Negotiation Skills

Negotiating Skills Will Get You Ahead

By Garrett Coan

Negotiating skills can help you manage lots of different kinds of life situations,
both at work and in your personal relationships. Here are a few examples of
where these skills can help you build an even better life for yourself:

1. Many family situations require negotiating with others. Deciding which

movie to see, planning how to spend money, choosing a vacation spot,
and many other decisions work best when you have these skills.
2. Being a good negotiator enables you to get what you want more often
without resorting to becoming aggressive or pushy. Negotiating with
others is more effective than simply demanding what you want or just
caving in.
3. You will be more successful in the workplace if you know how to
negotiate. These skills enable you to stand up for yourself and get
what you want more often without harming relationships with bosses
and coworkers.
4. Negotiation skills increase your personal effectiveness in any group
situation, such as volunteer groups, the PTO, and church or
synagogue groups.
5. Knowing how to negotiate lessens the chances that others will take
advantage of you.
6. Negotiating a fair solution makes you feel good about yourself and
increases others' respect for you.

What Successful Negotiators Do

What exactly is negotiation? It is a set of skills that anyone can learn.

When researchers have observed the behavior of negotiators, they learned
that the most successful negotiators do the following things:
1.

They plan ahead. Successful negotiations are rarely spontaneous.

Taking the time to analyze the situation and think through your strategy
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is perhaps the most important element of negotiating success. This is

true whether you are negotiating an important contract for your
employer or negotiating your vacation plans with your family. Example:
Anthony wants to begin running again to get into better physical shape.
He became a new father 18 months ago and has had no time to
exercise. He anticipates that Belinda, his wife, will resist any
discussion of his wanting to take time for himself, since the
responsibilities of parenthood are so time-consuming. For a while, he
avoids the subject, fearing that it will turn into an argument. Then he
starts to feel angry and resentful. He decides to negotiate with Belinda
and begins by making a list of his needs and wants, as well as her
needs and wants.
2.

They are willing to consider a wide range of outcomes and options

rather than rigidly insisting on a specific result. Negotiators who are
most successful are open-minded and avoid being locked in to one
outcome. They are willing to consider many possibilities and
combinations of options.
Example: Lisa is feeling very stressed by the long commute to her job.
She was thinking of resigning until she decided to make a list of other
options. She came up with several alternatives: working from home two
days a week, working part-time rather than full-time, working flexible
hours to avoid rush hour traffic, and working from home every fourth
week.

3. They look for common ground rather than areas of conflict.

Pointing out areas where you and the other person are already in
agreement conveys an attitude of cooperation and lessens any feeling
of opposition. Example: Sandy wants her next car to be a Volvo
because of their reputation for safety. George wants a sports car. She
says, Lets talk about what we agree on. First, we both agree that the
car has to have a strong safety record. Second, we want to buy a new
car, not a used one like last time. And third, weve set our price range as
$40,000 or less.
4. They discuss the key issues in order of priority. Have a clear idea of
what the two or three key issues are and which is the most important.
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Start with the most important issues and proceed to those that matter
less. If you can reach agreement on the most important things, the
lesser issues will most likely be easier to resolve.
Example: Carol wants her next family vacation to be something really
specialeither a Caribbean cruise or a trip to San Francisco. She and
her family have visited relatives or stayed at home for the past few years.
She wants the family to have an experience they will always remember
before Todd, their adolescent son, grows up and moves away. She sees
the key issues as follows: (1) There are only three years left before Todd
leaves. He is not likely to join us for a vacation after he finishes school;
(2) It is important to have an exceptional vacation at least once in your
life; (3) If we plan ahead and save the money, we will be able to afford
the cost of such a trip.

5. Skillful negotiators avoid behavior that the other person is likely to

consider annoying. This includes any of the following kinds of behavior:
having an aggressive or intimidating manner, using sarcasm, using
negative body language, or talking loudly. Not only do skilled
negotiators avoid such behavior, they work hard at conveying an
attitude of cooperation, reasonableness, openness, and friendliness.
Example: Jed is negotiating the details of his new job with his new
employer in the Chicago area. When Jed moves from Memphis to
Chicago to begin work, he wants Sarah, his new boss, to give him
three paid days off to get settled in his new apartment. Sarah is
resisting the idea. Jed says, I thought you would be more
understanding about what it takes to get settled. A reasonable person
would see that this is a small request. This sarcastic remark is likely to
create some doubts in Sarahs mind rather than convince her to give
Jed what he wants.
6.

Good negotiators avoid participating in a defend/attack spiral. You

know what this sounds like:

A attacks B

B defends herself and attacks A

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A defends herself and attacks B

B defends herself and attacks A

Weve all experienced being caught in one of these spirals and know
how nonproductive they are. Rather than perpetuating such a process,
the successful negotiator puts a stop to it by choosing not to say
anything that would be perceived as aggressive or defensive.
Example
Jim:

A
I

cant

believe

you

are

being

so

rigid.

Anne: Rigid! You should talk! You are completely bull-headed.

Jim: Right! You should try listening to yourself. You are impossible.
Example
Jim:
Anne:

B
I

cant

Youre

believe
not

happy

you
with

are
what

being
Ive

so
asked

rigid.
for.

Jim: Youre damn right! You have to consider what I want.

Anne: Tell me more about it, then. Ill be happy to listen.
In example A, Jim and Anne dig themselves in deeper with each
statement. In example B, Anne blocks the defend/attack spiral and
makes it possible for communication to resume.
With practice, you can learn to use these simple skills to get more of
what you want in lifewithout coming across like a bully. In fact, these
skills help you reach agreements that are more likely to satisfy both
parties while maintaining a positive relationship. Try them in your work
life or at homethey work equally well in either setting.
http://www.ego4u.com/en/business-english/infos/negotiating-skills

Negotiating - A Contact Sport

In our lives we have two basic choices, to take control or follow.

Negotiating is a contact sport. To be effective you must be able to persuade
others to listen to your arguments, consider the arguments, and decide that
they want to help you in some way achieve your goals.
They do not need to decide that you are right. They do need to want to help
you or allow you to proceed toward your goal.
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This is simple leadership. Managers must motivate employees to do their jobs

allowing the manager to succeed. Teachers must motivate students to study
and produce homework and learn. Parents must convince their children not to
play in the street, do drugs or otherwise step in harms way recklessly.
Whenever two or more people come in contact there will be some level of
conflict. It may be as simple as passing on a narrow mountain path next to a
sheer canyon wall or as complex as working out a peace accord between
vying nations.
Resolving the disparate interests is a matter of establishing a commonality of
interests. Leaders are adept at forging such realignment of individual interests.
Individuals do the same when resolving conflict. They persuade others to
consider alternatives in the hopes of reaching a mutually agreeable solution.

The Art of Persuasion

"Yes" is what we all strive to make another person say. The objective of
negotiating is to inspire or coerce the other person to agree to your terms.
Persuading others is the art of the process.
People can be motivated by many things. Simple fear, a desire to be liked,
respect for the other person, or simple avarice and greed. Each are motivators
in a negotiation.
In most negotiations we assume that the prime motivators are avarice
and greed. It is the use of other, less obvious motivators that makes the
difference between those who barter and those who negotiate. Bartering is an
exchange, typically a fair exchange of like value. Negotiating has the potential
of creating value from the process. It is much like making 1+1=11 rather than
2.
There are many persuasion techniques. They all play off the core
psychological drivers that effect most people. They represent the basic
negotiating tools most of us use consciously or unconsciously.
One such technique is the use of classical conditioning when trying to
persuade others. The Pavlovian model can be effective. Ivan Pavlov studied
the cause, effect and reaction relationship and how consistent repetition of a
reward or punishment can reinforce a specific performance. The important
lesson is that the subject need not understand the cause but learns to relate
or anticipate the response to the action.

A consistent emotional response, positive or negative, on your part can

be used to condition the other person to react in a specific way. This
persuasion tactic involves reinforcing positive performance such as reaching
an agreement with you with a positive emotional reaction.
People want to please others. It is human nature.

If you proactively reinforce their performance when you reach an

agreement with something with a sincere smile or handshake or appreciative
gesture, you will be establishing a reinforced relationship subliminally. You
can do the same with negative incentive such as frowning, feigned anger or
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frustration. The key is consistent reinforcement on small matter to build the

performance pattern.
Like it or not, everyone uses persuasion throughout their lives. There is no
way around it. Whether dealing with a spouse, child, boss, employee, peer,
ally, school mate, date, teacher, banker or car salesman, we are trying to hear
that special word, "Yes!"
If you are unable to convince others to your way of thinking, you will
constantly be doing their bidding or lose the relationship. Rather than
resenting others who are telling you what to do realize that it is your fault, not
theirs that you are not more persuasive.

Creative Thinking: 8 Steps To Improve Your Persuasive Skills

Reviews of the oral communication and persuasion research has identified a

number of suggestions that can help you improve your persuasive skills:
1.

Establish your credibility. Nothing undermines persuasive efforts

more than a lack of credibility. People dont want to listen to a person they
dont trust and respect. Develop your expertise in the area in which you are
trying to influence others. By being warm and friendly and making sure that
your information is reliable, you can develop mutual trust with influencees. A
dynamic presentation style also helps, as does a good reputation with
others whom the influencee might consult about your ideas and intentions.
2.

Use a positive, tactful tone. Assume the person youre trying to

persuade is intelligent and mature. Dont talk down to that person. Be

respectful, direct, sincere, and tactful.
3.

Make your presentation clear. In the event persuasion is successful,

what exactly do you want to accomplish? This delineation of an objective

should guide your presentation. Present your argument one idea at a time.
4.

Present strong evidence to support your position. You need to

explain why what you want is important. You should demonstrate with
strong supporting evidence why someone should do as you wish. The
responsibility for building the case lies with you.
5.

Tailor your argument to the listener. To whom are you talking?

What are the persons goals, needs, interests, fears, and aspirations? How
much does the listener know about the subject yourre discussing? Does the
person have preconceived views on this subject? If so, how do they align
with yours? How does this person like to be treated? What is his or her
behavioral style? Answering questions like these can help you define the
right persuasion strategy to use.

6.

Appeal to the subjects self-interest. To persuade people effectively,

you need to understand what makes them tick. Then you can put yourself
into their position when you make a request. An individuals behavior is
directed toward satisfying self-interests. You need to appeal to that selfinterest by anticipating, before you make any demands, that the subject will
ask, Whats in it for me?
7.

Use logic. A logical, reasoned argument is not guaranteed to

persuade the subject, but if you lack facts and reasons to support your
argument, your persuasiveness almost certainly will be undermined.
8.

Use emotional appeals. Presenting clear, rational, and objective

evidence in support of your views is often not enough. You also should
appeal to a persons emotions. Try to reach inside the subjects and
understand their loves, hates, fears, and frustrations. Then use that
information to mold what you say and how you say it.

Source: Training Interpersonal Skills, Stephen P. Robbins & Phillip L.

Hunsaker
Read also: How to differentiate Values and Critical Thinking The Socratic
Method