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12 Reflections on Relationship
© 2007 by Osoko O. Solomon

All rights reserved.

The international copyright laws protect this book. No portion of this
book may be copied or reprinted for commercial gain without the
written permission of the publisher, with the exception of brief
excerpts in articles, magazines or reviews.
The use of short quotation and occasional copying for personal or
group study is permitted and encouraged.

Unless otherwise identified, all scripture quotations are from the King
James Version of the Bible.

For further information, contact:

Solomon Osoko Ministries

Rietschenweg 49,
5507 Mellingen, Switzerland.
Tel. 0041(76) 396 9955

Or reach us on Internet:
Website: www.solomonosoko.com
Email: omo@solomonosoko.com

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 INDEX

1. Time is your greatest resource in life. .......................................... 4

2. A man’s skill grants him access to greatness. .............................. 7
3. Your access will test your loyalty. ............................................... 9
4. Your loyalty determines your royalty. ....................................... 11
5. Promotion and demotion are rewards of passion. ...................... 13
6. Self-awareness is required for mutual understanding. ............... 14
7. Empathy is a test of integrity...................................................... 16
8. Integrity is the correlation between your walk and your talk..... 17
9. Proximity is the doorway to impartation.................................... 19
10. Mentoring is a step out of self-limitation................................ 21
11. Reverence is the key that unlocks impartation. ...................... 23
12. Immortality is the transference of your greatness to others.... 25

PLEASE NOTE:

This book is an excerpt from a forth-coming book titled,

“ 31 Reflections on Relationship ”. If you are interested in
purchasing full version of the book, kindly contact:
Sales@solomonosoko.com

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 1. Time is your greatest resource in life.
Eph 5:15-16 See then that ye walk circumspectly, not as fools, but as wise.
Redeeming the time, because the days are evil.

Be wise by using your time prudently. Time wastes those who waste time!
It repays its wasters with evil and fills the mouth of its investors with happiness.
Though every man is equipped with resources, the way everyone pursues time will
determine what he or she makes out of life. If you misuse time, you would be
bankrupt. Only those who invest time wisely earn a profitable living.

a) Time is the currency for all human needs on earth.

Time is the currency of life. All the supplies you need for your existence have been
released within your time, same way all the gifts you need to excel have been
deposited in your being. Time is the only asset equally shared by mankind. The rich
and the poor have same time, the difference is how they invest it. Discovering your
gifts and perfecting them to relevant skills that can supply your needs within your
tenure on earth is what human economy is all about. You are the choice you make!
You can choose to create with your time love, hatred, relationship, riches or
poverty. You can also sit and choose to do nothing or simply run after other
peoples’ agenda in the absence of clear goals for your life. The wiser you use your
time, the more treasures it unlocks for your existence. A research finding noted that
less than 5% of people on earth ever sat down to find and write out, “who they are,
what is their purpose on earth and how they want to be remembered after their
tenure on earth expires.” Are you part of that 5%?
If not stop, pick a notebook today and document your life goals right away.
Most burial grounds are filled with unfulfilled dreams and purposes, unbuilt houses
and visions. Many great achievements never saw light of the day because their
carriers never invested time in discovering themselves and life purpose.

b) Your time is priceless.

Since time is the commodity to exchange for all your needs on earth, it is your most
precious resources. It is poor time management to waste time on what you could
get done cheaply. Human civilisation is built on specialisation of labour. This way,
everyone does what he can do better and exchanges his rewards to purchase goods
and services he can least provide.
Eliminate time consumers and wasters in your life. It is foolishness to break down
in depression mourning over mistakes of yesterday. Stop holding your future
hostage to your past. Dare to look into the future and put adequate preparation for a
quality lifetime.

c) Only you can evaluate your time through what you invest it in.
Time is the most valuable resource you have. Make the best of it.
No one can actually pay you for your time. People can only pay you what you
value yourself to deserve. You would be treated the way you present your time.
You need to make difference between what is quite urgent and important and what
is not and learn to deal first with your priorities of life.

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The greatest respect you can offer a person is to honour his time.
The greatest gift you can give a person is to share your time with him.
When you permit a man to waste your time, you permit him to waste your life.
Until you value your time, you can not value your self or your life.
Stop trading your life for what is less. The true cost of your time is the alternative
forgone. Learn to prioritise your goals. Each time you spend time on what is less
valuable than other thing you could have invested your time on; you are
devaluating your existence.

d) Doing the right thing at the right time is the way to maximise your time.
Having sense of destiny is the secret behind every great person.
There is a time for all things and purposes on earth (Eccl.3:1-8.) There is no
amount of expertise, bravery and motivation that can make up for a youth stage
wasted. Make hay while the sun shines. Prevention is better than cure. Putting the
horse before the cart is a progressive way forward. A great preparation provides for
a great graduation. It is not enough to do it right if you are not doing the right thing.
Effective living is about doing the right thing at the right time.

e) The limit to progress is only in pursuits.

We do not have great achievements because we are contented with moderate
achievements. We do not have great schools because we are contented with having
good schools. We just happen to stop a step earlier out of contentment. Greatness is
never a destination but rather a journey. Only those who press on can march up
with it. Time is a vehicle of life that takes you from your beginning to your end.
Every mistake, mastery and misdeeds totals up to your life achievement. Those
who do not give up do not stay down. Quitters never win and winners never quit.
To get to your destination, keep going and never stop.

f) Quality usage of time is in its dedication to providing quality service

Since you are rationally paid for the service you choose to render with your time
rather than for the time itself, it is more productive to devote your time to rendering
quality services. Quality service however requires quality preparation.
Every time you see a man doing a cheap job, you are looking at a time that has
refused to invest time in processing his talents and gifts.

g) Quality service is a product of quality skill

Impatient people never have time to follow any worthwhile thing through.
Imperfect preparation leads to cheap skill and cheap and commonplace skill can
only attract poor compensation. Poor compensation guarantees inconsequential
living. Great men are those who spent some time in processing their skills. You can
not achieve anything excellent in life without adequate preparation.
The preparation for building a tower sets it structures apart from that of a tent.

h) Your time is your life.

The way you spend your time is the way you spend your life. The people you spend
your time with and the purpose you invest your life in will determine how you
enjoy your life in this world and the one thereafter. Since whatever decision you
take in the present would have eternal impact on your existence, the first step in
making impact in life is mastering your time.

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i) A time well invested is a life well lived.
Poor people spend time while rich people invest it.
The past time of poor people is wasted in various unproductive ventures while rich
people invest time on purposeful projects. You invest time in your family and
friends so you can enjoy your relationship at its peak. You invest time studying and
improving your skills so you can make the best of your existence. Many people just
work without thinking. They failed to see that riches release itself on principles not
on sweat. Sweat does not necessarily translate to success otherwise majority of the
world would be rich. The fact of the matter is that the entire world is built on
principles. For every field, there are sets up principles to be mastered.
Think of this fact for a moment. 97% of the world works for 3% investors.
A new finding stated that over 97% of world wealth are owned by less than 1% of
the world population. The poorer the workers get, the richer the rich become.

j) Greatest value of time is attained in dedication to priceless services.

Greatest thing you can invest your life on is not money or career, rather it is
relationship. Medical professionals attending to people with terminal diseases
noticed people hardly cared about their material achievements or possession on
their dead beds. They just cared about their relationship with God and family.
Whatever is not eternal should not form the priority of your life.

k) Your time on earth is limited.

Life is short. You may procrastinate but your time will not.
Every time spent on gossip, sins and irrelevant activities is a time wasted.
You can make more money, more carriers and more materials but you can never
make more time, neither can you recycle wasted days.
Get your priority of life right. Choose to invest time on eternal projects.
Learn to close every time leakage in your life. Yesterday will never return again to
you. Today is just the first day of the remaining days of your life. As you continue
today to write your life history, decide to erase bad memories, omit confusion and
stay focused to write in bold letters what you would like to behind as legacy in life.
Is there any dream you hope to fulfil? Wake up and live it out.
May you not miss your hour!

Quotation of the Day.

Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do
than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe
harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.
Mark Twain

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 2. A man’s skill grants him access to greatness.
Seest thou a man diligent in his business? he shall stand before kings; he shall not
stand before mean men. Prov 22:29

Diligence is the key to greatness.

Skill diligently acquired, adds value to labour and attracts better compensation for
your time. The only way you can give value to your time is by devoting it to quality
service. Quality service requires quality training and preparation and only those
who can pay the price of hard work, patience and perseverance in developing their
gifts and talents into relevant skills would secure access to greatness.

a) Prayer is no substitute for work.

Greatness answers not to prayer but to diligence. Though prayer qualifies you for a
God-insured greatness, it is diligence to your calling that pushes you into it.
Bible teaches that a man who do not work should not eat (2 Thess 3:10.)
After you have prayed and sang and professed all you desires, your prosperity
remains a product of whatsoever you do.

b) Heaven helps only those who help themselves.

God is never in a business of rewarding Peter with the efforts of Paul.
Faith is more than hope. True faith is the evidence of things you have not seen.
Your faith is only proven by your work (James 2: 18.) Whatever the degree of your
faith, without work it is dead. Faith only delivers on the platform of work.
If you see anything working in life, there is someone working it. God is a Rewarder
of diligent doers (Heb. 11:6.) His promise is only to prosper whatsoever the
righteous does (Psalm 1:3.).

c) You are the architect of your own destiny through your action and
inaction.
What you make out of your divine endowment within your allocated time on earth
is your decision. That fact explains prosperity of so many hardworking non-
believers. The principles of the Lord simply work for whoever works it out. If you
sow the spiritual you will reap the spiritual and if you sow the material you will
reap material blessing. Do not expect to sow orange and reap mango. Neither
expect the righteous Lord to rob Janet to pay Joanna. That defies the principles of
God. Your today is simply the harvest of your actions of yesteryears and what you
sow today is all you have to reap tomorrow. If you do not like what you have today,
change your thought, perception and action and begin to turn new leaves today.

d) God has equipped everyone with all that is necessary to enjoy colourful
existence.
All you need to do is discover your special talents and perfectly prepare it to serve
your generation. Your lifetime sustenance is hidden in your gifts and talents. It is
your trained skills and gifts that will open door for you in areas of careers and
relationships. Everything God created is a perfect solution for a problem. Every
part of your body serves a special purpose the same way you as a part of human
system is equipped to serve a particular purpose. You are one of your kind, nobody
can duplicate you. Nobody carries what you carry and no body can surpass you in
your own discovered field. When you find what differentiates and distinguishes you

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from others, then are you set for a colourful existence. Everyone is born with gifts
to climb ladder of greatness but only the few that process their gifts ever arrive in
that Promised Land.

e) The level of excellence you will ever attain in life will correspond only to
your level of preparation.
Learn to differentiate between your preparation and graduation time. You sow in
the preparatory stage what you are going to reap in your service years. When
Apostle Paul was commissioned by Jesus to preach the gospel, he first went to
study and prepare himself for three years (Gal. 1: 18.) When God ordained David,
he didn’t organise coup to oust Saul. He waited for his time. The right time to serve
is after the completion of your training when you have received the accreditation,
permission, unction or official authority to serve. If you are already in area of your
calling and your services are not yet rewarded, that means you are still in your
season of preparation. Knowledge acquisition is the main reward at that stage.
Do not permit impatience to make quack out of you. The degree of your
preparation determines the degree of your excellence!

f) Access to greatness is secured and maintained by your level of excellence.

Every diligent man in the Bible as well in our world today is a celebrated man.
When your hard work surpasses that of others, it will distinguish and lift you up
into the presence of great people. Stop begging and scheming for position. That
foolish way up is sure to waste your efforts and corrupt your image. Invest quality
time in perfecting and packaging your skills. The same Joseph who ended up in pits
and slavery for lack of sensibility and ability to interpret his simple dreams ended
up in the position of Prime Minister in a foreign land when he mastered his gifts.
Perfection is universally irresistible and attractive. When you hone your skill to
commensurate to level of relationship or career you desire, doors will naturally
open for you on their own terms. Everyone desires to possess gold.
The only price gold needs to pay is the baptism of fire.
Water will sooner find its own level no matter how long it takes.
When it comes to greatness, it is to you according to your diligence.
Only you can harness the provisions of God in your life.

Quotation of the Day.

Big jobs usually go to the men who prove their ability to outgrow small ones.
Ralph Waldo Emerson

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 3. Your access will test your loyalty.

Obey them that have the rule over you, and submit yourselves: for they watch for
your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with
grief: for that is unprofitable for you. Heb 13:17

Though your excellence can take you to the presence of great people, only your
loyalty can sustain you there. Your skill may secure you a position but only your
character can sustain you there.

a) Access is simply an open invitation to prove yourself.

One thing is to secure a position of eminence, another thing is to be able to
discipline yourself to sustain that position. The greatest mistake to make is to
believe once you are there, the game is over. Your entry is just the beginning of the
whole game.

b) Your access will test your competence.

Not every one that enters school comes out a graduate. Only those who prove their
ability sails through. After gaining access to an organisation or a relationship,
situation will arise to try your suitability to level of access granted you.
Securing access to people’s presence is one step, making best use of it is another.
The day you obtain your marriage certificate or employment contract is just the
beginning of the process that can demote or promote, confirm or disqualify you. It
is the period you need to practically start proving your competence. Divorce and
retrenchment merely means failure to measure up to expectation. In career and
employment, sometimes you are granted few months trial to verify your
qualification. Every call to greatness is a call to responsibility. The athlete at the
lead carries not only the pressure to win but also the challenge to defend and
maintain his position. To maintain your position, you will also need to stay ahead
with the knowledge of your organisations’ need and go extra miles to provide
solution.

c) Your access will test your loyalty.

We all submit to various authorities in different areas of our lives. We submit to
family head, police, office boss, sport coach, and inhuman representative of human
authorities (like traffic light and road signals.) In addition to your competence, your
leader wants to be able to trust you. He wants to be sure you would do what you are
instructed to do in the best interest of your organisation even when it means
forfeiting your own personal interest. Your competence is secondary to your
loyalty. Quite often are great workers relinquished of their position for lack of
submission and loyalty to authority.

d) Loyalty is selfless compliance to instructions.

A suggestive idea from above should be passionately pursued as instruction below.
The only way to learn loyalty is to listen to the instruction of an organisation and
work together with other members to achieve it. Where there is no conviction or
motivation to accept and pursue an organisation’s vision, the correct step to take is
to disengage and depart from such body. Consistent questioning of authority is a
rebellious act that calls for dismissal from the organisation.

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e) Your reaction to instruction will always uncover your true character.
There is no second opportunity to make first impression so how you conduct
yourself in your position would have a determinant effect on your final destination
in your organisation. The instruction you keep not only reveals your true character
and how committed you can be, it also determines how far you can be entrusted
with responsibility. In essence, your future in every organisation is held hostage to
your commitment and observation of its principles and instructions.

f) Disloyalty is the doorway to destruction.

A disloyal person is a devil’s advocate in a body. He is a doorway for
disintegration. A house that divides against itself shall fall. Every house can only
proceed ahead with one vision under one head. Division naturally leads to disunity
and disunity will lead to confusion. Confusion tolerated will soon grow into
separation and once separation rears its ugly head up, destruction follows.
That is mostly how Satan effects destruction on organisation. It always started as a
divided opinion. While creative criticism is the strength of every organisation, a
destructive complaint with no suggestion for solution is a leeway for disintegration.

g) The end of all disloyalty is shameful destruction.

Absalom was an heir to the throne of a great kingdom yet he got himself hanged at
the middle of his lifetime. Judas lived with the greatest leader that ever walked the
earth yet still died a disgraceful life of a traitor. Someone not catching spirit of the
house will once become a Judas. Every organisation that wants to survive needs to
teach culture of loyalty in the house. Behind every division lurks destruction. Every
loner animal in the wild soon becomes lunch for other predatory animals.

h) Your access is only justified by your lasting success.

Access is a mere fluke unless it translates to lasting success. It is not gaining access
to people or an office that really matters, only what you make out of it is your asset.
Do not permit immaturity, ignorance and impatience to ruin your access.
Well-managed access could be awesome assets in time of needs.

Quotation of the Day.

If you work for someone, then work for them: Speak well of them and stand by the
institution they represent...Remember, an ounce of loyalty is worth a pound of
cleverness...If you must growl, condemn, and eternally find fault, resign your
position and when you are on the outside, complain to your hearts content...but as
long as you are a part of the institution do not condemn it. Elbert Hubbard.

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 4. Your loyalty determines your royalty.
Then came the first, saying, Lord, thy pound hath gained ten pounds. And he said
unto him, Well, thou good servant: because thou hast been faithful in a very little,
have thou authority over ten cities. Luke 19:16-17

It is wise to recognise the importance of every relationship you cultivate in life.

Do not abuse any relationship just because you are used to it or just for the fact that
you secured it cheaply. The extent people can trust you would determine the nature
and degree of responsibilities they can entrust to you. The way people assess your
commitment will determine the level of responsibility they will permit your way.

a) Your acceptance of God to your life opens you out for blessing.
The greatest authority in heaven and earth is God and it is your relationship with
Him that will determine what you achieve in this world and the one thereafter.
Man was created from material substance in this world and he remained nothing
until God breathed in to him. It is God’s part in man that makes all the difference.
Jesus made that fact clearer when He described himself as a vine and we as His
branches. Only those who abide in Him can live productive life. Without Him, we
can all do nothing (John 15:5-6.) Only the blessing of the Lord truly makes rich
because He permits no sorrow to ruin it (Prov.10: 22.)

b) Your relationship to authority will determine your final placement.

It is required in all organisations that we be found faithful (1 Cor 4:2.)
How you relate to your local government and law enforcement agency would
determine if you are locked up in prison or permitted to share social life with other
people in your community. Same thing goes for your work place and Church.
Elisha got the double portion of anointing upon Elijah (2 Kings 2:9-10), because of
his unbeatable loyalty. Even, his teacher could not talk him out of following him to
his last rendezvous with destiny. That faithful scene did not only mark the end of
Elijah ‘s assignment but also begun the exploits of Elisha.

c) Defiance of authority is self-destructive.

You do more harms to yourself than your organisation each time you defy
instruction. Only the instruction you observe can promote you.
Saul lost his kingdom after defying the authority of God through the instruction
given to him by Prophet Samuel. How you handle instruction will either destroy
you or promote you. Never permit familiarity to blind you from your responsibility
to your leader. No matter how close you are, be careful how you relate to a man
you are accountable to. Watch out for careless talks and misrepresented opinion.
Many marriages have been ruined because of dishonour of marriage authority.
Many have lost great opportunity to ride to high level of excellence in life by
setting fire on their bridge to the next level.

d) Honourable life is an open invitation to royalty.

Royalty is ever attracted to loyalty. Distinguished lifetime is irresistible to honour.
Prideful conducts destroy. Only honourable conduct installs a man into pre-
eminence. Honour those who are ahead and above you if you aspire to attain their
position. They have certain experience and knowledge that can benefit you.

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e) Ability to cherish greatness entrenches you in greatness.
Only the deep calls to the deep. Only what you appreciate is attracted to you.
Your ability to recognise, appreciate and cherish greatness would entrench you in
the presence of greatness.

f) Your promotion is determined by the instructions you obey.

Your personal conduct is the main determinant of your prospects in life.
Every organisation has its cherished rules and instruction. How you relate to
instructions defines your position. The leadership not only preserves instructions, it
also compensates compliance to it. Your reaction to instruction would not only
reveal your competence and character, it will determine your entire placement and
prominence in your organisation.

Quotation of the Day.

My honor is my loyalty. Heinrich Himmler

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 5. Promotion and demotion are rewards of passion.
Thou shalt keep therefore his statutes, and his commandments, which I command
thee this day, that it may go well with thee, and with thy children after thee, and
that thou mayest prolong thy days upon the earth, which the LORD thy God giveth
thee, for ever. Deut 4:40

Your passion continuously provokes you to actions that promote you.

The purpose you passionately pursue promotes you for recognition.
What you deny attention denies you recognition. Promotion and demotion are in
normal cases measurement of your invested efforts. A passion at work can only
create a commensurable compensation.

a) Your obedience reveals the level of you passion.

Your obedience reflects your confidence in your organisation.
Your obedience is the floodgate to your future. The instruction you follow
determines the future you create. You are promoted or demoted according to your
level of obedience to instructions.

b) Your passion increases your competence.

Passion puts feet to thoughts. The more passionate you are the more responsibility
you are driven to take for the success of your project. The more responsibility you
take the more credibility you build around yourself.
A passionate man compliments efforts of others while he continues to compete with
himself to improve on his previous performances.

c) Your competence increases your productivity.

Progressive advancement in competence increases creativity and productivity.
Your competence determines what instruction your leader can entrust to you.

d) Your productivity enhances your value.

The more your organisation appreciates your productivity, the higher the quality of
investment that would be made on you. Solution providers are simply darlings of
everyone. A man who understands the problem of his organisation and passionately
seeks solution to it would not escape sight of his boss no matter how hard he tries.
As your services compliments strengths of others, your presence would be widely
sought and cherished by all.

e) Your added value distinguishes you and positions you for eminence.
Each time your passion becomes your obsession, your competence stands out for
appreciation. Rewards merely become currency of appreciation flowing from
grateful beneficiaries unto you for solutions served to them.
Are you a solution or a problem? Are you a blessing or a burden?
Promotion is always attracted to solution providers. Prominence is a reward of your
passion.

Quotation of the Day.

A life without passion is not a life; it is merely an existence. Leslie Fieger

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 6. Self-awareness is required for mutual understanding.
Phil 2:3-4 Let nothing be done through strife or vainglory; but in lowliness of mind
let each esteem other better than themselves. Look not every man on his own
things, but every man also on the things of others.

The essence of self-awareness is to help you correctly judge your relationship with
other people. Taking this step helps you to relate with other people in a rational
manner.

a) You can not grow beyond how you see yourself.

Until you understand yourself and appreciate your own ability, you can hardly
appreciate and co-exist peacefully with other people. That’s why Satan purposes
sins to devalue your self-conception. A sinful man can not live a life that rise
beyond debauchery. How you see yourself determines how you relate with other
people. Once you see the situation correctly, it is easier to relate well with others.

b) Selfishness brings discord.

When you live to please yourself alone, you would always get in crisis with others
around you. Until you can separate your emotion from your thoughts and character,
and care for the well being of other people, you would always strain relationship
with them. When you have true perspectives of yourself and the situation, it is
easier to have a strong sense of how to accommodate the legitimate desires of other
people.

c) Understanding needs of others set a tune for fair play.

Until you genuinely understand how others feel, you may end up misinterpreting
them by inputting your own interpretation to their actions. All you want is to make
good impression on others by tolerating how you imagine they feel rather than
listening to them to understand their emotions. When you permit others to express
themselves and you show understanding for their views and desires, you create an
atmosphere for genuine co-operation and progress.

d) Change is a catalyst for freedom

Since man is reactional, self-awareness if well utilised could be used to change
negative circle of relationship. Often it is easier to change yourself than other
people. When you change your action, you set in motion a need for new reaction.
Never be average of change. It is the only thing permanent in a man’s life. The day
a man stops changing is the day his life stops. A man not growing does not only
remain stagnant but is poised to diminish. The day you choose not to be limited by
people’s view of your personality and performance, is the day you set yourself free
to set new tones for the relationships you cherish.
Set yourself free from bondage of anger, rivalry, revenge and hatred. Dictate a new
tune. Sow what you want to reap in the life of others. Choose every opportunity to
sow seeds of peace, love, friendship, forgiveness and every other good thing you
want to see around you.

Quotation of the Day.

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I have come to the frightening conclusion that I am the decisive element. It is my
personal approach that creates the climate. It is my daily mood that makes the
weather. I possess tremendous power to make life miserable or joyous. I can be a
tool of torture or an instrument of inspiration, I can humiliate or humor, hurt or
heal. In all situations, it is my response that decides whether a crisis is escalated or
de-escalated, and a person is humanized or de-humanized. If we treat people as
they are, we make them worse. If we treat people as they ought to be, we help them
become what they are capable of becoming. Goethe

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 7. Empathy is a test of integrity.
Luke 6:31 "Treat others the same way you want them to treat you.

I have always tried to console my friends that lost their parents in the past. When I
lost my own parents, I fully understood the situation better. Though my intention
remains same, the approach has completely changed. Experience sometimes can be
the best teacher in life. Yet there are some situations you may not be able to
experience. I mean how do you comfort someone whose spouse has just been eaten
by a lion? Do you say that is how it happens to every one or that he should cry well
or not cry? Sometimes you are called to react to situations you can really not
identify with. Still in such situation, there are general ethics to follow.

a) The golden rule of life is about putting yourself in the shoes of others.
People do not care for what you know until they know you care.
A good handshake in a hurting hand will still hurt however kind your intention is.
The issue here is not in being kind or helpful as in being correct and thoughtful.
Until you put yourself in place of others, you may not understand, act or react
appropriately to their situations.

b) Until you understand the problem, you can never offer the right solution.
Listen first before delivering answer. Be quiet and listen to understand.
Never rush to offer any solution before you diagnose the problem. Try to get into
the heart of the matter by watching for peoples’ emotional and body action. Most of
the time we just listen to hear reaction of others rather than to understand their
situation. If you desire genuine solution, you should genuinely seek understand
what others have to say. When you understand them, it is easier to make them
understand you too.

c) Good listening helps to locate specific solution for specific problem.

While only 10 percent of our communication are represented by words we share,

the remaining percents are shared through intonation and body talk. Every action
counts so you need to pay attention to moods, thoughts and actions as well as the
words expressed if you want to feel your partner. When you are able to pass across
as interested and caring, it is easier to have your discussion partner co-operate with
you. Only relevant diagnoses make appropriate solution possible.
Where mutual understanding prevails, communication becomes effective means of
creating unity, co-operation and synergy among willing partners.

Quotation of the Day.

People seem not to see that their opinion of the world is also a confession of
character. Ralph Waldo Emerson

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 8. Integrity is the correlation between your walk and your talk.
Not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as the manner of some is; but
exhorting one another: and so much the more, as ye see the day approaching.
Heb 10:25

Show me your friends and I will know who you are. Your peer group has much to
say about your character than many other social groups you belong to.
How you see life and your purpose in it is highly affected by the people you share
most of your time with. That is why Bible encourages believers never to stop
fellowshipping together. That is an effective way to make sure that your moral
nature (character) and your behaviours and habits (personality) correspond.
Integrity is about making your walk genuinely conform to your talk.

a) Association you keep endorses your lifestyle.

Best way of learning integrity is to model after the character of a role model.
There are many great men of God in the bible and around us today that one can
aspire to live like. Stop modelling after film stars and worldly celebrities whose
character and personality are not at pair with standard of the Lord. Christianity is
all about disciplining and mentoring. You end up looking like your model.
The type of folks that you surround yourself with would have impact on your
achievement. They mostly affect you more than any other group since they support
and compliment your efforts in maintaining your mutual identity. If you were not
satisfied with your present status and image, you would have to change your
present association and lifestyles. You need to secure another role model that can
help you break out of your conditioned lifestyle. It takes a change of thoughts,
perceptions and actions to change your present situation.

b) Your knowledge of yourself determines the association you keep.

Knowing yourself not only defines your lifestyles but also determines the type of
people you associate with. Only birds of the same feathers flock together.
The type of people you share your time with will have influence upon your career
and integrity. A companion of fools would soon be destroyed (Prov 13:20.)
That is why Bible encourages believers not to stop fellowshipping together in order
to encourage each other in times of difficulties and celebrate together in time of
victory. Only Iron can sharpen iron. Take a look at your friends, do they reflect
who you are? To answer that question well, you first need to know who you are.

c) Who you are, is louder than what you say.

The way people see you will determine how they relate with you.
People care not for what you know until they know you care.
The best way to change people’s attitude to you is through your visible habits.
Integrity is built on concrete actions and not on imaginable promises. It has nothing
to do with theory and desire but with practice and deed. When you practice what
you preach, it is easier for others to repeat and react to what they see.
Integrity vouches for its promise with its life. It validates its words by its action. It
sells his message at its cost. Nothing convinces like a service provider that
patronises first his product. When you believe yourself, others would find it
possible to believe you.

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d) Knowing yourself reveals your strength and weakness.
You need to convince yourself before you can get other people confused. It all
starts with you. When you are honest to yourself, it becomes easier to treat other
people well. Until you see your image as respectable, you will see nothing wrong in
assassinating personality of other people. A worthless mind is alien to honourable
conducts. It takes a royalty to make royalty of others. You can only make people
what you are. Your true character is revealed in how you treat and present other
people in their absence.

e) Improving yourself releases your strength and limits your weakness

If your perception of self is below your expectation, you can change your mindset
through the information you allow into your mind. As a man thinks, so is he.
Until you change your thought, you can not change your situation.
Every external manifestation first begins with internalisation of new information.
As new information creates in you new mindsets, you find it easier to pursue new
heights. Nothing motivates like new vision. And nothing envisions like new
discoveries. When you have new information to create new vision for your life, you
will find new passion to drive you to the next level.

f) Walking your talk rewards you with admiration and honour.

People genuinely appreciate those who live what they preach. When your service
matches up to your credentials, your fame will go ahead to open doors for you. The
more doors that open for you the more possibility you have to serve your ability
and multiply your productivity.
While perfecting yourself earns you the privilege to serve on higher levels, it is the
commitment to serving yourself honestly that compensates your self-investment.
Walking your talk plants your rewards at the centre of your relevance.

g) Only a man of integrity earns a timeless social ticket to keep walking.

It is one think to profess a thing, it is another think to act it out.
How many people have wasted priceless chances and could hardly turn up where
once they were given great privileges. A man who fails people’s expectation of him
has done no one else but himself a great harm. You seldom have second chance to
make first impression. The thing men do sometimes live beyond them.
No one will hire a thief as an accountant no matter how skilled he is.
It is your integrity that distinguishes your performance.
It is walking your talk that gives life to your form and distinguishes you from
corpse of charlatans parading our cities daily.

Quotation of the Day.

It is not what we eat but what we digest that makes us strong; not what we gain but
what we save that makes us rich; not what we read but what we remember that
makes us learned; and not what we profess but what we practice that gives us
integrity. Francis Bacon

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 9. Proximity is the doorway to impartation.
And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the same commit
thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also. 2 Tim 2:2

The secret behind the preaching of gospel from time of Jesus till now is modelling.
The Bible encourages us to set up a godly network of modelling among believers so
that we can learn to walk the talk of the gospel at all time. Paul in the scripture
above admonished Timothy, his protégé pastor to pass on what he has received
from him to other faithful people who should continue to pass on same legacy to
other proteges that will come under them.

a) Relationship precedes impartation.

To learn and acquire character of a person entail spending time together.
The normal human tendency is to move closer to those who encourage and
motivate you while you distance yourself from those who discourage or mock your
dreams. Be careful not to associate with sinful, rebellious and disloyal people.
If they do it to someone before, they would possibly repeat it to you. Before you
marry a partner, watch out if he or she defrauds and dishonours parents, boss, or
any one in relationship with him or her. Such a person is an accident about to
happen. At the right them, the vice in him or her will erupt to destroy you.
A man that dishonours God is the worst rebel of all. Bible calls such fools.
The least you can expect from your relationship with a fool is destruction.
Learn to walk with wise men. Abstain from fools. Abstain from dating your
destruction!

b) Relationship is about purposefully sharing intimate contacts.

Closer connection to people opens you up to their characters and resources.
That is where many people miss it. Many greedy and selfish people are only
interested in what their teachers and models have and not who they are.
You could act and talk like a man yet fail to manifest any result close to what he
does. Dressing and dancing like a super star does not make you one!
True relationship is built in intimacy. Greatest secrets and revelations are imparted
more in times of relaxation than hours of instruction.

c) The people you are close to are those that can reinforce your values.
You get your focus and purpose of life from God the author of life.
You derive practical inspiration and support to pursue your purpose through
exemplary conducts of people God has placed ahead of you (Heb 6:12.)
It is just easier to mirror lifestyles of people you spend your time with. Often you
conform to the same way of life.
You dress, speak and react alike to same situation. Sometimes in time of confusion,
people sharing your views can run to your safety (Prov 11:14.)
Who are you very close to? In whose presence do you comfortably reside most of
the time? That is the person you would soon become. You would talk, walk and
behave like him for you always mirror back your object of focus. Peer groups are
known to reinforce lifestyles of their team members.

d) Intimate relationship at deep level gives birth to mutual impartation

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The closer you are to people the more of their secrets and habits you can access.
The more you can listen to such people the easier you can access their mindsets.
Ask every possible question you can ask and keep listening. That is the source of
all impartation. Many people fail to be imparted by God because their prayers are
only one way dialogues of demands for supply. They failed to be imparted by God
because their relationship is shallow and one sided. It is mostly what you hear back
that imparts you in life not what you speak out. A relationship becomes intimate
when both partners mutually communicate and exchange opinions.
Only at that level does impartation becomes a natural manifestation.

Quotation of the Day.

We are born in relation, we live in relation, we die in relation. There is, literally,
no such human place as simply 'inside myself'. Nor is any person, creed, ideology,
or movement entirely 'outside myself'.” Carter Heyward

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 10. Mentoring is a step out of self-limitation.
Prov 13:20 He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools
shall be destroyed.

Isaac Newton is credited with making the popular statement that, “If I have seen
further it is by standing on the shoulders of Giants.”
Nothing assumes outstanding status without standing out of itself. Mentorship is
about leveraging other people’s abilities and strength to improve your performance.

a) Mentoring is taking a step beyond your potentials.

In 1159, John of Salisbury quoted Bernard of Chartres to have stated that, “ we are
like dwarfs on the shoulders of giants, so that we can see more than they, things at a
greater distance, not by virtue of any sharpness on sight on our part, or any physical
distinction, but because we are carried high and raised up by their giant size."
That statement summarises the whole essence of mentorship.
Mentoring is about permitting others to polish and add to your skill during your
preparation stage to greatness. It is a means of perfecting your service through
effective correction, encouragement and impartation.
Who corrects you and speaks challenging and empowering words into your life?
A mentor is a person with better experience and enlightenment in a subject or field
who could serve as your vital bridge to a greater realm of achievement.

b) Mentoring can sometimes change your life path and focus.

Mentors are also known to be able to dictate direction to lifestyles considered ideal
and desirable. The day Elisha met Elijah, his life mission changed from being a
successful entrepreneur to becoming spiritual leader of his people. The laying on
of hand or the administration of anointing oil did not effect that change. Elisha had
to follow his mentor and his way of life until the last second he was lifted to
heaven. The result of this relationship was the replication of Elijha’s life in that of
Elisha. Every one needs an accomplished person to mentor him or her.

c) Your mentor is more concerned with your future than your present.
While your friends are satisfied with your present achievement, your mentor’s
focus is to position you for a sure future of celebration. While your friends
celebrate your present, your mentor rejoices over your future possibilities.
He has passed through your way before and he knew more than anyone around you
that you have what it takes to outperform your present record. Your mentor knows
what you do not know and sees what you can not see in the moment. He stretches
you to reach ahead to attain what you may not know you can ever attain.

d) Modelling is a best form of mentoring

Your mentor already passed similar road you are passing today. His life to some
extent reflects what you hope to exhibit in your career. Modelling after him is your
cheapest way of copying his achievement. Becoming like another person is
however more than copying body movements and intonation. It is the character of a
man that makes him not the personality (how he talks and walk.)
Focus on copying the character of your mentor than his conversations. Topics and
styles may change but a man’s character like a cast frame will continue to
reproduce products befitting his habits and manners.

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e) Your mentor is a snapshot of your dreamed future.
Study your mentor before submitting under his or her tutelage. A man can only
reproduce what he is. No orange tree can produce mangoes. Do not select a
multiple time divorcee to mentor you on happy marriage neither selects a school
drop out to train you how to persist till you prevail in your study. Many third world
countries have come to realise that no rebel that rose to power through military
force can guarantee them peaceful reign of democracy. A man can only replicate
what he is. Your mentor should be someone who, regardless of age, gender
difference or position, has what you need in a particular field. Priceless competence
and wisdom are handed on to you in your relationship with such a mentor. If you
love your work and admire the competency of your boss, he is perhaps the best
person to be your mentor.

f) Your mentor’s past pain becomes your present gain.

It is cheaper to learn from mistakes of others than making your own.
Where you learn from mentor, you secure gain, where you learn from your
mistakes, you incur pain. You can easily choose to drive comfortably on a
constructed road or go to a forest to blaze a new road for yourself. While it is quite
possible that you survive such wasteful effort, you would be exhausted when you
arrive at your destination. While such short foresight may work in a limited
expedition, it might prove suicidal in a project of intercontinental proportion. Short-
sightedness in a long run is a veritable gravedigger. There are just too much
challenges and wild animals along the competitive road of life that a short-sighted
man stands very little chance of achieving anything worth the while in his lifetime.

g) Life is about making the best of your networks of mentorship

Once you find a mentor, read his books and fellowship deeply with him asking him
questions to catch the working frame of his mind. Anything you cherish in your
mentor’s life would soon find a free flow into yours.
There is no man alive who has never experienced mentorship. However, only the
clever ones make the best of this ubiquitous social practice. If you are alive today,
the chance is someone took his or her time to mentor you through your childhood
to maturity. Next time you read the story of Esther’s rise to position of Queen in the
Bible, notice that you are studying a life distinguished by mentorship. Within the
time Esther joined the beauty pageantry in the palace, she chose strategic palace
officers as her mentors in their individual area of speciality. From Mordecai to
Hegai and Shaashgaz, Esther permitted herself to be trained and instructed on the
best need of the King. Contrary to the conclusion of many people, It was not the
beauty of Esther than distinguished her from other competitors but her ability to
leverage mentorship. To exist, every father needed a father the same way every
teacher needed a teacher. Your present life is a report card of your past mentorship.
It is easy, looking at you, to see where you had bad and good mentors.
Is there a part of your life where you fail beyond your expectation?
Seek somebody doing well in that area and approach him or her to be your mentor!

Quotation of the Day.

Successful people turn everyone who can help them into sometime mentors.
John Crosby.

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 11. Reverence is the key that unlocks impartation.
Ps 25: 12-14 The secrets of the Lord are to them that fear him and he will show
them his covenant.

Reverence for a man opens you up to what is available in him.

Even the secrets of the Lord are made available only to those who honour Him.
Reverence attracts, connects and releases smooth exchange of instruction, direction
and impartation. It is very easy to copy what you admire.

a) You desire only a lifestyle you admire.

That you dwell in a manger does not make you a sheep and that you hang around
airport does not make you an aeroplane. What you admire around you is what you
attract into your life. It is not access but what you do with your access to people’s
life that determines what flows into your life. If you can not admire it, you can not
desire it and if you do not desire it, you can not acquire it.
Acquisition begins with appreciation.

b) Until you passionately seek it, you can not secure it.
You can only get it if you really want. It is one thing to stand in the present of a
great man and have great desire to have what he possesses. It is another thing to
passionately pursue a relationship with him till you get what you desire. The
problem is many people give up before their pay-day. Success would be common
place if any weakling can get it. If wishes were horses, even beggars would ride.
God is able to do exceeding abundantly and above your thoughts and desires but
would He do it for you? Do you cherish His instructions sufficiently to make Him
rise up on your behalf? Do you cherish your spouse enough to attract his or her
unconditional commitment? Do you cherish your mentor sufficiently for him to rise
up well determined to give all it takes to get you to your next level?
You can only attract into your life what you passionately honour and appreciate.

c) Reverence makes you go extra miles

Sometimes, like in the case of Elisha to Elijah, reverence for your mentor may
make you go a long way away from home to accompany him or her on a seemingly
useless journey. Sometimes it will make you bend below your status to pour water
on the hand of a person you treasure. You may literally have to replenish somebody
you hold in high esteem financially and socially. However if you have the
reverence for greatness the same way like Elisha, you would easily secure
impartation that will take you several miles beyond your peers achievement.
When Elisha returned from Elijah, the same people ridiculing his unreserved
commitment bowed down to worship and submit to under his leadership (2 Kings
2:15.) Reverence is like a gigantic ladder. The higher you climb it, the higher you
get yourself. Those who see no importance in reverencing other people hardly got
reverenced themselves. Those who fail to climb a ladder would never know or taste
the outstanding gain of climbing beyond your heights.

d) Reverence opens political, social, spiritual and economic doors alike.

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The secret behind Job’s early blessing and later restoration was his complete
reverence for God (Job 1:9-10.) Even Satan recognised God’s protection and
provision for those who reverence their Creator.
Irreverence however bang shot gates of blessing regardless of the hospitality of the
giver. Though Jesus was literally dropping with breakthroughs, His people could
not access any blessing from Him because of their irreverence to His person.
Familiarity with the humanity of our leaders mostly robs us of the ingenuity in
them. What you would attract into your life would be a product of your attitude to
those God has sent your way. Refuse to abuse your relationship with others.
Defuse every situation that can rob you of great deposits invested in your various
relationships. Your reverence for others will soon earn you prominence in life.

Quotation of the Day.

Reverence is the highest quality of man’s nature; and that individual, or nation,
which has it slightly developed, is so far unfortunate. Lydia M. Child.

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 12. Immortality is the transference of your greatness to others.
2 Tim 2:2 And the things that thou hast heard of me among many witnesses, the
same commit thou to faithful men, who shall be able to teach others also.

The day you die, would it have mattered that you ever lived?
Would your life be a blessing or a burden for your generation when your time on
earth expires? Answering these questions could help you live consciously the way
you want to be remembered. Many people simply lived like they will never die and
died like they never lived. What a tragedy.
What is your major preoccupation in life?

I. If it doesn’t worth dying for, it is worthless living for it.

Every child of God is meant to be an institution and not an individual. You have
been granted the creative mind of Christ so that you can live a blessed life that
outlives your physical existence.

II. Immortality is about multiplying your existence beyond your lifetime.

The secret way to keep living long after you have left this world is to pass your
legacy over to people capable of passing it on to other people.

III. Great leaders are selective of those they invest their resources on.
Great leaders are those who have learnt to distinguish between different types of
people and disciples gathering around them and are able to invest time alone on
those who can further their influences and legacy. There are different types of
proteges that would come your way in life.

a) Predatory proteges. Such disciples are ungodly manipulators who are in

ministry right from the first day with evil motives. They are the Gehazis who
sought to be in great ministry in other to amass personal wealth and lively
hood. Everything is a tool to climb up and enhance self-image. Such group
would even dare to tear your image apart in order to push themselves up for
recognition. Unfortunately, there are such vultures everywhere that organises
their entry into public service through the demise of their mentors. They are the
false whistle blowers who will do anything to pull down their mentor to their
level as a means of levelling up themselves.

b) Parasite protégé. These are disciples who simply gather around you to pick
what they need before they abscond. They are interested in what you give than
how you live. They want what is your hand than what is in you. They are
interested in where your reach and not what you teach. Their focus is to
connect to you and peddle your name around to enhance their own image.
They will take everything from you and never replenish you. It is simply a one
way relationship meant to enrich their personal lives. These proteges have no
interest or commitment in passing on your legacy.
A clever leader should know how to discontinue relationship wit such.
Jesus had such people following Him because of the free miracles and food
available in His presence. When he preached great message, they immediately
stopped to follow Him.

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c) Precarious Protégé. These are proteges with parochial view of life. They are
the unsure and unstable disciples who need to make you repeat yourself two or
three times before they understand or take you serious. They leave everything
to chance. They are those who want to pray about every issue of commitment.
Such disciples are never sure or certain about the leader or their prospects in
the ministry. If such a person can make you repeat yourself twice or more
before he catches your point, he would waste half of your lifetime in
unproductive discussions and debates.
Such a person is never predictable or dependable. This type of protégé would
just walk in and out of relationship at will. A shrewd leader would learn to find
and dislodge such wasters of efforts.

d) Partial protégé. These are fine weather followers who will stay around you in
good times and as soon as something unusual happens, they are gone with the
wind. They are too weak to take any correction or instruction. As soon as any
commitment or sacrifice is required, they will melt into thin airs. Any weak or
false accusation is sufficient for this people to jump off the bus. Jesus had
experience with such disciples. After one day teaching them a complicated
principle, they immediately deserted him (John 6: 58-69.) Such situations arise
in ministry to separate the passionate disciples from superficial members with
no solid root or conviction in the vision of the house. It is a sufficient reason
for a partial protégé to leave an organisation if a minister he does not like visits
or minister in your ministry. Ministry charlatans belong to this group. They
know all the right things to do but somehow can never get across to do them.
Any effort invested in this group is sooner than later a wasted effort. Ministry
grows only with those who put action behind vision to make it come alive.

e) Passionate Protégé. Those who merit being in your presence as a mentor are
the hungry learners, passionate doers and reverent followers that invest time in
your presence. Such disciples would stoop below their status to pour water to
wash hand of their mentor, they would go extra miles with their mentor even
when the journey is seemingly fruitless. They are focussed on their goals and
ever conscious of the spiritual importance of their connection to their mentor.
They accept correction and follow advice of their mentors. They are
enthusiastic about learning the characters and manners of their mentor in
different situation and are able to practice same service with diligence in same
circumstances. Only such proteges receive every supernatural deposits of God
on their mentors. There is hardly any field of human knowledge and
innovations that names of various pacesetters, innovators and discoverers are
not mentioned daily even those they were no more alive. What they do tend to
keep their memories live across many generations.

f) Productive Protégé. This is the paragon of all types of discipleship. These are
proteges whose passions become obsession. It is the obsession of such people
with their calling that sets them on the part of perfection than ensures through
them the continuation of the legacy that has been passed to them. Only through
such passionate people can a leader perpetuate his legacy and live in the minds
of people long time after his departure. The greatest attribute of such
productive proteges is that they rise up to become mentors with sometimes,

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 greater expertise than their own mentors. That describes Elisha’s discipleship.
That is also the picture of Jesus disciples. Through the disciples that Jesus
trained and imparted while on earth, our generation has been able to record
over 2 billion followers of Jesus. Though Apostle Paul, Peter, John, James and
other writers of the gospel died many millenniums away, they are still alive
anywhere their scriptures hare being read.

IV. What you take out of life is the legacy you leave behind.
Try to be selective in the people you want to transfer your legacy unto if you do not
want your influence to be watered down or wasted away. Remember that Jesus did
not spend His time with everyone who wanted to be with him.
He selected only twelve who could easily be imparted and be trusted with passing
on His legacy.
Quotation of the Day.

The great use of life is to spend if for something that will outlast it.
William James

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 12 Reflections on Relationship
What makes a difference between a recluse and a regent? Attitude to relationship!
Building a great relationship is a major responsibility of every decent citizen of the
world who aspire to enjoy peace, love and unity in his or her world.
In this book, Ps Solomon Osoko says:
“ Whatever you lack is available in other people around you. All you need is the
finesse to freely unlock such resources and permit them to enrich your life and that
of many others that are connected to you. You are not just responsible for the level
of fulfilment you attain in life, you are also a required key player in affecting lives
of other people connected to you through human network spreading across the
entire universe.”
In this book, you will learn reasons, rules and revelations on building rational
relationship. You will learn to master timeless wisdom that will position you for
joyful living with guaranteed easy access, acceptance and excellent co-existent with
family, friends, colleagues and other people that have the privilege of coming
across your way. The truth shared in this book would put you in control of your
daily affairs of life as you consciously convert access to people to priceless asset
for your existence.

OSOKO SOLOMON (BSc., MSc., MBA) is the Founding

Pastor of Christ International Church, Switzerland. His mandate
is to spread the wisdom of God and the saving message of His
kingdom through the word of faith, which works by love.
Osoko Solomon lives in Switzerland with his wife Silvia, their
two sons, Timi and Dani and daughter Joanna.

PLEASE NOTE:

This book is an excerpt from a forth-coming book titled,

“ 31 Reflections on Relationship ”. If you are interested in
purchasing full version of the book, kindly contact:
Sales@solomonosoko.com

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