivingeverydayinthat
settingissomehowbearable,whenshecomeshometothis...

Shedefinitelythinksitsmanageable.

ShehadfriendsinJeonju,itsnotmuch,neitherisitmeasly.Buttheconnectiontheyhadhad
neverfeltthisdeepandinexplicableunlikewhatshehaswithStephanieandtothinkthatthey
justmetafewmonthsago.Shefindsherselfstudyingtheothergirlsometimes,mostofthe
time,just staringather,looking, notreallyjealous ofherappearanceorwhatever,shejust
wantstogazeatherfornoapparentreason,whichshethoughtwasweirdbutwentwithit
anyway.

Stephanieslongbrownhairlinedwithtingesofblondenearthetips,roundandslightlychunky
cheeks,amazinglypointednoseandhereyes,thoseeyesarereallysomethingelse.Those
eyesarebeyonddoubtcreatedbyGodorsomedivinepowerTaeyeondoesntusuallybelieve
in.

ShethinksthatStephanieispretty.

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4

Thenagain,Stephaniereallyispretty.

Themanagementhadannouncedthattheyllbedebutingsoon,Stephanienowincludedinthe
group.Taeyeonseyeswidened,feelingsilentfireworksburstandpopinsideofher.Stephanie
hugshertight,theirbodiespressedtogethersohardtheresnospaceforairleft.Stephaniehas
herarmsaroundTaeyeonsneck.

Taeyeonsheartdiesalittleandherbrainstartsbuzzing,stopsfunctioning.Shefeelsstupid,
immobileandunabletoputherarmsaroundStephanieslithewaist,fearingthetinysparksof
voltagethatwouldelectrocuteherfromtoptotoe.

Butshethinksitsanicewayofbeingelectrocuted,itfeelsnice,giddyeven.Shedoesntknow
whattocallitsoleavesitlikethat.

Theroomwasloudwithcheeringbutshecouldonlyhearmuffledvoicesandherownheartbeat
poundinglikeabassdrum,ringingandechoinginherred,hotearsasStephaniecontinuesto
embraceher,givesonelastsqueezebeforepeelingoffofhertominglewiththeothersand
takingTaeyeonsbreathalongwithher.

It was a long day with great news, though tired like most days, today, they were hopeful,
somehowfeelingthatalltheireffortsarestartingtopayoff.

Allcleansedandreadytocallitaday,Taeyeon,withmuchdelight,moansinwardlywhenher
sore back hits the soft mattress, usually shed assess herself before closing her eyes and
slumbering,thinksofhowherdaywent,thechoicesshemade,dilemmasandtheprosand
consofit,alongwiththeothereightgirlswhomanagedtoslowlyyetstealthilycreeptheirway
intoherheart,justthinkofthemuntilsheunconsciouslyfallsasleep,butrightnowshecould
closehereyesandimmediatelydriftofftodreamland.

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4

Thatwastheinitialplan.

Untilrustlingofsheetswereheardandshefeltherbeddip,awarmbodynexttoher,seesa
blurredbeautifulfacefromherperipheral,feelseyesonher.

Sheliestheremotionlesslikeacorpse,completewiththecoldhandsandfeet.

Thegirlsraspyvoicecroaksinthehollownessoftheirroom.

Taetae

ShellnevergettiredofthatlittlemonikerStephaniehadgivenher,usuallyshehatesbeing
calledsuchnames,butthisoneshardtoresist.

Shemusteredupallthecouragesheneededbeforestirringtofacetheothergirl.

Hm?

Imscared

Youshouldstopwatchinghorrormovies,yourejustscaringyourself,fanyah.

Itranginherheadinaloop.Fanyah

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4

BreathrunninglownowasStephanieinchescloser.TaeyeonfeelsStephaniesbreathfanning
hercheeks,whicharenowprobablyflushedandflustered.Thankgoodness,itsdiminthere.

Imscaredofmydream

What?Why?

Becauseitsabouttocometrue

Shouldntyoubehappy?

IambutImean,whatifIfail?WhatifImnotgoodenough,mostofthepeopledontlikeme
youknow,theyfindmeimpolite

Taeyeonfeltherheartconstrictuponhearingthewords,shescootedcloser,facesweremere
inchesaway.

Youll do fine, just be yourself; you wont go as far as where you are now if you arent
somethingfany,dontworryaboutwhatotherswillsay,everyonetalkssoletthem,aslongas
youknowyouredoingthebestyoucan,thenyouwontfailyourself.Youcandothis,wecan
dothis.Shesmiledather.

Stephanie exhales thoroughly, her worried eyebrows now softened, her eyes, naked and
soulful,boringintoTaeyeonsdilatedorbs.

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4

Shesmilesather.

HowdoyouknowwhentosaytherightwordsTaetae?sheasksandcapturesTaeyeons
hand, slowly locks their fingers in a loose entanglement, Taeyeons breath hitches and her
throat feels clogged, Stephanies hand is warm. She swallows down an invisible lump and
staresatthegirlyetagain.

Trust me fany, I have no idea either she whispers but notices Stephanies chest heaving
rhythmically,indicatingthatthegirlhadalreadyfallenasleep.

Taeyeonlooksatherforthelongesttime,triestosolvethepuzzlebutfails,shutshereyesand
forces herself to sleep but to no avail. Stephanie looks so peaceful when sleeping, she
comments.Shelooksattheirjoinedhandsandthentotheslumberinggirlsfaceandforgetsthe
dailytorments,upcomingeventsandmorerigoroustraining,sheforgetsaboutthegirlSooyeon
andYejin.

Forgetseverythingelse.

13
4

Chapter5
CatchingUpwithanOldFriend

Thenightbreezehasthatextrafeelofchill,makinghershruginvoluntarilylikeshe'sanxious
aboutsomethingwhichwouldbeunusualbecauseshe'sjustatasmallgatheringwithherlong
timefriendsthatshehasn'tseenforagesandhadmissedohsodearly.

It'squiteamazing,shethinks,tohavethiskindofbondwithpeople,tospendmostofyour
teenageyearswiththemandgrowuptogether,graduallytransformingfrompimplyrunofthe
millteensintogorgeouswomentheworldhasitseyesonandyetfeellikeyou'reeighteenyear
oldshavingaslumberparty,talkingabouthotpeople,nailpolishandplanningmischief.

Shesighs,ahappyone,asshelooksatthemfromoutside,armscrossed,placidlyswayinga
winefluteononehand.

"Somarriagehuh?"agirlbesidehersurmised,faceimpeccablyflawlessalthoughmostofthe
timeshelookslethargicandstoic.

Tiffanynodsaway.

"That'sonehellofaplottwist"thegirlsaid,eyebrowscreasedandeyesunmoving,butthere'sa
glintofsomethingtenderfromthewayshelookedatthegirl.

"Didyougetthatdigfromabookorsomewhereelse?"Tiffanyquipped,aimingfacetiousness.

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4

"Theinternet"thegirlrepliedmatteroffactly.

Tiffanychuckled,"SoIgotmarriedandyouretechieJessieallofasudden?"

Jessicarolledhereyesandsmiled."Youcouldsaythat",shequips,leansherbackagainstthe
balcony'srailingsandcrossesherfeet.SheglancesatTiffany,asifwaitingforthelattertosay
something,butnoticesthegirlzoningout,staringatnothing.Jessica'sgazediverteddowncast.

Acomfortablesilenceengulfedthemforseveralblissfulmoments.Faroffvoices,laughter,and
chattersfromthepeopleinsidehanginthestillairalongwiththefaintmelodyofsomepopsong
oftoday'sera.

"Areyousureabouthim?"Jessicaasksoutofnowhere,concernpaintedalloverherfairface.

Tiffanysighsheavily.Everyone'sbeendoingthat,askingherstuffsaboutthetwoofthemanda
certainperson,andshefeelsdistressed,shefeelsbeingaskedoneplusoneandheransweris
three.

"Willyoubeokaylater?Iheardshe'scomingtonight"

"Whywouldn'tIbe?"Sheanswers,feigningintegrity,givingJessicaahoaxsmile.

"OhcomeonTiff,whatdoyoutakemefor?YouseriouslythinkI'dfallforthat?

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4

Tiffanylooksatherwithdespondenteyesseeminglyreadytobreakdownatgivenanymoment.
Herstrongwallscamecrashingdowninaninstant.She'sbeenstrugglingforfartoolong.

"ImissherJess,Imissheralot"shecroaks.

"Iknow,sowhy'dyoudoitthen?"

"I...Idon'tknow,honestly,everynight,I'vebeenaskingmyselfthesamequestion,it'snotlike
I'mregrettingitoranything,it'sjustthat..Idon'tknow,Idon'tknow"shestuttered,takinga
mouthfulofwine,facecontortingunpleasantlyafterwards.

Afterlivingwithsomeoneforthelongestperiodeverinyourlife,isiteasilypossibletosuddenly
detachyourselfandstartlivingonyourown?

Withanewpersonperhaps?

***

Jessicalooksatheremphatically.Shehadbeenthere,inTiffany'splace.

Beingyoungandconfused,youngandscared,youngandunsure.

13
4

Andnow,stillyoungbutregretful.

"Youshouldn'thavedonewhatIdid"sheutters.Tiffanynodsherheadslowly;eyesblankand
sighsfortheumpteenthtimethatday.

Theyallknowthewholegroupthatinthecourseoftheiradolescencetherehadbeenromantic
tensionsbetweenmembers,theythinkit'sprettynormal,fifteenorsixteenyearoldslivingwith
othersixteenyearoldsthatwereequallybeautifulandtalented,it'shardnottoadmiresomeof
them,andit'shardnottobeadmiredback.

Itspartofgrowingup,astheyjustifyit.

Identitycrisis.AmIstraight?AmIgay?DoIlikeboys?DoIlikegirls?Together,theyfiguredit
outalongsidesomeexperimentationthatthankfullyhasnovideoswhatsoever,causeifthereis,
then the fandom would probably be going insane by now and their fans would be killing
themselvesoutofsheerhappiness.

Whenthosepeopleseethemholdhandsorhugordoanykindofphysicalcontact,immediately,
smilesandsquealsandblogpostswouldappear.Butimagineiftheysawthethingstheydid
backthenwitheachother,alljawswoulddrop.SooyounghadhinteditbeforeonsomeTV
show,thatmembershaddonethingsfargreaterthanmediocrehugsandwhatnot.

Sowhileothershavesolvedtheirpuzzle,theremainderwaslefthanging.Eithertheywerestill
unsureorindenial,otherskeptmum,liketheirleader.Shedoesn'tvoiceoutherthoughtsmuch,
shedoesn'twanttobeaburdenshesays,buttheotherscajoleher,Sunnyespecially.They
wanthertoopenuptothem,becausethey'vebecomeafamilyandisn'tthatwhatfamily'sall
about?

13
4

Thenightiscomingalive.29minuteshadpassedsinceTiffanysetfootintoSunny'snewabode.
Jessicaturnsaround,restsherelbowsonthebalconyrailings,claspsherhandstogetherand
blowshotbreathontoitbeforestaringintoSeoul'snighttraffic.

"Howhasshebeen?"Tiffanyasks,lookingatJessica.

"The usual, grumpy old lady, she immersed herself into music like alwaysand did weird,
harmless things after your wedding. But I can say that she's better now, I think..." Jessica
answers,asmallsmiledecoratedherthinlipstickcladlips.

"Really?That'sgoodtohear"

"I'mabitworriedlaterthough,whenshecomes"

"Why?Doesn'tsheknowthatIarrivedinSeoultoday?"

"Ithinksheknows,andthat'swhyI'mworried,Idon'tknowwhattoexpect."

Tiffanyfeelssomethingbittergnawherinsides;shedecidestodivertthetopic.

"Sotellmeaboutyourself,whatnaughtythingshaveyoubeendoingwhileIwasawayhuh?"
Tiffanyinquiresasecondlater,bitingbackafloozysnort.

13
4

"PuhleaseHwang,youknowI'mverymuchwellbehaved"shescoffs,shootingTiffanyaplayful
smirk.

"Wellbehavedmyass"shespatsbackandsnugglesclosertothegirl,loopsherarmsaround
Jessica's.Theystareatthedancingcitylightstogether.

"Youknow,IthinkthatevenifIpursuedherbackthen,allmyeffortswouldbeinvain"says
Jessica.

"Whatdoyoumean?"

"Iwassodesperatetobeinthe'rage'before,youknow,couplepairingsthefanslovesomuch"
shestarted.

Tiffanykeptquiet,scootedclosertoherfortheairisstartingtoloseitsmercy.ShefeelsJessica
shudder,shethenplacedherchinonthelatter'sshoulder.

"SoIdid,andIthoughtTaeyeonwouldbeperfectforme,Imeanwedolookcutetogether
right?Plus,wegowayback,wehadmutualunderstanding."

Tiffanylookedather,aneyebrowraisedandlipscurvedupwards.

"Ohdon'tbechildish!ImeanIjustthoughtmeandTaeyeon'spairingwouldbecute,soIwent
withitthinkingthatitwouldhelpthegroup'spopularityandIsomehowneededadistractionafter

13
4

breakingupwithDonghae.Afterthat,itwasYurisinceIkindasensedthatshewasscaredof
me,it'dbeeasy."

"Youmanipulativebitch"theothercommented.

Theylaugh.

"Butthen,IrealizedTaeyeon'sfragile,thatIsomehowmadeawrongmoveanditbrokeher,
shewasn'tusedtothis"JessicapointstoherselfandTiffany,pertainingtotheirbackgroundof
growingupintheStatesandbeingplayfulwhenitcomestomattersoftheheart.

"She was different after that, I can tell, she's too cautious, like she's walking on eggshells
around me, enclosing herself in a protective cocoon when I'm in the room, avoids any
interactionasfaraspossible.Thatwasbeforethough,andthatwastheworst,graduallyInotice
hertryingtoreachoutawkwardly,thatwasthetimeyouwereherroommate,littlebylittleandI
triedmybesttosalvagewhatever'sleftwithus,andIwasshockedthatitleftamarktometoo"

Sheswallowshard,feelsherheartthumpfaster.

Herthroathurtsforsomereason.

"ItwasinthelaterstagesofourdebutthatitdawnedonmethatIactuallylikeTaeyeon,Ilike
her,butwassoblindbeforetoactuallyseeit,mymindwasdisorientedandcloudedwithtonsof
otherstufformaybeIwasindenial,doesn'tmatteranymorethough.Andso,wheneverIsee
youguystogetherIalwaysthink'ohIcould'vehadthat,thatcouldhavebeenme'

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4

Iknowit'spettyandallthat,beingenviousandjealousofyoubutforsomestrangereason,Igot
usedtothefeeling,ofjustwatchingyouguys,thoughitsometimeshurt,okay,mostofthetime,
Ijust...youjusthavethatinnatechemistrythatevenI,thinkthatmaybe,justmaybe,Taeyeon
andIdidn'thappenbecauseyouareboundtohaveher."

Tiffany'sheartswelledwithfrankrevelry,theconfessionswereheartfelt,andshewasthankful
toJessicaforthat,butshecan'thelpbutfeelapangofguiltandpain,barrelingthroughher
beatingorgan,eatingherinsideout.

AtleastJessicawasheretolookafterherwhenIwasn'taround

"ThanksJessie,seriously"shebreathesoutshakilyandJessicathinksit'sbecauseofthecold;
Tiffanypushesbackthetearsthreateningtofall,silentlysecondmotioningeverythingsingle
thingJessicahadsaid.Tiffanysawthingsontheinternet,aboutherandherbestfriend,and
how Jessica would look so out of place, disappearing in the background, unable to have
somethingthatshe'swantedforsolong,orsomeonerather,Tiffanywasthankful,thatthey
wereallopenmindedandmaturetoacceptthesethings,tobeabletocomprehendandnot
holdgrudgesagainsteachother,soshewasreally,deeplygratefultoJessica.

"That'swhyit'sarealwaste,this,youguystogether.Apartofmeshouldfeelrelieforsomething
butIactuallywasheartbrokenforthetwoofyou,andIstillam,youaresuchaninconvenience."
sheshakesherhead,a'tch'washeardlater.

Ofcourse,Jessicameantthatgestureaffectionately.

"Iloveyoutoo"Tiffanysayslater.

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4

Herphonevibrates,turnsoutithasbeenvibratingforseveralminutesnowandshewasjust
toopreoccupiedtonoticeit,toonumb,shechecksthecalleridbutdoesnothing.

"Youshouldgetthat"

"Nah"

"He'sprobablyworried"

"HeknowswhereIam,heknowsImsafe"Tiffanyanswersback,faceunchangedanddowns
theremainingwineinherflute.Jessicadoesthesame.

"WhataboutYuri?"Tiffanyasksoutoftheblueandtotallyirrelevant.

"Ohmy,aren'tyouanosyone,gosh"

"Ihavetherighttoknow!"

"Itwas,Idon'tknow,Ithinksomething'swrongwithme,Idon'tknowwhatIwant,Yuri'slikeone
ofthebest,she'sdefinitelygirlfriendmaterial,plussheswings"

"Howaboutyou?Whichwaydoyouswing?"

13
4

"Ihavenoidea,stopinterrogatingmeaboutit,Yuri'shappynow,shehasunni,shetreatsher
well,andtheyloveeachother.Goodforthebothofthem"

"Ohyeah,theonewhogaveheracar?"

"Andmadeheractingcareerblossomtoo,soalliswell,exceptforyou,thatis"Jessicaretorted,
finallyavengingherselffromTiffany'snonstopinterrogationawhileago.

"Greatquip"theotheroneadmittedanditmadeJessicagrinsaucily.

"Whatthehellareyoutwodoinghereandwhythelongfaces?Noonediedandthepartyis
inside,you'remissingitout,getbackinherequick,Taeng'snear,shecalledme"Sunnyspoke,
hereyeswidenforamoment,realizingitonlyafterJessicagaveherastrangelook.

"Onsecondthought,Fany,takeyourtime"shesuppliedfurther.

"NoneedSunny,I'maokay,rightJessie?"thegirlsaidasshegavebothgirlsafakesmile
beforedraggingJessicabythearmandintothelivingroomthatwas boomingwithmusicas
SooyoungandYoonasanginaveryunladylikemannerwhileYuriandHyoyeondancedquirkily.
SeohyunwasadmiringSunkyu'sinteriordesignnearthekitchen.

Littledidsheknow,thetwogirlsbehindherlookedateachotherwithdisdain,pityreflectingon
theduo'spairofbrownorbs.

13
4

Chapter6
MusingsofaHopefulHeart

"Unni.."
Thegirlbelowmumblesandsquirms.
Softkisseslandonherneckjustbelowherearandthefeelingwasmarvelous.Sheheldherin
placeasthegirlabovestartstodeliciouslyyetslowlyrockherbodyagainsthers.
"Mhmm?"
"We...sshouldgo"asmuchasshewantedtocontinuethislittleendeavor,shehadtofightthe
feelingorelse,herbelovedwouldbechoppedintopiecesbytheirfriend.
"We'llbelateand...mhmm,andSunnyunniwill..hah.."wordsceasedasherlipswerecaptured
intoafiercekiss.
The younger girl pinned on the bed slipped her smooth hands inside Taeyeon's shirt and
wrappedthemaroundherbarewaist.
ThatmadeTaeyeonstopherministrations,anticipatingthestartofroundfour.
"Unni,stop"thegirlsaid,makingTaeyeonpoutalittle.
Shelaughedandkissedthoselipsonelasttime.
"Later,Ipromise"
Withasigh,Taeyeonreluctantlydetachedherselffromthegirl.
"Don'tsulk,please?"Taeyeonheard,ahandcirclingherwrist.
Shesmiledandgavetheyoungergirlapeck.
"Later"shemumbledintothekiss.

13
4

***

"Areyouready?Forget anything? Sayit nowandnot laterwhen we'refive minutesbefore

enteringaparty"Taeyeonsaystoher.
ThegirlgivesheradisapprovinglookandTaeyeonlaughsatherscowl.
Theirmeetingwasveryunexpected,randomifyoumay.Taeyeonjustlefttheentertainment
buildinganditwasalittleearlytogohomesosheoptedtocanvassfornewpastelsinanoldart
supplyshopsinceheroldone'salreadytatteredandhadgrownsoshortshecouldbarelyuseit,
whensuddenlyagirlcomesuptoherandstrikesaconversation.
Shewasoddlyfamiliar.
Timedoesthingstoone'sface.
She'sreallypretty;shesprettiertodaythanyesterday.
ButdefinitelynottheprettiestgirlTaeyeoneversaw,shehadseenthatperson.Shehadlived
withherandlovedhertothedeepestdepthsoftheocean,tothehighestportionoftheskythe
cloudscouldtouch,evendeeperthan6feetunder.
Shesetthethoughtaside.
Today,theworldhatesher,sheconcludes.Shewishedshewassick,orinjuredoranythingthat
wouldsufficeasaplausibleexcusenottogotoSunkyu'sstupidhousewarmingparty.
Shewouldhappilygothough,knowingthatshe'dseeherfriendsturnedsistersagain,theyused
to have gatherings every now and then when everyone's schedule is flawless, but tonight,
there'sanaddition.

Anadditionwhichsubtractedalotofthingsfromher.
Anadditionshe'snotsureifshe'sreadytosee.

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4

Thewoundisn'tfreshanymorebutit'sstillthere,healingeversoslowly,muchtoherdismay,
andwillprobablyleaveherascarasaconstantreminderofsomeoneshewantedsobadlyyet
cannotattain.
Whataloadofbull,shethought.
Sunkyucalledherdaysagoofthesaidpartybutwarnedherthat'she'willfinallybebackin
town.Justthenamegiveshercombustionchillsclobberingherspinesandsendinganauseous,
droningsoundtoherbrain.

Tiffany

Afterallthemiseryshe'sbeenthrough,thenamestillringsbeautifullyinherears,echoesinher
brain,sometimesshethinks,ascheesyasitmayseem,thatherheartbeatsthenameitself.

Tiffany

Shescoffsatthethought.

"Hey,everythingokay?"Avoicereverberatedinsidehercar,breakingherreverie.
"Huh?Yeah,justthinking..."
"About?"thegirlpried.
Taeyeonbittheinsideofhercheek,grippedthewheelwithunnecessarypressureandtriedto
thinkofagoodslipasfastasshecan.
"Ofwhat...presentweshouldgivetoSunkyu"
"Hmm,goodquestion,doyouknowherfavoritebrandofwine?"
Taeyeonmentallyshookherhead,recollectingherself.Funny,howapersoncouldleaveher
quivering,bewilderedwithmuddledthoughts.

13
4

"Ohwait!Ithink...Ithinkweshouldgetherchampagneinstead!We'reinforsomecelebration
afterall,rightunni?"shebeamed.Thesameinnocent,roundeyesstaringbackather.
Shesmiledbackhalfheartedly,thefeelingwasratherlacking.
Shefeltsorryforthegirl;she'llneverhavetheentiretyofTaeyeon'sheart.
"Champagneitis"

***

TheywerenowapproachingSunkyu'sresidencehandinhand.Taeyeontriestopushawaythe
nervousness,anxiety,excitementandlongingbyholdingtheyounggirl'shandtighter.
Thegirlnoticesitbutkeepsittoherself,intheseeminglysoundproofandhollowconfinesofher
chest;sheheardherheartcrackalittle.ShegaveTaeyeonatightsmile.
"Yougivethistoher"Taeyeonpassesthechampagnebottletoher.
"Ohdarn!Weforgottowrapitunni!"
"Thatwon'tbenecessary"Taeyeonfrownsbutthegirlalreadyfledbacktothecar.
"Justaribbon,Iswearunni,yougoahead,I'llberightup"shesomewhatshouted.
"No.I'llwaitforyourighthere"

Taeyeon'sphonebeeped,displayingthenameoftheyounggirl.
"Don't be stubborn now unni, go, go. I'll be there in a jiffy"

Shehalfsmiled,halfscoffedatit,sheverymuchappreciatesthegirl'seffortinpleasingnotonly
her,butalsoherfriends.Shelookedatthegirlbeforesurrenderingherhandsupintheair.

13
4

Thetensionwasevidentlymakingthebothofthemuneasy,thoughneitheradmittedit.Butis
admissionstillneededwheneverything'salreadyopenandshut?
Itwasn'tbrandnewinformationthatTaeyeon'sheartalreadybelongedtosomeoneelsethat
wasn't,isn'tandwillneverbeher.ButshehadlovedTaeyeonbeforesohavinghernow,though
physically,isn'tthatbad,orsoshethought.
Maybetheycanhaveafreshstartthistime,giventheirhistory.It'sjustamatterofcatchingup
and being more expressive, bolder, more adventurous and that's what she does, keeping
Taeyeon distracted and silently hoping that the wholeness of Taeyeon's affection would be
redirectedbacktoher,justliketheolddays.
Itwasquitepeacefulbackthenwhenitwasjustthetwoofthem,whenshewastryingherbest
everydaytohelpTaeyeonovercomethemassiveheartbreakshewasin,sheeventhoughtfora
delusionalmomentthatwhentheylayinbedpantingandsweating,itwashernameTaeyeon
callsfor.
Andhereshethoughttheyhadcomealongway.
Shesmilesdrearily.
Turnsout,justasinglephonecallwouldbringhertorpedoingbacktosquareone.

***

"Heyunni"shesays,peckingTaeyeon'scheekwhilecradlinggrocerybagsinherarms.
Noresponse.
"Itwasfreezingcoldtoday"shesaysagain,stilloblivioustoTaeyeon'ssomewhatstunnedstate.
"Unni?"shecoos,dropsthegrocerybagsonthecountertopandsitsacrossTaeyeon,leans
forwardandcupshercheeks.

Taeyeonsnapsoutofit.

13
4

"Huh?What?SorryIwas..."
"Shh,it'sokay...shepurrs,leansfurtherandkissesapairoffrozenlips.

Lipsthatimmediatelypulledback.
Nowshe'sworried

HerhandsmotionedforTaeyeon's,givingitafirmhold.
"Everythingalright?"
Ittookafewsecondsfortheothergirltorespond.
"Yyeah,Sunkyujustcalled..."
"Really?Whatdidshesay?"sheaskedwithasmile.

"...Tiffany'sbackinSeoul"

Herfacefell

"Oh"

13
4

Chapter7
Sheneverthoughtpartiesweresocumbersome

Herpalmsweresweaty.
Verysweaty.

The animated surroundings seemed mute to her ears as she could only hear the frantic
thrummingofherheartinsynchwiththemildyetgrowingthrobinherhead.Shehuffedforthe
umpteenthtimethatnight,asifhuffingwouldlessenthenervousnessbrimminginsideofher.
Shecouldfeelaheadacheabouttokickin.
Shethinksofpossiblewaystoescapethisstickysituation.WhenSunkyutoldherthatTiffany's
backintown,shegrewrestless,inheridletimes,it'sallshecouldthinkabout.What'sthe
properwayofgreetingheragain?ShouldwehugorjustgiveasmallnodormaybeIshouldjust
burymyselfalive,shethinksasshepressesacertainbuttonontheelevatorandhopesthatthe
othergirlleftbehindwouldmovefastersoshewon'thavetofaceitalone.

Coward.Shesaystoherselfbutquicklytakesitback.
No,Imnotthecowardone.It'syou.

Eachstepseemedheavy,asifshe'swalkingwithmetalweightsclaspedonherankles.Itwas
likeadeathsentence,thedoomeddestinationiswhereshewilldie.
Twoyears.
Twolongyearsofmiseryandheresheis,abouttoseethecauseofallthose.Itwasoneofthe
mostnervewrackingsituationsshe'sbeenin,shehadbarelymadeitaliveaftertheinfamous
ditch,sheactuallythoughtit'dbepossibletodieofexcessiveheartache.

13
4

Theywereonconstantwatchbythepublic,theirfansespecially.SheandTiffanywerepretty
famousandagoodportionoftheirfansalreadydeemedthattheyhavebeendatingforyears,
althoughthatwassomehowtrue.
She had analyzed it long before, when she was still in the stages of questioning her own
feelingsandtryingtodecodeTiffany's.Lookingback,sheherself,wouldfinditskeptical.
ThethingsshehaddonewithTiffany.
Maybetheotherpeoplewerewrongaboutcallingtheircouplepairingfansdelusional.Because
shethoughtthatsheherself,seriouslydoesn'tknowhowshecouldlookatthetwoofthemand
theirinteractionsandsaythey'rejustbestfriends.Imean,constantlystealingglancesatyour
bestfriendandblushingwhentheynoticeisn'texactlythebehaviorofsomeonewhothinksof
theirbestfriendasjustafriend.
Right?

Nottomentiontheneverendingstaredown,likethey'reseeingrightthrougheachother'ssoul,
thesubtlehandgestureswheneverthey'restandingnexttoeachotherorevensitting,their
bodieswouldalwaysautomaticallyfindawaytolinkthebothofthem.
Likemagnets.
Andneitherfounditawkward.It'ssecondnaturetothem,likedrinkingwaterwhenyou'rethirsty
orsleepingwhenyou'retired.Theyhadbuiltaninvisiblebubblearoundthemselvessopowerful
thatwhensomeonestepsin,thebubblewouldn'tpopandthatpersonwouldonlygounnoticed.
Maybeit'stheirbondlongago.WhenTiffanywasstill15andshe'salso15,bothfarawayfrom
home,disorientedteenagerstryingtojugglechasingtheirdreamsandschoolingandallthe
otherstuffsgoingonintheirhecticlives.

Theirbondwastheirsafehaven.
Itistheirsafetynet,asourceofrelaxation.
Abreathoffreshair.
Forthem,beingwitheachotherfeelslikecominghome.

13
4

***

Itwassometimein2010thattheirfriendship/relationshiporwhattheymaycallit,ifeverthey
labeledit,hadblurred.Anotheridol,amaleone,wasrumoredtohavesethiseyesonTiffany.
Taeyeonthoughtlongandhardaboutthat,iftherereallyissomethingmore,Tiffanyisquitethe
socialbutterflyofthegroupsoitmaybejustbegenuinefriendshipsincethatidolhasbeen
trainingwiththemfromthestart,withadifferentcompanythough.
Allherspeculationscrumbleddownandshewasleftwithabittertasteinhermouthwhenone
night,inthedarknessofherroom,afigurecreptinandsnakeditsarmsaroundherwaist.
Thewarmthwasfamiliar.Shesmiled.

"Tae..."
"Hmm?"
"DidIwakeyou?"
Taeyeonchuckled.
"Obviously"ShefacedTiffany,stillwithasmileonherface,andwasmetwithaconcernedpair
oforbs.
"Sorry"theotheronemumbled.
"Nobig,can'tsleepanyway,justtossingandturning"
"Somethingwrong?"Taeyeonhuggedback,armswrappedlooselyaroundTiffany'storso.She
heardadeepinhale.

"Youknowmeand..."

Taeyeonkeptmum,waitingfortheothergirltocontinuebutminuteslaterfoundthesilenceless
bearable.

13
4

"Youand..?Youandwho?Jessi?Whatdidshedothistime?"
"No,no,no.Itisn'taboutJessioranyofthegirls..."
"Thenwho?Manageroppa?"
Tiffany shook her head; something tells Taeyeon that this is a serious matter. She braced
herselfforwhateverthatis,andhopedthatitisn'twhatshewasthinking.

"Him"

Theworddidn'tregisteratfirst.Ittookherahandfulofminutestofinallyprocesswhothetopic
oftheirrandomconversationwas.Althoughshehadanticipatedthis,thatTiffanywouldclear
thistoher,butfromthelooksofit,it'smoreofaconfession.
Herheartthumpeddeeply.
"IthinkI...IthinkIwanttotrythiswithhim"Tiffanyfinallysaid,morelikeexhaled.Likeathick
thornwasfinallyremovedfromherthroat.
That samethorninstantlypuncturedTaeyeon intheheart.Sheimmediatelytoreherhands
awayfromher.
"Hey,hey..."Tiffanycooed,grabbingTaeyeon'sarmsbackandplacingthemonherwaistand
heldthemtight,Taeyeoncouldn'tlookatheranymore.
Herfaceturnedserious,eyeseversoattentive,tryingtostudytheothergirl'sreaction.
Toobadtheroomwastoodark.
Shepanicked.
"Hey,Taeyeonah,lookatmeplease...
"Whyareyousayingthistome?"Taeyeon'svoiceresonatedintheroom.Itwassobeautiful,
butitwassobrokenatthesametime.

13
4

"This?Ijust,Idon'twantyoutogetshocked,andofcourseyouhavetoknow,you'remybest
friend,silly"shesaid,attemptingtolightenthemood.
Ofcourseitwouldn'tworkthough.
"Okay,Igetit,thanksfortellingme,youcangonow"Taeyeonsaid,robotically,eyesfocused
anywherebutTiffany,hereyesarestartingtosting.Sheclosedthem.
"Nothing'sgoingtochange,Ipromise.I'llstillbehereforyou,I'llnevergo,Ijustwanttoyou
know,toclearmyhead"
"Clear your head of what exactly?" Taeyeon snapped, seemingly empowered and now
brimmingwithdetermination.IfTiffany'sashamedtotellittoothersthensheshouldatleasttell
itstraighttoTaeyeon'sface,it'snotliketheybothdidn'tknowwhatwasgoingonthewhole
time,theyknow,theycanfeelit,theycanseeitreflectingfromeachother'seyes.
Taeyeon'snotgoodwithvoicingoutheremotionsandTiffanywasn'tonetopry,especiallyto
Taeyeon. She's always so patient with Taeyeon's timidity and reserved demeanor. Always
carefularoundher,Taeyeonmeansalot,shelovesheralot.Butthiswholeuntoldfeelingof
whatsoeveriskillingher.
Shewantedsomethingtangible.
Shecan'tdateamember,canshe?Imean,whatwouldKoreathink?
Twomembersofthecountry'snationalgirlgroupdatingeachother?
Whatwouldtheirfansthink?Tointernationalfans,it'dbeadreamcometruebutwhataboutthe
others?
Thelittlegirlsandteenagegirls?They'resupposedtobeadmiredandlookedupto,that'swhat
idolsareandnotabadinfluence.
Whatifthecompanyterminatestheircontract?She'llonlybreakherandTaeyeon'sfuture.And
besides,she'snotsosureofherself.Ifthisfeelingshehaswasforthelongrunoritcanbejust
aspurofthemomentorjustdeepadmiration.
Shedoesn'tknowandshedoesn'twanttoknow,atleastfornow.ShecouldstillhaveTaeyeon
aroundandhavehimatthesametime.Sothere'snoproblemright?

13
4

That'swhatshethought.

Butafterthatnight,itwasneverthesame,andsheknew,there'ssomethinginsideTaeyeon
shehadbroken.
"I'mtired,Iwanttosleep"wasallTaeyeonsaid,endingtheirconversation.
"Taeyeonah,pleasedon'tdothis,pleasedon't"

Noanswer

Bothofthemhardlygotanysleepthatnightandthenextmorning,shefeltallguiltrushin.
Taeyeon'snosewasabitredandshewaswearingwayfarers,thegirlwentoutwithSunny
somewhere.

WhileSunnymadeithomearound10pm,theotheronedidn't.
Tiffanywaiteduntil2inthemorningbeforegivingupandspendinganothersleeplessnight.

***
She hearda faint ding, and noticed that she had unconsciously pressed the doorbell while
zoningout.Shewantedtobuyherselftimebutshedidtheexactopposite.Shesilentlycursed
herself.
Itmadeherrealizehowaliveshewas,it'ssofunnyshewantedtolaugh.Aftereverythingthat
happened, shethought,asclichandemotionalasitmaysound,thatshewasnumbfrom
everything,thatshehadgonethroughsomuchherheart'susedtothefeeling,butitisn't.It
neverwillbe.
Tiffany'seffectonherisreallysomethingelse.

13
4

Shecouldfeelherselfboilingupwithmixedemotions.Anger,angst,joy,longing,nervousness,
happiness,andlovebeingthemostpowerful.Shecouldn'trelax,shefeelslikepeeingonthe
spot,burstingintoafirework,orsuddenlyditchingSunny'sridiculousparty.
Fromoutside,sheconfirmedthatthepartymustbeoutrageous.
Andwhenthedoorsopened,itindeedwas.
MusicwasblaringfromSunny'shighendstereos,asshewelcomedTaeyeonintoasnuggly
hugwhilemumblingsomethingthatsoundedlike'fellowmidget'and'gladyoucouldcome'
Taeyeonscowledatthegirl,herfacelitupwhenshesawYuriinthebackgroundabouttomake
amaddashtowardsher.
"Taengoo!"
ShewasbeingsmotheredbyYurifollowedbyYoonaandthenSooyoung.Shefeltsosmall
beingsurroundedbythreeginormousbuildingsandhatedit.
"Itoldyoutodrinkyourbinggrae!"
"Unni, howareyou?!Youheighthasn'tchangedonebit!ButIlikeyourhairthough,andit
smellsnicetoo"YoonacommentedandtookawhiffoffofTaeyeon'shead.
ButTaeyeonwashappy,shereallyis.Itbroughtherimmediatecomfort,justbeingwiththese
peoplesheconsideredfamily.
"Isthisyourwayofsayingyoumissme?"sheasked,fixingherhairalongwithherjacketthat
hadbecomeshabby,thankstothetrio'slubberlyhands.

Sunny'stouchandstaremadeherawareofthepreviousdilemmashe'sbeenthinking.
"Areyougoingtobefine?Doyouwantmetocomewithyou?"sheaskedher.

Taeyeonwentsilent,Sunkyuheldherhand.
Itwasshockinglycold.Thegirltightenedherhold.

13
4

"I'llbefineanddon'tbesilly,thisisyourhouse,youcandowhatyouwantto"
"Youknowexactlythatthat'snotwhatImeant"Sunkyuisn'tbuyinganyofheracts.
"Ihaveto,thiswillhappeneventuallysolet'sjustgetthisoverwithonceandforall"

Sunkyustudiedherforalongtime,beforelettinggo.

"Okay,she'satthebalcony"

Taeyeoncouldonlynod.

13
4

Chapter8
AndTheMuchAwaitedReunion(onlytobespoilt)

Shekeptshiveringunderneathherleatherjacketandcouldn'tcomprehendwhy,onceisnormal
becauseit'skindofchillyanyway. Twiceisunderstandablebecausesometimespeoplejust
shudderrandomly,andthriceissuspicious,theremustbesomethingwrongwithher.
Shekeptshivering.
Excitement.Thatmustbeit,shethought.She'sexcited,scared,anxious,nervous,andshe
feelsverystupidsurrenderingtothesefeelings.

Whatwouldshedoagain?
Giveherahug?It'llbefineifshedoesn'thugback.
Giveherafriendlycheektocheek?Whatifthegirlstepsback?
Okay,Ithinkthat'stooextremegiventhecircumstances.

"She'shere"

SoshouldIjustwhat?Standthereanddonothing?

"Tiffany"

Ohyeah,silly,ofcourseIdsmile,shealwayslikesitwhenIsmile.Okay,smile.Iwillsmile.

"Miyoung!"

13
4

"Huh?"

"Taeyeon.She'shere"Jessicasaid,lookingatthegirlandthenbacktoTiffany,hereyeswere
somewhatworried.
Tiffanyfeltherwholebodygocold,felttheurgetorun,feltgoosebumpsrisefromherskin.Felt
theadrenalinesurgeinlikeamadtidalwave,andshethoughtofhowTaeyeon'svoicesounds
likeagain,hearingitpersonallyorifTaeyeonchangedherhair,orherperfume.
ThefactthatTaeyeonwasactuallywithsomeonetonightofficiallyflewoutfromthewindowsof
hermind.
Itamazedherthatshecouldstillthinkstraightaswalkedforwardandopenedtheslidingdoor
andintothelivingroom,withJessicatailingherattentively.

JessicaandSunnyexchangedstares.

A circle of boisterous people gathered near the kitchen, none of them was seated, still
engrossedintocatchingupanddoingcrazystunts.

JuhyunhasherarmsaroundTaeyeon'sminuteshoulders,engulfingthelatterintoasidehug
whileYuriandYoonachattedinfrontofthemaboutsomeincidentthathappenedononeoftheir
dramaseries.
"Andhewaslikeflailinghisarmsaroundlikethis,Ohmy,itwassofunny!"Yoonademonstrated
andeveryonewasallsmiles,evenSooyoungandHyoyeonwhowerearguingasecondago
abouthowtoproperlyuseabreadknifemagicallyforgotabouttheirlittlequarrelandlaughed
alongwiththegroup.
Yoonadidadoubletakebeforesuspendingheractionsmidair,allheadsturnedtoacertain
directionandtheretheywere.

13
4

OrforTaeyeon,thereshewas;inherusualblindingglorythatmadehergocrazyjustbylooking
ather.
Herbreathhitchedandbyreflex,sheclutchedherhandstight.

She'sstillsobeautiful.

Taeyeonfeltherbodygonumb,likethousandsofneedlesarepokingittonoend.Shedoesn't
knowwhattodo,shesjuststaringather,andshe'sjuststaringback.
Thetensionwasthick;everyoneintheroomcanpossiblyfeelit.
Theawkwardness.
ItwasnotlongbeforeSooyoungclearedherthroatandproceededtochatalongwiththeothers
asifnothinghappened,butnotbeforegivingTiffanyameaningfullookanditremindedthelatter
oftheirheartwarmingconversationawhileago.
ItwasTiffanywhomadethefirstmove,walkingaheadtogreettheotherone.Afewstepshere
andthere,sheneverbroketheeyecontact.
Whenshereachedher,withjustalittlespacebetweenthem,shecouldfeelTaeyeontensing,
justlikeher.Butthelatter'sscentdidn'tgounnoticed.
Sometimes when people smell a specific fragrance, it reminds them of something that
happenedinthepast,likethey'rebeingteleportedbacktoit,backtothesameplacewiththe
samepersonwiththesameoldfeelings.

13
4

Tiffanywasfeelingnostalgic.

Taeyeonkeptfidgetingwithherhands,anobvioussignofbeinguneasy.Shewasplayingthe
hemofhershirtandstupidlywaiting,shewantedtobethefirstonewhotalkssoitwouldappear
thatshehadbeenwell,thatshehadmovedonfromherbuthervoicewaslost.

KimTaeyeonwasunabletousehervoice.

"Hi..."Tiffanyspoke,herhandsweresweatingandshewashavingahardtimekeepingher
voicestraight.
Taeyeonwantedtoclosehereyesandjustrevelatthesweetsoundofthatvoiceshehasn't
heardforyears.TheoldhoarseandraspybutohsobeautifulvoiceofTiffanyticklingherears.

Andstokedthegentleflameburninginsideherchest.

Tiffany was always assertive; she was always one step ahead of her when she wanted
somethingfromTaeyeon.AndbeforeTaeyeoncouldsnapbacktoreality,Tiffanywasagain
advancingtowardsher.
Ifshecouldonlyyankhercloserandhughertonoendrightnowthatwouldbesomuchbetter
butshe'ssostunnedbyTiffany'smerepresencethatshecouldn'tmove,andtheonlythingshe
was aware of was the terrible and loud beating of her heart and Tiffany's fragrance, how
Tiffany'shairfloweddownlikeariverofebonyalongthelengthofhershoulders,howTiffany's
dresslookedgorgeousonher,howredherlipswere,iftheywerestillsoftandmoistlikethelast
timeshehadkissedthem,andTiffany.Tiffany.EverythingaboutTiffany.
Herheadwasspinningfromthisoverwhelmingfeelingconsumingherinsideout,Tiffanyhad
thatsmileonherface,thatstupidsmileTaeyeoncouldn'thelpbutfallfor,thegirlwascoming
closerandcloser.Itwasmaddening,likesomediseaseshecaughtwhenshewasfifteenand
wasunabletohealfromthenon.
TiffanytoTaeyeonwaswithinarms'reachandTaeyeon'sarmswereready,soreadyforthe
longdueembrace,thesamewarmembracetheyusedtohave,thefeelingofherhandson

13
4

Tiffany'slithewaistandtheothergirl'sarmsaroundhershoulders,everythingwould'vewent
smoothlywhensuddenlythedoorbellrangandfromtheintercomafaceofabeautifulyounggirl
showed.
Sunnygallopedalonglikethekidsheisandinsteppedthelastguestforthatnight'sparty.
Tiffany froze and reluctantly retreated a few steps back, obviously disappointed somewhat
pissedoffasshewonderedwhocouldbethatpersonwhenallofthemarealreadypresent
insidethehouse.

ShewassoneartohuggingTaeyeon.

Sonear.

"Everyone,sorryImabitlate;weforgottowrapthisup.Unni,foryou"thegirlsaidandhanded
Sunkyuabottleofchampagne,avibrantsmilewasplasteredonherface.
EveryoneinsidetheroomdidachorusofHi'sandHello'swhentheyrecognizedwhothegirl
was.TheywereshockedbutnoneoftheirshockcouldcomparetoTiffany'sshock.

'We?'

ThegirlstoodbesideTaeyeonandwhatTiffanysawmadeherheartclench.
ThegirlheldTaeyeon'shandandslowly interlacedtheir fingers.Taeyeonsmiled at the girl
jovially.ThehappinesswassincereandTiffanysawthat,itmadeherfeelsomethingthatshe
didn'tlike.

13
4

TonightremindedTaeyeonofthosedrunkennightsshehad,notknowingwhetherthiswasall
trueorjustgameshermindinvents,andhavingtoexperiencethathopelessfeelingofbeingin
lovewithherbestfriendyethavingtostandbesidesomeonesheactuallycaresfor.
Itwasweirdbecausetonight,sheknowsshe'sonehundredpercentsober.

"Hiunni,it'sbeenalongtime,it'snicetoseeyouagain"Thegirlspokesincerely.
Lipscurvedintoasmile.

"Hhi,nicetoseeyoutoo,Yejinah"Tiffanyanswered,facesternandeyesfixedonTaeyeon.

13
4

Chapter9
BringingOntheHeat

Everything'smovingwaytoofastforTaeyeon.

Onesecondago,shewasneartohuggingTiffanyandthenasuddencommotionoccurredthen
herhandwastrappedbetweenYejin'spalmbeforeshegetspulledawayandintotheliving
room,hereyesdidn'tfailtoseeTiffany'sbefuddledexpression,herfacewasanabstractpiece
ofmultipleemotions.

Shock,puzzlement,wonder,andforasecondthere,Taeyeonswearshecouldshehurtinthose
eyes.

TiffanygavethematightsmilethenbitherlipwhenYejinturnedaroundanddraggedafrozen
Taeyeonintothelivingroom.Sheinhaledadeepone,closedhereyesandwenttothekitchen.

Sheneedssomethingstrongerthanboringoldwinetogetherthroughthenight.

ShegrabbedacoldbottleofvodkarestinginsideSunkyu'schromefridgeandpouredherselfa
generousamountofit.

Shewasshaking;herkneesweresuddenlyweak,likethey'vebeenbeatenbyabaseballbat
againandagain.

13
4

Ifitweren'tforthewarmtouchshefeltonhershoulder,shewould'vedonesomethingstupidlike
snatchingTaeyeonawayandbringinghersomeplacewheretheycouldbealoneorsitbeside
TaeyeonoronTaeyeon'slaporinbetweenTaeyeonandYejin.

Itmightnotbetherighttime
Imightnotbetherightone
Butthere'ssomethingaboutus,Iwanttosay
'Causethere'ssomethingbetweenusanyway

Ithadneveroccurredtoherbefore,maybebecauseshewastoousedtoitthatshedidn'tfind
thetimetoactuallythinkaboutitbutshesomehowconsideredTaeyeonhers.Beingawayfrom
herclosefriends,Taeyeonincluded,fortwoyearswasn'taseasyasonetwothree,herdecision
aboutgettingmarriedwassomethingheavyhenceithadtakenmostofhertime,timewiththe
wedding planner, the florist, the venue organizers, her family, her husband's family, her
husband.

ShewonderedhowharditmusthavebeenforTaeyeon,thefactthattheycouldn'tseeeach
otherandespeciallythefacttheshe'sgettingmarried.

Gettingmarried.

Married.

Pasttense.

13
4

She'snotgoingtolie,itwasdamnhardforhertoo.Heremotionswerekillingher,sometimes
shewouldthinkthatit'sbetternottogetmarriedandjuststayinarelationship,atleastinthat
wayshecouldstilllivewithTaeyeonandlivelifeasitisbutno,herrashandmoronicfeelings
justhadtopushandpullherselfawayandtowardsTaeyeon,Othertimes,shewouldfeelvery
contentandatpeacewiththeguy.

Itsconfusingthehelloutofher.

Nowshethinksit'sherimpulsivenessshefollowedbecausejudgingfromwhatshe'sfeeling
rightnow,thisisn'twhereherheartwantshertobe.Shewondersifshemightnothavethought
thisthroughthoroughly,she'salwayssometiculousofthings,sothiswaskindofsurprising.

Maybeshepanickedorsomething.Thenagain,isthereanythingshecoulddotofixthis?Orif
thereissomethingtofix.Marriageisn'tajokeandsheknowsthat.

ButlookingatTaeyeonnow,whochangedherseatandwasnowsittingontheoppositeofthe
couch, with her beautiful face on display, Tiffany thinks that maybe she made the biggest
mistakeinherlife.

Itwasridiculouslyfunny,itseemslikeTaeyeon,whowasfromKorea,wastakingwhatever's
goingonbetweenthemmoreseriouslythanshe,TiffanyHwangdoes,whogrewupinafree
countrythatseeshomosexualityassomethingnormal.

Itwasn'tthatshethinksit'sabnormal,shetotallyfinewithit.

Itsjustamatterofstrictreligionandaimingtohaveaperfectfamily,withkidsandafatherthey
couldcallDaddyandallthat,muchlikeherfamilybackinthedays.

13
4

Andso,seeingTaeyeoninfrontofherwithaveryamusedYejinsittingveryclosetoher,almost
cuddlingandlookingveryhappywithwhateverHyoyeon'stalkingaboutstartedtocarveitsway
intoherheart.

Andcarvingcanneverbenotpainful.

Imightnotbetherightone
Itmightnotbetherighttime
Butthere'ssomethingaboutusI'vegottodo
SomekindofsecretIwillsharewithyou

Shecouldseeitnowassheranahandthroughherhairandsighed.

"So everything's not okay I assume?" the blonde girl surmised. Tiffany didn't answer. Her
thoughtsweremuddledandunorganized.

Jessicahelpedherselfwithsomevodka,downedherfirstshot,facescrunchingjustalittleatthe
taste,andpouredTiffanyhersecond.

Fromtheretheycouldseethehappeningsinthelivingroom.Sunkyu,HyoyeonandJuhyun
weretalkingtoYejinwhowassittingbesideanuncomfortableTaeyeonwhowaschancinga
glanceonthemthroughawallmirror.

13
4

TiffanycaughtherstareandTaeyeonimmediatelytorehereyesoffofherlookingguiltyand
flushed.

Cute.Tiffanythought.therewasaonesecondsmileonherfacebeforeitturnedbacktoits
previoussternandstoiclook.

Sooyoungwasmakingherwaytowardsthem.

"Shouldn'tthisbeaparty?Whyareyouguysoverhere?"shesaidjubilantly,butafterasecond
herenergydied.

"Okay,Igetit,it'stooawkwardtobethereandpretendthateveryone'shavingfunblahblah"
sherambledandsatoneoftheelevatedstools,shegrabbedapieceofgarlicbreadfromaplate
setdownbySunkyuasafingerfoodevenbeforethepartystartedwhileJessicaplacedaflute
filledwithwineinfrontofher.

"Thanks,gosh,isthereanythingelseherethat'smoreexcitingthangarlicbread?"Sooyoung
questionedlateraftergulpingdownherdrink.

"Youcanrummageinside,Ithink."Jessicacommented,pointedherthumbbehindher,where
Sunkyu'sfridgewaslocated.

Sooyoung'sattempttolivenupthemoodfailedmiserably.Shehalfslouchedonherseatand
sighedbeforestandingupanddoingwhatJessicahadsaid.Yuriwhojustgotoutfromthe
powderroomcamebeamingatthem.

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4

Jessicastiffened.

Helloladiesshegreetedwithacharmingsmile.

ShehasgonemutesincetheyarrivedJessicaexplained,lipspursedtowardTaeyeonand
Yejin.

YurimadeanaudibleawwandproceededtoTiffany,kissingthetopofthegirlshead.

Tiffany still hasn't moved an inch nor talked a word, but she patted Yuris legs for
acknowledgment. Yuri then stood behind Jessica and placed her arms around the latters
shoulders;herchinwasrestingonthecrownofJessicashead.

JessicaleanedbackandletherselffallonYurisfront,andheldYurisarmswithoneofher
hands.Shesmiled,thisistheclosestIcouldevergettoyou,shethought.Yurihuggedher
tighter.

"She did say that she was bringing someone along right?" asked Jessica to no one, but
Sooyoungwasconsiderateenoughtoansweritwithasmallyep.

"Maybeyou'llfindtimelater,we'llkeepherbusy,Yejin,Imean."saidSooyoung,herwordswere
obviouslyaimedatTiffanywhowasstillstaringhardatTaeyeonasshesatbacktoherplace,
butnotwithoutplayfullyshovingYuriaway.

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4

Slowlynodding,Tiffanybroughttheglassnearhermouth;herlipsweregentlytouchingthelid
asshelookedferventlyatTaeyeon,wholookedbackatherwithanunreadableexpressionshe
wassocurioustoknow.

ItseemslikeTaeyeonwasbravewhenshe'sfaraway,havingmanagedtostarebackatTiffany
forclosetoaminutenow.Thenagain,itwassecondnaturetothem,tolookateachotherforno
apparentreason,whereintheysometimesgettoolostineachother'sorbs,silentlyguessingif
theotherone'sfeelingthesameway,it'sbeenlikethatbefore,untiltheireyesdrowsilyflutter
anddrooplazily,thememberswouldjustseethemsoundasleepbesideeachother.

Taeyeonfeelslikeithassomethingtodowithforce,aforcethatkeepspullingherrightfromthe
start,shewantedsobadlytolookelsewhere,butshecan'tormaybeshedoesn'twantto.She
hasn'tseenherfortwoyears.Hereyeswantedtotakeinasmuchasitcould,toengrave
Tiffanyonhermind,justlikealltheotherTiffany'sithadengravedeversince.

There was a 15 year old Tiffany rehearsing difficult dance choreography, also a sleeping
Tiffany. Tiffany at 18 years old, beauty becoming more evident, Tiffany at 21 years old,
seeminglylookinglikeanirresistiblesexgoddess,Tiffanyat24,lookingatTaeyeonlikeshe's
herfavoritethingintheworldbeforesheheldTaeyeon'sfacefirmlyandkissedthelifeoutof
her.

Theforceisgettingstronger.Taeyeoncouldn'thelpherself.ShementallythankedHyoyeonand
YoonaforkeepingYejinbusyrightnow,becauseitwouldbeverypainfulforthegirltoseewhat
she'sdoingrightnow.

Shamelesslygawkingatanotherwoman.

ButTiffanyisn'tjustsomeotherwoman.

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4

ShewasTaeyeon'sfirstlove.

Andthoughitwasntreallyproclaimedforeveryonetoknow,shewasthebestTaeyeonhas
everhad.

Tiffanyhadthatlookinhereyes;she'safineseductressalright.Ifhereyescouldburn,itwould
burntheair,itwouldburnYejin,itwouldprobablyburnSunkyu'snewhouse.Itwasthatintense.
ItmightburnTaeyeontoo,butshewouldn'tmind.

It was the same stare Tiffany had when they shared their first kiss which almost lead to
somethingmoredeliciouslyserious.Itdidn'thappenimmediatelythough,theywerebothcareful
anddidn'twanttoscrewuptheirfriendship,orjustrashlyscrew,literally.

Forthem,itwasn'tthepleasurethey'reafter.

Tiffanyslowlybroughttheglasstohermouth,herredlipstickimprintinghersexylipsonthe
glass.SheslowlysippedhervodkawhilelookingatTaeyeondeadintheeye,shenevermissed
asecond,nevermissedasingleactionlikethewayTaeyeonslowlyscootsfurtherawayfrom
Yejinandintoherownpersonalspacewithouttheothergirlknowing,howTaeyeonwouldwet
her lips from time to time and she thought that maybe, the taste of Taeyeons lips hasnt
changed.

Ineedyoumorethananythinginmylife
Iwantyoumorethananythinginmylife

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4

I'llmissyoumorethananyoneinmylife
Iloveyoumorethananyoneinmylife

Thereisnowayoffindingout,isthere?

Sooyoungfinallyenteredthescene,chattingamicablyandneverendinglytoYejin,buyingthe
twosometimetohitapropertimingandfinallygetthechancetocatchup.

Tiffanydranktherestofhercocktail,closinghereyesforamomentwhenshereachedthetop
andlettingthevodkaburnitswaydownherthroat,sheforcefullyplankeddownherglassonthe
marblecountertopanditlandedwitharesoundingclink.Shebitherlip,tastingthedregsof
alcohol left on it before she stood up, sauntering towards Taeyeon, her hips professedly
hypnotizingasitswayedhereandthere,herheelsclankingrhythmicallyagainstthefloor.

Herfacewasseriousbutitwasdazzling,hermouthtwitchedandtherewasnowasmallsmile
sketchedonhersmoothface.Shewantedtorun,justliketheoldtimes,runtowardsTaeyeon,
hugherandfeelthesafety,thecomfortingfamiliaritythegirlbrought,holdherhandanddrag
heraroundliketheyrelittlekids.

Butthiswastheirfirstmeetingafteralongtime;shewantedittobedifferent.Shewantedevery
second,everyminutetobeworthwhile;shewantedtosavoreveryfeeling,alltheyearningand
hurtandregretandhappinessand...andlove.

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4

Thenearershegot,thefasterherheartpounded,butshesetthethoughtandanxietyawayand
smiled.Thesmilethatcapturedtheworldsheart,itseemedtowork,alongwithhercurved
eyes,asmallcurveonTaeyeonsmouthstartedtoappear.

Taeyeongotupclumsilyandjuststoodthere,waiting.

Taeyeon,thoughbroken,wasalwayswaiting,alwayshopingthatmaybesomecrazyfatewould
grantheramiracle.Asecondchanceandmaybe...

Maybethiswasthestartofit.

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4

Chapter10
Caughtinthemiddle

Everythingwasfamiliar; sheknowsitbecauseshe hasfeltthisathousandtimesago.The

fluttersshefeelsinherheart,thewildchurningofherstomachandTiffanysmerepresence.All
ofthosecombinedseemedtotossherintoawhirlpoolofblissfulsuffocation.

ShecouldntbelieveshemanagedtogoonwithoutTiffanyfortwoyears,somethingshehad
deemedimpossibletodosobefore.Itjustprovesthatthehumanheartdoesoutstandingthings
afterbeingshatteredintopieces.

Shehadafirmgriponherglass,asifitwouldhelphercalmdown.Peeringintotheswirling
amberliquid,shesmiledandrealizedthatnoamountofliquorcouldfixthis,noonecouldfixthis
saveforthepersonwhobrokeitinthefirstplace.

Thepersonbesideher.

Thepersonwearingabrandnewdiamondring.

Shesmiledtoherself,sadandsarcastic.Defeatcreptinlikeavinetiedaroundherthroat.Its
true,itsreal.Shesreallymarried.

Taeyeonsighedunknowinglyandstiffenedthenextsecondwhenfelteyeswereonherand
Tiffanystartedinchingcloser.Shouldertoshouldernow,Taeyeonhadtotakeamouthfulof

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4

whateverliquorshesdrinking.Itburneditswaydownherthroatbutitdidntcalmthefrantic
beatingofherheart,thesweatingofherhandsandthethoughtsthatrunthroughhermind.

Itwasintoxicating,andshewasnteventalkingaboutthealcohol.

Helloboyit'sbeenawhile
Guessyou'llbegladtoknow
ThatI'velearnedhowtolaughandsmile
Gettingoveryouwasslow
Theysayoldloverscanbegoodfriends
ButIneverthoughtI'dreallyseeyou
I'dreallyseeyouagain

Themomenttheysteppedoutofthelivingroomandintothebalcony,Tiffanyneverlethereyes
offofTaeyeonthoughthelatterwasntlookingback.Tiffanyunderstandswhy,shestheonly
onewhocouldfullyunderstandTaeyeonsreserveddemeanor.

ShenoticedTaeyeonlookdownonherglassandtheamountoflonelinessshesawinthose
eyesbrokeherheart,knowingthatshewasthereasonbehindthatonlymadeitworse.Ifshe
couldjusthugTaeyeonwithallhermightrightnow,shewouldbutitsbeentwolongyearsand
maybeTaeyeonhaschanged,maybethiswasnttheoldTaeyeonsheknew.

TheselflessTaeyeonthatlovesherunconditionallymaybegone.

13
4

Anditwasherfault.

Forbeingsuchacoward.

Tiffany approached her with caution, testing the waters. There was five second stiffness
betweenthembeforetheirbodiesrelaxed,armsandshoulderstouching.

Youcold?Taeyeonaskedaminutelater.

Tiffanyhadtosmile.Shesconcerned

Yeah,itskindachilly

Oh... here Taeyeon instantly broke off the close distance and proceeded to remove the
cardiganshewaswearingbutTiffanypulledherback.

No,no,noletsjuststaythiswayshewhisperedintotheair.

Ookay...

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4

Taeyeonfeltlikeascoldedpuppyandwishedforaninsectrepellanttodriveawaythebutterflies
inherstomachnowthatTiffanysarmsareloopedaroundhers.

Shecametorealizethattherewasnothingelsemorebeautifulthanthis,tohaveTiffanybeside
hersharingeachotherswarmthandimmersedinthecomfortingfamiliaritytheyseemtoonly
findwithineachother.

Tiffanywasverybeautiful.

Shewassobeautifulrightfromthestart.

Thekindofbeautyshepossessedmadepeoplecry,butforTaeyeon,thewholenessofTiffany
droveherinsane.

Witheachpassingsecond,Taeyeonfoundherselfunabletolookaway.No,shewouldntmiss
this for the world. How could she look elsewhere when Tiffanys hair looked so feverishly
rapturousasitdancedgracefullytothetuneofthewind,herevermesmerizingeyesstaredoff
intotheflickeringcitylightsaheadwithpeacefultranquilityandlucidcontentment,evenher
appleredlipsneverlostitspoisonousappeal.

Taeyeonwasmorethanwillingtotakeabite,evenifitcostsherherlife.

She blinked several times, almost moronically when Tiffany laid eyes on her til the familiar
crescentsshowedup.Taeyeonsmiledarealsmileforthefirsttimethatnight,herwholeworld
camewhirlinginreverseandshefoundherselfonthesamespotwhereshehadfallenhead
overheelsforherbestfriend.

13
4

Igocrazy
WhenIlookinyoureyes
Istillgocrazy
Nomyheartjustcan'thidethatoldfeelinginside
Waydeepdowninside
OhbabyyouknowwhenIlookinyoureyes
Igocrazy

AhjummaTiffanyteasinglyscoffed.

Taeyeon made an offended look before playfully shoving Tiffany, the sound of her raspy
laughterfilledtheairandTaeyeoncouldnthelpbutlaughalong.Theirlaughtersubsidedasthe
nownormalsilenceseepedbackin.Thishappinesswasnothinglikethehappinessshegets
whenwatchingearlymorningcartoonsorreadingthroughtheirgroupchatssillyconversations,
thisonewasheartfelthappiness.

ThekindofhappinessonlyTiffanycouldbring.

SheturnstohertheexacttimeTiffanyleansherheadonTaeyeonsshoulder.Itdoesnthelp
thatthegirlsinsidehadgrownquietandstartedsingingaslowballad.Tiffanyshandmadeits
waytoTaeyeonsandtheresheidlyplayedwiththelatterspalmbeforecarefullylacingtheir
fingers.

Itfitperfectly.Theyboththoughtandwonderediftheotherhadnoticedittoo.

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4

TaeyeonclosedhereyesandpressedherfaceclosertoTiffanyshead,recognizingthescentof
Tiffanysbrandofshampoo,perfume,lotionandwhatnot.

Somethingsneverchangehuh?

Exceptforus,shethought.

AslightflickeronTiffanysfingertriggeredaclickinherhead.Thiswastoogoodtobetrue.
Suddenly,itseemedlikeshehadswallowedapillthatleftabittertasteinhermouth,itlingers
thereandgrowsmoreseriousasitsentapangofpaininherheartandthegapingholewas
onceagainreopened.

Taeyeoninhaledandlookedaway.

Nicering,looksexpensiveshewantedtoletgoofherhandbutatthesametimeshedoesnt.

ThesmallsmileonTiffanysfacefaded,herinsidesstungwithsomuchguiltshehadtoretract
herselfawayfromTaeyeon,Apartofherfeltembarrassedofthesilverbandonherringfinger,
likeitwasntsupposedtobethereandshewasntsupposedtowearitbutthedamagehas
beendone,notjustfortonightbutlongagowhenshehadsaidthewordsIdo.

RealitycamecrashingdownonTaeyeonlikeatidalwave.Thehardandpainfultruththatwhat
theyhaverightnowandwhattheyhadbackthenwerejustborrowedtime,thatTiffanywas
meanttobeexperiencedbutnottokeep.

Funnyhowthepeoplewewanttobewithfortherestofourlivesaretheoneswellneverend
upwith.

13
4

Taeyeon triesher best tofree her away from Tiffanys adamant gripbut thelatter wouldnt
budge.

Ahh,letmejustitssweatySheliedandforcefullypulledherhandaway,creatingdistance
betweenthematthesametime.Tiffanyfeelsherthroatstarttohurt,shebitherlipandithurt,
everythingsuddenlyhurts.

Todispelthebuddingawkwardness,Taeyeonthoughtofstartinganewconversationsinceit
washerwhobroughtupthemarriagetopicanyway.

Sohowhaveyoubee

Imissedyou

Tiffanywasnowlookingather,straightintheeyes,withsomuchpowerTaeyeonhadtoback
away. With each step backward, the other steps forward until there was no space left and
TiffanylungedherselfatTaeyeon,armstightlyencirclingtheshortergirlslithewaistandface
snuggledupherneck.

Itwasloveandpainmixedintoone.

Taeyeonneededselfrestraintbutlogicwentdownthedrainthemomenttheirbodiesmetinthat
longingembrace.HerarmswentaroundTiffanysshoulders,pulledhercloserandkissedthe
topofherhead.

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4

Itwasthatbittersweetfeelingyouwantedsomuchtofeelthoughithurtsyou.

Imissyousomuch,ImsoImsosorryshewhimperedagainstTaeyeonsskin,almost
sobbing,shetightenedherembrace,likeherlifedependedonit.

When she finally saw Tiffanys face, she was indeed almost crying, but not really because
Tiffanyisastronggirl,shedtryherbesttofightthetearsjustlikehowshefoughtherfeelings
for Taeyeon. What she saw in those glittering eyes were remorse, guilt and desperation.
Taeyeonhateditbutshecouldnthelpbutfeelsomewhatproudknowingthatshestillhashis
effect on Tiffany. Its a proof that what they had before was indeed something special,
somethingreal.

ItsnicetoknowthatshestillmeansalottoTiffany.

BecauseforTaeyeon,nothinghadchanged,Tiffanysstillhereverything.

***

Alonefigureappearedfromthelivingroom.

Shehadthisunreadableexpressiononherfaceasshewalkedclosertothebalcony,towhere
twopeoplearesharinganintimatemoment.

13
4

Taeyeonsfacepaledwhensherealizedwhoitwas.

Sheheardanaggingvoiceinsideherheadsayingthatshehadjustsinned.

Theireyesmet.

Yejinah

Herheartwantedtoexplodeandtherewasarisingthrobinherhead.Thepastandthepresent
hadcollided.

Shewassocaughtinthemiddle.

13
4

Chapter11
Itsjustanothernight

First,shewishedshehadn'tseenthatlookonYejin'sfacebecausenowshefeelsawfullyguilty.
Second,thatYejindidn'thaveastrongstaminaassheshuffledoutoftheroomwithhurried
footsteps,leavingacrammingTaeyeonbehind.
"Fuck"shecursedassheranwithallhermight,grabbedYejin'swristandswiveledher.
Therewasafreshlywipedyetstillsomehowvisibletearsonherface.Taeyeoncursed,silently
thistime.
"Yejinah..."Taeyeonadoringlycooed,herthumbwipingawaythedregsoftearsleftonher
face.Sheopenshermouththenclosesitrealizingshecpuldn'tevengiveYejinanexplanation.

Orherself.

"Ihaveanurgentthing..."Thegirl'svoicecracked,clearingherthroatshecontinues.
"Sajangnimcalledandoursupposedtapingfornextweekwasrescheduledtomorrowat7am
soIhavetogohomeandpackthings,getsomesleep"
ShewascutoffanddraggedintoacornerwhereTaeyeoncuppedherfaceandkissedher
tenderly,almostapologeticallyanditmadehersicktoherstomachbutsherespondedanyway
becausethisisTaeyeon,andshelovesthisgirleventhoughshecouldn'thavehercompletely.

Sheknewthatrightfromthestart,butstillsheasked.
"ShouldIbeworried?"AboutyouandTiffany

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4

Taeyeonkeptmum,theanswerwasprettymuchpalpable.

Thehallwaywasquietandthelightingsweredim,castingthenarrowpathwayayellowishglow.
Taeyeonheldherclose,showeredherwithsmallkissesbutTaeyeon'seyesweredarkand
impenetrable.AsTaeyeonaimsforherneck,Yejinredirectsthegirl'sfacetohersandpresses
theirlipstogetherinstead.
Taeyeonwasneverthevocaltypeofperson.Sure,shesingswell,hervoiceisunbelievablebut
shedoesn'treallytellmuchaboutwhatshefeels,heractionsmakeupforit.Theyhadbeen
slippingtheirtonguesinandoutofeachother'smouth.Yejinyetagainfusedtheirlipsintoa
soft,lingeringkissbeforepullingback.
Inthemiddleoftheirjaggedbreaths,sheasksagain,murmursthequestiontoTaeyeon'slips
withhereyesclosed,afraidtoseeorevenheartheanswer.
"ShouldIbeworried?"
ShefeelsTaeyeon'seyesflutteropenandthegirlpullingback,Yejinkepthereyesclosedthe
wholetime,scaredthatifsheopensthem,theriveroftearswillflowandtheotheronewillsee
andwillstaybyhersidebecauseshepitiesher.Butthat'snotwhatshewants.
Taeyeonkissesherclosedeyesandthenherforehead.
"I'lltakeyouhome"Taeyeontakesherhandbutshejerksitaway.Hard.
TheystareateachotherforthelongesttimebeforeYejinputsahandonhertemples,heavesa
sighandwalkspastTaeyeonwhocouldn'tdoanytingbutlookdownonthefloor.
ShecaughtYejinbythewrist.
"Idoloveyou"shespeaks.
"Doyou?"Yejincountersbackasquicklyasshecan,givesTaeyeonapiercinggazebefore
freeingherhandfromthelatter'sgripandgoesoutofsight.Taeyeontailsherallthewaytothe
elevator.
"Stopfollowingme"

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4

Yejin'svoicewasstern,Taeyeonknewshewaspissedoffbigtime,she'snotevencallingher
unnieanymoresoshemakesacallanddashestotheglasswalssattheendofthehall.
"HiIneedacab,514Gangnam,Victoriousbuilding.Yes,yesshe'swearingawhitedress,yes
andumm...agraycardigan,ablackslingbagonhershoulder.No,herhairisstraight.She's
walkingnow,towardsthestreet,Yeahrightthere,OkayIseeyou,pleasetakeherhomesafely,
Thankyouahjussi."
ShedropsthecallandwatchesYejineaseininsidethecabandoffintoSeoul'sstreetsand
wonderedwhyitdidn'thurtherthesamewaywhenTiffanyleft.

Yes,backagaintoTiffany.
Tiffanyandher.They'rebothsomeoneelse's,aren'tthey?
Butit'sstillthere,thatfeelingsherevelsinbeforebutdreadssomuchtoday,andmaybeitwill
nevergoaway.
It'saneverendingcycle.
Howcanherheartlovethesamepersonforalmostadecadenow,howcanthattiredandworn
outheartofhersstillbeatandyearnforthesameeyesandthesamelips.
Martyrdommaylookromanticinmoviesandsongsbutinreality,it'snothingbutplainstupidity
andmasochism.
Taeyeon'sonehellofamasochist.

ShethinksofTiffanyeverysingledayevenwhenthegirlhadalreadylefther,mournsandcries
herselftosleepeverynightthinkingofher,thinkingwheretheywentwrongorwhatshemight
havedonetoscrewthingsupbutnothingcomestomind,nothingbuthowmuchshegaveand
howmuchmoreshewaswillingtogivejustforTiffany.

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4

AllforTiffany.

BecauseTiffanyistheairshebreathesyetsuffocatesher,Tiffanyisthecoldrainwatertrickling
downherbarebody,owningeveryinchofit,Tiffanyistheloudnessofhertelevision,it'sthe
rapidhurricaneofwordsinEnglishshecouldbarelyunderstandandmeagerHangulofa5year
old.Tiffanyisthelowhumshehearsontheradiothatdrivesherinsanewithwant.
Itmakestheporesonherskinpricklewhenshethinksofhowmuchshelovedher,amazedthat
shemanagedtofeelsomethingsodeepforsomeone,sheneverthoughtshewasabletodo
somethinglikethat,herworldrevolvedaroundthebothofthemanditmakeshereyestearup
whenshethinksofhowmuchshehadgivenbutlosttwicetheamount.
AndhoweverythingaboutTiffanyreducedherintothiswreckedpersonshecouldn'trecognize,
brokeninsideandout.

***

ShesitsnonchalantlyonSunkyu'scouch,thelivingroomwasacompletemess,likeacollege
fratpartyjusthappened,orazillionkindergartenstudentshadaplaydate.Itwasprobablythe
latter.
Bottleswerescatteredonthefloor,Taeyeondroopsdown,haphazardlypicksabottle,drawsit
nearherlipsandtriestosip,realizingitwasempty,shedropsitandpicksanotherone.
Doesn'tmatterifit'ssojuorbeerorwhatever.Thestronger,thebetter.
Leaning her head backwards to takea swig, her sluggish eyes met a pair that of a doe's.
Yoona's chin rest ontopof Taeyeon's head andher long armsareloosely tangled around
Taeyeon'sneck.

Theshortonedownsherdrinkthensniffs.

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4

"Unnie,howbadwasit?"Yoonasurmised.
Taeyeonguzzlesforasecond.
"Very"shecroaks.
"Justknowthatwe'rehereandweloveyou"Taeyeonhums,Yoonakissesthetopofherhead.
Therestofthegirlssaytheirgoodbyesandheadshome.
Sunkyuinvadestheshortgirl'sbubbleanddigsthroughherjeanpockets.
"Whatintheworld...?!"Taeyeonflinches.
"I'lltakethis,thankyouverymuch,you'refreetocrashhereforthenight,there'snowayinhell
I'mlettingyoudriveinthatcondition"Sunkyutellsher,carkeysononehand.
"Fine"
"Youcan'tdriveTaeng,lookatyou,doyouwanttodie?"
"Oh,I'vebeenwantingto"Taeyeonanswersalmostautomatically,takesanotherswig,herlazy
eyesstareoffintonothinginparticular.

Sunkyucloseshereyesandsighsoutofexasperation.It'snoteventhatshe'sgettingdogtired
ofbabysittingTaeyeonwheneverthegirldecidestobethemostmiserablepersonintheworld;
it'sjustthatshe'shadenoughofseeingthebothofthemlikethis,especiallyTaeyeon.
LightfootstepstapthefloorasTiffanyapproachesthemlookingapologetic;Sunkyugivesher
anunderstandingsmile,putahandonhershoulderandlightlypusheshertowardsthecouch
whereTaeyeonis'zombying'herself.
"MayIsit?"
Taeyeondoesn'tanswerbutscoots,inalethargicway.
Thecouchdips.

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4

Tiffanystudiesherforalongtimeandnoticesthemelancholyinthoseeyes,notonceina
milliontimesshe'speeredintothemhassheseenthemthatlonely.Sheconcludesthatshewas
right.Taeyeonhadchanged,anditwasn'tforthebetter.
Taeyeontakesanotherswig,hereyebrowscrease,thebitternessofitallstaysatthebackof
hertongueandshewantstogag.
"I'msorry"Tiffanypipesinwitheyesdowncast.
"Yousaythatalot"theothergirlanswers,grinstoherself.Shemust'vethoughitlookedcoolon
her,itdidn't.Itonlyshowedhowmiserablesheis.
"Imeantit"
"Doyourememberthelasttimeyousaidthat?"Taeyeoninquiresaminutelater.
Thequestionhangsintheair.
"It...was,itwas..."Tiffanymumbles,sheswearssheheardherheartcrackinsideherchest.

"Thenightbeforeyourwedding"Taeyeonfinishes,eyesdeadpanandblank.
Tiffanycloseshereyesandbitesherlip,gathersthecouragetolookuponlytoseeapairof
glassyeyesmirroringherown,andthatpainedsmileonTaeyeon'sface.
Herheartdied,Taeyeon'stoobeautifultolooksomiserable.Butyoumadeherlikethis
SheinchesforwardandreachesoutforTaeyeon'shand,claspsit.
"Taeyeon..."
Thelatterretractsherhand,putsitontopofTiffany'sinstead,thumbbrushingthatdelicateskin
sheknewtoowell.
Howmanytimeshadshekissedherhand?

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4

"Notyourfault"saysTaeyeonandsmiles.Shesmilesbecausethemoonisnowatitspeakand
Tiffanylookssobreathtakingunderthemoonlight,mesmerizedbyhowthebothofthemhave
thesameglassyeyesseeminglyabouttoshatteratanygivensecondandhoweverythingshe
hadeverwantedallherlifeisjustrightinfrontofher,butcan'thaveit.
Taeyeonfightstokeephercomposure,herthroatstartshurtingandshe'safraidthattherewill
benostoppingthetearsifsheblinksevenforasecond.
No,notinfrontofTiffany.
Savesomeofyourpride.
Shegetsupandheadselsewhere,tearsfallingwitheverystepnowthatshehasherbackon
Tiffany,andhatesthefactthatsheloveshertoomuchtoevenhateher.

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4

Chapter12
TheClimax

Taeyeonclosesthedoor.

Aloudthudreverberates.

She faces the mirror and looks back at her reflection, sees a woman she could barely
recognize. Theoldvibrantgirlsheusedtocallherselfhadseeminglyretrogressedintothis
stressedandoverworkedwomandrowningindepression.Thebagsunderhereyesaregetting
biggeranddarker,thoseveryorbshaveharboredlonelinessevenbefore,buttoday,itseemsa
lotclearer.

Sure,beingawayfromthecomfortsofherownhomeinJeonju,beingwithoutumma,appa,
JiwoongandHayeonissuchapainintheneckbutthroughoutherbuddingcareerandhernow
phenomenalsuccessandfameasSNSDsleaderandasoloartist,shehasgrownaccustomed
toit.Afterall,shehastomakealivingwhilstlivingthedream.

Itsawinwin.

Aintit?

Butofcourseshecannotcontrolthepeopleshellmeet.Nastyones,raregenuineonesandthe
fakeones,ohyesmostofthemarefraud,shethinks.Ifshewerentthisfamousandtalented,if
shewerentthisbeautifulandflawless,wouldtheyevenwastetheirtimeandmoneyonher?

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4

Fatchance.

Ifshecouldunmeetpeople,shewould.

Buteventhoughgiventheprivilege,shecertainlywouldntunmeetTiffany;nomatterhowbadly
shewantedto,neededto.BecauseifitwerentforTiffanyshewouldntbehappy,wouldntbe
sad,wouldntbeabletofeelanythingatall,shewouldntbeherself.SoTiffanyisanexception,
nomatterwhatkindofbullshitshehastogothrough.

Taeyeoncloseshereyes,splashesitwithwaterbecauseitburns,hereyessurgewithhot.
Suppressedtearsshehaskeptinsideforsolong.Shethoughtshedgetusedtothisvicious
cycleofproblems,privacyandemotionalstrugglesbutshethoughtwrongasshesuccumbsto
thefloorandsetsthepentupfeelingsfree.

Searingtearsrushdownfromhereyes,itsalltoomuch.

YejinandTiffany.

Shesobs.

***

Yeah,behomelaterIguessTiffanyslowandraspyvoiceresonatesinthelivingroom.

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4

Iguess,meaningImnotsure,hello,youokayKhunnie?

OhGod,really,youredoingthistomerightnow?Stopit.

Fine,honey.There,Isaidit,youhappy?sheanswersandaseriesoflaughterfollow.

But for Tiffany, laughing doesnt always mean yourehappy. She has been doing that ever
since, maskingallher fearsanddoubtswithherbrightsmile,it fooledpeople yes,butshe
couldntfoolherselfwithit.

Mhmm,haddinnerhereatSunnys,about20minutesorsoShepacesbackandforth,phone
onear,shesmoothesherlong,wavy,jetblackhair.Tiffanyskedaddledalittletoonearthe
bathroom,shehearssomethingthatmakesherstop.

Hereyebrowsmeettogetherasshewalksfurther,theotherpersonontheotherendoftheline
seeminglyforgottenasshedropsthecall.Shepressesherearstothedoorandeavesdrops.

Taeyeon didnt give asingle damnevenafter hearingaloud bangandthe doorpractically

swingingoutofitsplaceandincomesapanickyTiffanylikeamadtornado.Thesametornado
thatflungTaeyeontothepeakandedgeofblissfulrapturethensuckedherverysoulleaving
herwithnothing.ShefeelsthegingercuppingofhercheeksandTiffanysfacecomestoview.

TAEYEON! TAEYEON ARE YOU OKAY?! WHAT HAPPENED?! The girl shouted at her
thoughtheywerejustinchesapart.TiffanybrushesawaythetearstainsonTaeyeonscheeks.

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4

***

Hey,Imreallysorry.Yousureitsokay?

Alright,dontworrythough;Illmakesureshegetshomesafelybytomorrow.Bye,haveanice
nightKhun

SunkyuendsthecallandlooksatTiffanywhomouthedsilentthanks.

Fanyah,ifyouwant,youcansleepinmyroominstead,ImfinesharingabedwithTaeng

Dontbesilly,thisisyourhouse,IllsleepherewithTaetae,itsfine

They remain silent for a while. The shorter girl grabs a glass and fills it with water before
handingittotheotherone.

Here,knockonmydoorifanythinghappens,okay?

Okay,Iwill,ThanksSunnyTiffanysaid,lethargic.

Welcome

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4

TiffanyturnstoheadbacktotheroomwhereTaeyeonscurrentlyin;thegirlhasbeenoutof
herselfsince.

Tiff

Yeah?

Taeyeon,Ithoughtshehadsomehowmovedon,consideringherrecentstatuswithYejin,but
fromwhatImseeingnow,Ithinkshestilllovesyou

IcanfeelitTiffanyanswers.

Sowhathappensnow?

Ilovehertoo

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4

Tiffanys voice was trapped inside her throat, Sunny holds her by the waist, ushering her
towardstheroom.

Nevermind,youguysfigureitouttonight

***

Taeyeonwasnotonetoopenlyshowheremotionsletalonehervulnerability.Maybeitwasthe
timespentapartandthesuddenreunionthatstirredupherinsideslikeshovelsdiggingupan
oldgrave.

Gruesomeandsickening.

ShehasthoughtaboutTiffanyamilliontimesbefore,butastimeflewby,shethoughtofher
lessandless,busiedherselfwithworkalongwiththemannafromheaventhatsYejincoaxed
hertostartanew.

Butoldghostsdohavetheirwaysofhaunting.

Shefeelsembarrassed,toSunny,toTiffany,toherself.Shewasntusedtobeingtakencareof;
beingsooutofherself,likeshewasdumpedbyherfirstloveanditwashighschoolallover
again.Allthroughtheyears,ithasalwaysbeenherlookingoutforallthe9girlswelfare,along
withhers,butshedebatesthatshesalsohuman,andhumanshavelimitationstoo.Humans
areweak,andtheirheartsareweakbutsheisahumanwithaheart.Therefore,sheisweak.

Atinycreak washeardalongside the hollow locking ofthedoorknobasTiffanynoiselessly

tiptoesinsidetheroom,justliketheoldtimes.

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4

Oldtimesthatwerelonggone.

TiffanyrunsahandthroughTaeyeonssoft,brownlocksandthefeelingwaseuphoricforthe
twothoughneitheradmitted.

Areyouthirsty?sheasksandoffersTaeyeonacoolglassofwaterwhichthelatterturns
down.

WhatsthematterTaetae?

Dontcallmethatthegirlsnaps,Tiffanywastakenabackbythesuddenharshness.

Okay,someonesagrumpydrunkshekids.

Dontplaywithme,whatareyoudoinghere?Whydidyoucomeback?

What?IdontgetitTaeyeonah

WhydidyoucomebackTiffany?sherepeats.

What,AmInotallowedtoseeyouguysanymore,isthatwhatyouresaying?Tiffanyraised
hervoicealittle,matchingTaeyeonsaccusativeone.

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4

Yes! Why dont you go frolic around with your beau instead? Go paint the town red or
something!retortedTaeyeon.

Ohthisisridiculous,yourebeingsoimmature.Youredrunk,gosleep

Iamsober!

No,yourenotandIwontarguewithyou

Why?IsitbecauseImjustthis?Taeyeonpointsatherselfwithavisiblehintofbelittlement
withthewaysheaddressedherself.Shegotonherfeetalbeitwobblyatfirst,andfacedTiffany
whowassittingunsteadilyonthebed.

IsitbecauseIwasntenoughforyouandIcantgiveyouwhatyouwant?Ordidyoujusttreat
measafling?Alongtermflingyouhadandthrewthemomentyouhadachancetoescape?
Wereyouevenseriousandtruthfultoeverythingyousaidtomebefore,Tiffany?!

Tiffanycouldfeelhereyesbrimwithtears,shetriestoholdbackbutithurtstoomuchtosee
Taeyeonlikethis,toseethebothofthemturntothis.Whatwasitthatshewanted?Normalcy?
Theabsenceofjudgmentfromotherpeopleevenifthatmeantsacrificingherhappiness?

Funnyhowshe,beingtheonecomingfromaforeignlandwhosesocietyismoreopenminded
coulddosuchathing,Taeyeonwastheoneshewantedtobewith,shestillisandalwayswill
be.Theireyesspeakwithintensesentimentreadytogushoutwithasingle,carelessmove
donebyeither ofthem.Tiffanygripstheedgeofthebed.Thisis whatshefeared,forher
defensetocrumbledownwhenshesinthesamespacewithTaeyeon.Theotheronemightnot

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4

knowit,mighteventhinkthatshesinsignificantnowbutinreality,shestillhashereffecton
Tiffany,akindofeffectthatwillneverebbaway.

Theywereeachothersfirstlove.

Nobodyforgetstheirfirstlove.

Yougoaroundcommittingyourselftomeandthensuddenlychangingyourmind,didyoueven
thinkofwhatIwouldpossiblyfeel?Iknowbackthenthatthoughweweretogether,therewasa
pointintimewhereyousubsequentlymetupwiththatguy,Iknewthat.Youwerejugglingus
butIdidntsayawordcauseIloveyousomuchIletmyselfshareyouwithanotherknowingit
wastheonlywayIcouldkeepyou.Whenyousaidyouweregoingtotietheknotwithhim,did
youknowthatwaslikepointingaguntomymouth,pullingthetriggeronlyformetostillliveand
dealwiththepainmyselfforthenextyearsofmylife?WhenyouaskedmewhyIdidntcometo
yourweddingdayIthoughtyouweredumb,sodumbthatIhadtolaughthinkingitwasallabig,
fatjokeofyours.

WHYDOYOUTHINKIDIDNTCOME?OFCOURSEITWASYOURWEDDINGDAY!AND
IMNOTJUSTTHEBRIDESMAIDORTHEEVERFAITHFULBESTFRIEND;IWASYOUR
LOVER FOR GODDAMN SAKE! WHY WOULD I COME SEE THE WOMAN I LOVE BE
MARRIEDTOSOMEONEELSE?!

Taeyeon was breathing heavily and the tears keep coming, she was having a hard time
catchingherbreath,thiswasit,theresultofalltheyearskeepingmum.Allthesilence,dormant
loveandhatehavecomedowntothis.

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4

Tiffanywassobbinglikemadtothepointthatonemightmistakeherforhyperventilating.

Andnowthis,whenIhaveseemedtohavegatheredmyselfandgettingbackontrack,you
showupandconfusemewithyourmixedsignalsorIdontevenknowwhatyouredoingtome
anymoreheroutragegraduallyeaseddown,hervoicewentdowntoamoreconsideratetone
andhershoutslessenedintosoftpleas.

It was tiring; fighting with Tiffany was always physically, emotionally and mentally tiring.
Taeyeonneverreallywantedtofightandoptstoresolveissuesinadifferentway,itwasalways
Tiffanywhowaslikethis,butnow,thetablesareturned.

Tonight,Taeyeonhashadenough,itstime;iftheydontdothisclosurenowthenthiswhole
fuckedupsituationwilljustgoonandon.

Areyoudoingthisonpurpose?Doyouwanttostringmealongfortherestofmylife,unableto
findnewhappinessandstartalifewithsomeoneelselikeyoudid?Doyouwanttoseeme
miserableTiffany?Ifthatswhatyouwantthengoaheadandtakeagoodlookatme,lookatme
tillyougettiredcauseyougotwhatyouwant,Imallthatbullshitsoareyouhappynow?She
endedwithashrugfeigningstrengthbutthetearskeptoncoming.

Tae,taeIdidnt...I...Tiffanyhiccups

Thenwhatdoyouwant?Miyoungah,whatelsedoyouwantfromme?Taeyeonhalfpleaded,
halfsobbed with desperation which Tiffany answered by pulling her without hesitation and
pressing herlips ontoTaeyeons, her palmslightlygrazing thegirls cheeksbeforesnaking
aroundthebackofTaeyeonsneck,pullingthegirldownonthebedandontopofher.

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4

Chapter13
Unfinished

Shock

Thatwastheperfectwordtodescribehowshefelt,itwaslikearollercoasterridewithatwist,
whenyouhaveexpectedandpreparedyourselfforthekneequiveringfall,theridecascades
backwardinstead,catchingyouoffguardanddefenseless.

WhenshebrokedowninfrontofTiffany,sheexpectedthegirltojust,saysorry,pityheror
whateverandthencrushhermulishhopeonceandforallbutno.Hermindwentblankthe
moment their lips came in contact, it was an out of body experience like she consciously
fainted.

Ironic

Shedoesn'tknowwhetherit'sthetruthoramindgamecraftedbyherownbrain.

Speaking of, her brain buzzed. Her heart stopped and she swore she died for a second.
Taeyeonthoughtaboutthisbefore,inthedeadofthenightafterextinguishingherdesirefor
fleshandasYejinsleepsnakedbesideher.Attimes,shethinksifthiswouldhappentoherand
Tiffany again sometime in the future and then scoffs at the thought of her old, innocent,
inexperiencedselfwhensheandTiffanysharedtheirfirstnighttogether.

Howlonghasitbeensinceshelastkissedtheseverylips?

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4

Twoyears

Sevenmonths

Fiftythreedays

Thirtysixminutes

Andfortyfiveseconds

Shearguesthatshemayhaveforgottenhowlongbutatthebackofhermind,shecountsevery
day,everyminuteandsecond.

HerlipsfeelnumbandcoldasicetoTiffanysagileandfierylips.Itwasahurriedkiss,like
theyrerunningout oftimeasTaeyeon gaspsforair inthemiddleof their kissandinthat
precisemomenthereyesrolledbacktoitssocketswhenshefeltTiffanystongueslitherin.

Itamazedthemoftheamountofselfcontroltheyhadthatday,especiallyTiffany.Tiffanyis
alwayswithTaeyeon,alwayshasherhandsandarmsaroundTaeyeon,alloverTaeyeoninan
overtlyfriendlyway,butthenagain,theywerentjustfriends,thegirlnevercarediftheywerein
publicthattheothermembers,Sooyoungparticularlyhadtokeepaneyeonthemandnudge
themfromtimetotime,remindingtotoneitdownabit.

Andwhentheyrealonelikethis,thingsgettohigherlevels,levelsthatTaeyeonclandestinely
enjoysverymuch.Itcameflashingbacktoher,likedjvu,Tiffanysslenderfingerstangledin
herhair,thesofttouchesonherface,theirexchangeofbreaths,herhands,herstupidhands
notknowingwheretoplaceitself.SalivaandwhatnotaretastelessbutnotforTaeyeon,she

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4

was in sugar land, with their tongues swirling in a neverending spiral of ecstasy and their
centersunconsciouslypressingagainsteachother.

Shefeelsawarmsensationbelowherstomach,orwasthatTiffanys?Logicandreasoningflew
outofthewindowasTaeyeonslowlyandagonizinglygrindherlowertorsofurtherintoTiffany
who,inturn,brokethekisstoletoutthroatygruff,eyessparkingwithevidentwant,orwasit
lust?Wasitlove?

Wasitboth?

Maybe.

Definitely.

Sherevelsinthesensationofhavingthatfamiliarbodyontopofher,grinding.Sheslostinthe
thrillofseeingTaeyeonsporcelainskinthroughthegirlsshirt,herchest,apeekofherbra,the
feelingoftouchingTaeyeonslegswhichwerefirmlyspreadapartonthesidesofTiffanyslegs.
SherunsherfingerupanddownandshehearsTaeyeonsjaggedbreathing,andthegirlsnow
fastandforcefulthrusts.

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4

Chapter14
LustandLove

Beingwrongoncedoesntmeanyourenotallowedtomakeitrightthesecondtimearound.
Tiffanyassumesbutwherewouldthisleadthem?Shesalreadymarried,andwhenwesay
marriedwemeannewlywed,twoyearsyeahsurebutthatsstillconsideredasnewlywed.
Whatwouldthepeoplethink?Whatwouldherfathersay?WhatwouldKhunsparentsthink?
Whatwouldtheworldthink?AndwhataboutKhun?

Obviously she loves the guy, she wouldnt marry him otherwise but its just different with
Taeyeon.WithTaeyeonshecanbeherselfwithnoinhibitions,shecanbearagingbullone
second then be a gentle flower swaying in the wind the next and Taeyeon wouldnt mind
becausethegirlknowsherinsideout.Withonelook,onetouch,onewordtheyalreadyknow
whattheotheronewants.ShesdeeplyinlovewithTaeyeon,butshesafraidandshewishes
shewasnt.

Willsheeverfindthecouragetotakethisrisk?Sheasksherselfthoughsheknowstheanswer
sinceday1.

ShelooksatTaeyeon,deepintheeyesandseeshowmuchdamageshehaddone.Silently
mournstoherselffortakingawayandkillingapartofTaeyeon,apartshefailedtotakecareof
andwondersiftheresanywayshecouldmakeitrightagain.Hereyesslowlyfillwithguilty
tearsasherhandstraveltothesidesofTaeyeonscheeksandcupit,waitsforachanceand
kisses her hard, dominates the mouth above her, and advances on unbuttoning Taeyeons
blouse,thebuttonofherpants,undoesthezipper.

Taeyeonmoansintothesearingkissandmomentarilybreaksitofftocompletelyremoveher
pantsandwhatnotafterwardshelpingTiffanyremoveherclothesaswellandattackingthegirls
neck the moment their skins reunited. The sound of Tiffanys throaty purr sent Taeyeon to
nearlyreachherboilingpoint,thrustingharderthaneveragainstTiffanyscorenow,sheplaces
herhandsonthegirlschestandfondlesiteversogingerlywhilehertonguepleasuresthegirls
spotlessneck.

Cansomeonewhohassufferedrelentlesspainstilllovethepersonwhocausedsuchhurting?

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4

Cantheystillgiveitanothertry?

ImpatienthandsreachedTiffanyswomanhoodasshemoanedandgroanedinpleasure.Her
bodyseemstowanttogobacktosomeoneelsesfamiliartouch.Adigitdippedinsideofher,
Taeyeonstartstothrust,withtheirmouthsjustinchesapart,theyliterallybreatheachother.She
couldnt even describe how much euphoria shes in right now, not because shes claiming
Tiffanyagainafterhowmanyyearsbutthefactthattheywereabletorekindlethesparkalbeit
thisnightmayjustbenothingbutborrowedtime.
Andthattheresachancethatregretwillseepintomorrowmorningwhenthefogintheirhearts
andheadshavecleared.

ThenTiffanywouldgobacktohermarriedlife,andshedgobacktoYejin,ifthegirlwillstill
accepther,thatis.

Nevertheless,shesdeterminedtomakeitworthwhileforboththeirsakesassheslowlyplunges
another finger and watches how Tiffanys face cringes for a while, how she now bites her
alluringlipsandmakessoftmewlsofbliss,howshestuckshertongueoutandreachesfor
Taeyeonslipsastheyonceagainreunitetheirmouthsintoaswelteringkiss.Tiffanybuckles
herlowertorsoandkeepsupwithTaeyeonspace.

Ugh,Ahh,MhmmTaeUgh

TiffanygaspswitheachthrustthatdoesnothingbutfuelthefireinsideTaeyeon,stokesthe
hibernatingbeastwithinher.ThebeastthatwantstopleasureTiffanysobadshedkeepcoming
backtoTaeyeoneverynight,thebeastthatwouldgoallout,nonstopuntilTiffanyhashad
enoughuntilshecouldhearthatsweet,sweetsoundofhernamefromTiffanysmouthtelling
hertogofasterandharderasshecums.Thebeastthatwould,inTiffanysownterms,fuckher
sodamngood.Ithasbeenunleashed,theresnostoppingthebeast.

HerfingersandpalmsaresoakedwithhotandwetgleamingpiecesofTiffanyandeventhebed
sheetbeneaththem.Sunnywouldchokethelifeoutofheronceshefindsoutthattheyhadsex
inthishouse,inthisroomandonthisbedbutshecouldonlysmirkinhermindanddecidedto
worryaboutSunnysomeothertime.

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4

Canhetakeyoutoplaceslikethis?Canhepleasureyoubetterthanme?Youwantme,your
bodywantsme,andIcanfeelit.Shethought,itwascockyofher,butitwasthetruth.Itwaslust
andlovewiththelatterbeingmoreprominent.BecauseforTaeyeonitisntjustsex,itshow
theycommunicate,itswhenfeelingsaretoorawandtoooverwhelmingwordsjustdontdo
justicetoit,thisistheirconveyance.

Conveyanceofalovesostrong,wordsarentneeded.

Theireyesweremereslits,toosleazytobemarkedasconscious,theywerentmindful.They
werehighoncloud9witheachother,witheachothershotskinandmouthsandtongues,but
asidefromthat,theywerehighwiththekindofthrillonlytheirheartscouldgivetoeachother.

Theywantedrelease,yes.
Theywantedpleasure,verymuchso.
Theywantedconnection,definitely.
Theywantedeachother,soverybadly.

TiffanyclawsherfingernailsonTaeyeonsflawlessbackasthelatteryetagainaddsanother
fingerandpoundsthosethreedigitshard,fastanddeepinsideTiffanyshotandleakingcore.
Tiffanylocksherlegsaroundthegirlswaistandgyrateswiththerhythm,hashermouthlatched
ontoTaeyeonsshoulder,teethmarksmarredthegirlsskinandfingerstangledinherhair.

Audiblewhispersofpurelustandlovefillthehumidair.

Callitsexbutthisispureheaven.Thisishowitfeelstomakelovewithsomeonethatyoutruly
love.

Thebedcreakswitheveryplunge.Taeyeonslowsdown,feelsawarethattheyarenttheonly
oneinthehouse,thatthisisnotherapartmentnorTiffanys.ItfrustratesTiffany,pushesoffthe
girlaboveherjustalittlebittomakespaceastheynowsitonthebed,theircoreshotand
drippingwithanticipationasshepullsTaeyeonontopofher,Taeyeonsarmsaroundherneck,
andherownarmaroundthegirlswaist.

Tiff

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4

TaeyeonhuffsasshefeelstwoofTiffanysfingerssinkallthewayin.Shehasherarmsaround
thegirlsneckwhileTiffanyhasoneofherarmsholdingTaeyeonsbackfrombelow,herother
armwasdownbelow,coatedfingerssmoothlydisappearandreappear.Taeyeoncouldfeelher
own wetness reach her thighs, Fuck. She thought and started gyrating the moment Tiffany
addedathirddigitinsideher.TiffanyslipskisseditswaydownTaeyeonsthroat,chestwhere
hermouthtookinhalfofthegirlsleftbreastandwhirledhertonguearoundthepertnippleall
thewhilepoundinghardanddeepinsidethegirlwhileTaeyeoncooperatesbyslightlyspringing
upanddown.

Hng,Ugh

MurmuredTaeyeonasshekeptherpaceevenwithTiffanysrelentlessspeed,shecouldfeel
herselfcomingundone.ShekissedthetopofthegirlsheadwhileTiffanysuckedandfondled
bothofherbreastsusingonlyhermouth.Shekissedherforehead,hernose,andhercheeks.
Lips travelling to the girls ear where she nibbled Tiffanys lobe and sensually roamed her
tonguealloverit.

LipsblendtogetherintoascorchingalmosthypnotizingwithecstasykissasTiffanytookouther
fingers and Taeyeon instantaneously repositioned herself in alignment with the other girls
center.Armsandlegswrappedaroundeachothertheygrindtoandfro,lettingthemselves
mergeintoone,TaeyeonandTiffany,onecanneverbewithouttheother.

Ahh
Ugh
Mhm
Unf
Hng

And other cries of delight were voiced out in between their now slobberywithlust French
kisses.Theircoresclashandcollide,breakingthebarrierstheyputupintocrumblesinthat
space in Sunnys home where theyre bare and naked and as they claimed and gave
themselvestoeachotherwillfully.

Corespressedtogether,theypushashardastheycould,pleasurenubsrubbingagainsteach
other insuchfrictionuntil such timetheybothshiveredtotheirkneesand swallowed each
othersbreathofhelplessmoansthroughtheirkisses.

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4

Tiffanyblinksslowlyandsmilesather,placesapalmonhercheeks,thumbtracingnonsensical
linesonherface,Taeyeongrabsthehandonherfaceandadvancesforward,kissestheback
ofTiffanyspalmandgivesthoseeagerlipsaslowandtenderkiss.Thenightisslowlydyingas
theylayinbedinbulletsofsweat,Inthatmessybedandunkemptbedsheetstheirlegsare
tangled,hairtousled,armsoneachotherswaistandeyesneverleavingtheothertheydriftoff
tosleep,justliketheoldtimes.

Nowordswereneeded.

Chapter15
Herecomesmorepain

Thesilenceisntenough
Thesilenceisntenough
Thesilenceisntenough
Taeyeonthinksagainandagainasthepillowcradleshermattedandsweatyhair,herheadand
theinsideofherheadwhichatthismomentthinksofnothingelsesaveforthewomanshes
layingbesidewith.Shefeelsaheadacheabouttokickin.

Bothofthemarenakedandhaveseemtolosttheirbreaths,coulditbethatitvanishedintothin
airwhiletheyclaimedandclaimedandclaimedeachotherallthroughthenight?

Thesilenceisntenough,shethinksasherstubbornbrainreplaysthesoundofTiffanysvoicein
herveryears,tonguenibblingandlickingherlobes,whisperingwordsthatfuelherfurtherinto
pushingthegirltoherpeak,whichisexactlywhatTiffanywanted,orsoshethinks.Imeanthey
wouldnthavedoneitwithoutmutualagreementright?

Timeisoftheessenceastimeisquicklyslippingaway,justafewmorehoursandthesuns
rayswillstreamthroughtheroomsmistywhitecurtainandeverythingwillbecrystalclear,at
leastforTiffanymaybe,becauseTaeyeonthinksthatafterthis,afterthissocalledclosuresex
orwhatever,theycanfinallyleavethepastbehindandcontinuewithlifethoughdeepdownshe
knowsshecouldntdothatanymore.

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Thethrobinherheadgraduallybuildsup,shesquaresherjawandtriestofocuscontrollingitas
thoughshehasmagicalpowersbutitonlygrowsstrongertheminutearealizationsinksin.The
realizationthatshehasfailedherlifelongmissionofgettingoverTiffanyforsheistooweak,
toovulnerable,tooentrancedandnowshewondershowshellmoveforwardaftercatapulting
backtosquareonestartstosinkin.

Shelooksatthesleepingfacebesideherandthescenewantstomakehercry,youngtears
wellinhereyesatthesightoftheonlywomanshehaseverloved.Tiffanyalwayslookso
peacefulwhilesleeping,itmightbetoomuchtoconcludebutshesalmostangelic,withherface
borderingseriousnessandtranquility,hermediumlengthlashesframingherclosedlidstoher
ever pointy nose seemed like awork of some divine being, although it really is, andthose
gloriouslipslooksveryrosyandswolleneven.

Howmanytimeshavetheykissedlastnight?

Shecouldntremember,theymustvekissedalotforshecouldntfeelherownlipsthatvery
momentandblotchesofredtopurplemarkswerealloverTiffanysneckandshoulders,she
peekedonherselfandsawbiggeronesonherchestareadownbelowthestomachandather
sides.

ThewomanunconsciouslytightensherholdaroundTaeyeonswaistandsnugglesherface
furtherintothegirlsneck,shebreathsin.

Air

Breathes in the inevitable air that is Taeyeon, the air that she breathes in but could never
breatheout,itstaysinsidenomatterwhatshedoes.Nomatterhowmanyphilosophicalnorms
shedforcedintothatbrainofhers,itjustcouldntoutshinetherealitythatnootherguycould
giveherasmuchassatisfactionandasmuchloveasTaeyeon.Andsothiswasit,herown
realizationcametwoyearslateorshouldIsaywassuppressedfortwoexcruciatingyears.

TaeyeoncranksuptheAC,pullsthesheetsuptotheirnecks,holdsTiffanycloseranddozes
off, savoring their shared warmth, savors the remaining borrowed time left in this damned
borrowedfantasy.

Afantasythatcouldvebeenherreality.

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4

***

Whenshewokeup,Tiffanywasstaringather.

Tellmehowgoodthemorningwouldbeifthathappenedtoyou.Tellmeifyoudbelieveyoure
stilllivingintherealworldwhenlastnight,afterhopelesslyandtorturouslywaitingforsomeone
finallycomestoyouandmakespassionatelovetoyouallthroughthenightlikeawild,hotand
botheredbeastsuddenlysetfreeoutofitscage.

Wouldyoubelieve?

Andthenyousleepthenightwithcontentyetfeeluncertainoftomorrow,ifshellbetherelaying
besideyou,youwakeupandyes,shesstilltherelookingatyouthisverymoment.

Wouldyoubelieve?

SheuttersthewordsIloveyousomuch,Imsorryandclaimsyourlips;youdontevenhave
theslightesttimetoprocessherwords.

Whatdoesthatmean?

Isshestaying,Issheleavingmeagain?

Howlongwassheawakeandstaringatme?

DidIdrool?

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4

DidSunnyseeus?

Youcannotmakesenseofitallbecausehermouthishotagainstyoursandyoudontgivea
damnanymoreifyouhaventbrushedyourteethorwashedyourfacebecauseTiffanystongue
slipsinandmergeswithyourown.

Ifyouwereme,wouldyoubelieve?

TiffanygivesTaeyeonasecondtogaspforairbeforepressingherlipsagainsthers.Likea
snake,shewrapsherthighsaroundthegirlswaistandpullsherselfcloseruponhavingher
targetlocked.Taeyeonjustwokeupandmaystillbehavingearlymorningretardationforshe
doesntknowwhattodonext,andwhatsblissfullyworsewasthatTiffanygrabsTaeyeons
handsandputsinonherchestherself,asiftosay,thisiswhatyoucallfondlingandwhatwere
havingnowisforeplay,alittlelaterwellbehavingmorningsex.Ithypedthegrowingthrill
insidetheoldergirl,andshedidntneedtobeinstructedfurtherasherhandsmovedonitsown.

Whatmorningdoestopeople,Taeyeonthinksandsilentlythankswhoeversresponsibleforthis
earlyblessing.

Inablinkofaneye,Tiffanysontopofhermakinghotfrictionastheirfamiliartorsosmetina
heatedgyration,likeshewasdesperateforarelease?ForTaeyeonsrelease?Isthissomekind
ofaguilt/partingsexwhatsoever?Taeyeonstrieshardtoformcoherentthoughtsbutstruggles
halfway for reasoning popped like a bubble as the slickness and wetness of the womans
tonguetravelleddownherthroat,toherclavicleandthenarrowvalleybetweenherbreasts.

***

Itwasallperfectuntiltheyheardavoice.
Sunny?Heyhowareyou?

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4

Khun?!Wwhatanicesurprise,whatbringsyouhhere?Sunkyustammered.Panicandalarm
wereevidentinhervoice.

Areyouokay?YoulookpaleSunny.

Whowouldntbepalewhenyourfriendshusbandismilesawayfromaroomwherehiswifeis
fuckingherpastloverwhohappenstobeawomanaswell?

Ohthefuckedupthingsthathappentopeople.

Lustdisappearedfasterthanyoucouldsayheyasthetwoofthemcrammedtogetdressed
andlookpresentableintheleast.WhatifKhunsuddenlycomesbarginginwhentheyrenot
evenfinisheddressingandfinishedingeneral?

Theregoestheirrelease.

Clockistickingastheycombedthefloorfortheirclotheswhichwerebadlycrumpled,itwould
besuchanamazingthemeforaphotoshootthough,withthetwooftheminlingerieandbed
hair,howmuchwouldNylonmagazineandVoguepayforthis?

Nevertheless,itwaspricelessbecausethisisntsomephotoshoot,thisisreallife,realfeelings
andrealeventsarehappening.Inasecond,someoneslifewillchangeforeverbutwhoknowsif
itsforthebetter?

Taeyeonrushedtothecomfortroomandslammedthedoorshutasshestrugglestoplacethe
buttonofherpantswhichsheworehastilyalongwithhertshirtwhichwashalfwaydone,liquid
poursdownhercheeksasthethoughtsinksin.Thethoughtthatshedoesntfuckingdeserve
thiskindoftreatment,thisfuckeduppullme/pushmethingwithTiffany,shedoesntdeserveto
betreatedlikealikeamistress,anoptionwhenshehadgivenTiffanynothingbutherfull
undividedloveanddevotion.

Itmadeherthinkifshehaddoneanothermistakebydoingthis,anotherthingtomournfor,for
what?6or7yearsofherlife?Shelooksatherselfinthebathroommirrorandselfpitybleeds
fromwithin.Howdidsheturnfrombeingtheconfident,indifferentandfeistywomanlastnightto
thisseeminglydisorientedwomanwithtearstainedface,tousledhair,andunkemptclothes?
Sheballsherfistandbitesonitwhileshesobsherheartout,shehasbeensobbingforaslong
asshecouldremember.

13
4

Maybeshewasplayed,shewasused,andshewasbetrayedforthesecondtime.Ormaybe
shewasnt?Maybethisissomekindofblessingindisguise?

Shedoesntknowwhattothink,shehadlosthope.

Heysweetie,whyareyoulikethat?Toomuchpartyinglastnight?hejokesandTiffanycould
onlyforceasmile,goodthingherdisheveledhairandblousegotalongtogethermakingthered
blotchesonherneckinvisible.

HeyKhun,whydontIshowyouaroundfirst?SunnyinquiresthenshotsTiffanyaknowing
look.

Uhhyeah,IneedtofinishchangingtoosoTiffanyquips,headdown.

Alrightthen,comeoutwhenyouredonehesays,lightlykissingTiffanyshead.

Itmadehimstopforawhile.Didyoubuyanewperfume?Yousmelldifferenthesays.

WhathesmeltwasntTiffany,itwasTaeyeon.

Youknowwhat,nevermind,itactuallysmellsgood.Hesaid.

YouhavetoseemykitchenareaSunnydraggedhimoutpromisinghimsomehomemade
sandwichtodiverthisattention.

***

ThedoorsclosedandTiffanypracticallydashestowheretheothergirlis.Thebathroomdoor
opensasTiffanyforcesherwayin,pushesTaeyeonagainstthewallandkissesherwithallshe

13
4

has.TaeyeonthrashesaboutasshetriestobreakfreefromTiffanysgraspbutthelatterhad
engulfedherfullyfromthefront.

TaeyeonsobsandwhimpersassheusesherfiststopushTiffanyaway,poundingonthegirls
shoulders.Hervulnerabilityisatitspeak.

NnostopituhmpIsaidenoughstop!sheprotestsinbetweentheclashingoftheir
lips, her tears start to wet Tiffanys cheek but the girl kisses Taeyeon without the intent of
stoppinganytimesoon,sheslipsherhandsbeneaththegirlsshirtandwrapsitaroundher
torso,embraceshersotightthatthelattersribcagecouldvecrackedinaninstant.

Sheforceshertonguein,grabsTaeyeonslithearmsandsmashesittothewall,bythesideof
her faceto stop her from whipping around and draws their bodies the closest it could get,
bosomssquashedagainsteachother,TiffanycreatesawhirlwindinsideTaeyeonsmouthto
silence the girls pleas through roughand hardkisses andthewarmthof her arms snaked
aroundthegirlswaistuntilTaeyeonsforcefullashingoutslowlyturnintoasoftsurrender.

Theirtonguesmeldtogetherlikehotfireoniron,theirloveiswhathammersthemintoasingle
entity,asharpedgedswordthatcanbeuseeithertoprotectortokill.

Whatwillitbe?

Iloveyou

No,youdont.Causeifyoudo,wewouldntbehidinginthisTaeyeonlooksaroundtheroom
withathwartedface.
insomeoneelsesbathroommakingout,andyouwouldnthavearingonyourfingeraswell,
sono.YoudontlovemeTiffany.

Ido!Tiffanyrallieswithanunexpectedshout;Taeyeon,whosehandswerewrappedaround
herneck,dismantlesonetocoverTiffanysmouthandinstructshertolowerhervoice.

Tiffanybitesherlipsandmurmursitagain.

13
4

Ido

Thenwhyisitsohardforyounottobewithmehuh?challengedTaeyeon.

Itsjust
***
ImsureTiffanywillbehereanymomentnowTheyheardSunny,basicallybecauseThegirl
singsongedquitelouderthanusualasawarningforthem.

Taeyeon,outoffrustrationanddesperation,bangedherheadbackwardsagainstthewalland
groaned.

Taetae!Dont!Tiffanyscolded,facescrunchedinworry.

LookatmeTiffanyheldherbythefacewhilecaressingthebackofTaeyeonsheadwhich
shehadknockedonpurpose.

Brushingthefreshbatchoftearsthatemerged,TiffanysaysNomatterwhathappens,Please
rememberthis,Ihavetrulylovedyou,andIstilldo,IloveyouverymuchTaeyeon,very.much
shewhispersintoTaeyeonsmouthassheherselfstartedcryingwhiletheygaveeachothersoft
pecksoverandoveragainuntiltherewasnochoicebuttoletgoofTiffanysplumplips.
WowthatssomenewhouseSunnysgottheredontyouthink?
Huh?Ugh,yeah

Verybacheloretteapproachwiththeinteriordesignandstuff,Imustcommendherforthat.

IcertainlylikedthefactthatshehasWhirlpoolsnewestrefrigerationunitandcustommade
even!Damn,maybeweshouldpurchaseoneforourkitchentoo,whichdoyoulikebetter?The
onewiththebuiltinwaterdispenserortheotheronewithanadvancedfreezingtechnology?

13
4

Tiff?Honey,youokay?Youseemoff

Imjustprobablytired,Imofftobed.

Oh,alright,joinyouinawhileIfhehadntknownbetter,hedthoughtTiffanypurposelybacked
awaybeforehecouldkissher.Hedidntgetanyresponseafterthat,savefortheshuttingofthe
bedroomdoor.

That same night he had himself inside her and Tiffany felt disgusted though she couldnt
comprehendwhy,hesherhusbandafterallandthisisntthefirsttimetheyvedoneitsowhy
thesuddenrepugnance?Itseemedoff,somethingdidntfeelright.Unbeknownsttohim,ashe
pusheshimselfin,TiffanysilentlyshedstearsasshefantasizesofTaeyeonwhilehedoeshis
business.Eachmoanandwhimper,thepainandthepleasureshecriesoutareforTaeyeon,
sheknowsitspreposterouslysinfultomakelovetoyourspousethenthinkofanotherbutshe
cantjustletitgo,thethingsthathappenedbetweenherandTaeyeon,itsnotthateasy.

Itwasnevereasythatswhyshefoundanescaperoutebymarryinghimhopingthatitwould
surfacethenormalcybackinherlifebuteverythingisstartingtobackfirenowandshesleft
thinkingifsheshouldregretherdecisiontomarry.

Chapter16
ThefinalchoiceMiraclesinDecember

Wantanotherbeer?

Whynot?

SunkyuthrowsheracannedCoorsfromthekitchenasshewasrummagingforsomethingto
snackon;Taeyeoncatchesitwithonehand.

13
4

Nicecatch

DontwantmyLApitchtrainingtogotowaste

Theychuckled.

TaeyeonhasbeencampingoutatSunkyushomedaysafterthatfatefuleventbetweenherand
Tiffany,itwasthereshecriedherheartoutuntilithurtnomore,itwasthereshehadasked
Sunkyu the same questions over and over again until, she herself deciphered the answer.
Sunkyudidntmind,shewasalwayssoveryhospitabletoeachmember,probablybecausethey
treateachotherasfamilyandnotjustmerecoworkersyoumandatoryneedtogetalongwith.

TheysatcrossleggedonthecouchasSunkyucasuallyswigsfromherbeer,shemakesa
sideways glance at Taeyeon whose eyes were frozen and soulless staring into the TV but
obviouslyoblivioustowhatshappeningtowhateverTVsitcomtheywerewatching.

Yourenotokay,areyou?

IdontthinkIlleverbeokay,well,IdliketobelieveIwouldbutofcourseinduetime,but
definitelynotnow,nottoday,noteventomorrow.Sheanswers,andsmiles.Sunkyuguessesif
itsasadsmilemeanttocomplimentheranswerorifitsbecauseoftheTvCommercialabout
babydiapersthatsuddenlyaired,showcasingbabybutts.

Hyoraengisnotansweringherphone;doyouknowwheresheis?Shesaidshedcomebya
littleafter8,itsbeenanhour.theshorteroneinquired.

SheprobablycanthearitthroughtheblastingstereosinaclubsomewhereTaeyeonanswers
aftersippingherdrink.

Ah,problemswithoppamaybe?

Maybe,theyvebeenonaroughpatchlately,fromwhatIveheardfrommaknae,Hyoyeon
needstime.

13
4

Isee,butthenagain,relationshipsarentalwaysallsugarright?Youhavegottohavesome
spice.

TouchsaidTaeyeonasshepointedafingerintheair.

Suddenly,Sunkyusphonewentblinking;therewasanincomingcallfromYuri.

Hiyaheveryone!saidthegirl.

Hey,whatthehellareyouuptotoday?

TaeyeonlookedatSunnyandmouthedaquestionwhetheritwasYuriornot,Sunkyuconfirmed
herassumptionbynodding.

Aish, you make it sound like Im in deep trouble or something the other one on the line
complained.

Youarealwaysintrouble,thelastonewasntevencompletelycaseclosedyouknowthegirl
reprimanded in which Yuri answered by whining on the phone. It was about the issue that
surfacedyearsago,abouttwofemaleactressesvyingforherattention,sendinghergiftsand
followingtowhichevercountrytheirworldtourwouldbe,thecompanyhadtoask,ofallpeople,
Jessicatosimmerthingsupwithahunkymemberofsomekpopgrouptodivertthepeoples
attention.

itwashardonSicayouknow,consideringyouguysdatedandwaithangon,Illtransferthis
tovideocall,andsomeonewantstosayhitoyou,justasecond

Aftertappingsomebuttons,Sunkyuliftedherphoneupintheairandflunganarmarounda
suddenlychokingTaeyeon.

Yah!thetallerofthemscreamedandcoughed.

Ourdearfriendrighthere,isonceagain,painstakinglybrokenhearted.SaidSunkyuinwhich
Taeyeonrespondedbyrollinghereyesatthestatement.

13
4

Yeah,whatsnewwiththat?Yuriquippednonchalantly,eyesfeigningboredomasshefakeda
yawn.

Yah!Youblackgirl!

Whoareyoucallingblack,youverticallychallengedbeing

YAH!

Carefulnottogetmadattimes,theysayitcandwindleyourheightfurtherYuriteasedand
snickered.Taeyeonmumbledafewincoherentwordsbutsmilednonetheless.

Okay,enoughwithkindergartenchildsplay,Yuriah,whereareweofftoforyourbirthdaynext
week?WehavetomakeearlyreservationssinceChristmasisrightaroundthecorner.

ThetwokeptconversingasTaeyeonwaslefttoherthoughts.Shewantedtocry,joyfultears
thistime,forshehastheseamazinglygenerousfriendsbackingherupeverytimetheworld
betraysher,shehasthesesistersfromanotherlifetimethatwouldhelpandunderstandher.
SheknewYuriwasntcallingjustfortheheckofit,shesawatextawhileagowhileSunkyuwas
busylookingforsnacks,thegirlsphonelitupandamessagedpoppedoutfromYuriaskingif
Taeyeonhadalreadygonebackhometoherapartmentsafely.

Shethoughtifherphonewasntdead,shedreceivedhundredsandthousandsoftextsand
missedcallsbynow,shelooksatSunkyuwhowastalkinganimatedlyabouthoweggsand
strawberriesgotogetherforappetizerandagrimacingYurisayingdontruinmypartybyyour
weirdfoodsuggestions.

Andshesmiles,thinksthatmaybethestormhaspassedandshehassurvived,thatloveisntall
abouthavingTiffany,thatyoucanbecontentedwiththeloveyourreceivefromyoursocalled
friends,shesluckyshesgot8ofthose,still8becauseitisnearimpossibleforhertodisregard
herfriendshipwithTiffany,despitetheirhistory.Andshethinksthatitsjustamatterofstanding
upandmovingforward,lettimehealallwoundsandhopeforthebetter.

Likethemoltingofasnake,youleavetheoldandscarredskinsomewhereandletanewshiny
onegrow.

13
4

***
Whenshefinallywenthomeafteraweek,sheexpectedherhousetobeincompletedusty
disaster,notthatshethoughtajiltedYejinwouldtrashherapartment,buttheresaglint of
possibilitytothat,shesjustthankfulthatYejin,despiteheragewasverymuchlevelheaded.

Itwasinthesamearrangementasshelastsawit,herbedwasmade,herwardrobewasneat,
thecarpetswerevacuumed,andthesinkwasemptyofdirtydishesalthoughherfridgewas
unluckilydrainedofanyfood.Shemadeanotetogogroceryshoppingtomorrowormaybe
nowsnotabadtimeforthat,whydosomethinglaterwhenyoucandoittoday,shethoughtand
startedheadingforthefrontdooronceagainwhensuddenly,thelocksturnedandincame
Yejin,cladinawintercoat,holdingabagofgroceries.

So much for groceryshopping, Taeyeon surprisingly thought but couldnt deny the puzzling
feelingofjoythemomentshesawthegirlsface.Thatthegirldidntleaveherdespiteallthe
crapsheputherthrough,somepatiencethatgirlhas.

Yyoureback

Ummyeahsorryfornotinformingyouaboutmyerrhibernation

Itsokay,Sunnyunniemessagesmefromtimetotime.

Ah,Isee

IboughtsomestuffsYejinsaid,nowenteringtheroom.

You shouldnt have, let me help advanced Taeyeon, arms gingerly grabbing the bag of
groceriessettledontheyoungergirlsarmslettinghertakethecoatoffandslipinintoapairof
houseflipflops.

Theywereinchesapart,Yejintensedandsodidtheotherone.Theyhaventseeneachother
foraweekandtheirlastpartingwasntverymuchjubilant,sotosay.

Theyremainedfrozenforamomentbeforethelattercompletelytoreherarmsawaycarryinga
generoussizedpaperbagandsettlingitatopherkitchentable.

13
4

Thanksforthese,howmuchdiditcost?asksTaeyeonasherhandsandeyessearchforher
wallet.

Noneed

Noseriously,Iwasabouttogooutandgetsomestuffsanyway,andImsorryfortroublingyou,
soreally,letmepayforthese

Yejinsighedandhandedoutareceipt.

Wouldyoulikecarbonaraormeatballspaghettifordinner?Youhaventhaddinner,haveyou?
Taeyeonqueriesasshesortsoutthecontentsandnowcomparesacreamofmushroomsauce
andtomatosauce.

Yejinsearsprickedandheadshotup,couldntbelieveTaeyeonwasabletomaskawaythe
tensionandbecasualwithher,sinceshereallydidntknowwhethertheybrokeupornotafter
shestormedoutofSunnyshousewarmingparty.

Ihaventhadsuppershemeeklyansweredandfeltembarrassedandguiltyforareason
shedidntknow.Itsnotlikeshewastheonewhomadeaditchafterseeingherfirstlove.

ChickenorHam?

Chickenplease

ChickenCarbonaraitis

Yejinsmiled,almostteary,knowingthatitwasntover.Theywerentover.

Thatsamenight,TaeyeonhadthegutstopoureverythingouttoYejin.Fromtheeventsthat
followedaftershewalkedouttoNichkhunarrivingatSunkyushouseandeverythingelsein
between,theybothknewitwouldhurtbuttheywouldntbeabletostartanewifeverythingsin
theshadows.

13
4

Theyhadlearnedhowtobehonest,evenifthenakedtruthstingslikeacidonskin.

***

8monthslater

Thesurroundingsarefilledwithfestivities,thereareornamentsanddecorsofgreenandred,
glitters of gold and silver, the air is filled with chiming music of seemingly angelic voices
celebratingthebirthofayoungone.Amildsnowdecoratesthesidewalksaspeoplegoabout
theirbusinesswithhugesmilesontheirfaces.

PeoplegreetoneanotherMerryChristmaswithasinceresmilethoughtheyretalkingtoa
completestranger.Everyoneskinderandhappier.Theworldbecomesthebestplacetolivein
wheneveritsChristmas,itsalwaysadayofmiracles.

TheChristmasspiritcontinuestoseepinasagroupoffriendshuddletogetherinJessicasvast
villa,theywerehavingasmallpicnicbeforeChristmasEve.Seohyuniscarryingaplateoffinger
sandwichesfromthekitchen;sheplacesitonthepicnictableinthebackyard,smilingallthe
wayassheseesthetwogluttonsofSNSDplayfightyetagain,andshewonderswhyshesthe
maknaeofthegroup.

Doyouthinkmyhairlooksnice?asksSooyoungtoYoona,flauntinghershortlightbrownhair.

Notheotheroneblatantlyanswered,althougheveryoneknewthiswasjustpurehorseplay.

OhCmon!Dontyouknowhowtosuckuponyourunniesassforsomeawesomebenefitsin
return?

Benefitsmeaning?

13
4

Meaningfreefoodofcourse,andmovieticketsorgiftcertificates,notjustinKoreathough,I
haveonesyoucanuseinJapan.

IthinkIcanhavethosewithallmyCFsrightnow

Ohwow, air head alert, someone please pop that balloon of a head you have Sooyoung
retorted,standingupeven,convincingtheotherpeopleintheroomtodoexactlywhatshehad
said.

Kiddingunnie,nowaboutthosefreefoodyouhavecooedagrinningYoona,clingingonto
Sooyoungsslenderarmsandgivingherthepuppylook.

Theyalllaughed.

Hi,sorrywerelate,didwemissanythingworthy?apologizedTaeyeoninthemiddleoftaking
hercoatoffwithYejintailingbehind.Theywerewearingthesamesweaterbutwithdifferent
designsandcolors.

WowTaengoo,youmakeitsoundlikewedononsensicalthingsinheresaidYuri.

Thatswhatwevebeendoingforthepasthour,Yuri.Jessicasaid.

Aww,notyoutoofrownedtheothergirlandtheyalllaughedonceagain.

AndsaythattotheirmatchingChristmassweaterswhistledSunkyu,chucklingafterwards.

Itwasheridea,notmineTaeyeondefendedherselfwithascowl,Yejinloopedherhands
aroundherarmsandsmiledather,toldhertostopfrowning.

Andthatshedid.

Taeyeontookabiteoffasandwichandclosedhereyes,moaningalittle.

13
4

OhmyGod,thesearegreat,whomadethese?sheasked,chewingonamouthful.

NotJessica,thatsforsureinterjectedHyoyeoninwhichJessicaansweredbygivinghera
frostyglare,theformerwasntthreatenedobviously,andsheevenstuckhertongueout.

You should give this a try coaxed Taeyeon, holding out a piece of sandwich, Yejin was
hesitantatfirst,consciouslyglancingovertotheotherpeoplewhowerelookingatthemwiththe
awwwwlookintheireyes,sheblushedandtookabite.

TheirjovialcelebrationswentonandYejinwasconfidentenoughtogominglewiththeothers,
leavingTaeyeontohavesomegirltalkwiththeothermembers.

HeySica,whatsup?

Sameold,sameoldJessicaglancedatthepersonshestalkingto,fixedastrandedhairby
tuckingitneatlybehindthegirlsear.

Youlookvibrant,Taeyeonah

Idonthavethatmuchmoneytoday,youknowTaeyeonjoked.Jessicaplayfullyhitherbythe
arm,Taeyeonwinced.

DontthinkIhaventnoticedthewayyoulookatYuri

OhpleaseSunkyualreadygavemealectureaboutthat,dontfollowherfootsteps.

Sunkyulikestonagalot,doesnt she?Taeyeonstatesastheydrinkfromtheircups,her
companionnodsalong.

Heradviceusuallyturnsouttobethegoodonesanswerstheotherone.

Truethat

13
4

Amidstthethrowingofbreadcrumbspresentlyhappeningatthepicnictable,Sunkyu,having
sensed twopairs of eyes burning her whole being, looked up to seeTaeyeon and Jessica
eyeingherdotingly.ShegrimacedandvoicedoutanaudibleWAE.

Theduoonlylaughedather.

Sica,theyrebullyingmeYuricomesupatherfrowninglikeakid.Jessicarufflesthelatters
hair.

Sincewhendidyoubecomethebulliedone?sheteasesevenmore.Ashrillringingecho
throughoutthevillaandJessicastornbetweenreceivingtheguestorstayingbyYurissideuntil
Taeyeondecidestostepinandgetthedoorforher.

YurisitsbesideasilentJessica,inwhichthelatterleansherheadontotheformerssturdy
shoulders.

Howsunnie?Sicainquires.

Iguesswithallyourmodelingappointmentsoverseas,youhaventheardofusbreakingup
huh?Well,well,ouriceprincessisbusyearningmillions;treatmeouttosomedonkatsusome
time,willya?

Sheboltedup.

Youguys,brokeup?Why?When?

Takeiteasyonthequestions,sweetheart,myheartswelfaremaydeteriorateinaminute.
Yurijoked,snortingabit.

Yuriah

Thatgentlevoicewasenoughtosignalherthatshesinthisseriouslyandsosheconfessed.

13
4

UnniesreallygreatandIkindoflearnedhowtolovehertoo.Shesprettyandtalentedandshe
lovesme,butthereareconflictswerecentlyfoundout

Conflictslike?

Areyouinterrogatingme?Yuriseyebrowwentupandaplayfulsmirkwasvisible.

Justanswerme

Yurisighedindefeat.Fine,youknow,sincewerebothfamousandall,thoughshelovesme,
shewantedustobethetraditionalhiddencouplefortherestofourlives,meaningwedstill
marrymenandhavekidsbutwedstillbelovers,usualroutineforLGBTQinthiscountry.

OhmyGodYuriJessicawastednotimeandhuggedhertight.

Chill,itsbeenwhat?Sixmonthslateforthatconsolation

ImreallysorrytohearthatJessicasaidandheldYurishand,fingerslaced.

Plus

Pluswhat?

Plus,IthinkIhaventbeencompletelyoversomeone

Youhadanothergirlfriend?!Didyoucheat?!

Nope,shewasthefirstoneIhad,andIcantforgether.Yurisaidinaserioustone,eyes
boldlylookingatJessica,burningher.

Jessicaflustered,shecouldhearherheartbeatteemingwithhopeandthinksmaybeloveis
sweeterthesecondtimearound,thatmaybe,maybethistimetheycouldmakeitwork.

13
4

Shesnotcompletelyoveryouaswellsheanswered,Yuriscootedcloserandsidehuggedthe
girlwhileJessicatookthischancetosnugglewiththegirltheclosestshecouldget.

***

Withasmile,Taeyeonopensthedoorandwasgreetedbyaheartstoppingsmilesheknewall
toowell.Boththeirsmilesdisappearedastheystareateachotherforthelongesttime,notwith
annoyanceoruneasiness,juststaringcuriouslyateachotherspairoffamiliarorbs.Slowly,little
smilesreappearintheirfaces;TaeyeonwasthefirstonetogiveherafullsmilebeforeTiffany
letsherbarriersdownandengulfsherinalongingembrace.

Comeon,everyoneswaitingforyouTaeyeonsaysandgrabsherhand,draggingherintothe
backyard, halfway there they meet Yejin who emerged from the kitchen, after disposing an
emptyplateoffingersandwiches.TiffanystopsandstiffensbutTaeyeonencouragesher,Yejin
givesTiffanyasinceresmileandwalkstowardthem.

Unnie,howhaveyoubeen?shegreetsandgivesheracheektocheekkiss.

Tiffany,alittlebitbewildered,lookedbackatTaeyeonfeelingunsure,butTaeyeonwaswearing
anamusedsmileonherface.Shenoticedthematchingsweatersanddeducedthatthetwo
mayhaveironedouttheirdisagreements.Shefelthappyforthemsomehow,butnotcompletely,
therewasvoiceinsideherthatwillalwaysclaimTaeyeonashers,thoughsilently.

Im...Imdoingokay,thanksforasking,howaboutyou?IsawthenewsonTV,congratulations
onlandingthefemalespotforMBCsnewTvseries.

Thankyouunnie Yejin answeredandinsteadofgettinginbetweenthem,sheopttostay

besideTiffanyassheloopedarmswithherandmadetheirintothebackyardwhereineveryone
didachorusofloudgreetingsthemomenttheysawTiffany.

So,howslife?initiatedTaeyeonastheysatdownonawoodenloveseatswingtocatchup
withlife,TiffanywasverypersistentonaskingifitwasfinewithYejinwhichTaeyeonconfirmed
forthenthtime.

Andsotheysatandswung.

13
4

Soso,you?Youlookgreat;didyouchangeyourhair?

Nah,minejustgrew,Sooyoungstheonewhochangedherdo,andshesbeenflauntingitto
ourfaceseversinceshegothereThebothofthemlaughed.Taeyeonsawthesilverringand
noddedtoherselfbeforeasking.

HowsKhun?

IttookafewsecondsforTiffanytorespond.

Fanyah,itsokay,dontbesojumpyaboutit,Ivemovedon,weveallmovedon,Itwashardat
first,butyouknowme,IcandoanythingaslongasIhavetheinitiative,Ijustgottiredfromallof
itanddecidedtobehappyTaeyeonheldherhand.

youwillbeforeverengravedinmyheartandnobodycouldeverreachthatdepthinsidemy
heart,Iwillneverforgetnorstoplovingyoubecausehonestly,Icantdothat,Ihavelovedyou
fromtheverystart,butIvealsorealizedthatIcantalwaysgetwhatIwantandthatIshould
valuewhatIhavethatmomentsheglancedatYejinandsmiled.

thatgirlmakesmehappytooyouknow,itwouldbegreatifitwasyoubutlikewhatIvesaid,
itdoesntalwayshavetobemyway,Iwantyouandyouknowthat,butmaybeYejinstheone
thatIneed.Shesmiled.

Taeyeonah,yourereallyagrownwomannow,ImimpressedAtearyeyedTiffanysaid.

IdalsoliketoapologizeforbeingsuchacowardandnotfightingforwhatIfeelforyou,but
youknowIcherishyoualotandImessupandIdontwanttodothattoyou,Idontwanttohurt
youbecauseyouretoopreciousformetolosesoitsbettermaybethatthoughIcangraspyou
wholly,Ijustkeepyouatarmsreach.AndIloveyou,verymuch,youknowthatright?she
said,tearsnowfallingfromhereyes.

Ido,andIloveyoutooandwellstayfriendsnomatterwhatTaeyeonansweredsnifflingas
shewipedawayTiffanystearsandkissedherforehead.

13
4

Theclosurewasfinallydone.

Comeonnow,Imhungry,letsgobackbeforeChoiandImfinishallthefoodshereachedout
forTiffanyshandandtogethertheyranbacktothepicnicarealikethekidstheyareinside.

The clock had struck twelve and the feast they had been preparing was complete and
scrumptiouslylaidoutonJessicaslongpicnictable.

OntherightsideofthebenchwereYuriandJessica,sharingaplate.YoonaandSeohyun
talkingabouttheformersnewactionpackedTVseriesasSeohyunremindshernottobetoo
hyperastopreventanyaccidents,andSunkyuwhowasmakingavideocallwithherparents,
HyoyeonwouldinterfereattimesandsayMerryChristmasomonimtoSunnysmother.

OntheothersidewereSooyoungbusilypickingouteachkindoffoodtherewasonthetable,
TiffanywasinbetweenTaeyeonandYejinbutthecoupledidntseemtomind,theywantedher
toknowandfeelthatthereshouldntbeanyreasontofeeltensedaroundthemanymore.

Id like to make a toast for this years Christmasand another year of our super awesome
friendshipsaysJessica,liftingawineglassaseveryoneliftedtheirandglassesclankedhere
andthere.

MERRYCHRISTMAS!theyallsaid.

Guyslookhere,comeonImgoingtopostthisonInstagramTaeyeonsaidassheheldouther
phonethehighestshecould.

Onthree,one,two,threesaykimchi!

Asnapanditwasdone,Itwasapictureofallofthem,smilingwidelyanddorkily.Taeyeon
madeithernewwallpaperanduploadedinonasocialmediasitewishingallthesonesand
peoplearoundtheworldaverymerryChristmas.

Sometimes,ifnotmostofthetime,whenpartedwithsomeonewhomyouweredeeplyattached
with, the feeling of familiarity never goes away, no matter how many years may pass the

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memoriesofthegoodolddayswhenyouwereyounger,immatureandinsensitivelivesvividly
insideyourmind.Thosewerethedaysyoufeltmostalive.

TaeyeonhasalotofthosegoodolddayswithTiffany,imaginelivingwitheachotherforalmost
halfofyourlives,evencoupleswhodivorcedaftertenortwentyyearsofmarriagecannotjust
simplydetachthemselvesfromeachotherright?Theresalwaysthatonefaintyetvisiblelink
thatbondsthemtogether,whenyoumeetpeople,youoccupyachapterintheirlife;itsupto
youonhowyoufillthatchapter.

WithTaeyeonandTiffany,achapterisntenough.Theirswouldbeabookfullofglowingyouth,
ofhardshipsandtriumph,oftearsandsmiles,ofhappyandsaddays,ofexcruciatingpain,of
jiltedjealousy,ofpassionatelustandheartfeltcareandextraordinaryfriendshipbutmostofall,
its all about love, a love so true that words in this mere fanfic couldnt even get close to
explaining.

*Note:Thiswouldbethenontaenyending

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Chapter17
ThefinalchoiceAllendswell

Marriage is worth the pain if love is present. Then again, we humans are very foolish and
simplemindedcreaturesbelievingthatasuddenflurryofflutterwouldlastaneternity.

Therewasaloudbangthatresoundedinthecaf,allheadsturned.

Herfacecouldntbeanymoreredderandhisnostrilswereflaring,angrytearssuppressitself
fromfalling.

Closinghiseyes,heheaved.Theotherpatronswerestaringatthemnow,gossiping,hecould
heartheirmouthsbuzzingwithwordsthatwillprobablyturntonewstomorrowonTV,printed
mediaandalloverblogsites.

Thequiveringwaitressscamperedtocleantheshatteredpiecesoffinechinaandspiltcoffee.

Howcouldyou

Itried,believeme,Itried,fortwolongyears,Ididtry.

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Andyet?What?Soyoudecideyouwanttotryexperimentingwithmarriagelikehotriceand
whenyougetburnt,youspititout?Whataboutmyfeelings?DidyoueverconsiderhowIwould
feel?HowallthistimeIvegivenyouallmy

Hestoppedandlookedaround,clearedhisthroatandcontinuedinamuchlowervoice

all my love, then you do this, confess that you never felt the same way? he finished,
soundinghopeless.

Ididhavefeelingsforyou

Did?

ItsjustnotenoughItsnotthatstrongunlikewhatIfeelforher.

Shekeptherheadlowforshewantedtocrybutheldhercomposure,shecouldntcry,notin
frontofallthesepeople,theirhouseslivingroomwouldbesuchabetterplacetodiscusssuch
sensitivetopicsbutwhenshewasabouttobreakthenewstohim,hedecidedtheygetcoffee
outside,shejustcouldntwaittoletitoutofherchest.Itwasforthebestanyway,shecouldnt
livewiththeconscienceofdoingthistohimforGodknowshowlong.Keepingitgoingwould
onlycausehimtohurttremendously.

Fingersremovedawhitesilverbandonherringfinger.Alittleclankwasheardastheobject
wasplacedatopthemarblecoffeetable.Helifelesslysankbacktohischair,likehelosta
milliondollarpokergame.Hiseyeswereredandwatery,faceengulfedinhisbrusquehandsas
he exasperatingly pulled strands of his hair, holding back all the mixed emotions until he
couldnthandleitanymore,butbeforehecouldlashoutatheragain

Shewasoffintothestreets,butnotwithoutsheddinganumberofguiltytears.
***

TaeyeonhadgonehomeafteraweekofcampingoutatSunkyus.Sheopenstheapartment
doorandnoticesthatnothinghadchanged.Noteventheformationofthecrackedeggshells
shethrewinthetrashbinwhenshehadpreparedabreakfastinbedforabareYejinwhowasat
thattime,cladinnothingbutablanketnearlythreeweeksago.

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Sheplunkedfacedownonherbedandrolledover,placedanarmoverherforeheadandclosed
her eyes. It feels good to be home they say, but what about an empty home? Taeyeon
contemplates,shehasalwayslikedthesolaceoflivingsinglehandedlybutintimeslikethis,
shelongsforasoftvoiceaskingherwhattheydhavefordinnerortohearavoicecomingfrom
thebathroomaskingforhelpscrubbingabackortalkingaboutsweetnothingsrightinhervery
earwhenlayinginbed,becausethiskindofsilencerightnowislouderthananynoiseshehas
everheard.Itsaloud,irritating,annoyingkindofsilence,orcoulditbeherconscience?

Her phone lights up indicating a message, she checks it reads that she has a couple of
meetingsfortomorrow,sheexhalesbutcontinuestoscrolldownscanningforanymoreunread
messages,thereweretwofromSunkyu,askingifshehadgonehomesafeandsound,onefrom
HyoyeonaskingiftheresanygoodhotspringsinJeonju,AblankmessagefromYuri,which
shedeemedwasagagjokeofsomesortorthegirlmayjusthaveclumsyhands;threefrom
Jessica,twoofwhichwerequotesandatextaskingifshesfreetocatchupandmaybeget
somecoffee.Shewashopingtofindonecomingfromthegirlthatusedtolieinbedbesideher
everyevening,butfoundnone.

MaybeYejinsphonewasbroken?Toobusyfilming?Familymatters?

MaybeIfuckeduprealhardthistime,shethinksandswivelstotheothersideofthebed,
reachesforthelampswitchtoturnitoffandgetsomepropersleepwhenhereyesfixedona
pieceofpaperunderneathavelvetymaroonbox.

Herheartskippedabeatandshecouldfeelherinsidesriseuptoherthroat,herwholebody
pilingupwithdread.Itwasthekindoffeelingwhenyouknowyouvedonesomethingwrong.

Sheknowsthatboxprettywellthoughithasbeenyearssincesheboughtit.Shesnatchedthe
paperandscootednearthelamp,herfingersweretremblingandherheartwaspoundinglikea
madbassdrum,itringsinherearsandcouldntbesilenced,nomatterhowhardshetriesto
calmherselfdown.

Sherecognizesthefineandfemininehandwritingofagirl.

Unnie,
IdontknowwhenyoullbeabletoreadthisbutImwritingitanyway.Imsorryforstormingout
onSunnyunniesparty,pleasetellherthattoo.Iknowitsbeenagreat3yearsofmebeing
withyoubutIguessyoujustcanteraseoldscars,itkeepscomingback.Ihavetriedmyvery

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hardesttohelpandteachyouthattheresmoretolifethanbeingmiserableoversomeonewho
couldnt reciprocatethefeelings youhavefor them, Iguesstherearejust things that once
occupied,replacementwouldbeimpossible.

Taeyeons tears start to fall, she curses herself again and again, curses this messedup
situation,cursesthefactthatshehurtspeopleunintentionallyandwondershowlongYejinhad
tomakethisletterbecausefromwhatshecouldsee,itprobablytookheraday,thefirsthalf
wastoarrangeherthoughtsandwords,theotherhalfwastocryhereyesout,judgingfromthe
tearstainsthathavedrieduponthepaperitself.Taeyeonballsherfists,crumplingthesidesof
thepaperbutcontinuestoreadnonetheless.

Iknowandfeltthatyouhavelovedmesincerely,Iappreciateandamverythankfulforthat
becauseIsawyoureffortandsincerity,soIcantjustputalltheblameonyou.Itshardforme
todothisbecauseIreallyloveyou,Taeyeon,Ireallyreallyloveyou,Iamhelpingyouheal
eachtimeyourevertbacktoherbutImjusthumantoounnie,Ialsogetscarredbytheevents
thathappenagainandagainandIalsogettiredofhoping,ofwaiting,ofbeinghappyandsure
thatswerebackontrackthenhavethatsamehopecrushedtheminuteyouseeher.Idont
wanttospendtherestofmylifelikethat,IdontknowwhenyoullbeabletorecoverbutIalso
needtorecoverfromyou.ItsnotlikeIgaveuponyouunnie,Itsjustthatmaybe,maybebefore
youaccepthelpfromothers,forthathelptotakeeffect,youmustfirsthelpyourself.

Thanksforgivingusatry.

Hopingforthebestforyouasalways,
KimYeJin

BythistimeTaeyeonwasalreadysobbingasthoughsomeonehaddied.Shedidntneedto
opentheboxtoseetheringsheboughtfortheirfirstyearanniversary.Shegrabbeditand
threwitagainstthewall,withtheimpacttheboxbrokeandoutrolledthesilverring,circlingits
wayonthefloorbeforeswirlingtoastop.

Taeyeon,withfreshsaltytearsonherface,stoodupandopenedherwardrobe,shebawled
evenharder,uponrealizingthatYejinsthingsandclotheswereindeedgone,aswellasher
luggageandtogetherwithaverysorrypartofTaeyeonsheart.

Stayinginthatplaceeatsherup.Sheneedstogetout;sheneedsachangeofenvironment.

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***

Unnie, areyouokay? Seohyunasksher outof worry. Yeah,just, thinking Shepaces.

Shes not answering Sunkyu surmises as she concentrates on tapping a series of
combinationsonherphone,tryingtocontactTaeyeonforthemillionthtime.

Maybeshesnotansweringitonpurpose?Yuriassumes.

Ivebeencallinghernonstoptoo,foraboutanhournowbutnoanswerandFany,willyou
stayput?YouremakingmedizzyJessicaannoyinglyquips.

Icant.Okay,Icantstayput,ItsTaetaeweretalkingabout,Imafraidofwhatshemightdoto
herself.

UnniesnotsuicidalYoonajoinstheconversationasshemakesherwayfromthekitchen,
munchingonapockystick.Tiffanypinchesthebridgeofhernoseandexhales.

Iknow,itsjust,Icantyouknow,relax,especiallynowthatwedontknowherwhereabouts
andshesnotansweringanyphonecalls,dammit

Calmdown,wellfindher,haveyouheardfromYejinah?Sooyoungsays,engulfingTiffanyin
awarmsidehugandaskingSunkyuafterwards,butthelattershookherheadinresponse.

Tiffanysighsandsitsweaklyonakitchenstool,wrackingherbrainforapossiblewaytolocate
Taeyeon.TheyhadlearneddayslaterthatTaeyeonwentawaytosomeplacewithoutinforming
anyofthemembers,herbreakupwithYejinandthegirlmovingoutweretheonlyreasonsthey
couldthinkofthatresultedtosuchbehavior.

Ofcourse,itismandatorythatTiffanyisincludedinthosepredicaments;Tiffanywillneverbe
irrelevanttoTaeyeonever.ShewasveryeagertoseeTaeyeontotellherthegoodnewsbut
thentheunexpectedhappened.Hyoyeoncalledherandtoldherwhathappenedwhenshewas
inthemiddleofplanningtotellTaeyeonthatshesfinallygoingtoletgoandjustfollowher
heart.Shehadspokenwithherattorneyregardingtheannulmentcaseshefileddaysago.She
thoughtsheandTaeyeoncouldcelebrate,ifthegirlwouldacceptheragainafterallthebull
Taeyeon had gone through because of her, but after knowing Taeyeons missing, her

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excitementdwindledandshewasreducedtothisanxiousworrywartwhochecksherphone
every5minuteshopingforacalloratextmessageattheleast.

DoeshercaruseGPSsystem?Seohyunasksallofasuddenandallheadsshotup.Ina
blink, rushed clanking of keysbeing grabbed on the countertopalong withTiffanys hurried
footstepscanbeheardasshedashesherwaythefastestshecould,igniteshercarengineand
speedsawayat180kph.

Besafe!Anddontgetaticket!Sunkyushoutsfromthewindow.

F*ckthepolice,gogetherback!SooyoungdunksSunkyusheadplayfullyandthrowsafist
pumpintheair.
***

Damnit!Taeyeoncursesasshepoundsonthesteeringwheel,accidentallyresultingintoa
honk.Bloodtricklesdownfromherlowerlips,shedisregardsthepulsatingpainfromthewound
as she bitesdown even harder, sipstheblood and spitsout from theopen window of her
PorscheBoxter.

Withonehandonthesteeringwheelandsordideyes,shegrabsanothercanofbeerfroma
nowemptyandcrumpledpaperbagrestingnexttoher;emptycanslieonthecarfloorandin
thebackseat.Taeyeonwasnotonetobeuntidybuttonightisanexemption.Sheimmediately
takesamouthful,asifshewasdrinkingwater.Therewasnothingelsethatcouldbeheardsave
fortheloudandroughroaringofhercarengineandtiresburningrubberat200kph.Itwasan
innatehabitofherssincesheacquiredherdrivinglicense,togoaroundandabout,drivingwith
nospecificdestination,drivingalone,drivingwithfriends,ordrivingwithTiffanyinthemiddleof
thenightgoingnowherewhichusuallyendsupindeepandheartfeltconversationssealedwith
hotkissesinsidehercar,parkedatanemergencypitstoporanywheresuitabletopullover.

Thethoughtofitmakesthebileriseupherthroatandshewantedtopukesohard,butcouldnt,
causeherbodywasmultitasking;herbrainwasbusyoperatingthewholenessofher,theroad
directions, the maneuvering of the wheel, the gas, the brake, her throbbing temples, her
ironicallynumbyetbleedingsorelipsandthatgnawingpaininherseeminglyhollowheart.

Leavemebe!Goddamnit!shecursesoutlouduponseeingherphonelightupwithcallsand
messagesfrompeoplewhocareforher.Shegrabsitforcefullythrowsitagainstthecarfloor
wherethedeviceimmediatelybrokeintopieces,thebeepingstoppedandthefluctuatingscreen
lightstotallygaveout.

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She was now driving in an isolated motorway somewhere in Eunpyeong district when she
noticedaminicooperfrombehind,notmatchingherspeedbuttailingherattentively.Herfierce,
redeyescouldntrecognizeifitwasasasaengorapaparazzioralunaticfan,shedoesntcare
really, she doesnt care about anything at all that very moment. There was also a sudden
torrential rain which made it even harder for her to see as droplets land on her view like
pebbles;forasecond,shewasafraiditdleaveadentonthehoodorworse,breakthefront
glass.

Thewipersaregoingfromlefttorightlikemad,clearingtheviewforTaeyeon.However,the
loudhonkingfromthecarbehindmadethethumpingofhertempleshardertobear.

***

Comeon,whyarentyoupickingup?!Tiffanyshoutsintohermobilethoughunheardbythe
personwastryingtocontact.ShehadactivatedherownGPSsystemwhichallowedherto
locate Taeyeons whereabouts and stepped on the gasreal hard the minuteshe found out
wheretheothergirlwas.Itdidntmatterifshewaspracticallydraininghergastankorgetting
ticketafterticketalongtheway,sheneedstostopTaeyeon;shejusthadto.

Thenightwasdrippinginpitchblackanddrowningintheneverendingrain,itwaslikedriving
through a tunnel leading to hell, no greeneries, no sun, no blue sky and white clouds, no
nothing,justpureblackandthescantyheadlightsfromapairofcardrivingasthoughtheywere
beingchasedbythepoliceforce.

Tiffanycriesoverthephone,sobsevenandthrowsitawaywhenitstoppedringingandwas
replacedbyinformationtellingherthatthecallwasunabletobetransmittedtotherecipient.

Wasitbecauseoftherain?

Lossofsignal?

OrdidTaeyeonturneditoffbecauseshedoesntwanttospeaktoTiffany?

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SherollsdownherwindowandscreamsTaeyeonsname,herbeautifulfacenowsplashedwith
rain water, her red eyes squinting against the millions of droplets landing on her face, her
clothesandtheinsideofhercarnowdrenchedinwater.Saltytearsandraindropsmerginginto
oneasshehonksrepeatedlyhopingthatTaeyeonwouldpullover.

Taeyeon!

Taeyeonah!

KimTaeyeon!

Herlungswerealreadyburningsohardfromhershrieksthatnoamountofrainwatercould
possiblyextinguishityetthecarshewasfollowingneverslowed.
***

TherelentlesshonkingcaughtTaeyeonsattention;withcreasingbrowsandeyesnarrowing
shefocusedhersightonthecarbehindthroughherrearview,theplatenumberalmostmade
herstomponthebrake,herheartskippedabeatyetagain.

Whatthehellisshedoinghere?

Ittriggeredanominousfeelinginside,stirringheremotionsandmakingherdizzierthanshe
alreadyis,lightheadedevenasexcitement,curiosity,madness,frustration,longingandlove
seepedinallatonce.Itslikethoseinthemovies,theveryclichchasinggame;oneloves
another who loves another and then for a moment, someones happy, someones not,
everybodyendsupwithabrokenheartbeforethewoundshealandifpermitted,onlythenwill
thehappyendinghappen.Taeyeonretaliatesbynotstoppingbutbygoingfartheraway,hergas
blinkingtowardsemptybutshedoesntcare.Unconsciouslyshestartstocrytearsofangerand
frustration,allhermixedemotionsburstingfromwithinthroughherhottears.

Arrrghhhhghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!Shescreamslikeamadmanthrowingtantrumsasshedrives
furtherintooblivionhearingnothingbutTiffanysshouts,thehonkingofthecarandherown
franticvoice.Athoughtcrossedhermind,thatmomentwhenNichkhunwashospitalizedfor
drunkdriving, it wasjust arandom andsudden thought but itsparkedthedevilonher left
shouldertothinkofthings,horridthings.

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Youloveherright?

Maybeifyousteponthegasharderthensomethingincrediblewillhappen,youlldisappear
Taeyeon,nomoreproblems,nomorework,noworriesaboutYejinandTiffanyandthesocietys
expectation,none.

Wouldntthatbegreat?

Andthatshedid,steppedonthegastothepointofnoreturn,carenginemakinganearsplitting
roaranddoingwhatasportscardoesbest,burningrubberatridiculousspeed.Theroadis
gettingdarkerandthenightisslowlybecominganadult,biggerraindropslandonherviewlike
hailstones, themeagerlight fromhercarcouldnotgiveheraclear viewamid the growing
darkness.Taeyeoncouldfeelherselflosingcontrol,herwholebodyistrembling,shecouldfeel
herkneesquiverasthoughshedriddenarollercoasterthatdoesmultipleloopsfiftyfeetup
high,heruppertorsopressedfirmlyinherseatasshebracedherselfforwhateveraftermathher
carelessnesswouldresult.

Butincameaminicooperswervingitswaytoher,smoothlymaneuveringtocatchupanddoes
anexpertovertake,tiresscreechinglikeagriffinsroarasthedrivertriedtobalancethelossof
controlandmomentumfromthesharpturn,blacklinesmarkthewetpavement.Taeyeonseyes
widenandwithherallwillpower,stepsonthebrake.

Andeverythingstopsforaquietmoment.Foramoment,everythingwasstill;pouringraindrops
andthecarsnowsteadyrevvingaretheonlythingsthatcanbeheard.Thoughraining,smoke
andmistfilltheair,thetwodriversbreatheheavilyandsomehowTaeyeonthinksthatshewas
givenasecondlifethoughshedidntdie.Taeyeonseyeswereredandpuffyasshelookedinto
apairoforbsthatmirrorherown.Taeyeonforcefullyopensthecardoor,readyandhotfora
confrontationastheothergirldoesthesameandrunstoher,likeitsthelastshe,Tiffany,was
goingtoseeTaeyeon.

Whatthefuckdoyouthinkyouredoing?!shoutedafumingTaeyeon,chestheavingasshe
breathesinandoutwithsomesortofdifficultywhilewalkingtowardstherunninggirl.

Whatthehellareyoudoingherefollowingme?!
Taeyeon,pleasehearmeout
Imsosickandtiredofallthiscrap,quitit!Idontwantanyofyourgamesanymoreokay?!
Taeyeonah,shutupforaminuteandlistentomedammit!

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No!NotanotherwordmmphTiffanysfacescrunchedagainstTaeyeonasshewentfora
kisstosilencetheothergirl.

It was a splitsecond involuntary reflex as Taeyeons minute hands swung across the
flawlessnessofTiffanysface,probablyoutofexasperationanddesperation,afaintreddish
glownowswathehercheeks.AnopenmouthedTiffanywasfrozeninplace;hereyescouldnt
be any wider, she palms her slapped cheek and slowly turns to Taeyeon, her expression
borderingthatofthefiercestlionandthetamestdoe.

Taeyeonhadtostop,shockedofwhatshehaddoneherselfbutbeforeshecouldrecoverfrom
theboltfromtheblue,Tiffanyadvancedforwardandwhileinchesapartfromtheother,did
nothingbutengulfTaeyeonsfacewithherhands,leanedinandkissedthelifeoutofheryet
again,outthereinthepouringrain.

TiffanyvehementlytossesTaeyeonagainstthelatterssportscarandassaultsthepairofdamp
lips. Tears fall as Taeyeon encircles her arms around the formers torso; passionately
reciprocatestoeverypullandtugofthelips.Drenchedintherain,theyexchangebreathsand
Taeyeonpraystotheheavenstonottakethismiracleawayfromherthistimearound.

TaeyeonshandsmanagedtoopenthecardoorasshepullsTiffanywithherinsidewherethe
lattersitsatopherlapandcontinuestohastilysliphertongueinandoutofhermouth,arms
restingonTaeyeonsshouldersandfingerstangledinwethairandinasecond,theirbodiesare
emptyofanyclothes.

AtonguedrawsahotlinefromTiffanyschindowntoherthroat,settlingonthecollarbone,
Taeyeon nibbles as the girl atop grinds her centre against Taeyeons ever so slowly and
agonizinglyandthepleasuremakesthegirlseyesrollbacktoitssockets.Abouttowrapher
petite arms around Tiffanys waist, Taeyeons arms were pinned against the backseat by
TiffanysdemureyetforcefulgripashertongueclaimsTaeyeonsneckandchest,Taeyeon
moans,shecouldfeelakissonherabdomen,hernavel,Tiffanypriesopenherlegsandloops
herarmsaroundit,Taeyeonsmouthremainsagapeinastonishment.Shefeelsanotherkisson
herthighsandalong,wetlickfromherthightoherinnerthigh.SheplacesherhandonTiffanys
head,strandsofhairnowtangledinherfingersasTiffanydivesdowntohermostsensitivearea
below.Itwasheavenalloveragain.

Itwasthebreakofdawnandtheroadremainsisolated,alightpurpleglowwassplashedonto
theskywhichinamatterofminutes,melloweddownintoagentleandshadykindofwhitehue,
comfortingtotheeyes.

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ThewheatfieldnearaprovincialroadatEunpyongswaysleftandrightasafreshmorning
breezeblowsthroughit.Thescentofagrassymorningfillthecool,lazyairasthesunprepares
toshinebrightbehindthefluffyclouds.

Thestormhaspassed.

Tangledpairoflegshidesunderneathanundersizedwoolblanket;bodiespressedtogether,
chesttochest,afacenestlingonofneckandplumplipsonforehead.Thecarwindowwas
rolleddownasthecoolandmildearlymorningbreezewaftsinside,givingcomforttoaduo
layingcomfortablyatthebackseat.

Areyoucold?Taeyeonmumblesthroughherhair.Tiffanyshakesherheadandrestsherface
deeperintoTaeyeonsneck,breathesinandexhalesahappysigh;asmallsmiledecoratesher
faceasshetightensherholdontheoldergirlswaist.Taeyeonrelishestheirsharedwarmthas
herhandscreatenonsensicalpatternsonTiffanysbareback,goosebumpssuddenlyrising,
prickingthelattersskinandshecomplainsbutTaeyeonsmiles,closeshereyesandhumsa
randomtuneasherlipsfounditswaybacktothecrownofTiffanysheadandtheresheplaces
akissfortheumpteenthtime.Tiffanysheadshotupandthewayshelookswasbreathtaking,
hertousledhaircascadingdownlikearich,darkbrownriver,strandsofitstandoutlikethatof
thetendrilsofaplant.Hereverpointynoseresemblesthatofagoddessandherquieteyes
filledwithlovepiercedrightthroughTaeyeonssoul.

TiffanyshandsnakedupTaeyeonsneckandbehindherearsasshepullsherselfforwardto
peckapairofwaitinglips.

Iloveyoushemumbles.Taeyeon,withclosedeyes,inhalessharply,feelsadjvucoming
asshebracesherselfforanotherditchTiffanyssogoodat,shecouldseeherselfweepingfor
anothermonthortwoandhermindevaporatedlikeicecreamonhotsun.

Tiffanys lips move down Taeyeons lower lip and nibbles again and again until the kiss
becomesasteamyone. It wasneverending, lips presstogetherover andover untildesire
triggerssomethinginsideandthekissesquicken,tonguesslipinandout,moansaddfueltothe
fire of desire until the kiss itself extinguishes the burning sensation and slows down into
unrushedyetsearingopenmouthedkisses.Taeyeonshandssearchesfortheoneholdingher
bytheface,intertwinestheirfingersandthinksofnothingelsebutTiffany,herskin,herwarmth,
herscent,thefamiliarityofherbodylayingontopofhersand

And...

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Theabsenceofaweddingbandonherringfinger?

ThekisseshaltasTaeyeonpullsbacktotakeasecondlookandindeed,theringwasgone.
ShegivesTiffanyaquestioningstarewhichthelatteronlyansweredbyarepeatedphraseofI
loveyousomuchandImsorryasshekissestheonlypairoflipsshedeverkissuntilherlast
breath.Taeyeonwantedtocry;andcryshedid,forthelasttimeshehadheardthosephrases
the aftermath was miserable, but now feels entirely different, now feels the start of their
promisedforever.

Tiffanywipesawaythefreshlyfallentearsonherloversfaceastheyshareanothertenderkiss.

Shesback,forgood.

FIN

*Note:Thiswouldbetheprotaenyending
Thankyouverymuchforreading!

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Twitter:@judco_
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Instagram:@judco_
A/N:Pleasedonotreplicateorplagiarize.Givepropercredits.

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