Interpersonal Communication

1. Definition of Communication
The terms communication came from Latin word Communicare or Communis which
means equal or making it commons. If we communicate with others, it means we are trying
to make what is being conveyed to others become theirs.
The definition of communication has been largely defined by the experts. If we analyze
from many definitions of communication that exist, it can be conclude that communication
refers to action, by one or more persons, that sends and receives message that are
distorted by noise, happens in particular context, has a particular influence, and there is a
chance to do feedback.
Communication is a basic component from relationship between human being and
includes exchange information, feelings, thought and behaviour between two or more
persons. Communication is a process of delivering message or information from someone to
other person in verbal and nonverbal form. Delivering the message can be done with
symbol, sign, or behaviour.

2. Purpose of Communication
The purposes of using communication process specifically are as follows:
1. To learn or teach something
2. To influence someones behaviour
3. To reveal feelings
4. To explain behaviour of their own or others
5. To get in touched with other
6. To solve any problem
7. To achieve a goal
8. To lower the tension and solving conflict
9. To stimulate interest in yourself or someone else

3. Communications Component
Structural

model

of

communication

identifies

six

functional

components

of

communication as follows:

a. Messanger (communicator/sender)
Messanger is a person who has the idea to be delivered to someone, hoping that it can
be understood by the person who receives the message according to the means of the
messanger. Message is an information that will be delivered or expressed by the
messanger. A message can be in verbal or non-verbal form and can be effective if it is
organized well and clearly.
b. Message/material
Content that will be delivered by communicator. Material of the message can be in the
form of:
i.

Information
ii. Invitation
iii. Work plan
iv. Question, etc
c. Media/link/channel
Media or channel of communication to deliver message such as: meet face to face,
television, radio, newspaper, bulletin board, telephone, etc. Choice of this media can be
influenced by the content of the message to be delivered, number of messanger,
situation, etc.

d. Message recipients (Communicant/receiver)

Receiver is a person who can understand message from the messanger eventhough in
the form of code/sign without alleviate the meaning of the message intended by the
messanger.

e. Feedback
Feedback is a sign or response contained some impression from the receiver in verbal
or non verbal form. Without feedback, a messanger will not know the impact of his
message to the receiver. This is important to know if the message has been received
with the correct and proper understanding. Feedback is useful to provide information,
advice that can be taken into consideration and helps to raise trust and openness
between communicant, also it can clarify perceptions.
f.

Contexts/environment
Context is an arrangement where communication occurs. Context (environment) at least
has three dimensions:
i.

Physical, is a space where communication take place real or tangible.

ii. Social-psychological, include, for example status of the relation system between
those who get involved, the role run by someone, as well as the culture where they
communicate. This environment or context also includes a sense of friendship or
hostility, formality or informality, serious or joking.
iii. Temporal (time), include time within hours, day, or history where communication takes
place.
These three environment dimensions interact, each influencing and influenced by others.
For example, if we are late for an appointment with someone (temporal dimension), it
can lead to the changes of friendship-hostility (social-physichological dimension), which
then can cause a change in physical proximity (physical dimension). Those changes can
lead to many other changes.

1. Communication Process
This picture below shows what is called universal
communication model. This model
Context/Environment Lingkungan(Lingkungan
contains elements that exist in every communication process.

Picture 1. Communication Process

In communication process we use the terms communicator-communicant as a whole
Channel/ media

indispensable package to affirm that every person who involved in communication is a

communicator/source (speaker) as well as communicant/receiver (listener). Communicator

sends message by speaking, writing, or giving a specific body language. Communicant
receives the message by listening, reading, smelling, etc.
Channel/
media
But, when the communicator sends message,
he also
receives message. Communicator

receives message from himself (listen to himself, feel his own movement, and see his own
body language) and he also receives message from others (by visual, hearing, or even by
touching and smelling). When communicator speaks with others, he sees the communicant
to get any response (to get support, understanding, sympathy, agreement, etc). When the
communicator receive these non verbal signal, then he is functioning as a receiver.
In communication, every action produces message (eg speaking or writing) and it called
encoding. By pouring out our ideas to sound wave or onto a piece of paper, we change
ideas in a specific code. So we are encoding.
Action of receiving message (eg, listening or reading) is called decoding. By translating
sound wave or words in the paper to become idea, decipher the code, then we are

Fe

decoding.
communicator/
encoder
Communicant
/decoder

Dis

Message

Therefore we called the communicator/speaker as an encoder, and communicant or

listener as an decoder. Just as communicator-communicant, we are writing encodingdecoding as an indispensible unity to affirm that we are carrying out these function
simultaneously. When we talk (encoding), at the same time we also absorb the feedback
from the listener (decoding).
Communication message delivered in the communication process can be present in
many forms. We send and receive these messages through one or a particular combination
of our senses. Eventhough we usually assume the message is always in the form of verbal
(oral or written), but this is not the only type of message. We also communicate nonverbally
(without words). For example, the clothes we wear, as well as the way we walk, shake
hands, shaking his head, combing hair, sitting, and. smile. In short, we are all express
everything in doing communication.
In the process of communication that rarely lasts only through one channel, we often use
two, three, or four different channels simultaneously. For example, in a face to face
interaction besides talking and listening (voice channels), we also give the body gesture and
receive these gesture visually (visual channel). We also emit and smell the smells (olfactory
tract) and sometimes with a touch (tactile channel).
Feedback is an information that is sent back to the communicator/the source. Feedback
can come from our own or from someone else. In the universal communication diagram, the
arrow sign from one communicator-communicant to the other communicator-communicant
in two ways is called feedback. When we delivering the message, by talking to someone
else we also listen to our own selves. It means, we receive feedback from our thesis. We
hear what will be said, feel our own movement seeing, and we see what has been writen.
Beside feedback, we also receive any feedback from others. These feedbacks can come
from in several forms, such as forehead wrinkles or smiling, nodding or shaking of head, pat
on the shoulder, all of these were feedback.
In a communication process we also face some disturbances. This disturbance known
as noise. Disturbance is everything that can distort message. Disturbance is not a part of
communication but it affect the communication process. This disturbance will inhibit
communicant in receiving message and communicator in sending message. We can say
that there is a disturbance in a communication if the message we delivered was different
from the message we received.

Fe

This disturbance can be in the form of physical disturbance (there is someone else who
is speaking), psychological (thoughts inside our head), or semantic (misinterpreting the
meaning).
Table below shows definition and example of three types of disturbances.
Table 1. Types of Communication Disturbances
Type
Physical

Definition
Interference with the

Example
Phone sound, someone speaks,

physical transmission

whir of passing vehicle, eye glasses,

of signals or other

etc

Psychology

messages
Cognitive or mental

Prejudice and bias to comunicator-

Semantic

interference
Talks and listeners

communicat, narrow mind, etc

Person speaks with different

gives a different

language, using jargon or too

meaning

complicated terms that cant be

understand by the listener

In order for communication process to run well, it needs knowledge about types of
communication. In the communication process, there are verbal and non verbal
communication. Each components hold an important role in achieving communication
success.

Verbal communication : communication process expressed orally using words by

communicator or communicant

Non-verbal communication :communication process delivered without using words.

There are seven aspects of non-verbal communication components, such as

a. Proxemics: individual distance, seat placement, speaking distance

b. Artifacts (used things) : Clothes, make-up, eye glasses, jewelry
c. Body language: Eyes, face expression, hands and legs movement, body position, the
way of walking
d. Paralanguage: tone of voice and emphasis, intonation
e. Touch: shaking hand, palpation skill and percussion
f.

Environment: furniture, room decorating

g. Physical characteristic: Health status, body shape, skin color, deformity, distinctive body
odor

2. Interpersonal Communication
Based on types of interaction in communication, communication is divided into
intrapersonal communication, interpersonal communication, small group communication and
public communication. Through intrapersonal communication, we are talking with ourselves,
knowing and evaluate ourselves, considering all decisions that will be made and prepare the
messages that will be delivered to others. While in

Sedangkan dalam komunikasi

interpersonal communication we interact with others, knowing them and ourselves, and
reveal ourselves to others. Small group communication and public communication interact
with more people, usually > 3 persons.
In interpersonal communication, the communication happens between persons face to
face, that enables every participant to catch others reaction directly, verbally or non verbally.
Interpersonal communication which involves only two persons such as in the husband and
wife, two colleagues, best friend, teacher-student, etc.
Purpose of Interpersonal Communication
Interpersonal communication has several purposes. Those purposes such as:
a. Finding Yourself
One of the interpersonal communications purposes is to find personality of someone. If
we get involved in interpersonal meeting with others, we will learn so many things about
ourselves and also about others.
Interpersonal communication gives chance to us to talk about what we like, or about
ourselves. It is so interesting and fun if we discuss about our own feeling, thought, and
behaviour. By talking about ourselves to others, we give an incredible feedback to our
feeling, thought, and behaviour.
b. Finding Outside World
There are so many information that we know come from interpersonal communication,
eventhough there are many information that came to us from that mass media, those things
often discussed and finally learned or explored by interpersonal interaction.
c. Forming and Maintaining Meaningful Relationship
One of the greatest desire from a man is to form and maintain a relationship with others.
Most of the time we use in interpersonal communication is immortalized to form and
maintain social relationship with others.
d. Change an Attitude and Behaviour

There are so many times we use to change attitude and behaviour of others by
interpersonal meeting. We may want them to choose a specific way, such as trying a new
diet, buying a specific object, watching movies, writting and reading a book, entering a
certain area and believe that the thing is right or wrong. We are using many times to get
involved in interpersonal position.
e. To Play and Pleasure
Playing covers all the activity that has a primary purpose which is to look for a leasure.
Talking with a friend about our activities at the end of the holiday, discuss sports, telling
stories and jokes.

By doing that kind of interpersonal communication, it can give an

important balance in mind that needs to relax from all the seriousness in our environment.
f. To Help
Psychiatric experts, clinical psychologist and therapeutic uses the interpersonal
communication in their professional activity to direct their clients. We all also serves to help
others in our interpersonal interactions daily. We consulted with a friend who break up of
love, in consultation with the students about the courses that should be taken and so forth.
Interpersonal Communication Effectiveness
The effectiveness of interpersonal communication starts with five general qualities, that
is openness, empathy, supportiveness, positiveness, and equality.
1. Openness
The quality of openness refers to at least three aspects of interpersonal communication.
First, an effective interpersonal communicator should be open to the person whom he asked
to interact with. It doesnt mean that the person should open about all of his history. It looks
interesting, but it usually doesnt do any help in communication. On the other way, there
must be a willingness to open himself to tell information that is usually hidden, as long as the
disclosure is worth it.
The second openness aspect refers to the willingness of communicator to react honestly
towards the upcoming stimulus. A person who are silent, not critical, and not responsive, in
general belongs to the boring person. We want people to react honestly to what we said.
And we have the right to expect this. There is nothing worse than ignorance, even
disagreement is more fun. We show the openness by react spontaneously to others.
The third aspect is about ownership of the feeling and thought. Openness in this term
means to admit that feeling and thought given is trully belong to you and you have the

responsibility on it. The best way to tell about this responsibility is by message using I (first
person singular pronoun).
2. Empathy
Henry Backrack (1976) defined empathy as the ability of someone to know what is
happening to someone else at a certain time, from the perspective of the other person,
through the eyes of someone else's." Sympathize, on the other hand is a feeling for others
or feel the sadness of others. While empathy is to feel something like a person who
experienced it, be in the same boat and feel the same feelings in the same way.
An empathic person can understand motivation and experience of others, feeling and
their attitude, also their expectation and desire for future.
We can communicate empathy in verbal and non verbal way. In a non verbal way, we
can communicate empathy by showing (1) active involvement with a person through face
expression and appropriate gesture; (2) centralized concentration through eye contact, full
attention gesture, and physical closeness; also (3) an appropriate touch or caress
3. Supportiveness
An effective interpersonal relationship is a relationship in which there is a supportiveness
attitude. A consept that is formulated by Jack Gibbs work. An open and empathic
communication can not be done in unsupportive circumstances. We show the supportive
attitude by (1) descriptive, and not evaluative, (2) spontaneous, not strategic, and (3)
provisional, not very sure.
4. Positiveness
We communicate the positive attitude in interpersonal communication with at least 2
ways: (1) states the positive attitude and (2) positively encourage the person who become
our friends in every interaction we made. Positive attitude refers to at least two aspects of
interpersonal communication. First, interpersonal communication will be built up if someone
has a positive attitude towards themselves.
Second, positive feeling in communication situation is very important for an effective
interaction.

Kedua, perasaan positif untuk situasi komunikasi pada umumnya sangat

penting untuk interaksi yang efektif. There is nothing more fun than to communicate with
people who do not enjoy the interaction or do not react favorably to the situation or
interactions atmosphere.

5. Equality
In every situation, perhaps there is an inequality occurring . One may be smarter than
other. Richer, more handsome or beautiful, or more athletic than others. There was never
any two people who truly equal in all aspects. Apart from this inequality, interpersonal
communication will be more effective if the atmosphere is equal. It means that there should
be a tacit acknowledgment that both sides are equally valued and valuable, and that each
side has something important to give. In an interpersonal relationship characterized by
equality, disagreement and conflict can be viewed as an effort to understand the differences
that surely exist rather than as an opportunity to drop others. Equality does not require that
we accept and approve all the verbal and nonverbal behavior of others. Equality means that
we accept the other side, or in the words of Carl Rogers, equality asks us to give "
unconditional positive appreciation " to others .

3. Effective communication
Given the limited time and resources in communicating, so building the effective
communication

is

indispensable.

Effective

communication

becomes

form

of

communication that is capable of directing the communication to be more accurate, effective

and efficient. Effective communication does not stop when the speaker finish his point.
However, communication is said to be complete when the recipient is able to understand the
message given as expected. Content / material in effective communication competence in
interpersonal communication includes the following aspects:

Verbal and non verbal communication

Active listening skill

Communication with empathy attitude

Here are some techniques in order to get an effective communication:

a) Make sure of what will be communicated and how to communicate (with regard to the
clarity of the message)
b) Use clear and understandable language to the communicant
c) Use the appropriate and adequate communication media if necessary
d) Create a good and right atmosphere of communication (calm atmosphere, not noisy,
comfortable)
e) Listen attentively to what is being expressed by communicant because what is said by
communicant is feedback to the message given by communicator
f)

Avoid unintentional communication. Each communication process should has clear

objectives and done with planning.

g) Remember that communication is a two way processes, in which there should be a

feedback between the communicator and the communicant.
h) Assure that the actions taken are not in contradiction with what was said. In other words,
verbal expression must be in accordance with the non-verbal expression.

4. Communication with empathy (emphatic communication)

Empathy is an ability to feel the feeling of messanger based on messangers perspective
or putting himself in the thought and feeling of others (internal frame of reference), as if he
can feel and understand the emotion condition of others. Empathy also can be described as
an overall acceptance of others. This form of acceptance can be seen in the interaction that
happened. The forms of acceptance are listening to the feeling, looking for any discomfort,
appreciate any concern, also entering to the core of the concern of his clients.
In order for communication with empaty can run well, the communicator should
understand communicants feeling that comes from their signs, in verbal or non verbal sign.
By understand feelings, the communicant feels that he is well accepted and in the end he
will be more open in express his problem. This communication with acceptance and
openness basics will later on be very helpfull in creating smooth communication.

The ability to show empathy in the process of communication involves several

components such as:

Cognitive : understanding and knowing from communicants perspective

Affective: feels the feeling of communicant

Psychomotor : able to describe the feeling from communicants perspective

Comes from any concerns and compassion which are expressed verbally and non
verbally.

Helps communicant to grow positive feeling to himself

Make the communicant feels not threatened and not afraid to express himself and his
emotions.

Ask and tell communicant to share his feelings.

Use verbal and non verbal communication as a form of understanding of what is felt by
communicant

Express verbally what is felt by communicant

Here are some examples to communicate with empathy:

I can understand the worried that you feel right now.

I can understand if you are so confusing, mr Budi....

It looks like mr Adi is so sad...

It looks like you are very worry....

You are so upset maamif there is someone who can...

I can feel that you are very confuse now

If I were you... I also will feel sad confuse angry for what has happened..

Attitude in Communication with empathy

There are five attitudes or ways to present himself physically to fasilitate empathy
communication:

a) Face to face. The meaning og this position is I am ready for you.

b) Maintaining eye contact. Eye contact in the same level means respect communicant and
expressed our desire to keep in communicating.
c) Bending towards communicant. This position shows that we want to hear or listen to
something.
d) Maintaining an open attitude, no legs or arms folded will show openness to
communicate.
e) Stay relax. Still be able to control the balance between tension and relaxation in giving
response to communicant.
Requirements of empathy communication is:
1. Present and involved in conversation
Presents in conversation means the receiver shows seriousness in observing what is
said by communicant who has problem. The presence in conversation is evidenced by the
involvement physical aspect, mental and intellectual of individual. The existance of physical
aspect can be seen in the open posture, eye contact to the other, also a close physical
distance. The existance of mental aspect can be seen in the interest to other so the individu
can concentrate to whom he spoke. If this mental aspect doesnt exist, then it can be seen
from the soaring toughts of the receiver to something else, that is outside of the
conversation purpose. For example he is thinking about the tasks that have not done,
dreaming of something, or developing plans outside conversation. The existance of
intelectual aspect proved by the presence of any understanding focus in the conversation so
the negative commentary to the messanger can be vanished.
2. Actively Listening
Active listening is the ability to keep in touch with others. It is different with passive
listening (hear), actively listening shows a situation full of warmth and togetherness. Pasive
listening just uses ears, while active listening involves feeling and heart. It is not only words
that are being heard but also their feeling.
Skill to Observe

 Give attention physically

Look and open yourself using body language
Keep up the eye contact
Shows face expression and other sign to indicate the interest in what others are
saying

Following Talk Skill

Do not interrupt or deflect conversation
Asking a relevant question so that the answer will not only be Yes or No
Do not take over the role and asking too many questions
Keep silent but paying full attention

The disclosure is to say with other words what is being told by the speaker, to check if

you heard it correctly. You do not judge to the content of what they are saying.
To disclosure something, you may use sentences such as:
So you are saying-- So you are thinking-- Looks like you are saying-- etc
Perform reflection:
Telling others what are you thinking about their feeling
Such as: you look angry?
Seems that you are disappointed?
Paraphrasing :
Say it with other words with the same meaning to what have been told to you to get an
exact understanding.
Such as: if I am not mistaken?

 So are you saying that?

Focusing:
Talking about the main problem
Such as: from all of your saying, which one is the most important?

Example of uneffective communication

Rivet on his own thought about what would he say he doesnt pay attention to what
others saying
Cut off the conversation and then ecpress his own opinion
Selectively listening to what he wants to hear.
Cut off others talk and deflect the statement according to his will

5. Barrier in Communication
Barrier in communication may become a big problem because it complicates and maybe
frustrating for people to communicate each other in understanding the meaning of each.
Some barriers in interpersonal communication such as:
a. Physical barriers : distance, room with a closed door.
b. Perception : every person has their own perception, understanding and thought
c. Emotion : an emotional person tends to not thinking clearly, a person who is
easily suspicious, and over distrust
d. Culture : determine someones behaviour
e. Language : the differences in language will hamper the understanding in
communication

f.

Gender : related to logic and emotion

6. Steps of Communication
1.

Greetings

2.

Introducing yourself

3.

Asking for talking/discussing

7. Communications Competence
The competence of communication refers to your ability to communicate effectively. This
competence include things like knowledge about environments role (context) influence the
content and form of the communication message (such as, the knowledge that a topic
maybe suitable to be communicated to certain listener in a certain environment, but maybe it
may not suitable for other listener and environment). The knowledge about procedure of
nonverbal behaviours (such as propriety of touch, loud voice, also physical closeness) are
also a part of communication competence.
By increasing your competence, you will get many option to behave. The more you know
about communication (means the higher your competency), the more options you may have
to communicate in a daily life. This process is similar to the process of learning vocabulary:
the more words you know (means, the more your vocabulary competence), the more ways
you may have to express yourself.