1

The Forgiveness of the

Gospel,
Part Two:
Practical Lessons on
Forgiveness
from the Letter to Philemon
August 7, 2005
Philemon

Lesson 1: Take the Offense Seriously. Don’t ever

play spin doctor, don’t ever minimize the offense,
and don’t ever explain away a sin which has been
committed against another person.

In Philemon: Notice that Paul never told Philemon how

to view the offense. He allowed Philemon to view the
offense as he wanted to. He didn’t try to minimize what
Onesimus did or try to put a spin on it which would ease
the pain for Philemon.

In Our Lives:

• Mediator: If you are trying to mediate an offense,

don’t play spin doctor and don’t minimize the offense.
• Offender or Offended: If you are the one who
committed the offense, don’t put a spin on your sin
and don’t minimize it or explain it away. This is more
often than not what most of us do today. When we
learn of how we have offended another we usually
explain it away with phrases like:
o “Well, that’s not what I meant…”
o “Well, they just took it the wrong way…”
 2
o “Well then, something is wrong with their ears
because that’s not what I said…”
o “Well, they just took what I said out of
context…”
o “That was none of their business…”
o “Oh please! Gimme a break!”
o “That’s just their perception…”

Equally as wrong are those statements that we

give to others when we have been offended:

o “Well, look let’s just forget about the whole

thing…” while you remain offended within.
o “Don’t worry about it…” when there truly might
be sin to worry about or while you still harbor
bitterness in your heart.
o “Look, its all water under the bridge…it’s all
history…it’s all behind us now…” when there
may be serious issues which must be dealt
with.

All of these are unpersuasive, non-cogent, incredulous

ways of dealing with an offense. What you never need
to worry about is the other person…you must always
worry about yourself because you are the one who has
committed the offense. If they were offended,
regardless of the offense, you are to take that offense
seriously. Jesus made this crystal clear in Matthew
5:22-24.

But I say, if you are angry with someone,

you are subject to judgment! If you call
someone an idiot, you are in danger of
being brought before the high council. And
if you curse someone, you are in danger of
the fires of hell. So if you are standing
before the altar in the Temple, offering a
sacrifice to God, and you suddenly
 3
remember that someone has something
against you, leave your sacrifice there
beside the altar. Go and be reconciled to
that person. Then come and offer your
sacrifice to God.

Again, if there is an offense you even think you might

have committed against another brother or sister, stop
what you are doing and make it right. Jesus teaches you
are to take it so seriously that you are even to stop what
you are doing right now, even if it means walking out of
this sermon and out of the church at this very moment,
and make it right.

Lesson 2: Realize that you are at the mercy of the

one you sinned against. Realize that your
relationship, your fellowship with that person is in
jeopardy as long as the offense is between you.

In Philemon: Paul was an experienced mediator and

recognized that in a master-slave dispute, the master
held all the cards and Paul knew he as an individual had
no right to tell Philemon what to do. But he did have the
right as an apostle to command Philemon to do what he
asked. Yet he still did not even want to do this. Paul left
the door open for Philemon to (1) view the offense
however he wanted, which (2) allowed him to respond
with as much dignity, generosity, and forgiveness as he
wanted. Paul knew that forgiveness was a heart issue
and was willing to let the Spirit work whatever He
wanted in Philemon’s heart so that Philemon’s response
to Onesimus would be completely and totally and
spontaneously from his heart. If Paul had commanded
Philemon what to do, then there would have been
parameters put on Philemon’s response. But by leaving
the door open, Philemon could respond with much, much
 4
more, maybe even with the possibility of manumission,
or Philemon freeing Onesimus to go back and serve Paul.

In Our Lives:

o Mediator: If you are mediating an offense,

don’t put any parameters on the one who must
forgive. Forgiveness, again, is totally a spontaneous
issue of the heart. Don’t ever fence the offended
person in because you want them to act freely.

o Offended: If you are the offended one, you are

free to forgive and you are to be free in how you
show that forgiveness. Your relationship with Jesus
Christ should so overflow in your heart that your
forgiveness to that person should flow as fast and
free as Christ’s forgiveness to you.

o Offender: Pray that the Lord would allow you to

see your offense through their eyes. Pray that you
would be able to see their point of view and why/how
they were offended. Pray that the Lord would fill
them with the same free forgiveness as Christ has
already given them. You want God’s mercy to you to
be displayed to you through them. Remember, your
vertical relationship with God depends upon your
horizontal relationship with your brothers and sisters
in Christ.

Lesson 3: Allow Forgiveness to Flow Freely,

Openly, Publicly, and Profusely To The One Who
Has Sinned Against You. This Is the Identifying
Feature of A Heart That Truly Wants to Forgive.

According to verse 14, Paul’s overriding concern was

that Philemon be free to act as he wanted to concerning
Onesimus. Paul didn’t want to presume upon Philemon
by keeping Onesimus there with him in prison. If Paul
 5
were to presume upon Philemon’s heart, then that would
do two things: (1) it would limit Philemon’s ability to
truly show his forgiveness to Onesimus, and (2) it would
not necessarily be a true sign of the nature of Philemon’s
heart, since he might be doing it reluctantly. Paul’s
wishes were for Philemon to send Onesimus back to Paul
to help Paul in prison. But in the end, if Philemon didn’t
want to send Onesimus back, then what good would that
be to Paul to know that Philemon didn’t really want
Onesimus there in the first place?

Illustrated: It is much like the scenario we have all

experienced when we apologize to others. We have
done it and we see our children do it. When our child
does something wrong to another child we confront
them with what they have done wrong as well as the fact
that they must go and apologize and ask forgiveness.
When the child does so he or she usually goes with eyes
down, frown upon the face, and mumbles the words. He
or she doesn’t really mean it.

And when we go through this with our spouses, they

come and apologize begrudgingly, mumbling their
apology and we say, “I don’t believe you are really sorry.
You need to work on that apology and try again.” And a
little while later when they have straightened out their
attitude, they come back with hearts changed and a new
face and a new presentation of their apology…to which
we respond, “you don’t really mean it…you are just
doing it because I asked you to.” No rest for the
apologetic!

Paul didn’t want Philemon to begrudgingly give

permission to Onesimus to minister to Paul. Paul wanted
Philemon to really mean it or to really mean whatever he
wanted to do. Whatever Philemon decided to do, Paul
knew that it was the Spirit’s task to work within a man’s
heart so that a man’s heart would respond properly and
freely. Paul didn’t want Philemon to feel pressured by
 6
an Apostle of Jesus Christ or by the influence of his well-
to-do friends and his household who respected him. To
presume upon Philemon would be to pressure him and
then perhaps the action wouldn’t be real but counterfeit
and thus hypocritical.

Lesson 4: Accept the One Who Has Offended

You…Accept Them as You Would Accept Jesus
Christ. This Increases and Proves Your Faith in
God Who Also Forgave You.

In verse 17, Paul appeals to Philemon to accept,

welcome, and receive Onesimus as Philemon would
welcome, receive, and accept Paul himself, were he to
come to visit. As we observed before, Jesus taught his
concept of acceptance and assumption as part of
forgiveness. In Luke 17:3 He taught that if a man sins
against us we are to rebuke Him. If after rebuke he
repents, then forgive him. If even that same man sins
against us seven times in the same day, even if it were
the same sin seven times in the same day, and if he
returns to us saying he repents, we are to forgive him.
To this the disciples replied, “Lord increase our faith!”
Why this response?

It takes faith to believe that a man has repented,

therefore it takes faith to forgive. It takes faith to
believe that God is doing what He wants to do in that
individual’s life. It takes a great measure of faith to trust
God not just for his spiritual well-being, but for ours as
well, especially when we are the ones being sinned
against! Our prayer then should be the same as the
disciple’s response…”Lord, increase our faith!” This
should be our prayer when we are offended so often with
the same offense. We should pray that the Lord would
continue to pour out his love through us to the offender
and to fill our hearts with increasing faith so that we can
trust God to do what He needs and wants to do.
 7
The point from Philemon is that we are to accept those
who say they have repented. We are to accept them for
what they say and we are to forgive them and assume
they are telling the truth. We are to believe them! Paul
was appealing to Philemon to accept Onesimus’
conversion based on Paul’s testimony to that fact. It
could be said that Paul wanted Philemon to treat
Onesimus like the prodigal son…he went away for a
while so that he could come back to Philemon forever,
according to verse 15.

How true is this with our children! How often to they

offend us each day! How often do they offend us each
day! How often do they say they are sorry and will not
do it again! And how often do we fall to bitterness,
anger, and hatred! How quick we are to forgive for the
first offense, but how infrequent we are to forgive the
same offense for the seventh time! The quickness to
respond with forgiveness should be the same no matter
how many times we have been offended. And the
fervency and sincerity of that forgiveness should be the
same each time. We should always be quick to forgive
and we should always be just as fervent and loving in
that forgiveness no matter how many times we are
slapped in the face with the same sin over and over and
over and over again!

Lesson 5: See the Offense in Light of the

Sovereignty and Providence of God, Who Often
Uses Other People as Trials in Our Lives to Make
us More Mature.

According to verse 15-16, Paul talked of Onesimus’

running away as a departure. Paul saw all this in God’s
providence. Perhaps Onesimus ran away so that in
God’s timing he would return to stay forever more useful
than he was before. This had to be so in light of God’s
sovereignty and providence and in light of Onesimus’
 8
conversion to Christ. Onesimus’ time away from
Philemon would be a testing time for both.

Along the same vein, understand first and foremost that

God’s providence will always arrange a resolution to the
offense you have committed against another person –
either now in this life or in the life to come. The
providence and sovereignty of God are evidenced in
God’s working behind the scenes in the life of Onesimus
with his knowledge of Paul, and of the church Philemon’s
house in order to orchestrate Onesimus running away
and meeting up with Paul all in order for God to bring
him to faith in Christ.

It is in light of this concept of God’s providence and our

offense that James teaches that trials produced patience
which perfects us. Philemon and Onesimus were going
through a trial, though only Philemon as a Christian at
the time Onesimus ran away. Paul wanted Philemon to
understand that this Onesimus trial is part of God’s
providential plan.

When others sin against us, that too is part of God’s

providential plan. God is using them in our life as a trial
to produce patience and to perfect our faith. We must
recognize that God is at work everywhere all the time.
We must recognize that when our Christian brother or
sister sins against us, or even if an unbeliever (as in the
case of Onesimus against Philemon, initially), God is
providentially at work producing patience in us and
perfecting our faith, making us mature. The hope we
should have is the hope that Paul had for Philemon…that
Philemon and Onesimus would be closer than they had
ever hoped to be because of Onesimus’ new relationship
with Christ and because of Philemon’s godly response to
this trial in his life.

Do you see that those whom you have forgiven are now
closer to you than before? It shouldn’t work in any other
 9
way than this. God intends for fire to melt us together.
The fires of offense which we commit against one
another are fires which burn away the trash of our
hypocrisy, weakness, passivity, pride, and other ungodly
attitudes. These offenses are God’s trials to melt us to
Himself and to melt us together with other believers,
especially if they be believers who have offended or
sinned against us. Do you see their sin in this light? Do
you trust God to forge a deeper friendship between you
and the one who has offended you…a deeper and more
fervent, indeed fiery friendship than you have ever
known before…a friendship which will last forever, as
Paul told Philemon?

Conclusion

This is what the church is all about: saved sinners

forgiving each other’s sinfulness with a sinful world
looking on us, wondering why we are so forgiving toward
everyone. The gospel is the greatest message on earth,
because it proclaims forgiveness. And the church is the
greatest place on earth because it is full of gospel-
saturated sinners whose lives are permeated with
forgiveness.