Magazine

“Everything with Excellence”

Volume 8 • Issue 4

Marriage and
Cohabitation
Three Articles Starting Page 5

Easter
Thoughts Page 6
 Positions in the High Desert
Hispanic Pastors & Church Platers
Send resumés to the High Desert Baptist Association.
Church Planters
Send resumés to the High Desert Baptist Association.
Senior Pastors Needed
First Southern Baptist Church of Victorville. Both English and Spanish
churches need a pastor. Please send resumés to the High Desert Baptist
Association: 3053 Rancho Vista Blvd. Suite H-262, Palmdale CA 93551.
ATTN: FSBCVV

JUST FOR FUN...

Pastor’s Lunch and Executive

Board Meeting - Palmdale
April 8, 2008
TIME: 12:30am
PLACE: Greenhouse Cafe (AV Mall)
ADDRESS: 233 West Ave P (Rancho
Vista Blvd) Palmdale CA 93551. (Front
Entrance)
Join us for a time of fellowship and fun as
we encourage one another and are up-
dated on events in our lives and churches.
Special Guest Speaker - Rod Wiltrout

HDBA Semi-Annual Meeting

April 19, 2008
PLACE: First Southern Baptist Church of
Victorville.
Please mark your calendars now.
16611 Tracy St - Victorville, CA 92395 -
(760) 245-9586
Time: 8:30am-9:00am Breakfast/Fellowship
9:00am - 10:30am Semi Annual Meeting
NOTE: Remember, we are making the
semi-annual meeting short and sweet so
please come and fellowship with us and
become informed about your association.
SEND US AN EMAIL TO LET US
KNOW YOU ARE COMING so we
can plan the continental breakfast.

Pastor’s Lunch - Ridgecrest

May 5, 2008
TIME: 11:30am

Happy Birthday!
PLACE: Sizzler
ADDRESS: 1501 N. Norma St. Ridgecrest
CA 93555
Join us for a time of fellowship and fun as
we encourage one another and are up-
dated on events in our lives and churches.
Earl Lanting 4/18

Pastor’s Breakfast - Hesperia

May 6, 2008
Ruben Flores 4/20
TIME: 8:30am
PLACE: Bob’s Henry Herns 4/23
ADDRESS: 17243 Main, Hesperia CA
92345
Join us for a time of fellowship and fun as
we encourage one another and are up-
dated on events in our lives and churches.
R E G I S T E R N O W F O R V B S T R A I N I N G
Immanuel Ridgecrest will have VBS training on Friday April 11th, 2008 BUT YOU MUST REGISTER TO
COME. For those registered, a dinner will be available at 5:30pm Register at http://www.hdba.net/vbs/

http://www.hdba.net/vbs/

REGISTER NOW
www.hdba.net/vbs

IS MORMONISM CHRISTIAN - A Three Part Series

PART 3 of 3
In the past two articles we
have taken a look at the basic history
and beliefs of the Mormon church as
well as the nightmarish problems it
faces when the claims of its prophet
Joseph Smith are checked against
the facts. In this article I would like
to answer the question “Is Mormon-
ism a cult,” then look at the issues
that were recently created in the race
for the republican nomination.
There are many words for
which there is no consensus defini-
tion. “Cult” is one such term. For
this article, I will define cult as a
group that refers to itself as Chris-
tian but which differs in one or more
of the fundamental beliefs of Chris-
tian orthodoxy.
When we hear of someone
belonging to a cult, we tend to have
a very negative stereotyped images
of deceived followers who belonged
to organizations such as the Unifica-
tion Church (“Moonies” for the ir-
reverent) led by Sun Myung Moon,
the People’s Temple led by Jim
Jones, and the Branch Davidians led
by David Koresh.
 Because of this stereo- I am personally asking all of our
type, it is helpful to distin-
pastors to send their people to
guish between a sociologi-
cal cult and a theological Equipped for Excellence. EforE is
cult. A theological cult is truely a transformational learn-
one that meets the above ing experience, one that you can-
definition of a cult, where-
as a sociological cult is a
not pass up! We will be attend-
religious or semi-religious ing this event as an Association.
group that is socially or It is a great time to enhance your
culturally deviant. For ex- skills, meet new people and fellowship with your
ample, a sociological cult
may have a leader who is association -- See You There! Rick
very controlling and who
makes inappropriate de-
mands of his followers, such as telling certain
women followers who are married to have
sex with him or forcing adherents to live in
a community closed to the public where they
cannot leave at will.
Mormonism is not a sociological cult.
Although the polygamous Mormon sect
which recently made the news under the
leadership of Warren Jeffs may certainly be
regarded as a sociological cult, the Mormon
church disavows this group as Mormon, since
it officially ceased allowing polygamy by its
practitioners in 1890.
However, Mormonism is a theologi-
cal cult, since the Mormon church holds doc-
trines that differ fundamentally from Chris-
tian orthodoxy. Space prohibits numerous
examples. But we may note that the Mormon
church maintains that Mormon males (sorry
ladies!) may become a god some day and of
the same type as the God of the Bible. It is
actually a form of polytheism, although the
Mormon church maintains that the God of
the Bible is the only God with which we have
dealings. Of course, this is fundamentally dif-
ferent than what is taught in the Bible, that
there is only one God -- period, and we will
never become like Him. He shares His glory
with no one and we will never be all power-
ful, all knowing, and everywhere as God is.
(For additional examples of how Mormonism
is fundamentally different from Christian or-
thodoxy, see parts one and two in this series.)
Don’t Miss This Opportunity
This brings us to the question that
Mitt Romney’s recent bid for the republican
nomination has brought to the fore. Should
evangelical voters wishing to cast their vote
Pastors, please bring your
for a social conservative, vote for an individ-
ual with such differing views as their own. I associates and key leaders.
see two ways of looking at this:
On one hand, some may argue, there Thank You!
is more to be concerned
about in a presidential
‘Living Together’ Before Marriage a Statistical Risk
by Michael Foust
candidate than his or
her religious beliefs. WASHINGTON (BP)--Does living together before marriage in-
A candidate’s posi- crease the chances for a successful marriage? The answer may surprise
tions on the war on some.
terrorism, poverty, the Between 50 and 60 percent of all marriages begin with the two
economy, strictly mor- partners cohabitating, and many of those couples no doubt believe they
al issues such as “gay are making a wise move up front. But living together before marriage
marriage” and abortion actually increases the chances of divorce in a first marriage -- 67 per-
rights, and maintain- cent of cohabitating couples who marry eventually divorce, compared
ing free speech all may to 45 percent of all first marriages.
play into a voter’s de- That and other myth-busting facts form the core of a new book
cision, as can a candi- by Mike and Harriet McManus, “Living Together: Myths, Risks & An-
date’s character, trust- swers” (Howard Books), with a foreword by Chuck Colson. Co-founders
worthiness, experience of the organization Marriage Savers, the couple have invested much
and track record. As of their lives trying to help strengthen marriages and push down the
this argument goes, if divorce rate.
Romney excels in these The biblical warnings against cohabitation, the book
areas over another can- says, are affirmed by statistics showing it’s a bad idea.
didate, why not vote “Men and woman cohabitate for different reasons,” Mike Mc-
for him? Americans are Manus said in a conference call discussing the book. “Women see it
electing a president, as a step toward marriage. They think they can audition for this job.
not the pastor of our Men do it because they like to have the ready availability of sex and
church. having someone share their living expenses. Women should heed their
On the other mother’s advice -- if you give away the milk, he won’t buy the cow.”
hand, others may ar- The number of cohabitating couples has soared in recent decades,
gue, a Mormon presi- from about 439,000 in 1960 to more than 5 million today. About 10
dent would provide percent of couples who married between 1965 and 1974 lived together
Mormonism with visi- before marriage. Today, that number is more than 50 percent.
bility beyond anything Couples who live together not only are significantly more likely to
it has had up to now divorce after marriage, but about 45 percent of them will break up before
and consequently give marriage, studies show. Cohabitation, McManus said, has a high failure
a boost to Mormon rate because it’s based on selfishness.
missionary efforts. The “’If you make me feel loved, then I might marry you. If you make me
same may be said of happy, then I might marry you,’” McManus said. “Love and marriage is an invest-
a president who is a ment, and cohabitation is a gamble. Cohabitation is conditional; marriage is based
Muslim, Hindu or Bud- on permanence. These are radically different psychological premises. True love is
dhist. As this argument selfless -- seeking to serve the other person. Cohabitation is based on selfishness --
goes, a nominal Catho- ‘How will this relationship satisfy me?’” He added that no studies have ever shown
lic president or one cohabitation to benefit relationships.
who is non-committed Harriet McManus discounted the notion that couples can go through a “trial
in his or her religious marriage.” “[I]t’s really more like a trial divorce,” she said at a press conference at
persuasion would not the Family Research Council. “The only question is whether you break up before
have the same effect on the wedding or after the wedding in a legal divorce. As one of our marriage educa-
those who share his or tor friends says, you can’t practice permanence. Of 100 cohabiting couples, 85 break
her worldview. up before or after the wedding, leaving only 15 couples in a lasting marriage after
Whether Mor- 10 years, and who knows how many more divorces after 10 years.”
monism is a deal-break- Women who cohabitate are more likely to be abused and to be depressed
er for evangelical vot- than women in a marriage, studies cited by the McManuses say. Additionally, men
ers is something each and women in a live-together arrangement are more likely to cheat on one another.
one will have to decide But perhaps most concerning, couples who cohabitate are nearly just as likely as
for themselves if given married couples to have children -- meaning that the failed relationship has an im-
the opportunity again, pact beyond the man and woman.
in the future.• “The children feel abandoned when one parent moves out,” Harriet Mc-
Manus said. “That causes a great deal of trauma for the children, (continued pg.10)
 the thoughts of a theologian

Easter Thoughts ing people is most of what Hollywood is all about.

Unfortunately, such Hollywood presentations fail to
By R.P. Nettelhorst understand the political setting or the popular ex-
Each year at Easter, it has become common pectations of first century Palestine.
for television shows and newsmagazines to produce In the time of Jesus, the Jewish people believed
reports about the founder of the Christian religion. themselves oppressed by a wicked foreign tyranny:
One of the latest in this tradition was last year’s pro- the Roman Empire. Their greatest desire, the focus
gram on the Discovery Channel, produced by the di- of all their hopes, was that God would intervene and
rector who brought us the movie Titanic. In James rescue them again, just as he had, in times past, res-
Cameron’s view, the tomb of Jesus and his family cued them from Egyptian bondage. Many Jews had
has been discovered. And so he brought out for our joined the ranks of the Zealots: ancient terrorists who
viewing pleasure the bone boxes of Jesus, his father took every opportunity to kill Romans and those Jews
and his mother—not to mention those of his wife and they had decided were collaborators. Meanwhile,
son. around the countryside, pretenders arose claiming
For those of us who are Christians, we think to be the chosen ones of God, who would lead an
his effort is akin to the con artist trying to convince armed rebellion to throw off the shackles of the Ro-
the rube visiting New York for the first time that mans. Called “messiahs” they took on the mantle of
not only is he talking to the owner of the Brooklyn ancient Judges like Gideon or Samson, whom God
Bridge, but said owner is in desperate straights and had raised up in antiquity to rescue his people from
wants to unload the property forthwith for only the their enemies. Time and again, the Romans had
current contents of his wallet. Or perhaps we’re see been forced to send soldiers
Cameron as more like the carnival barker who is try- against such “messiahs”
ing to convince us to peer behind the curtain—for a slaughtering their fol-
minimal charge—to see the bearded lady. After two lowers and then arrest-
thousand years, Christians do not believe it is likely ing and executing their
that the dead body of Jesus is going to be produced. leaders. Jesus and his dis-
After all, if that were going to happen, it would have ciples were simply this
been done a long time ago by people far more mo- sort of problem as far
tivated than a Hollywood director looking to make as the Romans were
money. concerned. And by ex-
For the Roman government in Palestine in ecuting Jesus, they had
the first century AD, and for the leaders of the reli- solved the problem the
gious establishment in ancient Israel, the fact that a same way they had solved all
dangerous lunatic was not still dead—or that at least the others before him.
his followers were pretending that he wasn’t—was Christians therefore be-
a monumental disaster. If the rebel leader had man- lieve an improbable
aged to escape his death sentence—or if his most thing: that Jesus
ardent compatriots were able to convince the rabble actually was
that it was so—then the government’s goal of quash- God’s Christ
ing a rebellion had failed miserably. Jesus’ rotting (the Greek
carcass was worth a fortune to the ancient tyranny. form of the
Unfortunately, they could not produce it and had to Hebrew word
instead pay off some soldiers to claim that his body Messiah) and that
had been stolen, reducing the controversy to a “he his purpose was not
said”, “she said” argument. Certainly far less than to free his people from
ideal for the Romans trying to crush a rebellion. political bondage, but
For Hollywood producers two thousand rather to free them spiritu-
years after the event, it is easy to speculate that the ally: to save them from their in-
whole Easter shenanigan was a hoax. After all, fool- iquity. But that is not the most
improbable thing that Christians believe.
They further believe that Jesus did not stay
The Latest Book by Robin Nettelhorst
dead, but that God raised him back to life Many of
only three days after his execution. you have attended his
And Christians have always been seminars in our asso-
well aware of just how unlikely that is. Paul ciation or have read
himself, the great apostle, reminded a church his monthly articles.
in the Greek city of Corinth that Christianity Now you have the
is built on this singular improbability. He opportunity to pur-
wrote, “if Christ has not been raised, our chase his latest book:
preaching is useless and so is your faith. The Bible’s Most Fas-
More than that, we are then found to be false cinating People. The
witnesses about God, for we have testified book is on shelves
about God that he raised Christ from the now in bookstores
dead. But he did not raise him if in fact the across America.
dead are not raised. For if the dead are not The book
raised, then Christ has not been raised ei- is published by
ther. And if Christ has not been raised, your Reader’s Digest, and
faith is futile; you are still in your sins. Then I have been privi-
those also who have fallen asleep in Christ leged to have one of
are lost. If only for this life we have hope the first copies. This
in Christ, we are to be pitied more than all book is one of the
men.” (1 Corinthians 15:14-19) most beautiful books you have ever seen. The illustrations are
So, each year at Easter, Christians re- gorgeous. It will make a wonderful addition to your library.
member that Jesus did not stay dead. And As you know, Robin is one of our own. He at-
somehow, for nearly two thousand years, tends Quartz Hill Community Church and is the Academic Vice
Christianity has managed to endure, de- President of Quartz Hill School of Theology.
spite how improbable its foundation. On
that first Easter, and on subsequent ones, The book is available at your local bookstore or online.
the highly motivated Roman government
and religious establishment could not over- To purchase online,
come the inconvenient reality that the tomb simply go to www.amazon.com
of Jesus was, in fact, empty.• and type NETTELHORST

<<< photo of the month

This picture should remind each
of us to always...

DO THE RIGHT
THING, NOT
THE EASY
THING!
Imagine this crew’s supervisor
driving home on this route and
finding the work of the crew.
Imagine the next morning in his
office!

CHRISTIAN, How does the

Father view your daily work?
 created us the way we are.
Ministry to • Remember that there is
People in no timetable for handling

Grief grief.

by Richard E. Dodge • Be prepared to recom-

What do the follow- mend a counseling profes-
ing people have in common: sional when the struggle
elderly woman who has lost with grief seems out of
her dog; father who drops control. Consider your pas-
his child off at college for the tor and church staff mem-
first time; child whose para- bers as well as professional
keet has escaped the cage counselors.
and flown out the window;
man whose parent has died; • Always allow people to
and couple who divorce? express the emotions they
Grief! are feeling.
Grief is a major part Allow silence. This often in-
of what these people ex- dicates someone is trying to
perience. Major losses and find words that adequately
changes in life can cause us express their feelings.
to grieve the loss. Grief is an
emotional experience that
can last as long as two years Don’ts
or more. Grief not only is • Don’t say things like: I
one of the most common ex- would not be so upset if I
periences of life, but also one were you. You shouldn’t
of the most misunderstood. feel that way. It’s just God’s
Someone with whom you will.
have contact this week may
be experiencing grief in some measure, grief that has • Don’t downplay a person’s grief.
not been resolved and processed out.
Here are some other Dos and Don’ts for people • Don’t tell people how they ought to handle grief.
who want to help someone experiencing grief.
• Don’t tell people they should have worked through
the grief process by now.
Dos
• Study a good book that explains the various stages of • Don’t discuss your past or present grief experiences.
grief. Your pastor or a local counselor can recommend
good reading resources. • Don’t assume the grief process is over just because
time has passed or the grieving person now smiles oc-
• Let grieving people talk with you. Your time is what casionally.
they need most.
• Don’t try to act as if nothing is wrong.
• Develop the skill of being a good listener.
Be careful when helping people through grief. Never
• Listen carefully for indications that depression and assume that you have the skills to help people resolve
other emotional illnesses may be developing. Your pas- grief. The most important help you offer can be a listen-
tor or a counseling professional can provide some indi- ing ear and a loving hug. Effective ministry to people in
cators to watch for. grief may be done best by listening more . . . and talking
less.•
• Help people give themselves permission to grieve.
VBS TRAINING
• Help people understand that grieving is not a weak- Register by
ness or an absence of faith, but a normal part of life. God
Clicking Here or www.hdba.net/vbs/
 Musical Ministry Opportunity
This from our Green Valley Bible Chapel
I was wondering if any of our local churches might have
someone they might loan to us sort of as a musical mission-
ary? We would shower this person with a lot of love and
some gas money. This person would need to play guitar or
keyboard as well as lead us in singing to our Lord.
Please Contact Jerry McCullah • jmccullah@csbc.com

Pastor’s Kids Retreat

Church Planting Matching Fund To Date
Donor Type SS Plant LT Plant
Last year’s PK Retreat got such positive feedback from the
August Gifts students and parents that we have to bring it back for this
High Desert Association
Immanuel Ridgecrest
NP
CH
$1000.00
$1178.42
$0000.00
$0000.00
year. If you have any questions, please contact me immedi-
Great Commission Trust TR $0000.00 $1178.42 ately.
September Gifts
1. What is the purpose of the retreat?
Immanuel Ridgecrest CH $1065.18 $0000.00
Ron Merritt PR $0100.00 $0000.00
Rick & Alma Curtis PR $0200.00 $0000.00 • to allow teens to build a statewide PK peer group
LaoLu & Yesemi Laditan PR $0200.00 $0000.00 • to provide PKs is with a good worship experience
Tony & Nancy Unger PR $0100.00 $0000.00
Great Commission Trust TR $0000.00 $1665.18 • to help PKs deal with the privileges and problems of
October Gifts being PK.
Immanuel Ridgecrest CH $1048.21 $0000.00
Ken & Karen Morris PR $0200.00 $0000.00
Frank & Lay Hsu PR $0120.00 $0000.00 2. How much does it cost? The full cost of the event is
Rick & Alma Curtis PR $0100.00 $0000.00 $190. We know that most families can’t and won’t pay that
much, so we are subsidizing the cost with CMO and CP
Ron & Darlene Curtis PR $0500.00 $0000.00
Great Commission Trust TR $0000.00 $1968.21
November Gifts dollars. Here’s how it works, churches get a discount based
Immanuel Ridgecrest CH $1201.72 $0000.00 on what percentage of their undesignated funds they give to
First Baptist Hesperia CH $1357.83 $0000.00
Baptist Foundation NP $1000.00 $0000.00 CP. Roughly, they will get 6% off the cost for every 1% their
Martha’s Cove Ministries NP $0100.00 $0000.00 church gives to CP. If the church gives 10% or more, the stu-
Great Commission Trust
December Gifts
TR $0000.00 $2000.00
dents will get 65% off and pay only about $60 for the event.
Immanuel Ridgecrest CH $0997.88 $0000.00
First Baptist Hesperia CH $1357.83 $0000.00 3. Who is leading the retreat? The retreat coordinator is
Mike Lovato, youth pastor at Magnolia Ave. Baptist in River-
Baptist Foundation NP $1000.00 $0000.00
Ken & Karen Morris PR $0250.00 $0250.00
Great Commission Trust TR $0000.00 $2000.00 side. Mike is a PK himself and attended the first PK retreats.
January Gifts In fact, all the staff are adult PKs.
Immanuel Ridgecrest CH $1647.63 $0000.00
Baptist Foundation NP $1000.00 $0000.00
Great Commission Trust TR $0000.00 $1647..63 4. Why go over a Sunday? Many of the PKs come from
February Gifts
Immanuel Ridgecrest CH $0996.44 $0000.00
small churches and wind up working pretty hard on Sunday
Great Commission Trust TR $0000.00 $0996.44 (nursery, set up, PowerPoint, etc.) and they just need a break.
March Gifts We know this causes transportation problems for some lead-
ers, but we think it is worth it.
Immanuel Ridgecrest CH $1045.45 $0000.00
Great Commission Trust TR $0000.00 $1045.45
------------ ------------
Total Strong Start Church Monies $17,766.59 ------- 5. What about transportation? Transportation is the respon-
Total Long-Term Church Starting Monies - - - - - - - $12.751.33
sibility of each family, but my office will work with families
Overall Total Church Planting $30,517.92 to arrange carpools whenever possible. For couples who can
---------------------------------------- afford the weekend off, we are planning a couple’s vacation
NP: Other Not For Profit Organization CH: Association Church
TR: Matching Dollar Trust PR: Private Donations in Santa Barbara so that parents can drop off the students and
SS: Strong Start Church Plant LT: Long Term Church Planting drive down the road for a weekend vacation.
----------------------------------------
Each Month, the Association solicits church planting money from a variety
of sources and matches those donations with a fund provided by The Great 6. Date and Location: Jenness Park • April 25-27, 2008
Commission Trust. This fund will match up to $2000 per month for church
planting. If you wish to give, there is only one rule we require you to obey:
Thank you for helping us pull this together. Call or email me
Private donations from members of an HDBA church must not take away with any questions. May God bless your ministry and the min-
dollars from that local church. If you desire to participate in the church istry of your association. Serving the Servants,
starting fund, it must be over-and-above your tithe to your local church. Daryl J Watts • Student & Family Specialist • P: 559.229.9533
Thank you for supporting this important rule. The support of your church
is the first priority for your gifts. x 261
(Living Together) triplingthe odds that the child will be
expelled from school [compared to] those raised in an
intact family.”
Couples who believe they can save
money by cohabitating must weigh not
only the biblical commandment against
it but the likely negative consequences of
their decision, the McManuses say. Such
couples should instead look for same-sex
roommates as a money-saver, they added.
Often, couples cohabitate because they
rarely have seen a successful marriage up
close, Mike McManus said.
“The major underlying reason for
soaring cohabitation is that these are couples
in which one or both partners grew up in a
divorced home or in a home where there was not
a marriage,” he said. “These young couples fear
marriage because they fear divorce.”
Churches should mentor engaged couples as a
way to strengthen relationships, stop cohabitation and
The Truth About Cohabitation
by Ed Litton
SARALAND, Ala. (BP)--The number of unmar-
ried couples living together in America increased tenfold
from 1960 to 2000. The U.S. Census estimates that about 10
million people are living with someone of the opposite sex.
That totals about 8 percent of U.S. coupled households. Most
unmarried partners who live together are between 25 and 34
years of age.
Before You Live Together: Candid, Caring Insight to
Help You Make the Right Decision
It once was stigmatized as “living in sin” or “shack-
ing up,” but now cohabitation has replaced dating. It has be-
come mainstream as a way to discover if a person is a suit-
able partner for life. While marriage as an ideal is not dead,
it does seem to be staggering and falling into the ropes.
According to USA Today, more than two-thirds of
married couples in the United States now say they lived to-
gether before marriage. The number of unmarried, opposite-
sex households is rising dramatically.
A crisis of confidence exists among younger
Americans, not just in the institution of marriage, but in the
process of finding a suitable life mate. The most divorced
generation in history is struggling to trust the traditional
courting process, choosing instead to dive right into the
most intimate aspects of a relationship. Thus, some argue
that since divorce is a reality, it makes sense to measure
compatibility, and what better way to discover compatibility
than to do a trial run at marriage. There is great confidence
today in this new found process, but the question is, does it
work?
In a groundbreaking study that examined the effects
of cohabitation on the long-term quality of marriage, the
Alabama Policy Institute (API) conducted a study of more
than 1,300 married couples. The results are eye-opening. The
study shows that the longer a couple cohabits before mar-
prevent divorces, the McManuses believe. Statistics
back them up. Of 288 couples who were men-
tored at their church between 1992 and 2000,
only seven divorced or separated. Fifty-five
of the couples (19 percent) broke up before
marrying.
“That’s a huge percentage -- that’s 19
percent,” Mike McManus said of the break-
ups. “You need to have the (mentoring)
process be rigorous enough that the weak
relationships either break up on their
own or get better and get stronger.”
Cohabitation, Mike McManus be-
lieves, is a subject too often avoided by pas-
tors.
“I think if sermons were preached on
this subject and if churches offered an alterna-
tive -- a better way to test the relationship -- the
country would be better off.”•
With reporting by Katherine Kipp, an intern with the Washington bureau of
Baptist Press.
riage, the less satisfied they are with their marriage. John
Hill, API’s director of research, said, “Specifically, couples
who cohabit before marriage tend to be more depressed,
more dependent and are more likely to believe their rela-
tionship will end as compared with married couples who
did not cohabit.” The API study indicates that in times of
stress and conflict couples who cohabitate are more likely
to handle their conflicts with heated arguing, hitting and
throwing. According to USA TODAY, couples live together
about two years and then either marry or break up.
Marriage is more than who you sleep next to and
with whom you may share expenses. It is the deepest shar-
ing of the most intimate part of your life. This is not easy to
graph on a chart, but every human soul longs for it. God cre-
ated us for intimacy and He built an environment in which
we can experience it. Cohabitation has all the powerful
elements that make up intimacy but lacks one major ingredi-
ent -- commitment. Commitment is the fence that protects,
the lock that guarantees, and the alarm system that ensures
that vulnerability is not easily compromised. Marriage is a
covenant of mutual protection, devotion, sacrifice and love.
It is binding for this very reason. It is not only safe for our
most vulnerable moments but also for the most vulnerable
people in the world -- children.
When we remember what marriage was designed
to do and who designed it, the contorted, sophomoric logic
of those who conclude that living together is a good choice
evaporates. It is not inconsequential that the loss of confi-
dence in marriage coincides with a loss in confidence in God
and the Bible. The children and grandchildren of the sexual
revolution need to examine what that revolution has caused:
a skyrocketing divorce rate and a frustrating loss of inti-
macy. The best experiment may be to experiment with the
ancient writings of a timeless God who loved us enough to
construct a safe place called marriage in which to flourish.•
Ed Litton is the senior pastor of First Baptist North Mobile in Saraland, Ala.
Is Marriage Going out of Style? WE NEED TO KNOW
by Michael & Amy Smalley We need to know what is happening in the
HOUSTON, Texas - Married households in America Association. Please send us
represent a minority for the first time, according new Census
your 2008 Calendar.
figures. In many U.S. cities, married households account for
just one in three households. Does the shift mean marriage is You can email it
going out of style? Why are couples today choosing cohabita- to dom@hdba.net,
tion over marriage? or by fax to
Amy and Michael Smalley, nationally acclaimed re- (866) 711-0390
lationship experts, marriage counselors and best-selling au-
thors, say the statistics are due to a growing trend of “start-
er marriages,” in which couples are tying the knot without
any expectations of a life-long commitment. More and more
30-somethings are finding themselves back in the dating
world, enjoying a second Bachelorhood, after short-lived,
failed marriages. We will
The Smalleys believe that in order to save the sanc-
print your
tity of marriage, couples need to evaluate the fundamentals
of lasting love before they walk down the aisle. In their new event in PASSION
book, More Than a Match: How to Turn the Dating Game Into so that other
Lasting Love, they provide singles and newlyweds a crash churches can be a
course on finding and maintaining life-long love. The Small- blessing at your
eys say it takes more than “compatibility” to make a marriage event.
last, contrary to what online dating services lead many to be-
lieve.
“Millions of singles have been conditioned by the
warm, fuzzy ads for eHarmony.com, Match.com and other

Shameless
online services to believe that compatibility is the most im-
portant element to a successful relationship. Not so,” says Mi-
chael. “Compatibility can be the fool’s gold in the world of
boy-meets-girl.”

Plug!
Drawing from their experience as professional cou-
ples counselors, the Smalleys have redefined compatibility
with five core issues partners must discuss before tying the
knot to ensure a life-long relationship.
1. Spiritual Beliefs: Because you’re dealing at a soul
level that stirs up intense emotions, spiritual incompatibility
can threaten your bond. Differences in spiritual views may
not be a big deal in dating, but they will come into play when
We are trying to increase the circu-
you have kids. lation of Passion Magazine. We are
2. Personality Issues: Differences in personality are an
important part of connecting with each other. You want to be
currently over 600 and would love
able to understand each other and your differences, but the to have 1000 by the the end of 2008.
divide should not be huge.
3. Children and Parenting: Beyond the stay-at-home
Passion has been an incredible
mom issue are things such as discipline strategies, how many source of information for the Pas-
children you want to have and how your children will be
raised spiritually.
tor, Leader and Church Member
4. Financial Management: Unmarried couples often alike.
avoid discussing money issues because it’s either embarrass-
ing or boasting, depending on the financial health of their
bank accounts. This is one area that is best handled during a If you have friends that you feel
premarital counseling situation.
5. Sexual Expectations: What do you really want from would benefit from a free monthly
the physical side of your marriage? Do your expectations magazine of this quality, please
match the mutual model of helping each other experience
sexual satisfaction?• sign them up today at:
Amy and Michael Smalley’s love story began at Baylor University. They both earned
degrees in clinical psychology from Wheaton College. For the past 10 years they have
spoken to people around the world on marriage and relationships. They have enjoyed 12
www.hdba.net/newsletters/members.php
years of marriage and make their home near Houston, Texas, with their three children.
 CONGRATULATIONS!
OUR LATEST CHURCH
PLANT IN THE HIGH
DESERT WAS AN
INCREDIBLE SUCCESS.
With about 225 in attendance, Shep-
herd of the Hills Antelope Valley, and
Pastor Dave Macer are off to a com-
manding start.

Pastor Dave,
The Lord has been so good in devel-
oping your core group, leaders and
staff. We have watched you put forth
an amazing effort and we, at the
High Desert Association, are very
proud of you!

SERVICES AT SHEPEHERD-AV
Sunday 9:30 am, 11:00 am
Antelope Valley College
3041 West Ave K Lancaster, CA 93536

Passion Magazine Volume 8 • Issue 4

High Desert Baptist Association

3053 Rancho Vista Blvd • Suite H262 First Class
Palmdale CA 93551 Postage
Required

Addressee
12345 Street St.
Anytown, CA 91234
 SIGN UP A
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