Unequal divorce laws rendering men

helpless

myrepublica.com
ANJALI SUBEDI KATHMANDU, March 13: When you are not given lawful
exit from a marriage that has failed to work, you either harm yourself or
the other party to get out of the situation.

DIG Ranjan Koirala might not have killed his wife for no reason. The state-

ment comes from Bishal Thapa*, a man of 39 who fought for divorce for 3
years but failed to get it eventually.

The lost legal battle to free himself of the troubled marital life cost him his
career, social circle and above all, jeopardized his pursuit for happiness in
life, lamented Thapa, a former lecturer at a college in Kathmandu.

The story goes like this. Thapa and his wife had a normal life for two years

of their marriage. Their relationship soured due to some reason and things
continue to a turn for the worse over time. Soon, both he and his wife went

public about their situation, charging each other of torture and abuses.
While the mans story, being the anti-current news of violence against

men, got sufficient media coverage, the woman on the other hand got the
support of several womens organization, who were ready to rally behind
her.

Unlike Thapa, his wife began to use facebook wall to portray the "real face"
of her husband, arousing interests and comments from advocates and analysts interested in social issues and discovering new things happening in
the society.

While both had ruled out any possibility of things getting any better their

demands were completely different. Thapa wanted to end the relationship

by getting divorce, but his wife wanted to keep her "culprit husband"
hitched to prevent him from enjoying freedom.

With their case drawing attention of hundreds of people, the Supreme

Court recently decided in favor of his wife, leaving Thapa to ponder over
few questions.

My wife says I am an abuser. She says I am not fit to be a husband. She

has damaged my reputation and my life in every possible way. But if that is
the case, shouldnt I be left alone? says Thapa.

While the wife was not available for comments, Meera Dhungana, the advo-

cate who handled this case, stated that she won as she did not want to

leave the husband irrespective the developments in the marital life. Turn-

ing such cases in favor of women is not a big deal as divorce laws are more
sympathetic toward women, states Dhungana.

Interestingly, it is again the patriarchal mindset that has led to this situa-

tion. Who are the lawmakers in our country? Majority of them are males
and they could not imagine men becoming a victim as they consider themselves superior, Dhungana explained.

In Thapas case, his wife is free to restart a new life with another man if
she wishes to do so. Then, her marriage would automatically come to an

end. But in case of Thapa, he could be jailed for up to 3 years and fined Rs
25,000 if he goes for a second marriage.

If a wife files a case against her husband accusing him of polygamy, he

could be slapped a jail term of up to 3 years," says Dhungana, adding, "But
if a wife chooses to remarry, that simply annuls the marriage.

Now, as he could not get divorce, the situation is forcing Thapa to reconcile

with wife. But this is extremely unfair, remarks an advocate Keshab Raj
Aryal who had filed case. Marriage is about mutual journey. No one can be

forced to remain in it unwillingly; this is a sheer violation of human rights

and freedom. But the divorce law in Nepal is unfortunately tilted against
men.

Commission wary of flood of divorce if law made flexible

As men do not have a separate body to take interest in their marital prob-

lems, many men reach out to women commission seeking its support to

sort out their problems. According to the officers at the legal section of the
commission, number of such males is constantly on rise.

Men wanting divorce want us to work as a facilitator for this. They come
to us, of course, when their wives are not ready to grant divorce, says Kal-

pana Khatiwada, legal officer at the commission. The law is biased and
some men have literally been victim of this. But such cases are very few

and we are not sure whether it is already the time to review the law, she
added.

According to legal expert of the commission Saraj Raj Thapa, if the law eas-

ily allows men to leave their wives, it is going trigger shocking results.
You will see hundreds of men going for divorce. Will this do any good to
society?

The assumption of the officials at the commission is based on the cases they

have been handling since a few years. Many women come here after being

neglected by their husband. The men wanting divorce start torturing wives
so that they simply get rid of the women. These men would leave the
women in seconds if the law is made flexible, stated Thapa.

Note: The ( * ) sign denotes Name Changed ( The name- Bishal Thapamentioned in the article is not the real name)

Keshab Raj Aryal

Keshab Raj Aryal, an advocate who has handled divorce cases since long

and has been researching in this particular topic, had in 2011 appealed
before Supreme Court judges to reform the divorce laws. The court had
then ordered for necessary homework to make divorce laws equally men

friendly. However, the matter was not followed up, said Aryal. Excerpts of
the interview:

Why did you want the court to review the law?

It is very important to give justice to women to empower them. But at the

same time, men have equal rights over justice. Currently, the divorce law in

Nepal is very imbalanced and faulty. Men cannot even go to the court
directly to file divorce.

What is the process for men?

Unlike for women, they have to go through VDC or ward, where the case
stays for a minimum of a year. Even after it reaches the court, there is the
least chance of their winning. Men win in less than one-fourth of cases.

It is said that making the law liberal for men would invite flood of
divorce cases?

Will anyone leave wife or husband just because the law allows it? If our

society is going to see such reaction following flexible divorce laws, we

should understand there is something wrong with our social and marital
life and the way we have been interpreting it. We should not promote
hypocrisy. When one party in the marriage is not happy, the other one cannot be happy or peaceful either.

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