LEADERSHIP

The Problem with Being Too Nice

by Michael Fertik
APRIL 07, 2014

Leaders are placed under a tremendous amount of pressure to be relatable,

human and nice. Many yield to this instinct, because it feels much easier
to be liked. Few people want to be the bad guy. But leaders are also
expected to make the tough decisions that serve the company or the teams
best interests. Being too nice can be lazy, inefficient, irresponsible, and
harmful to individuals and the organization.

Ive seen this happen numerous times. A few years ago, a senior staff
member of mine made the wrong hire. This can happen to anyone, and the
best way to remedy the situation is to address it quickly. Despite my urging
to cut the tie, this staff member kept trying to make it work. While I laud
the instinct to coach, fast forward two months later, and we were
undergoing a rancorous and unnecessary transition process. Theres a
key lesson here for any leader. Nice is only good when its coupled with a
rational perspective and the ability to make difficult choices.

Here are a few other other recognizable scenarios where being nice isnt
doing you or anyone any favors:

Turning to polite deception. Youve been in these brainstorming meetings everyone is trying to hack a particular problem, and someone with power
raises a ridiculous idea. Instead of people addressing it honestly, brows furrow, heads nod like puppets on strings, and noncommittal murmurs go
around. No one feels empowered to gently suggest why that particular idea wont work. At my company, rejecting polite deception is a big part of how
we do business. When something isnt right, we call each other out on it respectfully, then and there, without delay. Why? Its not helpful to foster an
everyone-gets-a-trophy mentality; you have to earn the honors to get the honors.

The long linger. Sometimes a hire just wont cut it in a certain role. It might seem easier to keep an employee in place rather than to resolve the
mismatch but it actually is not. Resist the temptation to prolong confrontation, to see if things will get better. It is more of a disservice to let someone
flounder, especially when its clear that he or she just isnt hitting the mark. Be kind and communicate clearly, but dont be nice. Be surgical about it.
Make the clean cut. Help the person transition somewhere he or she can succeed. Handling employee issues immediately helps your culture and
productivity over time, youll attract employees with similar values and convictions.

Dont be a doormat. When youre too nice to suppliers who cant deliver on time, to colleagues who dont do their work, to customers who refuse to
pay youre actually letting others take advantage of you and your business. When youre overly generous with your allowances for others, you create a
fertile atmosphere for contempt to spread. Imagine the reactions of your most talented, focused, and motivated employees as they watch lackluster
coworkers get pass after pass. Anger and resentment take root, morale plummets, and turnover starts to go up, up, up. Think of how loyal customers
will react if they see how easy it is for others to take advantage of your services. Your reputation will surely suffer. These problems become more
difficult to solve as they pile up. You dont need to be severe to be respected, but you do need to hold your organization to certain standards and you
must be firm about people meeting them. Setting rules will help you when decisive action is needed. No more delays, no demurring, no debating.

Failing the introspection test. Are you too nice to yourself? Introspection is a powerful leadership tool, but we often forget to use it. When you ask
yourself what behaviors hold you and your team back, you can recalibrate your leadership style for the better. When you give employees the space to
give you the hard truths, without fear of repercussion, youll get valuable perspective and make a giant leap forward in maturing as a leader.

Of course, this doesnt mean managers get a free pass to be disrespectful, cruel, or a bully in the workplace. Theres a world of difference between being
an effective leader with high expectations and dealing with problem after problem caused by milquetoast management. Beware of confusing being nice
or being liked with being a good leader.

Michael Fertik is a repeat Internet entrepreneur and CEO with experience in technology and law. He founded Reputation.com in 2006. You can follow him on
Twitter at @michaelfertik.

This article is about LEADERSHIP

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35 COMMENTS

LISA PASBJERG

8 months ago

Good article, Michael! People quickly lose respect for leaders who don't seem to have the courage to do the things that are not easy to do, and, in turn, cease to be inspired by
their leadership no matter how many great ideas they have.
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