Example of a Query Letter

Dear Ms. Kole,

[1] According to your agencys website youre actively seeking middle-grade fiction, so Im
pleased to introduce my novel, A Smidgen of Sky. [2] This novel won me a scholarship to attend
the Highlights Foundation Writers Workshop at Chautauqua. It was also awarded honorable
mention in the Smart Writers W.I.N. Competition.
[3] A Smidgen of Sky is the story of ten-year-old Piper Lee DeLuna, a spunky, impulsive dreamer,
whose fierce devotion to her missing father is threatened by her mothers upcoming remarriage.
[4] Everyone else has long accepted her fathers death, but the fact that his body was never
recovered from his wrecked plane leads to Pipers dream that he might one day reappear and
free her from the secret guilt she harbors over his accident. Her stubborn focus leaves no room in
her affections for her mothers fianc, Ben, or his princess-like daughter, Ginger.
[5] Determined to stop the wedding, Piper Lee schemes up Operation Finding Tinaa sure plan
to locate Bens ex-wife and get the two of them back together. But just as Piper succeeds with
step one of her plan, a riot breaks out at the prison where Ben works, and suddenly nothing
seems sure.
[6] Since middle-graders care deeply about things and people and love to daydream about their
future, I think readers will identify with Piper Lee and find her an appealing heroine as she learns
that you can both cherish the past and embrace the future.
[7] This story, set in the coastal region of Georgia, runs about 33,000 words and is somewhat
similar in tone to Kate DiCamillos Because of Winn-Dixie.
[8] Im a 1990 graduate of the Institute of Childrens Literature and my work has been published
in U*S* Kids, Child Life, Columbia Kids, True Love, Guide and StoryPlus.
Thanks very much for your time. I have included the first ten pages and look forward to hearing
from you.
Truly yours,
Dianna Winget

Agent Comments on Query Letter Example

[1] This is pretty basic personalization, but it shows me that Dianna did her research. In your
query, make it clear that youve done your homework and are querying this particular agent with
good reason. Agents like to see signs that youre a savvy writer who is deliberate about the
submission processthat bodes well for your working style, should we partner with you in the
future.
[2] Its unusual to lead with accolades, but in the childrens world, the Highlights Chautauqua
workshop is a big deal, so this got my attention. If you have similar achievements, by all means,
shout them from your opening paragraph! If not, just dive right in and start telling me about your
novel.
[3] In setting up your story, you absolutely must convey a sense of what your main character
wants most in the world, and of whats standing in her way, as Dianna does here. We care about

Piper Lee right away

because we know what she cares about, and this is key.
[4] We get a good sense of Pipers character here; its important that your query not just flatly
tell us about your characters, but show us who they are. The conflict (another essential element
of all compelling fiction) rises when the fianc and future stepsister are introduced. Dianna does
a great job of establishing her protagonists denial, and shes already built a lot of tension when
she hints at what will soon shatter it. This further demonstrates that her story is driven by strong
character motivationsjust as any good page-turner should be.
[5] This gutsy scheme teaches me even more about Piper Lee. Its also bound to have some
disastrous consequences, and thats exactly what agents want to see in a novel: strong actions,
strong ramifications, and lots of emotions tied to each.
[6] This is a bit of self-analysis that I wish writers wouldnt indulge in when writing queries.
Dianna couldve easily left this paragraph out (especially the vague since middle-graders care
deeply about things and people) and let the strength of the story speak for itself. Of course you
think the book is thematically resonant and that readers will love ityou wrote it! So refrain from
editorializing. That said, this still makes this letter a great example to show herebecause its
proof that even a query faux pas wont result in an instant rejection. If you sell your story well
enough, agents will overlook small missteps.
[7] This simple sentence is a great and concise summary of necessary information. When you
query, be sure to include the stats of your manuscript (genre, target audience, word count, etc.)
and any relevant comparative titleswith a caveat: Be sure to highlight a comp title only if it
helps the agent get an accurate picture of the style of your story and if it doesnt smack of
delusions of grandeur. Claiming youre James Patterson meets Dan Brown is useless. Diannas
comparison here was quite apt and, again, made her seem savvyand realistic.
[8] The bio paragraph and sign-off are short and sweet, and thats really all we need. If youve
hit on the basics well and conveyed the essence of your story and why its a good fit for that
particular agent, youve done all you can to entice us to request the full manuscript.