Fernandez Erika

Psychology 1, 9:10
415-286-8144
Erika.fernandez1996@gmail.com

In the film, Her by Spike Jonze, Theodore is challenged to view change in the
dynamics of how relationships can aspire to be. The event that I want to discuss is a
climatic event in which Samantha wants to partake in a service that provides a sexual
surrogate for an OS-human relationship. Theodore agrees to try, but in the end doesnt
want to have sexual relations with the surrogate claiming that it felt strange because he
doesnt know or have feelings for the surrogate women. The women locked her self in the
bathroom and said that she just wanted to be a part of the loving, judgment free
relationship that Samantha described to her. The women leaves; Samantha and Theodore
begin to discuss the issues in their relationship and become diverted into an argument
which Theodore points out that she doesnt have to make the sound of taking in a breath
because she has no need for oxygen seeing as how she isnt human. He then states that
maybe it isnt the right time for them to be together.
Throughout the film, Theodore struggles between two conflicting concepts; the
first is conventional morality and the second is post conventional morality. Theodores
biology and experience, nature-nurture, has given him a schema that relationships are one
way, a human-to-human relationship. This makes it difficult for Theodore to try and have
a post conventional morality perspective in which he eventually comes to find. The fact
that his social clock is ticking deters him from assimilating this new schema that he is

being introduced to when meeting Samantha. Samantha provides positive incentives

through her sensitive, playful personality.
In a way, Samantha was therapeutic to Theodore by actively listening to him and
helping him get over his ex wife and get his life together. She also provided, for the most
part, a form of cognitive therapy throughout the film by trying to incorporate solutions in
which she could satisfy Theodores needs. She attempted to make Theodore see that this
sexual surrogate was a new way for him to be with her. By trying to figure out how to
salvage the little spark that was left in their complicated relationship she used projection
when describing her and Theodores relationship to the sexual surrogate. In reality,
Samantha was in denial as to the physical limitations that their relationship could reach;
Theodore was in denial as to the ways that he could make their relationship work.
In the speech by David Foster Wallace he states, You get to consciously decide
what has meaning and what doesn't. This correlates with Theodore post conventional
morality views. He hadnt realized how the pros out weighted the cons of being with
Samantha. Oblivious to the fact that it doesnt matter who you love, love is limitless. He
talks to his friend and she helps him understand that he should do what makes him happy
rather than worry about how people view what him happy. He began to understand that
The really important kind of freedom involves attention and awareness and discipline,
and being able truly to care about other people and to sacrifice for them over and over in
myriad petty, unsexy ways every day, like how Samantha did with him. He finally
grasps his post conventional morality view when he see that everyone has a right to love
and it shouldnt be defined to a societal example of man to women or human to human.

Everyone has opinions and perspectives when it comes to relationships.

Not everyone might agree with certain relationship lifestyles, but that doesnt
mean that theyre wrong. It just means that those people dont have the mental
capacity to perceive perspectives that differ from theirs. It also means that, as
Wallace would describe, a person's most basic orientation toward the world,
and the meaning of his experience were somehow just hard-wired, like height or
shoe-size; or automatically absorbed from the culture, like language. It is human
nature.