CAST LIST ACT ONE (is order of appearance) ‘MAIN CHARACTERS BUGSY MALONE. BRONX CHARLIE FLASH FRANKIE BLOUSEY DOODLE KNUCKLES FATSAM Fu Louls ‘SNAKE EYES "TALULA ODREARY CAPTAIN SMOLSKY RITZY DANDY DAN LEROY MINOR CHARACTERS Laughing Boy Benny Lee | Hoods onto ony febinson Undertakers (2) Viainise Barber Gil Singers (9) Pop Becker Rati Announcer Wallrese English Reporter Foreign Reporters 1and 2 Lovells Calle Butler Tile Corset Gocar de Vole ine Nentlogust Dungy Lesa Maret ‘Sound Mian ‘Seymour Scoop Sta (Chinese Laundry Workers Eouelia Calle Walter TSoney Be 3 Bergonal Boxers Cages oe Picket Nelo Deven and Ovts Cooks ‘Bball Guards Babyface Policemen louse lights on. BUSCH Malone plved Instrumental Black, Ominws pian MU yt on tte, Rony Robinson eer ang ‘he ounce gages S20" BUGSY (0.5) Someone once said, iit was raining brains, GSY (0-5 on mould even got we. In ll of New York oxy fbiowe much dumber than Boxy the Weasel. To beffank, Roxy was a dope. Roxy neously run right and loft across the tage. Seared. 0.8. we ory eral peg ear fre: slamming ear doors; tee BRONX CHARLIE (OS) Shoulders, the alleyway quick, ONX CHARI or Perito’s Benny cover the beck. Yonkers swatch the sidewall “Phe Hoods enter stag lef: Bronx Charlie, Laughing Boy, Benny Tegan Yonkers Roxy topped ‘The Hleods slouy wok foward him, Roxy backs aca, taking off his Fe Hoods vooase”. Over tise hear BUGSY (0.5) Dumb as Roxy was, he could smell trouble like GSY (0 Se evul smell gas. But he should never have ther noopljind alley bythe sie of Perito's Bakery. BRONX CHARLIE Your name Robinson? ROXY Un huh (Nod) BRONX CHARLIE Roxy Robinson? ROXY Un huh (Nods) BRONX CHARLIE Also known as Roxy the Weasel? ROXY Un buh (ods) BRONX CHARLIE ‘The same Roxy the Weasel who works for Fat Sam? ROXY Ub huh (ods)Roxy is splurged and the Hoods walk off A jump and. click of the hes. Acsompanving muss BUGSY (0S) Whatever game it was that everyone was playing, sure as eggs is eggs, Roxy Robinson had been well And erly scrambled Tuo Undertakers wath on and carry ofthe stiffened body of Roxy. tnder ther arma ikea alors dummy. A Violino playing ofanera ‘melody tls behind them Light up on Barber cuting Flash Frankie's hair. Rei sound tiles ofa hore-ave Enter Bagey sage ght BUGSY (to audience) Now, the guy inthe chair here i Flash Frankie. The best lawyer in New York. Sure, he's a litle shady, but he's the best... believe me, Flash Frankie's silver tongue can get a guy’ out af jail quicker than a truck Toad of dynamite, ‘The Hoods from previous scene again enter, dramatically. Flash Frankie splurged, ass he Barber The Undertakers ove Dich upthe eifened,spturged Boes ond ext They spot Bugsy {oho recrenly pacers hal eel acer Fran's pred foe The Violinist hasbeen playing throughout and exits withthe Undertakers BUGSY Now, as you can see, something kind of fishy is going ‘on here. To be perfectly honest, Im beginning to wonder ‘whats going on myself. T mean this play's ony just Started and already the siage is full of stiffs! Oh, by the ‘vay, you're prebably wondering who | am. My name's Malone, Bugsy Malone. Light up on Three Giel Singers lf of stage, who sng into an old Fashioned microphone, the BUGSY MALONE: song ishioh te hea Under the Subsequent ston Bugsy Malone He's a sinner Candy-costed Forall his fiends He always seems tobe alone But they love him Bugsy Malone Ait slicker He can charm you With a smile and a style all his own Everybody loves thet man Bugsy Malone Hotsheaded Bugsy makes his mind up Bes wih Bug youl windup Wishing youd left well enough alone Hesaman,ameuntain Hosa roling stone ad will he Teave you Sad and lonely, crying? Teouldn't say, but i's known ‘That everybody wants that man Bugsy Malone ie song, Bugsy crosses right. Paay walks on 200K EMPORIUM ~ A Bo READ ONE, LEARN A LITT tena counton above IS CHEAPER THAN A STEAK, AND EAT BETTER: Pop Becker Inns behind the counter. Fly gives Bugsy «shoe ‘hth throughoat the scene, Bugay reads hs espa rtrading fram it ugey looks up from his newspaper and eves her down. Blouses hande Pop Becker a pisces maper Pop U wr the Three Git! je BUGSY BUGSY ‘to Blousey) Hi, how you doing? I'm BUGSY ¥BLOUSEY Zip the lip, wisey. Pm in no mood for conversa BUGSY You dont like me? BLOUSEY Listen, wisey.'m surprised you don' ‘ll that dandruff on your shoulders. p with Bugsy self-consciously brushes his shoulders. Pop Becker has ‘eure through the book cas door POP BECKER Honey, you can go in nov. Blousey steps hroush. Flay, who follows her, spake to Bugsy Iefre ducking through he door FIZZY If she's here about the audition, Bugsy, she's got a Tong wait. Every day they tell me to come back tomorrow BUGSY (to audience) Now, you might be wondering what ‘kindof crazy place this ie ~ with people disappearing into book cates, Wel, firstly, this neighbourhood ain’ for dumb ‘bums and secondly, this bookstore ain't no book store. This is Fat Sam's place ~ Fat Sams Grand Slam — liveliest joint intown, He pushes of the book sheloes and the stage i it fll for the rst time. The ‘BUGSY MALONE? song which hasbeen playing contin. ously aver the previous scene pes ea othe oud an energete RATSAMS GRAND SLAM hong. The sage fll and bat. Phe Fat Sam's Grand Slam Anybody who is anybody ‘Will soon walk through that door AUPat Sam's Grand Slam speakeasy Always able to find you a table ‘There's room for just one more At Fat Sam's Grand Slam speakeasy *Once you get here Feel the good cheer Like they say in the poem Fat Sam's ain't humble But its your home-sweet-home Plans are made here Games are played here TTeould write me a Boole Bach night astounds you Rumours are abuzzing Stories by the dozen Look around you cousin tthe neva we're making here “Anybody who is anybody ‘Will soon wal through that door At Fat Sam's Grand Slam speakeasy See the politician Sitting by the kitchen Said he caught his fingers In the well he was wishing in Repeat ‘The number ends ond we se Bugey and Blouseyeolide centre front orage BUGSY Ouch, look where you're going will you Bugey rubs hie shin BLOUSEY I'm sorry, Im truly sorry. Oh i's you, Dandraf. BUGSY Don't worry, I've had a shampoo since we ast spoke, ‘That base bal bat could be clasiied as a dangerous seapon you know BLOUSEY My mother made me pack it. BUGSY You're a sports nut? BLOUSEY It's for protection, incase I get robbed. BUGSY Youre a singer, right? BLOUSEY Thot depends on your taste in music. I'm here about a job BUGSY Did you get the job? BLOUSEY They said come bark tomorrow BUGSY They always do. What's your name anyway? BLOUSEY Brown, BUGSY Sounds like a loaf of breed. BLOUSEY Blousey Brown, BUGSY Sounds lke a stale laf ofbread, BLOUSEY Keep your jokes behind your teeth, wisey. BUGSY Pleased to meet you. I'm Bugsy Malonecoming in of gangland incident on the Lower East Side invalving a certain Robert Robinson, known tothe poli as "Roxy the Weasel”, believed tobe a member ofthe Hoods from before ricard acratsage Many poops or splurge. The Hoods ms rang of alleged Mobster King, Pat Sam Stacett, Rebinson itr ext. On ofthe Hoods, an anfortuoe called Doodle, drop Se ee ae of the precious splurge guns. H a a reporter on the spot for a - Sock bre BRONX CHARLIE Tae gua, Doodle! You dummy! Get the Light oun on Radio Annonneer, Light wp on Fat Sam's rom on rusted henna sit od te nt FATSAM Sotell me how you allow this to happen? Roxy ‘was one of my best, What ha ake Eyes? Call yourselves hoodlums, You're a var profession. Do you Rear me? A disgrace. And most ofall youre a disgrace to me. Fat Sam, rowdy. He goes tothe drinks cabinet and gts ou He pate his ver oforangefulce. The gong are ery slaseand od FATSAM And we all know who's behind allthis, on' we? GANG Sure, Boss. a FATSAM You don't need a hail of brains to know that, do renembers ofthe gang oe GANG Certainly not, Bos. is means trouble FATSAM Weall know who's monkeying us around, ae ? GANG Sure do, Boss, FATSAM Sovwho isit, you dummies? ‘te GANG Dandy Dan, Boss FATSAM Dor dare mention his name in thi Radio Announcer. Fat Sam hos fallen off chair in excitement. lazy pokes his aad Boss r, how about my suditionFATSAM Am going mad? Are my ears playing tricks on ‘me? Come back tomorrow, Fizzy FIZZY But today is tomorrow, Mr Sam, FATSAM Fizzy, will you get out ofhere? Fat Sam lunges ot Fany and in the process trips over Pazy' bucket. ‘Ones ogain the gang pack him ap and Brash him down LOUIS You OK. Boss? SNAKE EYES Take it easy Boss, you'll break something, FATSAM_ Break something? Sure Il break something, ‘Snake Eyes. break your dumb neck! Dancers, dancers. Tm surrounded by namby pamby dancers, singers, piano players, banjo players, in whistle players, ata time when Peed brains, You hear me? Brains! Brains and muscles. GANG You got us Boss. Knuckles iokes the sda syphon in order to top up Fat Sam's orange Jutce Fat Sam bode ou the pass Kouckles gueezs nd misses. ‘The soda spray slashes eserywhare bu nthe glass, Mostly, 1 goes on Fat Sum ho drenched and naturally frou. FATSAM You! You manure face... you...you... great ‘hunk of lard! Your trouble is you've got muscle where you fought to have brains [tll you, my pet canary’ got more ‘brains than you! You dumb salami! He pulls Knuckle’ hat over hs head. Snatching the ada yphon, he Hots into Knuckle’ face tay, Angelo, Louls, ond Snake yen tage: Their face change as Fat Sam sal them round the FATSAM Sowhat's fanny? He squirts the syphon a al of them. GANG Nothing Boss. Aaaasaaah! Light out on Fat Sam's ofc, Light up on Bugsy and Blousey who el and to ie Ban ol tig bend hr. She {EIU uninterene in BUGSY Can I give yous lit? BLOUSEY You got acar? 8 BUGSY Er, no BLOUSEY ‘Then how you gonna give mea lift, Buster? Put me in an elevator? BUGSY Its nice night, we could walk. Which way you soing? BLOUSEY Which way you going? BUGSY This way. Points ie?) BLOUSEY Then Im going this way. (Moves off right) BUGSY Let me carry your bag atleast, Have you eaten? BLOUSEY Eversince I was a child BUGSY Then how eome you'r BLOUSEY I watch my weight BUGSY Yeah, I do that when Tm broke too. You bungry? BLOUSEY No BUGSY You're not hungry? BLOUSEY No, starving 10 skinny smartie? ‘A table with a red check tablotth has Been Broughton centre age. A itlter holds the chair ou for Blousey fost down. The Violinist Utah on ond plays his tin. The ation Is continuous, a8 the Alolague, Other ables wih chek lhe are Brought on and peop st iA untt full restaurant i rete A surly tars comes. ‘howing gum. She lo very bored as she watts BUGSY Are you going back to the speakeasy tomorrow? BLOUSEY Erno, I'm gonna try my luck at the Bijoux “Theatre BUGSY The Lena Marelli Show? BLOUSEY She's walked out, They're looking for = replacement. BUGSY Oh, she walks out every woek and every week they Thave auditions and every week she walks back again, But don't let me put you of BLOUSEY You won't. What do you do? BUGSY Ob, this and that. BLOUSEY Oh, crooked huh BUGSY No, not quite, find fighters, boxers. Infact Iwas a fighter myself once, pretty good to.BLOUSEY You were? BUGSY Sure, Tcould have been a champion, BLOUSEY You could? BUGSY Sure, but for» couple of things BLOUSEY Like what? BUGSY Like jelly lege, and a glass jaw BLOUSEY Some champion BUGSY T' do well for a couple of rounds but Iwas about as {ough asa bal of cotton wool. This jaw (Points) hed more flass init than Macy's window. One punch was enough to fend me back tothe dresting room ~ generally on 8 Stretcher, The)" slap my face, get aut the smelling Salts and fd come round kidding myself it was e lucky punch, How many times ean it bea lucky punch? Ten [ ‘ised up, before my face looked like a pate of mashed potatoes, LHe pushes his ear and nose fo resemble punched-up bayer) could have been a contender, Chatie, (Blerion Brando voice) Blousey laughs, Bugsy hess his fingers and ouckes her nose WAITRESS (chewing) Lock Buddy, incase you're ‘wondering, | aint part ofthe furniture. (Pronounced BUGSY Er...n0, well Srizona doug! 1 to Banana Boorles fd chocolate ance, ‘and e coke with two straws hr Lent thre is pandemonium on toss again, Bugey on Blouses fl roves the Hoods rush inane we andere ie BUGSY Weean't go on meeting like this, Lights down Lights up ox English Reporter in lephone ENGLISH REPORTER Now get this, news desk ‘been a frightfully bad show here in America chaps and this 2 Yanks have gone too far and what's more it just pot eiekel. And, aT speak, there's «pitch battle going on here and FOREIGN REPORTERS 1 AND 2. (Similar tothe above but ‘m appropriate feign languages ) Lighte down to lack Much commotion. Lighe up agin and the three intrepid reportere are froen By ther phones eosred nec at usted pi Lights upon Dandy Dan ond Lowella fron of tage in theirarm ‘hair. Dandy Dan om his sh reeing pou and eros Lael is "lepondy deve in etin. & Callin plays next fo hem. Dandy Dan [bets upand mattches him her off litera (6 tithing the he perhaps LOUELLA Oh honey, don' switch that off, was enjoying that DANDY DAN I have to concentrate, Princess. [have a litle ‘business to attend to, A Butler ha entered BUTLER [ve shown Me Bronx Charlie and Company into ‘the conservatory, Sir LOUELLA. But aint you gonna play no more, honey? DANDY DAN. Later my rose lat DANDY DAN Hi boys. OX. relax. Wall, guys, Pe like to ‘ake this opportunity of thenking you for your work 0 fa Everything's gone swell just swe BRONX CHARLIE Thanks Boss. DANDY DAN Fat Sam must have had Dandy Dan has out Doodle Bronx Charlie, Laughing Boy, Sh Lee, any moment now, Fat Sam will be ere Phe Butler alts on with a tray af custard pis, Dood lo mpty hand: There seem tobe some miataDOODLE Er... Idon'thave a fower Boss Dandy Dan ign DANDY DAN Soon all Fat Sam will have is the clothes he stands up in and a suitease ull of memories. DOODLE Er... what about my fower Boss? don't haves. dower Dandy Da on Hoods surround hi DANDY DAN You gooféd, Doodle. You dropped the gun. And T don't allow mistakes inthis out, ‘cause mistakes could put us all in the caboose and Sing Sing sin my atsle DOODLE No Boss please no. I didn't mean to drop the gun, Thonest I didn't Itjust kind of sipped out of my hands: Any guy can make a mistake DANDY DAN Button your lip, Doodle... you're all washed up. DOODLE Boss, give mea break. Boss! hey throw ther pig a lve range. Doodle freczes and the Hoods eyo his sf body Lights doen Light up onthe opposite id of sage, front, where Fizzy sweeps wp, Fe whistis his sng, The chore gute, Tl, Loretta, Dotty and TILLIE. Night Fizy FIZZY Night Miss Tillie. Night Miss Loretta, Bangle gues him a huge hug and hiss, iting him ito the wir, much (oxy pleasure Night Miss Banglee sam comes down the ter, flowed by the thf Knuckles, he his bmockleeabelcae. FATSAM Stop crackin’ your knuckles, Knuckles. KNUCKLES But it's how I got my name Boss. FATSAM Well knock tof, or change your name. (C. 2 Tallulah, are you ready? How much longer do you wa ‘TALLULAH (0.S.)_ Coming honey. You don't want me Hooking 8 mess, do you? Fat Sam pas up ond down nerosouly. Knuckles paces obedintly FIZZY Br, Mr Sam, about my audition. FAT SAM Later Fizzy, I'm busy right now. Keep practising... Til tee you tomorrow... T promise you, Eomorrow FIZZY But yesterday you said tomorrow Boss Tallulah has appeared, momentarily letting Sam off the hook. FATSAM (up o Tallulah) Tallulah! You spend more time prettying yourself up than there's time in the day TALLULAH Listen, honey, if didnt look chs good, you ‘wouldn't give me the time of day. Fat Sam storms of, frasroed Knueldes fellows FATSAM Til s¢e 90 that Knuckles KNUCKLES Sorry Boss, it just slipped out TALLULAH Night Fizzy. Kiss) FIZZY Night Miss Tallulah inthe car. fo Knuckles) Don't do Fizzy i alone in the epeakoty. He singe and dances also, if possible Meee Tomorross ‘Tomorrow ‘Tomorrow never comes What kind ofa fot Dothey take me for? Tomorrow 2 resting place for bums ‘A trap setin the slums But Tknow the score won't take no for an answer Twas born ta be a dancer nowSINGER Veli OSCAR DE VELT SINGER Bu OSCAR DE VELTand the Dammy aghchcking dancers wha f y's Blouses tah BLOUSEY Blousey Brown. Singer. OSCAR DE VELT The light, honey BLOUSEY (nervously). Er, sorry Mr De Velt, [didnt catch that OSCAR DE VELT The light, honey, Move into the light. So wwe can see you. This musical aint set in a mine shaft Name? SEY Blousey Brown, Singer: As Blousey opens her mouth sing, Lena Marrell storms down the LENA. Oscar, Oscar. 'm back! IM give you one more hance, else Im out for good, You hear me, Oscar. Out! Out! Out sear has welcomed her and joined her as she walks on tage, Lena (ater cur the spotlight from Blouse catiy dismissing her. LENA. O.K. honey, Beat it back to Towa, this show has got its star beck. Lena's come home, Hitt, Joe! ‘The Pianist begins. Lena belts out horrid show busines song Lena sings rt verse of her song ad the sot follows her ofas Tareorieon singing inthe winge Light on the tne of ax ‘Dhar rather dgeted They disperse different aircon, Bugsy ins Blousey whe sis onthe edge of the stage BUGSY Cheer up, there's a million other jobs BLOUSEY dimes in. Sure, onthe street corner with hat to eateh the She hicks ata stack of cardboard boxe all ofeostumes BUGSY Iesonly a matter of time, Look, coo it will you? BLOUSEY I've been walking the streets of New York for six months now and the only faney steps I've done sofa are avoiding the man who collects the rent BUGSY Soi takes time to be a movie star! We could come BLOUSEY Come back tomoreow! Come back tomorrow Thats all lever hear. l=pent my whole li once mor. They tape nto the BUGSY Knock it off wll you Blousey! Cool down! BLOUSEY 1 will nt ool down! I wil not Blousey has sot down on a bor. She has her hed inher hand Shing Bug contr her, hand on her sou He aa er BUGSY Don't worry, there's always Fat Som’ place. BLOUSEY He won't see me BUGSY [il talk to him, BLOUSEY You know him! BU Know him? Were lke that (He erasse his fingers) BLOUSEY Real good friends BUGSY No, not exactly, I's just that when I talk tohim I ‘cross my’ fingers that he won't hit me. Light up on Radio Announcer, stage. The red‘ON AIR’ sgn the neue from theses of RADIO ANNOUNCER We interrupt our commentary on tonight's exeiting Red-Sox ball-game to bring you a further bulletin on developments inthe latest outbreak of hoodlum gang warefare, Police n atthe new freapon, of devious foreign manufacture, known a3 The Splurge Gun is being widely used by the mobster gangs, ‘We interrupt our nterruplion to go straight over to our reporter, Seymour Scoop, who is onthe spot atthe latest splurging Curtain up Light om centre stage, Upturnd restaurant tables We soe‘Sound Ma SEYMOUR SCOOP 08 DREARY i SEYMOUR Sco ODREARY No.1 we the SEYMOUR SCOOP : 0P oe of the g SMOLst « SMOLSKY Now, we know there were ive guys here. Wh ‘else did you see? VIOLINIST Nutting. [see nute SMOLSKY You must have seen someting VIOLINIST. Nuttink. Honestly Mr Cop. [see nuttink. I ‘on the be i year 1 got papers. [O.K. I see nuttink just play musi. I mind own business, Lno need cement O'Dresry brushes ausay onthe or with his P er ODREARY Captain, I found something SMOLSKY What isit O'Dres ODREARY A brush, Captain? SMOLSKY No, what have you found? ODREARY A gun, Captain? SMOLSKY What kind of sun? ODREARY A biz gun, Captain? SMOLSKY Koucklchead. Isend you on a sx month finger print course and all you can tell me ie =a big un! hoodl brained Irish stew-pot. (Smolsky bashes him We hear the BUGSY MALONE” song, Bugey comes on stag ‘One spot. He resumes his role asthe nar BUGSY As you've probably gathered, Smolsky and ODrear have about as much chanoe of solving this ease a8 [have of being President of the United States, Apart from the ubway home the only thing Smalsky ever caught was Asian Fla Meanwhile back in our story, Fat Sam is definitely getting a itle nervous —L mean you had ¢ gang of dumb bums like this to rely on you'd be nervous Fat Sam's Geng enter from stage loft Lights up os they sing and dance their song They are not the greet dancers tn teHoops Bad Guys! Song ‘We could have been anything that we wanted tobe But don't it make your heart glad ‘That we decided, a Tact we take pride in ‘To become the best at being bad ‘We could have been anything that we wanted tobe ‘With all the calent we had. No doubt about i, we fight and we tout it Were the very best at being bad guys Were rotten to the ore (My congratulations, no-one likes you any more ad guys, we're the very worst Bach of us contemptible, we're criticised and cursed We made the bg time, malicious and mad We're the very best at being bad We could have been anything that we wanted to be We tok the easy way out With litle training we mastered complaining ‘Manners seemed tnnecestary, we're 30 rude i's slmost ‘We could have been anything thet we wanted to be With all the talent we had With litle practice, we made overy black lst We're the very bet at being bad Hey, look at me, Tm dancing Were the very best at being bod Were the very best at being bad at Sam comes don fi om hs fee FATSAM What the heck is going on here, you dummies? ‘Can [believe my eyes? You bunch af peanut brains, you hear me? Get up here, pronta. Snap it up. Get your legs ‘movin’ in this direction! ‘The Gang go up int Fat Sams office, Snake Byes throws he dice on be Knuekles cracks hie haces uit throwin’ the dice, Snake Byes, SNAKE EYES Sorry, Boss FATSAM And quit crackin’ the knuckles, Knuckles. KNUCKLES Sorry, Bos, FATSAM. weer I'm surrounded by a bunch ofnervous 20 wrecks. (Twitch) Right. Lets start atthe beginning. We're being outsmarted by that lounge lizard, right? GANG Right, Boss FATSAM And we're gonna get right back on tp. Right? GANG Right back on top, Boss. FATSAM We've gonna kick that drugstore cowhoy right into line GANG You bet, Boss. FAT SAM (humble) Sure. We've heen alittle slow off the mark, but when it comes tothe eunch, dumb bums we GANG No~ dumb bums we aint UUnconvincing, They ook and sound remarkably ike dumb bums to the oudieno FATSAM Now, I'm gonna tell you knuckleheads where we're going wrong, Louis. Stand against the wall LOUIS Who me, Boss? FATSAM Are you Shake Down Louis? LOUIS Sure Iam, Bos. FATSAM The same Shake Down Louis who used tobe Harvey Spleendecker before’ I gave you the name Shake Down Louis? LOUIS Yeah, that's me, Boss. FATSAM (shouting) Then stand against the wall, porridge brain. Ritzy, hand me apie Ritzy honds him a mean-loking custard pe LOUIS A pio, Boss? What Ido wrong? Talk to me boss. Tell ime what [did wrong! FATSAM You didn't do nothin’ Louis. Nothin’. (He throws the pie, but Louis ducks: Th pie splatters the wal. See What T mean? Missed. O.K. Louie you ean sit down now. See, even a dumb mug like Louis is too quick for us. That's the root of our trouble, We're behind the times, KNUCKLES 1 don't ge t, Boss. FATSAM_ Knuckles, we're never gonna got on top with this kind of hardware. it's old-fashioned. Obsolete. Befunet, Ta short... wo gotta get ourselves that gun. aLight goes down on office. A light goes up lf sage & shady losing ‘haracer ook fs Hers desea SHADY Hello Sam, Light up just on Fat Sam. FATSAM Yeah, start gabbin’ SHADY [located the guns FATSAM Spill, Shady. Spill SHADY Yoa know the Hung Fu FATSAM On East 14th Street? SHADY That's it, 2nd Floor. Behind the laundry FATSAM Thanks, Shady. Il ee you're O.K. Good boy, Dis i goed news Tll be sending my boys laundry? Lights down on Fat Sama, Shady Dandy Den ho pays out ongp dolar stage where he meats from his roadie chin DANDY DAN Good work, Shady. You earned your money SHADY Thanks, Dandy Dan, DANDY DAN. Sem's boys ane in for quite a party. Now get ‘out of Ber. Shoulders has walked on out of Shady’s sight. He hold a pie ot aad height behind Shady. Shady turns and walle sight into ne, Colapce. Bandy Dan rercues his money and returns i As wale, Shoulders, if there's one thing can't abide, it a two timing canary. Lights go down. Phere ia loud nois from the rear ofthe eutorure ‘gr Louls,Ritry ond Snake Eyes burn. Back corie opie Lighte fave gone upon stage revealing © um of Chinese Laundry Workers iho scrub tay with washboard stn athe. Behind hem are our large ound bathets. They tah tn Chinese (Wel sorof Chinese) A sign says HUNG FU SHIN LAUNDRY’ the Gang climb onto the Sage The Chinese Laundsy Workers panic, running inal! dlvecsions and jabboring ewes in Chinese, The Gang foes he ‘Rudteno eating backward nwards the baskets. Sucdens the Bost {lasare throon pen and out spring member of Dan's Gave. DAN'SGANG Freeze! The unfortunate Lou Splurge. Dandy Dan walks on wth Louella. The Undertakers remove the foned bodies f Sam's Gang, The Violinist os olsas Sapmoanis then, phastolly od musiely th onto telethon Ritzy ond Snake Eyes re well and truly LOUELLA Yuk, what a mess, DANDY DAN Just a day's work, my rose, just a day's work — like running a railway or shoeing a horse. LOUELLA. Sam ain't gonns like this, honey. DANDY DAN He ain't gonna do nothin’ about it, my rose, ‘Without hi gang he's like a tortaise without is shel. ‘Soon hell be thin’ in the towel. Dandy Dan and Louella bite ino their apples as they wall of sage. Light up on Sam's office. Keuckles sts onthe edge ofthe desk as ‘Sain tater the phone cal. Bod nts PATSAM_ ... What... [don't believe i! The whole ‘gang? Everybody? Louis, Snake Eyes and Ritsy? I don't believe it Ijust dont believe it He slowly puts the rsscer don FATSAM The whole gang's gone, Knuckles, splurged. That leaves just you and me. Just you and me, Knuckles! We're KNUCKLES What we gonns do, Boss? Knuckles rock his knuckles neroouly. FATSAM Don't do that, Knuckles, How many more tim Ihave I got to tell you! We do nothing. We act Ike nothing’s ‘happened. Carry on as normal. Tutto esa sono buono. KNUCKLES What's that mean, Boes? FATSAM You don't speak Italian?KNUCKLES No, boss FAT SAM (incredulous) You call yourselfa hoodlum and you don't even speak Italian...” KNUCKLES No boss, I'm Jewish FAT SAM_ We play it cool. We relax. Like everything's ‘normal There isa hrock onthe door (Blousey). Sam nearly jump out of hi thin es he leaps Behind his desk for protection. Kreles joins hi Sam ond Knsekles would win ho garde for Braver. here tnother knock Go see who it is, Knuckles. Act normal Knuckles gets up and gingerly opens the door. Is Blouse KNUCKLES It's the broad about the audition, Boss. He's busy lady. Come back tomorrow. Hecloss the door Pat Sam leaps up and opens the door. He calls out ‘Blouse. PATSAM No, wait honey! Wait. (He turns to Knuckles) We fact like norinal, right? So acting normal means acting formal (Out of door) Weil be right there, honey. Make Yourself comfortable, Well be a couple of minutes. Go ower your nose or somethin’ (loses door See just like horinal That say they won't know we're scared to eather, [don't mean seared I mean, er... concerned, We buy ourselves a ttle time. Thinking time, ight Knuckles? Come over here, 'm gonna sen for someone to Delp us outof our little predicament. Noten cent dummy, yout hear. A specialist. He taker photo from his drawer. KNUCKLES (pussled) A doctor, Boss? FATSAM Not a doctor, you bilberry. A hoodlum. KNUCKLES I thought we was hoodlums, Boss, FATSAM Not e dumb bum, Knuckles. This guy’s the real MeCoy KNUCKLES Looney Bergonzi? FATSAM The very same, OfFhis trolley, mad-asa-hattor ‘Bergan, the best man ip Chicago. Right. Here's what we do. ife shatches back the photo) We arrange « meting ‘with Dandy Dan. fe picks up the telephone and dials as he peaks) Bergonai wil be in the back of the ear ~ next Knuckles you drive KNUCKLES Right. (Pause) But I don't drive, Boss. FATSAM You don't drive? You motzeh head. Unto telephone) Oh helo! Is that Dandy Dan's residence? Could I speak to himself pleat. This is Sam Stacetto. Don't worry that itt about fellah, hell know me. (fe puts his hand ver the receiver os he ths to Knuckles) You don't drive? ‘Then we gotta get ourselves a driver There alight up on Dan, extreme ef of stage. He enswers the pho Irom hiscrmohote Hels rcsplenden in hire dresing gown and Gravee Lewella sts hntting The Cellist stands behind with o lamp Shade on haste head Hehe ploy sl. DANDY DAN Hello, Hi Sam. What can I for you? FATSAM Ivant to meet you Dan, to do little talking DANDY DAN Where? FATSAM East Chester Park. Fiveweys. At Lexburg and Denver. You hearing me? DANDY DAN Yeah, Im hearing you, ‘alone. No hoods, mind. FATSAM No hoods, Dan. You have my word, (fe puts hand ‘ber receiver) What's he talking about? Dont bring your foods he's wiped out all my’ hoods. Wack to prone) Just {you and me and our drivers DANDY DAN Agreed sn, But you come They both put dwn the phones together Got him, the knucklehead FATSAM Got him, the salami Lights out on both, Light up on speaeaty Fizzy is playing the piano, Not very well Bugsy enters. He carries a bunch of ater BUGSY Hi FizyFIZZY Hi Bugsy BUGSY How we doin” Still practising? FIZZY. Stil practising. BUGSY Have you seen Blousey? thought she was here for her audition FIZZY Oh, she was here, but she wont to get some ait. She got tied of waiting. She left her bag sol guess she's foming back, BUGSY Thanks Fizy ‘Talla has entered and leans onthe rai a the edge of the stairs to Sam's ofc TALLULAH Suddenly everyone wants tobe in show Thasines, BUGSY Oh, hi Tallulah al ati joined by Loretta, Doty ond Tile TALLULAH He's busy Bugsy. W! while you're waiting? BUGSY Why not? I'l havea special onthe rocks. GIRLS Hi Bugsy BUGSY Hi Loretta... Dotty Tillie TALLULAH OX. girls, go fed the ducks GIRLS Oh Tallulah! TALLULAH [said beat it, don't you have a drink They lease the way they came. Tallulah and Bugay sit down at fabte.A Waiter brings on two bnght gree specalson try. He leaves. Play is oll inkering with the pane, TALLULAH Long time no see Bugsy. BUGSY Well you know how its. TALLULAH You used to come and see me every night. BUGSY I've been busy. TALLULAH Doing what? BUGSY Ob this and that Tat ah i irtaed by Fiay playing inthe background. TALLULAH Fizzy! Will you quit the ivories and hit the shoe Teather? FIZZY Yes Mo'am, Fzzy exits. TALLULAH You're aces, you know that Bugsy? I've al found you kind of special BUGSY Careful Tallulah, you're racing my motor. She edges clover Very seductive TALLULAH Come on Bugy, give a girl a break BUGSY You sure you got the right guy? TALLULAH Oh, you're not lke all those other saps BUGSY No? TALLULAH You've got lovely brown eves. BUGSY They'll be lovely black eyes if Fat Sam catches us TALLULAH Come on sugar, how about smearin’ my lipstick? ‘She pout her lip. BUGSY Tallulah, Tm warning, you. .. Ifyou come any closer Tit call my lawyer. TALLULAH So call him, ‘Ske plein to he ad planta maker right on his formhead Blodsey enter eth Ravamatas, he locking ot her rete and Kuckles, oho shoe up the ers. Blousey seals af Bags. KNUCKLES Ready Boss. The broads ready for her audition, BUGSY Oh, hi Blousey, I was loking for you, BLOUSEY Hush your mouth, jerk Fat Sam comes down the sare FATSAM OK, honey, Im all ears They i axtride heir on these of sage while Blousey site centre age and sings to the audience.Pm Feeling Fine Tim feeling fine Filled with emotions Stronger than wine ‘They give me the notion ‘That this strange nev feling Is something that you're feling to ‘Matter of fact, Tm fored to admit it Caught in the act, and maybe we've hit it Isthie strange new feeling Something that you're feeling too? Fat Sam lsen oro while and then abruptly bring the oui to En end by clapping Ns hands FATSAM O.K. honey, that’s enough. Very nice. Very nice. 8 Title too contemporary for my taste bu all the seme, very nice: Youre hited snaps his fingers and his entourage follow him of stage. Bugsy oct upto Blouses who is collecting her muss BUGSY. Great Blousey. That was really swell. 1 told you SJou'd make it, That was terrific eally teri Blousey isnt listening. She storms of Blousey! What's the matter with you? Look I can explain all that Tallulah smoechin Bousey exits as Fat Sam appears from his off FATSAM Bugsy, howd you like to earn yourself some green sea? BUGSY As|ong as you're not talking about cabbages. What's the eateh? FATSAM No catch, this is a job drivin. Stralght forward ‘drivin BUGSY Knowing you Sam, 1 be ducking and driving. ‘Wat's the pay FATSAM Two hundred BUGSY Cents? FATSAM No, dollars, 2 BUGSY Dollars! Sounds like dangerous driving. FATSAM Nah, sure it might get litle hot, but you don't get vo hundved dollars for drivin’ a mille uck Bugsy BUGSY OX, you got yourself a drive. PATSAM Good boy. Good boy. Knuckles! Get me a drink ‘Things are shapin’ up real fine, and Im geting ral thirsty. blood thirst Bugsy Malone hos whi up to the desing room door He hoc Bangles opens the door. BUGSY Hi Bangles. Is Blousey there? BANGLES She won't see you Bugey. She's mad. She was holding a toreh for You higher than the Statue of Liberty BUGSY Look, j BANGLES You're sick? BUGSY Yeah, sick of waitin BANGLES I'l see what lean do. But don’t count oni. I her Im sick, will ou? Bugsy straiahens his te and po doo ne lower, Blousey appears athe BLOUSEY Best it wisie, BUGSY Give me a break Blousey. I've hought you tome flowers BLOUSEY [il sce Tallulah gets them, BUGSY Quit being so smart, .K.? They're for you BLOUSEY Look, Ive got to x0, BUGSY Il see you later BLOUSEY Yesh, ike ten years later. BUGSY I've got job BLOUSEY You don’: get pad for standing in breadlines BUGSY A logit job, Well have enough money fortwo to the coast and Hollywood. Who knows Tooling for new stareupts) Ob sure, Tl believe it when I see BLOUSEY (she intr FIZZY. Two minutes everybody. BLOUSEY I really have to go. Bye BUGSY Look Blousey, trust me, BLOUSEY (unconvinced) Sure Blousey loses the door. Bugay walks fo the ron oft BUGSY (to audience) _Tknow, Tknow, never trust anyone Who Says trust me, But Lwas on the love honest Twas. ranted to buy her the tickets but frst [had to earn the ro hundred bucks, driving Sam and Looney. Looney Bergonzi, (Shakes head) Boy, when they said he was off his trolley, they weren' kidding As he spas varius cut-out tres ar placed on sage, Bugsy crowhes ‘Boon ehind cutout branch, Pat Sam walks on FATSAM Quick Bugey, here he comes. Is he alone? BUGSY MALONE. Yep. Looks like ust Dan end the driver FATSAM Good. Looney get ready. Looney. Looney Looney Bergonsi comes on Hei defitely well named. A crazed Kod, careing co enorme gren-tpped ust Keep out of sight, Keep your head down, Wait il give you the OK. Rig Looney seems tbe sometchere ele, at Sam pats Looney's cheeks. Egamey res focome ound, Dandy Dan woes on centre sage sere ie hima don and wal centre sage ro meet Da DANDY DAN. What can Ido for you, Sam? FATSAM How about a small dose of stright talk, Dan? DANDY DAN FAT SAM You've been taking liberties Dan, DANDY DAN. I've been taking what FATSAM. Troubles, it belongs to me, DANDY DAN. Too bad. Possession is nine tenths of the law FATSAM Now hang on, Dan! im sure we can talk things over seniby. Wee been in bs game longtime, Yous DANDY DAN Youve a dime a docen gang FATSAM Now you button your lip, mister. 1 dont lke mouth have to have ene regpers oh CORE DANDY DAN You'd sit your own throat fortwo bits plus FATSAM You keep your wise cracks behind your teth, DANDY DAN Keep talking FATSAM Ihave my postion to think of DANDY DAN. Right now, your postion ain't worth a plu nickel. ® ae FATSAM You dirty rat, Dan DANDY DAN (sr FATSAM OK. Looney, let him have i ames Cagney-ish) ‘You've been watching too many chind are i toteat te Bugsy 3 DANDY DAN Yonkers! Charlie! Quick, its a double-crose! Dan's Gang appear frm behind the other cutout tres, They have ping ie athe ey Thay pooh Loney andre im considerahy before he ea react He cllapace, ghd Bugey thes he iititin He grabs the petrified Sam BU FY Come on Mr Stacetto, let's get out of ere! The ight go out The spots cy the stage. Phere is much shouting Confusion: Bugsy guides Sans of the tage and they do esomplete FATSAM (out of breath). You did great, Bugsy. Grest. Here's ‘your two hundred dollars, and a hundred extra for your {uick thinking. BUGSY Geo, thanks Mr Stacetto,FATSAM Treat yourself a new suit, Get rid ofthat igundry sack you're wearing. Here's the name of my tailor. (ite hands him a card BUGSY Thanks Mr Stacett. FAT SAM. Think nothing oft. My pleasure, Right now, let's get out of here ‘They exit. Light up on Blousey to one side of he tae BLOUSEY (slower than normal) Hot headed Bugey makes his mind up Don't mess with Bugsy, or you'll wind up ‘Wishing you'd let well enough alone Hes aman, mountain, arlling stone And will he leave you sad and lonely Grying —Teouldn’ stay ~ But its known ‘That everybody loves that man ~ Bugsy Malone Lights down Bilack END OF ACT ONE