Parenting Book Review

Author: Jamilah Samian Publisher: Truewealth Publishing Reviewed by: Kua Kee Eng

Cool Mum
Super Dad
T
“ here is no ‘perfect child’, so don’t always expect your child to be perfect, just like there is no such thing as ‘perfect
parents’! In fact, it’s the imperfection that makes your children very special, isn’t it?” said Jamilah Samian, the author of
‘Cool Mum Super Dad’ — a book depicted as “A creative treasure for parents,” by international speaker and best-selling
author on creativity, Yew Kam Keong, Ph.D.

Indeed, the above remark looks simple, yet, we always tend to overlook the simple things that matter! Parents often
focus too much on their children’s achievement which makes them lost track of the things that they actually yearn for
from their children. As a parent, neither scoring straight A’s nor being a successful doctor or engineer would measure up
to the warm and enduring relationship that you manage to build with your children! According to Jamilah Samian, when
you manage to carve a niche in a special corner in your child’s heart, where all his or her cherished memories are, then,
you would be a ‘cool mum’ or ‘super dad’.

How could we nurture this warm and enduring relationship with our children? First, as suggested by Jamilah, ‘realise
that you are a human first and a parent second’. Apart from food and shelter, parents should ensure that their own
needs — body, mind and spirit which are inter-related, and self-fulfilment — are satisfied, as it would be impossible to give
when you have nothing to give, when you are in despair. Catching up on sleep, proper diet, exercising regularly, pray or
meditate, are a few ways to rejuvenate the exhausted you. You are recommended to reflect and evaluate yourself
honestly, or consulting those who are close to you, in order to detect the causes to the discontent of your heart, so you
could fulfil what your heart’s desires — for all you know, it could be as simple as a hobby or an interest that is left
unpursued because you fail to allocate some time for it. A 30-minute time-out a day just for yourself, to do whatever your
heart’s desired is good enough!
“What is ‘love’ from the children’s perspective?
To them, it’s determined by how much time you
spend with them and how you spend it,
as well as the way you communicate with
them.” — Jamilah Samian

Jamilah Samian, her husband and

children in a family portrait.
Pictures courtesy of Jamilah Samian

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 The way you treat your child today has very much to do with your own upbringing and your hunger to gaining approval
from your parents — to do what’s right in their eyes. Likewise, your child will try to gain your approval by doing the things
you deem right. Jamilah also asserted that there are things that we inherited from our parents, such as physical, emotional,
cultural and social legacies which we would pass down to our children, both consciously and unconsciously. Though we
are blessed with emotions that make us a more caring person, we should not let our emotions over-rule our rationality.
Jamilah stressed that what you tell yourself commands your moods and emotions, which eventually affect your attitude
and behaviour. Thus, a pessimistic or an optimistic you, will determine the traits that your child would be likely to pick up
from you! If you’re a pessimist, don’t give up yet, as optimism is a skill that can be learnt, as you can always try to look
at the positive side of things even if things didn’t turn the way you’d have wanted.

“Remember this — ‘little things mean big!’ — the golden rule to make your child feel special like nobody else can,”
emphasised Jamilah. She suggested that parents should always look at the right things that their children do and
express their approval with enthusiasm, instead of always criticising their children for their little mistakes. What you
inscribe in your child’s inner mind will affect the conscience of your child telling her right from wrong. Jamilah urged
parents to satisfy their child’s curiosity by elaborating the answers to their child’s question, and develop it into a longer
conversation. In doing so, not only do parents stimulate their child to think creatively, they can also bond with one
another. A hug or simply a peck on your child’s face would do wonders to improve your relationship with your child.

Parents need the support for both physical and emotional well-being from others such as their spouse, family members,
friends and colleagues. It is difficult to effectively play your role as a parent without help from others, especially when
you run into difficulties — a time when you need encouragement and hope. Laughter is the best medicine! Hey, you
don’t have to be reminded that parenting is a serious business, but a touch of humour would certainly lighten up your
day and your child too! Don’t fret, if you’re not good at cracking jokes, you can easily find it in magazines and newspapers,
a humorous article or some comic strips — all you need to do is to start looking! Put yourself in your child’s shoes, control
your temper, then you can negotiate constructively with your child to reach an amicable agreement, as she would feel
that her feelings are respected and she is valued. Persistence is the key to do all the above because as long as you don’t
give up, things can always be improved.

However, parents have to learn to let go when the time comes. When your child becomes an adult, prying yourself too
much into their personal things might have negative effects. Parents should have faith in their children and learn to trust
them with their decisions. Don’t mistook letting go as cutting the cord! You can always keep in touch with your children,
but not to overdo it. All in all, Jamilah Samian based her ideas of parenting
from the perspective of the parents-child relationship. The
power to change lies in the
hands of the parents, who
should be proactive and to
initiate the first move, and
lead their children, “It’s insane
if you’re just doing the same
thing and expects things to
change — it won’t!” exclaimed
Jamilah by the end of our
interview session.
Jamilah’s outings with her husband and children.
Author Fact File:
Apart from assuming the role as a mother to six children for the past two decades, Jamilah Samian had been a senior staff in the Information
Technology Department of Sarawak Shell Berhad, a successful home-based entrepreneur providing translation and copywriting services to major
public relations and advertising firms such as McCann Erikson, Bozell and Azizul Spencer, and now, a freelance writer. As an expatriate spouse, she
followed her husband to Muscat, Oman in 1998, and there, she began her writing career. She has written for The New Strait times (Malaysia), The
Oman Economic Review, Destinations (Shell global family magazine), Graduan and other print and electronic publications within and outside Malaysia.
Jamilah graduated with a bachelor degree in Computer Science and Mathematics from Indiana State University, USA, a Diploma in Journalism
(Distinction) from London School of Journalism, UK, and a Diploma in Translations from Malaysian Institute of Translation. Her recent work, Cool Mum
Super Dad has been translated into a Malay version, Ibu Kool Bapa Hebat, launched in May 2007.

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