P.S.

I
LOVE/
HATE
YOU
THE WORDS
I NEVER SAID
VOLUME 2
JAN/FEB ‘10

A COLLECTION OF
ANONYMOUS RANTS
WRITTEN TO THE
SPECIAL SOMEONES
IN PEOPLE’S LIVES
 A ID

O F S E V ERS

S I N
E N T
W
OR
D

B L E
T H E
A T
T ON
C
05 PART 1:
THE RANTS
Rants collected during the days of JAN 20 to FEB 14.

18 PART 2:
PRODUCTION NOTES
Notes on the PROCESS AND PRODUCTION of vol. 2 of WINS

EDITOR’S
NOTE
AFTER THE SUCCESS of the
Words I Never Said Volume
1, I found more rants kept com-
ing in. One of the big themes I
saw when looking at rants for
the first volume was love. With
Valentine’s Day coming up, I
decided to put together rants
to loved ones as a service to
those taken and single alike.
All rants are anonymous and
edited for punctuation only.
Enjoy and keep ranting!
-ALYSSA BAILEY
Editor and Project Founder
 14

2 TS 0 - F E B

T E D
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 V2
ID
VE
RS
A
TS
N
N E
I
O R
R
D
AS

TH
EW
H E “You’re the best thing that’s
never happened to me.
T I don’t know you yet; I can wait to meet you. All I
know is that regardless of our pasts, there’s going to
be something that just works between us when we
meet. I hope you’re a good person; I hope you’re
handsome and treat people humanly. I hope you
don’t take what you have for granted; I hope you
won’t take me for granted. But your characteristics
don’t matter so much now; right now, you don’t
have a face. And I’m glad. I’m in no rush to meet
you, but I know when I do you’ll be worth it. So
future someone, take care and believe in yourself.
I’m happy on my own right now, but know this: I’ll
always believe in you no matter what.”
“Time
To her:
forgot, but
For the reco
I didn’t. I haven’t, rd:
You broke m
and I never will forget You left me to ro
t. But for so
y heart.
no matter how hard I try your friend. I do me reason, I’m
n’t know why. M still trying to be
the nicest, kinde aybe it’s becaus
and even if I want to...” st, most down-to- e you were
You were my wor earth person I’v
ld. Then with thos e ever met.
I have lasered int e few words in th
“Where did he come from, o my brain, you at e-mail
you. I’ve loved yo shattered my wor
this new guy of yours? We u for a long time. ld. I love
matter how muc I will always love
had a thing, and it was great. I liked h you hate me you, no
you; you liked me ... it was so fun. But done is for my for it. You said
own good. So... what you’ve
then... you start dating this kid out of come good? I’m when does ever
the blue — like that just blindsided tired of all of this. ything be-
of this is worth I miss you so muc
the hell out of me. I was under the losing you. If yo h. None
again, I’ll be wai u ever decide to
impression you wanted fun then all of ting because that talk to me
a sudden you’re in a relationship with wait out for yo ’s what I do. I w
u. If this messa ill always
know this: I mea ge ever reache
“It’s weird:
someone else? I don’t get it. I told you
nt ever y word I s your ears,
I’d be here for you and that I wasn’t have ever said
all my heart. I ho to you with
going anywhere and although you pe you will one
didn’t want to date, I always believed all this time I thought day get this mes
sage.
I’d be able to be there for you through
anything and do everything in my
you didn’t care. But you’ve
power to make you and your life hap- shown me that you really do,
py. And I still do. You’re an amazing
person who brings out such amazing and I am eternally grateful for
qualities in everyone else and should
be recognized and appreciated for it
that. Thanks for being here when I
every single damn day.” needed you the most.”
“This year will be the first V-Day I’ll
spend alone in a long time.  Depressing? Yes,
especially since I’m still madly in love with my ex. Oh boy. Being
“just friends” isn’t boding too well for us. You take away that couple-
talk we do every night, and it becomes the sporadic “hey-how’s-the- “Are you
weather” kind of talk. We used to confide in each other — talk about
every detail of our life — but ever since that day when we parted,
not even a weekly update is given. I thought this could work, being
out there?
just friends. Four years of an intimate relationship should’ve given us I know you are. I just want to let
something. Maybe everyone was right about me dating the wrong you know I’m waiting. And when
guy. Maybe I just wanted someone to reassure me that I’m loved
in the world.  Now that I think about it, maybe that’s all he really
you’re with me, I will tell you every
was. I can’t remember the last time my parents said, “I love you,” or day just how beautiful you are ev-
hugged me. I don’t think they’ve ever kissed me after the age of five ery day. I will spoil you and treat
nor had a “family moment” with me. Having him by my side made
me happy; I was able to hear the words “I love you” or “You’re you like the guy of your dreams. I
beautiful” time and time again, but now it’s criminal to even send the won’t lie, cheat or steal. I will give
heart emoticon. 
my undying love to you ... I just
So why the break up if we are both madly in love with each other? I hope I find you soon.”
regret it every second, wishing that I had more confidence that a
long-distance relationship could work, but now more than ever, I
believe long-distance relationships are doomed to fail.  Humans by
nature need that physical intimacy. We can’t deal with a purely emo-
tional relationship; we’ll go insane. Even if it’s just seeing each other,
knowing that they’re real, and they’re in front of you, that’s much bet-
ter than a string of text glaring at you from the computer screen. But I
know I’m just trying to blame anything and everything except me. It’s
because of me that we broke up. I became too dependent on him. I
relied on him to reassure me every day that I was loved. I ruined my

05
own life because of him. And I realized that, which is why I was the
one to break up with him. He was probably secretly relieved, finally
being freed of an over-emotional girl clinging on to him. I’m still wait-
ing for the part where I become a better person because of this.

When V-Day comes, it’ll be officially two months since our

break up. I hope that by the time V-Day comes, I can
walk by all the red, pink and white decorations with- “I know
out grimacing and maybe even have an eye that it makes
out for Cupid’s magic. Until then, I still firmly no sense. I know that
believe there’s nothing wrong with not I’m leaving in seven months,
loving my ex a millimeter less since and you’re going to be here for
our break up.” another two years. I know we don’t see
each other that often, and I definitely know
that it’s hard enough now. But despite all this?
I’m falling in love with you, and I’ve never
been happier.”

“Thank you for staying with me even when I told you I was
broken. Maybe you’ll be the one to help glue me back together. Thank you for
not giving up on me.”
 V2
ID
VE
RS
A
TS “You

N
made me

N E stronger and for that

I
A
I will always thank you. You

D S are meant to be in my life and

R together, we keep changing each

O
R
other. I am the person I am today

E
because of you. Thank you for

EW
believing in me.”

TH
T H “Our relationship was ridiculous. I hardly
ever saw you, and your parents had (and, frankly, probably still
have) you on the shortest leash I have ever seen. And you were
such a fucking girl! Never before have I seen a boy who cried
so often or who was so insanely emotional that he associated
sappy songs with everything that happened to him. I have no
idea how I dated you for over a year because, as I look back on
our relationship, I must’ve been so tolerant of your whiny, bitchy,
feminine attitude. Your parents own you and that I wasn’t a prior-
ity in your life just became too much for me. I need someone who
can actually grow a pair and stand up to his parents for once in
his life, and apparently that was asking too much for you.

I’m not sorry for what I did to you.

I am sorry, however, for how I did it. It was awful — I led you on,
and I know that I should’ve figured out my feelings before talking
to you. So I’m sorry for messing with your heart, but I’m not sorry
for breaking it. And if that’s too harsh for you, maybe you can get
some balls and deal with it.
“All I have to ask is
what changed. When did
being “together forever” suddenly turn
to what you didn’t want? I supported you
through a year of heartbreak, pain, laughter, “You believed in me when no one else
love and school work. You told me I was the could, gave me strength when you yourself were
only girl you would ever need. I was your every- weak, prayed for me when I wanted to give
thing: I could tell that summer when you always fa-
in. You made me strong, kept me safe and
cebooked me to say you missed the sound of my voice
and couldn’t wait ‘til I was back in your arms. My first day showed me a love that I will never for-
back in Ottawa, I was so mad at you I hung up the phone on sake. Thank you for restoring peace in
you not once, not twice but three different times because I kept both of our hearts.”
stupidly thinking you were ready to apologize. You never told me
about what happened when I wasn’t around. Do you realize how
“All that I am or ever
devastating it is for a girl to find out she’s been replaced? You didn’t
realize that day we fought how crushed I was — I cried for almost three hope to be, I owe to my
hours. You were my whole life and my everything that year; now we angel Mother.”
never talk. I miss what we used to have.” -Abraham Lincoln
“You never seem to get over my (or anyone’s!) faults. No one is perfect, not even you. Deal with it.”
“You know what’s the worst feeling ever? That sinking feeling
you get at the bottom of your chest when you find out something you didn’t want to know. It doesn’t even hurt. It’s more
of an ... empty feeling like how you’re free falling into nothing because what you thought was there wasn’t. It’s the feel-
ing when you know the answer yet you make yourself vulnerable in exchange to find out. Why was I so nosy? Why did
I have to know? And now I can’t stop thinking about it. Curiosity kills ... broke the neck of my hope.

I thought disappointment only came with expectation. However, I didn’t expect this whole thing to hit me the way it
did nor did I ever begin to imagine that I could get myself stuck in this whole mess — wait no, not mess. You don’t even
know how your actions — every little thing — keep me thinking for weeks. You have no idea how one thing you say can
keep me pondering, keeps me awake at night and most of all, you’re in total oblivion of how many tears were shed
over you.

This is crazy. I don’t want it anymore. Yeah, I’ve said this many times, but this time it hit me so hard that I just need to move
on. It wouldn’t bother me if I found something else to grip onto, and this wouldn’t be a problem if I just had someone
to pull me back down. You were the one who lifted me up like a ladder to the sky that I was tempted into following.
As I’m following up, I get more and more mesmerized by how high I can climb but in exchange for that, I gave up my
common sense and put myself into oblivion of just what exactly I was getting into. Now that you’re gone, the ladder to
the sky, I have no other choice but to fall — not climb down, free fall.

Yeah, it feels insecure when I’m falling. I’m falling right now.
Yeah, it’s gonna hurt even more when I land, I’m very aware of that.
Perhaps that’s why I didn’t let go sooner. I wasn’t willing to give up my altitude nor was I willing to jump when I had
the chance.

But all that doesn’t matter anymore because if I keep following you misleading me, I’m just setting myself up for a
higher, harder fall that I’m going to have to deal with — with a way bigger impact some point in the future.

Instead of focusing on the insecurity of falling, I’m gonna take this opportunity to enjoy the scenery
around me and discover what I missed out while pursuing you.

It sucks feeling weightless, but all I need is time, and I’ll be back on my feet, just like
before.

And it’s like all of a sudden, it doesn’t feel that great to be that high up, and
everything will be alright without you...”
07

“I share my
world with the most
beautiful and perfect brother.
He in turn introduced me to a group
of children whom I will love until my dying
breath: children with autism. To the child with au-
tism: you are not ‘missing’ anything, and you are not
‘broken.’ You are flawless. You are precious. You are
your own person in a world of sheep. You are loved,
and I will forever and always be in your corner, sup-
porting you, cheering you on and fighting for you. To
my brother: Sabrina loves Chance and No Gi Da.”
 V2
ID
V E
TS RS
A “The annoying little
name that I claim to

N
N E hate: I really love it. They say

I there is a fine line between

S
A
love and hate, and I wish you
D knew that my hate really meant

OR
R
love. You’re such an awesome

E
person; I just don’t know how

E W to tell you.” :)

TH
T H
“This isn’t
just for you
because I’m sure
it’s happened to a
lot of people before:
Don’t you hate it when you
develop a tiny crush on someone?
Don’t you hate it when everyone
teases you? Don’t you hate it when
people say he might like you? Don’t you
hate it when he doesn’t? Don’t you hate it
when he gets a girl — another girl? Don’t you
hate it when there was so much you could’ve
done to make it happen?”
“What happened to you? You were the most com-
passionate person I’d ever met. You cared so much about everyone
and everything, and it all seemed so genuine. It seemed like a
miracle at the time, that someone who had been so much pain —
had struggled through so much — could be so happy, so careless.
But you never were. It wasn’t until the end of our friendship that I saw
how damaged you were. And I don’t blame you for being dam-
aged. So many people have gone through less and come out worse
for wear. I do blame you, however, for trying to hide it from me — for
hiding it for your family and your other friends. You can still be who
you are and talk about what you’re going through, but you chose
not to and that takes away from who you are because it’s made you
ugly on the inside. It’s made you bitter and biting and unfair. And I
wish we were still close because I want to be there for you. I want
to be able to help you, and I want to be your friend again. But the
things you’ve said, the lies that you’ve told, the gossip that you’ve
spread have lessened that desire. What you said isn’t true, and you
know it. It sucks that you think I’d do that to you. Maybe there was
a miscommunication, but I’d like to think that if you thought that was
what was happening you’d have said something. But you didn’t.
And now I’ve gone from love to hate in less than four seconds. All
because you felt the need to feel wanted? I’m sorry but not for
anything I’ve done.”
“You are the desert rain I never thought would come.
Before we even knew each other — much less talked in person or over the
phone — I heard stories about you. I was hesitant to show interest because
of what others said. I’m glad I didn’t. No person truly has your best inter-
est except for you, and I learned that once I took the first step at getting
to know you. You saw a level of comfort in me that allowed you to
be honest and come to face what was fact and fiction. To you, I
was the girl who made you change it all. The girl who made
you want to be a loyal, trustworthy and an overall nice guy.
It took people forever to get used to us and today, they
still can’t believe you ‘settled down.’ But I can. Once a
cheater, not always a cheater. Just like in He’s Just
Not That Into You: ‘the unexpected declaration of
love, the exception to the rule.’ In your own per-
sonal way, I’m positive you’re my exception. I
love you. Thanks for being the rain.”

“I don’t know much about you,
and you took me by surprise. I wasn’t expecting
someone like you to come into my life ... at all.
But somehow you’ve snuck into my thoughts. I try
to imagine what it’d be like if there was something
more than work uniting us. What if you snuck a
glance? What if you were as genuinely surprised
at my attractiveness — my kindness — as I was at
yours? You’re a little older, but that two year age
gap makes all the difference.
There’s a bit of something that keeps saying every-
thing was such a neat coincidence with us; what
were the chances? It was all just fate. But I know
destiny doesn’t work like that; I’m not a girl who be-
lieves in fairy tales or fluff. Nothing will ever happen
between us. But there are moments when I need
to remind my imagination to take a step back and
stop asking ‘what if?’ Our paths are just overlap-
ping for the time being: nothing more, nothing less.”
“Both of you are unbelievable.
I don’t think I can handle this friendship.
Yeah, I’ll miss you guys, but I think I miss
my happiness more.”
Thank you for guiding me through life. I often chose
the wrong path, but you helped guide me back to the right
one. I love you so much, and nothing will ever change that.”
“What you said
to me hurt me more
than you’ll ever know.”
“The first time you broke my
heart, I was completely devastated. We had
been together for 20 months. My world had ended.
About a month and a half later, you came back
around and into my life. My brain told me no, but I
gave you a second chance. We spent the next nine
months together. Then you cheated on me again. I
emotionally closed off immediately and never had that
breakdown again. I convinced myself I was fine and
never shed any tears. I had convinced myself that you
didn’t deserve any of my tears. A month later, I feel
the pain. You’re gone now for good, and part of me
wishes you would come back around in about half
a month and tell me it was all a horrible dream.
Part of me absolutely hates you, but the oth-
er part of me is irrevocably in love with
you. I wish I didn’t think about you
constantly. I wish you weren’t
always on my mind, and I
wish I could find some-
body who would
treat me bet-
ter.”
09
“I just want
to say thank
you for everything,
for forgiving me for all the crap
I’ve done — for always being there
for me even though I ignored you half the
time. Thank you for loving me unconditionally
through everything, even the times I betrayed you.
 V2
ID
VE
RS
A
TS
N
N E “I don’t know
I
O
R A R D S whether to love
you or hate you.
TH
EW
H E Whenever you’re around, you’re all I can
think about, but it seems like you don’t

T even notice me. Please, just give me a

sign; I’d rather know that you hate me than
not know how you feel about me at all.”

“For the past couple of years, whether we were in a

relationship or not, I either spent Valentine’s Day with you or was supposed to (remember that
year Valentine’s Day was supposed to be our first date, and you bailed?) This year is so, so
different. I don’t remember the last time we talked. And while I’m perhaps headed toward be-
ing healthier and happier than I’ve ever been, today it feels like something’s missing.
Sending love your way. I hope you think of me too if only briefly.”

“You “You’ve put my life into perspectives

claim to be
like a second
mother to me.
You say you would do any-
thing you can to help me out.
You’re nice ... to my face. When
you don’t realize I’m around, I
hear you talking about me. On a dai-
ly basis, I see you write horrible things
about me. This has been going on for two
years, and I never said a word to you about
it. I probably never will. You made me feel like
I can’t tell you anything without you telling every-
one you know. I wondered why your family looked
down on me ... until I realized what you were telling
them. Things I said in anger and not even to or at you are
being held against me because you take one little state-
ment and blow it up into a huge ordeal. Every time I catch
you talking about me, I want to strangle you but instead
I keep quiet and walk away. Sometimes I cry and some-
times I don’t, but I’ll never let you see that. I won’t give
you the satisfaction of knowing you hurt me. I’ll focus on
making sure my daughter never ends up treating people
the way you treat me.”
that I never imagined I’d have to see through. And while I thank
you for the much needed insight, I also hate you for it. I thought I’d
figured everything out. I thought I had reached a stable state of
happiness. And you, in one sentence, shattered my entire facade.
No, not on purpose. I doubt you realize the impact you had on
me. I’m grateful that you said it if anything though. My happiness
was painfully hollow — an attempt to keep myself from realizing
that if I had to put up with another moment of what I called
‘happiness,’ I was going to scream. I’m second guessing
myself on everything — everything! There are so many
things I want to say to you that I can’t, be it because it’s
too soon, or there’s simply something — or someone
— getting in the way. One day I’ll find the confi-
dence to tell you what you’ve done to me: to
tell you what I was missing and what I want
done. And on that day, I will walk away
either very happy or very sad. I can’t
say which, but either way, I will walk
away knowing that is how I really
feel.”
To the guy who gave me hope, then took it

you even though that would mess everything up.”

valentine. I’m worried I might have feelings for
“All I really wanted was to be your
away from me … then gave it back again:    
I started talking to you on Skype about three months ago. We never really talked to each other before — we had a mutual friend
though. I talked to you once in person, but it wasn’t much of a conversation. On Facebook, I’d IM you asking you a general ques-
tion about a field trip. We started getting to an actual conversation. As usual, Facebook chat started spazzing and not working.
We moved over to talking on Skype. Our conversation lasted for a while. It was one of the best conversations I’ve ever had. I felt
like something clicked — that is, until about half way into the conversation. We were discussing our love lives and when I asked
you if you were into any girls, you said, ‘Kind of. Not really, I’m working on a girl right now.’ I thought the girl you were working
on was me. Too bad you said it was another girl. I really thought something was there in the few hours we talked. I guess I was
a bit late in talking to you.

A few days later, it was New Year’s Eve. You spent it with that girl you told me about. You told me since you were sick, you didn’t
do too much, but you still kissed. My heart sank a bit that night when you told me. I realized that I started liking you when I felt
upset that you kissed that girl.

A week later, you mentioned how you were planning on asking her out. I thought to myself with midterms going on and not that
many days off, you guys would break up in about a month. I knew that was a mean thing to think of, but I really liked you then.
I didn’t like her at all. The thing is, you never knew I didn’t like her. I always played it cool and went ‘aw’ at all your stories and
asked from time to time, ‘How are you two doing?’ Honestly, I didn’t give a damn.

We went on that field trip at the end of the month. I got sort of irritated by one of your friends. I realized he changed a lot since
I first met him. He wasn’t the same person anymore after he met another one of your friends. And I know that may be confusing,
but I’d rather not mention names in this. Anyways, I was afraid that you would go downhill with him too, but you didn’t. I knew
you wouldn’t stoop that low. That’s one of the main reasons why I liked you and still do: because you were sweet, kind, funny,
etc. ... wow, that’s so cliché.

It’s been a little bit more than a month. You and your girlfriend broke up a few weeks ago apparently. I never knew until a few
days ago. To tell you the truth, I was pretty happy when I found out ... as rude as that is. I thought this could be a second chance.
But I also knew that you and I would never happen and that it’s all in my head. A few days ago, I was talking to you about you,
but you didn’t know we were talking about you. You told me how me and this other guy I used to like were in the friend zone. I
realized that you and me were in the friend zone too. But I don’t want to be in there.

Just a few hours ago, you told me you wanted to read this rant. You said you wouldn’t judge me. But the thing is, if you read this
rant, you probably would judge me in one way or another … we wouldn’t be in the friend zone anymore either. We probably
won’t be the friends we are now anymore, and I wouldn’t want that to happen. I enjoy the convo’s we have just about every
day. I feel like I can tell you everything … well, just about everything. I’ve never had consistently good conversations with
the same person for more than a few days. If all that ended, I would be crushed. Ha ha, that’s pretty cliché too.
Anyways, I really hope though that if I do tell you/you find out, everything stays the same.

“I hate the games we play. If you
are feeling something, you should go right ahead and say it.
The truth is better than hiding behind some mask, always
wondering what is really going on. What are you so
scared of, anyways? That maybe someone will
like you back, that maybe someone won’t
judge you, that maybe someone can
look past all the shields and defenses
to the real you? I’m ready to be
your friend if that’s what you
need right now, and I
think you’re ready for
my friendship.”
11
“I’m
scared to
tell you the truth
because I’d hate to ruin the friendship
we’ve built. It’s easy to write my feelings because
it’s anonymous, and you’ll never get scared enough to
run away. Every person I know questions our relationship,
saying I’m too dense to realize how much you care about me. We
spend so much time together that people constantly insinuate that there’s
something going on. Even if it’s true, until you say the words, I’ll forever doubt
whether you see me the way I see you. I’ve completely fallen for you. For once in my
life, I’m not afraid to be me. With you, I’m completely at ease — I trust you completely,
and words just come easy. You never fail to make me smile, reminding me why it feels so
right with you. If only I could find the guts to tell you the simple truth: I like you.”
 V2
ID
VE
RS
A
TS
N
N E
I
A DS
“Come Valentine’s Day,

OR
I want nothing more than to ask

EW ER you out: to kiss you, to love you.

But somehow I get the feeling that

TH
H
you don’t want any of it. Appar-

T
ently you love him even though he
doesn’t love you anymore. There
are others out there; why can’t
you see this?

“We’ve been best friends for so, so long,

“I’m terrified
to tell you I
love you. We’ve both
been through a lot in the past,
and the word ‘love’ is not some-
thing either of us throw around.
But after this one month together,
I’m confident that I’m going to be with
you forever. Maybe I’m crazy for thinking
this. I’ve done this kind of thing in the past,
and I’ve been completely wrong and had my
heart broken. Last time I said ‘I love you’ to a boy, I
thought it was real and true. But looking back, I know
it wasn’t real or true at all because with you, everything
is natural and right. Nothing is forced; it all just happens.
I can’t explain what we have, and I don’t want to. All that
matters to me is right now, in the present, I know I love you with
everything I have. You’re what I wanted yesterday; you’re what
I want today; you’re what I want tomorrow. I can see in the way
you look at me — you feel the same. You want to say it too, but
I guess it’ll happen when it’s right for us. I love you, boyfriend ...
forever and ever.”
and in the past several months, a lot has happened in your life and with our friend-
ship. I’ve cried many times from the hurt you’ve caused me, but I’ve also cried from
the extreme pain that you’ve had to go through that I have not and can’t even imag-
ine. It’s hard to be treated like you treat me sometimes because I love you so much,
and lately, it truly seems like you don’t love me anymore and that sometimes all you
care about is yourself or your boyfriend. But then my heart changes to sadness be-
cause of the agony I know you’ve suffered, continues to hurt you and has changed
you in upsetting ways. Sometimes I don’t know what to do because I’ve supported
you as much as I can and done the right thing by comforting you and reaching out
to you, but you don’t treat me like you appreciate it. You don’t treat me like a best
friend anymore or like how our other best friend and me treat you yet you still pre-
tend like you are and that nothing is different. It really hurts when someone you love
starts to treat you like crap, but it kills to know that they’re really hurting inside. I know
that things will continue to change — especially senior year and when we go off to
college. But even though it can be so hard sometimes to not be so angry at you
for how you treat me and our other best friend, I still love you so much, and I
will always have your back. You only live once, and the only thing that can
get you through hard times in your life are the people around you, and
I want to do everything I can to be one of those people who helped
you through it. I know it will never go away and will always cause
you pain, but even bad things in life can make you stronger, and
you can still find happiness even when you think everything is
wrong. I wish you wouldn’t treat us like this, but I truly love
you like a sister. I know deep down you’re an amazing
person, and my heart goes out to you for going through
everyone’s worst fear. Even though you may not stay
in touch with me (I always thought you would, but
I’m obviously now seeing a change), I will al-
ways wish the absolute best for you.”
 “I just wanna let you know
before I say a lot that I truly care about you, and I do consider you one of my great-
est friends I’ve ever had, and it gives me a warm feeling in the pit of my stomach “Broken hearts don’t easily mend,
every time you confide in me — I know how hard that is for you. But despite everything but I’ll still be here if you need a friend.
I respect about you, there are a lot of things I can’t respect.
That’s all I’ll be, never more,
I don’t understand how you can love yourself so little and expect to be truly loved (by
a guy) in the future. You say you ‘can’t’ be alone — that you can’t be happy without
but it’s what you wanted to implore.
someone there to tell you you’re beautiful and that everything is gonna be okay. You You should be happy and not so tragic,
should know you’re beautiful. You should know everything is going to be okay even
when you have to go a while without having a special someone there. It insults me this didn’t happen, after all, like magic.
that you could take so many things you have for granted like how many friends you
have who love, support and will always be there for you.
It’s always been your true desire,
because there was something I didn’t acquire.
You act like you have nothing to live for other than that douche bag you call a boy-
friend, and yes, that insults me. I’ve gone a long time being single, and it’s taken a lot I guess I’ll never know what you sought,
of time and strength to learn that I can wait, and I can be happy along the way. You but if you asked me now, I’d rather not.
act like just ‘cause bad things have happened to you — which I admit they have — that
you have some excuse to always be miserable no matter what luck comes your way This was your fault; I’ll never let you forget,
or no matter how many opportunities present themselves to you. That characteristic
is the one thing I can’t handle about you: you let your sadness envelop your life and
what you’ve done to me; you’ll live this regret.”
poison the lives of the people around you.

I’m not telling you you have to be happy all of the time; you don’t. But for the sake Truly,
of your friends who try so hard to make you smile, please put on a happy face. I do
it constantly for you; I hide my problems because I’m too busy worrying about yours
Your Ex-Boyfriend
and thinking you won’t care if I told you anyway. You only care about yourself and
the constant problems you have with the worthless people you decide to date. If you
want someone to love you so badly, you need to sit and think these things through “Valentine’s Day is a constant reminder
so in the end, you’ll know you have someone who truly cares about you. I suggest e
getting that decision straight before you lose the people who HAVE been there for that I always end up being single. Just once,
e’ lik
you all these years...
I’d like to have that one person who al- v .”
‘lo ! Jeez
The sad thing is, even though we’ve been through so much together, I still think you’d ways cares, that one person I can
o rd real
choose your five month fuck buddy over us. It’s not something I like to admit, but it is
what I believe to be true even though you know he’s not the one. I love being here depend on, that one person to e w get
for you and helping you through your problems, but I don’t know how I can continue spend this material holiday th and
d ng
un eani
doing that with absolutely nothing in return. Friendships are two-sided; I need some-
one to care about my problems, to give me advice, to give me a shoulder to cry with. I just want that can- o
on for once. I’ve gone so long with no one but Leah to truly do that with, and that’s
dy heart that says ‘I ar the m
pathetic on your part.
w
love you.’” ro now
h K
l t ll!
Even though I’ve gone all this time without having someone to kiss me good night or
tell me things are gonna be okay, I’ve lived, I’ve been happy and I’ve appreciated
al at a
my friends for everything they are. I can’t really say as much for you. I can still love
o in u g
“Y s noth
myself even though you’ve never cared to listen to anything about my life. The thing
is, how can you expect to find true love if you can’t even love yourself?

You need to think about that.”

it’
13
You all have been
trying for years...

Will
You “Wow,
so last Valentine’s Day
we were together and now we aren’t.
Never What’s even worse is that we are fighting.
Yeah, so I decided to let you know that you have
Break been changing and going down the wrong path due to your
stupid immature friends, and your response was that I didn’t fucking
Me know you. Well, you’re right, but from what I’ve seen, you are so immoral
it’s disgusting. I hope that one day you can see how bad you’ve become —
... Ever. maybe before you screw yourself over. Happy Not-So Valentine’s Day, my
stupid ex-boyfriend.”

“‘I love you’ is eight letters. So is ‘bullshit.’”

 V2
ID
VE
RS
A
TS “So this snow
‘epidemic’ needs
to just go away. Can we

N
get a break? Where I live, there was a

N E week of semi-warm weather. It was show-

ing signs of clearing out and then this week:

I
A
48 inches of snow this weekend? I mean, is

D S the world coming to an end? I’m stuck inside

bored, watching movies, and I need to go to a

R
R
tropical island soon, or I’m gonna lose it.”

O
TH
EW
H E “You... you’re just confusing.

T
I don’t know what to think or say or do. And I also don’t know
what I already have done to be in this position. I mean, think
about it. A year ago, I didn’t know you existed, much less that
there was something. And somethings are big and exciting and
overwhelming, and I don’t know what I’m going to do about
Josh: Even though it. Because, as you can see, there are plenty of somethings in
my life, and I’m not sure I need another one right now. And yet
I’ll never admit this to you
I know that if I push you away, you’re not gonna come back
or anyone else, I love you. I which scares me. But I’m a big kid, and I know you’re a big kid,
have for a long time and will for and we’d come out of it alright — I think. I know you would; I
even longer. You are the reason probably would. It might take longer. But I’d be alright eventu-
I don’t date or have a boy- ally. I just don’t want you to hold out waiting for me because I
friends; the only one I want is know that you won’t. It’s common sense. No one does, not in
you. If you stop and think about our position. So don’t. And I know it’s not waiting, and I know I
it, you’ll know who this is from. shouldn’t think of it that way, but I can’t help feeling weird about
it because I’ll talk to you, and I’ll talk to them, and I don’t know
Love, Me which is which. I mean, I know who I’m talking to. But I don’t
know what they are to me. Is it my friend and my ‘friend?’ Or are
“Let me they just two friends? I don’t know, and you probably have less
of an idea than I do. So I think we should either figure it out and
tell you take time to figure it out, or give this one up and just let every-
what I love thing float on. It might hurt. But hell, this post is painful. I figure if
I can write deaf letters to three people about things I don’t have
about you: the ‘testicular fortitude’ (my music teacher’s words, not mine) to
I love the way you laugh talk about to their face, then I figure I can figure out where the
even though it’s not funny, fuck I am and what type of demented fuckin’ Garmin I used to
I love the way you call me get here. And I can also find a different way: not necessarily a
babe and love and honey, way out, just a different route. So if you’d like to figure it out, then
please do let me know because I want to; I just don’t want to
I love the way without you.”
you’ll tell me anything,
I love the way you dance and sing,
I love the way you smile that little smile, “I have known I loved you
I love the way you rock that style, since January 1, 2010. I knew because I couldn’t
I love the way you’ll always be mine, think about you without smiling. I knew because I
could never get you off my mind. I knew because I
I love that you’re my valentine.” cared more about every insignificant piece of your
life than I cared about anything in my own. I love

“I wish the world hadn’t decided Valentine’s Day was a

you so much ... I wish you knew. I wanted to
be a better person this year, happier, care
way to make money by selling tacky cards, half dead flowers and cheap more ... and when I met you, bam: I was.
chocolate. There was a time when it actually MEANT something rather than just Happy Valentine’s Day. I hope you’ll
being a time for shops and companies to make money.” be mine.”
 “Valentine’s Day: two words that torment
all the singles out there annually.
I know they torment me.

“I think my lack of Every day, I am surrounded by love and sex and happy couples, and
amazing orgasm abilities I can go on with my life without a second thought. But Valentine’s Day
... it’s like life spitting in my face, reminding me of how alone I am.
hurt your feelings when we
dated. I just wasn’t comfort- People say, ‘Hey, being single is fun. You’re young, enjoy it while you
can,’ blah blah blah. I get it, but I’m not that way. I can’t function with-
able enough around you out love: I need that connection, that reliance on someone else — to
for it to happen. It made me be happy, to live happily.
even more self-conscious
Thanks V-day for reminding me just how unhappy I can be — how
when you told me how she alone I am and will continue to be for as far as I am able to see.
told you about her squirting
The worst part is that I know that it’s just a Hallmark holiday: an ex-
capabilities and how cool cuse to pay too much for flowers and cards and dinners. It’s cheesy.
that was. I miss you. I can’t Despite this knowledge, I know that having you as my valentine would
make my day. All I want to do is fall over myself to impress you, pull
tell you how much I miss you, out all the stops, live the cliché of Valentine’s Day.
but at the same time, I hope
she squirts in your eye.” I know that if I could just have you ... I would never need an-
other thing.

Happy Valentine’s Day to all the happy couples

out there. If you need me, I’ll be here — alone.”

“I hope you’re the one for me. I’ve never

felt this way about anyone in my entire life, and I understand

15
it’s a long shot since you’re the first person I’ve ever loved ...
but you make me happy. You make me unbelievably and in-
candescently happy. I love you with all my heart, and I know
most people would say it’s practically impossible for us to last
since it’s a ‘high school sweetheart’ type deal, but I don’t want
to believe that it’s impossible just because it’s rare. You’re the
most loving, sensitive, sweet, thoughtful, responsible person I’ve
ever met, and I know you would make me incredibly happy if
“I I to at, anc
kn egre

we were to spend the rest of our lives together. The only thing
ow t th ch
re ld and e w
Ir

gr you I’m ith

that scares me is the possibility that one of us could fall out

et I’ve af you

of love with the other: I don’t want to dwell on that since

br ne raid . I lo

it’s only a possibility, but it just scares me some-

ea ver I’ll ve
ki reg nev you

times. I want you to be the one for me because

ng rett er h .”

I know if you really are then I have a shot

up ed a ave

at a happy ending. I love you so much

To the girls on my
wi nythin a se

... so please never stop loving me,

course: thank you for being such
th g . con

and I’ll try to do the same.” :)

yo .. we d

bitches. Your mean and hateful ways of ig-

u. ll,

noring me and belittling me, whilst also making

I

yourselves appear innocent, are fantastic ways to

make someone feel welcome in a new place. You’re
lucky I live with such fantastic people, or I would be kicking
your asses, and you wouldn’t be able to ignore me. X
 V2
ID
VE
RS
A
TS
N
N E
I
O
R A
R D S

TH
EW
H E
T Dear World, I have a confession to make.
You may have your problems; you may have your issues,
but I still love you. I know it seems like I don’t sometimes, but
I do my best to be good to you. From the snow-covered houses
in Maryland to the dirty slums in India, I still love you. I love the
simple pleasures and beauties you harbor, and I love the pain
you make us endure to reach the good times we so treasure. I
love that you make us work harder and keep us striving to reach
equality. You may be forgotten by me from time to time, but you’re
still always there for me. I love everything: the green trees in the
spring to the red and orange trees in the fall to the barren trees
in the winter. I love you for housing life yet I love you for housing
death. You are my home, and I’ll always love you no matter how
much you deteriorate, throw natural disasters at us and change.
“Last
Valentine’s I love you, world.
Day was
probably one
of the best days “You are the best. I’m going to miss you so
much next year, and I plan to video chat and e-mail and
of 2009. This year can’t talk on the phone because you’re such a big part of my
even possibly compare because for life now, and you always will be. Above all, you’re my
starters, I’m single. I wonder if you’ll best friend — so supportive and so loving — and I
think about me on this day of clichés and know you will be there for me always. You’re the
start reminiscing back to that time when one who truly understands me and who pushes
we watched Juno, baked cookies, played me to be my best — my personal best, not
Wii Fit with your parents and ate Chinese what others define as my best. You’re
take-out. You were my first boyfriend, and also the strongest person I know, and I
I still remember every moment. I know I want you to know that I admire you
can’t say it this Valentine’s Day, but ... I so much. I love you. Thank you for
love you.” being the best mom ever.”
 “It makes me sad that yet another
Valentine’s Day has gone by, and I still
haven’t seen your face. I know you’re out there somewhere,
and I’m sure that the day I find you will be the happiest day
of my life. For now, however, I think I can wait. It’s painful to
watch people around me find their special someones before
me, but I like to think maybe all this waiting is for a reason —
maybe I won’t have to mess around with all the break ups
and heartache they’ll have to deal with. But I’ve seen enough
heartache already... to be alone all this time, finding hope-
fuls and letting them go, or being forced to let them go. Not
to mention all the heartbreaks I experience firsthand with
my friends ... of course, I always soak up that sadness like
a sponge, unfortunately. But just knowing one day all those
hopefuls won’t matter at all, and I’ll have someone like you
to think about when songs run through my head and to
nurture me like I’ve nurtured all my friend’s heartaches
away: that’s the thought that keeps me from cry-
ing every time I realize I’m alone, the thought
that gets me through each lonely night.”

“I never understood Valentine’s

Day, and it has always bothered me: I al-
17
ready see enough making out in the hall-
ways the rest of the year, but it increases ten-
fold on Valentine’s Day. It’s great that you
have a boyfriend/girlfriend, but I don’t u te ink
want to see it everywhere I go. It e c I th
t h but l.”
might be a holiday to some
l l s, ea
people, but to others, it r a i c gr
leaves them bitter and f r
o ly thin
k s d me
wishing they had
a n an so
that special
T h es for
someone.” “ ot dy
qu rea
I’m
 V2
ID
V ERS
A
T E
S I NE

NO
EW
O RD
A L So many rants, so
little time. The production of The

IF N
Words I Never Said, Volume 2 was stretched
TH across three months. I tried to do a little bit of the
book — rant proofreading, layout creation and rant
arrangement — as time permited with courses. As always,
the scale of participation for WINS amazed me. The project
has truly grown global with submissions not just coming from the
United States East Coast, but from the West, North and even
across the pond. I’m so thankful for everyone who submitted
and who has supported this project. WINS is your product: your
words make it what it is.

A special thanks goes out to Pratik Das, Ben Chalfin and Miliana
Budimirovic, my editors and biggest supporters. They provided
feedback along the way, spread the word to friends and were a
second eye on each and every page.

Reading these rants has truly been an honor and enchanting.

I only hope readers see what I did: the fact you are never
alone in what you are feeling. Valentine’s Day may be
one day a year, but we are all looking for a love to
grasp, snag and hold on to every day of the year.

Continue to inspire and thank you for all your

support. WINS would be nothing without
you.

Amités,
Alyssa Bailey
WINS Founder
 EY
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