Tips for Parents

What can you do as parents to help protect your child online?

Parents need to educate themselves and become comfortable with the Internet.
Communicate the dangers and risks of being online with your children. Supervise
your children on the Internet just as you would monitor what movies and TV shows
they watch and the places they go with their friends.
You would not let your children open the door to a stranger, so don't let them spend
long hours online alone. Using products that can be purchased in computer stores
and on the Net, you can track your child's use of the Internet and block objectionable
material from reaching your household. But remember, no product can fulfill all your
needs. There is no substitute for your involvement. Pay attention to your children
because, if you don't, someone else will. Print tips for parents.
1. Place your computer in a common area of the house.
This is probably the most important thing you can do. Do not let your children
be in their rooms all night on the Internet. The mere presence of parents can
have a tremendous effect on a child's online activities. It's much more difficult
for a computer sex offender to communicate with a child when the computer
screen is visible to a parent or other member of the household.

2. Educate yourself about computers and the Internet.

You need to know how to use the Internet in order to know what your children
are doing on it. Take a basic computer class or buy a book about the Internet.
Check with your ISP (Internet Service Provider) for information on using all of
their services. Go to some of the sites listed in "Resources" to help you get
started.

3. Spend time with your children online.

Ask your children how they use the Internet and have them teach you about
their favorite destinations. Make "surfing the Net" a family experience. Just as
you look for good television programs for your children, take the time to find
the best and most useful websites for them. Go to "Resources" for some
examples of fun sites for the whole family.

4. Make reasonable rules and set time and use limits. Enforce them.
You should set guidelines about what your children can and cannot do on the
Internet. Try to understand their needs, interest and curiosity. But, you must
set limits on when they may use the Internet and for how long.

5. Educate yourself and your child about the dangers of the Internet.
Teach your children about sexual victimization and other potential dangers of
the Internet. Talk openly and honestly with your children about what they are
doing on the Net and what your concerns are.

6. Do not allow your child to go into private chat rooms, especially when
you are not present.
Computer sex offenders will often meet potential victims using chat rooms.
Later, they'll attempt to communicate with children by way of e-mail or instant
messaging. If you can, try to keep your child out of chat rooms altogether. You
never know who is in a chat room watching and waiting for a victim.

7. Reinforce the guiding rule, "Don't talk to strangers."

Tell your children what they are told online may, or may not, be true. No
matter how much their online "buddies" seem like friends who share interests,
they are still strangers. Remember, cybermolesters pretend to be children.

8. Put accounts in your name and know your child's passwords.

The Internet account and primary screen name should be in your name, not
your children's names. It's also a good idea to know your children's passwords
and let them know you will check their online activity.

9. Never allow your children to arrange a face-to-face meeting with

someone they met online without your permission.
Many predators want to meet a child for sexual contact. Your child should
never meet a stranger alone in a face-to-face meeting. If you ever do agree to
a meeting, make sure it is in a public place and accompany your child.

10. Do not let your child give out any personal information of any kind on
the Internet.
Children should never give out their name, home address, telephone number
or school name. They should be aware that even naming a friend, local sports
team, shopping mall or community event could give away their identities.

11. Do not let your child download or upload pictures without your
permission.
Predators will often send photographs or visuals to children as part of a
grooming process to gain trust. Some of the photographs may be
pornographic and may even involve child pornography.

12. Utilize your Internet Service Provider's parental controls and commercial
blocking and filtering software tools.
Most ISP's have parental controls - use them. Other filtering and monitoring
software programs can be purchased separately. Monitors show a history of
use so you can see where your child has been on the Internet. Filters block
access to objectionable material. Remember, while parents should utilize
monitors and filters, do not totally rely upon them. There is no substitute for
parental guidance and supervision. See our "Resources" for sites that
compare monitors and filters.

13. Be sensitive to changes in your children's behaviors that may indicate

they are being victimized.
Be alert to personality changes. If victimized online, children may become
withdrawn from their families or secretive about their activities. Computer sex
offenders work very hard at driving a wedge between children and their
parents.

14. Be alert to a teenager or adult who is paying an unusual amount of

attention to your children or giving them gifts.
Most sexual offenders are not just satisfied with the computer. Eventually, they
want to talk to the children on the telephone, engage in "phone sex" and set
up a meeting. As part of a "seduction" process, a sexual offender may send
letters, photographs, gifts or packages to potential victims. Some offenders
have even sent children digital cameras and plane tickets.

15. Be aware of other computers your children could be using.

Your children probably use computers at the library, school, friends' houses maybe even cyber-cafs. Talk to your children about other computers they
use.

16. Be aware of your child using another person's screen name.

Watch for your child using an online account belonging to someone else in
order to bypass filters or monitors on your computer. Computer sex offenders
may provide potential victims with a computer account for communication with
them.

17. Develop a "contract" with your children about their Internet use.
You may want to develop an agreement or "contract" with your children about
their use of the Internet. A pledge from your children to follow certain rules on
the Internet may develop trust. Several websites have examples of contracts.
You can find them in our "Resources."

18. Review the use histories or logs of your computer to see where your
children have been.
Sometimes, you can trace where your child has been on the Internet by
checking different areas of your computer. By clicking on Windows Explorer
and checking such files as Cookies, Temp History, Internet History or Cache
files, you can see what your children have been doing online. You can also
check the recycle bin or deleted files to see what's been erased. If you
suspect your child is deleting material, some programs will "undelete" files.
Remember that some things are not stored unless a person saves or prints it,
e.g., instant messages and chat conversations.

Take Care of the Biological Needs of Children

The first role of the parents is to take care of their childs biological needs.
Providing physical care to fulfill the needs of the child imply: proper food, fresh
air, good lighting, enough sleep, recreation time, etc.
Provide an Optimal Environment
You have to provide a safe, nurturing and supportive environment that allows
the children to grow healthy. For an optimal development, children need:
adequate physical home environment; a tolerant and positive atmosphere;
conditions for positive changes and improvements; opportunities to explore and
experiment in his environment; consistent routine; etc.
Protect Your Children
Make sure their environment is safe. You have to protect your children, to warn
them by telling what is safe to do and what isnt, before they venture out on
their own. Teach your child the difference between right and wrong, and that
wrong may be harmful both for him and for others. Your goal is to protect your
children from dangers to which they may be vulnerable and to keep them safe.
Also children feel safe when there is continuity and consistency in daily routines,
and especially when there is a loving atmosphere.
Teach and Educate Your Child
To raise your children properly, your duties arent limited to food, shelter and
protection, but also require you to teach and educate them, to shape knowledge
and character, to prepare your child to face the real world. So another parents
role is to make possible learning of such actions as walking and talking, reading
and writing (to facilitate learning of these activities, a parent must have patience
and understanding). The main goal here is to provide the children with the best
possible education. A parent has to be a fine observer (to have an overview of
their childrens behaviors, moods and activities) and instructor for his children. If
you want to be successful in this process of education, you have to be a model
for your child. Especially be a gender model for the child and show him or her
how to be a man or a woman. Teach your children about what is at the core of
masculinity or femininity (see gender roles in the family).
Give your child various opportunities to finally become a healthy member of the
community. To successfully integrate your child into your community, you should
give him the knowledge of your community culture so that he will have the
needed information and skills to grow up into a adapted adult. It is very
important to guide your children toward social adaptation and integration. To
help your kids develop appropriate coping skills and help them gain
independence, explain and carry out tasks with your child. You also must be an

advisor and a checker for homework. Take the time to explain. What is the role
of a parent question doesnt imply that there is just a single and essential role.
There are many roles of being a parent and some of them are essential, while
others are secondary.
Provide Guidance, Direction, Assistance and Help
Sit back and listen to your child, abstain from imposing your point of view and
just offer appropriate direction and guidance. Another important role of parent is
to provide guidance and assistance in the process of personal development and
growth. The most effective way to help children is to advise them instead of
commanding and to guide the progress of child development without doing his
work (help them cope, but dont solve yourself their problems). Give them a
sense of direction and provide sufficient support to succeed and to feel that they
are the source of the achievement.
Step back and facilitate children find out independence, allow and encourage
them to be independent, help them handle and balance their needs for
independence and dependence. Understand their need to be independent
without loosing all your authority. When children show a certain level of
responsibility and independence extend their privileges and freedoms, but hold
them back when their behavior go wrong. At an early stage you make decisions
for your children, but at teenage just assist them to decide (provide the wisdom
to make themselves the final decision). Assist your child in the achievement of a
task; help him only when necessary and only as far as needed. Familiarize your
children with the diversity, pros and cons, and benefits of the most relevant
ways to make a living, but let them to choose their own career. Ask various
questions to get the child to discover exactly what it is he wants to do or be.
Support and Motivate the Child
If you want the child to be successful and to achieve his goals, encourage and
motivate him. Positive motivation and encouragement is a must, love your kids
both when they succeed and when they fail. Provide empathic encouragement as
a reward for an achievement, but also to minimize the frustrations of failure.
Teach the child to look at failure as a situation of learning and not as a tragic
situation. Listen and be supportive, encourage instead of crushing childs
capacity to say no, at all costs. Motivate and persuade children to achieve more
than they thought possible. Motivate the child and even gently push him to
strive ever harder, if you want him to gain a strong will.
Dont think that your children are sufficient to themselves and that they will
grow up into strong young adults by themselves! Children should be personally
motivated and trained to achieve their tasks. In short, you must be the personal

coach of your kids: hearten the positive, temperate the negative, be active and
influence your kid development. Praise your child, not only his behavior!
Take Care of the Social Emotional Skills
Another duty of you as a parent is to help your child to acquire emotional
wellbeing. There are positive factors, such as: praise, encouragement, calm talk
and response, affectionate attention, etc. that will help to build healthy
emotions. Strive to eliminate negative factors such as will annihilation, sarcasm,
neglect or bullying. Each child is unique, dont compare your child with others
(especially when you observe a weakness), rather help him deal with being
different and even encourage him to be unique. Assist children in learning how
to express their feelings and desires and help them develop healthy
relationships. Socialize your child.
Monitor the emotional development of children and keep away main traumatic
events that can negatively affect their emotional dimension. Assist child develop
a positive self-perception, a strong sense safety and make sure they feel loved,
if you want to raise an emotionally healthy young adult. Be calm and emotionally
supportive. Teach child how to control and change their thoughts, emotions and
behaviors.
Discipline Gently
Understand what the child is communicating directly or indirectly by his attitudes
and behaviors. A major aspect of the parents role is to establish and maintain
order in family by requesting a certain level of discipline. Always have a calm
reaction, respond consistently, appropriately, and sensitively and gently give a
corrective feedback to your child when his behavior is inappropriate. A calm and
emphatic talk helps children become conscious of their mistakes. An upset
reaction increases the tendency of child to defend him. You have to do what is
best for your children, rather than overlook their ways of behaving in order to
meet your need for silence. Practice a gentle but firm style of discipline.
Set boundaries and limits to control the children, impose ground rules and
standards if you want to cultivate a good will. Build your authority, take charge
and when limits are transgressed, issue ultimatums, enforce discipline and
impose consequences. Dont provide approval, praise or rewards when childs
behavior is inappropriate. Also parents duty is to warn their children to set aside
games and TV until homework is finished. If you want to master the art of gentle
discipline you have to acquire effective parenting techniques.
Finally, as a parent you have to be strong and do your best for your children
even at your own cost (put your children position first). Be a giver rather than a
receiver, give and go on giving, but at the same time demand (role of the child

may be that of succeeding in school and of respecting the ground rules of

family). You also have to continually learn, improve and optimize your parenting
knowledge and skills. We tried to answer to What is the role of a
parent? inquiry by describing the most important roles of being a parent and
hope you will benefit our tips.