SELF AWARENESS

The ability to know your potential, limitations, feelings as well as

your position in society. Self awareness includes recognition of
our personality, our strengths and weaknesses, our likes and
dislikes.
Developing self-awareness can help us to recognize when we are
stressed or under pressure. It is also often a prerequisite for
effective communication and interpersonal relations, as well as
for developing empathy for others. This is important in helping
one to discover and accept self, plan for the future and even
accept others.

BENEFITS OF SELF-AWARENESS
The better you understand yourself, the better you are able to
accept or change who you are.
Being in the dark about yourself means that you will continue to
get caught up in your own internal struggles and allow outside
forces to mould and shape you.
How we see ourselves may be clouded by the feedback messages
we received about ourselves from others.
But how could anyone know more about you than you?
They do not feel your emotions or think your thoughts; they do
not face the issues that you wrestled with.
Knowledge of oneself promotes self-acceptance and care,
enabling individuals to respond appropriately to various situations
such as avoiding drug and substance abuse. The teacher need to
appreciate that self- awareness is the basis of all life skills as the
acquisition and development of other skills depends on how well
an individual knows herself or himself. Learners should be

encouraged to honesty evaluate themselves against given

situation honestly in order to enhance self- awareness.

SELF-ESTEEM FOR CHILDREN

Self-esteem enables children to try new things without too much
fear of failing, to reach out and make friends, and to manage
problems they are likely to meet along the way. Self-esteem builds
a solid foundation for coping with life.
Healthy self-esteem is feeling good about yourself, and feeling
that you are a worthwhile person. While we all have self-doubts at
times, it is important for children to feel okay about themselves
most of the time.
WHAT IS SELF-ESTEEM?
Self-esteem is about valuing who you are. It is about self-respect
and liking yourself. It is not conceit or boastfulness, but about
believing in yourself and what you can do in the world.
Self-esteem is how you feel about yourself as a person and
knowing that there are things that you can do well it is about
being and about doing.
Children are not born with self-esteem. It is learned through how
parents and other important people feel about them, and treat
them.
Part of self-esteem is feeling that you have a place in the world
where you belong that you are part of a family where you
matter. It is knowing about your roots and having confidence in
your future. This can be a problem for children who have come
from other countries and lost touch with their 'roots'. It can also
be a problem for children who have been part of a family break-

up, if they are split off from part of their family and the history of
that part of the family.
Self-esteem is about what matters to you. If you want to be good
at sport but everyone tells you that you are good at art, it will not
help your self-esteem very much. If you get encouragement and
help in something you want to do, and you succeed, your selfesteem will grow.

WHY IS SELF-ESTEEM IMPORTANT?

There is in every culture a basic level of self-esteem that is
needed in our family or culture.
Self-esteem helps people to feel that they can develop their own
skills and contribute to their community.
It gives you the confidence to have a go at something new, and
helps you build resilience to overcome setbacks.
Research suggests that when people have low self-esteem they
don't feel confident about doing things for themselves or using
their abilities and talents in the best way they can.
Low self-esteem is also likely to be linked to worse health
outcomes such as stress, coronary heart disease and an increase
in anti-social behaviours.
It is important to help develop children's self-esteem from the
time they are born to give them a good foundation for health later
in adult life. Children of all cultures need to have a place in the
family and need to know they are loved because of the special
people they are.

HOW SELF-ESTEEM IS DEVELOPED

BABIES
Very young babies don't have a sense of themselves as being
separate human beings so they don't really have self-esteem as
such. They gradually learn that they are loved and lovable
because people care for them gently, look after them when they
cry, talk and read to them, and smile at them consistently. When
this happens it says to the baby 'You matter in the world'.
TODDLERS
As babies grow to become toddlers they still don't have a
complete understanding about themselves. For example, if a one
year old is standing on the end of a rope that she is trying to pull,
she may not move her feet off the rope. This is because she
doesn't yet realize that both the feet and the hands belong to her.
One year olds still don't understand that all of their body and
mind belong to them. Every time they learn a new skill they add
to their sense of being able to do things and learning who they
are.
When they say 'No' they are really saying 'I am a separate person
and this is very exciting and important for me. I can practice this
by saying 'No' even if I do want the ice cream that you are giving
me'.
Toddlers need to try things for themselves. They may need lots of
practice in different contexts so they can learn how to succeed.
This builds their self-esteem.
Toddlers learn about themselves by learning what they look like,
what they can do and where they belong. They find it very
difficult to share because they are just learning who they are and
what is theirs.
Toddlers see themselves through their parents' eyes. If their
parents see them as special and lovable and show them and tell
them this often, they will develop self-esteem. If they keep getting

messages that they are not lovable or they are a nuisance, they
will not so easily develop self-esteem.
PRESCHOOLERS
By about three years of age children have learned that their
bodies and minds are their own. They can manage time away
from their parents or main caregivers because they have an inner
sense of feeling safe. Their self-esteem develops in fairly physical
ways, by comparing themselves with others, e.g. who is the
tallest, who is the fastest.
PRIMARY SCHOOL YEARS
Children starting school have to cope in a strange new situation
with lots of other new children and new rules to learn. Self-esteem
in the primary school years is about how well children manage the
learning tasks of the school, how they do at sport, how they look
and how they can make friends with other children. Stresses at
home like parents fighting with each other, problems at school
such as having trouble with schoolwork, being bullied or not
having friends can affect children's self-esteem.
ADOLESCENCE
Young people's self-esteem can be affected by their physical and
hormone changes, and most importantly by how they look or how
they think they look.
Young people who have a goal in life often have high self-esteem,
as do those whose families support them.
Belonging to a group of friends is also very important to a young
person's self-esteem. This is why they seem so attached to the
telephone and want to do whatever their friends are doing.

HOW CAN YOU IMPROVE YOUR SELF

ESTEEM?

1. Say stop to your inner critic.

2. Use healthier motivation habits.
3. Take a 2 minute self-appreciation break.
4. Write down 3 things in the evening that you can
appreciate about yourself.
5. Do the right thing.
When you do what you deep down think is the right thing to do
then you raise and strengthen your self-esteem.
It might be a small thing like getting up from the couch and going
to the gym. It could be to be understanding instead of judgmental
in a situation. Or to stop feeling sorry for yourself and focus on
the opportunities and gratitude for what you actually have.

It is not always easy to do. Or even to know what the right thing
is. But keeping a focus on it and doing it as best you can makes
big difference both in the results you get and for how you think
about yourself.
One tip that makes it easier to stay consistent with doing the right
thing is to try to take a few such actions early in the day. Like for
example giving someone a compliment, eating a healthy
breakfast and working out.
This sets the tone for the rest of your day.
6. Replace the perfectionism.
Few thought habits can be so destructive in daily life as
perfectionism.
It can paralyze you from taking action because you become so
afraid of not living up to some standard. And so you procrastinate

and you do not get the results you want. This will make your selfesteem sink.
Or you take action but are never or very rarely satisfied with what
you accomplished and your own performance. And so your
opinion and feelings about yourself become more and more
negative and your motivation to take action plummets.
How can you overcome perfectionism?
A few things that really help are:
Go for good enough. When you aim for perfection then that
usually winds up in a project or a task never being finished. So
simply go for good enough instead. Dont use it as an excuse to
slack off. But simply realize that there is something called good
enough and when you are there then you are finished.
Remember that buying into myths of perfection will hurt you and
the people in your life. This simple reminder that life is not like in
a movie, a song or a book can be good reality check whenever
you are daydreaming of perfection. Because reality can clash with
your expectations when they are out of this world and harm or
even possibly lead to the end of relationships, jobs, projects and
so on.
7. Handle mistakes and failures in a more positive way.
If you go outside of your comfort zone, if you try to accomplish
anything that is truly meaningful then you will stumble and fall
along the way.
And that is OK. It is normal. It is what people that did something
that truly mattered have done throughout all ages. Even if we
dont always hear about it as much as we hear about their
successes.
So remember that. And when you stumble try this:

Be your own best friend. Instead of beating yourself up, ask

yourself: How would my friend/parent support me and help me in
this situation? Then do things and talk to yourself like he or she
would. It keeps you from falling into a pit of despair and helps you
to be more constructive after the first initial pain of a mistake or
failure starts to dissipate.
Find the upside. Another way to be more constructive in this kind
of situation is to focus on optimism and opportunities. So ask
yourself: what is one thing I can learn from this? And what is one
opportunity I can find in this situation? This will help you to
change your viewpoint and hopefully not hit the same bump a
little further down the road.
8. Be kinder towards other people.
When you are kinder towards others you tend to treat and think of
yourself in a kinder way too. And the way you treat other people
is how they tend to treat you in the long run. So focus on being
kind in your daily life.
You can for example:
Just be there and listen as you let someone vent.
Hold up the door for the next person.
Let someone into your lane while driving.
Encourage a friend or a family member when they are uncertain
or unmotivated.
Take a few minutes help someone out in a practical way.
9. Try something new.
When you try something new, when you challenge yourself in a
small or bigger way and go outside of your comfort zone then
your opinion of yourself goes up.

You may not have done whatever you did in a spectacular or great
way but you at least tried instead of sitting on your hands and
doing nothing.
And that is something to appreciate about yourself and it can help
you come alive as you get out of a rut.
So go outside of your comfort zone regularly. Dont expect
anything, just tell yourself that you will try something out.
And then later on you can do the same thing a few more times
and improve your own performance.
And as always, if it feels too scary or uncomfortable then dont
beat yourself up. Take a smaller step forward instead by gently
nudging yourself into motion.
10. Stop falling into the comparison trap.
When you compare your life, yourself and what you have to other
peoples lives and what they have then you have destructive
habit on your hands. Because you can never win. There is always
someone who has more or is better than you at something in the
world. There are always people ahead of you.
So replace that habit with something better.
Look at how far you have come so far instead. Compare yourself
to yourself. Focus on you. On your results. And on how you can
and how you have improved your results. This will both motivate
you and raise your self-esteem.
11. Spend more time with supportive people (and less
time with destructive people).
Even if you focus on being kinder towards other people (and
yourself) and on replacing a perfectionism habit it will be hard to
keep your self-esteem up if the most important influences in your
life drag it down on a daily or weekly basis.

So make changes in the input you get. Choose to spend less time
with people who are nervous perfectionists, unkind or
unsupportive of your dreams or goals. And spend more time with
positive, uplifting people who have more human and kinder
standards and ways of thinking about things.
And think about what you read, listen to and watch too. Spend
less time on an internet forum, with reading a magazine or
watching a TV-show if you feel it makes you unsure of yourself
and if it makes you feel more negatively towards yourself.
Then spend the time you used to spend on this information source
on for example reading books, blogs, websites and listening to
podcasts that help you and that make you feel good about
yourself.
12. Remember the whys of high self-esteem.
What is a simple way to stay consistent with doing something? As
mentioned above: to remember the most important reasons why
you are doing it.
So remind yourself of the whys at the start of this article to help
yourself to stay motivated to work on your self-esteem and to
make it an essential priority.

Websites
Parenting SA
www.parenting.sa.gov.au
For other Parent Easy Guides
National Association for Prevention of Child Abuse and Neglect
www.napcan.org.au
Written in partnership
Child and Youth Health - Parenting SA
PDF iconRelated Parent Easy Guide (Parenting SA web site - PDF format)