BROOKLYN NINE NINE

Spec Script Episode: ("Go, Brooklyn Go")

Written by
Michael Flamank

michaelflamank@gmail.com
(647)461-0563
1st Draft

COLD OPEN
INT. 95TH PRECINCT - BULLPEN - AFTERNOON
A mirrored version of the 99th Precinct. Detectives type
and write furiously at their desks. Each seem to be bizzaro
copy of their 99th Precinct counterparts. Where Jake would
sit is a young black female detective.
She jumps from her workstation, runs to a whiteboard with
several columns and adds a tally to the one that says
"JACKLIN PARKER." Detectives let out frustrated grunts.
CHARLOTTE
Get em Jacky!
(to squad)
Guys look how straight her tallys
are, I bet if you strung them
to instruments theyd play
lullabies.
JACKLIN
Correction Charlotte, theyd play
Band of Horses Funeral, for Amir.
AMIR
Ugh, I would totally be ahead right
now if someone hadntROSS
You like smoothies Amir?
AMIR
YaaaaROSS
Throw me under the bus once more
and thats how youll take all your
meals next week.
A stern Asian POLICE CAPTAIN (CPT. GOH, 50s) emerges from
his office. The bullpen is quiet.
CPT. GOH
Whats the meaning of this
commotion?
JACKLIN
Captain Goh: weve made so many
successful arrests this week we
thought wed catch up on the
paperwork by having a "who can
finish the most by the end of the
day" contest.

2.

CPT. GOH
And what does the winner get?
AMIR
To tell you how much work weve
done.
CPT. GOH
Effective immediately... everyone
gets an extra week of vacation.
The squads eyes light up.
CPT. GOH
And because your contest no longer
has a prize, the winner will getCaptain Goh is interrupted by a cleared throat.
REVEAL: Captain Holt and Gina by the elevators. Gina,
clutching a phone book nods to her secretary counterpart: an
effeminate man (GERALD, 30s) who nods back.
CPT. GOH
(finally lights up)
Captain Holt! Again in my
precinct? Is it my birthday?
HOLT
I wouldnt know, the only days I
track are ones I dont have to
visit the(with venom)
Nine-Five.
CPT. GOH
(oblivious)
Vintage Holt! Always so humorous!
HOLT
Bring me to them.
CPT. GOH
Right this way Captain "Holarius."
(air jabs)
Captain Holt rolls his eyes following Cpt. Goh.
CPT. GOH (O.C.)
Just improvd that! Can you
believe it!
INT. 95TH PRECINCT - LOCKUP - CONTINUOUS

3.

Jake, Amy, Charles, Rosa and Terry crowd the floor of an

empty room. The door swings and the squad is terrified.
JAKE
Oh heeyyyyyyy Captain, so this is
bizarre huh?
END COLD OPEN

4.

ACT ONE
TITLE CARD:

EARLIER THAT DAY

INT. BRIEFING ROOM - MORNING

Jake, Amy, Charles, Rosa, Gina, Hitchcock and Scully watch
as Terry anxiously shuts the door.
JAKE
Zombies again serge?
shotgun!

Shotgun

TERRY
I need you all to pretend like Im
disciplining you.
Why?

AMY
What did we-

Terry picks up a phone book and tears it in half.

TERRY
Raaaaaaahhhhh!
GINA
Oh my god...
(beat)
They still make phone books?
TERRY
Remember David Quiang?
JAKE
The triad guy we nailed thats
giving them all up today? Of
course, weve been eating Chinese
all week to celebrate.
Jake gestures to the many Chinese take out menus around the
briefing room.
TERRY
Last night he escaped our custody.
Charles lets out a gasp.
CHARLES
Just like my fortune cookie
foretold!

5.

ROSA
What do you mean escaped?
check the tapes?

You

TERRY
They were down -- for maintenance.
Charles gasps louder.
JAKE
Okay theres no way your cookie was
that accurate.
Charles passes Jake a slip of paper from his breast
pocket. Jake reads it.
JAKE
"Things are going to happen."
(to squad)
Ya it checks out.
AMY
Does Captain Holt know?
INT. HOLTS OFFICE - FLASHBACK - EARLIER THAT MORNING
Terry stands nervous in front of Holts desk.
HOLT
Anything else?
TERRY
AaaaaaaaaaaahhHOLT
Do the words escape you sergent?
TERRY
No -- no the words are very much in
our custody!
INT. BRIEFING ROOM - RETURN TO SCENE
TERRY
Not exactly -- and Id like to keep
it that way until we know more
about Quiangs where -- abouts.
AMY
Why? Cant we just put out an APV
and have everyone looking for him?

6.
ROSA
We took down Quiang out of our
precinct dummy. Holt hates The
Nine-Five. This was his way of
sticking it to them. He finds out
Quiang escaped and were in as good
a shape as Hitchcocks keyboard.
AMY
Hold on, Holt hates The Nine-Five?
JAKE
Holt hates them more than smiling,
group photoss, string cheese- which
might be a reminder of having to
smile in photos and of course joyno wait I did mention string
cheese. How have you not noticed?
Three Quick Hits:
- Holt briefing squad.
HOLT
The suspect was last seen heading
down the I-Ninety-fi(clears throat)
The New Jersey Turnpike.
- Holt checks thermometer.
thermometer in trash.

Its at 95 degrees.

Holt dumps

- Holt walks past Hitchcocks desk.

HOLT
What operating system is that?
HITCHCOCK
Windows 95, it has the bestHolt pours coffee over the keyboard, shorting it out.
INT. BRIEFING ROOM - RETURN TO SCENE
SCULLY
(consoling Hitchcock)
If only there were a number next to
that mine.
TERRY
Now we should have enough evidence
and testimony to be fineTerry doesnt notice the squad squirming.

7.
TERRY
-but if Quiangs not there itll
make Captain Holt look really
bad. Finding him quickly and
quietly is your top
priority. Dismissed.
SCULLY
Hey Serge, you want me to check
that phone book?
INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS
Everyone nervously glances to Holt as they leave the
briefing room. Jake and Rosa break to the side for a
one-on-one.
ROSA
Jake... were in so much trouble.
JAKE
YaaaaaaaSLAM CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:

"JAKE AND ROSAS DAY"

INT. EVIDENCE LOCK UP - CONTINUOUS

Jake and Rosa searching for evidence box.
JAKE
Okay so just because neither of us
remember logging the evidence,
doesnt mean we dont have a
guardian angel that might have done
it.
Rosa glares.
JAKE
Or guardian demon, possessees
choice. Ah here we are.
REVEAL: Empty space between "PUTASKI, gerald" and
"RASHOMON, akira" labeled "QUIANG, david."
JAKE
Damn it.
ROSA
Jake, we have to make sure The
Nine-Five has enough evidence from
the bust to win this case.

8.

JAKE
Okay just hold on... theres still
a chance we could catch this guy
beforeThe door to the evidence room opens. Jake and Rosa
stealthily slip out without being noticed.
INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS
JAKE
Look all we need to do is check
some of hisScully walks through conversation awkwardly holding a box.
SCULLY
Scuse me.
JAKE
Scully cant you see were having a
secret conversation?
SCULLY
Sorry, I was thrown off. Rosas
usually much more intimidating.
Rosa scowls and Scully shuffles away.
ROSA
What did you have in mind?
EXT. CHINATOWN - LATER
Jake is holding out a picture of Quiang while walking with
Rosa. A group of children swarm by.
ROSA
I was wrong, this is a bad idea.
JAKE
(to Rosa)
Ya pretty sure one of those kids
was strapped.
(to pedestrians)
Hey you seen this guy? You seen
this guy?
Everyone nods and desperately points to a Chinese person
near them (none of them are David Quiang).

9.

ROSA
Reminds me of catholic school.
JAKE
You went to an all Asian catholic
school?
ROSA
No, everyone just didnt want to
talk to me. It was awesome.
(beat)
Were here.
REVEAL:

Exterior of a peaceful opium den type bar.

JAKE
Ahhh... say what you will about the
triads, when they arent mowing
down their competition, they sure
know how to chill-

A triad gang member crashes through the bars front window

and a large group begins to fight outside. A hooded figure
in the group takes off running.
ROSA
There!
JAKE
Lets go!
Jake and Rosa pursue the figure, but end up losing him in
the crowd due to the mans agility.
JAKE
Damn it, I knew I shouldve spent
less time training cardio and more
on parkour.
CHINESE KID
Excuse me sir, the man you were
chasing, he dropped this.
Small boy tugging Jakes pant leg hands him a police badge.
INT. BULLPEN - LATER
Rosa and Jake exiting elevator.

Jake holds the badge.

JAKE
There has to be a better
explanation.
(puts down badge at a desk)

10.

JAKE
No one here is colluding withCharles rolls up to Jake and Rosa.
CHARLES
Hey you wouldnt happen to know
where Captain Holt is... or where
one could find spare badges?
JAKE
No...
CHARLES
(slowly backing away)
K... KK... K.
ROSA
Lets get Gina to look up the badge
number andGinas not at her desk.

Their backs turned to table.

ROSA
Damn it, how is she never around
when theres work?
JAKE
Cause shes the queen of shirking
responsibility. Cmon we can doJake notices the badge is gone.
JAKE
Okay... well theres one more
option.
EXT. CHINATOWN - LATER
Jake and Rosa walking.
ROSA
This days a crapshoot.
Jake spots a hot dog cart.
JAKE
Hot dog cart in Chinatown? Looks
like our lucks turning around.
(to vendor)
One dog please.

11.

HOT DOG VENDOR

Sold out.
JAKE
Ahhhhgghhh!
ROSA
We should go to The Nine-Five.
JAKE
And be accountable for our actions
like a bunch of doctors? No way -we just need to figure out how to
search Quiangs apartment without a
warrant.... annnd not get caught.
ROSA
(sighs)
I got this.
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF QUIANGS APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Jake and Rosa knock.
ROSA
NYPD, open up.
Quiangs wife answers through a chained door, her hair is
ridiculous.
MRS. QUIANG
Officers?
JAKE
Detectives- you know what- doesnt
matter. Mrs. Quiang you wouldnt
mind if we came in and had a look
around would ya?
Mrs. Quiang looks to Rosa.
ROSA
We have a warrant.
(Rosa flashes take out menu)
Mrs. Quiang opens the door and lets them in.
INT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
The apartment is littered with lit candles. Enough for a
"fire hazard" PSA. Jake and Rosa split to search rooms.
INT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS

12.

JAKE
Alright sing to me universe, could
really use a win right now.
(spots glint in closet)
Bingo.
(whispers)
Thank you universe!
INT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Rosa notices hairspray and boxes of unopened Chinese food.
ROSA
Why would a Chinese family order
Chi(she sees an identical menu to
the one she used as a warrant)
Jake!
INT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Jake slowly inching to the closet with his weapon drawn.
JAKE
In the middle of universe stuff!
ROSA (O.C.)
Jake I think you should come now!
JAKE
Ugh, fine.
(holsters weapon and walks to
living room)
INT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Blocking Rosa and Jakes exit is Mrs. Quiang and a gang of
menacing triads from the bar.
JAKE
Hey potential friends...
ROSA
(aside)
Jake were not supposed to be here.
MRS. QUIANG
Youre not cops.
JAKE
Well now see thats where youre-

13.
ROSA
Jake!
Rosa tosses Jake the bottle of hairspray.
JAKE
Okay if one things not been wrong
today its my hair.
Idiot!

ROSA
Its inflammable!
JAKE

Oh, right!
Jake sprays it into a candle creating a fireball between
them and the triads then flees to the fire escape.
MRS. QUIANG
Get them!
EXT. FIRE ESCAPE - CONTINUOUS
Jake and Rosa descend, triads in pursuit.
ROSA
Theres a dumpster!
jump.

Well have to

JAKE
Damn you universe! You were
supposed to provide!
Jake and Rosa jump and land safely below.
JAKE
Ohhhh my back! Should definitely
have trained more parkour.
ROSA
(pulling Jake out)
Cmon lets go!
EXT. 95TH PRECINCT - LATER
JAKE
(extracts a banana peel from
his pocket)
How did you come out unscathed?
ROSA
Be dead inside.
our pride and-

Now lets swallow

14.

JAKE
Sneak into The Nine-Fives evidence
locker without them knowing! Great
plan!
ROSA
Jake, I- screw it weve come this
far.
JAKE
Thats the broken spirit!
INT. 95TH PRECINCT - EVIDENCE LOCKER - CONTINUOUS
Jake and Rosa creeping into evidence room.
JAKE
See, not so hard. Also hey back in
the apartment you called the
hairspray "inflammable," Im pretty
sure you meant "flammable."
ROSA
They mean the same thing dummy.
JAKE
Sure Rosa. Adding letters to a
word doesnt change it. Whats
next, words that sound the same,
but mean different things? Pshh,
irregardlessROSA
(correcting)
"Regardless."
JAKE
(reaching for box)
-here it is, all the evidence we
could possibly neThe box is empty.
JAKE
Okay well now the day officially
cant get worse.
JACKLIN (O.C.)
Freeze pack rats!
Rosa glares at Jake.

15.

JAKE
Kinda wish the universe would grant
a do-over right now.
END ACT ONE

16.

ACT TWO
INT. BRIEFING ROOM - EARLIER THAT MORNING
TERRY
-finding him quickly and quietly is
your top priority. Dismissed.
SCULLY
Hey Serge, you want me to check
that phone book?
INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS
Everyone nervously glances to Holt as they leave the
briefing room. Amy follows Charles to his desk.
CHARLES
Oh hey AmyAMY
Were in so much trouble!
SLAM CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:

CHARLES AND AMYS DAY

INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS

CHARLES
Ugh, I knew this was coming, I knew
it! Never take a cookies fortune
for granted.
GINA (O.C.)
Toooooold yaaaaaa.
AMY
(to Charles)
Will you keep it down! If we cant
fix this and they find out well be
lucky if a photo hut hires us. And
oh god those dont even exist
anymore!
CHARLES
We can totally totally fix this,
all we need to do is find Quiang
before the others notice we may or
may not have done the testimonies.

17.

AMY
Ya, okay, sure, how many places
could he be anyway?
CHARLES
Oh a lot ofAMY
Charles!
CHARLES
Youre right, stay positive -- like
photo huts.
AMY
Photos come from negatives.
CHARLES
Okay well food is really more my
thing so perhaps we could stick to
those metaphors... like caramelized
duck to an unglazed pan.
Beat.
AMY
I think I know where to look.
EXT. QUIANGS BAR - ESTABLISHING - LATER
AMY (O.S.)
Hey- hey youre not supposed to be
in here!
INT. QUIANGS BAR - CONTINUOUS
Amy and Charles are surrounded by children hugging their
legs excitedly.
CHARLES
Aww just pretend theyre giving you
a dozen tiny thigh massages.
AMY
Ew, gross.
TRIAD LEADER
Zoe kai, zoe kai!
The children flee out the front door.

18.

TRIAD LEADER
What business brings you here?
CHARLES
NYPD, were looking for David
Quiang.
TRIAD LEADER
NYPD? Strange, where are your
badges and guns?
AMY
What do you mean, theyre rightAmy and Charles notice their badges and guns missing.
The kids!
massage.

CHARLES
Never trust a free

Several triad gang members begin to surround Charles and Amy

in a menacing manner.
TRIAD LEADER
Mr. Quiang isnt in at the moment
butOLD MAN (O.C.)
What are you doing!?
An elderly Chinese man steps in to intervene.
TRIAD LEADER
We were just going toOLD MAN
(to Triad Leader)
Intimidate our guests Craig?
(to Amy and Charles)
I apologize for his behavior. Hes
been emotional since his TV program
was canceled. Come with me, IllCraig grabs the Old Mans wrist and they stare into each
others eyes for a moment.
OLD MAN
Remember this day as the last you
were able to properly use
chopsticks.
The Old Man throws Craig though the bars front window and
everyone in the establishment rises and starts to brawl.

19.
Amy and Charles escape into the alleyway where they notice
several suspicious figures at the end run past.
AMY
There!
Amy and Charles lose them as soon as they turn the corner.
CHARLES
Fortune cookie we should have
listened.
INT. BULLPEN - LATER
Charles and Amy back in a basically empty bullpen.
AMY
Dang where is everybody?
Jake and Rosa enter from the elevators.
CHARLES
Jake will know what to do!
Charles rolls up to Jake and Rosa.
CHARLES
Hey you wouldnt happen to know
where Captain Holt is... or where
one could find spare badges?
JAKE
No...
CHARLES
(slowly backing away)
K... KK... K.
AMY
Well?
CHARLES
Too busy solving other cool
things. Well your move now as this
is your fault.
AMY
What?! How?
INT. BULLPEN - FLASHBACK - EARLIER THAT WEEK - NIGHT
Jake, Amy, Rosa and Charles celebrating the successful
arrest of David Quiang.

20.

JAKE
With David Quiang finally in
custody you know what that means!
CHARLES
Crazy paperwork grab boJAKE
The crazy paperwork grab box!
Jake pulls out a plastic lunchbox and shakes it
up. Everyone grabs a piece of paper from it.
CHARLES
Testimonies.
ROSA
Evidence log!
AMY
Testimonies.
Yes!
log!

JAKE
Which means Im also evidence
In your pencil pushin faces!

Rosa and Jake double high five.

INT. BULLPEN - BACK TO SCENE
CHARLES
Had I been with Jake or Rosa,
testimonies would be done because I
know theyd expect me to be the one
to do them!
AMY
Wait... if Quiang escaped do you
think its possible he was able to
grab the evidence Jake and Rosa
logged?
CHARLES
Does a bordelaise sauce need bone
marrow?
INT. EVIDENCE LOCK UP - CONTINUOUS
CLOSE UP: Spot where the "QUIANG, david" evidence should
be. Its empty... with a torn up phone book on the ground
next to it.

21.

CHARLES
It does.
AMY
Crap crap crap, it looks like serge
found out too.
CHARLES
Calm your canoodle we have one more
place we can look.
EXT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - LATER
INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF QUIANGS APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Amy with Charles holding bags of Chinese food.
CHARLES
We may not be able to get a
warrant, but that doesnt mean we
cant generously drop off some
grub.
AMY
Anything goes wrong Ill be right
out here, just yell.
CHARLES
Like a baby goat.
Charles knocks and Mrs. Quiang answers, opening the door
without the chain.
CHARLES
Delivery for Mrs. Quiang.
Mrs. Quiang looks suspicious.
CHARLES
Got some Gong Bao Chick, some Ma Po
Tofu, someMRS. QUIANG
I didnt order anything.
CHARLES
(trying to see around into
apartment)
Are you sure -- its been paid for
-- why dont I come in and drop it-

22.

MRS. QUIANG
No.
Charles sees figure behind Mrs. Quiang.
Chinese food and closes the door.

But she grabs the

CHARLES
She was hiding someone.
AMY
Mr. Quiang?
CHARLES
Maybe. Also I have a feeling shes
not gonna eat the Ma Po -- shame.
EXT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Amy and Charles walking back to car.
AMY
We should check with The Nine-Five
to make sure they have the
appropriate evidenc(spots litter on ground)
Ugh, some peoples children.
CHARLES
I agree, but also maybe we call in
that we heard shots fired in Mrs.
Quiangs apartment? Hmm?
AMY
(getting in car)
May not be an ideal way to get the
place searched but I like it.
CHARLES
Baby goat for the win!
(pulls out phone)
Hello 911...
As they drive away Jake and Rosa can be seen exiting the
apartment.
EXT. 95TH PRECINCT - ESTABLISHING - LATER
INT. 95TH PRECINCT - BULLPEN - CONTINOUS
Amy and Charles waiting at Geralds desk while he texts,
holding up a "wait one moment" finger.

23.

AMY
Were gonna be lucky if our kids
kids can get a job on the force
after this.
CHARLES
Maybe the fortune cookies omen has
run out?
MRS. QUIANG (O.C.)
There they are! Those two were the
ones in my apartment!
REVEAL: Mrs. Quiang with Amir and Ross entering the
bullpen.
CHARLES
Or maybe not...
END ACT TWO

24.

ACT THREE
INT. BRIEFING ROOM - EARLIER THAT MORNING
TERRY
-finding him quickly and quietly is
your top priority. Dismissed.
SCULLY
Hey Serge, you want me to check
that phone book?
TERRY
Only if you want the same fate it
got. Now go.
Terry holds his head as the squad leaves the room. Gina
remains, looking at him as if she were piecing together a
juicy puzzle.
SLAM CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:

TERRY AND GINAS DAY

GINA
Something tells me youre not so
innocent.
What!?

TERRY
No! Terry wouldnt...

INT. HOLDING - FLASHBACK - EARLIER THAT MORNING

Terry tries to rip a phone book in half and only gets
halfway. Sees security camera.
INT. SECURITY ROOM - STILL FLASHBACK
Terry deleting footage of himself failing the book rip.
TERRY
Phew, cant have evidence of that.
INT. BRIEFING ROOM - RETURN TO SCENE
TERRY
How could you tell?
GINA
Youre talking to the queen of
shirking responsibility.
INT. BULLPEN - FLASHBACK

25.

The precinct is decorated in Christmas garb. Jake holding a

gift at Ginas desk which is toppling with presents.
JAKE
Gina did you rig the Secret Santa
so everyone got your name?
GINA
(takes gift from Jake)
No...
(shakes gift)
Ooo I actually already have one
that makes a
"rattle-rattle-ka-chink" sound.
INT. BRIEFING ROOM - RETURN TO SCENE
TERRY
Gina this is really bad!
GINA
Dont worry theres no way you
could see this coming.
BOYLE (O.C.)
Ugh, I knew this was coming, I knew
it! Never take a cookies fortune
for granted.
GINA
Toooooold yaaaaaa.
TERRY
Gina!
GINA
Okay calm down Tear-bear.
TERRY
We need to check on the evidence!
INT. EVIDENCE LOCK UP - CONTINUOUS
Terry and Gina in front of the empty space that says
"QUIANG, david."
GINA
Okay now youre in trouble
Terry grabs a phone book off a shelf and rips it in half.

26.

TERRY
Terry has never been so stressed!
GINA
Wow I guess I kinda thought the
phone book from earlier was a
relic, but they really do still
make them.
(off Terrys look)
Okay dont fret, my popularity has
lent me connections that can
assist.
INT. 95TH PRECINCT - EVIDENCE LOCKER - LATER
Door opens to reveal Terry, Gina and Gerald who has just
unlocked the door for them.
GINA
Thanks for keeping quiet about this
Ger-bear!
GERALD
You scritch mine I scitch yours.
Gerald leaves them.
TERRY
What was that about?
GINA
Hey nicknames are harrrrrd.
TERRY
Not that, I meant the- nevermind
lets just check for theREVEAL:

The "QUIANG, david" spot is empty.

TERRY
Evidence.
GINA
Oh no and theres no phone book.

The door to the locker opens. Terry and Gina stealthily

sneak out to avoid getting caught.
EXT. CHINATOWN - LATER
Gina in the passengers seat of Terrys mini-van on her cell
phone. Terry outside the window.

27.

TERRY
Stay in the car, be right back.
GINA
Okay but Im adjusting all your
seats and mirrors.
TERRY
Why?
GINA
Proper lighting Terry, these cheeks
need to glow.
EXT. QUIANGS BAR - CONTINUOUS
Terry arrives at the bar just as a fight breaks out and
happens to notice Jake and Rosa on the other side of it.
TERRY
(under breath)
What are you two doing here?
They start to look his way. He panics and starts to run,
they pursue and he winds up losing his badge.
INT. TERRYS MINI-VAN - LATER
Gina driving while constantly adjusting everything.
GINA
So tell me again why you didnt
just help Jake and Rosa? Does
someone feel responsible and not
want other people being curious of
their motives? Thats a losing
game Tear.
TERRY
(looking around seat)
Damn -- lost my badge!
GINA
Dont worry I have a bunch of
extras in my desk.
TERRY
Im confiscating those as soon as
we get back.
EXT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - LATER

28.

Last stop.

TERRY
Stay in the car.

GINA
Heard that one before.
Terry leaves.

Gina spots something.

No way!

GINA
In Chinatown?!

INT. HALLWAY OUTSIDE OF QUIANGS APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS

Terry knocks on door.
TERRY
Mrs. Quiang this is Sergent
Jeffords of the NYPD, you in there?
No answer. Terry tries the door and it opens.
TERRY
(reaffirming self)
I was concerned so I stepped in for
a moment to check. Ya thats it.
Terry walks in.
INT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - CONTINUOUS
Terry looks around apartment, picks up hairspray near a
candle and carries it into the living room. Sets it down.
TERRY
This place is like a "fire saftey"
PSA.
Terry hears a noise, runs and ducks into the bedroom
closet. Through the slit he watches as Mrs. Quiang enters,
puts down a new candle and lights it.
KNOCK KNOCK!
Unbeknown to Terry, Charles is at the door, his voice is
muffled. Terry dials Gina on his phone.
INT. TERRYS MINI VAN - CONTINUOUS
Gina eating a hot dog, answers phone.
GINA
Thith buhter be guhd.

29.

Gina!

TERRY (O.S.)
Im trapped in the closet!

GINA
(throws litter out window)
No way! Do you even know how long
Ive been waiting for Chapter 34?
INT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - BEDROOM - CONTINUOUS
Charles leaves.

Terry tries to sink deeper into the closet

TERRY
This is serious IJake and Rosa show up.
from him.

Everythings muffled and obscured

GINA (O.S.)
Terry what? Describe everything.
(beat)
In a falsetto if you can.
TERRY
Not the time Gina, I think I need
help.
Jake and Rosa leave out fire escape followed by triads.
TERRY
Hold on, I think I found my out.
The apartments now quiet and empty. Carefully he walks out
the front door... and is greeted immediately by two
detectives: Amir and Ross.
TERRY
Heyyyyyyyy...
INT. TERRYS MINI VAN - CONTINUOUS
Gina jamming out with headphones in as Terry is put in a
squad car behind her.
GINA
Its the remix to ignition...
END ACT THREE

30.

ACT FOUR
INT. HOLTS OFFICE - EARLIER THAT DAY
Holt glances at the briefing. Terry rips a phone book in
half. Holt goes back to his laptop.
HOLT
Im going to be in so much trouble.
SLAM CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:
REVEAL:

CPT. HOLTS DAY

Holt is looking at a website for candles.

HOLT
Oh wait, they do have it in stock.

Holt looks up to see everyone leaving the briefing room.

INT. BULLPEN - LATER
Holt leaves office to find everyone is missing except Scully
and Hitchcock.
HOLT
Where is everyone?
HITCHCOCK
Nothing.
Awkward beat.
HOLT
Okay... Im going out for a bit.
INT. CANDLE STORE - AISLE - LATER
Holt looking dissatisfied.
REVEAL:

Candle he wants is priced at $10.95

CLOSE UP on "95"
INT. CANDLE STORE - CHECKOUT - CONTINUOUS
CLERK
(scanning candle)
Oh good choice, its actually on
sale today for $8.99.
Holt subtly nods his head in approval.

31.

EXT. QUIANGS APARTMENT - LATER

Mrs. Quiang greets Captain Holt outside her building.
procures candle and Mrs. Quiang embraces him.

Holt

MRS. QUIANG
Oh you shouldnt have!
HOLT
It was absolutely necessary. I
want you to have these too.
(hands her envelope)
These are the pictures of the local
police stationed right around the
corner should you have any
trouble. Anyone but them claiming
to be an officer might be
posing. I want you to go right to
your local police station if that
happens understood?
Mrs. Quiang nods and leaves.

Holt spots something.

HOLT
In Chinatown?
EXT. HOT DOG CART - CONTINUOUS
HOLT
One hot dog.
HOT DOG VENDOR
Your lucky day, I have one left.
Holt nods in approval, takes the hot dog and walks right by
Gina answering a call from Terry.
INT. BULLPEN - LATER
Scully and Hitchcock still the only ones there.
HOLT
Where is everyone?
SCULLY
Something?
HOLT
Very well.
Holt disappears in office.
INt. HOLTS OFFICE - LATER

Scully breathes sigh of relief.

32.
Gina comes bursting in.
GINA
Okay so dont be mad...
HOLT
What is it?
GINA
Okay but you kind of look mad.
(off his look)
I may have some bad news.
INT. 95TH PRECINCT - LOCKUP - LATER
Return to scene from Cold Open.

Holt and Gina walk in.

JAKE
Oh heeyyyyyyy Captain, so this is
bizarre huh?
HOLT
Explain.
EVERYONE
(too cluttered to hear)
Ok so first what happened was!!!
HOLT
One at a time!

Santiago?

AMY
Umm well actually I cant explain.
TERRY
Captain this is all my fault. This
morning David Quiang escaped our
custody.
HOLT
Interesting...
CUT TO:
INT. 95TH PRECINCT - LOCKUP #2 - CONTINUOUS
Quiang and lawyer, sitting on opposite side one way glass.
REVEAL:

Holt and the (confused) squad observing.

HOLT
...because this morning I had him
transferred to The Nine-Five... did
Gina not tell you this?

33.

GINA
Ohhhhhhh wait a second...
INT. BULLPEN - FLASHBACK - EARLIER THAT DAY
Holt in front of Ginas desk.

Gina on phone.

HOLT
And could you tell the squad that I
transferred Quiang to The Nine-Five
this morning?
GINA
Mmmmmmmhmmmmmmmm gotcha.
INT. 95TH PRECINCT - LOCKUP #2 - RETURN TO SCENE
Terry is fuming. Gina hands him her phone book and he rips
it apart without breaking eye contact.
JAKE
Why here though? It doesnt make
sense, I thought you hated The
Nine-Five?
HOLT
Mr. Quiang isnt giving up the
triads, hes giving up the irish
mob... in our precinct. His wife
wanted him held closer to home.
ROSA
And you obliged.
time.

We screwed up big

HOLT
Im very disappointed in all of
you.
CHARLES
(gasps)
The fortune cookie!
INT. 95TH PRECINCT - BULLPEN - LATER
The Nine-Nine exchanging apologies with their Nine-Five
counterparts.
AMY
(aside to Jake)

34.
AMY
So why does Holt hate the
Nine-Five? I mean from what I can
gather they have a certain charm.
JAKE
Never been able to crack it.
Holt and Cpt. Goh have a private conversation to the
side. Goh seems to think Holt is joking about everything.
HOLT
(to Cpt. Goh)
If you think this makes us even you
are sorely mistaken.
CPT. GOH
For beating you to that photo hut
promotion decades ago?
HOLT
You mean stealing.
CPT. GOH
And when we were both up for
captain of The Nine-Five?
HOLT
(incredulous)
Also stealing.
CPT. GOH
Do I detect a hint of jeal-Holt-sy!
(snickers)
See what I did there! On- ThaSpot!
Holt glares at his department as Cpt. Goh jumps around.
INT. BULLPEN - LATER
The squad arrives to find Scully, Hitchcock and a ton of
people.
HOLT
Whats this?
SCULLY/HITCHCOCK
You would not believe the day we
had!
SLAM CUT TO:
TITLE CARD:

SCULLY AND HITCHCOCKS DAY

35.
INT. BRIEFING ROOM - EARLIER THAT MORNING
TERRY
-finding him is your top priority
today. Dismissed.
SCULLY
Hey Serge, you want me to check
that phone book?
TERRY
Only if you want the same fate it
got. Now go.
INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS
Scully rendezvous with Hitchcock.
HITCHCOCK
Hey lets let them worry about
finding the guy. You, me, well
make sure the case is air tight
without him.
SCULLY
Ohhh ya. I like that. Plus we
wouldnt have to go outside. I
never know how to dress since the
thermometer went missing.
INT. EVIDENCE LOCK UP - CONTINUOUS
Scully grabbing evidence box from "QUIANG, david" area.
INT. BULLPEN - CONTINUOUS
Scully schooches by Jake.
SCULLY
Scuse me.
INT. BULLPEN - LATER
Scully and Hitchcock working hard on the case as everything
goes on around them.
Hitchcock notices and grabs badge off desk.
HITCHCOCK
Silly Serge. Bet hell feel real
embarrassed when we give this back
to him.
INT. BULLPEN - LATER

36.

Scully and Hitchcock clones from The Nine-Five drop by with

evidence boxes.
SCULLY CLONE
You guys alone?
SCULLY
Ya were kind of the only ones who
work around here.
HITCHCOCK CLONE
Hey that sounds exactly like us!
HITCHCOCK
So whats this?
SCULLY CLONE
Oh yeah its the Nine-Fives
evidence from the Quiang bust. We
would have been here earlier but we
had to go back and grab these that
were turned in.
REVEAL: its Charles and Amys badges and guns.
INT. BULLPEN - LATER
Holt and Gina leaving.

Still just Scully and Hitchcock.

HITCHCOCK
Alright everything we need to win
the case. Annnnd I saved us a
fortune cookie to split.
They break it open.

Scully reads fortune.

SCULLY
"Good things will happen."
Enter Priest.
PRIEST
Um hello?
HITCHCOCK
Can we help you?
PRIEST
Well maybe, Ive convinced everyone
from my parishs confession booth
to turn themselves in.
A stream of criminals walk through the door.

37.

RETURN TO SCENE INT. BULLPEN - LATER

ROSA
Holy shit 57 arrests, that has to
be a record.
JAKE
Wait what about the evidence?
did? We never-

How

INT. BULLPEN - FLASHBACK - EARLIER THAT WEEK

Re-enter after "crazy paperwork grab box" as Jake and Rosa
are high-fiving. Enter Terry.
TERRY
Peralta, Boyle, Diaz, Santiago,
lets go! Drinks on Terry all
night for this one.
JAKE
You heard the man!
wait!

Paperwork can

Scully and Hitchcock arrive in an elevator just as the other

closes with the squad.
SCULLY
Hey I thought they were coming back
here? Whats their number?
HITCHCOCK
If only we had phone books around.
SCULLY
Guess its time for the worker bees
to start buzzin.
Scully and Hitchcock start on paper work.
INT. BULLPEN - RETURN TO SCENE
HOLT
Very good work, you may leave
early. The rest of you will handle
their paperwork.
JAKE
(turning to squad)
Gonna be a long one, you guys wanna
order some Chinese or...
The squad is not amused.

CRUNCH!

38.

REVEAL: Charles with broken fortune cookie.

CHARLES
Want me to read it out?
END OF SHOW