14 Signs of Psychological and Emotional Manipulation - Psychology Today

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Preston Ni M.S.B.A.
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/preston-ni-msba>
*Preston Ni M.S.B.A.
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/experts/preston-ni-msba>* Communication
Success
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/communication-success>
14 Signs of Psychological and Emotional Manipulation
How to spot a manipulator
Posted Oct 11, 2015
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*P*sychological manipulation can be defined as the exercise of undue
influence through mental distortion and emotional exploitation, with the
intention to seize power, control, benefits and/or privileges at the
victims expense.
It is important to distinguish healthy social influence from
psychological manipulation. Healthy social influence occurs between most
people, and is part of the give and take of constructive relationships.
In psychological manipulation, one person is used for the benefit of
another. The manipulator deliberately creates an imbalance of power, and
exploits the victim to serve his or her agenda.
Below is a list of fourteen tricks manipulative people often use to
coerce others into a position of disadvantage, excerpted from by book
(click on link): How to Successfully Handle Manipulative People(link is
external) <http://nipreston.com/new/publications/>. This is not meant
to be an exhaustive list, but rather a compilation of subtle as well as
strident examples of coercion. Not everyone who acts in the following
manners may be deliberately trying to manipulate you. Some people simply
have very poor habits. Regardless, its important to recognize these
behaviors in situations where your rights, interests and safety are at
stake.
*1. Home Court Advantage *
A manipulative individual may insist on you meeting and interacting in a
physical space where he or she can exercise more dominance and control.
This can be the manipulators office, home, car, or other spaces where
he feels ownership and familiarity (and where you lack them).
*2. Let You Speak First to Establish Your Baseline and Look for Weaknesses*
Many sales people do this when they prospect you. By asking you general
and probing questions, they establish a baseline about your thinking and
behavior, from which they can then evaluate your strengths and
weaknesses. This type of questioning with hidden agenda can also occur
at the workplace <https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/career> or in
personal relationships.
*3. Manipulation of Facts*
Examples: Lying <https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/deception>.
Excuse making. Two faced. Blaming the victim for causing their own
victimization. Deformation of the truth. Strategic disclosure or
withholding of key information. Exaggeration. Understatement. One-sided
bias <https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/bias> of issue.
*4. Overwhelm You with Facts and Statistics*
Some individuals enjoy intellectual bullying
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/bullying> by presuming to be
the expert and most knowledgeable in certain areas. They take advantage
of you by imposing alleged facts, statistics, and other data you may
know little about. This can happen in sales and financial situations, in
professional discussions and negotiations, as well as in social and
relational arguments. By presuming expert power over you, the
manipulator hopes to push through her or his agenda more convincingly.
Some people use this technique for no other reason than to feel a sense
of intellectual superiority.
*5. Overwhelm You with Procedures and Red Tape*
Certain people use bureaucracy paperwork, procedures, laws and
by-laws, committees, and other roadblocks to maintain their position and
power, while making your life more difficult. This technique can also be
used to delay fact finding and truth seeking, hide flaws and weaknesses,
and evade scrutiny.
*6. Raising Their Voice and Displaying Negative Emotions*
Some individuals raise their voice during discussions as a form of
aggressive manipulation. The assumption may be that if they project
their voice loudly enough, or display negative emotions, youll submit
to their coercion and give them what they want. The aggressive voice is
frequently combined with strong body language
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/body-language>such as standing
or excited gestures to increase impact.
*7. Negative Surprises *
Some people use negative surprises to put you off balance and gain a
psychological advantage. This can range from low balling in a
negotiation situation, to a sudden profession that she or he will not be
able to come through and deliver in some way. Typically, the unexpected
negative information comes without warning, so you have little time to
prepare and counter their move. The manipulator may ask for additional
concessions from you in order to continue working with you.

*8. Giving You Little or No Time to Decide*
This is a common sales and negotiation tactic, where the manipulator
puts pressure on you to make a decision before youre ready. By applying
tension and control onto you, it is hoped that you will crack and give
in to the aggressors demands.
*9. Negative Humor <https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/humor>
Designed to Poke at Your Weaknesses and Disempower You*
Some manipulators like to make critical remarks, often disguised as
humor or sarcasm, to make you seem inferior and less secure. Examples
can include any variety of comments ranging from your appearance, to
your older model smart phone, to your background and credentials, to the
fact that you walked in two minutes late and out of breath. By making
you look bad, and getting you to feel bad, the aggressor hopes to impose
psychological superiority over you.
*10. Consistently Judge and Criticize You to Make You Feel Inadequate*
Distinct from the previous behavior where negative humor is used as a
cover, here the manipulator outright picks on you. By constantly
marginalizing, ridiculing, and dismissing you, she or he keeps you
off-balance and maintains her superiority. The aggressor deliberately
fosters the impression that theres always something wrong with you, and
that no matter how hard you try, you are inadequate and will never be
good enough. Significantly, the manipulator focuses on the negative
without providing genuine and constructive solutions, or offering
meaningful ways to help.
*11. The Silent Treatment*
By deliberately not responding to your reasonable calls, text messages,
emails, or other inquiries, the manipulator presumes power by making you
wait, and intends to place doubt and uncertainty in your mind. The
silent treatment is a head game where silence is used as a form of leverage.
*12. Pretend Ignorance *
This is the classic playing dumb tactic. By pretending she or he
doesnt understand what you want, or what you want her to do, the
manipulator/passive-aggressive
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/passive-aggression> makes you
take on what is her responsibility, and gets you to break a sweat. Some
children use this tactic in order to delay, stall, and manipulate adults
into doing for them what they dont want to do. Some grown-ups use this
tactic as well when they have something to hide, or obligation they wish
to avoid.
*13. Guilt-Baiting *
Examples: Unreasonable blaming. Targeting recipients soft spot. Holding
another responsible for the manipulators happiness
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/happiness> and success, or
unhappiness and failures.
By targeting the recipients emotional weaknesses and vulnerability, the
manipulator coerces the recipient into ceding unreasonable requests and
demands.
*14. Victimhood *
Examples: Exaggerated or imagined personal issues. Exaggerated or
imagined health <https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/health> issues.
Dependency. Co-dependency. Deliberate frailty to elicit sympathy and
favor. Playing weak, powerless, or martyr.
The purpose of manipulative victimhood is often to exploit the
recipients good will, guilty
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/guilt> conscience
<https://www.psychologytoday.com/basics/ethics-and-morality>, sense of
duty and obligation, or protective and nurturing instinct, in order to
extract unreasonable benefits and concessions.
*Preston Ni, M.S.B.A.* is the author of (click on titles) "How to
Successfully Handle Manipulative People(link is external)
<http://nipreston.com/new/publications/>, How to Communicate
Effectively and Handle Difficult People(link is external)
<http://nipreston.com/new/publications/>, and How to Let Go of
Negative Thoughts and Emotions(link is external)
<http://nipreston.com/new/publications/>. *Download free excerpts* at:
www.nipreston.com(link is external)
<http://nipreston.com/new/publications/>.
Follow me on Twitter(link is external)
<https://twitter.com/commsuccess>, Facebook(link is external)
<https://www.facebook.com/preston.ni>, and LinkedIn(link is external)
<https://www.linkedin.com/in/commsuccess>.
* 2015 by Preston C. Ni. All rights reserved worldwide. Copyright
violation may subject the violator to legal prosecution.*
*
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14 Signs of Psychological and Emotional Manipulation - Psychology Today

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