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When you first meet someone it can be difficult to know how to start a conversation,
especially if your first language is not English.
Which topics are safe for small talk?
- Introductions, eg "Hello. May I introduce myself? My name is Mark"
- Travel, eg "Did you manage to find here OK?" or "Did you have a good journey?"
- Family, eg "How is your family?" (but only if you already know about the person's
family)
- Hospitality, eg "Can I get you something to eat or drink?"
- The weather, eg "It's a lovely day today, isn't it?"
- Holidays, eg "Are you going anywhere this weekend?" or "Are you going anywhere
on holiday this year?"
- Nature, eg "The garden looks lovely, doesn't it?"
- Pets, eg "What a lovely dog. What is his name?" (British people love dogs or cats)
- General news, eg "What do you think about the recent floods?" (but safer to avoid
gossip and politics)
- Films, eg "Have you seen the film Bridget Jones's Diary?"
- Television, eg "Did you see The X Factor last night?"
- Music, eg "What sort of music do you like?"
- Books, eg "Have you read any good books recently?" (but only if you know the
person likes reading)
- Sport, eg "Have you been watching Wimbledon?" (note that many British people,
especially men, enjoy talking about football)
- Hobbies, eg "What do you enjoy doing in your spare time?"
- Business, eg "How's your business going?" (but only ask if you know the person has
a business)
- Studies, eg "What are you studying?" (but only ask if you know the person is a
student)
- Work, eg "What sort of work do you do?"
- Food, eg "I had a lovely Chinese meal last night - do you like Chinese food?"
- General matters about the person you are talking to, eg "Have you lived in this area
long?"
- General matters on subjects that you know that interests the person you are talking
to, eg cars, film stars etc
Which topics are best avoided for small talk?
You may need to be careful when you talk about some topics, especially with people
that you've only just met, people who are older than you, people who appear to have
strong religious or political views, or people who may have some personal problems
or sensitivities. For example, be cautious if you discuss these subjects:
- Age, eg "How old are you?"
- Appearance or weight, eg "You seem to have put on some weight"
- Personal gossip about somebody you know
- Jokes that might offend (especially sexist or racist jokes)
- Money, eg "How much do you earn?"
- Sex (some people have strong religious views about this, or are embarrassed by the
subject)
- Previous or current relationships, eg "Do you have a girlfriend?"
- Politics, eg "Who did you vote for at the last election?"
- Religion, eg "Do you believe in God?"
- Criticisms or complaints, eg "Why is British food so bad?"
1. Queuing
Its definitely normal, in some cultures, to squeeze into the queue, or jump the queue, or not make a queue at all. However,
this is England. Queuing is very, very important to us. In no circumstance should you cut into, jump, or attempt to avoid a
queue. You are to join the end and wait your turn. People WILL make a point of it if you attempt to do otherwise. Even if
there is no obvious queue, people will be making a mental note of who arrived whenso if you then jump on the bus before
the someone who was there earlier, people will not be happy!
We are incredibly polite in the UKyoull find that British people will frequently apologise for EVERYTHING. And we mean
everythingeven if its not your fault. If youre walking down the road, and someone bumps into you even if it is entirely
not your fault it is completely normally for both people to apologise. Brits will apologise almost as reflex. According to GB
Mag - Brits can say sorry up to 1.9 million times during their lifetime! We also say please and thank you all the time too
whoever you are dealing with, good manners are always welcome!
3. Tipping
Tipping in the UK is not compulsory. If you feel youve had good service in a restaurant, then you can leave a tip (usually
around 10%) but make sure you check the bill in case service has already been included! It is normal to tip taxi drivers and
hairdressers too the amount you tip is up to you, but again 10% is usually fine.
4. Be on time
We like to be on time, and we like others to be on time too. If you arrange to meet someone at 10, you should be there at 10.
If youre running late, it is best to contact the person youre meeting to let them know.
Now is your opportunity to talk until your hearts content about what a LOVELY day it is todaythat its supposed to snow
next weekand hasnt there been a lot of rain recently? And so on and so forth. We do love a good chat about the weather.
When you first meet someone, it is polite to make general conversation with them (or small talk) and to avoid personal
topics, such as political beliefs, age and money. Besides the weather, other safe topics of conversation for someone youve
just met could be about studies, travel, music, sport, recent activities, the local area. You could always prepare yourself and
check the weather forecast so you have at least 5 days worth of weather chat stored in your mind as back up!
6. Buy a round
Most pubs in the UK dont have table service, so you have to go to the bar and order your drinks there. If youre in the pub
with friends, it is normal to buy rounds. This simply means to take it in turns to buy drinks for your group of friends. So when
you first arrive in the pub, you might say its my round, and buy a drink for everyone else in the group and then another
friend will buy the next round of drinks, and so on until everyone has bought a round. This can carry over into your next pub
visit.if youre with a group of 8 people, it doesnt mean you HAVE to have 8 drinks that night. It is just polite to remember
the next time you go out if its your turn to buy a round!
7. BYOB
BYOB is a phrase youre bound to hear if youre going to a party. It stands for Bring Your Own Bottleand basically means,
bring a bottle of drink with you. Even if it doesnt state this on the invitation, it is polite to bring a bottle of drink with you
anyway if youre going to a party at someones house this could be a soft drink, a bottle of wine or some beer. On the
subject of parties, its normal for a party in the UK to start at around 7-9pm. In other cultures, this might seem FAR too
earlybut thats they way we do it here!
The general public dont want to hear what you did last night, what happened between your best friend and her boyfriend or
where your cousin has been on holiday. So whether youre talking on the phone while sitting in a caf or gossiping with your
friend on the train, try and keep the volume on your voice box turned down. British people tend to be quite reserved, so you
may find if youre talking a bit too loudly or sharing a bit too muchyou may get a few glares and the odd tut.
9. Greetings
Do you shake hands? Kiss on the cheek? How many? How about a hug? Saying hello and goodbye can be a bit of a bit of a
grey area for everyone, even Brits themselves. Some situations are easy in a formal situation (job interview, business
meeting), you should always greet someone with a firm handshake. Man to man, a handshake is normally the best greeting
too, regardless of the situation. But woman to man? Woman to woman? Thats when it gets complicated! For a first meeting,
a handshake is always the safest option. The Guardian has put together a humorous guide to the top tips for getting the
right greeting. If in doubt, always go with a handshake.
10. Smoking
Smoking in all indoor public places in the UK is now illegal and be aware that indoor places include train station platforms
and bus shelters! Do not light up unless you are outside or in a designated smoking area. If you smoke in an area where
smoking is prohibited, you will find yourself thrown out rather swiftly and could get yourself fined or even arrested.
QUEUING
In the UK, wherever there is a mass of people you will find an orderly queue.
British etiquette dictates that when you arrive, you join the back of the queue so that each
person receives the service in the order that they arrived. We wait our turn in queues.
The notion of an orderly queue relies on everyone in the queue agreeing that this is fair. It is
seen as unfair if someone doesnt join the queue and pushes in.
Queuing can seem very strange if you are not used to it however if you are seen to push in
it is considered very rude and unfair to other people who have been waiting. If in doubt ask
is this the back of the queue? to avoid offending anyone.
A common British trait is that despite everybody in the queue being annoyed with someone
who has pushed in, very few people will ask that person to go to the back of the queue.
British people do not like to cause a scene by arguing, but likewise, we like people to know
we are annoyed in subtle ways. Instead people will shake their head, roll their eyes, tut,
and/or have an angry facial expression. They may also complain to the person next to them
in the queue.
Photo by Daviddje
PLEASE AND THANK YOU! MINDING YOUR PS AND QS
Many people from outside the UK find it strange that we say please and thank you as
much as we do. It is considered polite, well-mannered and is a regularity of British speech.
What may surprise you is when we are in a shop, restaurant or anywhere we are receiving
customer service, we say thank you to the person serving us e.g. when they give you
change, the bill, or come to give you your food and drinks. In Britain, every social
transaction is eased by reiteration of these phrases from both parties.
Remembering to say please and thank you is very important, if you are not doing it you may
be told to mind your ps and qs or, more specifically, to say both please (ps) and
thank you (thank qs).
BEING TACTILE
Britain isnt a particularly tactile country. Because of this, some cultures perceive British
people as being completely unemotional whilst others perceive us as having a stiff
upper lip. This refers to the fact that British people do have emotions, theyre just very
good at hiding them. When a persons upper lip begins to tremble, it is one of the first signs
that the person has experienced deep emotion. The stiff upper lip is an idiom to our ability
to conceal our emotions and keep a straight face.
Whilst you may be hugged and kissed 2 or 3 times by a total stranger in some European
countries, its unlikely that you would receive the same reception in the UK. Social
kissing is becoming popular in Britain, but it is by no means an accepted norm. For
example it is rare for men to kiss in the UK- this is usually a gesture reserved for women.
Kissing is not appropriate in many professional situations. If you are unsure,stick to a
handshake (see below).
Holding hands as friends in the UK is quite unusual. Instead, more common for female
friends is to link arms. For male friends, there is usually no contact. Holding hands is
usually reserved only for parent-children relationships, or between partners (e.g. girlfriend &
boyfriend, husband & wife).
DISCUSSING MONEY
Unlike in most countries, discussing how much you earn or how much something
costs (anything from the cost of clothes, up to the price of a house) has traditionally been
a strictly taboo subject according to British etiquette. Sometimes British people find
it embarrassing to discuss money and it can be seen as rude.
If you are having a conversation with someone new, money and personal wealth are
subjects best avoided. Only discuss money if the other person has raised this then you
know they feel comfortable talking about it. Definitely do not ask somebody how much they
earn. If you talk about how much money you have and all of things you bought, it can be
seen as bragging, particularly when it heightens the difference between your financial
situation and that of the person you are talking to.
However, things are changing and British people are more open to discussing things such
as house prices or how much their holiday cost. But usually this is if the item they have
bought is perceived as a bargain, for example if they bought their house below market
value because the seller wanted a quick sale or got a really good deal on their holiday
package.
Get the pressure right do not crush the other persons hand but equally
do not offer a limp hand
Check that your palms are not sweaty. Pat lightly and discreetly on your
clothing before shaking someones hand if needed.
Keep it brief. Shake the hand just two or three times before letting go.
Good manners at the dining table are very important in Britain. It is quite likely that you
will find British table manners strange when you first arrive in the UK and it will take you a
while to get used to them. Here are some pointers to help you:
Unless your host instructs you to start eating immediately, wait until
everyone has been served their food until you start eating.
If you are dining in a group and food is shared, put others needs before
your own. Offer to serve food to your neighbours first, and do not take too
much; leave enough for others, and do not take more than you can eat.
If you are right handed, your knife should be held in your right hand and
your fork should be held in your left hand. If you are left handed, it is
becoming more acceptable to hold your knife and fork the other way around.
Cutlery should be rested on the sides of the plate between mouthfuls and
together in the centre when you are finished.
Do not eat nosily. In the UK, people eat very quietly, almost silently. It will
seem very strange if you make a lot of noise whilst you eat. Take small
mouthfuls, keep your mouth closed when you chew, and swallow delicately.
When drinking soup do not slurp.
Eat slowly. Eating quickly and/or overeating makes you appear greedy.
Do not pass gas or wind at the dining table. In some cultures this is a sign
of appreciation but in the UK this is seen as very rude and doing so will upset
other people at the dining table.
If you are staying with a homestay, you should wait until everyone has
finished or you are told to leave the table. If you really need to leave, you can
ask to leave the table.
terms with their doctor where as in the past they had always been known by their surname
e.g. Dr. Smith.
There remains certain situations where you would never address a person by their first
name unless you were invited to do so. This includes your teachers and people of an older
generation. For many older people the easy use of their first name is seen as over-familiar.
If youre not sure, opt for formality (e.g. Mr and Mrs Smith).
WEATHER
In Britain, we love to talk about the weather! Perhaps its due to the unpredictability of
the weather in the UK and our inability to prepare for extreme weather conditions. For
example, the UK grinds to a halt if there is more than a few inches of snow fall.
Talking about the weather serves as an ice-breaker. When a British person meets a
stranger a safe subject of discussion is the weather. The function of the conversation is to
initiate contact between two individuals. The conversation will usually take a diversion once
a shared common ground is discovered but the weather in the UK provides us with a variety
of topics as a starting point.
If you are in a group, you may be served a pot of tea. If the pot is placed
near you, it is polite to pour tea for the rest of the group.
Tea should be poured first and milk and sugar added afterwards.
If your tea is too hot to drink, dont blow on it. Wait patiently for it to cool.
If you are having a cream tea the most common way of preparing a scone
is to cut it in half, spread it with jam first, then add clotted cream on top.
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When in Rome, do as the Romans do. This proverb is so true that Ive gathered 10
British etiquette and customs that I think international student ought to know. There
is a proper way to act in most situations and the British are sticklers for adherence
to protocol.
1) Visiting.
In most houses in Britain, the door are usually kept closed. It is customary to visit
people at a pre-arranged time and day. As a generalization, people are not
comfortable if you just drop in. Nevertheless, if someone says to drop in at
anytime, feel free to do so as long as it is not in the middle of the night.
When you go into someones house, do take your hat off (men only). It is impolite
for men to wear hats indoors especially in churches. Nowadays, it is becoming more
common to see men wearing hats indoors. However, this is still seen as being
impolite, especially to the older generations
2) Form of Greeting
In Britain the handshake is the common form of greeting. When you meet people for
the first time, it is normal to shake hands. A firm handshake is the norm; there are
no issues over gender in Britain. The usual formal greeting is How do you do? and
a firm handshake, but with a lighter touch between men and women.
How do you do? is a greeting not a question & the correct response is to repeat
How do you do? You say this when shaking hands with someone.
In Britain, Unlike some other European Countries, It is not unusual to embrace or
kiss the other person ( unless they are family or a very close friend). The British
might seem a little stiff and formal at first but after a while they will relax as you get
to know each other.
Avoid prolonged eye contact when you meet people for the first time, as it might
make them feel uncomfortable. In Britain, there still some protocol to follow when
introducing people in a business or more formal social situation. Introduce a
younger person to an older person, that is, introduce a person of lower status to a
person of higher status. When two people are of similar age and rank, introduce the
one you know better to the other person.
3) Gift Giving Etiquette.
During Birthday and Christmas celebrations, it is common for the British to
exchange gifts between family members and close friends. The gift need not be
expensive, but it should usually demonstrate an attempt to find something that is
related to the recipients interests. When invited to someones home, it is normal to
take along a box of good chocolates, a good bottle of wine or flowers. I have found
from experience that the British love chocolates. Note that Gifts are opened when
received!
4) Queuing
Queuing is a unique part of the British culture. People in Britain usually form a
queue or a single line in a shop, or when they want to buy a ticket with the
intention of allowing those who arrived first to be served first. It is advisable to take
your place in the queue and not try to muscle your way to the front as this may
annoy other people in the queue. If you are really in a desperate hurry, people will
always let you through to the front if you politely ask.
If invited to a meal at a restaurant, the person extending the invitation usually pays.
Usually Starters will be served first, followed by the main course, before dessert.
When discussing business over dinner, be prepared to back up your claims with
facts and figures. Brits rely on facts, rather than emotions, to make decisions.
7) Making Friends
As Mentioned in my post 10 British facts all international students should know, the
Brits are generally friendly and open-minded. It usually takes some effort at first to
build relationships, but once built it could last over a long period of time. one easy
way to make friends is to chat with your school mates as the opportunity presents
itself. Attending activities and parties organized by the Student Union is another
great way to make friends and meet new people.
Generally, the Brits are very reserved and private people and their women are
accustomed to being independent. It is considered impolite to ask a lady her
age. The two classic signs a lady would like to be left alone are reading a newspaper
or listening to music through headphones. Only interrupt if you actually know the
lady quite well.
In the UK It is deemed okay for a woman or young lady to drink alcohol and smoke
cigarettes, unlike many parts of Africa.
8) Tipping
Tipping is not expected in the UK, in the way it is in the United States or Canada,
but is much appreciated. It is not necessary to tip at all in taxis, but it is customary
to round up to the nearest pound on metered taxi journeys, more as a convenience
than a tip. On an airport journey in a booked minicab you might wish to tip two or
three pounds if the driver helps with your bags. If taking a metered London taxi
from Heathrow the metered charge will be so high compared to minicabs, that this
really is not necessary.
Some restaurants add on an optional service charge to bills, of typically 10% or
12.5%. This should always be noted in the menu. If you are unhappy with the
service you can ask for it to be removed. For parties of six or more the service
charge is sometimes mandatory. If a service charge has been added onto your bill,
you should NOT add any further tip
9) How to Behave in Public Places
It is impolite to stare at people in public places; and spitting in the street is
considered to be very bad mannered. Also try not to pick your nose in a public
place. If your nostrils need de-bugging, use a handkerchief.
Most members of the British public will happily provide you with directions if you
approach them politely. Make sure you are familiar with terms like roundabouts,
level crossings, traffic lights, zebra crossings, bus lanes, contra flow, and, if using
any of the motorways, traffic jams.
10) Thank you/ Im Sorry/ Please
The Brits say thank you a lot, even for minor things. If you accidentally bump into
someone, say sorry. They probably will too, even if it was your fault! This is a habit
and can be seen as very amusing by an outsider.
sometime the Brits say cheers instead of thank you. You may hear cheers said
instead of good bye, what they are really saying is thanks and bye. There are no
absolute rules about when to use polite terms, but you should certainly use them
when shopping or addressing strangers.
- See more at: http://internationalscholarshipguide.com/10-british-etiquettecustoms-shouldnt-forget/#sthash.UEWlLhf9.dpuf
The British exchange gifts between family members and close friends for birthdays
and Christmas.
The gift need not be expensive, but it should usually demonstrate an attempt to find
something that related to the recipients interests.
If invited to someone's home, it is normal to take along a box of good chocolates, a
good bottle of wine or flowers.
Gifts are opened when received.
A simple handshake is the standard greeting (for both men and women) for business occasions and
for visiting a home.
Privacy is very important to the English. Therefore asking personal questions or intensely staring at
another person should be avoided.
Eye contact is seldom kept during British conversations.
To signal that something is to be kept confidential or secret, tap your nose.
Personal space is important in England, and one should maintain a wide physical space when
conversing. Furthermore, it is considered inappropriate to touch others in public.
Giving of gifts are not required as part of doing business in England.
A business lunch will often be conducted in a pub and will consist of a light meal and perhaps a pint
of ale.
When socializing after work hours, do not bring up the subject of work.
When dining out, it is not considered polite to toast those who are older than yourself.
Get started with this short primer on culture and social etiquette in the United
Kingdom.
There are no strict etiquette rules that you have to stick to when in the UK. It is advisable, however,
to demonstrate decent manners and respect to the local culture and traditions.
The first, and most important step, is to be aware of the clearly distinct nations which form the UK.
The United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland consists of England, Scotland, Wales and
Northern Ireland. The citizens of any of these countries may be referred to as "British". This term is
also the safest to use when not certain of a person's heritage. When certain of heritage, you are free
to call the different residents as follows: English, Scot, Welsh or Irish. While the four countries share
many customs, each has its own set of traditions and history.
For formal dinners, lunches, or appointments you always come at the exact time appointed.
For public meetings, plays, concerts, movies, sporting events, classes, church services, and
weddings, it's best to arrive a few minutes early.
You can arrive any time during the hours specified for teas, receptions and cocktail parties.
The British often use expressions such as "drop in anytime" and "come see me soon". However, do
not take these literally. To be on the safe side, always telephone before visiting someone at home. If
you receive a written invitation to an event that says "RSVP", you should respond to the sender as
soon as possible, whether you are going to attend or not.
Women's rules
Women in Britain are entitled to equal respect and status as men, both at work and daily life. The
British have the habit to use 'affectionate' names when addressing someone, so do not take any
offense if they call you love, dearie, or darling. These are commonly used and not considered rude.
It is acceptable, but may be misconstrued, for a foreign woman to invite an English man to dinner. It
is best to stick with lunch. Also, if you would like to pay for your meal, you should state it at the
outset. Remember that when in public, it is proper to cross your legs at the ankles, instead at the
knees.