AlsobyHenryBeard

Alii
libriquiabHenricoBarbatoscripti
sunt
MissPiggy'sGuidetoLife
Sailing:ASailor'sDictionary
Fishing:AnAngler'sDictionary
Golfing:ADuffer'sDictionary
Skiing:ASkier'sDictionary
LINGUALATINAOCCASIONIBUSOMNIBUS
HENRICUSBARBATUS
SCRIPSIT
LIBRIVILLARDLIKENOVIEBORACI
A.u.c.MMDCCXLIV
LATINFORALLOCCASIONS
BYHENRYBEARD
VILLARDBOOKSNEWYORK
A.d.MCMXCI
Illustrationscopyright[*copygg'1990
byMikhailIvenitsky
AllrightsreservedunderInternationaland
PanAmerican
CopyrightConventions.PublishedintheUnited
StatesbyVillardBooks,adivisionofRandom
House,Inc.,NewYork,andsimultaneously
inCanadabyRandomHouseofCanada
Limited,Toronto.
VillardBooksisaregisteredtrademarkof
RandomHouse,Inc.
LibraryofCongressCataloginginPublication
Data
Beard,Henry.
Latinforalloccasions:LinguaLatina
occasionibusomnibusstbyHenryBeard.
people.cm.
"AJohnBoswellAssociatesbook."
ISBN0394586603
1.LatinlanguageConversationandphrase
booksEnglish.
2.LatinlanguageHumor.I.Title.
II.Title:LinguaLatina
occasionibusomnibus.
PA2107.B41990478.3'dbadc20

ManufacturedintheUnitedStatesofAmerica
BookdesignbyCaroleLowenstein
BOMCoffersrecordingsandcompactdiscs,
cassettesandrecords.
ForinformationandcatalogwritetoBOMR,Camp
Hill,PA17012.
WasIspeakingLatinagain?
DenuoneLatineloquebar?
Sillyme.Sometimesitjustsortofslipsout.
Meineptum.Interdummodoelabitur.
PREFACE
Praefatio
Youknowthefeelingalltoowell.Thereyouare,
chattingwithbusinessassociatesatanupscale
wateringhole,orparticipatinginalittle
goodnaturedgiveandtakeduringagolfor
tennismatch,orrelaxingwithfriendsonthebeach,
or
maybejustreviewingthedaywithyourfamilyatthe
suppertable.Youspotachancetolivenupthe
discussionwithaparticularlypithyobservationin
Latin,andthen,allofasudden,you'reassailed
byparalyzingdoubts.
Istheverbyouweregoingtouseinthesecondor
thirdconjugation?Isitirregular?Deponent?
Reflexive?Defective?Doesittake
ut
andasubjunctiveoraninfinitivewithan
accusative?Or,worsestill,doesittakethe
dative?Wouldagerundiveconstructionbemore
appropriate,orlaughablyawkward?Howabout
apassiveperiphrasticorbutno,it'stoo
late.Themomenthaspassed,theconversationhas
movedon.
Nowbehonesthowmanytimeshasthathappenedto
you?
Ifyouansweris
saepius
(toooften)andwebetitis!then
LinguaLatinOccasionibusOmnibus
(latinforAllOccasions)isthebookforyou.
Here,inonehandy,easytousevolume,are
hundredsofeverydayEnglishexpressionsrendered
intogrammaticallyaccurate,idiomatically

correctclassicalLatin,justasyouwouldhave
translatedthemyourselfifyouhadthetime.Andall
of
thesepracticalphrasesareconveniently
organizedintofamiliarconversationalcategoriesso
thatyoucanbeconfidentthatinanysocial
situationsomesuitableLatin
bonadicta
(bonmots)willberightatyourfingertips,justthe
way
theywouldbeifyoucouldonlygetinalittle
practice.
Thenexttimeyoufeellikeusingtheimmortal
languageofCaesar,
ix
Cicero,Virgil,andHoracetoturnan
ordinaryremarkintoatimelessutterance,don'tlet
feles,felis,feli,felem,fele
(thecat)getyourtongue.Withacopyof
LinguaLatinaOccasionibusOmnibus
(latinforAllOccasions)inyourtoga,you'll
neveragainbeintimidatedbythosesevenhundred
verb
endings,ninetynouncases,andtwentykindsof
ablative.Andyou'llquicklydiscoverthatwhether
you
wanttoimpresstheboss,entertainyourfriends,
keepthekidsinline,orcharmthatspecial
someone,speakingLatinisaseasyastakingGaul
fromtheGauls!
Bonafortuna!
(goodluck!)
x
ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS
IwouldliketothankMarkSugarsandWinifred
Lewellen,whoreviewedmyLatinforaccuracy
andappropriateness.Theirmanycorrectionsand
suggestionsgreatlyimprovedthisbook,andnodoubt
sparedmeuntoldgrieffromoutragedLatin
teachers.Tothesetwodistinguishedclassical
scholars
belongsmuchofthecreditforanyfelicityofstyle
oreleganceofdiction;the
culpa

foranymistakesisentirely
mea.
xi
CONTENTS
Quadinlibrocontinetur
Introduction:ABriefGuidetoLatin
Pronunciationxv
I.
ConversationalLatin
(linguaLatinaConlocutioni)1
II.
InformationalLatin
(linguaLatinaNuntiis)7
III.
OccupationalLatin
(linguaLatinaOccupationi)15
IV.
RecreationalLatin
(linguaLatinaO3tamentis)25
V.
PracticalLatin
(linguaLatinaUtilis)33
VI.
TacticalLatin
(linguaLatinaRationi)41
VII.
CulturalLatin
(linguaLatinaDocta)51
VIII.
SocialLatin
(linguaLatinaVitaeCommuni)59
IX.
SensualLatin
(linguaLatinaLibidinosa)67
X.
GastronomicalLatin
(linguaLatinaCenatica)71
XI.
FamilialLatin
(linguaLatinaDomestica)79
XII.
FormalLatin
(linguaLatinaRitibus)87
INTRODUCTION:ABRIEFGUIDETO

LATINPRONUNCIATION
Ifit'sbeenafewyearssinceyoulastconversed
inLatinregularly,yourpronunciationmayhave
gottenabitrusty,sowe'veincludedherea
shortsummaryofthebasicsofthespokenlanguage
justtohelpyoubrushupalittle.
Awordofcaution:Thisisasimplifiedsystemof
pronunciationforcolloquialLatinbasedinpart
onmodernItalian,thedirectvernacular
descendantoftheeverydayspeechofancientRome.
Ifyou'replanningtogiveaformalorationora
readingfromoneofthegreatworksofclassical
literature,you'reobviouslygoingtowant
toconsultthestandardscholarlyreferencebooksfor
the
properliterarypronunciation.
IVowelsandaFewDiphthongs
Sure,IspeakalittleLatin.
Sane,paululumlinguaeLatinaedico.
SAH'NAY,powLoo'luhm
LEEN'GWYELahTee'nye
DEE'KOH.
Aispronounced"ah"asin"father."
Eispronounced"ay"asin"they,"butthevery
commonwordset(and),est(is),andsed(b)should
be
pronouncedlike"bet,""best,"and"said,"andthe
very
commonwordendingemshouldbepronouncedlike
"stem."
xv
Iispronounced"ee"asin"Vaseline,"butthe
verycommonwordsid(x)andin(in,on)shouldbe
pronouncedlike"did"and"din."
Oispronounced"oh"asin"go."
Uispronounced"oo"asin"crude,"butthevery
commonwordendingsusandurnshouldbepronounced
like
"puss"and"room"(withthe"oo"soundof
"cookbook"),andtheverycommonwordut(how,so
that)
shouldbepronouncedlike"put."
AEisadiphthong(apairofvowelsjoined
togethertoformasinglesound)pronounced"eye."

AUisadiphthongpronounced"ow,"asin
"luau."
OEisadiphthongpronounced"oy."
IIConsonants
Ipickedituphereandthere.Really,Latin
isn'tallthathard.
Idlegimodohicmodoillic.Vero,
Latineloquinonestdifficilissimum.
IDDLAY'GEEMOH'DOH
HEEKMOH'DOHEEL'LEEK.
WAY'ROH,LahTee'nay
LOH'KWEENOHNEHSST
deefeekeeLeese'seemuhm.
B,D,F,H,K,L,M,n,
P,andZallsoundthesameastheydoin
English.
CalwayshasaKsoundasin"car."
ChildalwayshasaKsoundasin"chorus."
GalwayshasahardGsoundasin"get."
Guispronounced"Gw"whenitcomesafteran
"n,"asitisinEnglish.
Iisaconsonantpronouncedlikeywhenitisthe
firstletterinawordanditisfollowedbyavowel.
The
commonLatinwordiam(now)ispronounced
"YAHM."
Quispronounced"Kw,"asitisinEnglish.
RcanberolledinasortofScottishburr.
xvi
Salwayshasahissingsoundasin"moose"or
"soda,"andsomeverycommonwordendingssoundlike
this:as
equals"demitasse";esequals"ace",
isequals"geese";osequals"verbose";and
usequals"wuss."
TalwayshasahardTsoundasin
"tar."InLatin,theword"ratio"ispronounced
"RAH'TEEOH."
Visalwayspronouncedasifitwerea"W."
WhatCaesar(Kye'sahr)saidafterhe
defeatedsomebodyorother
(veni,vidi,vid)
soundedasifhehadjustconqueredHawaii:
WAY'NEE,WEE'DEE,WEE'KEE.*

Xisalwayspronounced"Ks."
J,W,andydon'texistinLatin.
IIISyllables
Itlookslikeatrickylanguage,butyou'llget
thehangofitprettyquickly.
Linguaspecieminvolutampraebet,sedsat
citoeamcomprehendes.
LEEN'GWAHSPAY'KEEEHM
innwohLoo'tahmPRYE'BAYT,SEDD
SAHTKEE'TOHAY'AHM
kohmprayHayn'dace.
Latinwordsaredividedintosyllablesinthesame
waythatEnglishwordsare,butinLatineveryvowel
or
diphthongisasyllable,andeverysyllableis
pronouncedseparately.Iftherearetwovowels
together,andtheyarenotAE,AU,orOE,both
vowelsarepronouncedindividually.So,for
example,praebatequals"PRYE'BAHT"
(aeisadiphthong);speciemequals
"SPAY'KEEEHM";andeamequals
"AY'AHM."
*IfyoutookLatininaparochialschool,you
wereprobablytaughttopronouncetheletterVlike
the
English"V,"thediphthong"ae"like"sundae",
andCaesarlike"CHAY'SAHR."Ifyoudothis,you
aregoingtotakesomeflakfromLatinpurists,
classicssnobs,andotherassortedlingobores,
butontheotherhand,you'regoingtogetamuch
better
tableintheVaticanrestaurant.
IVStress
Andremember,therearen'tanyRomansaround
tocorrectyourpronunciation.
Atquememento,nulliadsuntRomanorum
quilocutionemtuamcorrigant.
AHT'KWAYmayMayn'toh,
NOO'LEEAHD'SOONT
RohmahNoh'ruhmKWEE
lohkooteeOh'nehmTOO'AHM
KOH'REEGAHNT.
Ifawordhastwosyllables,putthestresson
thefirstone.Ifithasmorethantwo,putthe

stressonthesecondtolastsyllable
unlessboththesecondtolastsyllableandthelast
syllablearevowels.Whenthathappens,shiftthe
stressbackonesyllableearlier.
So,forexample,locutionemequals
"lohkooteeOh'nehm,"butkvcutio
equals"lohKoo'teeoh."
Ifthesecondtolastsyllablehasaniinit
anddoesn'tendinaconsonant,thestressis
usuallymovedbackonesyllable.So,for
example,corrigantequals
"KOHR'REEGAHNT"anddificilissimum
equals"deefeekeeLeese'eemuhm."
Forthesamereason,theverycommonwordaliqui
(any)
ispronounced"AH'LEEKWEE."
I.CONVERSATIONALLATIN
LinguaLatinaConlocutioni
It'snottheheat,it'sthehumidity.
Noncolorsedumorestquinobis
incommodat.
Whatabore!
Quivirodiosus!
Whatadolt!
Quistipes!
CocktailPartyChitchat
Hotenoughforyou?
Satinecaloristibiest?
Runintomuchtrafficonthewayover?
Turbanemagnavehiculorumobviamerat
tibivenientihuc?
WhatdoyouthinkIpaidforthiswatch?
Quantoputasmihistarehocholorogium
manuale?
YouknowwhatIthink?Ithink...
VisnescirequodcredamlCredo...
...
thatallwrestlingisfixed.
...
luctationesomnespraestitutasesse.
...
thatflyingsaucersarereal..
...
orbesvolantesex/are..

...
thatElvisisstillalive..
..
Elvemipsumetiamvivere..
...
thattheweatherhasbeenalteredbyrocketlaunches.
...
missionesturriumflammearumstatum
caelimutavisse.
...
thatnoone'sbarbecuesauceisbetterthan
mine..
...
condimentumprocarneinveribuscoctanullius
praestareeimei..
Isthatso?
Aintu?
Really?
Vero?
Youdon'tsay!
Dic!Itaneest!
Youcansaythatagain!
Illuditeiumdicerepotes!
Youknowwhattheysay...
Scisquoddicunt...
...
heretoday,gonetomorrow
....
hodieadsit,crasabsit.
...
seenone,seenthemall
....
unoviso,omniavisasunt.
...
whatgoesaround,comesaround
...
.idquodcircumiret,circumveniat.
...
quesera,sera
..
.
quodfiat,fiat.
God,lookatthetime!Mywifewillkillme!
Di!Eccehora!Uxormeamenecabit!

Excuseme.I'vegottoseeamanabouta
dog.
Mihiignosce.Cumhominedecanedebeo
congredi.
Darn!Theregoesmybeeper!
Heu!Tintinnuntiusmeussonat!
I'mouttahere.
Abeo.
Haveaniceday.
Diedulcifruere.
PithyLatinExpressionstoUseinEnglish
Ipsofacto
Bythatveryfact
Nullomodo
Noway
Labralege.
Readmylips.
Pactumfactum
Adonedeal
Forsfortis
Fatchance
Casuconsulto
Accidentallyonpurpose
Raptusregaliter
Royallyscrewed
Totusanctus
Inaworldofhurt
Utinam
Hopefully
LinguaLatinaNuntiis
Downboy,nicedoggie!
Sedate,catulebone!
Woofwoof!Grrrr!
Latio!Fremo!
LatinSignsforOurTimes
CAVECANEM
BEWAREOFDOG
NOLIPERTURBARE
DONOTDISTURB
NOLIINTRARE
KEEPOUT
OPORTETMINISTROSMANUSLAVARE
ANTEQUAMLATRINAMRELINQUENT
EMPLOYEESMUSTWASHHANDSBEFORELEAVING

RESTROOM
BARBARI!INHOCCURRUNULLAARCA
SONORUMADSIT!
NORADIO!
TIBIGRATIASAGIMUSQUODNIHIL
FUMAS
THANKYOUFORNOTSMOKING
SIHOCSIGNUMLEGEREPOTES,
OPERISBONIINREBUSLATINIS
ALACRIBUSETFRUCTUOSISPOTIRI
POTES!
IFYOUCANREADTHISSIGN,YOUCAN
GETAGOODJOBINTHEFAST
PACED,HIGHPAYINGWORLDOFLATIN!
LatinBumperStickersforYourChariot
FRENAPROFERISTENEO
IBRAKEFORANIMALS
BALAENAENOBISCONSERVANDAESUNT
SAVETHEWHALES
SONASILATINELOQUERIS
HONKIFYOUSPEAKLATIN
CUMCATAPULTAEPROSCRIPTAEERUNT
TUMSOLIPROSCRIPTICATAPULTAS
HABEBUNT
WHENCATAPULTSAREOUTLAWED,ONLY
OUTLAWSWILLHAVE
CATAPULTS
SIHOCADFIXUMINOBICELEGERE
POTES,ETLIBERALITEREDUCATUSET
NIMISPROPINQUUSADES
IFYOUCANREADTHISBUMPERSTICKER,
YOUAREBOTHVERYWELL
EDUCATEDANDMUCHTOOCLOSE
VanitasPlates
INCITATUS
SPEEDDEMON
VAGANS
CRUISING
LITORALIS
BEACHBUM
MANNUS
MUSTANG
FRACTUM
JALOPY

NITIDUS
SNAZZY
URSUS
BEAR
AMOVIUM
ILOVESEX
TURBO
TURBO
LatinasaComputerLanguage
Whywon'tyouprintout?
Curullumimprimerenonvis?
Don'tyoudareerasemyharddisk!
Ne
auderisdelereorbemrigidummeum!
Ididnotcommitafatalerror!
Nonerraviperniciose!
Garbagein,garbageout.
Purgamentuminit,exitpurgamentum.
AnAllPurposePersonalAd
Attractiveandintelligentmanstwomanwishes
tomeetaLatinspeakeroftheoppositesex.
PleasenopigLatin!
Virstmulieriucundusstiucundaintellegensque
vultobviamconvenirealicuisexusadversi
quilinguaLatinautitur.Amabo
nihilloquelaeLatinaesuillae!
AnAllPurposeLetter
DearSir:
IhavereceivedyourletterandIwillgivethe
mattertowhichyou
referredmypromptestandfullestattention.
Bestwishes,
Dominusmeus:Epistulamtuamaccepiet
reicuiusmentionemibifecistianimadversionem
meampromptissimamplenissimamquedabo.
Sempervaleetsalve,
AnAllPurposePostcardMessage
Havingawonderfultime.Iwishyouwerehere.Or
shoulditbe,Ishouldwishyouhadbeenhere?Or
maybe,Ishouldhavebeenwishingthatyouhadbeen
here?
Or,Ididwishyoutohavebeenhere?
Best,

Tempusdulcissimeo3to.Voloutmecum
adsis.Autdebetnedicere,Velimut
mecumadeiis?Autfortasse,Vellemut
mecumadfueris?Aut,Voluitemecum
adfuisse?
Optationesoptimasadte,
AnAllPurposeAnsweringMachine
Message
Hello.Noonecancometothephonerightnow
totakeyourcall,butyoucanleaveamessageifyou
wantbyspeakingassoonasyouhearthebeep.
Remembertowaitforthebeep.Bye.
Salve.Nemonuncipsumadveniread
longelocutumadvocemtuamaccipiendam
potest,sedpossissivelisnuntiamtradere
dicendosimulacsonitumaudiveris.
Mementosonitupraestolare.Ave.
AnAllPurposeTelephonePrank
Hello,isthisthesupermarket?Doyouhave
JanitorinaDrumandMr.Cleanina
bottle?Youdo?Well,letthemout!Haha
ha!
Dic,estnemagnimercatus?Estnevobis
IanitorinCupaetMagisterPurusin
ampulla?Sicine?Bene,eosemitte!Hae
haehae!
AnAllPurposeStickupNote
Ihaveacatapult.Givemeallthemoney,or
Iwillflinganenormousrockatyourhead.
Catapultamhabeo.Nisipecuniamomnem
mihidabis,adcaputtuumsaxumimmane
mittam.
LinguaLatinaOccupationi
Thisisallbluesky.
Totumdecaelocaeruleovenit.
Itain'tover"tilit'sover.
Idimperfectummanetdumconfectumerit.
Let'slookatthebottomline
Summamscrutemur.
NegotiatinginLatin
I'dliketocutadeal.
Volopactumfacere.
Nowthisisn'tcarvedinstone.
Nunchocinmarmoienonestincisum.

Thisisjustaballparkfigure.
Hic
estnumerus,plusautminus.
I'mthinkingoutloud.
Claravocecogito.
Thisisallbluesky.
Totumdecaelocaeruleovenit.
Ithinkwe'reonthesamewavelength.
Credonosinfluctueodemesse.
SweeteningtheDeal
Canyouputmoremoneyonthetable?
Potesnepluspecuniaeinmensaponere?
Let'slookatthebottomline.
Summamscrutemur.
Isthatyourbestoffer?
Numistacondiciooptimaest?
Can'tyousharpenupyourpencilalittleonthis?
Nonnepotesstilumtuuminhacrepaulum
acuere?
Ifyoucan'tgoanyhigher,thedealisoff.
Siplusoffenenonpotes,pactumruptum
est.
PlayingHardball
We'rebacktosquareone.
Incarceribusdenuoadsumus.
I'mwastingmytime.
Tempusmeumtero.
That'sthedeal.Takeitorleaveit.
Eccepactum.Idcapeautidrelinque.
You'renottheonlygameintown.
InoppidoIusorsolusnones.
Well,youwinsome,youlosesome.
Modovincis,modovinceris.
HiddenInsults
LATIN:
Podexperfectuses.
WHATYOUSAYITMEANS:Youdida
terrificjob.
WHATITREALLYMEANS:Youareatotal
asshole.
LATIN:
DestellaMaitisverevenisti.
WHATYOUSAYITMEANS:That'satruly
remarkableinsight.

WHATITREALLYMEANS:Youaredefinitely
fromMars.
LATIN:
Stercoremprocerebrohabes.
WHATYOUSAYITMEANS:That'scertainly
foodforthought.
WHATITREALLYMEANS:Youhaveshitfor
brains.
LATIN:
Caputtuuminanoest.
WHATYOUSAYITMEANS:Youhitthe
nailrightonthehead.
WHATITREALLYMEANS:Youhaveyourheadup
yourass.
LATIN:
Futueteipsumetcaballumtuum.
WHATYOUSAYITMEANS:I'vereally
gottotakemyhatofftoyou.
WHATITREALLYMEANS:Screwyouandthe
horseyourodeinon.
UsefulBusinessExpressions
Takethebullbythehorns.
Taurumpercornuaprehende.
Itcomeswiththeterritory.
Cumtractutraducto.
Givemealittlefeedback.
Dicmihipaulumquodsentis.
Ifitain'tbroke,don'tfixit.
Sifractumnonsit,noliidreficere.
Getyourducksinarow.
Anatestuasinacieinstrue.
Theballisinyourcourt.
Pilainareatuaest.
I'mupthecreekwithoutapaddle.
Inrivofimisineremosum.
Itain'toveruntilit'sover.
Idimperfectummanetdumconfectumerit.
MakingaColdCall
I'dliketobouncesomethingoffyou.
Aliquotevolopetere.
Youseemlikesomeonewhoknowsagoodthingwhenhe
sees
it.
Tuteviderisessequinoscatrembonam

cumvideat.
It'saonceinalifetimeopportunity.
Occasiorarissimaest.
I'msorrywecouldn'tdobusiness.
Stercoremprocerebrohabes.
*
SeeHiddenInsults,p.19
TheUnaMinutiaManager
Takealetter.
Scribe.
Xerox[*reggg'th.
HuiusXerographiam(people)fac.
Holdmycalls.
Facutnemomevocet.
Idon'tgetheadaches.Igivethem.
Dolorescapitisnonfero.Eosdo.
Thebuckstopshere.
Denariushicsistit.
There'snofreelunch.
Nullamensasineimpensa.
You'refired.
Egotedemitto.
MogulJargon
Let'stakeameeting.
Congressumfaciamus.
Haveyourpeopletalktomypeople.
Tuosiubemeisdicere.
What'sthenetnetonthis?
Quidinrereditumresiduumreliquumque
restat?
It'sthestandarddeal.
Conventumconsuetumest.
Baby,sweetheart,wouldIlietoyou?
Amicule,deliciae,numissumquimentiar
tibi?
Let'scuttothechase.
Advenatumvadamus.
Don'tpassonthis!
Nolihocpraeterire!
Givemeagreenlight!
Damihilumenviride!
You'rebeautiful!
Pulcheres!
Let'shavelunch,really!

Prandeamus,vere!
LinguaLatinaO3tamentis
God,thesehalftimeshowsareboring.
Hercle,ludicrahaecinterdimidiamuneris
intercedentiainsulsasunt.
Thesearegreatseats,aren'tthey?
Sediliahaec,nonnepraestant?
AttheFootballStadium
Thesearegreatseats,aren'tthey?
Sediliahaec,nonnepraestant?
Firstandten,doitagain!Touchdown!
Primumetdecemest,rursumagendumest!
Detractum!
God,thesehalftimeshowsareboring.
Hercle,ludicrahaecinterdimidiamuneris
intercedentiainsulsasunt.
AttheBallPark
IhateAstroturf.
Gramenartificiosumodi.
Thedesignatedhitterrulehasgottogo.
Lexclavatorisdesignatirescindendaest.
ThebestbaseballstadiumisstillFenwayPark.
StadiumsedipilaeoptimumSaeptum
Paludosumetiamnuncest.

CheeringforYourTeam
Let'sgo...
Eamus,O...
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NATIONALLEAGUE/EAST
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Expos
Expositiones
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Mets
Metropolitae
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Cubs
Catuli
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Cardinals
Cardinales
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Pirates
Piratae
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Phillies
Philadelphii
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NATIONALLEAGUE/WEST
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Width3Width3330
Giants
Gigantes
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Astros
AstrotholiIncolae
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Reds
Rubri
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Dodgers
Elusores
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Padres
Patri
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Braves
Fortes
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AtaHockeyGame
Hockeyfansarerealanimals.
FautoresludiglacialisBoreiferimeri
sunt.
HerecomestheZamboni.
HueacceditZambonis.
AtthePokerTable
Read'emandweep.
Legeatquelacrima.
Thisisn'tahand,it'safoot.
Hocnonmanussedpesest.
I'mgoingtotakeaMulligan.
Alterumictumfaciam.
We'replayingwinterrules,aren'twe?
Nonnelegehiemaliludimus?

Thisisagimme,isn'tit?
Nonnehocmihidatur?
Isn'tthatlucky!Myballjustrolledoutofthe
roughandontothefairway!
Fortunatussum!Pilameadegramine
horridomodoinpratumlenerectavolvit!
OntheTennisCourt
It'sjustout!
Paulopraeteiregionemest!
Alittlewide!
Minimelatum!
Itwasjustahairlong!
Longiuscapillofuit!
It'soutbyaninch!
Unaunciaabest!
Boy,Ihateliftlines.
Heu,odimanereinagminepro
sellisvolatilibus.
Watchwhereyou'regoing,youjerk!
Obseivaquovadis,cinaede!
Avalanche!
Lapsusnivium!
Let'sgetinthehottub!
Inthermulasintremus!
AttheBeach
Lookatthehootersonthatone.
Ecceiliamammeata.
Let'sbuildasandForum.
Forumharenaeaedificemus.
Doyouwantafrostyone?
Visnefrigidum!
What'sthatinthewater?
Quid
estilludinaqua?
Shark!Shark!
Pistrix!Pistrix!
OnaYacht
WhathappensifIpullthisrope?
Quidfiatsihocrudentemvellam?
CanIdrive?
Licetnemihigubemare?
Istheresupposedtobealotofwaterdownhere?
Debetnemultumaquaesubteresse?
AllofasuddenI'mnotfeelingsogood.

Subitominimevaleo.
AttheSpa
Thereissomethingwrongwiththisscale.
Haectrutinaenat.
WasyourmasseurtrainedinEastGermany?
TractatorneinGermaniaOiientalidoctus
est!
It'sonaplate,itmustbefood.
Incatilloest,cibusessedebet.
Isthereanalcoholicbeveragemadefromoat
bran?
Estneebriamendefurfureavenaceofactum?
LinguaLatinaUtilis
SometimesIgetthisurgetoconquerlarge
partsofEurope.
Interdumferorcupidinepartiummagnarum
Europaevincendarum.
Atotalnutcase.
Noncomposmentisest.
Listen,wouldyourepeateverythingyoujusttoldme,
onlythistimesayitinEnglish.
Heu,modoiteraomniaquaemihinunc
nupernarravisti,sednuncAnglice.
Youchargehowmuchanhour?
Quantuminunahoraimputas?
ThingstoSaytoYourAccountant
Thisamounthere,isthatwhatImadeorwhatI
owe?
Haecsumma,estnequodmeruiautquod
debeo?
WheredoIsign?
Ubisigno?
Unfortunately,Ican'tfindthoseparticular
documents.
Eheu,litterasistasreperirenonpossum.
Iknowwhythenumbersdon'tagree!Iuse
Romannumerals!
Sciocursummaeintersedissentiant!
NumerisRomanisutor!
ThingstoSaytoYourBanker
Idon'twantatoaster.
Furnulumpaninolo.
Ican'tbeoverdrawn.
Fierinonpotestutratiomeadeficiat.

ThingstoSaytoYourStockbroker
Justwhatexactlyisaporkbelly?
Quidnameststerilicula?
Ithoughttheideawastobuylowandsellhigh.
Credidipretioparvoemereetmagnovendere
tibiinanimofuisse.
Areyoutellingmethatsunspotscausedthemarket
crash?
Dicisnemihimaculasinsolemercatum
labifecisse?
Thisisn'tgoingtohurt,isit?
Nummihidolebithoc?
Somethingimportantcameup,soI'llhavetocancel
myappointment.
Quadamremagnafactaconstitutummeum
mihideponendumest.
ThingstoSaytoYourPsychiatrist
SometimesIgetthisurgetoconquerlargepartsof
Europe.
Interdumferorcupidinepartiummagnarum
Europaevincendarum.
Ithinksomepeopleintogasareplottingagainstme.
Sentioaliquostogatoscontrameconspirare.
IhavethiscompulsiontospeakLatin.
Latineloquicoactussum.
Whathasmymothergottodowithit?
Quid
agiturdematremea?
Reallyrad,dude!
Radicitus,comes!
What'shappening?
Quidfit?
ThingstoSaytoanObnoxiousChild
Inthegoodolddays,childrenlikeyouwereleftto
perishon
windsweptcrags.
Antiquistemporibus,natitibisimiles
inrupibusventosissimisexponebanturad
necem.
I'mrubber,you'reglue,bouncesoffme,
stickstoyou!
Flexilissum,glutenes,meresilit,ad
tehaeret!
ThingstoSaytoaMovieStar

Youlookshorterandolderinperson.
Viderishumiliorseniorquecoram.
CanIhaveyourautograph?
Licetnetibimihidaretuam
subscriptionem?
Idonothaveanysparechange.
Estmihinullusnummussuperfluus.
Igaveattheoffice.
Intabulariodonationemfeci.
Idonotwishto"checkitout."
Noloid"perscrutari."
I'mnotinterestedinyourdopeyreligiouscult.
Nihilcurodeistatuastultasuperstitione.
IfCaesarwerealive,you'dbechainedtoanoar.
Caesarsiviveret,adremumdareris.
ThingstoSaytoaMalfunctioningSoftDrink
Machine
Youinfernalmachine!Givemeabeverageor
givemebackmymoney!
Machinaimproba!Velmihiedepotumvel
mihireddenummosmeos!
LinguaLatinaRationi
HolyMoly!
Mecastor!
Ididn'texpectyouhomesosoon!
Nonsperabamtedomumtamcitorevenite!
IfIwereyou,Iwouldn'twalkinfront
ofanycatapults!
Caveneanteullascatapultasambules!
EmbarrassingSituationsAreLess
EmbarrassinginLatin
I'dliketobuysomecondoms.
Volocompararenonnullategumembra.
Ididn'texpectyouhomesosoon!
Nonsperabamtedomumtamcitorevenire!
Idon'tknowhowthatgotintomypocket.
Nescioquomodoilludinsinummeum
intraverit.
OfcourseIknowwhatdaytodayis!Ijustcan't
remembertheEnglishwordforit.
Scilicetscioquidsithodiernusdies!
Modoeinonpossummeminisseverbum
Anglicum.
Oh!Iwasjustlookingtoseewhetheryouhadany

Kleenexhereamongthesepapersonyourdesk.
O!Conabarcognoscerenumtibiadsit
Nascidainmensatuainterhaecscripta.
Doyoubyanychancehappentoownalarge,
yellowish,
veryflatcat?
Estnetibifortemagnafelesfulvaet
planissima?
BaldFacedLiesAreLess
BaldFacedinLatin
Thecheckisinthemail.
Perscriptioinmanibustabellariorumest.
Ihavenothingtodeclare.
Nihildeclaro.
Idon'tknowwhatyou'retalkingabout.
Nescioquiddicas.
ItwasthatwaywhenIgothere.
Itaeratquandohicadveni.
There'snooneherebythatname.
Nemohicadestilliusnominis.
Don'tcallme,I'llcallyou.
Nolimevocare,egotevocabo.
FlatterySoundsMoreSincereinLatin
Haveyoulostweight?
Nonnemacescis?
Youhaven'tagedabit!
Minimesenuisti?
Itlooksgreatonyou!
Idtibipraebetspeciemlepidissimam!
Awig?Ineverwouldhaveguessed!
Capillamentum?Haudquaquamconieciesse!
IntimateSubjectsAreEasiertoBroach
inLatin
Yourflyisopen.
Braccaetuaeaperiuntui.
Yourslipisshowing.
Subuculatuaapparet.
Youhaveabigpieceofspinachonyourfront
teeth.
Indentibusanticisfrustummagnum
spinaciaehabes.
You'vebeenmisusingthesubjunctive.
Abutebarismodosubjunctivo.
SelfAssertivenessIsSimplerinLatin

Hey,we'reallinlinehere!
Heus,hicnosomnesinagminesunt!
Nocuttingin!
Noliinferreseinagmen!
No,excuseme,Ibelieve
I'm
next.
Non,mihiignosce,credo
me
insequentemesse.
You'refromNewYork,aren'tyou?
NonnedeNovoEboracovenis?
ThreatsCarryMoreWeightinLatin
Watchoutymightendupdividedintothreeparts,
likeGaul.
Prospicetibi

utGallia,tuquoqueintrespartes
dividaris.
Peoplewillsoonbereferringtoyouinthepast
pluperfect
tense.
Intemporepraeteritoplusquamperfecto
detemoxdicent.
IfIwereyou,Iwouldn'twalkinfrontofany
catapults.
Caveneanteullascatapultasambules.
FightingWordsAreSaferinLatin
Whatdidyoucallme?
Quidmeappellavisti?
Yeah,I'mtalkingtoyou.
Ita,teadloquor.
Youwanttorepeatthat?
Visneilluditerare?
Acomedian,huh?
Itaveto,esnecomoedus?
Ohyeah?Yourmother!
Itane?Tuamater!
Youwanttomakesomethingofit?
Visnealiquiddeillofacere?
Youandwhosearmy?
Tutene?Atquecuiusexercitus?
Let'sstepoutside.
Forasgradiamur.

Well,ifyoudon'tunderstandplainLatin,I'm
notgoingtodirtymyhandsonyou.
Bene,cumLatinenescias,nolomanusmeas
intemaculare.
ExcusesSoundMoreBelievableinLatin
Mydogateit.
Canismeusidcomedit.
Thecleaningladythrewitaway.
Ancillaidabiecit.
Itfellintotheshredder.
Idinmachinamschidarumscindendarumincedit.
Ididcall.Maybeyouransweringmachineis
broken.
Saneegotevocavi.Forsitancapedictum
tuumdesit.
Mywatchstopped.
Horologiummanualemeumstitit.
Mycarwouldn'tstart.
Currusmeussemoverenoluit.
Iwaskidnappedbyaliens.Whatyearisit?
Hostesalienigenimeabduxerunt.Quiannus
est?
B.s.IsMoreConvincinginLatin
I'mgladyouaskedmethat.
Gaudeoteilluddemerogavisse.
I'llputallmycardsonthetable.
Chartasmeasomnesintabulamponam.
Youknow,I'myourbiggestfan.
Edepol,fautoituusmaximussum.
I'monlythinkingofwhat'sbestforyou.
Modocogitoquidprositrebustuis.
Believeme,thishurtsmemorethanithurtsyou.
Mihicrede,hocmihimagisquamtibi
nocet.
LatinMedicalNamesforNonexistentBut
UsefulDiseases
Impedimentummemoriae
(amentalblockthatmakesithardforyou
toremembernames)
Inopiaceleritatis
(amilddyslexiathatmakesitimpossible
toarriveontime)
Doloranteprandialis
(agastricproblemthatoccasionallymakesyoucancel

alunch)
Morbusirrigationis
(ararediseaseaggravatedbywateringfriends"
plants)
Taediumpellucidorum
(aneyeconditionthatkeepsyoufromlookingat
people's
slides)
AnAllPurposeEvasionofaRequestfora
LatinTranslation
Youcan'tsaythatinLatin.
IlludLatinedicinonpotest.
AnAllPurposePhonyTranslationofa
LatinInscription
"Havingdonethesethings,theymadethesacrifices
prescribedbycustomlesttheybefoundlackingin
filialpiety."
LinguaLatinaDocta
Ican'tgetnosatisfaction...
Nullaesatisfactionispotirinonpossuminin
MyfavoritegroupistheRollingStones.
CatervacarissimameaLapides
Provolventesest.
IliketheBeachBoys
AmoPuerosLitoris.
AttheTheater
Ifyouwantgoodtickets,you'vegottogotoa
scalper.
Sidesiderastesserasbonastibi
opusestadsectoremire.
Youknow,wereallyoughttogotothetheatermore
often.
Pol,adspectaculumsaepiusnobis
eundumest.
Fire!
Flamma!
AtaConcert
Whattimedoyouthinkwe'llbeoutofhere?
Quotemporecredisnosexituros?
Isitover?DoIapplaudnow?
Estneconfectum?Nuncineapplaudo?
AtaLiteraryGathering
Seenanygoodmovieslately?
Vidistinenuperimaginesmoventesbonas?

HowaboutthoseFortyNiners?
Quid
sentisdeUndequinquagintis?
AtaPoetryReading
Itdoesn'trhyme.
Nullometiocompositumest.
Idon'tcare.Ifitdoesn'trhyme,it
isn'tapoem.
Noncuro
.
Simetrumnonhabet,nonest
poema.
AtanArtExhibition
Youcallthisart?Atwoyearoldcoulddobetter.
DicisnehocopusartemesseiQuivis
infansremmelioremfacerepotest.
Idon'tknowmuchaboutart,butIknowwhatIlike.
CumMusisdeditusnonsim,noscoquod
amo.
AttheVatican
KnowwhereIcangetacupofcoffeearoundhere?
Scisneubipocillumcoffeaeapudhanc
locumpossimcapere?
IsthisthewaytotheSistineChapel?
DucitnehaecviaadCapellamSextinam?
IsitallrightifIuseaflashinhere?
Licetnemihihicfulgureuteri?
Now
that's
aceiling!
Eccelacunarmirum!
Isthistheonlygiftshop?
Haecinetabernamunusculorumunicaest?
Excuseme,canyourecommendagoodrestaurant
nearby?
Nisimolestumest,potesnemihi
recommendarepopinambonamvicinam?
WherecanIgetahatlikethat?
Ubipossumpotiripetasisimilisisti?
AttheMovies
ThisisaremakeofaFrenchfilm.
HaecimagomovensexpristinaGallicana
recreataest.
Thesequelisneverasgoodastheoriginal.

Sequellanumquamtambonaestquam
oiigo.
Lookout,there'ssomecrudonthisseat.
Cave,aliquodsqualorisestinhacsede.
TimelessLinesfromtheMovies
Makemyday.
Facutgaudeam.
Rounduptheusualsuspects.
Conligesuspectossemperhabitos.
Youknow,Toto,Ihaveafeelingwe'renotin
Kansasanymore.
Certe,Toto,sentionosinKansatenon
iamadesse.
Frankly,mydear,Idon'tgiveadamn.
Revera,caramea,meanilrefert.
AllMusicIsClassicalMusicin
Latin
Myfavoritegroupis...
Catervacarissimameaest...
Width1Width3Width2342
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TheBeatles
Cimictus
TheTemptations
Inlecebrae
Width1Width3Width2342
Width3Width2880
Width1Width3Width2342
Width3Width2880
TheRollingStones
LapidesProvolventes
TheWho
IlleQuis
Width1Width3Width2342
Width3Width2880
TheGratefulDead
MortuiGrati
TheMonkees
Simitatores
Width1Width3Width2342
Width3Width2880
Width1Width3Width2342
Width3Width2880
TheBeachBoys

PueriLitoris
CountryJoeandtheFish
IosephusAgrestisPiscesque
Width1Width3Width2342
Width3Width2880
AllTVIsEducationalTVinLatin
Myfavoriteshowis...
Spectaculumcaiissimumest...
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
Gilligan'sIsland
InsulaGilliganis
Jeopardy
Periculum
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
HollywoodSquares
QuadrataIliceti
WheelofFortune
RotaFortunae
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
TheLoveBoat
NavisAmoris
Diff'rentStrokes
IctusDiff'rentes
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
LeaveIttoBeaver
IdCastoriConcedite
HappyDays
DiesFelices
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
Mission:Impossible
Opus:QuodFieriNonPotest
TheYoungandtheRestless
IuvenesInquietesque

Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
HawaiiFiveO
HawaiiQuinqueNil
DivorceCourt
CuriaDivortiorum
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
TheGongShow
SpectaculumTintinnabuli
TheFlintstones
IlliSilices
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width2710
ThePriceIsRight
PretiumIustumEst
TheTwilightZone
ZonaCrepusculi
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Width3Width2710
LinguaLatinaVitaeCommuni
SALVECLASSISDEANNOLXIII
Faceit,you'restuckinadeadendjob.
Aspice,officiofungerissinespehonoris
amplioris.
Isthatagreyhair?
Illaecinecanities?
Aren'thighschoolreunionsgreat?
Nonneconventusludilitterarumpraestant?
Putonalittleweight,haven'tyou?
Nonnealiquantulumpinguescis?
InaBar
I'llhave...
Damihisis...
...alightbeer.
...
cerevisiamdilutam.
...aglassofwhitewine
....
poculumvinialbi.
...amartini.
...

spiculumargenteum.
...afogcutter.
...
quodnebulamdissipat.
I'lldrinktothat!
Hoceipropinabo!
Bartender!Anotherround!
Caupo!Etiamnunc!
Cheers!
Propinotibisalutem!
AtaWASPCountryClub
ThatisthelargestdrinkIhaveeverseen.
Iliapotiomaximaestamevisa.
Ithinkseveralofthepeopleherearedead.
Credononnulloshicmortuosesse.
Thosegreenpantsgosowellwiththatpinkshirtand
the
plaidjacket!
Braccaeillaeviridescumsubucularosea
ettunicaCaledonia

quameleganteiconcinnatur!
Ican'tunderstandwhatyouaresaying.Areyourjaws
wiredtogether?
Verbatuaintellegerenonpossum.Filone
ferreomaxillaetuaeiunctaesunt?
AtaHipDisco
Doyouwanttodance?IknowtheFunky
Broadway.
Visnesaltare?ViamLatamFungosam
scio.
Howdoyougetyourhairtodothat?
Quomodocogiscomastuassicvideri?
AtaBirthdayParty
Happybirthday!
Tibidiemnatalemfelicem!
Here'sapinchtogrowaninch!
Tevellicoutunciacrescas!
Speech!Speech!
Ora!Ora!
AtaFamilyReunion
Putonalittleweight,haven'tyou?
Nonnealiquantulumpinguescis?
Isthatagrayhair?

Illaecinecanities?
Honeystbuster,whenareyougoingtogetmarried?
Mellitastes,quandoaliquemstaliquamin
matrimoniumaccipiesstduces?
You'renotgoingtogetadivorce,areyou?
Numesttibiinanimodivortiumfacere?
Faceit,you'restuckinadeadendjob.
Aspice,officiofungerissinespehonoris
amplioris.
Say,yousurearedrinkingalot.
Revera,potasbene.
Isn'titgreattohavethewholefamilytogether?
Nonnedulceestfamiliamtotaminunum
locumcogere?
AtYourHighSchoolReunion
Oh!WasIspeakingLatinagain?
Vah!DenuoneLatineloquebar?
Sillyme.Sometimesitjustsortofslipsout.
Meineptum.Interdummodoelabitur.
TalkingtoPets
Pollywantacracker?
Pulle!Visnefrustum?
Sit!Rollover!Yousee,heunderstandsLatin.
Sede!Volve!Ecce,Latinescit.
Badkitty!Whydon'tyouusethecatbox?
Iputnewlitterinit.
Felesmala!Cutcistanonuteris?
Stramentumnovumineaposui.
UsefulCurses
Maybarbariansinvadeyourpersonalspace!
Utinambarbarispatiumpropnumtuum
invadant!
Mayconspiratorsassassinateyouinthemall!
Utinamconiuratiteinforointerficiant!
Mayfaultylogicundermineyourentire
philosophy!
Utinamlogicafalsatuamphilosophiam
totamsuffodiant!
Mayyoualwaysmisusethesubjunctive!
Utinammodosubiunctivosempermale
utaris!
BiologicalTermsofEndearment
Homosapiens
Ahumanbeing

Fiberfervidus
Aneagerbeaver
Cuniculusinscius
Adumbbunny
Pavoabsolutus
Atotalturkey
Lacertusatrioli
Aloungelizard
Ferafestiva
Apartyanimal
Radixlecti
Acouchpotato
LinguaLatinaLibidinosa
Yes!Ooh!Ummm!
Aio!Hui!Hem!
Oh!More!Goon!
O!Plus!Perge!
Doyoucomehereoften?
Frequentasnehunclocum?
Haven'twemetsomewherebefore?
Nonnealicubipriusconvenimus?
What'syoursign?
Quosignonataes?
Youstrikemeasaverydeepperson.
Apparettehabereingeniumprofundum.
IfeelthatIalreadyknowyou.
Sentiomeiamtenovisse.
Ithinkfatebroughtustogether.
Credofatumnoscoegisse.
Yourplaceormine?
Apudnetevelme?
Youknow,theRomansinventedtheartoflove.
Romaniquidemartemamatoriaminvenerunt.
Alittlemoreupandtotheright.
Paululumsursumetdextrorsum.
Oh!More!Goon!Yes!Ooh!Ummm!
O!Plus!Petge!Aio!Hui!Hem!
EndingtheRelationship
Let'snotrushintoanything.
Inullamremneproperemus.
I'mnotreadytomakeacommitment.
Nonsumparatusmecommittere.
I'mnotsurewe'rerightforeachother.
Nescionumaliusidoneusaliisit.

Ihopewe'llstillbefriends.
Sperpnosfamiliaresmansuros.
Iguessfatewantedustopart.
Suspicorfatumnosvoluisse
diversos.
LATIN
LinguaLatinaCenatica
Givemeahamburger,Frenchfries,anda
thickshake.
Damihisisbubulaefrustumassae,
solanatuberosainmodoGallicofricta,
acquassumlactatumcoagulatumcrassum.
Thewaitressdrewasmileyfaceonthe
check.
Ancillaincomputationefaciem
subridentempinxit.
I'llhave...
Damihisis...
...
ahamburger,Frenchfries,andathickshake...
.
bubulaefrustumassae,solanatuberosain
modoGallicofrictaacquassum
lactatumcoagulatum
crassum.
...abucketoffriedchicken
...
.
hamampullitosti.
...apizzawitheverythingonit.
...
crustumEtruscumcumomnibusineo.
InaChainThemeRestaurant
IwanttheBuffalochickenwings.
AlasgallinaceasdeurbeBovisvolo.
Thewaitressdrewasmileyfaceonmy
check.
Ancillaincomputationefaciemsubridentem
pinxit.
Frankly,Ithinkthechefputtoomuchthymein
thesauce.
Utveredicam,credocoquumnimiumthymiin
liquamenmississe.
Lookatthesizeofthatpeppermill.

Eccemagnitudinemillaemolaepiperi.
It'sanicelittlewine,butitlackscharacterand
depth.
Vinumbellumiucundumqueest,sedanimo
corporequecaret.
InaChineseRestaurant
Please,noMSG.
Parce,sodes,glutamatomonosodio.
Doyouhave"fliedlice?"Hahaha.
Habesne"olyzamflictam?"Haehaehae.
AttheStop"n"Shop
Look!...
Ecce!...
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width3070
...
Jellybeans
...
Fabaesuaves
...
Potatochips
...
Assulaesolanorumtuberosorum
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Width3Width3070
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width3070
...
GummyBears
...
UrsuliGummi
...
CocaCola
...
ColaCoca
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width3070
...
Bubblegum
...
Manducabulla
...
CheezWhiz
...

CaseusVelox
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width3070
...
MarsBars
...
LateresMartiales
...
Twinkies
...
Scintillae
Width1Width3Width2870
Width3Width3070
...
MilkyWays
...
ViaeLacteae
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Tinfoil
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Bracteastannea
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MoonPies
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CrustaLunares
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GladBags
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SacciLaeti
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Pretzels
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Nodisalsi
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Aspirin
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Pilulaeacetylsalicylicae
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Takealookatthosesteaks!
Contemplatecarunculasillas!
You'vereallygottosoakthecharcoalwithfuel.
NecesseestcarbonemigneGraeco
madefacere.
Themosquitoesaremurdertonight!
Culicespessimihacnodesunt!
Evernoticedhowwhereveryoustand,thesmokegoes
right
intoyourface?
Animadvertistine,ubicumquestes,fumum
rectainfaciemferri?
Comeandgetit!
Veniteaccapite!
ARomanRecipe
1.Get1,000larks.
I.AlaudarumM
cape.
2.Removetheirtonguesandsetaside.
II.Linguasexsecaetsepone.
3.Discardthelarks.
III.Alaudasabice.
4.Putthetonguesinapanwithalittle
oilandsaut@eqkly.
IV.Linguasmitteinsartaginemcumpaulo
oleietfrigecito.
5.Transfertoahotplatter.Servesfour.
V.Easttaiceadpatellamcalidam.
Quattuorsufficit.
LinguaLatinaDomestica
Ihatebroccoli.
Odibrassicam
Givemeabreak.
Damihihabenas
Don'tplaywithyourfood.
Noliluderealimento.
Whatdoyousaywejointhecleanplateclub.
NosconiungamuscollegioPatellae
Purae.
DomesticDiscourse
Honey,I'mhome.
Mellita,domiadsum.
Sheesh,whataday!

Mehercle,quidies!
Youdidwhattothecar?
Quid
carruspassusest?
Youpaidhowmuchforthatdress?
Quantumillaestolaepependisti?
Something'sburning.
Aliquidardet.
Oh,no,it'stheroast,andthebossiscoming
todinner!
Vae,ardetassabubulaatquepatronusad
cenamveniet!
MinorMisunderstandings
Shoppinglist?Whatshoppinglist?
Libelluscomparandorum?Quilibellus
comparandorum?
Ithoughtyouweregoingtopickupthekids.
Crediditeliberoscolligere.
Don'taskmewherethekeysare.Youhadthem
last.
Nolimelogareubisintclaves.Easnunc
nuperhabebas.
Butyoutoldmeyourmotherwascoming
next
month!
Sedmedocuistimatremtuam
postero
menseventuramesse!
Acallfromsomeonenamed"Bubbles?"It'sawrong
number.
Vocatusnedequadam"Bullula"nomine?
Numerusfalsusest.
TableTalk
Myfavorite!Tunanoodlecasserole!
Meadilectissima!Farragothunni!
Whatdoyousaywejointhecleanplateclub.
Nosconiungamuscollegiapatellae
purae.
You'lleatitandlikeit,oryou'llhaveitfor
breakfast
tomorrow.
Autiddevorabisamabisque,auteras
prandebis.
Don'tplaywithyourfood!Rememberthestarving

Carthaginians!
Noliluderealimento!MementoCaithaginienses
esurientes!
LayingDowntheLaw
Thisreportcardisadisgrace.
Haecrenuntatioinfamisest.
Payattention!I'mspeakingtoyou!
Auscultamihi!Tibidico!
You'regrounded!
Addomumadligaris!
NoTVforaweek!
Nullamultravisionemspectabisper
septemdies!
I'mcuttingyourallowanceinhalf!
Peculiumdimidiatumest!
WhenIwasyourage...
Cumtamiuveniseramquamnunces...
...Ihadafulltimejobinasaltmine
...
insalinisdiulaborabam.
...IwontheNobelPrizeforpromptnessand
neatness.
...
PraemiumNobeliumceleritatiset
munditiaeabstuli.
...IcouldspeakLatin.
...
Latineloquipoteram.
ToughTalk
nOspells
No!
Verbum
non
N.o.n.scribitur!
Nothingdoing,andthat'sfinal.
Haudfiet,etclavofixumest.
Idon'tcarewhattheotherparentsare
doing.
Curaemihinonestquodaliiparentes
faciant.
Iamnotbeingunreasonable.
Nonsuminiquus.
Allright,we'llaskyourmother.
Bene,matiemtuamrogabimus.

Okay,justthisonce.
Ita,semeletsolumtibipermissumest.
DiscussingtheBabySitter
Ithinkshe'sfromanotherplanet.
Arbitroreamdeplanetaaliavenisse.
Didherparentsdropheroffhereina
spacecraft?
Astroscaphaneparenteseamhueportaverunt?
Maybeshe'sjustadrugaddict.
Fortassemodoopioaddictaest.
IthinkI'veseenherfaceonamilkcarton
ordownatthepostoffice.
Credomefaciemsuaminollalactisvelin
tabulariotabellariorumvidisse.
IntheMen'sDepartment
Thissuitlooksalittlebaggy.
Vestimentumlaxumpaululumvidetur.
Thelapelsaretoowide.
Fimbriaelatioressunt.
Idon'tlikethisshade.
Coloremhuncnondiligo.
Honey,whatdoyouthink?
Mellilla,quidsentis?
Whenwillitbeready?
Quandopraestofiet?
OntheRoad
Weoughttohavemadethatturn.
Nosopertuittuncvertisse.
Givemethemap.
Mihidatabulam.
Let'saskdirections.
Aliquemdeviaconsulamus.
Wouldyoulikemetodrive?
Visnemecurrumagree?
Iam
not
lost.
Neutiquamerro.
Settledownbackthere.
Sedatevos,posteriores.
Whydidn'tyougowhenyouhadthechance?
Curnonistimictumexoccasione?
You'lljusthavetoholditin.
Opusesttibiurinaminhibere.

Nexttimeyou'lltakethebus.
CarroCanisCaniveharisposthac.
LinguaLatinaRitibus
Whatalovelycouple!
Quiconiugesbelli!
It'snottoolatetobackout!
Non
serusmatrimoniumfugias!
Ihearshe'spregnant.
Intellegoeampraegnantemesse.
AtaBlackTieDinnerParty
Let'sswitchplacecards.
Chartaslocimutemus.
Isthistherightfork?
Hacinefurcillautidecet?
Wait,that'smybreadplate.
Siste,patellapanisestmea.
DoIdrinkthisorstickmyfingersinit?
Hocinebiboautineumdigitosinsero?
Mydessertisonfire!
Mensasecundameaflagrat!
AtaWedding
It'snottoolatetobackout!
Nonserusmatrimoniumfugias.
AtaChristening
Doyoueverworrythattherewasamixupatthe
hospital?
Vobisnecuraeumquamestnumin
valetudinarioconfusiofactasit?
AtaFuneral
Rememberwhenweonlyusedtorunintoeachother
atweddings?
Meministinecumnossoluminnuptiisobviam
eramus?
FinalLatin
DENIQUEDIAETAMEFFICACEMINVENI
ATLASTIHAVEFOUNDADIETTHAT
WORKS
NUNC,VEROINTERSAXUMETLOCUM
DURUMSUM
NOW,IREALLYAMBETWEENAROCKAND
AHARDPLACE
DIXIMEAEGROTARE,SEDECQUIS
AUSCULTARET?

ISAIDIWASSICK,BUTWOULD
ANYBODYLISTEN?
TAMEXANIMISQUAMTUNICANEHRU
FIO
IAMASDEADASTHENEHRU
JACKET
INVICEM,RESBONAESTNON
PLUSDENTHARPAGARUM
ONTHEOTHERHAND,THEGOODNEWS
ISNOMOREDENTISTRY
SICFRIATURCRUSTUMDULCE
ITISTHUSTHATTHECOOKIECRUMBLES
OBESACANTAVIT
THEFATLADYHASSUNG
ABOUTTHEAUTHOR
Descriptore
HenryBeardspenteightharrowingyearsstudying
Latin,duringwhichtimehereadselectionsfromthe
works
ofCaesar,Cicero,Virgil,Horace,
Ovid,Catullus,Plautus,Terence,and
Lucretius.Aftercofoundingthe
Englishlanguageperiodical
NationalLampoon
andwritinganumberofbooksinEnglish,including
Sailing:ASailor'sDictionary
and
MissPiggy'sGuidetoLife,
heishappytofinallyhaveanopportunitytomake
someuseofhisknowledgeofalanguagethatreally
hasn't
beenallthathelpfulovertheyears,
exceptforthetimehesuddenlyrealizedthatthe
thinghe
wasabouttoorderfromthemenuofarestaurantin
Rome
lookedanawfullotliketheLatinwordfor"eel."
Mr.Beardresidesin
NoviEboraci
(newYork).