Dutch customs and etiquette

The Dutch have a code of etiquette which governs social behaviour and is considered
important. Because of the international position of the Netherlands many books have
been written on the subject. Some customs may not be true in all regions and they are
never absolute. In addition to those specific to the Dutch, many general points of
European ettiquette apply to the Dutch as well.

The people
Dutch society is egalitarian, individualistic and modern. The people tend to view
themselves as modest, tolerant, independent, self-reliant, and entrepreneurial. They value
education, hard work, ambition and ability. The Dutch have an aversion to the
nonessential. Ostentatious behaviour is to be avoided. Accumulating money is fine, but
spending money is considered something of a vice and associated by some people with
being a show-off. A high style is considered wasteful and suspect with most people. The
Dutch are proud of their cultural heritage, rich history in art and music and involvement
in international affairs.

Greetings

When entering a room it is customary to shake hands with everyone present, then
to shake hands again on leaving. If there are too many people to shake hands with
and the setting is informal, publicly identifying yourself will suffice. Usually an
acquaintance will introduce a visitor to others, otherwise the guest introduces
himself. The Dutch consider it rude not to identify oneself.
o When stopping in the street to chat with an acquaintance, a younger Dutch
person especially will not take the trouble of introducing an accompanying
friend.
Phrases saying hello or goodbye differ between regions, but are generally
understood everywhere. However, the use of dialectal forms, for example the
Brabantic "houdoe", links the speaker to that region.
When introducing themselves, the Dutch shake hands and say their name (first
and/or surname).
o If seated, it is polite to stand up before shaking hands.
When answering the phone, the receiving party identifies him-/herself first either
using their first (Jan), or last name (Jansen) or both (Jan Jansen). The name is
usually preceded by "met", which means (you're speaking) with. The caller is
expected to identify themselves before asking to speak to another person or
talking about something else.
o Children tend to answer the phone with their full name (first + surname)
to avoid being mistaken for their parents.
Yelling to an acquaintance from a distance is considered impolite.
It is considered impolite to enter a house without being invited to. The Dutch
consider it an invasion of privacy.

It is polite to ask where to sit.

When meeting friends and relatives, the Dutch often kiss cheeks three times.
Normally, the first kiss is on the right-hand cheek, the second on the left and the
third again on the right (from the perspective of the person being kissed). This
ritual is also often used when saying goodbye. Women will kiss women and men,
whereas men kiss women but shake hands with other men.
o Although some sorts of kissing in public, as a form of greeting, e.g. three
kisses on the cheeks, a short kiss on the mouth, are seen as appropriate,
french kissing in public is considered inapproriate, if not slightly vulgar.
It is polite for passers-by to greet each other in an otherwise relatively abandoned
location, especially in the country side, even if they are strangers. Likewise, on a
country road, it is considered polite for drivers and pedestrians to make a greeting
gesture when there is eye contact between them

Body language

Compared to most cultures, the Dutch are reserved in public and do not often
touch each other or display anger or extreme exuberance.
The Dutch value privacy and seldom interact with strangers, no matter where they
are from. However this should not discourage foreigners in their actions. Dutch
people are curious and when addressed will often try to converse or be of
assistance.
The Dutch expect eye contact while speaking with someone. Looking away or
staring at the ground is considered impolite and may be perceived as lying.
The Dutch tend to be reserved in using hand gestures. However, having your
hands in pockets or arms crossed might be interpreted as of disinterest.
The crazy sign is made by tapping the centre of your forehead with your index
finger. This gesture is considered rude.
o To make things more complex, the sign indicating someone is smart or
intelligent is made by tapping the area around temporal bone (just above
the ear) with the index finger.
To make things even more complex, the crazy sign can also made
by twisting your index finger around the temporal bone.
Winking at strangers will generally be perceived as a sexual advance and is
unlikely to be appreciated.
Very few people use their middle finger for pointing something out (like on a
map). This is not considered rude, but it does draw attention.
When yawning, the mouth should be covered with a flat hand or fist.

Dining and entertainment

A waiter or waitress is beckoned by making eye contact and raising a hand,

perhaps adding "ober" (waiter) or "mevrouw" (which normally means "madam",
but for a waitress it is correct) or "meneer'" (sir). Fingersnapping is considered
extremely rude.

Tipping is a sign of appreciation with service; some people do, some don't.
It also depends on the type of establishment one's in: in a bar it is rare, in a
restaurant more common. The tip is usually between 5% and 10% rounded
towards a full figure. Like in many other countries in Europe, the bill
(legally) includes service fees that guarantee a decent basic income for the
serving staff even without tips.
In most cases the Dutch will make it clear beforehand who intends to pay the bill.
If not, assume the arrangement is to "go Dutch" . No one will be embarrassed at
splitting the bill, which is the norm.
o On a romantic date, the man is expected to pay for the woman (although
she may offer to pay her share out of politeness or to show her
independence). She may leave a tip for the waiter.
Dutch manners are frank and can be described as a no-nonsense attitude,
informality combined with adherence to basic etiquette. This might be perceived
as impersonal by some other cultures but is the norm in Dutch culture. As always,
manners differ between groups. Asking about basic rules will not be considered
impolite.
Food does not play a major role in hospitality. It is not considered imperative for
making someone feel welcome, although coffee, tea, fruit juice or a carbonated
drink is usually offered to guests.
Guests should not expect a meal unless the invitation mentions it. It is impolite to
stay until dinner is about to be served. Dinner is often considered a family
moment or a private moment. Usually only family or the closest of friends may
join without asking.
o When inviting a Dutch person for dinner it is not automatic that the
invitation will be reciprocated. Cooking and food are not considered
important.
o Guests invited by a student or a younger person may be asked to share the
costs of the ingredients. This, however, is getting rare in most regions.
It is polite to keep hands above the table during a meal but elbows should be kept
off the table.
o It is normal to stay an hour or two after dinner. The Dutch dine early: often
around 6 pm, unusually after 7pm. But (Dinner) parties may continue until
very late in the evening, even early morning.
o It is polite to offer to help out with the dishes or cleaning the table. Out of
the same politeness, the host will usually decline the offer.
o It is permissible to politely refuse a second helping at the table.
It is considered impolite to ask for a tour of the host's home. If offered, however,
accepting is considered polite.
When invited to a birthday party or wedding, guests are expected to bring a gift.
Common gifts include flowers, chocolates, alcohol, perfumes, gift certificates or
"an envelope" - undisclosed amount of cash in a sealed envelope. Often, wedding
invitations have symbols on them indicating what kind(s) of gifts the couple
would like to receive.
o

Children may be given toys or books, pets are never given unannounced.
A gift certificate (usable to buy CDs, DVDs or computer games) or an
envelope is a good choice to give to an adolescent.