GILBERT

"WILL THE REAL JESSE PLEASE STAND UP?"

Written by
CEDRIC BEARD

Cedric.beard2@nyfa.edu
6075 Franklin Ave.
Apt. 116
Los Angeles, CA 90028

TEASER
EXT. BEVERLY HILLS HIGHRISE - MORNING
We open to the SUNRISE, over of the WILSHIRE CORRIDOR. High
priced CONDOS dominate both sides of the street. This is what
the citys about; an elegant lifestyle that comes with a
clear price.
INT. JESSES BEDROOM - MORNING
We immediately notice scattered LIQUOR and CHAMPAGNE BOTTLES.
This aint elegant or classy. JESSE (35), stands in front of
the mirror.
Hes the type who should smile more. The BAGS under his eyes
suggests that he wont age gracefully. He jiggles a PILL from
a bottle, for God knows what purpose.
JESSE
(to himself)
I wanna make this brief ...
We pan out and meet BECCA (early 20s), a hot stripper. Shes
filing her finger nails, and pays Jesse no mind.
JESSE
... I quit. And I hate you all,
very much.
His words suddenly AROUSE Becca.
BECCA
Did you just say, you quit?
JESSE
Morning peptalk. Dont mind me.
BECCA
Im with you because of your drive?
You know that, right?
JESSE
About that. I think we need to
talk.
BECCA
We do enough of that already. Why
dont you lie back down, while I
make breakfast?

2.
JESSE
Youve been making me breakfast
since Tuesday.
BECCA
Is that a bad thing?
JESSE
Well yeah. Youve been staying over
since Tuesday.
BECCA
And I clean this place up. And I
have dinner waiting for you.
JESSE
What Im about to say isnt easy.
He pauses, more to keep a straight face, than anything else.
JESSE
You showed me travel brochures the
other day. I think we should just
... Call it.
BECCA
(emotional)
But, 75 % of couples that travel;
find long term happiness.
She gets outta bed stark NAKED. She seductively backs him up
against the wall. Jesse didnt listen to a word she said; but
hes moved none the less. She drops to her knees ...
CUT TO:
INT. BEVERLY HILLS HIGHRISE - MAIN FLOOR - LATER
Jesse walks through the lobby. He approaches a DOORMAN and
hands him a BILL.
JESSE
I gotta little situation in my
place. See that shes out, before I
get back from work.
The Doorman takes the bill and grins.
INT. BEVERLY HILLS HIGHRISE - PARKING GARAGE - LATER
Jesse approaches a GLEAMING, 72, CHEERY RED CORVETTE. Its
his PRIDE and JOY!

3.
He notices a DULL SPOT that he quickly WIPES off. Satisfied,
he hops inside an unimpressive FORD EXPLORER. And hes off!
INT. GAS STATION - MOMENTS LATER
Jesse has two TALL BOYS on the counter. The CASHIER snickers.
CASHIER
Card declined.
JESSE
What? But theres no way.
CASHIER
Apparently there is.
JESSE
(frustrated)
Its probably frozen. Its a joint
account with my ex-wife.
CASHIER
Do you have another way to pay 4
dollars and 38 cents?
Jesse digs in his wallet. Off screen, we hear the CRACK of a
beer can opening.
EXT. HIGHWAY - LATER
Jesses engaged in a battle with the radio. He drives by an
anti-drinking and driving BILLBOARD.
It shows an angry father in the kitchen; with his wife and
kid huddled up in the corner, real scared. It reads WHEN YOU
DRINK, YOURE NOT JUST HURTING YOURSELF!
Jesse sarcastically TOASTS to the billboard before taking a
swig.
EXT. CBC STUDIOS - ENTRANCE - LATER
Jesse flashes a BADGE to the blue collar GATE ATTENDANT. They
exchange miserable nods.

4.
INT. CBC STUDIOS - LATER
Were now on set, which is a Junior High cafeteria. We focus
on the AUDIENCE. Which is made up of children, lots of
children.
ANNOUNCER (O.S.)
Welcome to the Live taping of
Gilbert! But before we begin, lets
meet him ... Our best pal, GILBERT!
We watch, in both horror and pity, as Jesse enters in FULL
COSTUME. A poindexter outfit thats five sizes too small.
He sports a dorky white guy fro and fake braces.
JESSE
(as Gilbert)
Hey kids are you ready to get
Funky?
Yeah!

AUDIENCE

JESSE
(as Gilbert)
Well then what are we waiting for?
Lets get Funky!
Jesse begins doing the dopiest DANCE, because Gilbert is an
overgrown dope. We pan closer to his eyes. This is a side of
Jesse, that he still hasnt come to terms with. Hes working.
END TEASER

5.
ACT I
INT. CBC STUDIOS - MORNING
Were back on the set of Gilbert. The scene calls for an icecream eating contest. Jesses in complete character.
A bunch of CHILD EXTRAS form TWO GROUPS. One is led by
Gilbert and his friends. The other group is led by a bunch of
mean looking boys in LITTLE LETTERMAN JACKETS.
Action!

DIRECTOR (O.S.)

Gilbert turns to his co-star KELLEN (14), a spoiled brat with

looks made for Tiger Beat Magazine.
JESSE
(as Gilbert)
I dont know about this. That sure
is a lotta ice-cream.
KELLEN
(in character)
Gilbert, were counting on you.
Its time for you to ...
(turns to audience)
MAKE IT HAPPEN!
The audience SCREAMS hysterically as Kellen says his CATCH
PHRASE. Kellen practically breaks character, posing.
JESSE
(as Gilbert)
Well, here goes nothing!
Within seconds, Gilbert becomes a COMPLETE MESS. His opponent
doesnt stand a chance. At last a WHISTLE BLOWS. The contest
is over, and the audience ERUPTS.
Gilbert turns to Kellen and they SLAP FIVE!
JESSE
(as Gilbert)
Wow. I really did it!
All eyes turn to Kellen. Its obviously his line ... However,
Kellen can only LAUGH ... And everything STOPS.
Cut!

DIRECTOR (O.S.)

6.
KELLEN
(to Audience)
Yo, yo, yo; Im so sorry.
The Audience starts CHEERING. Jesse, now out of character,
stares down Kellen in a silent RAGE.
Jesse turns to GREG (35); the show runner, but Greg is all
smiles.
KELLEN
Yo G, I got the next one, I
promise.
GREG
You know what they say, the 8th
takes the charm!
Jesse must SUPPRESS his temper. He exits to clean up.
INT. CBC STUDIOS - BACKSTAGE - LATER
A cleaned off Jesse stares at himself in the mirror. Hes
INFURIATED. The scene took an eternity to finish.
Greg enters. Jesse rolls his eyes.
GREG
We need to talk.
JESSE
I know what this is about. I dont
do guest appearances.
GREG
The whole cast is doing this Bat
Mitzvah. Except you.
JESSE
Im a method actor! And my
character is afraid of girls. So
excuse me, for putting my
characters wants before my own!
Jesse STORMS off. Greg shakes his head and follows.
INT. CBC STUDIOS - BUFFET TABLE - CONTINUOUS
We meet Jesses best friend, Harold (30s). A fat, scheming
writer; who helps himself to a BLACK COFFEE. He looks
hungover and grumpy.

7.
Kellen enters. Harold tries to leave, but its too late.
KELLEN
Just the man I been looking fo.
HAROLD
(fake smile)
Kellen! My main man!
KELLEN
Naw bruh, dis bizness. Gilbert had
three more lines den me!
(smacks Harold)
Three!
HAROLD
Its going to even out by Act II!
KELLEN
I need da ball early and often!
Maybe I need to get G involved?
HAROLD
Dont go to Greg! I got ya back!
They have a quick STARE DOWN, that Kellen wins.
KELLEN
Aaight, Ill let it slide. But you
slippin!
Kellen exits. Harold feels thouroughly degraded.
EXT. STUDIO - MOMENTS LATER
Jesses outside enjoying the peace and quiet. Hes
immediately rushed by PETER (40s), a slim, clean cut man;
with a creepy AURA, all his own.
PETER
Where have you been, my son?
JESSE
What did I tell you about that!
PETER
For me its not just a show.
Sometimes I truly do see you as my
son. Isnt that funny?
JESSE
What do you want, Peter?

8.
PETER
Aarons in trouble, we must act
fast and accordingly!
We meet AARON (13), a chubby kid, who plays a bullying jock.
Like Jesse, hes also very uncomfortable around Peter.
AARON
Kellen put Slimfast on my desk. He
said it was a present. Even the
tutor was laughing at me!
JESSE
Seriously kid, dont you have
parents?
PETER
I cant believe Kellen would do a
thing like that!
AARON
Even Greg took his side!
JESSE
You think life sucks now? Wait til
you get older.
Jesse openly smirks as he heads back inside.
INT. BACKSTAGE - MOMENTS LATER
Jesse re-enters. Hes immediately flanked by VICTOR (early
20s); his efficient, yet under appreciated assistant.
JESSE
How many backstage passes did you
hand out?
Six.

VICTOR

JESSE
The Redhead in the front row?
Oh yeah.

VICTOR

JESSE
How many came with kids?
VICTOR
All of em. But I set up a pizza
party to keep the brats busy.

9.
JESSE
Call Harold. Tell him to bring
Redbull and Vodka. Cheap Vodka!
VICTOR
Hes already waiting in your
trailer. He also called dibs on the
Redhead. But I wouldnt be too
worried about it.
Jesse gives an approving nod. Victor stiffens.
VICTOR
My apologies. But your lawyer and
accountant have been calling all
morning.
JESSE
Take a message. Im a busy man.
Victor nods. Jesse continues to his trailer.
INT. TRAILER - DAY
Jesse enters his trailer. Harold is already making DRINKS.
Jesse nonchalantly grabs one.
HAROLD
I call dibs on the Redhead!
Jesse rolls his eyes.
HAROLD
Im going to kill that little shit!
JESSE
I thought Kellen was your main man?
HAROLD
Make it Happen was clearly in the
script! Yet you do nothing, when he
brags about ad-libbing it!
JESSE
Theyre going to buy whatever he
sells. So Im neutral.
HAROLD
Thats my phrase. Ive been saying
that line since High School!

10.
JESSE
And it found its home, with soccer
moms and little kids.
HAROLD
Keep joking, dick. Ill have Peter
tucking Gilby into bed, in no
time.
JESSE
I heard Peters weirding out the
Adult fans. I might be getting a
new Dad!
HAROLD
No. Greg wants you to have a Mom.
The Single-Father thing looked good
in theory. But when the SingleFathers Peter, it looks perverted.
Jesse nods in agreement. We hear a KNOCK at the door
EXT. PARKING LOT - MOMENTS LATER
Jesse opens his trailer door. Its Victor.
VICTOR
Your accountant called two more
times.
Jesse frowns and SLAMS the door.
JESSE
Set it up someplace where I can
grab a drink!
Victor starts to protest, but wisely nods.
EXT. SMALL CLASS ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Kellen sports a T-Shirt that says BORN TO ... MAKE IT
HAPPEN! He approaches Aaron in the front row.
KELLEN
Sorry about da prank, yo. Da crew
can get a lil carried away.
Kellen gives Aaron a friendly pat. Aaron FLINCHES.
KELLEN
Relax bruh. I aint gon hurt you.
I see a lotta potential in you.

11.

You do?

AARON

KELLEN
Hell Yeah! Now we got the uh ...
(snaps fingers)
AARON
Bat Mitzvah?
KELLEN
Yeah! Now her sister is 16. I only
fucks wit da older bitches. And me
and the crew is havin a contest.
We sending her pics of our dicks
with rulers!
What for?

AARON

KELLEN
What you think! She gon give it up
to the winner. Da bitch is outta
control!
No way!

AARON

KELLEN
Aye, dont ever doubt me bruh!
Anytime Im talking bitches or
bizness; Im always telling the
truth ... So you in?
Aarons too nervous to think. The TUTOR enters ...
KELLEN
(to Tutor)
Yo, one second?
(to Aaron)
You either in or you out? Right
now!
AARON
Ok, Ok, Im in!
Kellen smirks, and gives Aaron a hard SLAP on the back.
EXT. TRENDY RESTAURANT - DAY
Jesse sits across from his ACCOUNTANT (40s).

12.
JESSE
Lemme guess. My credit cards are
frozen. And theres nothing you can
do?
ACCOUNTANT
Why arent you paying your alimony?
JESSE
Jills father is a millionaire. She
doesnt need my money!
ACCOUNTANT
According to the State of
California; she doesnt work. And
shes entitled to her alimony.
JESSE
I wanted a prenup! But Trust Fund
Baby said No! ... Now Im too
broke to even appeal this thing!
ACCOUNTANT
You must be patient with the
process.
JESSE
Are we done here?
ACCOUNTANT
I have a gig, that pays money.
Jesses ears perk up.
ACCOUNTANT
Its only a few hours of work.
JESSE
What is it?
ACCOUNTANT
A guest appearance at a Bat
Mitzvah.
JESSE
I hate guest appearances!
ACCOUNTANT
Its my advice, that you keep that
to yourself. And take the job.
JESSE
Whatever. Count me in.

13.
Jesse frowns at the very man, who just made him money.
INT. GREGS OFFICE - LATER
Jesse enters and has a seat across from Greg.
JESSE
Ive been doing a lot of thinking
about guest appearances.
You have?

GREG

JESSE
It would mean everything, to
connect with the fans. I wanna
start by attending the Bat Mitzvah.
GREG
Great. Her familys going to be
thrilled!
JESSE
Not more thrilled than me. I ...
A KNOCK is heard at the door. Jesses too busy RAMBLING to
notice. CAMILLA (27) enters. Shes intelligent, beautiful,
and Brazilian.
CAMILLA
Oh. Sorry. Am I interrupting?
Jesse hears a voice that he instantly recognizes. Could it
be?
JESSE
Camilla? Oh my god! Is that you?
CAMILLA
Jesse! Its been forever!
They LEAP into each others arms! Jesse reveals a side of
himself that we havent seen before. Hes genuinely ECSTATIC!
END ACT I

14.
ACT II
INT. GREGS OFFICE - AFTERNOON
Jesse releases Camilla from their hug. His eyes remain locked
on her.
GREG
You two know each other?
CAMILLA
We studied acting together in New
York.
GREG
He studied acting?
Jesse grins and bears it.
CAMILLA
How long has it been? Six years?
JESSE
I thought you said you would never
come to L.A.?
CAMILLA
I said I would never be apart of
the Hollywood machine. But this is
more than working for a paycheck.
This is education. Like you. I know
youre not in it for a paycheck?
JESSE
You know me so well!
GREG
First line of business. The whole
cast is doing a Bat Mitzvah.
Camilla, I would like you to go and
observe.
JESSE
Thats a great idea!
GREG
(off his look)
You guys have chemistry. Youre
going to need it, playing Mother
and Son.
Jesse looks at floor. We pan to a POSTER of Gilbert, stuck in
an elementary classroom desk.

15.
INT. STUDIO - BACKSTAGE - LATER
Jesse shows Camilla around ...
CAMILLA
Do you ever think about Barefoot in
the Park?
JESSE
All the time.
CAMILLA
We were really good in that one.
JESSE
We always had great chemistry.
CAMILLA
I knew you were going to get your
big break in that role.
JESSE
Remember when I was ready to quit?
But you made me go to the audition?
CAMILLA
You were too good to quit.
JESSE
I always felt like I owed you. For
believing in me.
CAMILLA
You were the first one who saw me
as something more than a sexy
seductress.
Jesse looks deeply into her eyes.
Jesse?
What kid?

AARON (O.S.)
JESSE

Jesse puts on a fake smile in front of Camilla.

AARON
Can we talk for a second?
JESSE
Sure thing uh, buddy.
(to Camilla)
(MORE)

16.
JESSE (CONT'D)
Give us a minute. Im kindve like
his big brother.
Camilla walks away. Jesse puts an arm around Aaron.
AARON
So uh, Kellen and his friendsJESSE
Shut up kid, youre doing great ...
Now in ten seconds were going to
high five, and youre going to
split! Ok?
Jesse looks over at Camilla and SMILES. Then Aaron gets an
unexpected SHOVE down the hall!
EXT. STUDIO - PARKING LOT - CONTINUOUS
Jesse enters the parking lot with Camilla. They head towards
his trailer, where Harold and the SIX MOMS await. Victor
instinctively runs out to meet him.
VICTOR
You better get over there quick.
Harolds going heavy at the RedheadJESSE
(tense)
This is Camilla, the newest member
of our cast.
Camilla and Victor greet.
JESSE
(winks at Victor)
So tell the girls from MADD, that I
wont be joining them, for the big
charity.
VICTOR
(returns wink)
Sure thing Boss.
Jesse turns to Camilla.
JESSE
Lemme show you the dressing rooms.
Jesse leads Camilla back inside.

17.
INT. STUDIO - CLASSROOMS - AFTERNOON
Aaron enters the room looking like a nervous wreck. He walks
to the back row, where Kellen has a seat ready.
KELLEN
What up fam. Did you send it?
Not yet.
Why not!

AARON
KELLEN

AARON
My, my phone is out of minutes!
KELLEN
We gettin all this money, and you
aint got no minutes? Lemme see yo
phone!
Kellen SNATCHES it from Aaron. And quickly dials.
KELLEN
No minutes my ass; dis bitch is
ringin ...
(to phone/proper voice)
Hello? ... Im calling from the
show, to inform you that your son
has Herpes! ...
(Kellens voice)
In his ass, bitch! ...
(proper voice)
Hold on, hell explain.
Kellen hands the phone over to a humiliated Aaron.
AARON
(to phone)
Mom ...?
INT. CBC STUDIOS - DRESSING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Jesse is giving Camilla the grand tour.
CAMILLA
You really care about people. I
admire that about you.
JESSE
(changes subject)
God, I miss central park.

18.
CAMILLA
(ignores him)
My niece learned English from
watching shows like Gilbert. Youre
practically teaching kids English!
JESSE
Lets just say. I have a love/hate
relationship with my character.
CAMILLA
Youre helping people learn. And
you make them laugh. That takes
talent.
JESSE
You remember when I was in
Glengarry Glen Ross? That took
talent.
CAMILLA
Just be patient. Youll get roles
like that again.
JESSE
Theres only one role I want to
play.
CAMILLA
And what is that?
JESSE
Its about this guy, who wants to
invite an old friend over for
dinner.
They share a smile, and the same corny sense of humor.
CAMILLA
Sounds interesting, what is he
cooking?
JESSE
Youll just have to come and see.
They share another smile and unspoken yes.
EXT. TRAILERS - CONTINUOUS
Harold is holding court with the Six Moms. Kellen approaches
on his SKATEBOARD.

19.
REDHEAD
Is that Kellen Farmer? My
daughters in love with him!
Harold looks intimidated. The Six Moms CROWD around Kellen.
HAROLD
My main man!
KELLEN
(ignores Harold)
Wassup Ladies.
HAROLD
Nothing Kellen. Just giving the
fans a backstage experience.
KELLEN
Harolds the head writer. He writes
the magic.
Harold exhales. Kellens not be so bad after all.
KELLEN
The only line we could never agree
on was, Make it Happen. But hes
a good sport about it.
Kellen playfully PUNCHES Harold for emphasis. Harold rolls
his eyes.
HAROLD
Yeah, its actors like my main man,
that make my job easier.
REDHEAD
(to Kellen)
You gotta meet my daughter. Shes
so in love with you!
HAROLD
No!- I mean, he has class!
KELLEN
No I dont.
HAROLD
And what would Greg say?
KELLEN
G would say I need the ball early
and often!
Harold POUTS. The Six Moms start walking away.

20.
KELLEN
Go on Ladies. Ill catch up with
you on my skateboard.
The Moms continue. Kellen turns to Harold.
KELLEN
Lil Bitch!
Kellen TAKES OFF. Harold has a TEMPER TANTRUM.
INT. WRITERS ROOM - DAY
Harolds still FUMING. Hes knee deep in his FLASK, when
Aaron enters.
AARON
Do you have a minute?
Harold makes a half-hearted attempt to hide his flask.
Busy.

HAROLD

AARON
Itll only take a second. KellensHAROLD
I dont wanna talk about Kellen!
AARON
But hes making me do something
really bad!
HAROLD
(devilish grin)
Then tell me everything, friend. I
got ya back.
Harold practically throws an arm around Aaron.
INT. DIVE BAR - EVENING
Jesse and Harold have their after work drinks.
HAROLD
Oh, how the tables have turned.
JESSE
I smell a scheme cooking.

21.
HAROLD
Its foolproof! Youre doing the
Bat-Mitzvah. So is Kellen. All you
gotta do is bust him, when he takes
his little dick pic.
JESSE
What the hell are you talking
about?
HAROLD
Aarons in the contest too. Dont
know, dont care. The important
thing is that you bust Kellen. And
get that little brat fired!
No.

JESSE

HAROLD
You in or you out? Right now!
JESSE
No! ... Now you need to meet a real
woman, who brings out the real you.
Then your life wont be about lies
and schemes.
HAROLD
What are you talking about?
JESSE
(eyes soften)
I know the new actress. I knew her
from New York. Back when I was
motivated. She knew the real me.
That was our connection. Not lies,
not booze.
HAROLD
And what about now, Jackass?
JESSE
What about now?
HAROLD
When was the last time you got
through a day without drinking?
Huh? What about pills? Dont get me
started on all the escorts andJESSE
Ok. Alright. I get it!

22.
HAROLD
Youre not that dude anymore. And
the harder you go at this girl, the
quicker shell find out.
JESSE
I can change. The hardest step is
admitting it.
HAROLD
Thats for breaking addictions! The
hardest part of change, will be
doing it.
JESSE
I talked about acting, long before
it became my job.
HAROLD
Actings your passion! Talking
about it motivates you. Same with
Booze. But not change. People like
us dont change.
Jesse rolls his eyes. What does Harold know?
INT. JESSES CONDO - LIVING ROOM - EVENING
Jesses place looks IMMACULATE. He has DINNER set up in front
of the couch, where Camilla and him rehearse.
CAMILLA
Go on. Say it ... Its funny!
JESSE
(as Gilbert)
Where do babies come from?
CAMILLA
(in character)
Well Im glad you asked, my sonJESSE
(changes subject)
Lets not rehearse! How do you like
the Chicken Alfredo? I havent lost
my touch, right?
CAMILLA
You were always the master chef.
Jesse looks deep into her eyes.

23.
CAMILLA
I love your Corvette. Why dont you
drive it?
JESSE
Its a classic. I dont drive it
very much.
Jesse looks into her eyes, more deliberately this time. We
hear a loud deliberate KNOCK at the door.
BECCA (O.S.)
Open up! I know youre in there!
JESSE
(to Camilla)
One second.
Jesse RUSHES to the door. But wisely doesnt open it.
BECCA (O.S.)
I want my shit!
JESSE
(to Camilla)
I gotta gather some things for a
clothing drive. Be right back!
Jesse cringes and RUNS back to his bedroom.
BECCA (O.S.)
I left lingerie.
(bangs door)
And sex toys!
BEDROOM
Jesse quickly rounds up her THINGS. Of course its all
raunchy. He finds a TOWEL and WRAPS it all up.
LIVING ROOM
Jesse quickly approaches the door. As he opens the door, the
towel UNRAVELS. Camilla notices the raunchy things.
JESSE
Its some props I got stuck with,
from a role I had.
Jesse barely OPENS the door. He TOSSES Becca her things.
Call me!

JESSE

24.
Jesse immediately SLAMS the door. And LOCKS it.
INT. JESSES CONDO - LATER
Jesse finally has peace and quiet. He looks over at Camilla.
JESSE
I feel like today is the beginning
of the rest of my life. Ive never
felt that way before.
CAMILLA
Im so glad youre not some
Hollywood jerk. You know? The guy
who wakes up to liquor, and pills,
and strippers.
JESSE
I would die before I become that
guy ... Camilla, I have something
to tell you ...
CAMILLA
I have something to tell you too!
Jesse, I ...
He feels like he can read her. He makes a MOVE. He passes the
point of no return ...
CAMILLA
... Have a boyfriend back in New
York! You two should Jesse FALLS off the couch, as the words sink in.
Jesse looks up at Camilla from the floor. We havent this
side of him before. Hes genuinely CRUSHED.
END ACT II

25.
ACT III
EXT. TRENDY RESTAURANT - EVENING
Jesse and Harold have drinks in THE GROVE. This is a place
where everyones young and attractive, or old and successful.
JESSE
(downs shot)
I gotta change and get Camilla!
HAROLD
Some change. Youre still boozing.
JESSE
Its not the drinking thats
getting in the way. Its the
boyfriend.
HAROLD
Give it up. Hes a stockbroker.
JESSE
Sounds boring to me.
HAROLD
Sounds stable. Hows his credit?
... Good.

JESSE

HAROLD
Drinking problem?
JESSE
... Drinks smoothies.
HAROLD
Well that solves that. Just fix up
the Corvette. Youll get all the
pussy you want.
JESSE
Its a classic. I dont driveHAROLD
Dont use that line on me. You
drove it into the goddamn ground!
And now it has no engine!
JESSE
Im gonna get it fixed. And Im
gonna get Camilla!

26.
HAROLD
I got real problems. Kellen wants
to sell Make it Happen T-Shirts.
The nerve of that little prick!
JESSE
I didnt come here to talk about
the goddamn show!
HAROLD
All you gotta do is reconsider.
JESSE
Im not getting involved a dick pic
contest!
Heads turn at the mention of dick pic.
HAROLD
Hey! I listened to you whine about
a chick, who plays your Mom. Sounds
desperate, if you ask me.
JESSE
Is that blunt honesty I hear? ...
Kellens your slave-master. And
everybody knows it!
HAROLD
You should set realistic goals.
Like landing the role of Oedipus!
JESSE
Youre writing Barabbas!
And?

HAROLD

JESSE
You dont go from writing Gilbert,
to Barabbas! An epic time piece,
about the prisoner who gets spared
instead of Jesus!
Heads turn at the mention Jesus!
HAROLD
I was never writing it for you.
Youre not good enough!
JESSE
I was born to play Barabbas. And
you damn well know it!

27.
A WAITRESS approaches with DRINKS.
WAITRESS
Guys, heres a couple drinks on the
house. Now please keep it down.
Both men grab their drinks. Their feud immediately
dissipates. Jesse DOWNS his drink.
HAROLD
Take it easy. You got the Bat
Mitzvah.
JESSE
Relax. The easiest role to play, is
a sober person.
HAROLD
But youre drCUT TO:
EXT. BEL AIR MANSION - EVENING
We hear tires SCREECH along the BEAUTIFUL CURVED DRIVEWAY!
Jesse SKIDS over the ROSES that run adjacent to the driveway.
Off screen, we hear a loud beer BURP. Followed by the sound
of a DOORBELL RINGING.
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - ENTRANCE - MOMENTS LATER
Jesse is greeted by a clean cut FATHER. And his pretty as can
be DAUGHTER (12).
FATHER
Wheres your costume?
JESSE
(slurs)
Nobody said anything to me about a
costume.
FATHER
You really think Im paying you to
just hang around my daughter?
JESSE
Oh yeah, Happy Birthday Angel!
(rubs her hair)
Enjoy it while it lasts.

28.
FATHER
This is her Bat Mitzvah. Not her
birthday!
JESSE
Oh? Neat. Wheres the bathroom?
Jesse really has to go. So he takes off! The Father SIGHS ...
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
We wait outside the bathroom with Greg. Jesse is STARTLED, as
he opens the door.
GREG
I brought your costume. Luckily his
wife does make up.
Greg hands Jesse a Gilbert GYM BAG. Jesse inhales, then
flashes a fake smile to the wholesome looking FAMILY.
EXT. BEL AIR MANSION - POOL - NIGHT
Jesse is in character, surrounded by 12-14 year old KIDS. The
kids feel no shame in cruelly taunting poor ole Gilbert.
A BOY (13) runs up to Gilbert.
BOY
I heard somebody has a gun!
JESSE
(as Gilbert)
Oh no! A gun!
We hear a BALLOON POP! Gilbert makes an exaggerated DIVE for
cover! A boy runs up and KICKS Gilbert in the leg! Gilbert
CONVULSES in an exaggerated display of pain!
Two BOYS (13) run up and draw WATER GUNS on Gilbert.
Drive by!

BOYS

JESSE
(as Gilbert)
Im drowning! Im drowning!
Hes working. And hes miserable.

29.
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - LIVING ROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Kellen and his POSSE (13-15) stand off to the side. The
Daughter and her FRIENDS (12) practically drool over him from
afar. She and her friends anxiously approach him.
FRIEND 1
(re. Daughter)
Can she have this dance?
She turns to the Daughter, and they both GIGGLE.
KELLEN
Not while Im working baby. Dis
bizness, not personal.
POSSE 1
Aye yo, here he come!
Aaron enters. He approaches Kellen. The Posse STOPS him and
PATS him down, before he can proceed.
KELLEN
The whole crew sent dick pics. We
all waitin on you.
AARON
So, um, how was it?
KELLEN
What you wanna know dat fo? You
gay? ... The question is, when are
you gon send yours?
AARON
But, but, theres no where to go?
KELLEN
Man you betta go to the bathroom
like a Boss!
AARON
You think so?
I know so!

KELLEN

Kellen SHOOS Aaron away. Then he WINKS at his Posse.

KELLEN
Dat foo thinks we all sent pics.
Dont he know Im running on a no
effort platform, for these hoes.

30.
Kellen SLAPS hands with his Posse for emphasis.
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - KITCHEN - MOMENTS LATER
Jesses on the phone, while FIXING a COCKTAIL. He constantly
looks around to see if someones coming.
JESSE
(to phone)
Harold. Im not getting involved in
Kellens contest ... No, I wont
think about it! ... You need help,
you know that?
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - LIBRARY - CONTINUOUS
Jesse drinks his cocktail. He finds comfort in this empty
room .... He hears FOOTSTEPS, and assumes its the Father.
JESSE
Five more minutes!
Camilla enters. Jesse clutches his cocktail, speechless.
CAMILLA
Are you drinking? On the job?
JESSE
I can explain!
CAMILLA
Dont bother. People talk, Jesse. I
say Thats not the Jesse I
remember. And they say, Awe! You
must not know the real Jesse.
JESSE
Thats just jealousy talking!
CAMILLA
No! You must think Im a fool. You
dont care about people. Its all
lies and contradictions! You dont
even care about yourself!
Camilla STORMS off! And Jesse is left ALONE, with his
cocktail. And he wonders why.
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - DOWNSTAIRS BATHROOM - CONTINUOUS
Kellen and his Posse lead Aaron inside.

31.
KELLEN
Get your ass in that shower and
dont come out until the pic is
sent!
Aaron steps inside the shower.
KELLEN
I want yall posted outside this
door. Show him no mercy if he tries
to sneak out.
Kellen and his Posse exit.
HALLWAY
Kellens Posse HUDDLES around the door.
KELLEN
Tell him he came in last. Dead
last!
Kellen takes off.
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Jesse approaches the bathroom. Feeling lower than hes felt
in a while.
POSSE 1
Whats the password?
JESSE
Move outta the goddamn way!
Jesse SHOVES the kid aside and enters.
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - BATHROOM - MOMENTS LATER
Jesse hears COMMOTION coming from the shower. Jesse
approaches and PULLS the shower curtains back.
JESSE
Son of a bitch!
Jesse BLOCKS our view of Aaron.
AARON (O.S.)
Its not my fault! Its not my
fault!

32.
JESSE
(impressed)
Kid youre going to be just fine.
Now give me the phone. And zip up
your pants!
AARON
Im so sorry!
Aaron steps outside of the shower all zipped up.
JESSE
What the hell were you thinking?
AARON
Kellen started being nice. It was
so much better than when he was
being mean.
JESSE
Holy shit kid. You gotta learn to
stick up for yourself!
How?

AARON

JESSE
Well for starters. If you dont
wanna do something, then say No.
AARON
Can you show me? I mean, youre so
cool.
JESSE
What the hell is cool about me?
AARON
Youre always with women from the
stands.
JESSE
(ashamed)
Yet I live alone. And Im
struggling.
AARON
You probably have this big bachelor
pad!
JESSE
Yeah kinda- No! Just shut up and
listen kid! Now look in the mirror.

33.
He motions to the MIRROR. They stare together.
JESSE
This is who you dont wanna be
like. I hate my life and Im going
no where! Except maybe rehab.
AARON
But youre the best actor I know.
JESSE
If you wait long enough. Potential
will turn into wasted talent ...
Come on kid.
They turn towards the exit.
EXT. BEL AIR MANSION - POOL - CONTINUOUS
Greg is on the phone, while taking in the Bat Mitzvah.
Everything seems to be in order.
GREG
(to phone)
Harold. Slow down ... Kellen did
what? ... Having a contest? ...
Well thanks! I guess I have some
business to attend to!
Greg hangs up. He SCANS the room for Kellen and Aaron!
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - LIVING ROOM - CONTINUOUS
Kellen and his Posse STORM through the living room.
KELLEN
(to Posse)
No! Im telling G! ... Jesse cant
just shove you like that!
We see that Greg and Kellen are headed for each other.
GREG
Whats this I hear about a contest?
KELLEN
What? What contest?
Kellen turns to his Posse for support.

34.
GREG
Dont play dumb with me. Tell me
the truth!
KELLEN
Look G; Aarons been acting really
angry lately. He wanted to have
this contest; but I told him No.
I tried to get him to stop. I
swear!
GREG
Take it easy. Aarons obviously out
of control. Now where is he?
KELLEN
I think hes upstairs taking the
pictures!
GREG
Oh my god! Think damage control!
Greg goes RED. We look closely, and see the SLIGHT SMIRK on
Kellens face.
INT. BEL AIR MANSION - HALLWAY - MOMENTS LATER
Jesse and Aaron exit the bathroom. They are RUSHED by Greg
and the others.
GREG
Tell me he didnt send any pics?
JESSE
No. Aarons fine. But I cant speak
for the Golden Child.
GREG
Kellens fine too. But Jesse ...
(genuinely impressed)
You saved us all from a disaster.
JESSE
Im just doing what I do everyday.
Jesse continues past Greg. Kellen and his Posse fearfully
PART, and we see ... Camilla. Smiling with approval!
CAMILLA
That was a really good thing you
did. Thats the Jesse that I knew.

35.
JESSE
Thats the real me.
CAMILLA
I truly hope so, Jesse.
They head back to the Bat Mitzvah, which is winding down. We
see Jesse, like we havent seen him yet. Hes genuinely PROUD
of himself.
EXT. BEL AIR MANSION - FRONT YARD - LATER
The Bat Mitzvah was a hit! Jesse shakes hands with the
family. He has made new fans, whether he likes it or not.
Jesse and Camilla walk to their cars.
CAMILLA
You were already a great guy. You
didnt have to change.
JESSE
I know that now. Somewhere along
the way I mustve forgot.
CAMILLA
I really want to be friends. I
really want to watch your career
take off.
JESSE
I would like that.
They hug. He would like so much more than that. He admires
her as she gets in her car.
He feels ILLUMINATED. Partly by her headlights, and partly by
his CONSCIOUS. For the first time in years, its at ease.
INT. JESSES CONDO - BEDROOM - LATER
Jesses dressed in sweat pants, ready for bed. His bedroom is
still IMMACULATE. He goes to his closet and slides the door.
All kinds of RANDOM JUNK spills out!
A bottle of BOOZE rolls to his feet ... He picks it up and
puts it back. He grabs a thermal and prepares for bed.

36.
EXT. CBC STUDIOS - PARKING LOT - MORNING
Jesse and Harold walk to the sound stage. Jesses as pale as
a ghost, and COUGHS violently.
HAROLD
You look like shit. I thought you
said you were changing? For the
girl?
JESSE
I am. I havent had a drink in 19
hours.
HAROLD
Jesse, how much were you drinking?
JESSE
A lot I guess.
(coughs violently)
HAROLD
Good luck brother.
JESSE
I dont need luck. Im already a
great actor!
HAROLD
I cant believe that brat got away
with everything!
They approach the glass sound stage doors. We see a
REFLECTION of these two best friends. Both fighting for their
place in the world.
We look closer at Jesses eyes, we notice a SPARK that wasnt
there before ...
JESSE
Harold, let it go. Its showtime!
Jesse is DRIVEN. He opens the doors, and they enter.
END ACT III

37.
TAG
INT. CAMILLAS APARTMENT - DAY
Jesse and Camilla sit on the couch, in her Echo Park
apartment. They are planning a picnic. A picnic basket lies
in between them.
CAMILLA
Fresh Cherries?
Jesse scans the picnic basket.
Check!
Red wine?
Check!

JESSE
CAMILLA
JESSE

CAMILLA
No. We shouldnt bring wine.
Its fine.

JESSE

CAMILLA
No. We should bring coconut water.
Jesse grimaces.
JESSE
Youre such a good friend.
We hear a KNOCK at the door.
CAMILLA
Ill get the door. Can you get the
coconut water?
Jesse nods and goes to the Kitchen. He hears the door OPEN.
Followed by Camilla SCREAMING!
Jesse RUNS to Camillas aid! But a clean cut MAN (35) is
already there.
CAMILLA
Jesse, meet Trevor. This is my
boyfriend!

38.
TREVOR
Hi. Im Trevor. Shes told me a lot
about you.
Jesse shakes Trevors hand. He digs deep and keeps his
bearing.
CAMILLA
Trevor, what are you doing here?
TREVOR
Im moving here! ... Im moving to
L.A.!
Camilla LEAPS into Trevors arms! Shes quite the FRISKY one.
Its obvious that she really misses her man.
We take this in with Jesse. He stiffens. He hasnt seen this
side of her before.
Jesse gets DIZZY. He blocks out everything and everyone. He
can only focus on one thing ...
The wine bottle. It lies in the picnic basket. And right now,
it seems like Jesses best friend.
FADE TO BLACK.
END PILOT