Choosing to Love

In our look at just a few of the Old Testament couples, we have seen that many of
those early marriages were “arranged.” Wives were selected, dowry or labor were
exchanged. Similar practices continue in some cultures today.

While our cultural opportunities and practices concerning choice of spouse are in
many respects preferable to some others, we seem to have become too flippant,
too superficial about marriage, and do not regard it as God does.

This is why I have asked us to consider the idea of “Choosing” to love. Before we
jump in to a more detailed scripture study, l would like to make a few general
statements.

None of the following general statements or any of the discussion they cause are
meant to take away the importance of romance. It certainly has its place. I realize
there are different words used in the Bible to describe “love.”

Choosing to love does not mean there is no initial attraction, whether

physical/intellectual/ circumstantial. We know that often there IS some physical
attraction that leads to a more meaningful contact being made. In some cases, we
may have listened to someone express a thought, and then inquired further.
Sometimes, further acquaintance is made because we admire the way someone
handled a circumstance. I maintain, though, that after whatever sparked the initial
interest, there is a conscious CHOICE to pursue, to deepen the acquaintance.

Though I have no scientific, empirical data behind my assertions, I am also inclined

to believe that the more basic the initial attraction, the easier it will be to break any
bond formed. For example, if the initial attraction is limited to appearance only –
and is not soon reinforced by other more valuable merit, the relationship will
dissolve more quickly than one that began on some mental, reasoning level.

Even among school-age children, one can observe the differences in “commitment”
between grade school and high school sweethearts. As we mature, the levels of
personal investment and expectation increase.

Given time and opportunity to further a relationship, a man and a woman

continually make CHOICES that lead to a decision to love or not to love each other.

Our conduct in those growing relationships should never go beyond what God has
said is acceptable. Specifically, we must follow God’s commands regarding physical
intimacy, obedience to parents, etc. (Please grasp the importance of parents’
understanding involvement in children’s relationships at different stages of life.)

As the relationship grows, we start to place importance on more and more areas of
concern, to look for areas of difference and of agreement. This should help us
understand why above everything else, agreement about God and the importance
of our pleasing HIM, is essential! Amos 3:3

To help us in discussing Love as a Choice, let’s examine several passages.

In Matthew 22:39, Jesus taught, “love your neighbor as yourself.”

Do some research on “neighbor.”

Based on your research, does your spouse qualify as a “neighbor?”

If you are married, what neighbor is closer to you than your spouse?

Jesus’ words about the extent of love for a neighbor should sound much like what
we have already seen in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians where he told husbands to
love our wives with an “____ __” love.

What are the husband’s choices?

Wives are told to ____________ husbands, in Titus 2:4.

What are her choices?

Is kindness a choice? (If you have ever told a child to “be kind,” how must you
answer this? Why?)

Is patience a choice? (If you have ever told someone to “be patient,” you must
answer this in the affirmative, mustn’t you?”

Is thinking a certain way a choice?

Is not being puffed up or self-centered a choice?

Is “score-keeping” in a relationship a choice?

Read 1 Corinthians 13. From your preceding five answers, is love a choice?

In Hebrews 13:1 and 1 Peter 1:22, we are exhorted to practice ________________ love.

What are our choices?

Look at some other passages:

Would the principles taught in Romans 12:9, 10 apply to marriage? Is CHOICE

involved?
Read Colossians 3:12-14 -- Do the principles there apply to marriage? Is CHOICE
involved?

Read Ephesians 4:31 ff. What behaviors and characteristics SHOULD be a part of
our relationships, and what should not?

John 13:34, 35: Applicable to marriage??

What do we do if we are in a bad marital circumstance? The fact is that there are
Christians who are in bad marital circumstances. Somewhere along the line, some
bad choices were made. Perhaps one paid too much attention to physical beauty or
financial standing or how well someone spoke and got along with people.

Read Matthew 5:43-48 and Luke 6:27.

Tough pill to take, but sometimes there is outright enmity within the home. What is
the Christian to do?

Can a man be an abusive husband or father and live according to Scripture?

Explain your answer

Can a woman be an abusive wife or mother and live according to Scripture?

Explain your answer

What about the abused spouse and children? What do they do?