TRANSLATION AND EDITING OF TEXT

KAMUNDUAN/SORROW
The poem that I used for analyzing translated literary piece is from the anthology
of poems of Victor Dennis T. Nierva. He is a Bicolano writer and a native of Lupi,
Camarines Sur. His anticipated arrival of this new book was one of the reasons why it
was entitled Antisipasyon. Most of the poems have metaphors of movement which
were inspired by the influx of internal migrants from other towns to his hometown, the
so-called First district of Camarines Sur. In this collection, the author was said to cross
borders. He makes at least four noticeable crossings in his poems; namely, linguistic,
formal, thematic and tonal movements. The poem Kamunduan/Sorrow, which I will be
critiquing, is found at the first part of Niervas book named Paghalat/Waiting. It has
seven stanzas which seem to give readers a description of the location and situation of
the persona. However, closer examination will give us mental images that give an indepth emotion that is prevailing in the poem. The same author was the translator of the
aforementioned poem. This will tell us what particular medium the author seems more
competent in using with.
The first stanza tells about the changes the persona noticed when he was
looking around his surroundings.
1.

Ngunyan na hapon, dai

Naghayop an doros
Sa bulod na kinamumugtakan

This afternoon, the wind

Does not blow
On the hill where I am now,
Both the source and target texts have identical sentence structure. We can see
that the Bicol version was not distorted when it was translated to English. Though the
sentence pattern almost remained the same, except for the clause dai naghayop an
doros which has V-S pattern and turned into the wind does not blow which has now
S-V pattern, the thought did not change at all.
2.

siring sa nakatudan.
Alagad, malipot
An mate kan kapalibutan
As I used to be.
But nature

Is cold upon
The second stanza also appears as if it was translated word-by-word; however,
the English version makes use of words which better capture the intended meaning. In
here, the word malipot was simply translated into cold which satisfyingly refer to the
state of being lonely. Kapalibutan on the other hand was not translated as surroundings
but as nature. This is because surroundings simply mean a plain setting. Tangible
objects are seen but do not make a person transcend his feelings. Nature is more suited
for it denotes earth which is usually associated with animism and physical power
causing all material phenomena to become alive and easily penetrate the senses. This
word will make the reader see that the speaker meaningfully look at nature which
magically brings him to the past.
3.

Sa kublit kong naghahalat

Hadokan kan nakaagi.
Asin minabalik an parong

My skin waiting
To be kissed by the past.
And the scent of aged
The word Kublit as translated in English skin perfectly describes the presence
of the speaker in the situation. Skin is a figure of speech that represents the body of a
person. His pagkayaon/presence is vivaciously captured by the word skin than by the
word kublit. Also, the word parong was used which apparently connotes the sense
smell as its simple counterpart in English; yet, the writer used the word scent.
This choice of using a word which is far beyond the simplest translation
contributes to the success and attainment of a vivid imagery. Scent means distinctive
and pleasant smell. This gives the reader an idea that the smell of the old wood is
favorable to the persona and that using the word smell instead of scent will definitely not
help build the image of longing for the past.
4.

Kan alang na kahoy

Siring sa lumang harong.
An mga gamgam nakatugdon

Wood of the old house

Comes back.
The birds are perched

The fourth stanza also depicts the memories which the persona has. The scent
of the old wood brings him to the old picture of his surroundings or in this case his
hometown. Simple English words were again used since these lines only describe the
perceivable scene.
5.

Sana sa mga sanga kan akasya

Na katampad sa paghiling
Kan bukid na nasa likod

On the branches of acacia

Framing the view
Of a mountain behind
These lines above have interesting translation. Words were enhanced using the
English language to effectively construct a very powerful image which when use can
elicit a strong emotion. Looking at the Bicol version, the image is communicated;
however, the word katampad is distracting. This is because the word is usually used in
referring to an undesirable object lying in front of a person - Nakatampad na basura.
However, the English translation smoothly illustrated the scene when the
translator used the word framing. This gives a panoramic view that may make a reader
long for a reminisced past event or condition. Frame has associations with artistic
creations i.e paintings. This association clearly tells that the scene was like surreal that
the person feels empty inside that what he is seeing now is not the case many years
ago.
6.

Na dating dinudumanan
Alagad ngunyan dai nang tao.
Mayo nang nag-aaniningal

Where we used to go
But now already abandoned.
No more hawks echoing,
The word dati in Bicol refers to a past or former condition. This gives Bicolano
readers a signal that indeed the persona is missing something from the past. The
mountain where the persona with his loved ones used to go, now has no one to take
care of itself. In the Bicol version the place was just described alagad ngunyan dai
nang tao which when translated means and now empty. On the other hand, the writer
preferred the word abandoned which will make readers think that the reason why the
place is gloomy and bleak is because the people had opted to forsake it. It was the
peoples fault why the place is deserted. They preferred not to go around the place

anymore. In other words the idea of abandonment or negligence was absent in the Bicol
version. On the introduction part of Niervas book, he mentioned that his hometown or
Lupi has aggravated its long isolation from the rest of the province by abandoning the
main access to the municipality the railroad. Also, he has described his town as poor
district. This might be the reason why the persona misses the past. Lupi before had
been beautiful and being visited by many people, but now, everything has changed. The
people might have done something wrong that made Lupi a not so better place to be.
7.

Na tikwil sa taas na kahiwasan,

Asin sa ibaba, lampas-tuhod
na and doot sa riles kan tren

Hovering over the fields,

And below, the grass is already
Knee-high on the railroad tracks.
The final stanza has concluded and revealed the cause of the personas grief.
The railroad which has been the threshold of development had been abandoned by
people. With the translation, the Bicol version is far better stated than the English
version. Using the local language gives an impact which can never be experienced by
foreigners. The terms riles and lampas-tuhod have captured that feeling of despair
which overwhelms the persona. Seeing the railroad being gradually covered by kneehigh grass and being out of sight makes the persona mourn for his memories which will
never come to life again and will just stay the same memories. In translation, English
also saves spaces. Instead of saying riles ng tren, you would just say railroad. For this
term encompasses the fact that it is for the train only. The poem does not make use of
rhyme nor rhythm for poetry for the writers is something free in form. The speaker is in
the first person that the identity is clear. The persona grew up in the place and that
when he returned for a visit, things have gone worse and that he longs the past. The
writer of both versions successfully elicited the intended mood. The feeling of
pagkapungaw or pagkamundo has been translated with justice. Kamunduan is never
sadness because it is a superficial feeling of being not pleased. Sorrow is more
appropriate because it gives pain, distress and especially regret.