1

Reckoning
An SNSD/Girls Generation FanFic
By: Boxxsaltz

When you promise forever

Rating: PG-13

This work is purely fictional. Any correlations to true events are purely coincidental. Characters are not owned by
author and are not in any way responsible or related to their fictional portrayals.

Table Of Contents
4

| Part I

22

| Part II

43

| Part III

67

| Part IV

95

| Part V

117 | Part VI
138 | Acknowledgement

3
~
The drink you spilt all over me
"Lover's Spit" left on repeat
My mum and dad let me stay home
It drives you crazy getting old
We can talk it so good
We can make it so divine
We can talk it good, how you wish it would be all the time
The drink you spilt all over me
"Lover's Spit" left on repeat
My mum and dad let me stay home
It drives you crazy getting old
(x2)
This dream isn't feeling sweet
We're reeling through the midnight streets
And I've never felt more alone
It feels so scary getting old
We can talk it so good
We can make it so divine
We can talk it good, how you wish it would be all the time
This dream isn't feeling sweet
We're reeling through the midnight streets
And I've never felt more alone
Feels so scary getting old
(x2)
I want them back (I want them back)
The minds we had (the minds we had)
How all the thoughts (how all the thoughts)
Moved round our heads (move round our heads)
I want them back (I want them back)
The minds we had (the minds we had)
It's not enough to feel the lack (I want them back, I want them back)
I wantYou're the only friend I need (you're the only friend I need)
Sharing beds like little kids (sharing beds like little kids)
And laughing 'til our ribs get tough (and laughing 'til our ribs get tough)
But that will never be enough (but that will never be enough)
(z2)
That will never be enough
(x5)
Lorde, Ribs
~

Part I
The clock banged out a steady rhythm click.
click.
click.
Taeyeons eyes shifted from the half filled in test paper on her desk to see the minute hand give
into its antsy neighbor that started up its next go around the white, clock face. Up a few desk a
row over, a head of black hair whipped around to the empty seat in front of Taeyeons before
meeting her eyes. Lips pursed and Yuri turned back to her test.
Fifteen minutes. The instructor sounded from the front.
Taeyeon forced herself to draw focus to her own test. A few others lifted from their chairs to turn
their packets in. Taeyeon was usually among the first, but she was distracted. A sheet and a half
of unanswered questions awaited her but it was nothing compared to the untouched packets
sitting photocopied, double-sided on the teachers desk.
The creak of a desk, Taeyeon looked up, watching as Yuri went to turn her test in. Their eyes
met again and Yuri shook her head with a motion to the clock.
There was only ten minutes left.
Taeyeons jaw tightened, eyes casting to the spread of windows along the opposite wall. Through
the shades she could see out into the schoolyard. It was unmoving, all bodies trapped inside as it
should be in the prime of day.
Sighing, Taeyeon dropped her neck. She could only afford to worry for so long. Shed be in a
hell of a lot of trouble if she didnt finish her test. One tiny drop in her grades, her parents would
be notified. As much as they liked to pretend they didnt care about their estranged kid, Taeyeon
knew shed get a phone call and an angry voicemail as to how she was, continually ruining
your future!
Taeyeon couldn't shake that her mother said those words more so about the way she decided to
live her life as opposed to anything lower than an A- on an exam.
Five min-
The door slid open with a violent whoosh!
Heads picked up and Yuris hair whipped from her face as she turned to look at Taeyeon, same

5
shock mirrored in her expression.
Nice of you to join us, Ms. Jung, but the test is-
Sorry, Im late. All blonde hair and semi-wrinkled uniform, Jessica plucked a test packet from
the instructors desk.
Eyes watched her incredulously as she marched, head held high, through the aisle and dropped
into the desk in front of Taeyeon. With a glance over her shoulder, she gave Taeyeon a wide
smile before whirling back around and pressing pencil to paper.
Sitting back, Taeyeon felt her shoulders relax.
With one minute remaining, she finished up the last of her problems and dropped a cheat-sheet
onto Jessicas desk as she went up to turn hers in.
Jessica gave her a wink on her way back.
Taeyeon rolled her eyes, plopping back down. She swore Jessica would one day be the death of
her.
-/-/-/The halls were loud and rowdy. Spirals and binders lifted out of lockers as students grabbed their
belongings to head home. Books dropped like rocks into Taeyeons backpack, each one heavier
than the other. She dreaded the walk home already knowing how sore her back would be by the
time she reached the porch.
Youre signing yourself up for premature osteoporosis.
Taeyeon slipped in a paperback she was supposed to read for her Literature class before shutting
her locker. Sunnys face stared down at her concerned as she lifted the backpack onto her
shoulders with a wince.
I still have some years. Though Sunny and Yuri liked to tease her otherwise.
Out of them all, she was the one prone to the old lady tendencies. She blamed it on her parents.
All rules and regulations and precise etiquette at the dinner table. Her youth nearly felt robbed
from her, sucked away by the constant smack of a ruler along her wrists that would reprimand
her through the years for being anything less than top notch or perfect, doting, educated to the
highest of merits.
Time had squelched kid Taeyeon who liked tire swings and muddy jeans and press-molded her
into a false adult trapped inside the body of child with the hunger of adventure just simmering
beneath an old soul.

6
I heard Jessica showed up. They started to walk.
The halls had nearly cleared out leaving stragglers and teachers dispersed throughout. Sunny
walked a footstep in front of her. With the mention of Jessica, Taeyeon was reminded that she
hadnt seen her the rest of the day after the test.
I bet you gave her the answers again. Sunny shot her a glance.
Taeyeons failure to reply was enough to make Sunny shake her head in disapproval.
Shes not going to learn anything if you keep doing this.
Its the last year. Who cares?
Some of us, she emphasized to let Taeyeon know she meant the two of them, actually care
about the future. If youre just going to let her freeload-
She doesnt freeload. Taeyeon bit back. She worked as hard as they did.
Yeah, yeah, okay.
Taeyeon felt an irritated lump ease up into her throat. A couple years ago just the mention of
Jessica made Sunny want to douse Taeyeons throat in bleach to erase the girls name from her
mouth forever. Taeyeon found herself between a rock and a really shitty place with that one.
She found herself with pillows full of tears and boxes of her belongings packed up. She found
herself pleading with her best friend from days when they had crayon flakes in their hair and
gluestick residue on their fingers that she wanted Jessica, but she wanted Sunny too. She would
not give up one for the other.
Does she make you happy? Was the only thing Sunny asked her after an hour of silence come
post argument.
Taeyeon answered simply and honestly, yes. Sunny stopped giving Jessica rainy glances and
offered at least partly-sunny smiles to her even on the worst of days.
It was progress. Taeyeon could handle progress. As long as she could keep all the people she
loved in her life intact one way or another.
Im just worried.
I know.
Sunny would worry more if she knew everything about just why and how Jessica worked hard.
One day, Taeyeon would tell her. Somehow she found herself still saying that all this time.

Are you two coming today?

I have to visit my- Her shoes squeaked as she came to a halt.
Pacing back, Taeyeon looked through an open classroom door. At one of the desks sat Jessica,
pen scratching at her hair as she looked out the window. As if she felt Taeyeons presence, she
turned and smiled sheepishly. Taeyeon felt her heart race.
Go on, Sunny urged, Ill let the others know youll be late.
Giving her a smile, Taeyeon hurried into the classroom.
A teacher stopped her inside. Your detention slip?
She paused, peering to Jessica. So thats why she had looked so guilty. Taeyeon narrowed her
eyes. She shouldve known Jessica landed herself here.
I lost it.
Bushy eyebrows lifted over the teachers tortoise-shell glasses in disbelief that a student would
actually succumb herself to detention when there was no proof against them.
He eyed her a moment before motioning for the classroom. Taeyeon planted herself in the desk
next to Jessica.
Hi. Jessica greeted.
Taeyeons chest filled with christmas lights. They had been together nearly four years, and
Jessica still made her feel things with just the sound of her voice.
You... Jessicas brow furrowed, didnt get put here.
You put me here.
Jessica blushed, head dipping. She combed a hand through her blonde hair. A month ago it was a
brighter shade. The teachers told her if she didnt dye her hair normal shed be suspended. Hours
of shopping and marigold tinted hands later, Jessicas hair was a nice, deep honey blonde. The
teachers reasoned it was fair enough.
You dont have to stay with me.
I wont see you tonight. Those round eyes widened and Taeyeon cursed her weak resolve for
getting herself into this situation. Im having dinner at my parents.
Thin eyebrows lifted as Jessicas mouth made a confused oh. When were you planning on

8
telling me?
If you came to school this morning.
You knew I wouldnt.
Because Jessica had come in at well past four in the morning to a groggy Taeyeon who threw a
limp arm around her waist and quickly fell back to sleep. The rock that Jessica was while
sleeping had probably slept through every one of Taeyeons alarms she had set for the girl to at
least make it a half day. She made a fourth of it.
Can you get out of it?
Theyve been trying to get me to come for weeks.
Make it another week.
Sica.
Jessica let out a breath. The instructor watching them peeked around the corner from where he
stood outside the door talking to another teacher. Heads quickly turned to respected sheets of
homework until his attention diverted again. Taeyeon continued.
This is the first time since Since Taeyeon had let them down with the news that Jessica was
not just her friend. She was more. The kissing, dating, heated roll in the sheets sort of more.
They didnt like that. They hated it.
Come home afterwards?
Taeyeon bit her lip as Jessicas finger smoothed a strand of her black hair from her eyes. She
wanted so much to take that hand, kiss Jessicas palm and up her arm to her lips.
They might hate me, but they miss me. Theyd keep her there and away from Jessica forever if
they could. Taeyeon would allow them one full night if anything.
Jessica pouted, retracting her hand. Taeyeon laughed under her breath. Jessica wasnt the type to
pout. Not unless it came to Taeyeon, and she was trying to get her way. The disappearance of
that dramatic, stuck out lip told Taeyeon she would try no more sly tricks to convince Taeyeon to
skip out.
They had many conversations before on how Taeyeon still wanted her family around. Where
Jessicas were nowhere in the picture, Taeyeon hoped to one day reconcile. This may be the first
step.
Dont let them take you away from me.

No one could ever do that.

Jessica side eyed her, feigning disgust. The red spilling into her cheeks told Taeyeon otherwise.
-/-/-/Taeyeon met Jessica their first year of High School, but it wasnt until half of that when she even
started to cared about who Jessica was.
Jessica Jung was not a secret at their school. No one or nothing really was. The high school was
small and word traveled fast from pointless melodrama to the latest new couple/break-up news
included. Jessica had started off as a nobody who hung around that Yuri character with the hair
over her face and a death threat in her eye.
Taeyeon had Yuri in English class during their first year. It was from there she learned that
Yuris threateningly menacing eyes were a complete contrast to the girl who shyly read english
in muffled tones from the back of the class.
Taeyeon used to whisper pronunciations to her when the teacher would call on her. They werent
friends, but Taeyeon felt a sense of pride knowing the rumored badass was just a fluffy
marshmallow underneath it all.
Half a year in, Jessica started missing school. So said the rumor mill. It was by accident that
Taeyeon had stumbled onto Yuri hissing into her phone in the locker room after P.E.. She heard
Jessicas name just before Yuri threw her phone into her locker and slammed it.
When she turned around, Yuri froze when she saw Taeyeon.
What?
Taeyeon shook her head, eyes diverting down to the laces of her gym shoes. Yuri hovered for a
moment before dropping to the bench, hand running frustratedly through her hair.
Taeyeon took a chance. Is something wrong with Jessica?
Yuri narrowed her eyes. You havent seen her around have you?
Isnt she always with you?
Yuri scoffed, but it hardly held the weight. She sighed, muttering under her breath, god dammit,
Sica.
Is she in trouble?
Yuri examined her, almost sizing her up. Mumbled syntax and notes passed with syllable break

10
downs jotted into notes was hardly enough to gain a persons trust. Taeyeon reasoned it was
Yuris stress and the need to tell at least someone else about what was going on that she did.
She ran away from home. Yuri admitted. Taeyeon dropped her shoe at the information and
quickly picked it up off the floor. That was her dad. He thinks I know where she is but I dont.
Whyd she run away?
Yuris mouth opened then closed, head shaking. That was as much helping in English would
give her.
A week later, Taeyeon stumbled upon a Jessica freaked out of her mind while on her way to
meet up with Sunny. She had never seen Jessica look less than pristine - so powerless. Her deep
brown hair was tossed about and her cheeks looked sharp and angular.
Where do you live?
Taeyeon had been too shocked to answer. She motioned with a thumb and Jessica took hold of
her wrist, dragging them off in the direction of her neighborhood.
She used the excuse of lab partners to get Jessica past her parents. She reasoned that it was too
late in the evening to send Jessica home for her to stay the night.
Dont tell anyone I was here. Jessica had demanded, threat in her voice. Any idea she had to
phone Yuri went away along with any chance of sleeping properly.
She spent most of the time watching Jessica toss and turn on the cot spread on the floor until she
drifted off a few hours before she needed to get up. Jessica was gone in the morning, slipped past
her parents who were up just at dawn every morning.
The next evening Jessica knocked on her door, dust out of date science book in hand to reinforce
Taeyeons lie. The pitiful whimpers Jessicas gave in her sleep moved Taeyeon down to the floor
to join her until she convinced Jessica to just sleep with her.
Curled up close together on her small mattress, Jessica finally stopped tossing in her sleep and
Taeyeon found it easier to drift off with Jessica's breathing close by.
Are you going to tell me why you keep coming here?
Im saving up for an apartment.
By yourself?
You wont see me again after that.
Four days past before Jessica stopped knocking on the front door. A week more before she

11
stopped tapping on Taeyeons window to be let in in the middle of the night.
She saw Yuri scold Jessica in the hall a few days later. Jessica only handed her a spare apartment
key before walking out of school as if nothing had happened.
Two more weeks past and Taeyeon started to believe what Jessica said. That she wouldn't see her
again.
Until she got that tap on her window.
Until Jessica crawled into her bed and pulled Taeyeon against her.
I cant sleep. Jessica spoke into the silence as they laid there in the dark.
Do you want to-
Without you, Jessicas breath spilt across Taeyeons cheek as she spoke next to her. I cant
seem to sleep without you.
With the turn of her head, Jessica lifted up and pressed their lips together.
Everything changed after that.
-/-/-/She sent Jessica home before taking the trek for her parents house but not without a much
needed detour for the sake of her nerves.
Being kicked out (or rather chosen to leave given ultimatum) rid her of the perks of living with
her parents. One, the high school was closer to her old home while Jessicas laid way out on the
outskirts in a neighborhood her parents would never dream to step foot in. Another was that
meeting up with the others turned into a bus trip or a bike ride clear across town.
Music hit her upon slipping into the karaoke bar. The door banged shut behind her trapping
Taeyeon into a world of clashing 80s and 90s posters and dangling records that hung from shiny,
metallic ribbon from the ceiling. Smoke and beer hung low in the air with the accompanying
stench of piss. She guessed the mens restroom had flooded again.
Ugh, Taeyeons speculations on the restroom were made true by the spindly body carrying a
plunger and bucket emerging from the back. I swear Im going to chop off his nuts and feed
them to-
Taeyeon cleared her throat.
Short, choppy hair flared out as Sooyoung whipped around, eyes wide. When she realized who it
was, she relaxed. God, Taeng, you scared me.

12

Going to murder Taewoo again?

Third time this week. Sooyoung tugged the facemask off her mouth so it rested on her chin. If
he has the shits that bad, he should do it at home and stop clogging our toilets. Theyre not built
to handle mammoth turds.
Taeyeon laughed through her grimace. Gross. Do you need help?
Sooyoung waved a hand. Theyre already back there. Im the only one working right now so I
dont think Ill be able to join.
Taeyeon nodded as the phone behind the counter started to ring. Sooyoung looked from it to her
hands sheathed in yellow rubber gloves before walking away grumbling to herself.
Taeyeon let the ringing phone be and went on her way. She could hear Sunnys voice, belting
purposely off key before she even opened the door to the room. A cloud of smoke welcomed her
like home and Taeyeon eased passed Sunny who threw her a wave to plop onto a couch beside
Yuri who put out her cigarette.
Dim lights spilt over the room mixing with cigarette smoke that caused everything to appear as if
Taeyeon was looking through a subtle fog. A cheap, party light ball casted desaturated hues
along the haze, dotting along their skin and yellowed walls and furniture.
This karaoke bar this booth was her second home away from home. Sunny and Taeyeon had
discovered it in their junior high years where they meet Sooyoung, the karaokes bars owners
youngest daughter with the long legs that always gave Sunny whiplash. She went to a different
school (her neighborhood was actually pretty far away) but Sunnys ability to make fast friends
with practically anybody had dragged her into the mix.
The three of them spent their afternoons tucked into the reject booth with the shitty sound system
and standard definition TV that no one ever wanted to use. Come high school, Sooyoungs
parents made her start working to help out with the supply trucks. If they were lucky, shed
sneak them a couple bottles of soju and fudge the numbers out of inventory.
With the onset of Jessica and Taeyeon, their numbers bumped up to five making their little
family complete.
Sunnys song ended and another began with a slow intro melody. Taeyeons ears thanked her
tenfold for deciding to sing properly this go around.
Reaching for the table, Taeyeon plucked off a sweaty bottle of half-drank cola and sipped. The
fizz of it in her stomach brought a strange sense of calm though it did nothing to erase the
gnawing at the pit of her gut.
Did you find her? Yuri asked to her right. Another cigarette found place in her fingers. Sunny

13
told me she went AWOL after fourth period.
Detention. Taeyeon waved off the offer for one. She couldnt show at her parents with
nicotine on her breath. She could hardly keep her eyes open so I sent her home afterwards.
Shes been skipping a lot. Yuris eyebrow quirked. Taeyeon had proved herself enough to Yuri
for her to know Jessica was trusted in her hands, but she was still checked in.
Were behind on rent. And Jessica didnt want Taeyeon to get involved.
It was her place, and until they graduated, Jessica would take care of all of those things. Her
parents didnt want her to work while she studied. All they wanted was for her to focus on her
schooling. After she left home, Taeyeon thought they wouldn't care as much. They did.
She soon figured out it was because they hoped Jessica would get tired of Taeyeon using and
taking advantage of her and leave her. Or maybe Taeyeon would be accepted to someplace far,
far away and they could have their daughter back.
God, shes stubborn.
Itll calm back down after this month. Thats what Jessica told her but Taeyeon knew she
wouldnt slow down. She could never make Jessica slow down.
Money makes the world go round. Jessica would tell her.
Without money theyd have no place to live, without money Taeyeon would be subject to return
to her parents. Without money, Jessica would lose everything she had worked so hard to get
over the past few years. And Jessica could not lose.
If there was one thing Taeyeon knew Jessica feared the most, it was going from having
everything to nothing in the matter of seconds. It had happened too many times in her life
already and she be damned if it happened on her own account again.
Theres something else bothering you.
Nothing else gets Taeyeons panties in a twist like her parents. Said Sunny. Song finished, she
placed the mic down and cleared a space on the table to sit down. Are you sure you dont want
me to come with you?
Taeyeon shook her head. It was nice, but she had to face them on her own.
Yuri looked surprised. Youre going back?
For dinner, she answered. Taeyeon chugged down the rest of the soda. If I go maybe theyll
stop calling me.

14
Do you know what this is about?
Probably an intervention, said Sunny, careful, they might have pamphlets and try to send you
off to a straight farm.
Yuris eyes widened in horror. They have those?
Taeyeon laughed but something in her words made her tense. They wouldnt do that, would
they? They just missed her. It was only natural for them to worry and want to see their daughter
again. Regardless of the friction that existed between them.
Just think, Sunny nudged her knee with the toe of her shoe, in a couple of months youll be
done with school and you and blondie will go to a land far, far away.
Yuri dropped her cigarette into Taeyeons empty bottle. When she spoke, smoke seeped past her
lips. Have you two decided where youre going to go?
We could always go to the States.
Sunny whistled. I dont like it. Then I cant come visit you.
Do you think theyd be happy staying here?
Sunny shrugged. Im just saying neither of their families care. Were all they got.
They have each other.
When did you start to sound like a romantic? Yuri flicked a bottle cap at her. Sunny snorted as
it bounced off her shoulder and into her lap where she flicked it off. What about college?
Taeyeons shoulders tightened. She wished there was something else to drink to ease the drying
ache that came to her throat. College was a subject she and Jessica just did not talk about.
College meant money, college meant working harder, college meant a lot of things Taeyeon
wasnt sure she was ready for.
Sooyoung broke up the uneasy air with a hidden bottle of soju in her jacket and a couple shot
glasses. They all took a round together and music started again.
Taeyeon sat back, watching Sunny and Sooyoung battle each other for who could sing the
loudest. Beside her, Yuri sipped straight from the bottle, laughing and yelling at the pair for
being such failures. Subconsciously, Taeyeon looked to her other side. The empty cushions she
saw hit her harder than it shouldve.
Just like nights Taeyeon was left alone while Jessica was out, standing on corners or tiptoeing
along motels for the customer of the night, she felt that sickening sinking feeling in her stomach.
The one that said they could not go up from this, that they were doomed from the start, no

15
support, no goal, and no true future in mind.
All Taeyeon wanted to do in that moment was curl up against that unpredictability of a person
where she knew shed be reassured by the sound of another beating heart beat against her ear.
Jessica said they could make it, so they would.
Against all odds, and families that didnt agree with them, Jessica had done this much so far and
together they could do more.
It was the one thing Taeyeon believed every night that Jessica came back home, returning to her
arms with words of love she knew were only reserved for her.
As long as Jessica kept coming home, Taeyeon could continue to believe that anything was
possible.
-/-/-/The smell of her mother's cooking gave Taeyeon a homesickness that she didnt know she had.
They were all seated at the dinner table. Taeyeon had managed to slip in just as her mother was
setting the last dish. Shoes deposited at the door, she ran off to rinse the taste of alcohol and
telltale signs of Yuris smoke from her mouth before joining them.
Taeyeon counted the number of heads - her brother was missing. Just the parentals and the
daughters. Taeyeon bowed her head with eyes opened as her father gave grace. This was not a
family dinner. This was a dinner for talks - talks about Taeyeon. Her grip tightened on her
chopsticks.
If you put your clothes in the hamper, Ill wash them, her mother started. Listerine could erase
the stench from her mouth but not her clothes. You still have a few shirts left in your room.
Taeyeons cheek twitched. She thought they had roped her room off as an untouchable zone
when she was gone. Something about her mother going through her clothes and belongings made
her a little uncomfortable and a tad bit sad. It reeked of missing and longing.
Youve dyed your hair. Her sister prodded. It makes you look like a ghost.
You do look a bit pale.
Taeyeon ignored the jab. Jessica liked her hair and her wispy fringe. Shed comb her fingers
through it, pushing it up enough to be able to kiss her forehead. Those kisses always made
Taeyeons toes curl.
She opted out of saying anything and continued to eat. In the back of her mind Taeyeon couldn't
help but remember years back when family dinners were actually alive with talks and laughs.

16
She even remembered the times when Jessica had visited - before everything - and theyd laugh
at her bad jokes and offer her a little more rice to help out her skinny frame.
Suddenly dinner tasted fake and stale in her mouth.
Hows school? Asked her dad. Hayeon got up, taking the dishes away from the table to the
kitchen. All spotlights shifted onto Taeyeon.
Its okay.
Are you passing everything?
You would know if I wasnt.
It was one of the reasons why she tried so damn hard. She didnt want to hear from them.
A couple universities sent you some letters in the mail. I left them on the table by the door. Her
mother informed as if Taeyeon would pop in every now and again to claim them and take them
home. She wondered how large the stack would get before theyd throw the mail out then start
up again.
I want you to take a look, her mother continued, some are abroad.
I dont want to go abroad. At least not in the since her mother was suggesting. She didnt want
the Ivy League or the World Renown.
She wanted simple. She wanted bare walls with holes from tacks left in them. She wanted water
stained floorboards and warm water that would turn cold on her if she took too long in the
shower. She wanted simplicity lounged on a lumpy couch in Jessicas arms as they watched
color faded VHS tapes on a rickety old tape player.
That was what Taeyeon had now and it was the prospect of something a little better when they
finally left this place together that made her dream the hardest. Not diplomas and degrees. She
could always return for those. But Jessica was a once in a lifetime field of study she didnt want
to drop out on.
This could be a good opportunity for you. Youve earned it.
Because I had to. Because they pushed her. Pushed and pushed and pushed. She had bruises in
her back from how much they pushed her.
This is your chance.
To what? Taeyeon looked to each of them. In the background she heard the water stop and her
sister pad away leaving them alone. Taeyeon shook her head. She knew this would happen. Why
had she thought this time wouldve been different? You said you wouldnt do this.

17

Were only thinking about you. Her dad tried.

I- weve done fine on our own.
Fine doesnt bring you here smelling like a brewery!
Is that what you think of me? Of us?
Of her. Said her mother. Taeyeon bristled. Shes not good for you. None of this is. If only you
went away, you could see that you dont need her.
Maybe I dont need you either. Taeyeon pushed herself from the table.
She made it to the front door, feet slipping into her shoes when her dad placed a hand on her
shoulder. Taeyeon shrugged away from it, spinning around to sneer up at him through
threatening tears.
Dont do this again. The look in his eyes was soft. It was tired and worn.
It told of the many nights he had been worrying about her. It told Taeyeon that he still cared that they did. What hurt the most was the fact their care stopped with her. No Jessica. It stopped
with Taeyeon and what they wanted from her with hardly any room for the things Taeyeon
wanted.
Go up to your room. She opened her mouth to protest when her dad continued. We can finish
talking after youve cooled down. It doesnt have to end like this again.
But who was it to say it wouldnt?
Taeyeons eyes shifted to where her mother peeked from around the doorframe of the kitchen.
She ducked her head back in, filling the house with the sounds of clinking dishes and running
water once again.
Kicking off her shoes, she shot up the stairs and slammed the door.
-/-/-/Taeyeon laid awake, eyes on the ceiling above her.
Her old room bore down on her like a haunting reminder of everything she had left behind.
Lying there almost made her feel like she had never left. The sheets still smelt the same as before
and her pillow had managed to retain the same amount of lumps.
Neck turning to the right, Taeyeon saw all of her memories left to be forgotten. Memories of a
family who had rejected a part of her that she hadnt wanted to let fester in silence any longer.

18
She would take all the dance lessons when she was younger, she would enter all the school
competitions, she would pass all her test, she would play into everything they wanted for her.
Except this. She would not allow them to dictate who she would date - who she loved.
Rolling over, Taeyeon faced the window on the opposite side of the room. A draft from outside
ruffled the curtains. Taeyeon used to always keep it unlocked and opened for Jessica to sneak in.
It was in this very room Jessica had told her everything.
It was in this room, late, late in the dead of night when Jessica had showed up and curled herself
around Taeyeon and told her the truth.
The job she worked at night was much more dangerous than Taeyeon had been led to believe.
Because what Jessica did at night was place her fate and her life into peoples hands that would
touch every bit of her in trade for a wad of bills stuffed into her bra.
Taeyeon remembered how she hadnt been able to say anything. How she realized then that the
reason Jessica always smelt like a fresh morning breeze, scalp still a little damp, was because she
would shower away the night before coming to visit Taeyeon.
She couldn't look Jessica in the eye for days. She couldn't touch Jessica for weeks.
It had nearly ruined them.
Getting up, Taeyeon changed back into her street clothes. She couldn't stay in this place. Too
many old memories lingered in these halls and it was Jessicas scent that she wanted to breathe
in.
Making her way to the kitchen, Taeyeon shuffled through cabinets for a container. She scooped
leftovers from dinner into the plastic tub, snapping the top on snugly. Jessica may not let her do a
lot and her parents even less, but she would do this much. She would put food on the table for
them if it kept Jessica home more nights of the week than it did out.
A shadow of a figure passed in the dim light glowing from the refrigerator and she spun around.
Across the island she made out the frame of her dad. His eyes looked down to the containers on
the counter before they found Taeyeon again.
I cant stay here.
His face was set, but he didnt say a word. Taeyeon was sure he wanted to say a million things to
her. She was sure he wanted to spill more reasons why she should stay, why she was making a
mistake, why she was too young to realize the error of her ways.
Taeyeon shifted uncomfortably in his silence. It almost bothered her more than his rebuke.
Taeyeon swallowed, voice tight. Goodnight, dad.

19
She started off, picking up the containers from the counter. She heard him take in a breath and
she prepared for him to tell her something along the lines of those werent her dishes and she had
no right to take them from the house. Instead, he whispered out a desperate,
Come home, Tae.
Taeyeon stilled. Just over her shoulder she saw his silhouette. He couldn't even look at her.
I am going home.
The tension that sprang to his shoulders was enough.
No more words, Taeyeon left.
-/-/-/Leftovers placed into the fridge, Taeyeon slid herself into the bedroom and beneath the covers.
Jessica was in such a peaceful sleep she hated to wake her, but she had found herself needy.
A couple of nudges and a few bites to Jessicas tank-top bare shoulder had her rouse the slightest
from her slumber. Taeyeon palmed at her stomach, crushing Jessica back against her to spark
enough heat to jump start her senses. With a smooth kiss to a creamy neck, Jessica was finally
coherent enough to register that the someone messing with her was not a figment of her dreams.
Taeng?
Who else?
Jessica rubbed at her arm, testing if she was real. Taeyeon gave her another one of those nips
against her skin to reassure her. Whatre you doing here?
You told me to come home afterwards.
Jessica shifted, turning around in her arms. Her lashes were still droopy, cheeks a little puffy
from sleep. Eyebrows tugged in as eyes searched Taeyeons face.
Did something happen?
No.
Then why are you
Dipping her head, Taeyeon buried her face against Jessicas chest. She breathed in her scent that
mixed with the soap she had scrubbed with. With each inhale, Taeyeon pushed her parents
words from her mind.

20
This was home. Jessica was home. They were home.
I missed you.
Mmm, baby, Jessica cooed and Taeyeon molded right into her embrace.
I dont like it when youre gone that long.
Im sorry.
Taeyeon shivered. That only made it worse. She shut her eyes. She didnt want to think about
that right now.
I brought food home.
Jessica took a pause. When she spoke, Taeyeon could hear the sigh in her voice. You didnt
have to.
Let me do this much, Taeyeon looked up at her. Okay?
Jessica responded with a kiss to her nose. With the tilt of her chin, Taeyeon captured her lips. It
was the first kiss she had gotten since the previous days morning. In their time together,
Taeyeon learned to bury her desperation. Having Jessica this close however sprang everything
back up.
How...was it last night?
Jessica let go of her to lay back against the bed. Taeyeon rested herself against Jessicas side, leg
draped and tangled with the warm one beneath the blanket. I almost have all of it.
They were lucky the landlord liked them. Well he liked Jessica. A lot of people liked Jessica,
outside of school that was. She had a way about her away from the institutional hallways. Jessica
became her true self outside the eyes of the students that casted judgement on her without
evening knowing who she was.
There was a reason she was good at the job she did. It wasnt just a pretty face and a bat of the
lash. Jessica was the type to sweet talk herself in and out of any situation. She was the type who
was not too proud to beg but always managed to hold onto her dignity. She was the kind of
person who was not afraid to get her hands dirty but would always show her good side in case
someone was watching.
And if Taeyeon had to be crude, Jessica had a way of making her weak in the knees every time
she took her to bed or couch or countertop or floor. Just the thought made Taeyeons spine
tingle.
Let me help you.

21

Horror passed through Jessicas face, mouth parting in shock.

Not that, Taeyeon squeezed her hand, easing her. Jessica said it herself that shed do
everything to keep Taeyeon from having to do what she did. Just the thought of someone else
touching Taeyeon in that way made her see red. Ill work. Ill apply somewhere my parents
wont find out.
I dont know
You cant keep supporting the both of us like this.
Once, Taeyeon tried talking her out of it, but that had done no good. Jessicas promise was that
once the two graduated and they left, shed stop.
Her thumb ran over Jessicas knuckles that were slowly regaining their color. I dont want you
to.
Okay. Jessica looked her in the eye. Taeyeon smiled.
Thank you. Pulled into another kiss, Taeyeon held on until she heard Jessicas stomach give a
growl. Did you eat dinner?
Im not hungry.
Ill warm up-
Dont. Jessica stopped her with a hand. Keep me warm up instead.
Taeyeon relaxed and Jessica rolled so her back was pressed to Taeyeons front again. A few
growls later, Jessica was fast asleep. It wasnt until then that Taeyeon allowed herself to fall
asleep.

22

Part II
She swore all Jessica knew how to make was coffee and toast. Taeyeon smelt the former first
thing when she woke up with the aroma of toast added once she toweled off after a cold shower.
Slipping into the kitchen, her eyes caught Jessica draped in one of Taeyeons baseball tees and a
pair of boxers Taeyeon wasnt going to ask about. The batman logos printed all over them tipped
her off and the crisps colors told her they hadnt been a paired worn previously. Still, she
thought, it was a weird gift. Boys.
Butter spread onto a crust burnt piece of bread and Taeyeon pursed her lips. You need to eat
something else. Your stomach was growling like godzilla last night.
Were out of groceries.
She moved past Jessica who bit off a corner of toast to the fridge.
Taeyeon herself only had a few things in her own cooking repertoire but at least it was
something. She reminded herself to make a trip to the bookstore for a couple cooking manuals.
Kimchi fried rice was starting to grow dull anyway. Shed still add the ingredients to the grocery
list.
Pulling leftovers from the microwave, Taeyeon poured herself a mug of coffee. She didnt bother
to use plates - most were still dirty in the sink anyway.
Grabbing a few utensils, she placed everything on the floor table in the living area and tugged at
the tail of Jessicas shirt to pull her away from her phone charging on the couch and onto the
floor with her.
Eat first. Business later. She couldnt be sure how many messages had come into her phone,
calling on her for the night. Taeyeon didnt want to think about it this early in the morning.
I was checking my bank account.
Thats still business.
Jessica stuck out her tongue. Taeyeon retaliated by placing a vegetable onto it. Jessica accepted
the green with a satisfying sigh of contentment.
Come to school today?
Jessica made a face.
When Jessica ran away, she disappeared from school. Weeks of convincing, Yuri finally got her
to come back if only to keep an eye on her. She continued to come only for the reason that

23
Taeyeon was there. She had no family left in the country, all packed up and abandoning their
daughter who had abandoned them first.
Jessicas days were boring without having to find places to squat. If Taeyeon wasnt still a slave
to the educational system, she knew theyd be spending their time together, eating up the
daylight and basking in the afterglow of the taste of each others skin. But to Taeyeon, school
was a job. And to Jessica it was the perfect place to get an eyeful of her before giving herself
away to the light of the moon.
Yuris worried about you. Sunny too.
Jessica snorted as she chewed another bite. She knew very well how Sunny felt about her. She
hoped one day they could smile at each other when Taeyeon or Yuri werent in the room. Shed
keep praying.
They could come by here.
Dont be selfish.
How can I be selfish if all I really want right now is you?
That is selfish, Sica.
Jessica tugged on the cloth of her sleeve. Taeyeon tried swatting her away but gave in. Scooting,
she joined Jessica on her side of the table where she was immediately victim to a pair of lips on
her cheek.
Stop, Taeyeon tried to ignore her, fork picking at her food, but the damage had already been
done.
Lips skated down the line of her neck and buried there for a moment. With the swipe of a lick,
Taeyeons resolve was quickly swept away. Tilting her head, she heard Jessica chuckle as a hand
cupped her cheek and pulled her into a kiss. It tasted of cooked vegetables and tangy sauce but
the unmistakable flavor of Jessica was in there too.
Eyes closed, she heard things slide along the table before she was pushed back against it. Lips
still attached, Jessica pulled at Taeyeons waistband, easing her up and over until she was
splayed along the table. The wood was cold along her back and she shivered as Jessica bunched
up her shirt to place kisses along her stomach.
Taeyeon made the mistake of thinking about the previous night when Jessica was gone. She
made the mistake of remembering the foreign pairs of hands that had touched all over Jessicas
skin and how her mouth had been on theirs not but hours before. They were thoughts she had
been plagued with everyday in the beginning. However they always reared their ugly head,
teasing her, when Jessica started to take on more customers than usually.

24
Taeng? There was concern in Jessicas voice. She knew how to read her too well.
Taeyeon shook her head. Keep going.
Panting, Taeyeon did her best to remove the rest of the dishes from the table before they could
topple their mess to the floor. Her breath hitched, hand instantly going down to Jessicas hair
right when she got the last container safely onto the floor. Dark eyes peered at her through thin
eyelashes as a tongue ran along the sensitive skin just past her waistband.
Scoot up. Jessica instructed. As Taeyeon slide further along the table, Jessica used her
movement to tug down her shorts.
The hunger in Jessicas eyes made Taeyeon blush but it only served to make her knees spread
open even more, welcoming that juicy tongue that dragged along Jessicas lips.
Breath blew against her center and Taeyeon dropped her head back onto the wood, forcing
herself not to think about the fact they ate on this table. Sunny, Yuri, Sooyoung, all their guest
ate on this table. She would have to disinfect.
Somewhere in the distance an alarm sounded. Jessica ignored it with the sweep of her hair over
one shoulder.
Were going to be late. Taeyeon breathed out.
So, come quickly then hurry and finish me after.
Taeyeon let out a whimper as a tongue made contact with awaiting wetness.
Home Room wasnt very important anyway.
-/-/-/The first half of the day went by with Taeyeon still able to taste Jessicas skin on the back of her
tongue. Breakfast sex with Jessica always left her with a hangover of goofy grins and rosy
cheeks whenever Sunny asked her how her morning was.
A whistle blew from the sidelines and Taeyeon tightened her grip on the racquet in her hands.
P.E. was her least favorite class but for Jessica she knew it was a particular sort of hell. Taeyeon
caught sight of her on the other side of the net, draped in a pair of Yuris gym clothes (hers were
dirty), racquet held down by her side in defiance.
Three-on-three badminton was the choice sport of the day. Taeyeon and her team versus Jessica,
Sunny, and another girl who kept shooting wary glances to the two on her side.
The coach shot Jessica a look. Taeyeon knew her attention was elsewhere. She had been late
onto the court, eyes drawn down to her cellphone until Taeyeon rushed her out. A good offer

25
must've come in for Jessica to be that off her game.
Focus, Jung! The coach snapped and Jessica lifted her racquet up enough to satisfy the coach
to signal the go.
The shuttlecock bounced off the threads from the other side and Taeyeon hurried for it. Birdie
rocketing off the center, it soared right into Jessicas area where it fell straight to the floor.
Sunny huffed and Taeyeon shot Jessica a look as the birdie switched serves to her side. The play
lasted almost five passes before Jessica let it slip through her hands again, attention pulled
somewhere else.
Get your head out of your ass! Sunny snapped, snatching the shuttlecock from the floor.
Jessica glared. Get off your knees, midget!
Sica. Yuri hissed from where she waited on the sidelines.
The whistle blew, shutting them all up.
Jung, take a break. Yelled the coach.
Shrugging, she walked off the court, pulling her phone from where it was tucked away in her
shirt. Taeyeon watched her disappear into the locker room with the coachs irritated eyes on her
back.
Kwon, youre in.
Yuri bounced in to take Jessicas spot. The play started again and the games continued without
much interruption until the end of the period.
Forgoing a water break, Taeyeon rushed off to the locker room but Jessica wasnt there.
-/-/-/Id like her more if she didnt act like she was better than all of us.
Taeyeon slid her tray along the lunchline, hand reaching out for a bowl of jell-o. It was the least
questionable looking dessert next to the soggy pie thing Yuri picked up. She really hoped there
wasnt any mold in there.
Youve got the wrong idea. Taeyeon defended.
Shes prissy, Sunny went on, tray poking into the small of Taeyeons back to get her to hurry
and claim a table. Im still trying to figure out what you see in her other than the legs.

26
And the boobs. Yuri plopped down next to Sunny who sat across from her.
Ugh, Taeyeon scrunched her face. Thats my girlfriend youre talking about.
And my best friend. Yuri smirked, smug. I copped a feel before she even knew you existed.
Cushiony.
Yuri dodged a flying vegetable that was meant for her face.
Please, you two, Id like to keep my food in not out.
Are you sure about that? Yuri poked at the glob of lunch on Sunys plate.
A hand quickly batted it away. From their years growing up, Taeyeon knew Sunny had an iron
stomach. The one time she did get a stomach virus they had both thought she was on the brink of
death. Sunnys sister told them they were being over-dramatic and forced medicine down
Sunnys stubborn throat. Three days later, she was alive and well.
But, really, whats been her problem lately?
Taeyeons eyes shot over to Yuri who quickly drew her attention back down to her plate.
Work is rough right now, She offered. Sunnys mouth opened to comment. A forkful of food
found place in her jaws instead. Taeyeon mirrored her actions, grateful Sunny didnt push it
anymore.
When things got tight, Jessica grew a steel shell. She put up a face for the sake of Taeyeon and
Yuri and would for anyone else who knew how thin she stretched herself when she was
desperate.
Jessica acted untouchable. Sometimes Taeyeon bought it but she knew better. Their first true
encounter she had been presented with a vulnerable Jessica she knew not many others - if any were privy to.
She had always wondered why Jessica had trusted her that night. Why she hadn't sought out Yuri
or someone closer to help keep her hidden instead of her.
"You were a nobody." Taeyeon had felt offended at her words before she realized what Jessica
meant.
No one would suspect Taeyeon. She was an outlier, someone who moved effortless under the
radar because she had never done anything to ping someone's interest. And a Jessica, use to
taking chances on mere strangers, had taken her chances that night. That was it. In all her
vulnerable, messy hair, glory.
Jessica was the kind of person who reigned everything in when things started to go to hell. Shed

27
do anything to keep the people around her thinking everything was fine. Lashing out was only
part of keeping the truth hidden, and Sunny being Sunny found herself on the end of those little
snips and jabs more often than not.
"Is this seat for me?
A hand smoothed down Taeyeons shoulder to her back. A chill chased the trail of that hand
when soft lips touched her cheek. The legs of the chair scratched along the linoleum as Jessica
pulled it out and sank down.
A strange tension filled the table then. Taeyeon shoveled jell-o into her mouth.
You should hurry though the line if you want to eat. Said Yuri.
Im not hungry. Hey- Jessicas eyes shifted to the little brunette with the cropped hair sitting
beside her best friend. Sunny didnt dare meet her eyes, attention forced upon a stubborn pea that
wouldnt stick to the prong of her fork. Earlier in the gym
Yeah, whatever.
It had nothing to do with you.
I said, whatever. Sunny looked up.
Jessica lifted her eyebrows and Sunny nodded her head before looking away.
Yuri hid her laugh behind her hand while Taeyeon rolled her eyes. She had never witnessed a
more pitiful apology in her life but it did the job. The tension seeped away and she could finally
taste the lime of her jell-o now that shed relaxed.
I only came by to tell you Im leaving after lunch. Grabbing Taeyeons wrist, Jessica led the
spoonful of jell-o to her mouth and ate it. I wont be home tonight.
Taeyeon stiffened. She had told Jessica she always wanted to know at least some of the details. It
didnt make her any more prepared for them.
Does it have to be after lunch?
Jessica nodded. Taeyeon figured one of the calls had been scheduled for the afternoon. Usually
shed decline a lot of them since she knew Taeyeon liked having her at school but with their
current situation a few rules fudged.
What kind of job asks a High School student to work nights?
The paying kind, Jessica quipped. Sunny rolled her eyes and returned to her carrots. Can you
go to the store? I left money on the fridge.

28

When will you be back?

Jessica pushed on small smile. Taeyeon knew that smile. It meant shed be sleeping the first half
on the night alone.
Gentle fingers brushed at her fringe and Taeyeon shivered as fingertips just grazed her forehead.
Dont wait up, okay?
Jessicas voice was smooth and calming. Focused eyes locked onto Taeyeons to ease her
worries. It never grew easy for her. It never became something that didnt gnaw Taeyeons
stomach from the inside out. It never became a thing she could turn a blind eye to because the
moment she did could possibly be the moment Jessica never came back. And Taeyeon didnt
want to miss a beat.
Ill leave dinner in the oven.
Jessica nodded, smile tugging a bit more genuine. Taeyeon felt her chest flutter when warm lips
touched the place just between her eyebrows.
I hate to admit it, started Sunny, watching them as they sat back in their chairs to eat lunch,
but the two of you act so...married.
A flush filled Taeyeons cheeks while Jessicas lips pulled back into a haughty grin. An arm
draped over the back of Taeyeons chair and she instinctively leaned against it for comfort and
support. She was not dumb or stupid to the statistics of High School relationships.
They were flings, brought about by raging hormones and the gaping need to be important to
somebody to make it through the day. They were constructs of disaster doomed from the start
and great topics for passing periods and library gossip. She and Jessica had once been hot topics
until everyone realized the two didnt do anything.
They acted like normal people. It was weird. Sometimes Taeyeon thought it was weird. They had
somehow found a constant - a balance. An ebb and flow with one another that shouldnt have
worked. But it did.
Taeyeon chalked it up to her parents teaching her to cast away that pubescent attitude and start
acting like a proper lady early on. For Jessica she just figured the girl had to learn how to grow
up so quickly on her own, constantly grasping at strands to hold onto to keep her afloat, that
when Taeyeon came in she vowed to do anything to keep her.
Shes kind of right. Yuri pointed out.
Jessica shifted and Taeyeon moved with her like the force of a magnet.
Jealous, Soonkyu?

29

In your dreams, Sooyeon.

Jessica grimaced at the name, Taeyeon squeezed her knee beneath the table. Maybe by their ten
year anniversary their jabs would hold less seriousness and more fluffy banter.
Ill get us something to drink. Jessica pulled away. She wasnt even ashamed at the fact she
was watching Jessica saunter her way through the cafeteria. She had such a sense of pride for her
girl.
Totally married. Sunny muttered.
Stop being so shy and maybe Soo will marry you one day.
Kim Taeyeon! Sunny roared while Yuri choked on the gulp of soda she had been swallowing.
Taeyeon grinned at the blush in Sunnys cheeks. Victory was hers for the day.
-/-/-/She was pulled from sleep by the dip in the bed.
Arms wrapped around her with a head burrowed into her chest. Taeyeon felt the shake in
Jessica's shoulders before she heard her sniffle against her skin. Pulling back, Taeyeons stomach
dropped at the stream of tears pooling down Jessicas make-up smeared face.
Jessica? Taeyeon cupped her face, pushing hair back to get a better look at her. Jessica
hiccupped, tears coming stronger. Baby, whats wrong? What hurts?
Pushing back, Jessica rolled onto her back. Taeyeon held her breath as thin fingers reached for
her tail of her shirt and pulled it up.
The bruising had already begun, yellow turning into purple in the darkness. Taeyeon could make
out the markings of fingers pressed into pale skin.
Jessica
Taeyeon moved her hands away and went to work. Easing Jessica up, she peeled off her shirt and
dropped it to the floor before coaxing her to a stand. She hurried to undo the zipper of her skirt
and pulled it down off her legs. She could see the terrible redness like fire along the back of her
thighs even before she tugged her underwear down only to see the same blotching along the
curve of her rear.
Taeyeons teeth gritted. She wanted to scream. She wanted to curse. She wanted to take Jessicas
phone, find out what monster had done this to her, and gut him alive.

30
Taeyeon? Her voice was a broken sob, arms curving around her body to hide the most of the
damage.
There had been only one other time Taeyeon had seen Jessica come home like this, though the
previous event had been worse. Taeyeon blinked away the memory of a bloody mouth and a
swelling eye red from busted vessels.
"We need to clean you up." She took Jessica by the fingers and led her into the bathroom. "Get
in."
"Taeyeon, calm-"
"Get in!"
Jessica heeded, one foot stepping into the bath after the other. Cold water spewed out first and
Jessica jerked herself back from the stream that gradually grew warm.
Water hot enough, Taeyeon yanked the lever for the shower to run. It was scalding, hitting her
arm still beneath the steam. She quickly adjusted the temperature before grabbing the shampoo.
She could still smell his stink in her hair.
"Taeyeon?"
"Turn around."
Watery eyes held on her. She didn't move.
"Let me wash your hair."
Jessica nodded slowly, turning her body around. Taeyeon stilled.
Dont freak out. Please, dont freak out. She pleaded but freaking out wasn't what Taeyeon
was doing.
She was breaking, each crack in the shell she was attempting to hold strong for Jessica growing
larger and larger the more the saw the damage down.
Taeyeon's jaw tightened, eyes closing to the stinging welts that lined Jessica back. What else
did he do to you?
"Please, calm down."
"What else!"
Jessica shook her head.

31
Dammit, Jessica. Taeyeon punched the edge of the shower wall out of frustration. Her nerves
screamed in pain. Fuck!
Wet hands were on her then, reaching from beyond the shower to grab her face. "Taeyeon, look
at me."
"I don't want you to do this again."
"I'm fine, Taeng. It was just a misunderstanding."
"This," Taeyeon threw a hand towards Jessica's body, "is not a misunderstanding. What if you
hadn't left? What if he rap-"
Jessica paled, knowing what was about to come out of her mouth. He didn't do that."
Taeyeon shook her head, fringe damp from shower water shooting out at her sticking to her
forehead. "I can't let you do this anymore - I won't let you."
"Taeyeon, we've been through this."
"What if you didn't come back!" She choked. She found Jessica's face, black and pink and pale in
front of her.
She looked into her face - into her eyes - and wondered what would it be like to never see it
again? To know she had willingly let this precious girl out of her sight, knowing full well what
could've happened, and send her to her own demise.
"I can't lose you."
"Look at me," Jessica smoothed her thumbs beneath Taeyeon'a teary eyes. Hers were steaming
just the same. "I'm right here. Look at me, baby, I'm right here."
Stepping over the rim, Taeyeon wrapped her arms around Jessica, crushing her against herself as
much as she could. Fingers clawed into her shirt soaked from the streaming water, holding her
rooted in place.
"I'm sorry I scared you. I'm sorry to make you worry. I'm sorry I can't assure you I'll always be
okay, but I'll always come home, okay?"
Taeyeon nodded, face turning to bury in Jessica neck.
"Keep trusting me."
"Okay." Taeyeon cried into her skin while Jessica shook against her.
Trusting her was really all she could do. Even if it killed her in the end.

32

-/-/-/I think were going to stay in today.

What?!
The phone slipped from where she held it against her ear with a shoulder and bounced against
the bed. She could hear Sunny still drilling into her through the speakers. Taeyeon took her time
retrieving it from the mess of blankets of the bed she was making before placing it back to her
ear.
Take extra notes for me?
You, not her.
Taeyeon rolled her eyes. It was the same thing. Whatever was hers was Jessicas.
Are you sick? Is she sick?
Bad night at work.
Sunny huffed but put up no further argument. They had all witnessed a Jessica having a bad day,
which Sunny always got the worst because she was such an instigator. Taeyeon wouldn't explain
that bad day Jessica was different from bad weekend Jessica. All she needed was an excuse to
keep her best friend from being too mad at her.
Ill photocopy a set for you.
Thanks, Sunny.
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Have fun being a bum for the day.
The line went dead and Taeyeon smoothed a hand over a clean comforter before leaving the
bedroom.
Jessica looked particularly comfortable, legs pulled up into a chair propped in front of an old
desktop computer. She had scored the bulky thing off an elder woman who was moving out a
couples months ago. She was going to throw the thing out in claims she didn't have the eyes to
stare at the screen anymore and the grandkids thought it was too out of date to use for their
gaming.
The dial up modem was slow and the internet even slower but she had managed to bang out
research papers on the old thing without too many annoying difficulties.
Taeyeon pressed a kiss to the top of Jessica's head before resting her chin against her blonde hair

33
watching as Jessica scrolled through emails in her work account.
She was still impressed by the amount of people that would contact Jessica. Some for mornings,
some for afternoons, many at night. New names along with regulars who called on her at least
twice a week. Taeyeon felt an odd sense of closeness to them though that sounded twisted.
"Don't you think you should take it easy a few more days?"
"I didn't get anything from the second appointment. I need to make up for it if we're paying Dr.
Son in full."
Taeyeons nose wrinkled at the mention of their landlord. He was no doctor, at least in the
medical terms of the word, but he swore to have a PhD in some obscure study and made all the
residence referred to him as such.
"I think he'll understand if we're a little short."
"He already cuts out five percent.
Taeyeon sipped on her coffee. That had been a deal made before Taeyeon moved in. Shed ask
how Jessica managed to get it, but by the forlorn way Dr. Son gazed after her when hed catch
sight of the two of them leaving, she had a pretty good idea of how.
The speakers gave a chime bringing a new, bolded email to the top. The sender was unknown
like most of the others in Jessica's inbox but it was what was written in the subject like that
caught their attention.
"Do you think it's a scam?"
Jessica stared at the figures the customer offered in the subject. "I don't know."
There were times it happened and they were left ripped off with half or less given over for
payment. The time Jessica actually worked under somebody had helped weed out the potential
con artists and criminals. But having a pimp subtracted a percentage out of Jessica pocket and
she couldn't survive on that. So she went lone wolf, using her better judgment to spot the
assholes before she allowed anyone to spread open her legs.
Jessica opened the email.
"It's a woman."
Taeyeon's eyebrows lifted as she read a few lines over Jessica's shoulder. Whoever this woman
was talked too formal and too good to be true.
She pulled away, letting Jessica decide on her own. If Taeyeon had a say in anything, she'd slap
all of them with creeper tags and tell Jessica to stay the hell away. After what happened a couple

34
nights back, the thought of running background checks on each of those sleeve balls became
more and more tempting.
"Aren't you going to school?"
"I thought we could skip together today."
Jessica gasped, feigning shock. "I think hell just froze over."
"Grab an umbrella, I heard it's raining cats and dogs."
"Mmm, Jessica bounced over to where Taeyeon lounged on the couch. Taeyeon draped an arm
around Jessicas waist as she laid the length of her. Can we go shopping?"
"We should go by the clinic first."
Jessica paled. "Not yet."
She knew why. The bruising was still too fresh even after a weekend past. Jessica didn't want to
run the risk of getting caught. She didn't want to run the risk of being found out and put into a
foster system that ate kids up and spit them back our worse for wear.
Fake IDs and good makeup could only hold up so much in the eyes of professionals who were
concerned with the well being of the youth and just wanted to see their young people living
happy, wholesome lives.
Jessica had never cared for wholesome and Taeyeon never did care for manufactured happiness
sold on smiling faces while worlds came to destruction behind closed, polished doors. Her
happiness was found in a cheap apartment and tired yet warming eyes that greeted her most
mornings and rebel Taeyeon was as close to wholesome as Jessica would get.
"Can we get a shower first? I want to apply at a few places in the mall."
Jessicas face lit up. "Does this mean blazer Taeyeon?"
"It could mean naked, wet Taeyeon if you get off me."
"I can make you both of those without a shower."
Taeyeon shuddered. "I'm half way there already."
Jessica pulled a grin. Taeyeon thought her shoulder was dislocated with how hard Jessica had
yanked her away off to the bathroom.
-/-/-/-

35
Taeyeon cursed under her breath as she made a wrong mark on the application. Scribbling out
the mistake, she wrote the right one beside it and grimaced at how the perfect document
suddenly looked cheap with the tiny blemish.
Should I get another one?
Licking ice cream from a spoon, Jessica left it in her mouth as she swiped up the application. Her
eyes scanned over it a minute before she handed it back and pointed.
You should put Sunny as your emergency contact.
But I already have you.
Add her too. And maybe your dad.
Taeyeon pulled a face. She didnt want her parent to have anything to do with this. She opted out
of adding them and jotted in Sunnys name. It would have to do.
Finishing up lunch in the food court, they returned to the retail store, Taeyeon with application in
hand.
It was on the more expensive side of stores. The kind she and Sunny used to walk through when
their parents allowed them to roam the mall alone and gawk at price tags.
Back then the two of them had the dream of becoming rich and famous so they could actually
buy the things. Glitz and glam started to mean less and less as they grew older and Taeyeon
stopped wandering into places she could not afford.
A girl with a bright smile and pretty wavy hair took her application at the register and Taeyeon
hurried off to find where Jessica had gone.
Holding a pair of leather pants, Jessica spun around to face Taeyeon who approached.
"What do you think?"
They looked like they would be tight and uncomfortable. Like they'd form to Jessica's body like
a second skin leaving no room to breathe. Taeyeon thought she'd look like the perfect synonym
for sexy.
"How much are they?" That was the safe answer. Jessica already knew she'd look good in them
anyway.
She shrugged, tucking them over her arm and started picking through pants again.
Taeyeon found herself sitting inside the dressing room, four pants and three shirts later while
Jessica tried everything on.

36

"Why did you apply here?"

Taeyeon shook her head at the shirt Jessica tried on. Too flashy. She took it off.
"It pays well."
"We'll have to buy you new clothes."
Taeyeon glanced down at what she was wearing. She had dressed decently to make a good first
impression on the employers, but thinking back to her closet there was a serious setback in
trendy clothing. And this place screamed trendy.
"They might not even hire me."
Jessica shrugged as she headed over a blouse. "Try this on."
The sight of sequins made her gag. "I don't like-"
"Put it on." Jessica went to tug on get shirt. Taeyeon batted her hands away and did it herself.
Plucking the blouse from the hanger, she started pulling it over her head when Jessica's phone
went off. She moved to sit on the dressing room bench to answer the message.
"I look..." Taeyeon turned this way and that in the mirror. It wasnt hideous but it wasn't her.
And the color made her pale skin look washed out. Suddenly she wished she was back in t-shirt
and holey jeans with a greasy slice of pizza and bed head.
"There. I tried it on." Taeyeon started pulling it off. "Can we go now?"
Jessica's fingers tapped out a message on her phone before she looked up. "I didn't get to see you
in it."
Oh fucking well. She looked like a busted clamshell in if anyway. "Was that her?"
Jessica nodded as Taeyeon put her button up back on and grabbed her blazer. "I'm meeting her
tonight."
"Jess-"
"I'm okay for it." She tried to assure but there was a ghost of hesitance in her expression. "She's
picking me up."
"From where?"
"I told her an address near the karaoke bar."

37

Taeyeon nodded, stiffly. "We can go there now and wait..."

Jessica nodded. As many times as they had discussed these things, Taeyeon hadn't seen Jessica
look so nervous before. A part of her said not to let her go. That night a few days ago was still
too fresh and she could see it in the way Jessica had clung onto Taeyeon as they walked through
the mall more than usual.
Stretching out her hand, Jessica took it and laced their fingers together.
"Trust me." Was what Jessica told her in the beginning. That's all she could do for now.
-/-/-/Taeyeon was up to her eyes in smoke and the perfume wafting off Jessicas skin.
Sooyoung was up at the mic, screeching out some Japanese pop song circa 1987. A call from
Sunny tipped them off that she had just finished up cram school but was put on dinner duty for
the night. Taeyeon had shivered in horror thinking about having to cook for all those brothers,
sisters, and cousins who seemed to always pop around.
Hey! The door swung open to reveal Sooyoungs older sister, Soojin.
Sooyoung just managed to grab the mic before it hit the floor. What?!
Taeyeon cringed. They were both uncomfortably boisterous.
Your break ended fifteen minutes ago!
You can cover for me on your own!
Soojin shot the rest an apologetic look before she grabbed Sooyoung by the ear and dragged her
out. The door closed on their shrilly argument.
Finally, Yuri got up to shut the song down. The screen returned to the menu and she lowered
the volume. I thought my ears were going to bleed.
I think mine already started to. Taeyeon dug a pinkie into her ear. Jessica made a disgusted
face as she wiped it on the leg of her jeans.
Its getting late. Yuri picked the remote from the table, new cigarette finding place between
her lips. It was Sooyoung who had gotten her hooked on the things...or maybe it was the other
way around. She did remember Sooyoung saying at one point she was trying to quit.
Nice to see you again, stranger. She poked Jessica in the arm as a song started up. I started to
forget your face.

38

I wish I forgot yours.

Such a bitch.
Jessica winked. Yuris eye roll was taken in jest with an accompanying smile. Music flowing
from the speakers, she lifted the mic to her mouth. Taeyeon relaxed to the syrupy tones of Yuris
voice and leaned back against the couch cushions.
Jessica lounged up against her, nail subconsciously scratching at a loose thread in her jeans. Her
closeness hadnt faded since the mall and Taeyeon wished they could continue it throughout the
night.
She had the burning desire to strip Jessica down to nothing, gaze at her with everything, and hold
her close to her own bare body without rise for anything past their closeness. Something to
remind Jessica that she was not and would never be like those who had to give to get Jessica.
What they had was different. What they had was real and it was that realness Taeyeon was
missing. Recent spats about future and money had come about in attempts to draw them asunder.
But they held on. Like hell, they would hold on.
How much longer?
Jessica checked her phone. Less than half an hour left before the car would be there to pick her
up. Returning to the couch, Yuri threw her feet up to rest in Jessicas lap. Manicured fingers
done by an old lady at the mall danced along Yuris ankle that peeked from beneath her jeans
before shooing it away.
Yuri resituated to blow smoke away from them and Jessica pulled up her knees to rest them half
in Taeyeons lap while her head sank to press against her chest. Taeyeon wrapped an arm around
her. Security. Thats what it said. But Taeyeon was only a knight with her lady at arm's length.
Out there in the big bad world she was useless.
Why dont you pack a bag? Said Yuri, tapping her with an elbow. Stay with me tonight.
Tempting but Taeyeon liked being there when Jessica got home. She knew they could all just
end up at Yuris but her house was small and her mother wasn't always the most inviting of
pesky teenagers.
Walk her home for me? Jessicas voice was muffled in her shirt.
Yuri looked up to Taeyeon knowing she would have declined if it hadve been Yuris request.
Id like that.
Who is it tonight?

39
A woman, Taeyeon answered. Jessicas phone buzzed and she sat up. She gave Sica a crazy
offer.
How much? Yuris eyebrows shot into her hairline at the figures. Do you really think its
legit?
Only one way to find out. Jessica stood up, pulling down the hem of her dress. It was simple
and pretty along with her make-up. Not too much and not too little. Shell be right back.
Yuri nodded. Dont get yourself killed tonight.
Jessica blew Yuri a kiss at the same time Taeyeon took the hand held out for her.
They left the booth for the lobby where Taeyeon could hear the sisters still arguing from the back
while Taewoo manned the counter, nose buried in a foreign playboy and earbuds jammed in.
How they got customers here, Taeyeon didnt know.
Thats her.
Taeyeon peered out the smudged glass entry door. Across the street, her eyes found a sleek,
midnight blue car idled on the curb. The make and model, decked with custom tires screamed
money. Taeyeon realized it shouldve eased her worries of this person being a scam. It only
served to make her more nervous.
Be careful, okay?
Ask Yuri to stay with you if youre worried.
Im not worried.
Youre also not a good liar.
Taeyeon looked away but the press of Jessicas hand to her face brought her eyes back up. Try
and sleep tonight.
Come back to me tonight.
No words, Jessica pulled her in for a kiss.
Taeyeon held onto it, drinking in the taste of Jessicas mouth enough to sustain her through the
night. Fingers brushed against her cheek as Jessica pulled away and she waved before slipping
out the door.
Taeyeon stood by, watching as Jessica strutted across the street and slipped into the car. They
pulled off once the door was shut and Taeyeon made her way back to the booth.

40
She fell back into her usual spot. On her right Yuri scooted in, offering her strength. Taeyeon
gave her a weak smile before reaching for the bottle of soju on the table. She swallowed a gulp
down hoping it would rid the bad taste of the back of her throat.
It didnt.
Wheres the mic?
It landed heavy in her hand as Yuri offered it over. Picking a song at random, she took in a
breath.
Time to distract herself another night.
-/-/-/When Jessica came home, she was alive.
Taeyeon woke to her literature book being plucked off her chest and the press of knees on either
side of her body. She vaguely registered the time burning from the clock but the numbers didn't
matter. Only the ones printed onto the bills in Jessicas hands did.
Those were very high numbers and in a copious amount. It almost seemed unreal. Taeyeon
nearly pinched herself to see if she was dreaming but the hand skating up her stomach and
fingers gripping into her collar were very real.
Were almost there. Jessicas voice was husky and thick, eyes a little glassy.
She had been drinking though not enough to get her drunk. Jessica was drunk off something else.
She was high off a good hit and the excitement of being able to share her winnings with the one
she loved.
The pull on her collar brought Taeyeons up enough to meet Jessicas mouth in the center. She
could taste toothpaste but could smell the fragrance of another still left on her skin. Taeyeon
wanted to pull away, tell them they could do this in the shower, but Jessicas hands were
persistent and she was starting to get drunk off those lipstick smeared lips.
Were going to be rich.
Taeyeon took hold of the wad of cash pressed against her cheek. She got a better look at the
amount and she gawked. Who had this woman been to have given this much?
Were already rich. Taeyeon dropped the money away to grab Jessicas face.
Electricity emitted from her skin that shocked Taeyeon's pores and seeped into her fingertips.
Were going to get out of here, baby. Jessica grinned, wide and ecstatic from a veil of tangled,

41
blonde hair. She kissed Taeyeon a few more times, open mouthed and wet along her neck. You
and me, were getting out of here.
I want to go there now.
Jessica licked at the shell of her ear. Undress me.
Taeyeons eyes grazed over her. The dress she wore was white yet no less flashy. It made Jessica
look almost virginal but the wicked way she was grinding against Taeyeons hips told Jessica
was anything but.
Fumbling with the zipper, Taeyeon tugged it down and helped shimmy the garment away. Hot
hands returned the favor, impatiently shedding an oversized t-shirt and sweats from Taeyeons
limbs. Those same fingers danced along the inside of her thigh and she gasped feeling the
collected wetness that awaited for her between Jessicas milky thighs.
Take me there, baby. Jessica breathed into her ear and Taeyeon ignited.
Hips rising up, she eased herself onto Jessicas teasing fingers while her own slipped into the
drenched cavern she loved.
Theyd take each other their together.

42

Part III
Days passed by in a blur.
Dismissal at the end of the day, Taeyeon snuck behind the teachers back for an extra homework
packet. She'd force Jessica to do at least half of it before checking her work and doing the rest.
Something Sunny had said to her weeks ago came back. About Jessica freeloading. The guilt of
not telling Sunny the truth about Jessica rested on her heavily as she picked through her locker,
filling it with the things she didnt need to take home. She remembered talks of going to cram
school over lunch but she was just too tired.
Taeyeon always had trouble getting back to sleep when Jessica came home in the night. Mostly
because she didn't want to. She liked rubbing a hand along Jessica's back until she dozed off, and
sometimes by then it would already be time for Taeyeon to get up.
She always excused her droopy eyes as late night studying when Sunny would ask - her grades
were good enough to back it up. But the amount of lies she had to tell took their toll. Taeyeon
could feel the two of them slowly drifting apart.
Best friends of seven years fizzling out over fear of what the truth would do. Taeyeon could
handle her parents backlash about her life choices but Sunny's...
"You're not staying are you?"
Taeyeon shook her head, closing her locker to frown over at Sunny. "I promise I will tomorrow."
A calculator in Sunnys hand hit her lightly in the head. "What did I tell you about making
promises you don't intend to keep?"
"I'll keep this one." She rubbed at the sore place on her forehead. That hard hurt more than she
expected.
"Yeah, I'll believe that when I see it." Sunny pulled away, but it wasn't fast enough for Taeyeon
to miss the disappointment in her expression. "Tell the Missus I said to get her ass to class!"
Taeyeon would if she thought the Missus was going to be home.
Sica? She called out into the apartment.
Her shoes clattered to the pile by the door as she toed them off and stepped into her slippers.
Silence echoed back at her and Taeyeon opened her mouth to call again when the sight of the
woman in question stopped her.
Jessica laid curled up on the couch, hair in loose curls messy all over the cushions. She was still

43
dressed from wherever she had gone, shoes sitting on the floor beside her. She mustve come in
and crashed right after, too tired to change or wash her face.
Turning out the living room light, Taeyeon let her be.
She sighed as she went for the bedroom, lips smacking with hunger. She was too tired to put too
much effort into dinner for the night. Ramyun would have to do. Jessica probably wouldnt want
to eat much anyway.
Leaving the closet with a new set of clothes, Taeyeon went to toss her dirty ones into the hamper
when something caught her eye. A glossy white box with swooping black letters stuck out from
beside the bed.
Tugging on a new shirt, she went over to toe at it when she realized it was a shoe box. Picking it
up, she opened it on top of the bed.
A pair of heels looked back up at her resting in thick, black tissue paper bringing the
unmistakable scent of newness. They were designer, glossy black all around save for the heel
and soul which glittered a hard, metallic gold. Taeyeon picked one up, running her finger along
the abstract flowery patterns engraved all along the heel.
There was no price tag, but Taeyeon could guess the fortune they must've been. The name
stitched into the gold, inner sole was one Taeyeon only heard passed about by idols on TV
walking along red carpets to events.
Rubbing the smudge of her fingerprints left in the heel, Taeyeon went to put it back when she
saw a card tucked beneath the other shoe at the bottom of the box.
It was single piece of stiff stationary. Velvet ivory on one side while the other was a combination
of the rough and smooth texture of parchment. Written with what could be nothing other than a
calligraphy pen along the threads was a simple message:
-Love, KB
-/-/-/Taeyeon lounged back in a rusty metal chair, DS in hand that Sunny let her borrow for stress
relieving purposes. It was her old one with scratches in the screen, but it was a sure fire boredom
killer on laundry days.
The sound of washers and dryers surrounded her in the laundromat, interior made stark by
glowing fluorescence and the darkness coming in through the large, glass windows. Detergent
was heavy in the air with the nose tickling smell of fabric sheets. She sniffled, fingers lifting off
buttons for only a second to scratch at her nostril.
"Were you raised in a zoo?"

44

Jessica's voice came over her like the springtime scent of fabric softener.
Taeyeons eyes bounce up a moment to catch a glimpse of her girlfriend, but a glimpse wasn't
enough. Taeyeon's neck snapped up, foregoing the high score on her game to get a good look at
her.
She looked stunningly classy, hair tossed over one shoulder and eyes smoky with thick liner.
"You're wearing the heels." She noticed. They gave Jessca four more inches of height. Taeyeon
licked her lips. Her legs looked amazing.
Do you like them?
Taeyeon nodded. She was more partial to Chucks and Kicks but she knew nice when she saw it.
Were they from
"I'm seeing her again tonight." Jessica's eyes scanned her face. "Is that okay?"
The night after Jessica met with her the first time flooded back. Sleep had been quickly forgotten
as they chased orgasms all the way to sunrise. Jessica had left her feeling wonderfully raw and
blissfully spent.
Fingers combed back her fringe to press a kiss to her forehead.
"Wait," Taeyeon got up to rummage through the trash bag she had brought the clothes in.
At the bottom she found a trench coat she had stolen from home back when she left. There was a
small stain on the tail of it but the tag said dry clean only and she wasn't going to take a chance
on this cheap place.
"It's cold."
"Is it? Jessica smirked as she eased her arms into the coat and tied to belt around her waist. Or
are you worried about me making everyone feel hot?"
Taeyeon pinched her in the arm. "Be careful, okay?"
Jessica answered her with a tender kiss. Even her perfume was making Taeyeon a little dizzy.
"Don't turn the whites pink again!" Jessica patted her butt before slipping away.
Taeyeon huffed as she plopped back down and picked up her DS once again. She finished two
more levels by the time her clothes finished in the wash.
She went to change everything into the dryer when someone yelled. Taeyeon froze.

45

"Minah, get in the car!"

She peeked back over her shoulder. Other customers stood back in confused silence as a man
marched over to a girl hidden off in the corner and grabbed her arm.
Lets go! He snarled.
Taeyeon sank to the floor, hiding on the opposite side of a line of washers. Hitting Jessica name
on speed dial, she let the phone ring.
I'm fine, Taeng. You don't have to check in on me."
Joonhyung is here.
Jessica went quiet.
Memories reeled through Taeyeon's mind. Horrible, horrible memories of years back when
Jessica was marionetted by hands that had nearly ruined her. Hands that had done more damage
to Jessica without even having to touch her.
Taeyeon used to wish she could go back in time. To before Jessica meet Joonhyung, who offered
her a way that she could live and support herself on her own. A desperate, naive Jessica had
taken the offer without knowing the gravity of the situation. She only thought about what she
was good at and how with Joonhyung she couldve had a chance.
Taeyeon and Yuri had begged Jessica to get away from him. He used Jessica like a pawn, ripping
her off, and forcing her into jobs and situations she didnt want.
When Jessica had finally ended it, Joonhyung came after her.
Taeyeon could still smell the blood. She could still feel the heat of the welts and bruises left on
precious skin. She could still remember how broken Jessica had been left, body laying limp over
the edge of the bathtub too exhausted to even move.
One day, Taeyeon vowed, shed gut that man. She swore she would if he ever laid a finger on
Jessica ever again.
Dont let him see you.
He didnt. Hes Taeyeon peered out the large windows again. The girl he was with slipped
into the back of his car with the push of his hand. Hes leaving.
Get back home as soon as you can. Jessica ordered. The fear Joonhyung had instilled in her
was evident by the hardness in her tone. I'll call Yuri to check the area. I'm not coming back
tonight."

46

Taeyeon's stomach knotted. All she wanted was for Jessica to be with her. Apart, she could never
be sure if the other was truly safe.
"I have to go."
The call ended.
Slowly Taeyeon found her way back to her chair. She kept her eyes out the widows, DS
forgotten on the floor beside her.
-/-/-/Yuri smiled down at Taeyeon from where she stood outside the apartment door. She let her in
without question. It had been three days since Joonhyung showed up at the laundromat. Two
days had passed without seeing his ugly face until he was spotted cruising through the
neighborhood again.
I havent seen him again since the other day, Yuri shuffled into the kitchen, placing a couple
grocery sacks on the counter. Its probably okay for her to come back now.
Shes still withWith Donghae, yeah.
Taeyeons nose wrinkled.
Yuri smiled at her knowingly. Shes safe there.
Maybe, but it didnt mean Taeyeon still wasnt concerned. She had only met him a handful of
times and each, Taeyeon was still a bit wary of him though Yuri and Jessica both assured her she
had nothing to worry about.
In the the time Jessica had run away years ago, it was Donghae she had run to. He was a part of
Jessica and Yuris circle of friends before Taeyeon was even a sparkle in her Jessicas eye.
Apparently he and Yuri had dated, which by default put him subject to all of best friend Jessicas
torture questions and little, kitten eyes for him to buy her pretty things too.
He was three years older than them. After the break up, he ended up becoming more of a big
brother to the two as they grew up. Taeyeon still questioned how a school dropout who skipped
off to chase his dream of being in an alternative band with his buds was a good role model. Even
so, Taeyeon had him and his friends to thank for protecting Jessica during a time she probably
wouldve ended up unconscious tucked under an alleyway dumpster.
He was the only person Taeyeon trusted aside from Yuri with Jessicas life. If only he stopped
gifting Jessica weird presents like Batman boxers and gym socks only good on freezing winters.

47

I brought food, she pulled out a take out carton from one of the grocery bags. Taeyeon noted
soda cans in the other. It got cold on the way.
The microwave works now. It took her a week before she realized that the outlet it was
plugged into had gotten a short and changed to a different one. Waiting for the oven to heat up
was not always fun.
Smells of takoyaki filled up the apartment. Taeyeon grabbed utensils from the drawer before
retiring to the floor table. Her mouth watered when Yuri brought the food over.
Soda tabs popped and Taeyeon gulped down caffeinated sugar as she shoveled food into her
mouth. So many consecutive days of ramyun and instant oven meals had made her appreciate the
unhealthiness of take out food and all its deliciousness.
Is she even feeding you properly? Yuri joked, throwing her a napkin to clean her face.
She was the one over groceries. She had seriously been slacking. Ive been lazy.
Your pantry is empty. Yuri caught her.
Taeyeon hid herself in another bite after she promised to take a trip to the store before Jessica got
back.
Stomach full, Taeyeon sat back on her hands. The food had made her sleepy. Her eyes started to
droop as she looked up at the ceiling light above them. How late was it now?
"How are you two?" Yuris voice brought her back into the moment.
Folding her arms onto the table, Taeyeon wanted to say the same as always but recently things
had started to feel off. Like a storm brewing in the distance that Taeyeon could already feel
coming in her bones.
She had turned a blind eye to the feeling weeks back but after rent was paid off and much needed
groceries were bought, it had crept back into her peripheral vision.
"We're okay."
"Are you?"
Taeyeon nodded, but she could tell Yuri was unconvinced.
Taeyeon looked away, stabbing at left over crumbs and sauce with a finger. Sitting there with
Yuri made her think of their first year in high school and how Yuri would always question how
things were with them.

48
Yuri told her she was thankful to Taeyeon. She gave Jessica the soil for her roots to embed
themselves. Apparently Jessica had always been like the slippery soap you could never grip your
hands onto. She flitted around, flailing and searching for a place that she could stand firmly
upon. It wasnt until Taeyeon that she finally found a foundation to steady herself upon.
Taeyeon's home became a place of refuge in Jessica's biggest transitional period, which was part
of why they ended up together. Jessica came to trust Taeyeon in a way Yuri hadn't seen her do
with anyone but herself or Donghae in years.
Jessica trusted her but she also believed in Taeyeon - that she would always be there, always
keep her word, always be a constant in the ever changing world that shifted plates violently
beneath her feet.
After a while it turned from Taeyeon asking Yuri about Jessica to Yuri asking Taeyeon.
"She loves me, but she's in love with you."
Taeyeon had choked when Yuri had said that. Jessica was not the kind to drop that phrase. It was
locked up tightly, reserved only for those rare moments when Taeyeon caught those round eyes
staring at her from across the room before they were in her face with a kiss to the lips and a
hushed confession.
"How are you?"
"Okay. Yuri narrowed her eyes and Taeyeon diverted her attention to picking up the mess they
had made. Its always been like this.
Jessica coming and going. Taeyeon schooling. It was a routine. It was the norm. It was their life.
It was their temporary hell before the pasture of greener grass on the otherside.
"I'm worried."
"We're okay. Trust me."
"I think I do too much."
Taeyeon pushed on a smile. She didnt want to talk about it much longer. If she did, shed start
thinking. And thinking too much lately left her in a depressive funk. Theyd have to revisit the
discussion another time when there wasnt a threat roaming the streets keeping her and the one
she loved apart and Taeyeon was feeling a little more stable than now.
Picking up most of the mess, Taeyeon took it away to the kitchen. Dishes rinsed and trash
thrown away, she returned to lean up against the doorframe into the living room where Yuri
popped open another drink. Something like sadness crept into Taeyeon and suddenly she didnt
want to be left alone.

49
"Do you want to stay the night?"
Yuris lashes fluttered in surprise. Taeyeon never asked her to do things like that. It was always
Jessica suggesting and making Taeyeon accept it.
Really?
Taeyeon nodded.
Yuri smiled just as the phone rang.
Taeyeon snatched the cord phone off its cradle by the door and brought it to her ear. Hello?
May I speak to Kim Taeyeon?
This is her.
Taeyeon listened, mouth falling open as she listened to the woman excitedly speaking through
the receiver. She hardly heard anything past the first two lines and quickly tried to catch up when
she realized a question was being asked.
"Uh, yes, immediately. I can immediately."
A few more excited sentences and the call ended. Taeyeon laid the phone back into its cradle.
"Who was it?"
I got the job. Taeyeon beamed.
Yuri blinked, confused. You got a job?
I got the job!
-/-/-/Taeyeon nearly screamed when someone grabbed hold of her backpack and yanked.
She stumbled into one of the faculty bathrooms, world whirling as her kidnapper spun her around
to shut and lock the door.
When she saw blonde, she relaxed.
What the hell, Jessica?
I didnt mean to scare you.

50
Taeyeon gulped in air, fighting to calm her racing heart. The way Jessica was looking at her all
smiles and warm eyes wasnt helping. She licked her lips, running a hand over her bangs to tame
them back into place. Jessicas grin still remained.
Taeyeon looked down at herself, blushing slightly. Whenever Jessica looked at her like that it
made her feel a little self-conscious. Being that she hadnt seen Jessica in days only for her to
pop up to stare at Taeyeon like she was the best damn thing on this god forsaken planet was
making her knees weak and her stomach flutter.
What? Whats wrong with you?
Teeth shined as her smile grew. Delicate fingers removed a stray strand of hair from her
eyebrow. Suddenly Taeyeon realized how close Jessica was. "Is there something you want to tell
me?"
No?
Are you sure? The fingers in her hair smoothed along the curve of her ear, nails tickling at the
sensitive skin just behind it. Taeyeon shivered as her mind clicked into place.
"How do you know?"
"I know everything about you, Kim Taeyeon."
A chill soared through Taeyeon despite the irritation she felt knowing Yuri had spilt the beans
before she had the chance to tell Jessica herself.
"My sexy, working girlfriend."
Jessica pulled her closer, lip biting into her bottom lip. Their bodies pressed together and
Taeyeon melted into the contact. So maybe some good was coming out of Yuri telling the news
early. She just wished she wasnt getting hot and bothered by her happy as shit girlfriend in the
middle of a dirty bathroom.
Just thinking of you in all those blazers Jessicas face dipped into her neck where teeth
nipped her skin. Taeyeon closed her eyes against the sensation it brought, but it was soon ruined
by the smell of something strong and musky.
"Did he bring you? I can still smell him all over you." One thing Taeyeon remembered about
Donghae. He was sometimes a little too generous with his cologne.
Jessica lifted from her neck only to press her lips against the side of Taeyeons face. As she
spoke, hot breath spilt all over her skin. "We can go to the locker room and fix that."
"What?" Taeyeon's mind hazed over with the thought of it. Her body thrummed, craving
Jessica's touch. "No. We can't- wait. Did you just get here?"

51

"No. You walked past me after second period." It was fourth that they had class together.
"Where?"
"The office. You were walking with Sunny." Hands smoothed up along the small of her back.
Taeyeon suddenly forgot what she was going to ask regarding Jessica and offices. "Did you tell
her you're working now?"
"Not yet," a kiss pressed to the corner of her mouth.
"Are you sure you don't want to go to the locker room?" Jessica drew Taeyeons lip into her
mouth, giving it a suck. Instinctively, Taeyeons hips pushed against Jessica. She could feel the
smirk of victory on her girls lips. Or we can wait until after-
Taking Jessica by the wrist, Taeyeon led them through the halls, heat burning in her chest as
Jessica snickered in triumph behind her.
-/-/-/Shock hit Hayeons face before the confusion set in.
Taeyeon fiddled with the cuff of her too-big hoodie, wiping the clammy sweat from her palms
off on the cloth inside. When she had left, she hadnt just left her parents. She had left her sister
too, and though Hayeon never said anything, Taeyeon knew she was angry with her.
She hoped one day they could talk, just the two of them. But for that to happen, one would have
to admit that they had hurt the other and neither were too keen on laying down the pride first.
Are mom and dad home?
She answered by opening the door.
Taeyeon kicked off her rundown Vans by the door and stepped inside. The same foreign feeling
she had felt when she visited for dinner weeks ago came back. She had grown up in this house
for fourteen years and with a single moment she had no longer felt like it was home. She was
stranger in this household. A ghost with distant memories of laughter and heartache stored up in
a vault too painful to reopen.
Who was at the- Her dads words are cut off when he saw Taeyeon step into the living room.
Oh. Taeyeon.
The volume on the TV turned down from a remote in her mothers hand. Whatre you doing
here?
She scratched at an imaginary itch on the back of her neck. What confidence she had come with

52
had shed itself at the door. Can I sit?
She moved to the closest chair at the motion of her fathers hand. Remembering her upbringing,
Taeyeon sat up, hands in her scuffed jeans lap.
They watched her with careful eyes. To them she probably looked like she was about to
announce that she was pregnant. At least that's what most parents with daughters her age,
skipped off to live with their significant others would think. In their minds they were probably
hoping she had finally seen the light and decided to come back home.
Is anything wrong?
She shook her head.
It was pitiful how revealing anything to her parents after Jessica made her feel like everything
after that would have the same explosive effect.
She could remember that morning clearly:
Her mother coming into her room to find the two cuddled too close to be only friends in her bed.
It probably wouldnt have gone down hill from there if they had known Jessica was over. But she
had snuck over and most of her clothes were still left discarded on the floor beside the bed.
Taeyeon had rushed to put on something more decent before going downstairs on her mother's
request.
They sat her down like all the times they had done before asking her if something was going on.
That time they demanded.
That time Taeyeon told them the truth.
That was the first time she had ever felt the full disappointment of her parents.
Even to this day, it still made Taeyeon want to cry when she thought about it.
Sweetheart? Her dads voice drew her back into the present.
Taeyeon took a breath. I got a job.
She saw relief on her mother match the intensity of confusion on her dad. She was right. They
thought it had been something worse.
Its only part-time, she went on. In the background, she could see Hayeon idling in the kitchen
to eavesdrop. Its a clothing store in the mall.

53
What about exams? Shouldnt you be using this time to study?
They know Im still in school. So her schedule so far looked pretty lenient. They were
probably hoping shed still be around after graduation to give her more hours.
A part of her felt guilty knowing that shed probably be gone in a few months, but the amount
shed earn in the short time was just enough for her to feel like she was doing something towards
their future.
I wanted you to know.
Her mother let out a disapproving sigh. If you were still at home, you wouldnt have to be
stretch yourself so thin.
I can do this, mom.
You may very well, but you shouldn't have to.
Im not asking for your permission. Taeyeons jaw set.
She had debated whether or not to let them know. The Taeyeon who still loved her parents very
much and wanted them to remain in her life had driven her to take the trip to tell them in person.
It only felt right. It felt like a moment for another building block to be placed on the wrecked
structure that was their relationship.
We appreciate you coming to tell us. Her dads voice was tight, but he said no more.
Taeyeon took that as time to go. She got up.
Were going out for dinner.
Taeyeon declined with the shake of her head. One step at a time. She couldnt handle another
disaster dinner just yet.
So she left.
-/-/-/A knock on the door, Taeyeon rose from the table littered with snacks, drinks, and textbooks to
go answer it.
"Sorry, I'm late." Sunny waddled in with a heavy book bag and a grocery sack of soda.
Taeyeon thanked her. What they needed was caffeine. All the alcohol Sooyoung had snuck over
would make her sleepy.

54
"Where's Blondie?"
"Out." Taeyeon answered vaguely.
Whatever Sunny wanted to say died in her throat when her eyes fell on Sooyoung, legs cramped
beneath Taeyeon's floor table, chewing on a stick of pocky.
"Who let the monkey in?"
"Enjoy the top of my head while you can, shrimp." Sooyoung bantered back.
Taeyeon missed the next exchange while she went to grab more ice from the kitchen. Returning,
she placed the bucket to the side and situated herself across from Yuri and next to Sunny.
That had ditched the karaoke bar for the night in exchange for an evening of studying. Though
Sooyoung wasn't a part of their school, entrance exams were the bane of everyone's existence
and brought people together more than bars and beers.
"Why don't we come here more often?" Asked Sooyoung, smacking loudly.
"Because the snow queen also lives here."
"I don't think Sica would mind." Yuri glanced at Taeyeon.
She shrugged in response. Company wasn't something they always allowed. At first it was
because Jessica was ashamed about where she lived.
It was a shabby apartment with even more questionable residence. It laid in an obscure part of
town in a building where the walls moaned and whined through the night due to bad pipes.
Months of re-sale shops and yard sales, they had turned the wallpaper chipping, water stained
ceiling box of an apartment into something not too short of homey. The first time they let anyone
visit other than Yuri, Jessica had been so nervous Taeyeon thought she'd combust. It was the first
time Taeyeon realized how much Jessica wanted this.
She had realized then how much Jessica wanted the house, the girl, the routine of day to day
living in a place where friends could come and go and feel welcome. She wanted somewhere
unlike the home she had come from or the one Taeyeon had left. She wanted it to be filled with
the vibe that, once you step through that door, no one inside would let you down.
Taeyeon didn't think she could've fallen for Jessica anymore. That day, she did.
I like cats.
All heads jerked up to Yuri whose nose was buried in her English book, brow furrowed.

55
What? Sunny asked.
Yuri shook her head, tossing her translation homework across the table. "I can't handle anymore
of this."
"I vote for a break." Piped Sooyoung.
Taeyeon rubbed the back of her neck. "It's only been half an hour."
Its been longer than that. I second vote for a break." Sunny dropped her pencil. Taengoo?"
"I guess we should."
"Break!" Sooyoung sang.
"Thank god," Yuri laid back to sprawl along the carpet. "English is killing me."
"Hey, Taeng, where're your cups?" Sunny called from the kitchen.
Getting up, Taeyeon stretched. By the time she got to the kitchen, Sunny was already pouring
warm soda into a glass of ice.
"Come out on the balcony with me?"
The air was cold. Taeyeon hoped Jessica wore a jacket.
"Here."
Taeyeon took the card from Sunny's fingers. It was the business card of an advisor from a
university not too far away. Her eyebrow quirked.
"I went to check it out last week. They're not really for me, but I think you'll do well enough to
get in."
"Sunny..."
"I know, I know," she turned to lean her back against the railing. "You plan to hitchhike out of
here but I want you to really think it over, Taeyeon."
The sound of her full name, Taeyeon turned up to find Sunny staring right back at her. It had
been too long since Sunny looked at her like that. They had gotten away from talking the way
they used to.
"Your parents aren't the most supportive of you two but they support you. Give them a little time
and maybe they'll come around about everything. I just don't want to see you going to the States
and ending up miserable."

56

"I wont be miserable." Not with Jessica, she believed. They had a dream of forever together.
Right now it might not look glamorous but she had to believe one day theyd have it all. If they
both kept working hard, they could have it all.
"What happened to the Taeyeon I knew who used to daydream about being a doctor, or teacher,
or some other basic lame shit they glamorized for us in kid school? You're so focused on Jessica
that you've forgotten who you are." Sunny let out a breath, voice dipping in a way that told
Taeyeon she really didnt want to say the next thing. "That's my problem with her. I don't know
who you are anymore...I don't even know if you do."
"I..." Taeyeon trailed off. Her throat tightened up. She could feel the lump forming and she
fought against it. Thats not true.
"We're your family too, okay? I don't want you to give up on yourself because of some girl."
"Shes not just some girl. I'm in love with Jessica.
"Does she really love you?"
"Yes."
"Then where is she?"
The lump in her throat was replaced with a clench of anger. She didnt want to do this with
Sunny now. Not when her wounds were fresh and her mind had already been swimming in the
realm of doubt and questions. She wished Jessica would come home and kiss her with the
passion and power to reassure her of everything.
"You don't really know her."
"But I know you. What has she done for you?"
Taeyeon's jaw tightened. Jessica did so much for her. For them.
"What has she done for you that you couldn't yourself? Sunny continued. Or that we could?"
"We're not twelve anymore. What I wanted then is different now."
"And what is that?"
There was nothing for Taeyeon to say.
"I love you, Taeyeon. If I didn't, I wouldnt be saying any of this." Sunny's eyes were glossy with
unshed tears. "Remember that."

57
The back door slid open. Sunny turned to face out while Taeyeon blinked back her own angry
tears to see Yuri poking her head outside.
"Am I interrupting?"
Taeyeon shook her head. "We're done."
Sliding the door back into place, Yuri paced out to them. She leaned up against the railing, newly
lit cigarette in hand.
Sunny fidgeted with a sun faded lawn chair. Unfolding it, she placed it on the opposite end of the
balcony and sat down.
The peace was disrupted by Sooyoung, long legs flying up into the air as she fell into Sunny's
lap. The short girl fussed, but not even the darkness of the night could hide the way her cheeks
tinted pink when Sooyoung threw an arm around her shoulder to steady herself.
"Ten more minutes then back inside." Said Taeyeon.
Mumbles of half hearted agreement met her as she sank down to sit up against the sliding glass
door.
She stared out across the buildings around them, eyes hazing with smoke and thoughts.
It didn't pass her how different things were between the people around her now and how they
were with Jessica.
Her life with Sunny and the others was so constant. It was warm and predictable. It was like
leaving the oven on low, letting the heat seep in slowly until eyes drooped and you found
yourself whisked into a cradling slumber of familiarity.
Her life with Jessica was just the opposite. It was unpredictable. It kept her on her feet, always
wondering, always questioning, always waiting. With Jessica it was like being handed a treasure
map with no dotted line to follow. Only an X and no knowledge of the terrain needed to trek to
reach it.
Jessica was adventure. Jessica tasted like inevitably. Jessica forced her to dream and hope and
step out on sheer faith alone.
But time was ticking and Taeyeon found herself wondering as the clock reached five minutes
past the ten they were only supposed to have.
She started to wonder if the leaning tower beneath their feet would ever right itself. She
wondered if the heat would simmer down from making them go, go, go so they could finally just
rest.

58
She started to wonder if the nails they were hammering into the foundation would bring stability.
Because the future scared Taeyeon to death and the closer they neared the end, the more she
could hear her parents voices in her head.
"There's no future for you with her."
Taeyeon feared it was true.
"We're never going to finish studying are we?" Asked Yuri, putting out her cigarette.
She feared it was true because that would mean for her to go anywhere past this nothingness of
unpredictability....she wouldn't be able to take Jessica with her.
-/-/-/She hadnt quite fallen asleep when she heard the front door open.
Tired eyes watched Jessica through the bedroom door. She was in something black and fitted,
hair tied up high so the end of her ponytail brushed the back of a leather jacket draped over her
shoulders.
Taeyeon watched as she picked up a beer bottle and sniffed it before placing it away to pick at
note papers and note cards left from the study session.
High heels clinked as she walked for the room only to stop short of it. Though the couch was out
of sight, Taeyeon knew Jessica was staring over at Sunny who was wrapped in blankets asleep
there. She had insisted on staying over unwilling to let Taeyeon go to sleep alone.
She appreciated the sentiment but it wouldve been better if the two hadnt avoided eye contact
for the remainder of the evening.
"Don't wake her."
She saw Jessica startle at the sound of her voice. She finished the distance to the room, pulling
the door to.
"Fun party?" She asked, shedding the jacket.
Up close she got a better look at it. The buttons were gold while the inside was red satin. It was
one Taeyeon had never seen before. Fingering at it, she could tell the leather was real and new.
Very, very new.
She wondered what was written on the card this time.
"Where have you been?"

59

"Working?"
"Youve missed a lot. And a quiz."
Jessica's hand paused a moment before it continued its path undoing the zipper on the back of her
dress. It didn't pass her the last time she remembered Jessica was at school she had been in this
very same state, clothes slowing being taken off before being pushed beneath a shower stream
during their fourth period.
"The others missed you tonight, too."
"You know I don't like a lot of company."
Taeyeon sighed. "If you don't come to class at least study with us."
"I study better alone."
"Jessica, you don't study at all."
Freshly plucked eyebrows lifted at her. "Are you mad at me?"
"I'm...worried." Jessica scoffed, shimmying out of her dress. That set Taeyeon off. "I'm serious. I
know you only come around for me, but we made a promise that we'd both graduate."
"I'm doing the best I can."
"Not with this." Taeyeon heard Sunny's words in her head again. She shook them away. "I can't
keep pulling weight for you."
Jessica paused. Is that what you think this is?
Taeyeon dropped her eyes before bringing them back up. "We need to start talking about what
we're going to do."
Jessica's shoulders went rigid. "We know what we're going to do. We're going to leave together."
"Where?"
"Somewhere away from here."
"With what money?"
"You know I've been saving and now that you're work-"
"In what apartment? What job? What university?" Taeyeon pressed. She could see Jessicas jaw

60
tighening with each question. "We can't keep putting this off. I don't want to do this blind."
"We still have time."
"There isn't much-"
"All you need to know right now is that we'll be together. Jessica smoothed a hand down the
side of Taeyeons face. We take it slow. Start off just you and me.
"Is that enough?"
Jessicas hand dropped. Taeyeon saw her walls flare up behind the hardness in her eyes. They
wouldn't get anywhere tonight. "I'm tired.
"Shower. I'll wait."
Dont bother. Jessica got up.
Taeyeon's eyes followed her away into the bathroom.
Falling back against the pillows, she sighed.
She wanted to believe Jessica was right, but she knew it wasn't enough.
-/-/-/Taeyeon didnt hate her job, but weekdays when time dragged on with hardly any customers
made it hard to appreciate.
It was her restless energy that had them assign her to the floor, but for the moment she was
covering the register while her co-worker ran off to make an important phone call.
Come see us again! Taeyeon sang a little too enthusiastic as she handed over the bag to the
customer. The woman smiled at her with pity as if she knew just how bored Taeyeon was and
hated to leave her alone.
She wished she had brought her DS. But there was a strict no-electronics policy so Taeyeon
couldnt even message Jessica. So she waited behind the counter, folding receipt paper into tiny,
lopsided origami creations with three hours to go.
Thanks for covering.
Taeyeon perked up and stepped away from the register as her co-worker slipped back behind the
counter.
Her name was Tiffany and Taeyeon had been given the privilege of being trained by her instead

61
of their manager who spent most of her time firing off gossip on the work phone in the back like
a catty, teenage girl.
She learned early on that Tiffany was loud and flashy. Even her hair was some interesting shade
of red. Taeyeon questioned her choice in what she believed was poodle inspired fashion, but
somehow she made it work. Only Tiffany.
Leaving the counter, Taeyeon made her rounds through the store. There were only a few shirts
left unfolded by the handful of customers who had passed through an a couple items hung up in
the wrong places.
Taeyeon righted everything before checking in the dressing rooms to return what was left to their
proper racks. She had half a mind to start sweeping when Tiffany waved for her across the store.
Huh?
Nothing. Im bored.
Taeyeon rolled her eyes but joined Tiffany behind the counter. Digging through a drawer,
Tiffany found a half finished crossword and pulled it out. Taeyeons eyes caught sight of keys
overstuffed with keychains before it closed.
Youre in college? She asked off the university keychain she saw.
Tiffany nodded and riddled off where she went. Taeyeon recognized the name from the business
card Sunny had given her.
That was the other RA on the phone. They brought the drug dogs in and found something.
Tiffany scribbled letters into the boxes on the crossword. I hate dealing with that.
Checking the front, Taeyeon pushed herself up to sit on the counter. Do you...like it there?
A shrug. Its my third year so I cant complain.
Taeyeon chewed on her lip, shaking her head to Tiffanys question if she knew the answer to one
of the riddles. A part of her wanted to forget about asking Tiffany and just get Sunny to go with
her. But Sunny had left a bad taste in the back of her mouth made all the more bitter by Jessica
that night.
Hows the campus?
Tiffany grinned over her shoulder. Taeyeon fidgeted, embarrassed. Theres a small get together
tonight. Do you want to come? You can look around if you want.
Uh, yeah...yeah, okay.

62
Tiffany smiled. Give me your number and Ill text you the details after work.
Slipping off the counter, Taeyeon jotted everything down one on of the receipt papers. Tiffany
took it and stuffed it into her pocket just as someone entered the store.
The two smiled at each other. Back to work.
-/-/-/She almost told the cab driver to turn around when they pulled up to the entrance of a marina.
Um she lifted a finger for the driver to give her a minute as she phoned Tiffany.
Hey! She answered, brightly. Are you here? Ill come find you.
Tiffany was all smiles and eyebrows as she came up to meet Taeyeon where she waited at the
end of the dock. Even in a baggy sweater and tights, Tiffany had a way of looking attractive. It
mustve been a gift Taeyeon did not posses though Jessica did. Or maybe she was biased.
Sorry about the change in location. Tiffany frowned. She looked genuinely sorry. I know you
wanted to get a look around campus, but I can take you another time. Do you mind staying? I can
understand if you dont.
Taeyeon shook her head. She had taken all that time coming out. Might as well stay.
This way. Tiffany beamed. Taeyeon fell into step with her. I promise theyre nice.
They walked the long stretch of the dock past fishing boats and sailing vessels. Taeyeon grew
steadily more worried at what she had gotten herself into when she realized Tiffany was taking
them towards a loan boat at the very end of the port.
She gazed at the houseboat in amazement as they rounded to the side where they could step on.
Tiffany was the first. She offered Taeyeon a hand and hoisted her up and over.
You don't get seasick do you?
Taeyeon shook her head. At least she didnt think she did. She couldn't remember the last time
she had been on a boat.
Following Tiffany through a door, Taeyeons amazement only expanded when she was presented
with the warmth of a living room. It was like stepping into a house, only one-fourth of the size.
The living room, kitchen, and dining area were all one elongated room furnished with all the
essentials.
If she kept going, shed find the restroom and two living quarters with beds big enough for two.

63
Everyone, this is Taeyeon.
A chorus of greetings came her way. Taeyeon offered a stiff bow and a wave.
She learned the houseboat belonged to the guy with the ruffled hair, Nichkhun - or his parents
rather.
She learned the other two names in a blur. American names - Henry and Nicole - they went
along with the English phrases they spouted off between chunks of Korean. Taeyeon could only
understand a few of them, but what was said in her native tongue gave her the gist of
conversation. Unlike Jessica whose parents forced her into taking English lessons rigorously
through her life, Taeyeon had just above B+ in the subject.
Do you want anything to drink? Asked Tiffany from over by the kitchen area. Everything was
close and compact in this place. She opened the fridge, disappearing behind the door. Theres
beer, pop, a few water bottles, some juice...
Taeyeon surveyed what the others had. Beers and wine coolers were clutched in hands and
seated around a platter of chips and dip. She didnt want to look even more out of place.
Beer. It had been a while since she had one. Jessica hated the taste. Wine was more her fancy.
What kind? We have Tiffany riddled off a few brands and Taeyeon answered one at
random.
She watched Tiffanys rear sway in the air as she bent to pick one out of the fridge drawer. She
turned away, cheeks burning a bit, before she could get caught.
Wheres the opener, Khun?
A set of keys soared through the air just missing Taeyeons nose. Tiffany popped off the top with
ease and Taeyeon took the bottle by the neck and took a sip. Her nose twitched at the taste, but it
would do. Shed get used to it as the night went on.
How do you know Tiff? Asked Nichkhun, who was sorting through a stack of DVDs with
Henry.
We work together.
I helped her in training. Tiffany smiled down at her from where she sat perched on the armrest
of the couch next to her.
So twice the discounts? Nicoles eyebrows lifted, eyes hopeful.
Tiffany made a face. At least get to know her before you use her.

64
Nicole shrugged and sipped at whatever was in her glass. How old are you?
Eighteen. She stuttered out. Nicoles eyebrows shot up while Nichkhun casted Tiffany a
glance that could only be read as why did she allow this kid in.
Your parents are okay with you being here?
I...dont live with my parents.
Henry looked over then, eyes checking with Tiffany for confirmation, but she looked just as
taken aback as the others. I didnt know that.
Alone?
No. It was all she offered, but it seemed like enough. It didnt feel right to divulge her personal
life to them. They hardly knew her and she didnt need more people to leave behind knowing a
little too much about her.
Tiffany slid off the armrest to sit right up against her. She smelt expensive and dangerous. Two
things Taeyeon thought the first time she laid eyes on Jessica.
Well have to have a party there next time. Tiffanys eyes bowed into lovely crescents. She
sipped at her wine cooler and Taeyeon could smell it off her breath. She started to feel hot
trapped under eyes and Tiffanys closeness.
So, what are we going to watch?
Just like that, attention diverted. Conversation went back into argument of which horror movie to
put in. They ended up making Taeyeon the unbiased tiebreaker.
She felt a little bad when Henry and Nicole groaned at her decision. Though, even if Tiffan
hadn't cheated by whispering what she wanted to watch in her ear, she still wouldve picked it.
The cover looked cooler.
Nichkhun rewarded her with a high five while Tiffany ruffled her hair in a way that shouldve
been humiliating but only made her feel like she had been accepted into the affection of this little
crew.
They reminded her of the others. A distant memory crept back in where Taeyeon had imagined
that the five of them would always be together. That theyd always have the karaoke bar. That
their bond was something the would transcend the usual fate of dissolve after high school.
Taeyeon ached. She still wanted that.
A few more faces trickled in and Taeyeon excused herself off to the restroom. Not wanting to
impose anymore, she slipped out the side door where she climbed up to the top deck.

65

Cold wind off the waters blew back into her face clearing away the stuffiness of being trapped
inside. Her body slowly cooled down, nerves easing away along with the small buzz the few
bottles of beer she had left in her.
She stood out there long enough for the cold to sink into her bones and wish Jessica was there to
keep her warm. It had been a long time since they got out to do anything together like this. If she
closed her eyes, Taeyeon could imagine the way Jessicas eyes wouldve glossed over as she
gazed out along the waters.
We could have this. She could heard Jessicas voice on the wind.
Found you.
Tiffany appeared, leaning against the rail beside her. Taeyeon gave her a sorry smile. She had
nearly forgotten the reason she was even on this boat.
You werent uncomfortable were you?
Taeyeon shook her head. The suffocating feeling she had gotten being trapped in that small room
had little to do with the people and more to do with herself. Of realizing that what Tiffany had
here - what she had just across town - would soon fade away for her.
After leaving her parents, Taeyeon had learned so much on her friends. Thinking about a life
without them, of having to let them go, choked her up. It scared her. The big, bad world beyond
it all...it terrified her.
Whatre you thinking about?
My friends. Taeyeon admitted.
If theyre good ones, theyll stay around.
Taeyeon forced on a smile. They werent the ones who were leaving. She was.
Are you ready to go? Asked Tiffany. Taeyeon nodded in response. Wait here, Ill get my
jacket. We can leave together.
She listened to Tiffanys footsteps as they faded away along the deck.
-/-/-/The cold, night breeze had left Taeyeon awake, but Tiffanys presence beside her in the cab had
rendered her contemplative. She had offered to see Taeyeon all the way home, but she insisted
Tiffany be dropped off first. Taeyeon wasnt ready for her to see where she lived just yet.

66
Out of the cab, Taeyeon started up the flights of stairs up to the apartment. Being with Tiffany
and her friends left her with the need to feel Jessica against her skin and an evening in the
karaoke bar with all of them together. If only because days were numbered.
Keys jingled as she pulled them out of her pocket. Last couple of steps, Taeyeon yawned. It was
late enough for her to know Jessica was probably already back home.
Rounding the corner, Taeyeon caught sight of a woman standing in front of her apartment door,
fingers on the knob as if she were trying to get inside.
Taeyeon panicked.
Can I help you?
A hand flipped long, thick, black hair back as the woman turned to face her. The clothes she
wore were just as black as her hair, all the way down to the shoes on her feet.
The woman regarded Taeyeon with a long look. Is this your apartment?
Yes. Taeyeon narrowed her eyes. Something about this woman made her uneasy. Maybe it
was the look in her eye. Something predatory and sharp. Who are you?
A smile pulled on the womans lips. Pardon me.
Bowing slightly, she slipped by Taeyeon and out of sight.
Taeyeon tried the knob, checking if it was locked before using her key to let herself in. Her feet
took her straight into the bedroom where Jessica laid fast asleep.
Sitting on the bed, Taeyeon let out a sigh, hand smoothing along Jessicas hair. With the turn of
her head, Jessica kissed at the inside of Taeyeons wrist before her eyes split open to tiny slits.
Come to bed.
Taeyeon threw off everything, leaving it in a pile to be dealt with in the morning.
Jessica gravitated towards her once she finally settled. Bare skin met naked flesh an Taeyeon
pulled until they were flush together - heat meeting heat and heartbeat meeting heartbeat.
I love you. Taeyeon said into her hair.
She felt Jessica stiffen before she felt the kiss touch at the place just above her collar.
Taeyeon returned it with a kiss to her hair.
This was all she needed. For now.

67

Part IV
Time winded down and Taeyeon gave up.
When Jessica didnt wake up after being poked and prodded by a rushing Taeyeon in the
morning, she shouldve known she wasnt going to make a show. Still, she waited until the last
minute to finish the rest of the problems and rush up to turn everything in.
Cutting it close, Ms. Kim.
Taeyeon ignored the instructors jab and quickly doubled back to grab her bag to head out where
Yuri waited for her just outside the door. They fell into step to walk together before having to
split off.
Taeyeon?
She just had to look at Yuri to know what she was thinking. Taeyeon was trying not to.
Ill talk to her about it. But if talking ever did anything, Jessica would be in her seat more days
of the week than out.
It wasnt like Jessica was avoiding work because she didnt understand it. A couple hours
studying, she could grasp a new concept out of a book without even having to be taught. She just
lacked the drive to apply herself. She had done too much of that growing up. With a taste of
freedom, making her own rules and answering to no one, it was just too hard for her to find
disciple in something so redundant again.
"This is what I meant when I said I was worried."
They passed by the office and Taeyeons eye caught a poster pinned to the wall. Something
about studying abroad and other information meant to encourage the senior years to take their
futures by the horns and go with it. Her conversation with Sunny on the balcony hit her then,
intensifying the fact Jessica had missed a test and had been missing more school than normal.
Taeyeon ducked away.
Wherere you going? Yuri called after.
She ignored Yuri and hurried along to join a group of athletic girls headed towards the gym.
Their numbers were large enough for Taeyeon to go unnoticed as they slipped off into the gym
and she detoured to the right out one of the school side doors.
She had snuck out with Jessica a few times but never alone. Years of routine academia had
instilled a sense of commitment into Taeyeon she could not shake. It always felt wrong to her,

68
even in those moments alone tucked away into janitor closets or locker rooms with Jessica made
her a little uneasy.
Clearing the street, Taeyeon jogged the rest of the way until she knew she was safe enough away
from campus eyes. Her roughed up shoes beat out an old path never traveled any longer. The
shortcut was only one she took when she wasnt going to meet up with the others at the karaoke
bar - the one she would take when it was her turn to help make dinner and was running a bit late
because Jessica wouldnt let her go until the last minute.
Her old neighborhood came into view with a wave of nostalgia.
Taeyeon had forced herself to stop thinking about this place when she left. Recently the longing
for her mothers advice and her dads encouragement had been gnawing at her.
This lost and confused stage of transition and unknown had started to keep her up at night. And
where Jessica being beside her with the dream of leaving forever together used to settle her, it
had now started to terrify her.
Crouching by the porch, Taeyeon picked up the little stone decorative frog and shook it until the
spare key fell out. It was cold on her fingers as she slipped it into the lock and let herself in. Heat
rushed out of the house bringing the old small of home - the one she had grown up with. For a
moment, Taeyeon allowed herself to feel at ease within it.
The door clicked into place behind her and her head swiveled to the right to the small table by
the door. She poked through the things sitting on top of it. Junk mail. Taeyeon figured when her
mother mentioned those college letters that she had only put them out for the day she knew
Taeyeon would be over.
Honey?
Taeyeon froze in the sitting room. The light pads of her mothers footsteps rose from the back
bedroom and faltered once they breached the threshold.
Taeyeon?
Taeyeons eyes were slow to look over at her. Had it been years before her leave, her mother
would have scolded her and sent her off back to school. Now she only looked baffled and misty
eyed. Taeyeon blinked away.
What brings you here?
Taeyeons hand tightened on the strap of her bag. She was trying to avoid seeing anyone. She
wanted to slip in, grab those letters, and slip out without being detected.

69
Something in her said she couldve grabbed the pamphlets from school, but Sunny had already
dropped most of them into her locker, which she threw away after giving a glance over. She
needed something new. Something Jessica couldnt wave away.
Do you- Where- She stuttered then stopped. Her nerves twitched as her mother walked further
into the room. Taeyeon felt trapped all of a sudden and she didnt know why. She licked her lips.
Is there mail for me?
Asking it out loud was a little stab at her pride. The way her mothers eyebrows lifted up in
surprise only made it worse.
Are you eating alright? She asked, avoiding the question. Taeyeon knew why. Stalling was the
only way her mom knew how to keep her from walking out on her again.
Taeyeon picked at her long sleeved shirt. It hung off her body almost a size too big. She
shrugged in reply. There was no reason to tell her mother that they may not always eat the
healthiest, but she always made sure there was food on the table. It was one thing Taeyeon would
never let them go without.
If theres no mail Ill leave.
Wait.
Taeyeon stood by awkwardly.
"You shouldn't skip school."
"It's lunch." She lied. Both pairs of eyes flickered to the clock.
"Is she with you?"
Taeyeons eyebrow quirked. "Who?"
Her mother pursed her lips.
Jessica's name became the equivalent to a curse in their household. A single moment had
reshaped the entire framework in how they lived.
Taeyeon reasoned it would hurt less if they still addressed Jessica as another person. As the girl
that they used to worry over and ask Taeyeon when theyd see her next so she wouldnt have to
spend too many nights by herself in her lonely apartment. But in their minds they turned Jessica
into a thief that had snatched and tainted and damned their daughter into something they believed
she was not.
Turning, Taeyeon headed out.

70
"In the side table drawer. Her mother called after.
Feet stuttering at the doormat, Taeyeon stopped. She went back to the table by the door, yanking
each one out until the last. Beneath junk and lost and found trinkets, Taeyeon pulled out the
small stack of letters addressed to her and stuffed them into her backpack.
Wed like you to come for dinner again.
She looked back to see her mom leaning against the threshold. You invite me you invite her
too.
Her mothers jaw tightened.
Taeyeon let the door slam shut behind her.
-/-/-/Taeyeon tapped her foot as she folded up a shirt and placed it back into its rightful place.
Alternative rock played through the store speakers that reminded Taeyeon of middle school days
and faded band t-shirts that still hung in the closet of her old home. She sang along with the
tracks, making her way around to the back end of the store past TIffany who sang into a stapler
behind the register.
The song ended while Taeyeon reorganized a rack of jackets. She could hear Tiffany chime out
the usually greeting to a new customer. Taeyeon tried to make herself look as busy.
Hello again.
The sheer blouse in her hands dropped to the floor. Taeyeon hurried to pick it up before her eyes
landed fully on the woman speaking to her.
Uh." Taeyeon glanced back over her shoulder. "Hi?"
Lips pulled back into a smile that creased untrustworthy eyes. Taeyeon felt that same uneasy
chill run up her spine as fingers painted in red polish brushed back a strand of bangs.
I didnt think Id see you here.
I work here.
A finger pointed. Nametag.
Taeyeon looked down at the work lanyard hanging off her neck. Duh.
The woman smiled again and Taeyeon shifted.

71

She was in all black again. Tight, form fitting black. Even her sweater clung to her small frame.
The only thing that offset the scheme was the paleness of her skin and the apple red lipstick on
her mouth from the shade of her wide-brimmed hat.
She was walking chic with a voice as smooth as the leather of her boots.
She made Taeyeon feel inferior. Intimidated. Subconsciously, she combed a hand through her
own black hair hoping to tame it enough to look as luxurious as this womans. Even so, Taeyeon
still felt twenty bucks to this womans millions.
Is everything okay?
Y-yes. I- Taeyeon clicked her mouth shut. She was an employee first, suspicious apartment
resident later. May I help you with something?
The air shifted and the woman lifted up her hands that held a pair of scarves Taeyeon hadnt
noticed. I was wondering if I could get your opinion.
Huh? Oh."
The woman grinned, a little softer this time, and stepped close enough for Taeyeon to catch a
waft of her perfume. Intoxicating.
Which one do you prefer? Eyes shifted back to her before Taeyeon realized she was being
asked a question. She quickly diverted her attention to the merchandise.
Both scarves were black, but each had a different pattern and texture. To Taeyeon they were
basically the same.
So?
Taeyeon bit her lip. Are they for you?
A gift, the woman sighed, bringing her hands down to look at each in comparison, but Im not
sure which shed like more.
She. Taeyeons stomach felt strange from how she said it. The knitted one.
An eyebrow lift. Do you think so?
Itll be warmer.
Funny, she took the knitted one, wrapping it around her own neck, I didnt take her for
someone who wore things for their practical use.

72
Taeyeon watched her sidestep over to a mirror between the pants displays.
Whatever looks good on you will look good on her.
Do you think it looks good on me?
Taeyeons mouth floundered. The woman laughed lightly as she took the scarf off.
Thank you for your help. She bowed slightly and pulled away.
"Wait." Taeyeon almost didn't expect her to stop. But she did, neck craning to look back over her
shoulder. What were you doing at my apartment?
She shrugged simply. Wrong door.
Taeyeon narrowed her eyes. It was a lie and she knew it. The way an eyebrow lifted just slightly
over the womans eye, challenging her to ask more, made her back down.
Who are you?"
She gave that smile again with teeth showing between those colorful lips. "Goodbye."
Ringing up at the counter, she left with the knitted scarf in hand.
-/-/-/Five bodies were crowded into the booth, and for a little while, Taeyeon felt comfort.
Jessica and Sooyoung were up at the screen, each of their high voices singing out the usual duet
they did together. The song grated on Yuris nerves and Taeyeon had learned all the words
without looking at the screen by now, but it had been long since Jessica joined them all and even
Sooyoung was excited about seeing her.
Sooyoung screeched a sour note and Jessica hit her in the arm playfully. They laughed, missing
half the lines, but quickly recovered. Taeyeon allowed her eyes to wander from Sooyoungs
towering height to her girlfriend. It was cold as shit outside, but Jessica had been dead set on
wearing shorts. They were khaki and barely went to the middle of her thighs.
Perv alert. Sunny muttered next to her.
Taeyeon had the decency to blush though she had every right to check out her girl. It wasnt
every day she got to see her in action like this - laughing, joking, carefree. She still wasnt the
Jessica behind closed doors, the one Taeyeon knew was terrified of bugs and hated eating egg
yolks. But she was less guarded here. She appreciated the fact Jessica had allowed the others in.
Even if it was just a bit.

73
Youre actually smiling tonight, Sunny began again. Taeyeon noticed her hair was already
starting to reach past her shoulders.
She shrugged.
My turn! Yuri held her hand out for the mic and Jessica tossed it to her. Sooyoung plopped
herself onto Yuri who groaned. She swatted at her thigh to get up, but the start of the next song
distracted Yuri away from the discomfort. Taeyeon smirked at the pout Sunny made at the two.
Jessicas fingers slid into Taeyeons outstretched palm and she pulled her down to sit in her lap.
Fixing the light blue collar sticking out from her sweater, Taeyeon gave her it a tug until their
lips met. Something in the kiss lit a spark in her that could see mirrored in Jessicas eyes.
Get a room.
Join us? Jessica reached over to cup Sunnys cheek. Taeyeon swatted the hand away before
Sunny could even rise to do it herself.
Laughing, Jessica dipped her face into Taeyeons neck, nipping lightly at her pulsepoint as she
slide off to sit on the couch with legs draped over Taeyeons lap.
God, have you two always been this lovey?
Once, they stayed over and- A cushion in the face shut Yuri up but did nothing to erase her
lewd grin. Theyre insatiable.
Its not nice to tell our secrets, Yul. Said Jessica.
At least Im not telling them what you like to be called when Tae- Another pillow flew across
the room. Jessica touched a kiss to Taeyeons nose for saving their dignity.
Sunny covered her ears. Make it stop.
Jessica brushed her lips along Taeyeons cheek and she shivered.
She noticed it too. They didnt hide their affection from the others, but Taeyeon noticed just how
much Jessica touched her. She noticed how she herself couldn't - or didnt - want to take her
hands off Jessica tonight.
Im waiting for you to mount each other.
Want to watch? I knew our little Soonkyu was kinky.
Ugh!
Play nicely, Taeyeon whispered.

74

Can I play rough with you then?

Taeyeons face went hot.
She felt Jessicas hand push beneath her shirt. She sucked in a breath when a cold palm landed
on her stomach, rubbing lightly.
I can see that Yelled Sooyoung.
Can you see this too?
Taeyeon had only a chance to squeak before Jessica tugged her into a lip lock that knocked them
sprawled onto the couch. The assault of a pillow beat down on a cackling Jessica from the
disapproving hand of Sunny while Taeyeon covered her red face with her arms.
Jessica rose off of her to attack Sunny and Taeyeon rolled out of the way as a fight of pillows
broke out between the two before Sooyoung rushed over to jump on them.
Taeyeon sat back against the opposite armrest, laughing at Sooyoungs ridiculous attempt to get
the two to make up.
A pang of unsettling realization pulsed in Taeyeons stomach. The fact that this would soon be
gone came to her in a wave of sadness as Yuri got up, playing referee between the three to break
the bickering party up.
Taeng, save me! Jessica reached out to her from beneath Yuri who sat on her.
Getting up, Taeyeon went to push the heavy girl off before she could suffocate her girlfriend.
They all tumbled to the floor in one laughing heap with a knocked over bottle of soju spilling
onto the floor that no one rose to clean. Taeyeon rest her head against Sunnys stomach, eyes
peering up to catch Jessicas pouting face that Yuri poked a finger into.
Were getting too old for this. Said Sunny.
Youre so short no one will ever think youre more than twelve. Sunny flicked Sooyoung in
the forehead who laid half draped over her.
Fingers brushed against Taeyeons wrist and she opened her hand for Jessica to thread their
fingers together. Their eyes met and Taeyeon wondered if Jessica ever thought about all the
things they would leave behind. She wondered if the reason why Jessica never wanted to talk
about it was because the end terrified her as well.
Shouldnt we get up? Asked Jessica.
Just get the pillows. Yuri instructed, stretching up to grab the cushions they had thrown
around.

75
Smoke flowed over them once they settled and Taeyeon closed her eyes to the sound of
Sooyoung humming something curled up next to Sunny. A thumb stroked along her skin as
Jessica held on and Taeyeon started to feel that comforting feeling once again.
They might not have this forever, but for now, Taeyeon would soak up as much as she could get.
-/-/-/The air was charged. Everything was. Taeyeon could feel the current beneath her skin. From the
time they were kicked out the karaoke bar by Soojin to the moment Taeyeon led them back
home, her body had been alive and radiating.
They said nothing to each other as they began to dress down in the bedroom. Taeyeon had gotten
down to just her jeans when Jessica flicked off her shorts and kicked them into a pile of dirty
clothes beneath the window.
Like gravity, Taeyeon found herself walking around the bed to come up behind her. Jessica
jumped slightly when hands landed by her hips with cold knuckles brushing against her sides.
Taeyeon gripped the hem of her sweater and pulled up. Arms raised for it to get over her head
and Taeyeon circled her arms around Jessica to mess at the buttons of the shirt still left beneath.
Taeyeon held the shirt for Jessica to pull out of it and she turned around with fingers
meticulously working at the button and zipper of Taeyeons jeans. They left her body only to be
replaced by hands gliding up along her waist, along her abs, and around her back where she
easily undid clasps to rid of the last of her garments.
Taeyeon watched as Jessica did it. Watched Jessica remap her skin out with her fingertips,
reading her reactions and pulses like braille. It had been sometime since they had taken things
slowly like this. Where they had just stopped to focus and remember what and who it was they
had.
Reduced down to their barest, Taeyeon was reminded that the person who stood in front of her
was just a girl. The strong, resilient, driven person in front of her was just a girl as fragile and
easily broken down and beat by the same world that chewed her up.
She could see the same thoughts passing through Jessicas mind in the way her eyes found
Taeyeons. They were glossy, but Taeyeon knew she wouldnt let a single one of those tears fall.
Taeyeon had proved to be faithful from the beginning and had promised to stick by Jessicas side
no matter what.
She had given Jessica no reason to doubt and that had dried up her tears of worry and insecurity
and turned them into misty eyes of disbelief that she had found someone as constant as Taeyeon
in her young years of life.
Turning them around, Taeyeon led Jessica down to sit atop the bed and climbed up afterwards.

76
She leaned Jessica back against the mattress with a push to the shoulder. Lidded eyes watched
her all the while, taking in each of Taeyeons touches, the way eyes looked over familiar skin,
and the way her breath picked up the closer they drew to one another.
The hands she trailed up along Jessicas ribs were taken up into hands where fingers twined.
Taeyeons body folded over, molding into the burning one beneath her. They topped the
connection with a kiss with lips slow to press and move. It was more about the feeling of each
other sealed close together than where they were headed.
Need sizzled in her chest and Taeyeon drew back to take in a breath before sinking back in. Her
tongue slipped easily past teeth, smoothing along the one awaiting her. Jessica moaned on
contact and the vibration of it against her nerves made Taeyeon sigh.
Fingers crawled up her spine and ended in her hair. Slender legs found place around her waist
with a pull. Taeyeon felt herself compress so tightly against Jessica she could feel her pulse
through every part of her.
Taeyeon rolled her hips and Jessicas head fell back, neck stretching out for her to sink her teeth
gentle into that pale flesh that she lapped her tongue against. Jessica tasted the same as always.
I need you. Jessica breathed hotly into the air, breaking the silence.
Taeyeon whimpered against her neck. She felt those words right down to her core and spread all
through down to her toes. She could could hear everything Jessica was saying in those three
words - could feel it.
It was not the need of clench and release but a need to continue to breathe the same air. To be
there to comfort her in terrible days and laugh with her in the better ones. To hang in there until
the end.
All the little nagging questions and worries and doubts and fears she had been feeling the past
few weeks evaporated when they kissed again. Like always, Taeyeon sought out reassurance in
those lips and in return she extended her trust with the parting of thighs welcoming teasing
fingers.
A sigh left her throat with the softest of strokes and Taeyeon wondered if they could keep this up
through the night. She was hungry. She was starving. And by the way Jessica rolled them over,
feasting on the taste along the supple skin of her chest, she knew Jessica had been just as
ravenous for her as well.
"Taeyeon?"
Her eyes opened to see Jessica looking down at her. They both panted as fingers remained
dormant buried in tight heat. Taeyeon could feel them with the slightest of movements, but shed
wait. It wasnt time yet. They werent ready to pick up the pace just yet. Just to feel. To bask. To
relearn.

77

Taeyeon Jessica muttered with the bite of her lip. Taeyeon smiled, hand coming up to comb
back at the blonde hair that fell over them both. She knew what Jessica was going to say.
Ill love you until the end. She responded barely above a whisper that turned into a moan when
Jessicas wrist turned and fingers began to move.
Taeyeon circled her arms around Jessicas neck, holding her as close as she could. She didnt
want the connection to end or the night to burn out into day. She wanted to remain caught up in
the moment where everything seemed possible. Where opposition wouldnt slap her in the face
come morning and reality reared its unfair head in the midst of stressful confusion of months to
come.
Taeyeon, I...I love you. Jessica muttered into her ear.
She had never known those words to sound as sweet than they did coming off those lips.
She could only pray that there would never come a time when that mouth forgot those words and
Taeyeon would be left with only a cassette tape like memory of them in the end.
-/-/-/"I think I met the woman Jessica's been seeing."
Yuri looked up from across the floor table where she was jotting problems down in her spiral.
"Think?"
It only made sense.
Just thinking about her made Taeyeon feel all kinds of ways. The woman was mysterious,
sophisticated, chic. She had an alluring curve to her lips and a way with her smile that
dismantled her.
She reminded her so much of Jessica and then not at all. She carried herself differently. Where
Jessica walked as if she owned the entire goddamn world, this woman moved about as if she
were trying to evade the eyes of others.
"What was she like?"
"She's..." Years older than them.
By the looks of her she seemed...normal. Taeyeon had conjured up twisted images and pictures
of the people Jessica slept with. They were always sleazy and greasy. Even when she imagined
this woman Taeyeon thought she'd be some butchered face mistress who hid behind her money
to catch any deal.

78

Nine times out of ten, Taeyeon was completely wrong. This woman was no exception.
"She buys Jessica gifts."
Yuri narrowed her eyes. "Is that normal?"
Taeyeon shrugged. It wouldn't be the first time Jessica had come home with gifts from a few
regulars or even boxes of chocolates that were promptly thrown away from nervous newbies
unsure of what to do.
"Maybe she's her sugar daddy."
Taeyeon's brow furrowed, mind prancing off to think if there was a more feminine equivalent to
the term. But that was beside the point.
"What else?"
She was gorgeous. Too damn gorgeous.
Taeyeon had always been detached from the people Jessica met. To her, they hardly existed.
They were hidden behind email addresses and fake identities that she never paid attention to. She
couldn't. She couldn't allow herself to become that close or engaged into Jessicas work more
than she already was.
To have met this woman, putting a face to the unknown, had shifted something. Taeyeon no
longer felt like a nonparticipating third party but like she had been thrown into the mix. It
zapped everything into focus, bringing it all closer to home.
These men and women were real people. There were real faces and names and lives attached
behind the anonymous identities beyond the screen.
It derailed her.
"Did you tell her?"
Taeyeon shook her head, pen scribbling information into another college application in front of
her. There had been no reason to tell Jessica just yet.
She needed a definite confirmation that she was who Taeyeon believed. Even so, she wouldn't
know how to bring it up. Jessica didn't bring work home with her. She didn't talk about her
encounters like Taeyeon would about days at the store with Tiffany.
Taeyeon wondered how things would be if Jessica did. She wondered if she could sit still and
listen to Jessica giving accounts of men who had filled up the space between her legs that

79
Taeyeon wished belong fully to her.
There was a reason why the two worlds didn't collide.
What if theyre
Taeyeons neck tightened up. She knew what Yuri was implying and she was trying not to think
that way. Even watching the woman outside of her apartment, Taeyeon couldnt afford to let
herself think that way. This woman was a customer and nothing more. Jessica would do nothing
more with her than what was necessary.
Should I talk to her?
Immediately, No!
Yuris eyebrow cocked. Taeyeon sighed as she slipped the application into an envelope.
Its not our place.
But its yours.
Taeyeon sealed the envelope closed. She didnt want to talk about it anymore. Not when that sick
feeling was starting to creep back in. She trusted Jessica. She trusted her.
Lets go, she pushed herself off the floor. "I want to get these to the post office before they
close."
-/-/-/Taeyeon turned a page in her book as the front door opened and closed. She watched Jessica
waddle in with the large bag of clean clothes and dump them out onto the bed. The smell of fresh
linen filled up the room and Taeyeon scooted closer to the pile, warming her feet on the newly
dried laundry.
Whatre you reading?
Taeyeon showed her the cover. She let it go that Jessica would know if she attended classes.
Even so she knew Jessica wouldve placed the novel beneath her pillow claiming that shed soak
up the words by osmosis.
Read some to me?
Flipping back a few pages, Taeyeon found a passage But all the time her heart was crying, as if in the midst of some ordeal:

80
I want to go back, I want to go away, I want not to know it, not to know that this exists. Yet she
must go forward.
Weird. Hangers jingled and clattered to the floor. Jessica started on hanging each item up
while Taeyeon finally sat up to work on folding the pants. Taeyeon?
Hmm? She yawned, placing a pair of jeans to the side and picked up another. She frowned at
the ever-growing hole just beside the back pocket. She wondered how many more wears she
could get out of them until deemed inappropriate.
She wants to meet you.
Who? Silence ticked by with no answer and Taeyeon looked up, catching Jessicas look. Her
shoulders deflated. Why?
She wants to Jessica paused, fishing for the right words to use. Taeyeon didnt think there
were any for someone Jessica slept with to call on her. She wants to get to know you.
The first question in Taeyeons mind was why this woman even knew about her. Aside from
seeing her, Jessica mustve said something. How many more knew about her - about them?
What for?
Jessica shrugged. She paced into the closet to hang up the first set of clothes. She wants to have
dinner.
Dinner? Taeyeon deadpanned.
Thats all.
There isnt a thats all with people like that. She spat and Jessica stopped where she stood at
the closet door .
Her eyes narrowed in a way that said Taeyeon was being insensitive, but she didnt care. They
had talked about this. They had discussed and agreed that Taeyeon would remain an unknown,
untouched, uninvolved partner. It hurt her more than it angered her that Jessica was even asking.
As if shed say yes. As if shed be okay with it. As if that wasnt breeching all the walls and lines
and barriers she had put up to protect herself from that side of things.
Boa is...sweet. Jessica defended.
Boa. That explained the "B". She finally had something to call the mysterious woman with the
red lips. As if seeing her at her job hadnt been strange, Taeyeon still couldnt place what she
was doing at their apartment.

81
A part of her wondered if she had been inside. If she had brought Jessica home. If there had been
more going on behind closed doors while Taeyeon wasnt there than she knew about. The
thought made Taeyeon uneasy, but she trusted Jessica enough to believe that wasnt the case.
Their home was theirs and only theirs.
I dont trust her.
Jessica scoffed. Shes good for us. Since Ive been meeting with her, Ive been able to cut out a
lot of the others.
In a few months we wont need her.
Jessicas eyebrow lifted, catching her tone. Taeyeon looked away before she could read more
into her face. We wont need anyone for a while if you have dinner with us.
What does she really want, Jessica?
She bit her lip, attention dropping back to the clothes left untouched. Taeyeon's entire being
tensed.
You said youd never ask me to do that.
She only wants to...watch. i
Taeyeon felt lightheaded. Are you out of your mind?
I told her you wouldnt want to do it! Jessica countered in defense. I told her I wouldn't allow
it but her offer
Is the money all you care about?
No, I-
There are other ways! Painful betrayal settled in her like panic. She could see it in Jessica's
face that she had been hoping for a yes from her. The fact she even believed Taeyeon would be
okay with it appalled her. I wont. I cant.
Okay.
Okay? Taeyeon blinked at the sudden shutdown. Okay what? What?
Ill figure something else out. She muttered. End of discussion.
I found a job, I can find you-"
I said Ill figure it out. Jessica cut her off.

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Taeyeon's eyes narrowed, trying her best to see past Jessica's defensive front. She got nothing.
She was tired of getting nothing.
Picking up her book, she left the room.
-/-/-/Tiffany was the perfect tour guide and Taeyeon hung on every word.
So what do you think?
They settled in the canteen, plastic wrapped food and bottled juice from an open freezer in front
of them. Taeyeon resituated the soggy piece of bread back over her tuna and took a bite while
Tiffany sank her teeth into her onigiri. A bit of rice stuck to her lip and she quickly licked it off,
elbows resting on the table.
Taeyeon chewed bashfully under her watch. Tiffany was a loud and recognized presence with
smiles much too bright. Taeyeon felt the need to shield her eyes whenever she was given one.
Its okay. I like it.
I could make it so youre on my floor if you want to move into a dorm .
I dont know
Thats right. You said you lived alone?
Ye- no. Telling Tiffany alone was different than having the audience of her friends. Taeyeon
had seen Henry and Nicole on their tour. They greeted her kindly and hoped shed hang out with
them again. She appreciated the sentiment since she thought they didnt care for her. Maybe she
would join them again.
Roommate?
N-not exactly. Shes Taeyeon waved her hands around, wishing she could spell it out with
the gestures. By the wrinkle in Tiffanys forehead, she knew she wasnt getting anything across.
Were...you know.
She saw Tiffanys eyes go from narrow to wide when it clicked. A smirk found place on the
corner of her mouth and Taeyeon gulped down orange juice to erase the nervous pricks from her
throat. It was the first time she had told anyone about her and Jessica outside of her friends. It
was strange though it shouldnt have been at all.
I think Ive seen her before.

83
Taeyeon thought back. Tiffany had been the one to take her application many, many weeks ago.
With no reason to pay attention to one another, the memory was probably as vague to Tiffany as
it was to Taeyeon.
You two must be serious.
Almost four years.
Wow. Im jealous. Tiffany joked, smile wide and teasing. Taeyeon felt her cheeks heat up and
she ducked her head knowing she was blushing. Tiffanys low laugh only made it worse.
Youre cute.
The compliment made Taeyeon choke. She quickly wiped the bit of drink slipped out of her
mouth on the sleeve of her The Strokes hoodie.
Is she interested in coming too? Tiffany eased the subject back to the original topic. Taeyeons
pride thanked her though she didnt even understand why Tiffany made her so nervous.
We havent- that was too much information to give. She changed course. School isnt
Jessicas thing.
Jessica?
It was the name Jessica had chosen to permanently go by after leaving her parents. Just another
form of defiance against them. No one used the other except Yuri who had known Jessica in her
younger years and comforted her with an affection only a best friend could. Taeyeon never dared
and Sunny, after she found out, only did it to grate on her nerves unknowingly.
What about your parents? Taeyeon bit into her lip. Tiffany caught on. Sorry, I ask too many
questions. Curious is all. I think its cool you two support each other. It must be hard.
Yeah. Sometimes.
Tiffany gave an understanding smile. Its getting late. Ill show you around the dorms then you
can go.
Rising up from the table, Taeyeon fell into step with Tiffany out of the canteen. Dusk had settled
just below the tops of tall academic buildings. Taeyeon pulled the sleeves of her hoodie down
over her hands.
Thank you for everything.
Tiffany beamed that thousand watt smile again. It was my pleasure.
-/-/-/-

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Frozen yogurt weighed down in her stomach as Taeyeon climbed the curb up to the apartment.
It was late. A call from Nichkhun had Tiffany rope her into going to a little dessert cafe a couple
streets from campus. Taeyeon stayed with them until the workers shooed them out and the place
closed.
Checking the mailbox, Taeyeon skipped up the steps with keys jingling off the keyring hanging
on her finger. She had expected the darkness of the apartment to greet her when she opened the
door. A flood of light and a pair of unfamiliar eyes met her instead.
The girl sitting on the couch stared up at Taeyeon with frightened eyes. She stood up quickly,
bowing in embarrassment. Taeyeon stood her ground, brow furrowing.
Who are-
Hara? Jessica paced into the living room, fingers hooking in an earring. Seeing Taeyeon, her
face paled. Whatre you doing here?
Me? Taeyeon jutted her chin to the girl looking between the both of them uncertain of what to
do. Jessica casted Hara an apologetic look. Taeyeon bristled. Bedroom. Now.
Obediently Jessica made for the room. Taeyeon shut it behind them. Who is that?
Shes- Jessica cursed under her breath, head angling up in frustration to the ceiling. You
werent supposed to come home yet.
What does that mean?
It means I didnt want you to know that I- She sighed, hand running through her loosely curled
hair. Taeyeon took that moment to actually look at Jessica. Dressed for work. Taeyeons pulse
quickened with each of Jessicas words. I told you I would figure it out remember?
Taeyeons stomach plummeted.
Jessicas hands fidgeted not knowing what to do. They settled with brushing back her hair. Its
easier for both of us this way.
Taeyeon felt dizzy. Moving across the room, she sank down onto the edge of the bed. She held
her head in her hands. Things were pressing in too quickly and tightly around her.
Taeyeon?
No. She shook her head. She couldnt handle this. Not when it had been brought into her own
home. Tell her to leave.
I cant. We have a reservation in-

85

No. She stared at the floor, throat dry. We have a reservation.

Jessica coughed out a toneless laugh. You cant be serious.
I could say the same to you. She slithered out, turning to meet Jessicas gaze. The confidence
she had just found faded away in an instant.
Baby, weve talked about this, the bed dipped as Jessica sank down beside her. Taeyeon had
the overwhelming want to pull away from her just as much as she wanted to wrap her arms
around Jessica and keep her in place. I wont let you.
So you pick her?
The hand about to brush back her hair dropped down. Shes one, too.
Taeyeons fist balled up at her side. How many more would she meet? How many more like
Jessica? Would she see like this? All of the years at keeping the gravity of the situation behind
the line of recognition was slowly wearing away. It was tangible now. It was very real and very
present.
Thinking about her touching you - it makes me sick. She met Jessicas eyes. They were sad but
nervous - uncertain. Taeyeon could feel every unspoken word they were speaking inside of her
chest and it hurt. It hurt to even get the next words out of her mouth. I cant let you go with
her.
Taeyeon pinched her eyes shut. Only a few more months. Only a few more months. Only a few.
More. Months.
Tae-
All she wants to do is watch, right?
Jessica was slow to nod.
Taeyeon let out a shaky breath. Ill do it.
-/-/-/Taeyeon fiddled with the cuff of her shirt sticking out the sleeve of her blazer. Beside her,
Jessica batted her hand away and fixed the fabric to fold neatly.
Fingers brushed along the top of her hand and along her face in a calming gesture. Taeyeon's
eyes found the black and white knitted scarf around Jessica's neck. All the calm she had been
trying to bring quickly went away.

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"If things start to get weird for you-"
"They already are."
Jessica frowned and Taeyeon had to look away.
Her eyes followed the buildings passing them by as the cab drove on. Streetlights glared off the
smudged window in dizzying patterns while they soared through the city.
A hand landed on her knee drawing her attention. Jessica's frown was still intact on those glossy
pink lips. Her hair was soft over shoulders draped in burgundy leather over a fitted black dress.
Taeyeon swallowed. Jessica was breathtaking with her eyes done up with dark makeup and a
light spritz of perfume just below her chin. However Taeyeon couldn't find herself to enjoy it.
She was not dressed for her. They were dolled up together for someone else all in the name of a
transaction. It made her sick.
Pulling to the restaurant, Taeyeon helped Jessica out of the cab with a hand. She kept their
fingers laced together as they entered the building and stepped into an elevator.
Taeyeon watched the numbers light up as they went up and up and up.
"Taeyeon."
With a squeeze of her hand, Taeyeon looked up. Jessica had that worried look in her eye again.
She wouldn't admit that she felt it just as strongly. She had put herself into this situation. She had
agreed. She had willingly crossed the line they both promised would never come.
"I'm doing this for us."
"I wish you wouldn't." Jessica muttered.
But it was too late.
The elevator opened and Taeyeon bent her arm. Jessica's hands hooked into the crook of her
elbow and they walked, winding through to the restaurant where the host stopped them at the
front.
Jessica gave them Kwon as the name of their reservation and were promptly led through. It felt
like a thousand eyes were on them. Watching them. Judging them.
This was not where their kind belonged. Taeyeon could taste the wealth in the air. She felt stuffy
- her collar was too tight. Her pants were not acceptable. Her shoes were not shiny enough. She
didn't belong here and neither did Jessica.
"Relax, baby." Jessica's voice swept over her like a shallow wave and Taeyeon allowed herself to

87
take in a calming breath.
She remained as such until they reached the suite. Boa had reserved for them a private room. It
was nice until Taeyeon figured why she had done it. A date with two teenagers would raise
suspicion. If only the patrons knew what was to come after.
"You made it," Boa stood to greet them.
Jessica's hand left her arm to take Boa's. Taeyeon stood awkwardly by as Boa kissed each of
Jessica's cheeks.
"This is Taeyeon."
Familiar eyes fell on her. "It's good to officially meet you."
The meaning went over Jessica while it hit Taeyeon as she bowed. Neither of them had
mentioned their previous encounters. Taeyeon didn't like the feeling it gave her. Like they were
both trying to hide a deceptive secret.
They sat at the table: Jessica beside Taeyeon while Boa took the chair on the opposite and moved
it the center.
"Everything is on me tonight so order whatever you like."
Taeyeon picked up the menu. The prices made her head hurt.
"I'll take care of it." Jessica whispered.
Taeyeon promptly sat the menu back down. She wouldn't have known where to start.
Wine poured while Boa and Jessica ordered. Taeyeon picked up her glass, sniffing at it while the
others sipped.
"I have something for you."
Taeyeon placed her glass down as Boa reached to pick up a small gift bag from the floor.
"I hope you like it."
Taeyeon looked to Jessica before moving tissue paper out of the way and reached in. Fingers met
black fabric at the bottom that unfolded in her hand to a t-shirt. Taeyeon's eyes widened when
she recognized the picture of the band on the front before reading the name printed in red letters
above it.
"She's speechless." Boa chuckled.

88
Jessica smiled beside her. "She loves it."
She did.
She wondered if it had been from Jessica's mouth or Boa seeing her in a similar style that had
tipped her off. By the sly look on her face, Taeyeon believed it was the latter. Suddenly Taeyeon
didnt believe she was at their apartment for some innocent reason anymore.
She cleared her throat "Thank you."
"It's nothing."
She sat the shirt back into the bag and placed it on the floor. Jessica gave her knee a squeeze.
"Jessica told me youre high school sweethearts."
Taeyeon nodded as she went for her glass of water. She grabbed the wine instead and brought it
to her lips.
I think thats beautiful. Boa grinned across the table at her, hands folded beneath her chin as
she watched Taeyeon sip.
She finally realized what it was about Boas stare that unnerved her. The entire time, from first
meeting until now, Boa had known who she was. Had probably added Taeyeon's face to the
fantasy of the two girls together from the first time she saw her.
Nothing about the way Boa looked at her - at Jessica - was sincere. It was predatory and twisted.
It turned the sweetness of the wine in her mouth bitter on her tongue. It made her palms prick
and fingers ache to reach over, grab Jessica, and take them away.
Whatever Boa had to offer them - however much was on the table - it didnt matter to her. Being
someone on the outside always looking in from afar as Jessica left her night after night, day after
day had been one thing. To be in the presence of it all had turned everything upside down. This
was not what she wanted. Part of her couldnt believe she had allowed Jessica to keep doing it all
this time.
Taeng?
The present zapped back into focus. Taeyeon blinked away from the odd concern Boa was giving
her to look to Jessica where genuine worry was present in the crease of her brow. In the
background she could see the waiters bringing their dishes.
Ill be back.
Before a plate could hit the table, she got up and headed for the restroom.

89
Taeyeon turned to faucet on cold, letting the water run over her clammy hands. Her reflection
glared ominous in the mood lighting back at her. She hardly looked like herself. Jessica had done
her makeup, her hair, her dress. She looked like another one the pawns of the street bending
down to kiss the feet of false queens and kings all for their dirty wealth.
Her jaw tightened as she stepped back into the suite, watching as Boa offered Jessica a taste of
her food. Lips curved around the fork and pulled back with a sensual lap of the tongue along the
prongs. Boas stare followed every flicking movement with darkened eyes.
How is it? Taeyeon asked, falling into her seat.
Jessica licked her lips. Try some?
Jessica scooped some onto her own fork. She took it with much less grace that resulted in some
smeared onto her mouth.
Wait, Jessica pressed a finger to the corner of her lip and Taeyeon took the bait.
She licked at the finger against her skin, head titling just enough to take Jessicas finger into her
mouth. Jessicas lips parted in surprise as Taeyeon sucked her finger clean and pulled back with
a lick to her lips.
Its spicy.
A little. Jessicas eyes narrowed just enough for Taeyeon to catch.
With a slight shake of the head, she turned away to see Boas eyes still stuck on the two of them.
Before Taeyeon could allow herself to feel disgusted, she picked up her fork and stabbed it into
her plate.
-/-/-/Boa lived in a penthouse that overlooked Seoul with a view Taeyeon had never seen.
She stood at the long plane of glass windows that took up the furthest two walls. Lights dim
inside, Taeyeon could see the city flickering and alive all around them.
Beautiful, isnt it?
Her nerves coiled at the voice muttering close to her ear. Taeyeon side-eyed Boa, who came up
beside her, pale face shining in the skyscraper lights. She couldnt deny that this woman was
beautiful. But the outside did nothing to ease the tainted image Taeyeon had perceived of her that
was inside.
May I take your jacket? Taeyeon saw Jessicas already draped over her arm. Taeyeon
shrugged hers off. Feel free to make yourself comfortable.

90

Heels clicked off, disappearing in the shadow of a hall. Pulling her gaze from the window,
Taeyeon peered back finding Jessica pacing across the room from the kitchen. A glass of white
wine dangled in her fingers. It didnt go over Taeyeon that Jessica didnt need to make herself
comfortable here. She already had.
The glass passed into her hands without words.
Slow down, Jessica warned. She took a few more long sips before handing it back.
Fingers curved into hers and she followed Jessica over to one of the large, white couches. She sat
down carefully. The wine glass clinked onto the coffee table.
"You're doing amazing." Jessica brushed at her bangs.
"I don't know about this anymore."
The frown Jessica gave her hardly held the same sincerity as the one earlier in the night. It was
the alcohol. Taeyeon hoped she wouldnt lose her completely. She needed Jessica to be with her.
I wont make you do anything you dont want to. A hand cupped her face, turning so they
faced each other. Taeyeon could taste the wine on Jessicas breath as they moved in closer.
I trust you. Their foreheads met and Taeyeons heart raced. She thought they would take more
time before getting to this. She reasoned it was probably better now. The sooner they finished the
sooner they could leave.
Taeyeon humped at the sound of a door opening and closing in the distance.
Its almost over. Jessica stroked her cheek with a thumb, easing her.
Then we go home?
"Then we go home."
Jessica's lips were sticky when they met. Taeyeon's tongue instinctively lapped out to rid of the
remaining gloss along them before easing into Jessica's mouth.
The kiss didn't feel right. It was empty. The spark wasn't there yet. But they needed it. They
needed something to lead them through and finish before the realization of what and why they
were doing this could dull things even more.
A hand wrapped around the back of her neck and pulled her closer. The tug of a hand on her
waist led her onto Jessica's lap where she straddled, forcing fingers into Jessica's silky hair.
Everything was off and she could feel Jessicas frustration in the way she tried to settle Taeyeon
into the moment with each languid kiss.

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"Think about me." Jessica muttered into her mouth. Only me.
Her eyes closed as hands slid down to her waist, pulling her closer. Taeyeon felt friction between
her legs just enough to kick start her nerves and she settled in deeper.
The sound of feet padding through the room slowly slid to the back of her mind when Jessicas
hands skated up her shirt along her skin. She could tell Jessica was nervous by the coldness of
her fingers. Could tell she was taking things slowly and lightly for the sake of the girl in her lap.
Lips left her mouth to kiss up along her chin while fingers snuck around to undo the buttons of
her shirt.
Let me do everything. Jessica murmured close to her ear.
Taeyeon responded by tilting her neck back for Jessica to sink her teeth into her skin. She
moaned right on cue when Jessica began to suck on her pulse point. Fingers finding the zipper on
the back of Jessicas dress, Taeyeon tugged it down and pushed the fabric down, revealing a
naked chest.
Touch me. Jessica instructed.
Lips finding Jessicas, Taeyeon cupped familiar skin in her hands, squeezing just the slightest.
She felt Jessica grin in approval against her mouth and she pinched to make Jessica groan.
World tilting, Taeyeon found her back pressed against the soft cushions of the couch. Jessica
worked above her to rid completely of her dress before straddling Taeyeons waist.
Jessicas actions were hurried then, pushing back the flaps of Taeyeons shirt and pushing away
her bra. The pace was unlike them, but the way Jessicas mouth landed on her chest was the
same. Her body arched into the sucking, licking warmth against her while her thighs parted for
Jessicas hand to sink between them.
Taeyeons head lolled against the couch, mouth open and panting as Jessica worked her up
quickly. Teeth bit into flesh and her eyes opened only to meet a pair staring right back.
She gasped.i
Jessica looked up, catching on fast.
A hand slipped past the undone button and open zipper of Taeyeons pants as a mouth dipped
down by her neck. Stay focused on me.
Her chest heaved as fingers began to play against her. Boas gaze watched their every move every touch. Her eyes settled onto Taeyeon, taking in her bare top half rising and falling rapidly
as her paid plaything teased her.

92

Taeyeon, Jessicas voice held the ghost of a plead as fingers pressed.

Taeyeon whimpered but the sensation was squelched by the eyes that shot down to where
Jessicas hand was plain to see.
Close your eyes, baby.
I cant. She turned back to see Jessicas face hovering above hers. It was voice of the passion
and desire that was always there when they were alone. The emptiness - it scared her.
Jessica, I cant.
Hang in there.
Out the corner of her eye Taeyeon saw the movement of a pale hand dip into the confines of silk
blouse.
She couldnt do it. They were not a show. They were not a commodity. And she hated that this
woman had reduced the realness of what they were to something as cheap as a performance.
I cant do this.
She pushed Jessica back until she sat up on her lap.
Is something wrong? Boa asked from where she lingered in the darkness.
Taeyeon couldn't even look at her. Were leaving.
Tae-
No, Jessica. She snapped. She could feel tears prick at the corner of her eyes. Get off. Were
going.
Jessica let up easy and Taeyeon pulled herself off the couch.
She redressed herself in a blur of threatening tears. Grabbing Jessicas dress, she held it for her to
take.
Get dressed.
She didnt move.
Jessica.
Maybe we should talk? Said Boa. Taeyeon drowned her out.

93

Her eyes found Jessicas that stared up at her from a blank canvas of a face. Taeyeon shoulders
shook.
You promised. But the head that dropped away from her said that on one end, those promises
may have been empty all along.
Please, trust me.
That was it.
Taeyeon threw the dress down.
Taeyeon!
But she was already out the door, feet taking her down flights and flights and flights until the hit
ground level.
Cold air smacked into her face as she broke out the door. Her shoulder bumped into someone as
she hit the sidewalk but she paid them no mind. All she wanted to do was to be as far away from
this place as she could. All she wanted to do was go home and pretend like nothing had
happened.
Taeyeon, wait! She heard Jessica call after. She kept moving with the blare of highbeams on
her back. Taeyeon. Tae- let me go!
Long time no see, gorgeous.
Stop!
Taeyeon did a double take over her shoulder before she whipped completely around.
She froze.
She saw the face of Minah hidden behind an open car door watching as Joonhyung yanked
Jessica closer to him. Her heels wobbled on the concrete, sending her crashing into his chest. She
pushed trying to get away but his grip was tight around her wrist.
Let go of me!
Ive been lookin for you you little snake. She snarled. You still owe me.
Let me go.
He shook her and Jessicas body rattled. Once youre mine youre always mine.

94
Jessica spat into his face. Fuck you.
Joonhyungs fist tightened at his side.
Taeyeon finally came back to life.
Leave her alone! She screamed. Her eyes blazed in angry panic as she sprinted.
Jessicas eyes pinched shut waiting for the impact of a fist to hit. It never came.
Taeyeon felt the heaviness of the blow against her cheek strong enough crack her neck to the
side. Jessicas voice screaming her name rang in her ears muffled and distorted from the force of
the impact.
Her lashes fluttered, blinking back the haze of tears to find Jessica staring wide-eyed at her for
only a second before a hand gripped onto her from behind. Taeyeon spun around and shoved,
sending her and Joonhyung against the side of the car. Someone - Minah - screamed.
Taeyeon! Jessicas hands reached out for her.
Arms flailed for air until the hit flesh and she gripped. Her legs felt like lead as she stumbled
back onto her feet. She barely registered Jessica pulling her along to get away before Joonhyung
could recover.
Dammit, Taeyeon. Jessica cried above her. Youre so stupid.
Her teeth gritted. She could feel the ache of the punch starting to pulse in her cheek. Just get us
home.
A hand tightened on her as they made it to the end of the walkway.
Sirens wailed through the night and Taeyeon chanced a glance up. The last thing she saw was
Boas eyes watching them from the window before they fell into a cab and out of sight.

95

Part V
Morning burned an incandescent glow through the balcony window into Taeyeons eyes that
hadnt truly rested through the night. The space heater hummed beside her where she laid stiff
and aching on the couch. She stretched out her limbs and winced at the tightness of her joints.
Just another awful consolation from putting herself onto the couch.
Sitting up, Taeyeon ran a hand through her hair. It felt oily. Her entire body felt as if it were
covered in a layer of filth splayed on by the events of lewd eyes and meandering hands
unwanted.
Without second thought she got up for the shower to rid her skin of the disgust.
Her reflection looked back at her in the mirror as she dried off. Deep purple of a bruise decorated
the side of her face along the curve of bone along her eye. She'd need to think of a strong enough
excuse to evade Sunny's sharp eyes.
In the bedroom, she dressed in the silence of the morning, eyes occasionally casting over to
Jessica. Her breathing was thick and congested. A result of the cold night and not enough layers
to keep impending sickness out. Sighing, Taeyeon threw another comforter over her shoulders
Taeyeon? She heard from the sheets.
I have to go to school. She didnt want to talk about it yet.
Taeyeon, Jessica sat up. Her eyes caught the opposite side of the bed untouched and cold. She
winced. Taeng, wait.
A hand reached out to catch her by the tail of her shirt. She was forced into looking at Jessica
then. Into eyes that were familiar yet foreign to her. She had never seen Jessica look at her with
such sadness - such uncertainty. Such fear.
They hadnt spoken on their way home. Something had been thrown off. An imbalance now
rested between them.
Im going to be late.
Im sorry.
Taeyeon turned to keep Jessica from looking at the bruise on her face. It was too early. Too
fresh. She couldn't find the stability within herself to let the talk pan out without hurting more.
Jessicas grip loosened on her and Taeyeon pulled away.

96
She took up her backpack and slipped into her shoes without looking back in fear that shed see
in Jessica what she saw the previous night.
Nothing.
-/-/-/Taeyeon was one of the first out of class at the chime of the ending bell.
Her hands moved in exchanging books and things from her locker. The letter she had pulled out
of the mailbox that morning on her way out tumbled from where she had thrown it into her
locker and onto the floor. She quickly picked it up and yanked her backpack onto her shoulders.
A shadow of a figure appeared on her right and she closed her locker to see Yuri looking down at
her. Not at her. At the bruise. Taeyeon turned her head, using her fingers to futilely cover the
markings with her hair.
Tell me what really happened. Yuri hissed, close on her side as they started to walk.
Taeyeons eyes shifted through the masses searching for Sunnys bobbing head. Having Yuri
pick her up at her locker was unusual. Everything in her life had recently turned for the
abnormal.
Wheres Jessica?
You know her number.
Hey. A hand gripped her around her arm and pulled them into a nook out of the way of passing
students. That bullshit about tripping into a doorknob might work on Sunny, but you can talk to
me.
Joonhyung. It was all Taeyeon had to say.
Yuris face fell. What happened? Did she leave for Donghaes again?
No. Taeyeon forced herself to calm down. Yuri wasnt the one she was upset with. Yuri wasnt
the one who had hurt her. Were okay.
There was a little bit too much push behind her words. Yuris lip curved back disapproving, but
Taeyeon didnt have it in her to talk about it more. She was still processing. She was still trying
to make sense of how the world she and Jessica had created suddenly got turned on its axis right
when they needed their feet to be rooted the most.
Whatre you doing?
Taeyeon startled. Sunny observed them both, picking up on the odd tension.

97

Nothing. Taeyeon muttered.

She pulled away first and the others trailed after. They stuck close, flanking on either side of her.
The topic about her face and standoffish behavior was shut down and banished as a topic
untouchable in gym when Taeyeon snapped at Sunny to stop prying so damn much.
Balance was thrown off that none knew how to address. Taeyeon didnt even know where to
start.
They broke through the front entrance in silence. Taeyeon pulled the collar of her coat tighter
around her neck. She had no desire to follow them to the karaoke bar, but the thought of home
didnt settle in her stomach as favorable either.
Taeyeon.
She looked up at Sunnys confused cock of an eyebrow before following where her gaze cut to.
Noticing that she saw him, her father lifted his hand in a wave.
Should we wait? Asked Yuri.
Taeyeon shook her head. Shed finish up with him quickly and find a place to breathe
somewhere no one would be able to find her for a few hours.
Breaking away from the two, she made over to where her father stood. Up close she could tell he
was just as nervous as Taeyeon was confused and miffed that he was there. The sight of him
made her think back to the things her parents had said. About how in the end, Jessica would turn
everything in her life rotten. That shed let her down.
She tried to shake the haunting sentences away, but it was hard when she and Jessica were in the
wake of what felt like a destruction.
What happened to your eye?
Whyre you here?
He regarded her with a tight jaw, eyes narrowed the slightest. Taeyeon told herself if he asked
again about her bruise, shed walk away. She couldn't handle if he assumed it was by Jessicas
hand it was there.
Your moms taking Hayeon out tonight. Are you hungry? Itll just be you and me
No.
He sighed, hands burying into the pockets of his coat. Im not here to lecture you, Tae.

98

Then why are you?

He looked past her shoulder. Wheres Jessica? She can come too.
You dont have to pretend that you care.
I never stopped caring.
Taeyeon blinked. She could feel the honesty in his words. The sincerity broke her a inside. She
had to look away as the flood of need and longing for something stable and familiar washed back
in.
Wheres the car? She couldnt even look into his eyes as she said it. The smile she saw on his
lips out the corner of her eye only made it all the more worse.
-/-/-/Untouched menus sat on the sticky restaurant table between them. Taeyeons nail
absentmindedly picked at a wrinkled corner, chin propped up on the heel of her other and and
eyes angled out through the slits of windowblinds beside her.
She watched a couple of junior high kids skip across the street to a burger joint laughing with
one another before they slipped inside. Taeyeons warm feelings at seeing the cheery crowd
faded with their disappearance.
She shifted in her seat. Ice rattled as it melted in her soda and shifted down the glass. Her father
took in a breath. Taeyeon held hers. Maybe this time hed use that breath to speak finally.
Exams are coming up.
The familiar concern and unease the anticipation of the entrance exams bubbled up in her
stomach. Only weeks away and she had been starting to wonder if she had studied hard enough,
knew enough, could do well enough.
It took three times before I did the best expected of me. Taeyeon turned to look at her father,
but his focus was past her. When he saw he had her attention, he pushed on a smile and found
her eyes. Dont stress over it.
Her eyes narrowed trying to detect his angle. Where he was trying to go.
Thank you for coming out with me.
What is this really about?

99
A waiter appeared and was dismissed from the table by the shake of her fathers head. Heavy
hands folded onto the table, and Taeyeon caught herself staring down at them, eyes tracing
creases and veins and lines like paths down memory lane.
These were hands that had raised her. They were hands that picked her up onto broad shoulders
and tucked her into sleep. They were hands that had protected her and punished her for her own
well-being. They were hands attached to arms that had held her first and believed in her.
Taeyeons chest tightened. She missed him. She missed her mother and her sister and her
brother.
Dad? her voice cracked just barely. She didnt want to be here much longer.
They always say its the children who fall short of their parents. Steady eyes twisted with age
and remorse locked on hers, but when I look at you, see how much youve grown, I think your
mom and I were the ones who fell short. We disappointed you.
Beneath the table, Taeyeons fist tightened on her knee. His words entered through the cracks in
her worn out shell and took in her in a vice grip. It was almost a choking feeling.
We only wanted the best for you, but we forgot to ask what you wanted.
Sometimes that was okay.
Its what wasnt okay that drove you away from us. He took in a deep breath. Taeyeon felt the
sting in her fingers at how tightly she was clenching her fists. Too much emotion. Your mother
and I have been talking. She loves you more than you know but be patient. Itll take her longer to
come around.
Why now? She managed to croak out.
It doesnt have to be like this.
Taeyeon understood. Reconciliation. It was something that they all wanted but none knew how
to go about it. Fighting, arguing, ignoring the issues at hand had done nothing else but to keep
them apart.
It didnt pass Taeyeon that her father being here, telling her this, didnt have anything to do with
the months winding down. The fear of losing the daughter they truly loved had probably broken
something within them in the same way Taeyeons own faltering world had been pushing her to
return to them.
I dont want it to be anymore. She said.
Her dads smile was small but the way his shoulders relaxed told her he had been waiting for
those words just as much as Taeyeon had been waiting for his.

100

What about Jessica?

Seriousness erased his smile. Is she really who you want to be with?
Taeyeon blinked up to meet his eyes. His tone was that of a protective father. No malice, no hate,
no disgust. Just sincere concern.
Empty eyes filled up her mind and her lip trembled. That nothingness she felt looking into
Jessicas face that night consumed her like a void.
I dont know anymore. The words scratched along her throat and she wanted to take them back
the moment they were out.
She didnt mean that. Not really. It was the unease. It was the rupture in equilibrium. Taeyeon
felt the ache of a headache spring up behind her eyes. The way her dad looked at her only made
her want to press her face into his chest and cry the stress away.
Has she hurt you? He asked like any father would.
Taeyeon bit her lip. Jessica hadn't hurt her intentionally. Taeyeon hadnt even realized just how
hurt she felt from the past months events. Thinking back she could she could see those moments
plainly: accepted gifts, dismissed talks, white couches and white wine.
They had been through worse but not like this. Something didnt feel right in the air. Something
had shifted between them and Taeyeon couldnt catch onto it just yet. Her own mind was caught
up in the present annoyances that told her, You cant do this anymore. Think for yourself. Get
out, get out, get out.
Sunnys harsh and honest words on a chilly balcony pierced through her chest like an arrow.
I dont know whats happened to us. She admitted. Her lip trembled and she looked back
towards the blinds. Overcast skies released a light drizzle. Taeyeon watched a man hurrying
down the street with a newspaper shielding his sculpted hair.
She couldn't ignore how she and Jessica were just like that man, futilely shielding themselves
under a flimsy hope and dream while the real word started to trickle in. Soon the acid would seep
through the fibers of their unstable canopy and pour down.
We never shouldve let you do this alone.
Taeyeons neck snapped over to him. That was it. That was how it was. Like she was doing
everything alone, practically and logically marking out a map and foundation for the two of them
while Jessica-

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She sighed. They were one in everything else except for this. What happened to the Jessica who
looked forward? What happened to her Jessica who wanted more than anyone to get out of this
damn place? Taeyeon wanted to believe she was still in there. She had to be.
Im not alone. She tried to reassure herself. Saying it would make her believe it. Saying it
would help give her the strength to believe it for the both of them again.
Im here for you, Tae, said her father.
She focused back on him. Its not just about me anymore.
He nodded. Jessica too.
The sincerity in his tone brought a warmth to Taeyeons chest. It was the first feeling of hope she
had about reconciling with her family.
One step at a time, shed get all the ones she loved back.
-/-/-/There had been only one other time when Taeyeon felt like a stranger in her own home.
After coming out about herself and Jessica, she became another one of those girls and teens who
her parents would shake their heads at from across the grocery store or comment about while out
at dinner.
They didnt know what to do in the beginning. Taeyeon saw it as the calm before the storm. For
everything started to crumble from there when they realized that it wasnt a phase - Jessica was
not an experiment. When they realized that the daughter they had tried to raise as perfectly as
they could was not to their standard of perfect.
Taeyeon felt the same sense of out of placeness when she finally came home. The air was tense.
A foreign entity had slipped through their door and taken up residence. Seeing a designer leather
jacket thrown over the arm of the couch, Taeyeon put Boas name and face to the atmospheric
force that was pressing against her.
Out of all the people that had passed through Jessicas hands, Boa was the first to have thrown
such a curveball at them. And Taeyeon hated it.
"Why was she here?"
Jessica startled, head peeking out the closet. She was newly showered, blonde hair damp and
sticking to her skin. It would've been a delicious sight but seeing Jessica after avoiding her the
entire day brought every trouble back to her like a wrecking ball into her stomach.
Jessica tugged on a t-shirt. Who are you talking about? When?

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Boa was here once, she explained, pacing into the room. She sat on the edge of the bed,
watching Jessica fumble to get dressed. I saw her in the hall.
"I was drunk. She brought me home."
"That's it?"
"I wouldn't do that in our house, Taeng."
Taeyeon scoffed.
Seriously? Jessica spun around, hair whipping up into her face. Why are you mad? It was
either her or some pervy cab driver. Im grateful that she didnt take advantage of me.
She took advantage of us. Of our relationship.
Jessica mouth bobbed. It shut. And then she let go of her defenses until Taeyeon could see the
sorry girl with the watery eyes that had sat beside her in a cab, hands clenched tightly in her lap
because Taeyeon wouldnt allow her to even touch her.
Im sorry. Jessicas eyes flickered over, meeting Taeyeons hard stare. Im sorry I made you
go through with it. I shouldve said no - I shouldnt have asked. Im sorry.
Why didnt you follow me? Because if anything had hurt the entire night it had been that.
I was going to make a deal with her, Jessica admitted after a moment. I was going to ask if
shed still give me the money. I never got the chance because I went after you.
Do you know how I felt that night?
I know and Im sorry.
Do you know how hard I tried- and then Joonhyung- and- Taeyeons fist balled at her side.
Jessica moved across the carpet for her, but she turned her head before a hand could cup at her
cheek. I understand you wanted to do your job, but Jessica, it cant be just about the money.
She slowly turned up. The corners of her eyes stung when she saw the same hurting mirrored on
Jessicas face. What about me?
Jessicas hand lifted again. Taeyeon allowed fingertips to land on her cheek and trace along her
jaw. Youre always the first thing I think about.
I keep seeing how you were with Boa and... she remembered the way Jessica acted that night.
But it wasnt Jessica. She was someone else entirely. How can you do it?

103
I know you felt it that night, said Jessica. Its not real with her. It never is. Its not real with
anyone. Only you.
Taeyeon remembered the stories Jessica told about her family.
Jessica lived most of her life pretending, catering to them, selling that the Jung family was the
perfect, cookie cutter TV show family. But none of it was real. Destruction reigned behind
closed doors only set off more by a Jessica who hated to follow the rules. Her push back set them
off. Her inability to be like her younger sister, the one they prized so much more, pushed Jessica
away.
She could not pretend anymore. So she got away.
Am I not enough for you? Insecurity reared its ugly head. She felt like it was their first year
together all over again.
Jessicas brow creased, appalled. Like Taeyeon couldn't see just how valuable and important she
was. However she couldn't help to feel as such. Not when money was the name of the game and
they had both been used as pawns to reap something for it.
Taeyeon, no, youre- Jessica struggled, teeth biting into the pink of her lip, youre
everything.
Once Jessica shared she had become addicted to the profession because the sense of need it gave
her. Someone finally needed her. Needed her to listen, needed her to talk, needed to feel a body
close to their skin. Taeyeon could only understand them to an extent, but she tried to for the sake
of accepting Jessica in completely and trusting her.
You changed all of that. Jessica had told her before making love to her in a way Taeyeon
hadnt experienced in the previous months of their relationship.
Its just money. Her brow furrowed, head tilting up in confusion. Why were you so
desperate?
You were worried.
Taeyeons eyebrows lifted. So Jessica had heard her. She hadnt dismissed what Taeyeon had
drilled into her the night she came home after the missed study group.
You dont need to push yourself for us.
Jessicas lips parted to speak but quickly sealed shut. Taeyeon was about to ask her to say it
when she found those lips pressed against hers.

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The kiss served as the end of conversation. End of apology. A couple things still floated around
in Taeyeons head - little worries and impatient nagging. But Jessicas admittance had opened
her eyes to see that she wasnt in this alone afterall. Jessica was thinking about them.
Slowly. Thats how shed have to tread. For whatever reason, later had become a touchy subject
for Jessica to rise to. Shed tread lightly. Like their beginning days after bedroom confessions
and first kisses. Like the slow chisel of the rock hard marble Jessica had created around herself
but soon let Taeyeon through.
I dont want you to see her anymore. She said once their lips parted.
Jessicas fingers brushed back her hair, tips gliding along the bruise blotched into her skin.
I wont. Taeyeon sighed as Jessica kissed the sore place beside her eye. I love you, okay? I
love you and Im sorry.
Taeyeon accepted her apology and her confession with the press of another kiss.
Slowly, she told herself.
Slowly.
-/-/-/Early morning, Taeyeon helped Tiffany open the store.
A styrofoam cup of stale off passed into her hands and she sipped while she settled behind the
register. Music began to play over the speakers and Tiffany bounced her way up to the front,
own coffee in hand. By the wide smile on her face, Taeyeon didnt think she needed the caffeine
at all.
You look extra tired today.
Studying, she yawned.
Sunny made her commit to at least two nights of cram school. Somehow she roped Yuri into the
mix much to Sooyoungs dissatisfaction. They tried to make it to the karaoke bar as much as they
could, but even Sooyoung had been given more time off to prepare for exams.
Aside from haunting images of Jessica and Joonhyung invading her sleep, algorithms and dates
had joined in creating a disturbing and strange nightmares that left her exhausted in the
mornings. She hated it.
Did you fall asleep too hard on one of your books?

105
Taeyeon caught her warped reflection in the desk bell behind the counter. The bruise by her eye
was still vaguely apparent. Doorknob.
Tiffany cocked an eyebrow but didnt ask anything else about it. Probably keeping the question
logged away with all the millions of others she always started to ask Taeyeon but never did.
Anyway, if youre interested, Tiffany started while using her phones front camera to fix her
hair, were having an open house later this week. You could come and hear more about it
from, she bent her fingers in air quotations, professionals.
Taeyeon laughed. Why dont you just turn in my application for me?
Hey, its my job to bring in new meat.
Taeyeon rolled her eyes. R.A. Thats right. All about school spirit and pride and all sorts of
things Taeyeon never cared about. But the more Tiffany talked about it the more Taeyeon
considered the place.
It wasnt too far but it was far enough that could give them the opportunity to move from their
current apartments. Though she could see them there for a while longer, moving would only help
to solidify a new start if they werent planning to leave for the States.
She wondered if Jessica would go for it.
When?
Ill text you the information. Her phone found place in fingers painted in pink nail polish.
You should bring your girlfriend. Id like to meet her.
Taeyeon shrugged. Maybe.
Do your parents help pay for your apartment? Tiffany asked. Taeyeon tensed. I only ask
because its crazy you can afford a place alone when youre both still studying.
We, uh
Sorry. Its your business, she shrugged, but I still want to meet her.
Taeyeon sided-eyed Tiffany as she fiddled with old receipt papers and scattered pencils behind
the counter. They clinked into a cup as she put them back into their rightful places. What about
Nichkhun?
Me and Khun? Tiffany laughed.
Taeyeons cheeks flared red with embarrassment.

106
It was an old crush. I havent been in anything serious since I moved from Cali.
California Cali?
Surprise!
Why did you- nevermind.
Its okay to ask. Tiffany grinned. She pushed herself up to sit along the counter, legs dangling.
Youre not the only one who had a high school sweetheart.
What, uh Taeyeon leaned against the back wall across from her, what happened?
I left the States to start over. My mom lives here so I moved in with her the summer after I
graduated High School. A heavy sigh dropped down her shoulders. She leaned back, balancing
her weight on the heel of her hands. My dad didnt want me to go, but he saw how miserable I
was. I left my friends, my family, my girlfriend at the time because I needed it.
Why?
You find out a lot about yourself when you get away, her eyes glazed over as if she were
replaying the old memories through her mind. Taeyeon had ever seen her look so pensive. I
didnt like where I was or who I was becoming so I hit restart.
How did you leave...her?
Yoona and I, Tiffany shook her head, changing course. It was hard at first, but Im happy I
did it.
I cant imagine my life without her. Taeyeon found herself muttering.
Youre worried about after graduation arent you? She asked. Taeyeon shyly dropped her
head. Right now is the hardest time for both of you. Things are changing, whats next scares
you, and youre trying to sort everything out. She might still be trying to figure out the same
about you.
What if it sometimes feels like the opposite?
Suddenly her mind filled up with the idea of leaving Jessica behind. Of erasing her. Of purging
her life of the girl who had been in every part of the reshaping of her life thus far. It felt wrong to
think of such. It was terrifying.
If she is who you say she is and shes the one you see a future with, dont give up. The smile
Tiffany cast her was sad but understanding. Yoona wasnt that for me.
Taeyeon hoped Jessica was still that for her.

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-/-/-/Beads of rain water shook off Taeyeons umbrella onto the carpeted floor. Beside her Jessica
rubbed her feet along the entrance mat while a hand tried to tame her hair. She thanked the lady
on the bus for lending them her pocket umbrella when the surprise rain hit, but the small thing
was hardly enough to keep the both of them dry.
You owe me new sudes. Jessica muttered bitterly, staring down at her shoes.
Taeyeon rolled her eyes. They were late to the event no thanks to her girlfriend who had to
change at least three times before she was satisfied. Taeyeon could tell she was doing out of
nervous energy. Why? She wasnt so sure.
Theyre already seating. Taeyeon tugged on her wrist, pulling them along the long expanse of
hallway that led to the auditorium. She could hear voices die down inside giving way to a
melody she guessed had to be the school song.
Taeyeon, hey!
She slowed down just before they could slip into the door after a couple of boys. At the opposite
side of the hall, Tiffany and Nicole waved from where they manned a table of blank nametags
and sharpies.
Hey, uh, Taeyeon looked away from Tiffanys smiling face over to Jessica. Sica this is
Tiffany. You know from work? And this is-
Nicole, she extended a hand to shake Jessicas. Ill make your nametags for you.
Sharpie fumes took to the air as she popped open a marker.
Its nice to meet you, Tiffany beamed. Taeyeon felt Jessicas hand tighten on her arm no doubt
struck by Tiffanys bright smile Im glad you both could make it. Taeyeons a very hard
worker.
Jessica laughed politely. She would work herself to death if I wasnt around to remind her what
fun is.
Youre probably her favorite type of fun.
And the only, Jessica countered, pulling Taeyeon closer to her. It only served to expand the
smirk on Tiffanys face. Taeyeons cheeks burned. We should get inside.
Right, Taeyeon plucked the sticky nametag from Nicoles finger and pressed it to the front of
her shirt. Jessica did the same. Well see you after?

108
Enjoy! Tiffany waved them off after passing them both a plastic bag of university
paraphernalia.
They entered into the auditorium to a chorus of applause that masked their apologies as they
squeezed into a couple seats towards the center of the back row.
Barbie much? Jessica whispered once they settled.
Dont. Tiffanys nice.
Does she have to smile like that? Jessica mocked her grin.
Taeyeon shushed her just in time for the next speaker to take the podium.
Overzealous presenters took the mic one by one each one more boring than the previous as they
went from talking about all of the fun and games across campus and into more serious matters.
Taeyeon hung on, jotting things with a pen and piece of paper she found in the plastic goodie
bag.
Lights dimmed for a slide presentation while Jessica flipped through a booklet in her lap. She
had stopped listening after the break down of fields and their costs and hadnt tuned back in.
The presenter popped a joke and the audience laughed. Jessica sighed and stuffed the booklet
away before getting up.
Taeyeon waited for her through a skit and a speech before she slipped out of the auditorium. The
hall was empty save for Jessica who sat on a bench, eyes on her phone. Taeyeon frowned.
You couldnt wait?
Jessicas head jerked up, staring at her like a naughty child caught in the act.
One hour, Sica. Thats all I asked you to give me.
Its not what you think-
Taeyeon snatched the phone from her hand. Something she had never done. Jessica was too
stunned to react in time but something told Taeyeon she wouldnt fight for it back. They didnt
hide secrets like that from one another but there was this perpetual feeling that there was
something on the outside that was picking at them and tearing them apart.
Her eyes scanned over the screen. English letters were typed out in choppy patterns. Whatever it
said wasnt completed yet. The number in the sender line was unknown. She had lost this battled.
The screen went dark and she tightened her fingers around it.

109
Her eyes met Jessicas that were on her phone, anxious to get it back, but their was an anxiety of
something else on her. One that had turned Jessicas shoulders rigid.
Whats with you?
Jessica snapped up to look into her face. She looked pale. Color came back into the place she had
chewed into her lip in the same way her mind slipped back into the moment. Why was she
slipping? Taeyeon had never seen Jessica slip like this.
Can we go home?
Whats wrong? She felt the same she did the previous night when Jessica laid her out gently
and touched her as if Taeyeon would crumble beneath her fingers.
It's this place." Jessicas eyes swept the empty hallway. Applause sounded from inside signaling
the end. Seats creaked. Tiffanys familiar voice echoed from somewhere around a corner
matched with Nicoles. I dont want to be here anymore.
At least stay for the tour.
Im tired.
This is a good school for us.
Taeyeon could see she wanted to say no. Instead she got a low, okay.
Bodies broke out from the auditorium doors, filling up the hall around them. Tiffany called out
for them and just like that Jessica composed herself, erasing the frown on her lips with a neutral
pull at the corners.
Were leading one of the tours so you can come with us. Tiffany informed.
Taeyeon looked to Jessica one more time for reassurance. She got a stiff nod. Okay.
Well start once we get a big enough group. Tiffany pulled away, waving her arms and calling
out for people to join their group while Nicole hand out small umbrellas to those who didnt have
one.
Do you like it here? Jessica asked, tightly.
Its not the start over we wanted, but we could make it work.
A hand slipped into Taeyeons. She felt Jessicas clammy palm sticky against hers.
Taeyeons eyes narrowed, searching Jessicas face. It was quick. It was subtle. But she saw it in
the way Jessicas eyes darted around the bustling lobby then back to hers. Fear.

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Were ready! Nicole yelled out before Taeyeon could say anymore.
Giving Jessicas hand a squeeze, Taeyeon led them away.
-/-/-/Night took over school windows and Taeyeon yawned.
Papers and books and notes sat fanned out along a table accompanied by her, Yuri, and Sunny.
Just the three of them. Taeyeons mind wandered to days in the past when Jessica would poke at
her with the eraser to her pencil and jot things into the margins of Taeyeons spiral. She was
always so impatient to get Taeyeon home.
Taeyeon stretched back in her chair, arms high above her head. Others studied throughout the
room, heads bent down and brows wrinkled into stress lines in daunting expressions. Cram
school. Even Taeyeon was feeling overwhelmed.
The harsh vibration of a phone further roke concentration. Yuri picked up her cell with a yawn.
I think Ill go home. It mustve been her parents messaging her. You?
Sunny had her eyes glued into math equations. She was the type to run herself ragged before
giving up. Taeyeon offered Yuri a weak smile.
Ill see her off. Go on.
Yuri packed. A new wave of tiredness entered in with her leave. Taeyeon rubbed at her eyes. An
all too knowing gnaw chewed at her stomach before growling out. Sunnys head picked up.
Taeyeon noted the bags under her eyes.
Hungry?
She shrugged.
Lets get out of here and eat, Sunny suggested. She had probably had it with math kicking her
ass. The calculator in her hands clicked shut. We can come back.
We should just pack up and leave.
Sunny answered by loading up her things. Taeyeon felt the stiffness in her limbs as she got up
and followed her out into the halls and through until night air greeted them out the doors.
The path Sunny headed was down to the square. Street food, as Sunny mentioned, was the best
brain food. Taeyeon just figured she needed to fill herself up with a bit of junk after cramming
her head with systematic equations and perfectly strung sentences of foreign dialogues.

111

Taeyeon went to pay the vendor after they made their selection, but her hand was waved away.
Cash passed from Sunnys hands before she could protest at, keep the change.
So you take my advice.
They settled at a table with wobbly fold up chairs. Taeyeon licked at her lips, savoring the taste
of grilled chicken in her mouth. She never did purchase those cooking manuals.
What advice?
I saw the letter in your folder. Sunny sat back, one foot thrown up on the table.
Oh.
What did it say?
She shook her head. There was no need to explain what-ifs at this time of night. She was too
tired to get into it. Id have to take their version of tests first.
Will you?
I have a few options.
Sunny let out a long breath that sent strands of hair flying up off her face. I guess its time for
me to accept fate then.
Taeyeon smiled through her grimace. If she could, shed take them all away. Get a house
together and create their mismatched family from scratch.
But that kind of wishful thinking was wasteful.
Trash tossed into a bin, the two headed out. There was no rush to get back home. The food in her
stomach had woken Taeyeon up. Shed walk Sunny at least halfway home before catching a cab
to her side of town. She missed the times when theyd walk everywhere together, side by side,
painting the town with her laughter and banter.
Hey, Sunny? Taeyeon started. Suddenly she didnt want to go back home at all. Maybe they
could rekindle something tucked up in Sunnys room laughing about the fact she still had those
kiddie posters up from junior high.
Yeah?
She bit her lip, eyes on the ground as she asked, do you think I could stay the-

112
She collided hard with Sunnys back and bounced off. Regaining her bearings, Taeyeon looked
up to see Sunny frozen in place.
Isnt that- she squinted at something across the street. Thats Jessica.
Taeyeons stomach dropped.
Through the windows of a coffee shop, she watched helplessly as Boa took Jessicas chin in
delicate fingers and brought their lips together in a chaste kiss. Blonde hair tucked behind
Jessicas ear with a stroke and she smiled shyly as Boa muttered something to her.
Taeyeon?
Taeyeon didnt move.
Who is that with her? Sunnys faced her. Taeyeon, say something.
I
Did you not just see what I saw?
It isnt like that.
What? What are you talking about? Taeyeon she- Sunnys horror melded with confusion. Did
you know about this? How can you stand there and watch when the girl thats supposed to be - I
dont know - in love with you is cheating on you?
Taeyeons neck finally turned to look Sunny straight in the face. Shes not cheating.
Are you blind!
She- Shes not. She doesnt cheat, Sunny. This- this is what she does.
Taeyeon felt at a loss as Sunny expression twisted more and more the longer she rambled. But
there was no way out. there was no other way to explain it way to Sunny without finally telling
the truth.
There are clients and she meets with them and they pay her and its-its her job.
Oh, god.
I was going to tell you.
How long has this been going on?

113
Before me. It was lower than a whisper, but Sunny heard it. She looked mortified. I didnt
know at first. She kept it a secret, but when we got serious she-
Stop. Just stop. Sunny rubbed at her forehead, eyes pinching shut. How could I have been so
stupid? How could you? And all this time.
I wanted to tell you but I was scared.
You or her? She snapped. Taeyeon took a step backwards. Was it because she knew if I found
out Id tell you to leave her? She was right.
I wont.
Of course, Sunny coughed out a sardonic laugh. And I bet you expect me to just be okay with
my best friend dating a prostitute.
Taeyeons fist balled. Dont call her that.
I call it how it is. Sunny sighed, head dropping away. How do you live like this? How will
you- no. Nevermind, I dont want to know.
Sunny-
No, no, no. Dont, a hand raised up to silence her. Not right now. Im trying really hard not to
say anything thatll make you hate me.
Taeyeon shivered where she stood, watching as Sunny paced to the curb away from her.
Im sorry, okay? She tried. What else could she do?
Forget about it, Taeng. Sunny shook her head. Go home.
You too.
Sunny scoffed. Turning on her heels, she started off down the street.
Taeyeon lingered where she stood, watching Sunnys back fade off into the distance before she
started off the opposite way.
-/-/-/Jessica was in the middle of putting away newly cleaned dishes when Taeyeon came home.
You said you wouldnt see her again.
Jessica turned back to face where Taeyeon stood in the doorway.

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She could see Jessica reeling through her catalogue of responses until she landed on one. There
was no reason to ask who Taeyeon was talking about. There was no reason for her to ask how
she knew. There was only one reason - one way. Jessica knew better than to lie.
We only met for-
I dont care, Taeyeon snapped. I dont like her - I dont trust her. I dont trust her with you.
Why are you so angry? If only youd listen to-
Sunny saw you. Jessicas lips parted in shock. She knew the day would come but not like this.
Why did you meet her?
We were only talking.
Taeyeons eyebrow cocked. Talking?
Its not just sex, Taeng, Jessica snarled back, fueled by Taeyeons anger. A lot of them only
want to talk. I like talking to Boa. She listens to me.
I dont?
Youre doing a hell of a good job of that right now.
Talk. Taeyeon crossed her arms, leaning against the doorframe. Im listening.
Im not going to talk to you when youre like this. Jessica shook her head, looking away. I
know youre upset about Sunny but don't take it out on me. I didnt do anything.
If you were with us tonight none of this wouldve happened.
Studying with all of you is the last place I want to be. Jessica muttered.
I can help you with school work, but the entrance exams-
I dont care.
How the hell are you going to grad-
I was expelled!
-what? Air sucked out of the room.
Jessica turned away from her back to the sink. Her shoulders bent inwards, tight with coiled
tension. Taeyeon felt her anger simmer away into confusion. How had she not know? How had

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she missed it?
When?
A moment passed before Jessica muttered out, a month ago.
Taeyeon thought back. She remembered Jessica saying she was in the office. It was the last time
she had truly seen Jessica at school. Was that
Why didnt you tell me?
Im not like you, A nervous hand ran through her hair as she turned around to lean against the
sink counter. Arms curved around her body then in attempts to shield any disappointment
Taeyeon would throw at her. School? Work? Its not me. Sitting in those classrooms doesnt
keep a roof over our head. This is how I know to support you.
We can figure it out.
What am I going to write on my resume? Fucks well with others?
Taeyeon hardened. This isn't a joke."
Thats what I am to you, arent I?
What? Taeyeon blinked, taken aback. Where was this coming from? No!
Im not good at anything else and you cant accept that.
You dont even try.
Reaching behind her, Jessica pulled an envelope from off the top of the fridge.
How is this, the envelope slapped down onto the countertop, not trying?
Money figures in amounts Taeyeon could not even process as real blared up from a bills that had
slid out of the envelope. There was no need to ask where it came from. It instantly made the cash
dirty.
I went to get that. All she was doing was saying goodbye. Im not seeing her anymore.
Its not about money. Taeyeon turned back up to her from the envelope. She saw Jessicas
mouth open but she went on. Three months. That's all we have left. I want the rest after to be
with you, but the Jessica I imagined that with, I don't see anymore."
"What are you still doing here?

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Yeah, what am I?
Jessicas teeth clicked shut.
With no more to say she left.

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Part VI
Taeyeon almost thought it was a dream.
But all the dreams that happened in her house ended up with her parents faces twisting into
hideous shapes with long arms that stretched out for Taeyeon and Jessica who were trying to run
for safety.
The familiar morning sounds of her dad readying for work and her mother making sure Hayeon
was dressed for school carried through the hall. She would usually be the next to receive a knock
on her door reminding her not to be late. Many years of a broken routine, no knock came.
Taeyeon rolled onto her side. The absence of another warm body beside her caught her off guard.
She wasnt used to it. The springs in the mattress werent worn in to accommodate two. The
space she laid in now was an old uncomfortable hollow.
She got up.
Taeyeon watched from the shade of the stairs, hair still damp from a shower and crisp uniform
on. Her mother fussed over the lousy way Hayeon did up her hair. Her sister waved it away and
slipped out of her hands.
Taeyeon drew in a breath when Hayeon looked back at her before pulling open the door. She
wouldn't forget the faint smile she saw on her lips before she left. Taeyeon knew it was the
beginning of their apology. Now all she needed to do was say the words.
"You'll be late too."
Taeyeon's gaze shifted back to her mother.
She had been the one to let her inside when she showed up in the night, red puffy eyes still damp
with tears and cheeks blown pale from cold.
She hadn't asked what happened. Taeyeon was sure she knew it had to do with Jessica. She
expected words like, "good riddance" and fussy whispers between her parents about how,
"finally she came to her senses".
But something in her mother's eyes said understanding which only made Taeyeon's shoulders
shake more. Maybe her mother had finally seen that just because Jessica was a girl with a rocky
mysterious past, it did not discount the fact that what Taeyeon had - has - with her was real. It
hurt all the same.
"I'll pack you a lunch."
"It's okay." She descended the last few stairs, hands clutching at her backpack straps.

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Just in the background she saw her father straighten out his tie. He shot her a small smile and
Taeyeon looked away. She hadn't expected the kindness of her parents so soon. It made her
uneasy, but at the same time it relieved her. Being back in her old bed sans terse arguments and
warped expressions had left her with light shoulders and a sigh of relief. However, there was still
much to do.
"I'm leaving now."
"I'll take you."
Taeyeon opened her mouth, but the words to decline died in her throat.
Instead she strapped herself into the passenger seat beside her father with her backpack scraping
at her knees from where it rested on the floorboards between her legs.
"Things won't always be easy."
Taeyeon's eyes shifted over to him.
"You two are still young. One major fight feels like the end of the world, but if that were true
you or Hayeon wouldnt be here today."
Her head swiveled to look out the car window.
"I feel like I'm losing her." It was the first time she had admitted to someone out loud how she
truly felt.
It was like Jessica was trying to do all the right things in all the wrong ways. Like she was
maneuvering behind the scenes trying to keep Taeyeon from seeing. However, no matter how
many times Taeyeon prodded for answers, she was dodged and left in the dark.
The car slowed as they approached the school. Through the window she could see Yuri waiting
for her just past the entry gates. Sunny was nowhere to be seen.
"We let Jessica down too, back then."
Taeyeon's hand tightened on the handle.
"She's a strong girl." Her father let out a sigh, "but she was always weak when it came to you. I
don't know if you noticed, but Jessica would've given you the ocean if you asked for it."
Taeyeon peered up at him, brow furrowed. Of course she knew how much Jessica loved her. Of
course she knew Jessica would do anything for her, just as Taeyeon would in return.
She wondered when her dad had picked up on it. When had he paid such close attention to them

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to know?
"What does that have to do with anything?"
"Just like with your mother," he pushed on a smile, "there's always more in what they're not
saying."
Taeyeon dropped her head. "Thank you for driving me."
Cold rushed into the car as she pushed open the door and got out.
Walking up to the gates, Taeyeon wondered. It wasn't about what Jessica wasn't saying. It was
about what she wasn't doing. But Taeyeon could be wrong on that too.
-/-/-/Lunch was uncomfortably quiet.
Taeyeon picked at the glob of food in her tray. Her eyes found Sunny finally making her way
through the line. She chanced a glance over to Yuri and Taeyeon's table before sinking down to
sit with a different group.
"Why do I get the feeling your dad dropping you off and Sunny avoiding us are connected?"
"She knows about Jessica." The fork on the way to Yuri's mouth stopped.
"What happened?"
Taking in a heave of a breath, she explained it. From Jessica's first night with Boa, to the joint
dinner, to Joonhyung, to their fight. She explained all the little things - her talk with Sunny, her
outings with Tiffany, the shady moments of meeting Boa before she knew who she was. She
admitted about Jessica being expelled, the way she had closed up, and what had pushed her
enough to end up sleeping in her old bed once again.
"Why would you go through with something like that?" Yuri hissed.
Out of everything, the evening with Boa had shocked Yuri the most. With good reason. They had
put themselves into a compromising position. Anything couldve happened.
"Wouldn't you?" Taeyeon combatted. "I saw that girl in our apartment and I panicked."
Looking back Taeyeon saw all the ways it could've been avoided. She saw all the mistakes. She
saw how her want to please and her own fears clouded her judgement. She saw how they had
both tripped and stumbled and stuttered into the place they were now.

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Fingers threaded through her hair, combing it back with simmering frustration. The foundation
was shaky. Her feet, unstable. Inside her head were words of finality. Words like, "You don't
have to stay. We don't have to do this together. We can end this today."
They were words that could save her from more heartache, but in the wake of it all she knew
there would be more.
"I don't know what to do." It slipped out of her lips in desperation.
Yuri's hand settled, placing her fork onto her tray. There was a mirrored worry on her. If anyone
was betting on them, it was Yuri. She was on the outside looking in, and had done more for them
throughout the years than Taeyeon could be thankful for. She knew Yuri would be hurt just as
much as her if everything were to suddenly break.
Sica has always been the type to do what she wants with or without anyone," said Yuri. Elbows
on the table, she leaned a chin onto the heel of her hand, eyes drawn to the empty chair Jessica
would occupy. "She's the kind you can't change their mind when they've already made it. Shes
made her mind up about you a long time ago.
I thought we did too. That's why I don't understand."
The slow push she was giving to every one of Taeyeon's pulls had left Taeyeon tired.
"She's pushing herself."
"She doesn't have to." Because Taeyeon was there. She was there and willing and open.
If the sacrifices she had made, her constancy, her willingness to stay against the reality of the
things Jessica did didn't prove that, what did?
Jessica lived most of her life believing she was never good enough. Youre the one who made
her realize she was," Yuri's gaze flickered to find hers, "but, right now, youre probably also the
reason she thinks she isnt.
How? Ive done everything.
Because you do everything, Taeng."
Taeyeons brow creased.
Yuris eyebrows knitted together in irritation. She got weird whenever you got that job.
When she was expelled, Taeyeon thought.
And then it clicked.

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Jessica was worried she couldnt keep up. She was afraid her inability to reach the highest that
Taeyeon had would end up with her being left behind. Though Jessica had done so much to
support them through the years, the moment she started to realize Taeyeon could do it herself,
her nerves got the best of her.
She got desperate. She shut down. She blocked Taeyeon out. Self sabotage in a way that would
ensure Taeyeon could keep going forward without the weight of a second rate burden shackled to
her ankles.
It was the same when she ran away.
Taeyeon thought back. Way, way back to a late night, knees pulled up to her chest in her bed
while Jessica laid beside her. When Taeyeon asked her why she would never go back to her
family.
Theyre better off without me.
There had been so much hurt left in her. So many knots in the ropes her parents had tied around
her wrists pulling her one way and another trying to rip out what they wanted from her. They
wanted better. So Jessica gave them the best.
She left.
But Taeyeon wasnt better off without her. They had helped build each other and there was so
much more to create.
-/-/-/I dont think Jessica likes me very much.
Taeyeon snorted. She wouldn't tell Tiffany that Jessica had gotten her fill of making fun of
Tiffanys bubbly personality. It hardly meant she didnt like her. She was only cautious of her.
Taeyeon found it endearing.
She had never seen Jessica act so protective of her. Possibly because there had never come a
threat on Taeyeons end. Ironic, Taeyeon thought. What would things have been like if it were
Taeyeon coming and going every night with Jessica waiting on her?
Taeyeon didnt want to entertain the thought.
Shes three years younger than me and I was scared. Tiffany pouted and Taeyeon laughed. She
looked very much like a worried puppy. Im serious. I thought she was going to chop off my
head when I made that joke.
I did tell her to leave her axe at home.

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Tiffany threw a pen at her. It only served to make Taeyeon laugh more.
Tiffany rolled her eyes. So youre probably not going to be around here much longer.
Taeyeon tilted her head, body leaned against the front counter. What do you mean?
Your girlfriend was asking Nicole about places abroad. She wanted to know of any scholarships
since Nicole is here on them. Tiffany shrugged, missing Taeyeons confused expression. You
never mentioned anywhere outside of here so I didnt think you were interested.
I was. But I dont know anymore. Taeyeon chewed the inside of her lip, mulling over why
Jessica wouldve asked about something like that. They hadnt talked about it and Taeyeon
hadnt showed Jessica the letter she received. There didnt seem to be a reason to. Not when they
couldn't start a conversation about it without ending up in an argument.
Are you two planning to go together? Asked Tiffany.
Taeyeon felt the easy air between them quickly dissipate. She thought back to the open house, to
the way Jessica had walked out. The restlessness that had consumed her throughout the day. She
hadnt said a word throughout the tour and her mind had seemed in a thousand other places.
It had angered Taeyeon in the beginning, but now thinking back she wondered if Jessicas mind
had really just been overrun and overwhelmed with what was next. She wondered if the
scholastic buildings and the academic jargon had thrown her into this frenzied state behind bars
that Taeyeon could not reach into.
Thats what we hope. Taeyeon answered after a moment.
Tiffany smiled, but there was something about it that was sad. As if she had seen the way
Taeyeon had grown wary and tense.
I wish I wouldve met someone like you instead of Yoona. Maybe I wouldn't have felt the need
to run away.
Taeyeon felt heat rise up to her neck. Red sprang to her cheeks when Tiffany ruffled her hair and
she ducked from beneath the hand with a scowl that only made TIffany laugh. She was about to
tell her to be quiet when a figure coming through the entrance caught her eye.
Everything inside of Taeyeon burned with a strange mix of anger and fear. Tiffany saw her face
pale and she swiveled her head back to where Boa was nonchalantly glancing about the store.
Do you know her?
Dont let her see me. Taeyeon hissed, back turning before Boas eyes could sweep along the
store in her direction.

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Tiffanys eyebrows creased. Take a dressing room.
Taeyeon slipped away from the front counter. She heard Tiffanys voice bright and loud in her
usual, Hi! How may I help you today? just as she locked the latch to a dressing room.
Sitting on the bench, Taeyeon counted her breaths in attempts to calm herself down, but her
pulse still raced.
Just the thought of Boa made her simmer. The sight of her made her see red. Made her see lush,
pink lips pulled back and parted with lust. Taeyeon's stomach curled when she remembered how
they pressed into Jessicas in front of her. How those delicate, pale fingers brushed hair from
Jessicas face with a care that mocked Taeyeon.
Bitterness like bile filled Taeyeon. What they had seen as a gift to get them out had turned on its
head. Boa had been a wolf in sheeps clothing they had willingly let in. And now by force they
would have to purge of her, erase her, dig out all the little seeds of doubt and pain and betrayal
she had planted.
Taeyeon? Tiffany knocked on the door. Shes gone.
Opening the door, Taeyeon looked up into Tiffanys face that colored with worry when she saw
how pale she had become.
Who is she? Did she do something to you?
And Jessica. Taeyeon swallowed the nasty taste in the back of her throat. She saw the curiosity
in Tiffanys expression but shook her head. You should get back to the register. Ill manage the
floor.
TIffany nodded slowly and stepped back to let Taeyeon out.
She hadnt thought it before, but maybe she would quit this job. If only to avoid running into that
woman ever again.
-/-/-/The taps on her window were something Taeyeon hadnt heard in years.
The part of her still lingering in the land of subconsciousness almost made her ignore it. Reality
slipped back in, opening eyes still painted with sleep. The tap, tap, tap grew more insistent. This
was not a dream.
The hardwood on her soles froze her down to the core as she made for the window. Jessicas face
was distorted through the condensation smeared glass. The sight of her hit Taeyeon like a truck.
The hidden cravings she had for Jessica sprang back up and her fingers tingled to touch her.

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Pushing back the curtains, Taeyeon undid the latches and pulled it up.
It was like the first months all over again. Taeyeon watched Jessica pull herself up and over. She
had gotten clumsy at it. Years of owning keys to their very own apartment had dampened the
muscle memory.
The window closed with a click and they stared at each other. Jessicas shoulders gave a shake.
Taeyeon could feel her body radiating with cold. The layers draped on her were hardly enough to
man the weather but Jessica never did dress properly for any season.
Yuri told me you were here, she said.
Taeyeon thought it was obvious where she had gone without the tip. Or maybe not. Even she was
surprised to have run back to her parents. Where else would she really have gone?
You could catch a cold that way.
Im sorry about Sunny, she said. Taeyeons eyebrows lifted and Jessica relented. And Im
sorry about Boa.
That isnt going to work.
What will?
The truth. Jessicas mouth opened only to shut right after. Taeyeon sighed. If you have
nothing to say, then leave.
Taeng, wait-
I have been waiting, she hissed. Jessica took a step back from her. Taeyeon couldnt remember
a time she had seen Jessica look so helpless. So frightened. Ive been waiting months, Jessica.
Months for you to just talk to me. Tell me whats going on.
I needed time. Her voice broke in an unrestrained plead. Taeyeon forced herself not to give in.
Not that easily. She was tired of giving in so easily. She was tired of swallowing down her hurt.
Was that time more important than us? Was going to Boa more important than my trust? Than
our future?
I have been doing all of this for us. For our future.
Have you? Because right now Im not sure if you still want to be a part of it.
Taeyeon saw her words strike Jessica in the chest and her lashes fluttered from the shock. How
can you say that? Her voice was quiet.

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You havent given me any reason not to think that.
Jaw clenched, Jessica moved forward, hand setting something down onto the bed. She lifted back
to reveal a name badge. A folded apron followed right after, plopping onto the mattress.
I start Monday.
Taeyeon looked her over. What? When did you?
Ive been looking for weeks, she admitted. Donghae has been helping me. Boa did too
until...
Taeyeon remembered the night she and Sunny spotted the two in the coffee shop. It was the same
place printed on Jessicas name tag.
Why wouldnt you tell me about any of this?
I didnt want to disappoint you. If I couldn't do it were the words left unsaid. Jessica took in a
slow breath. Please, dont give up on me. Ive already done that to myself, but I thought
maybe... maybe this could help.
Jessica, you-
Im scared about everything, about the future, about what the hell is happening to us. The
thought of losing you - it kills me. Her shoulders shook and Taeyeon had to look away. I dont
know what to do anymore, but I know I dont want to do it alone. Not again. Not like this.
You were never a joke to me. Taeyeons eyes shifted to her and Jessica sucked in a breath. I
wouldnt be at home waiting for you every night if I thought you werent worth it.
Tae-
What you do, I never could. Taeyeon cast her eyes up to stare at the ceiling. I act like Im
okay, but every time youre gone I had to remind myself that you really are all mine even though
so many people have touched you.
She saw Jessica take a step towards her but stopped when Taeyeon wrapped her arms around
herself. All the years flooded back to her at once. From the day in this very room that Jessica had
told her the truth to the time she had laid beneath her on Boas couch.
Taeyeon remembered their fights in the beginning. How Jessica reassured her every time. How
she had been disgusted to even look at Jessica some nights. But still, she remained. Out of silly
love she had remained, and after time, that frilly love had solidified into something much more
serious and pure and trusting.

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But Taeyeon had learned that was not enough, and she could see it in Jessica that she knew it
too. They had met yet another chasm in their long journey forward and they were at the front
lines, caught in the crossfire that would either tear them apart or build them stronger to keep on.
Tell me whats enough, Jessica pleaded. Taeyeon had to look away from her a moment, if only
to maintain her own strength. Tell me what to do and Ill do it.
It was never about this, her hand motioned to the things on the bed.
Both pairs of eyes followed the gesture. Taeyeon still could not believe all Jessica had done
without her knowing.
It wasnt about you quitting. Jessica, I need you here. Taeyeon found her eyes again and she
forced herself to hold onto those watery pools. I need you to do this with me. Im scared too,
but nothing's scarier than thinking everything you planned for years suddenly doesnt matter.
That the person you saw it all with doesnt care anymore.
I wanted you to have it all.
I do - we will. Taeyeon closed the distance between them, head dipping to find Jessicas gaze
that had dropped away from her. But thatll only happen if youre here. We have to do it
together. Forget the money.
I tried so hard.
Were going to be okay.
Because of you. Jessicas voice was small and brittle. It was so unlike the girl who walked into
crowded rooms and commanded like she owned every bit of it. I saw the letter from the States.
We can go. Ive looked up apartments. Ill get a real job, you can go to school, and we can start
over.
Taeyeon closed her eyes. She had been made to start believing in herself. In where she could go.
With or without Jessica, Taeyeon had forged her assurance herself. But it was with Jessica she
wanted to keep doing everything with. Even if she could do it on her own, she chose Jessica.
Or we can stay here. She reached out, brushing at the tear that had rolled down Jessicas cheek.
She could finally see past all the barricades. She could see through the darkness Jessica had tried
to keep Taeyeon in. And it broke her. We used to have a reason to leave, but maybe we dont
have to anymore.
Sunny had been right. She - the others - that was who she had. They had. Slowly but surely, they
would have her parents back too. The season of struggling on their own, of believing all they had
was each other, was slowly coming to an end.

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Im in love with you, Taeyeon. Jessicas shoulders shook. Please, teach me how to love you
in a way that will never make you doubt.
The only one who doubted you was you. Taeyeon cupped her face. Let me in again.
Lips pressed into hers and she relented.
And all Taeyeon could do was feel and breathe.
This was the realness that Jessica claimed was only with her and it was the reassurance that
Jessica was the one for her.
-/-/-/Taeyeon didnt waste a second to bid her excuse to the boy she clipped running out of class.
These days Sunny had made it a point to avoid her the best she could. Evading her in the locker
room during P.E. and taking her lunches to eat on the far side of the cafeteria with a group of
kids she had undoubtedly made fast friends with.
She skipped going to her own locker to slip down the hall where Sunnys was located and she
approached the opened metal door that hid her face just behind it. Taeyeon saw Sunnys neck
tighten.
Ill give you ten seconds to walk away.
Before you do what?
Dont test me, Kim Taeyeon. Sunnys fingers wrapped around the locker door and gave it a
push. It slammed hard enough to make Taeyeon jump. I may be small but I am not weak.
Then face the facts and talk to me.
Sunny bit into her bottom lip, eyebrow lifting as she looked Taeyeon over. Fights were not their
thing. Arguments came and went as quickly as they could rise.
Usually, it was Sunny whose resolve would wear the quickest. Her attitude was much too bright
and open to allow some petty discrepancy to taint the bond she had with her friends. A part of
Taeyeon wondered if this was the first crack. She wondered if they could be the same after
something like this had worked in trying to draw them asunder.
I have to study.
Taeyeon grabbed Sunnys arm before she could take another step. The glare she received almost
made her let go and let it be. But that was the hurt masked by anger talking. She held on instead.

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Stop holding back. She saw Sunnys jaw clench tighter. She knew there were a million things
Sunny wanted to spit at her but wouldn't. Not yet. Not when she was trying to tiptoe around the
subject of Jessica. But that was the last thing she needed Sunny to do. Stop trying to protect
me.
Someone has to.
I didnt ask for a second mom.
Whyd you move back home?
Taeyeons eyes widened as her grip loosened. Sunny pulled her arms up to cross at her chest. A
couple of students came down the hall and Taeyeon ducked her head as they passed them by and
disappeared around a corner.
Its nothing you need to worry about.
Oh. Okay. Fine. So you dont want me to be a friend at all. Is that it?
You know thats not true.
I overheard Yuri and Jessica talking once. I didnt want to believe it but- Sunny looked away
from her. "I wish you would've told me. I know Ive said some mean things, but you have to
understand. You're my best friend and Jessica, she-
She what?
The sigh Sunny let out was shaky. I wish she'd get it through her thick skull how precious you
are. I was scared for both of you that night. When I saw her and I saw the way you looked seeing
those two together... Its so wrong and twisted, Taeyeon. I dont know how you do it."
I trust her.
You trusted her. Sunny pointed out. But thats not what I saw in your face that night.
Taeyeons grip tightened on the straps of her backpack. She felt small and helpless and
vulnerable. The same way she did coming back to her parents that night. "We've been barely
holding on."
"That's what I mean. Sunny snapped, her voice echoing down the corridor. Taking a step closer,
she began again softer. You both leave your families, take in everything on your own, and try to
make us think you're okay when its obvious you're not. Stop it. Maybe then I won't feel like I
need to take a knife to her."
"Its over."

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"By that you mean Taeyeon knew the conclusion Sunny had jumped to. As much as she tried
to hide it, Taeyeon saw the horror on her face.
Taeyeon shook her head. She quit.
"Wow." Her lashes fluttered in relieved surprise.
And Taeyeon explained. Explained the night after Sunny found out, when Jessica came through
her window and started them at step one again. At least thats what it felt like to Taeyeon. Like
they had come full circle. Like not much had happened but inside Taeyeon could feel there had
been a dramatic shift in the plates of her life that created new land for her feet to mark a new
path along.
Im still mad at you. And her.
Taeyeon rolled her eyes. When will you stop hating her?
Sunny shrugged as they made way for the front exit. She could see Yuri waiting for them in the
courtyard.
Ill let you know.
Sunny.
Sunny sucked her teeth in mock irritation. We cant all love her in the same way you do,
Taeng.
Taeyeon watched, stunned as Sunny slid out the door first. Yuri startled at her sudden
appearance. Her gaze shifted to Taeyeon who nodded with a smile mirrored on full lips.
They fell into step along the familiar walk along the road, with Taeyeon pressed between them in
the middle. As the sun dipped further below the horizon she could feel it somewhere inside.
They were nearly whole again.
-/-/-/Receipt paper creased beneath Taeyeons fingers as she smoothed out another fold. Tucking a
flap, she admired her little paper made football and dropped it up on the register counter where
others were already littered along it. A pen holder served as her target and she prepared herself to
flick the little trianglular paper whenHi.
She jumped and her finger released. She watched it fly over the counter where it was swiftly
picked up into a pale hand and placed onto the countertop.

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Bored? Boa smiled.

Taeyeon kept herself from snatching her football away. She didnt need Boa putting her hands on
more things that belonged to her.
How may I help you?
Take a walk with me.
Im busy.
They both did a sweep of the store. Far back in a corner, Taeyeon spotted the other associate
picking through items and holding them up to himself. Sadly, it was the most action the clothes
had gotten in the past hour or so.
Itll only take a minute.
She flagged down Kibum to return to his post at the register before slipping out of the store. Just
across the hall, Boa waited for her. Once Taeyeon closed the distance between them, she started
walking. The emptiness of the mall only served to expand the awkward tension between them.
Taeyeon felt a layer of grime seep over her skin the further they went. Thoughts about how those
eyes had watched her, getting off on something meant to be precious and special for only she and
Jessica, made her feel dirty. It was still so surreal to her. For weeks now, everything had felt a
little unreal.
Ice cream?
Boa didnt give her a chance to decline or accept before she walked up to a ice cream vendor.
Taeyeon found it didnt really matter. Boa ordered a cup for herself. Vanilla bean. Jessica's
favorite.
They walked a bit more when Taeyeon grew impatient.
I have to go back to work."
Boa took another spoonful. She let it savor in her mouth, tongue licking up the remnants on her
lips before she said anything. "I came to offer an apology."
Taeyeon didn't flinch. She had seen it coming the moment she met Boa's stare. Though she had
to admit seeing her had surprised her.
I never wanted to come between the two of you. She went on. Taeyeon felt the heat in her
bloodstream flick on. She took in a breath before it could make her boil. I hadnt known you
two were so... serious.

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"Thats not an excuse.

No, its not. Boa easily agreed.
They stopped in front of a window display of another shop. Taeyeons eyes swept the blouses
but didnt see them. Her focus was all on Boas reflection staring back at her.
I care about Jessica. Shes..." Boa tapped the spoon against her lips, eyes turning up to the
ceiling in thought. It was the rawest Taeyeon had seen her look. "I didnt expect someone like
her when I sent that email. I cant expect you to understand why someone like me would even
make the request.
Was it all for sex?
Boa winced. No."
Taeyeon's eyebrow quirked. Boa caught her expression.
"Does that surprise you?"
Taeyeon shrugged.
When I met you the first time, things changed. Boa stuck her spoon bck into her ice cream but
didnt move to eat more. I asked her about you - asked if she was seeing someone. Boa tilted
her head, eyes wistful as she thought back. She probably told me too much.
You used it against us.
I didnt say my actions were justified.
Youre sick.
I wanted to buy her out. Boa turned to her. For a second Taeyeon didnt see the predator
wading in the darkness. All she saw was a sorry woman aware of her sins and degradation.
Shes so young - you both are.
"We don't need you taking care of us." She slithered. Boa's lips pressed into a line at the mention
of his name. There was such a glint of malice in her eye, Taeyeon culd almost believe Boa
genuinely did care about them and their wellbeing.
"Park Joonhyung won't bother you anymore," said Boa. "I had the authorities look into him.
Eyewitness accounts helped."
Taeyeon couldn't find it in herself to feel grateful. She wondered if Boa understood that what she

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did would only do so much. Even if he was taken into custody, how long would that last? A few
weeks? A couple months? But he was a familiar danger that they could handle.
If youre looking for a thank you, I wont give it.
Ive paid my dues. I don't need anything from you." Boa smiled, edges kinking up into a ghost
of a smirk. Taeyeon knew what she meant but she would revoke all credit to Boa for Jessica's
new job.
Dont come back. Taeyeon hardened. I dont want to see you again.
Thats fair, Boa sighed. There was an unmistakable hint of wistful sorrow to her tone. "I guess
this is goodbye."
Taeyeon scoffed.
With a bow of her head, Boa pulled away. Taeyeon watched her back as she made her way down
the hall and out the line of doors.
-/-/-/Taeyeon walked into the apartment with a hollow feeling in her chest. One that left her feeling
light rather than empty. One that made her kick off her shoes by the door without straightening
them out and hurry to the bedroom.
She stood at the entrance, shoulder leaning against the frame where she watched Jessica step
from the bathroom with strands of wet hair clinging to her pink scrubbed cheeks. She wore one
of Taeyeons old, faded t-shirts that hung on her frame more than it clung down to the tops of her
thighs.
Catching her staring, Jessica stopped to look over at her. The smell of coffee still hung in the air,
rivaling against that of shampoo and soap. Taeyeon breathed in the new combination of scents,
letting them fill a piece of the hollow part in her ribs.
Jessicas brow wrinkled, cheeks turning a deeper shade of pink. She never liked being stared at.
"Taeng?"
"I love you."
Jessicas mouth parted at the sudden confession. "I love you, too."
Taeyeon felt another fraction of the space inside of her swell with her words. They were enough
to draw her forward, hands snaking around Jessicas body. Dipping her head, Taeyeon kissed her
neck and goosebumps sprang up along her skin. Taeyeon kept kissing along her neck, relishing
in the familiar flavor of her skin that also tasted new.

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Whats gotten into you? Jessica sighed when Taeyeons teeth grazed along the pulsing vein up
her neck.
Nothing, she kissed up her jawline and brought her mouth back down to level with Jessicas. I
just love you.
Youre being weird.
I saw Boa today.
Jessica went rigid in her arms and Taeyeon pulled back enough to see her face. It had gone
ashen. It was then that Taeyeon realized it was Boa who had left the hollow feeling inside of her.
She had been the last tether to cut off - the last knife that had been twisted into her side. Though
she still wondered about so much. What all had Boa done for Jessica? What had Jessica truly felt
about Boa? What was Jessicas side of the story and was she aware of how deeply Boa had felt
towards her?
What happened?
Taeyeon shook her head. She reasoned there would be many more hours and days to figure it all
out. When they were a bit further removed and the wounds not yet fully closed were strong
enough to be poked and prodded at again.
Did she say something to you?
She came to apologize.
Jessica frowned. Im sorry, I told her not to talk-
Its okay.
Are you sure?
Taeyeon nodded. Boa was the last thing she wanted to talk about. There was no more Boa. There
were no more calls or texts in the night. No more offers or emails or requests.
With a tug, Taeyeon peeled the shirt from Jessicas body. She replaced cloth with her hands,
letting them roam across milky warmth while her mouth played along smooth skin.
"What're you doing to me?" Jessica panted, already breathless. Taeyeon ran her fingers along her
spine once again, if only to watch how her body reacted.
"Making you mine again."
"I always was."

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"Remind me."
Jessicas eyes lit up and Taeyeons body thrummed.
Hands pushed at her shoulders until mattress bumped the backs of her knees and she fell into the
blankets. Fingers reached for hers and Taeyeon tugged Jessica over her until she was consumed
by nothing but warmth.
-/-/-/Cold air blew through Taeyeons hoodie as she waited outside the karaoke bar.
It was a few more minutes before she saw the shadow of two figures coming up the walk.
Taeyeon stopped her pacing and squinted. Surprise came over her when she noticed that Sunny
was walking at Jessicas side, convenience store bags dangling from her hands.
Cars passed by on the road and the two made it across the street. Taeyeons eyes met Sunnys
first before they shifted to Jessica who was still dressed in all black from work, hair tied into a
high ponytail. They mustve run into each other on the way.
Taeyeon couldn't read the expressions on their faces, but by the way they walked side by side
Taeyeon could only hope the words passed between them hadnt been unkind.
Look who I fetched, said Sunny once they were close enough.
Jessica shot her a pointed look, but it hardly held the usual sting.
"See you two inside." Sunny slipped away, sending a glance over her shoulder to Jessica who
returned it with a nod.
What was that?
Jessica shrugged. There had been tiredness in her steps, but her eyes had lit up when they found
Taeyeon waiting. A truce.
Truce? Taeyeon held back her laugh. She would never understand those two, but she didnt
think she had to. They were two people who loved her in two different ways and cared for one
another in a way of their own.
"Sorry I'm late.
Taeyeon shook her head and pulled Jessica in the way she had been impatiently wanting to since
the end of classes. She smelt of coffee and sugar. Taeyeon smiled against her lips. She could get
used to that. No more skin warmed from other bodies or the lingering stench of foreigners
cologne left in her clothes.

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"Will this be the new way you greet me?"
"Do you like it?"
"I love it." Jessica pecked her lips. "But I can't say the same for everyone else."
Taeyeon glanced back to where Sooyoung stood inside, pretending to gag at the sight of them.
Cracking the door open, she yelled at them, Hurry up!
Jessica stole one more teasing kiss before Taeyeon grabbed her hand and led them towards the
entrance. Taewoo greeted them with a half hearted wave, nose still buried in another foreign
playboy. Sooyoung urged them to go on inside the booth while she split off down a separate
hallway.
"Look who got off her throne to join us." Yuri joked from where she sat on the floor, spinning an
empty bottle of soju along the center table.
Jessica smirked as she sauntered in. "Kiss my feet, peasant."
"In your dreams, bitch."
Taeyeon tugged at Jessica's hand, leading her down onto the couch just as Sooyoung entered,
arms full.
Everyone, grab a glass!
Hands reached up, taking shot glasses from Sooyoungs hands. With the tilt of Yuris wrist, she
filled them each to the brim from a new bottle Sooyoung brought. Sliding off the couch, Taeyeon
and Jessica joined the others on the floor around the table crowded with snacks, cans, and ashes
clumsily shaken from the tips of Yuris cigarettes.
Raise your glasses.
Sunny rolled her eyes. What is this?
Its a toast. Sooyoung stuck out her tongue. Sunny snapped her teeth in her direction and
Sooyoung winked, sending the short girls cheeks aflame.
To what? Asked Jessica. She snaked her hand into Taeyeons lap who grabbed onto it. Their
fingers twined together and for the first time in a very long time, and Taeyeon felt rooted
completely in the grasp.
To pending adulthood.
Everyone groaned.

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The only one here in danger of failing those exams is Yuri. Shes got more nicotine than
brains. Sunny joked. A nervous pang filled Taeyeons chest. They were only a day off from the
exams.
Yuri narrowed her eyes, already annoyed by Sunnys antics. You know what-
Shut it both of you.
Shut it both of you. Sunny mocked.
Can we drink already? Said Jessica, head leaning against Taeyeons shoulder. We dont need
to toast.
Why dont we toast to us?
Yuris eyebrow cocked. Us?
All of us. Taeyeon shrugged. As friends. Us.
Aww, how sweet. Sunny teased. Sooyoung kicked at her under the table.
To us? Sooyoung looked around at each face.
To us! Everyone chorused.
Heads went back and glasses banged back down onto the table. The shot tingled all the way
down Taeyeons throat and she licked her lips once before another pair claimed hers. A buzz
came to her in the form of Jessica while intoxication took hold of her with the swift way a tongue
sneakily slipped into her mouth and lapped away what remains of alcohol was left.
And to us, Jessica murmured against her mouth once they pulled apart.
God. Way to rub it in. Sunny grumbled.
If youre that desperate-
Sunny hadnt the chance to react when Sooyoung took her by the collar and pulled her in. Yuri
hollered in shocked celebration while Taeyeons mouth fell open.
Sooyoung was up and gone as quickly as she planted the kiss, leaving a stunned Sunny in her
wake.
Im filing a complaint, Choi Sooyoung! Sunny yelled, face nothing but red as she got up to
chase the girl.

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Taeyeon could hear Sooyoungs laughter and Sunnys quick, fussy words in the distance before
they were choked off leaving only the crackly music coming from the speakers in the air.
About time. Smoke seeped from Yuris grinning lips as she started up a new song.
Pulling on her hand, Jessica led Taeyeon onto the couch where they sprawled out - Jessica
resting along her length. She turned enough for Jessica to rest her head along her chest and
shuddered when she felt a kiss brush against the skin beneath her chin.
Yuris syrupy voice filled the room with the cheap orchestration of an old ballad. Red, yellow,
and green lights danced along the room, dancing against the fog of smoke that settled into
Taeyeon, making her eyes droop. She just saw Sooyoung leading Sunny back into the booth by
the hand when her eyes fluttered shut.
Jessica nuzzled into her neck and Taeyeon draped an arm around her waist to hold her close.
Lulling music was interrupted by petty banter and Taeyeon rolled her eyes beneath her lids.
Some things would never change.
Like this booth. Like the familiarity of being together as five. Like the mix of flavors and scents
that filled her up being crowded together like this. Like the steady heartbeat against her own that
pulsed a different rhythm but burned in sync.
But then many things had changed. Bonds grew tighter, trust grew stronger. The treasure map
had been filled out with a dotted line marking one path that Taeyeon was no longer afraid to let
mold and shape and form to whatever new obstacle was thrown their way.
Wake up and sing with me!
Taeyeons eyes shot open to see a mic in her face. She groaned, swatting the thing out of her
face.
Here, Jessica took the mic from Sunnys hand and sat up enough to see the screen properly.
Music began and Taeyeon propped her head on her arms as as she watched Jessica and Sunny
each bring a mic to their lips and started to sing.
She smiled when they reached the chorus, voices rising up together along with Sooyoungs
cheering claps and Yuris own wondrous grin.
Closing her eyes again, Taeyeon let the moment take her away with only one thought:
This was home.
This was where they would start again.
Fin.

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Acknowledgement
To gorjess anon for putting this idea into my head.
I actually wrote it!
My betas Kissos and The Rabbit
kwonleah23 and Jorgenzen for lovely quotes to use
(even if some were silly)
And all my followers and my readers who continually read all my crazy, angst
things. Youre such troopers
It has been a fun ride
-Boxxsaltz-