SPORTS ZONE FUNERAL BY JARRED HODGDON

INT. CHURCH
CHIP VEDERBUILD (56), wears a brown suit and observes from
the back row pew. GUSTO BING (41), in a flashy pea green suit
saunters in and sits next to him. Chip greets him.
CHIP VEDERBUILD
Gusto Bing. Formerly awarded the
Heisman Trophy and the man who
could be the penultimate fullback
of all time. Sit right here on this
pew next to me, GET. IN. THE. ZONE!
The men shake hands as Gusto sits down. The two settle in and
stare straight ahead.
GUSTO BING
Chip Vederbuild, youre a legend in
your own right. Youve really
welcomed me into the Sports Zone
family of commentators.
CHIP VEDERBUILD
Yes, but sadly that family has just
lost one of its best and brightest.
We speak of course of Mindy
Manderbuck, a beloved Producer of
our flagship Sports Zone broadcast.
GUSTO BING
Chip. She sat across from
three weeks ago and was in
meeting where we finalized
of my hiring contract. Now
looking at her up there in
box.

me just
on the
details
Im
a pine

An ANNOYED MOURNER turns around from his pew and SHUSHES the
two.
CHIP VEDERBUILD
Gusto. It was not just yours but so
many lives she touched. She went to
college at Notre Dame and was a
force both off the field and in her
business and management classes.

2.

GUSTO BING
As a graduate student top
recruiters from all the media
conglomerates were competing to
offer her an unpaid internship.
Nearby MOURNERS are starting to look and act annoyed, we see
MINDYS HUSBAND (50) at the front of the room on a microphone
giving the eulogy.
HUSBAND
Um. Hey. Excuse me? Yeah, Chip and
Gusto?
Chip holds his finger to his ear and puts an arm across
Gusto.
CHIP VEDERBUILD
Up, oop, ip - hold on. Theyre
telling me something in my ear.
HUSBAND
Yeah, Chip. Im just trying give
the eulogy here. Youre kind of
distracting.
GUSTO BING
Tensions are high, and you can feel
it in the air.
CHIP VEDERBUILD
Im getting a whiff of the powerful
floral arrangements in the room.
GUSTO BING
From the back pew to the casket
yard line, there doesnt appear to
be a dry eye or sorrow free heart
in the house.
HUSBAND
Yknow. Just forget it, I was
almost done. Everybody, we can do
the viewing now if people would
like to pay their final respects.
People rise and approach to view the body of MINDY laid out
in the casket.

3.

CHIP VEDERBUILD
Well be following the action as
this impressive gathering of the
bereaved approaches the corpse of
our gone too soon friend and
colleague.
GUSTO BING
Lets throw live to Mareetza
Velacruz in the heart of the
action.
(yells across room)
Hey Mareetza! Get in the Zone!
We see MAREETZA standing next to GRANDMA and the casket.
Mareetza gets in close to Grandma.
MAREETZA
Mareetza her in the zone with
Mindys beloved Grandma who just
finished looking at the embalmed
corpse of her favorite
granddaughter. Grandma Nona, tell
me whats going through your head
right now.
GRANDMA
Well Mareetza, its a terrible
thing to lose your granddaughter in
this way and I just dont
understand why you are talking like
this is a live sportscast right
now. It feels distasteful.
MAREETZA
Everyone in the Sports Zone family
knew how much Mindy loved you. To
what do you attribute her tragic
death?
GRANDMA
She was in that horrible accident!
You know that! She was too young
for this... but I guess God. I
guess Jesus. Its in his hands.
MAREETZA
How will you cope?
GRANDMA
One day at a time. Were taking the
grandkids to Disneyland.
(MORE)

4.

GRANDMA (CONT'D)
The trip was planned anyway, and we
just need to maintain some sense of
normalcy for them.
Mareetza smiles as Grandma buries her CRYING face in a hanky.
Gusto and Chip are now near the front of the line for viewing
Mindy.
MAREETZA
Back to you Chip, in the Zone.
GUSTO BING
What an emotional day.
CHIP VEDERBUILD
This has been a beautiful ceremony
that all in attendance will surely
remember.
Chip leans in close and looks Mindy right in the eyes.
CHIP VEDERBUILD (CONTD)
Dammit Mindy! How could this
happen!?
A PRODUCTION ASSISTANT wheels in a monitor and it flickers
on.
GUSTO BING
Chip. Traffic cameras caught the
grisly scene in full detail. Lets
go into the zone with the Sports
Zone replay sponsored by Old Spice.
The TV set plays a clip of Mindys car crashing into a brick
wall. Gusto touches the screen to rewind and playback.
GUSTO BING (CONTD)
You can see here was the point of
impact.
Gusto pauses and draws a circle on the screen where Mindys
car hit a wall. Grandma faints into Husbands arms and the two
crumble to the ground CRYING.
CHIP VEDERBUILD
Gusto, that had to hurt. Viewers,
stay in the zone with us as we head
out to the reception, enjoy light
snacks and talk to some of todays
grievers. Right after this.
BLACKOUT