c




 Never let suspects stay together.

 Never screw (over) your partner.

 Always wear gloves at a crime scene.

 Don't believe what you're told. Double check.

 Never be unreachable.

 If you have a secret, the best thing is to keep it to yourself. The second-best is to tell one other
person if you must. There is no third-best.

 Always be specific when you lie.

 Never take anything for granted.

 Never go anywhere without a knife.

 Leave when the job is done

 Never date a co-worker.

Never, ever involve lawyers (first heard of in 6.07 Collatoral Damage)

 Always work as a team.

 It's better to seek forgiveness than ask permission.

 Never, ever interrupt Gibbs in interrogation.

 Never mess with a Marine's coffee.
|
÷
   
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 Your case, your lead.

 Never say you're sorry.

 
 Never apologise, as it's a sign of weakness.
 

: We don't believe in coincidence.
 
: But we do believe in bad luck.
 
 Don't speak geekspeak, speak English.
 
 Headslap only the back of your underlings' heads: anything else would be demeaning
(Gibbs once said a slap on the face was humiliating, whereas a cuff to the back of the head was a
wakeup call).
 
 Always anticipate
 
c Know how to do every job that your underlings can do (this rule falls down if one your
underlings happens to be Tim McGee, but we would all get a good laugh watching Gibbs trying to hack
into the CIA's computers)
 
 If a computer doesn͛t work, hit it.
 
 Always acknowledge good work by underlings.
 
! When using Truth by Intimidation, always remain silent for at least a count of 5 after
doing the act of intimidation, at which point the canary will sing.
 
" When in the interrogation room, stop the recording devices when the information
strays into personal matters irrelevant to the investigation (e.g., don͛t ask/don͛t tell rules for gay
Marines, revelations of unrequited love)
 
 When your cell phone breaks, have DiNozzo "fix" it (unwrap a new one from the
supply drawer)
 
# Always ask for permission to touch the body: it belongs to the M.Examiner (Ducky
has been known to get stroppy if anyone spoils his crime scene, he reportedly threw somebody down a
hill).
 
$ When doing a shootout, don͛t kill the hostage and avoid shooting off their ear.
 
% Don't call Ziva 'Ma'am' and don͛t call Jenny 'Madam Director', if you want to live.
 
& When hacking the CIA, give underlings a get out of jail free pass.
 
' When breaking others' rules, do not get caught.
 
 If you want to gain access to a secure area to investigate, carry a cup of coffee and
some paperwork and act like you belong.
 
 Never, ever (ever) get Ziva angry.



()
1. Never lie to Abby (Toxic 21x6)
2. Remember her birthday!
3. Treat the team as family: desertion not permitted!
4. Scientists do not rely on luck.
5. Gibbs' gut is allowed to be lucky because he is not a scientist.
6. Don't forget to defrag your computer.
7. Trust the evidence.
8. Trust Gibbs.
9. Trust the team!
10. Dress codes are for other people.
11. Be kind to your equipment./ Always keep a spare(Caff-Pow)
12. Be happy!

#c)
1. When in doubt, speak geek.
2. When colleagues insist that the characters in your book are based on them, repeat the word "fiction"
as many times as possible.
3. When the computers don't work and the computer technicians won't work, fix them yourself.
4. Always speak the truth.
5. Always be respectful and polite, no matter what the provocation.
6. Take all possible opportunities to get the revenge of the nerd, whilst maintaining very polite language.
7. Use vocabulary and implacable will to intimidate the person you interrogate.
8. Be willing to stand up to gangleaders, by using your height to stare down upon them.
9. Don't ask, so that they won't have to tell.
10. Avoid heights.
11. Always play the MIT card

 $%**%)
1. Never sit on the sidelines when your people need you.
2. If a sexually attractive female is involved in the case ALWAYS hit on her.
3. Never underestimate your opponent.
4. Always seek out a movie analogy.
5. Take every opportunity to do a Tommy Lee Jones speech from the Fugitive.
6. When doing Tommy Lee Jones impressions, get the accent right.
7. Always defuse a situation with humour rather than resorting to authoritarianism.
8. Always make sure your work is done but make it look like you are just lazing around.
9. If said work is not yet done, come back in the middle of the night to complete it.
10. Do not fall in love when working undercover.
11. Do not go undercover posing as the boyfriend of anyone.
12. Be very careful whom you tongue-kiss: it might be a man in disguise.
13. Never pick on a probie when he is down.
14. Maintain the morale of the rest of the team, even when you have sufficient experience to be really
very worried about Gibbs.
15. Develop a firstname working relationship with the Director but defer to Gibbs.
16. Don't drink the boss' coffee-ever.

* +)
1. If it annoys you, kill it.
2. Attack first, ask questions later.
3. Drive fast; its the best way to avoid roadside bombs