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imply stated, the dining manners you use are an outward expression of your sensitivity to the comfort
of those around you. Youll find here the most important and impressive dining skills that will equip you
to enjoy each meal with ease, savvy, and confidence. Put these skills into practice and whether youre
enjoying breakfast with your family, an important business lunch, or a romantic dinner for two, youll be free to
concentrate on issues that matter: your conversation, your agenda, andmost importantlythe other person.

Seven Course Meal Setting

Champagne
Flute

Individual
Pepper Shaker
Menu
Individual
Salt Shaker
Water
Goblet

Red
Wine Glass

Butter Knife
Dessert Spoon

Dessert Fork
White
Wine Glass

Bread & Butter

Plate

Sherry
Glass

iImpressive Dining Skills for Every Meal

Soup Spoon

Fish Knife

Dinner Knife

Salad Knife

Salad Fork

Dinner Fork

Fish Fork

Cocktail
Fork

Setting the Table

The items that go on the RIGHT of your plate
all have five lettersthe same number as in the word
Rightglass, knife, and spoon.
Place the knife next to the plate with the blade facing
the plate and with the glass directly above the knife.
When a spoon is needed, place it to the right of the
knife.
For adults, and children over the age of five,
vegetables as well as starches, like mashed potatoes
and rice, should be eaten with a fork. For this reason, it
is not considered correct to set a spoon at each place
setting other than for breakfast.
Some common foods correctly eaten with a spoon
include gelatin, applesauce, yogurt, cereal, ice cream,
pudding, and, of course, soup.
Although you have to play with the words a little,
the items properly set to the LEFT of the plate all
have four lettersthe same as in the word Leftfork,

roll (or bread of any type), and napkin. Fork and roll
are easy to remember because they both have four
letters. To get napkin to fit, remember that its used to
wipe your fingers and lips, and you have another fourletter reminder.
The napkin is placed to the left of the fork,
not under it, because it is the first item used in the
place setting. (Etiquette states that once a utensil is
touched, it should not touch the table again. Putting
the napkin under the fork requires us to touch the fork
to get to the napkin.)
For special meals, a napkin may be folded into fun
shapes and placed directly on the plate.
When a napkin is placed in a glass, its a signal that
the server will place it on your lap for you.
At meals with six or more guests, its a good idea
to use place cards. The cards show your guests youve
given thought to their comfort at dinner by choosing
whom they might enjoy conversing with during the
meal. Place cards can be positioned directly above the
dinner plate or above the forks, next to the bread and
butter plate.

Three Course Meal Setting

Water
Goblet
Butter Knife
Dessert Spoon
Wine
Glass

Dessert Fork

Soup Spoon

Dinner Knife

Salad Fork

Dinner Fork

Bread & Butter

Plate

Impressive Dining Skills for Every Meal i

Coming to the Table

Remain standing until everyone comes to the table.
The host/ess should be the first to sit; after that, the
women guests sit, and lastly, the men.
As you sit, in order to avoid bumping into other
guests as you each enter your chairs, always enter the
chair from the chairs right. (Your left leg will be the
first to come into contact with the chair.) Always leave
the table by exiting from the chair in the same direction you entered it.
As a sign of respect, any time grace is to be said
prior to a meal, dont touch anything on the table until
grace is finished.
As a sign of appreciation for the host/ess, once
food is served, allow him or her to be the first one to
begin each course. Wait for him or her to pick up a fork
and begin to eat.

Napkin Know-How

The host/ess will be the first to remove his or her

napkin and place it on his/her lap to signal the meal has
begun.
Unfold your napkin once its on your lap, not while
its in mid-air.
Open your napkin completely and then refold it in
half. Keep your napkin folded in half on your lap with
the fold facing your waist.
Wipe your fingers and lips on the top portion of the
fold. The bottom half, touching your clothes, is then
kept as a barrier between the soiled portion of your
napkin and your lap.
Wipe your fingers often, especially before passing
anything.
Wipe your lips each time before taking a drink to
keep food particles or lipstick from forming a mark on
the glass.
If, for any reason, you leave the table, place your
napkin on the seat of your chair and push your chair
under the table. No one should be left looking at your
dirty napkin while youre away from the table.
To avoid getting the seats of the chair dirty, remember to place the clean side of the napkin against the
cushion.
The napkin should remain on your lap throughout
the meal and any after-dinner conversation. You place
it back on the table only when you get up to leave.
To signal the end of the meal, the host/ess will be
3

iImpressive Dining Skills for Every Meal

the first to remove her napkin from her lap and place it
the LEFT of her plate. Everyone else should then do
the same.
Dont neatly refold a used napkin. Simply lay it
loosely folded on the table.

Silverware Savvy
Once a piece of silverware has been picked up, no
part of it should touch the table again throughout the
meal.
Cut one bite of food at a time. This keeps food
from becoming cold too quickly. It also slows down
your eating and keeps your plate looking neater.
Make sure to cut and not saw your food. Cut in one
direction only.
To cut a bite of food, hold your knife in your right
hand and your fork in your left hand. Place the index
finger of each hand at the top of the handle, directly
below the tines of the fork, and the blade of the knife.
After cutting a bite, place your knife down on your
plate and transfer your fork to your right hand. (If you
are left-handed than reverse the process.)

The Silent Service Code

Rest Position: This position silently signals to
the wait staff and your fellow diners that you plan to
continue eating whats on your plate. Use this position
when doing anything other than cutting your food.
Exampls: taking a drink, eating a bite of bread or roll,

chewing whats in your mouth, talking, or if you temporarily leave the table for any reason.
How to Place your Fork: Lay the fork on your plate
with the tines facing up and pointing at 10:00 (Unlike
the Continental style of eating, in the American style,
the tines of the fork are always facing up whenever the
fork is placed on the plate.)
How to Place your Knife: Lay your knife across the
top right of the place at an angle. Make sure that the
cutting edge (the blade) of the knife faces in towards
you. (During the Middle Ages a knife laid with the
business end facing out towards other diners was a
sign of aggression towards them.)

Finish Position: This position silently signals the

wait staff and your fellow diners that you have finished
eating whats on your plate and are ready for the next
course.
How to Place your Fork: Place the tines of the fork
up and pointing to 10:00 with the handle of the fork
pointing to 4:00 as in the Rest Position.
How to Place your Knife: Place your knife beside
and just above the fork.
Note: When placing your knife in the Finish Position, leave the handles extruding approximately one
inch off the plate. This allows for faster and quieter
removal of the plates from the table. The server can
grasp the plate and the silverware with one hand without the silverware clanging against the plate.

Being Served, Passing,

and Requesting Food

The wait staff will serve all dishes and food items
from your left. This information is helpful so youll
know which way to lean to avoid bumping into dishes
as they are served to you. The wait staff will remove all
dishes and food items from your right.
Beverages are both served and removed from your
right to avoid spilling them across your lap.
When being served from a platter, take the serving
fork in your left hand and the spoon in your right; make
sure to lay the serving utensils back side-by-side so
that its easy for the next guest to serve himself.
Always take modest portions. Never fall to the
temptation of piling food high on your plate. Its much
better to go back to the buffet line three times than
returning once with food mounded on your plate.
If thin slices of meats are served, help yourself to
two. If the slices are thicker, take just one.
For a family meal where everyone is seated around
one table, all the food should be passed before anyone
begins to eat.
Help yourself to whatever dish is in front of you,
and then pass it to your right. All food should go
around the table and end-up back where it began.
Its kind to hold the dish for the person on your
right so its easier for them to serve themselves.
Pay attention to the other diners. If you notice
they have eaten the item that was in the dish you
originally passed around, offer them another serving.
If an item has been passed around the table once,
it no longer has to be passed to the right. Simply pass
it in the shortest possible route.
If everyone has had an opportunity to take a
portion of each dish, and you see theres more left, its
correct to request a second helping. In fact, this is a
compliment to the cook!
Always pass the salt and pepper together even
if only one was requested. Do not hand them to the
person next to you; instead, each person should sit
them down in front of the next person.

Impressive Dining Skills for Every Meal i

Hors D Oeuvres

Soup

In order to keep your hands clean and ready for

shaking at social functions, hold your beverage and
a clean cocktail napkin in your left hand so that your
right hand is clean and ready to offer a handshake.
Never place used toothpicks back on the serving
platter. Place them instead in one of the small bowls,
trays, or wastebaskets that should be placed in several
spots around the room.
If you cant find a tray or none is offered, place the
toothpicks in your paper cocktail napkin and throw it
away in the kitchen or even the bathroom wastebasket.
To avoid hot hors d oeuvres from splashing you
when you bite into them, allow them to cool prior to
eating. .

Always spoon soup away from you. As the spoon
travels back across the bowl or plate, any drips will
hopefully land back in the bowl instead of on your
shirt.
Its appropriate to tilt the bowl away from you to
aid in getting the last drops!
When soup is served in a soup plate, rest your
spoon in the plate between bites and when finished.
When soup is served in a cup or bowl, rest your
spoon on the small under plate, not in the bowl.
Do not slurp your soup or blow on it.
Add only one or two crackers to your soup at a
time. Do not add a whole package at once!
When eating soup from a cup, you may drink the
soup once youve eaten all the solid pieces of meats or
vegetables in the cup.

Relishes
Relish trays arent seen much these days. If you
do encounter one, place the items you take from it on
your butter plate. If you dont have a butter plate, use
the plate in front of you.
For olives, use your fork to transfer the pit from
your mouth to the butter plate.

Shrimp Cocktail
Shrimp cocktail is usually eaten with the small
seafood fork found to the far left of the forks or in the
bowl of the spoon on your right.
If lemon is served, you may pick it up with
your fork and squeeze it with your right hand over
the cocktail.
Dip the shrimp into any cocktail sauce and eat from
the fork in one or two bites.
For larger shrimp, you might need to place them on
the saucer under the cocktail glass and cut them with
the side of the fork or even your knife.

iImpressive Dining Skills for Every Meal

Breads, Rolls, and

Pastries
If the bread is next to you at the table, offer some
to the person on your left, then take a piece yourself,
and then offer it to the person on your right, who will
then pass it around the table.
Do not cut rolls. Instead, tear off and butter just
one bite at a time. Do not butter ahead for future
bites!
If you dont have a separate butter plate, simply place
your bread on the left side of the plate in front of you.
If crumbs fall around your place setting as you tear
the bread, its fine to casually pick them up and place
them on your plate.
Tear your bread and butter it on your plate. Do not
hold the bread or butter it in midair.
Biscuits, muffins, and toast should be cut in half and
buttered all at once.
A Danish should be cut in half or even quarters. You
may then eat it with your fingers or, if its sticky, you
may use your fork.
When using jam or jelly, spoon it first onto your
plate and then onto the bread or muffin.

Finger Bowls
Finger bowls seem to perplex even the most
seasoned travelers, executives, and well-heeled diners.
Not used often in the last 25 or more years, they offer
an excellent way for guests to refresh and clean their
hands after a meal.
Traditionally presented in small crystal bowls with
a single floating flower or slice of citrus as garnish, they
are brought to the table just prior to dessert on a lace
doily and placed directly in front of the diner.
Slightly dip the fingers of one hand into the water
and then dry them on your napkin. Repeat with your
other hand and then remove both the doily and bowl
together by placing them above your plate and slightly
to the left.

Handling Dining Accidents

Without Embarrassment

If you drop a piece of silverware on the floor of the

restaurant, simply ask the server to bring you another.
Theres no need to pick up the dropped piece unless
someone might trip over it.
In someones home, pick up the dropped silverware
and ask for a replacement.
If your napkin falls off your lap and you feel the
floor is clean enough, simply pick it up and place it back
on your lap.
In a restaurant, immediately tell the wait staff if
a spill occurs to prevent others from slipping. If a
piece of food drops, alert the staff only if it poses
a safety hazard.

Impressive Dining Skills for Every Meal i

 At someones house, alert the hostess immediately

of any spill and offer to help clean it. If a piece of food
drops that doesnt pose a tripping risk and wont stain
the carpet, just leave it until after the meal.
If crumbs and small pieces of food fall off the plate
and land around your place setting, feel free to subtly
place them back on your plate to avoid drawing attention to them when the plate is removed for the next
course to be served.
If you spill something on someone else, offer your
apologies and some napkins, but let the other person
do all the wiping.

Excuse Me, Please!

Dining mishaps are bound to happen. If you know
how to best handle them before they occur, you can
minimize embarrassment at the time.
If someone at the table burps, he should softly say,
Excuse me, please to no one in particular. No one at
the table should comment unless its to say, Of course
or to smile slightly as if to say, I understand you didnt
do it on purpose.
Any bodily function other than a burp should be
considered an unmentionable. No comment by the
offender or the other diners needs to be made. If youre
more comfortable saying, Please excuse me, then no
one else should say anything.
If someone needs to use the bathroom, he or she
should leave the table quietly by simply saying, Excuse
me to no one in particular. The exception would be
at a restaurant when children need to seek a parents
permission and have someone go with them for safety.
You can wipe your nose at the table if you happen
to have a handkerchief or tissue with you; never use
your napkin. Because of the rude sounds nose blowing
makes, it should be done away from the table. Likewise, if you feel a coughing spell coming on, leave the
table until it subsides.
For a random cough or sneeze, cover your mouth
with a tissue. If one is not available, use your napkin,
not your hand.

iImpressive Dining Skills for Every Meal

Duties of a Gracious
Host

Its the duty of every host to pick the restaurant.

Dont put your guests into the awkward position of
not knowing the limits of your hospitality or your bank
account. Your invitation could go something like this,
Victoria, we know that you and Bob will be celebrating your fifth anniversary next month. To celebrate,
Kent and I would like you to be our guests for dinner
at Caf France. You can then discuss which dates and
times work best for everyone.
Make sure youre at the restaurant before any of
your guests so you can welcome them as they arrive.
You may wait in the lobby or at your table.
If you wait at the table, dont place your napkin on
your lap or order a beverage. Your guests should see a
perfectly set table when they arrive.
When it comes time to order, talk about what
youve previously eaten at the restaurant and what
youre thinking of ordering now. This gives your guest
a good idea of the price range of the items he or she
should choose.
Its always best to offer your guests at least three
courses: salad, entre, and dessert.
Allow your guests to order before you and then
match your choices to theirs. If at a business meal the
guest orders just a salad, you should forgo the soup,
entre, and dessert and have only one course as well.
During the meal you become in essence the head
waiter. Offer your guests another beverage when you
see the glasses half empty, offer more bread, and ask
if the food is to their liking. In general, you want to
anticipate the needs of your guests and look after their
comfort.
To avoid the inevitable refrains of, Please allow
me to buy us lunch today when the bill is brought to
the table, the savvy host prepays for the meal. When
you arrive at the restaurant, hand your credit card to
the host or server. Instruct him or her to add a twenty
percent tip to the bill and present only the final total at
the table. You then only need to sign the receipt prior
to leaving. Even better is to authorize your credit card
to be charged as in the first example but request the
bill not be brought to the table at all. Explain to your
guests that youve already taken care of payment.
Then, after walking your guests to the door, you
can return to the hostess stand and sign the completed
receipt.

Duties of a

Welcomed Guest
Compliment the host on his or her choice of restaurants, or, at a private home, the food served. If the
meal was catered, you can compliment the host on his
choice of food or the lovely centerpieces, etc.
If the host doesnt share what he or she is ordering,
ask nicely and then match your food choices to something in the same price range as theirs.
Send a handwritten thank-you the next day, even
if the business meal was an attempt by the host to
earn your account.
For all social invitations and any business relationships you wish to maintain and grow, make sure to
reciprocate the invitation within six months.

Remember your table posture: both feet flat on the

floor, hands in your lap when not being used for cutting
or eating. Sit up straight with your back against the
back of the chair. Push your chair all the way in leaving
approximately the width of your hand between you
and the table. (Sitting this close aids in keeping food
that falls off your fork from falling onto your lap.)
Always bring the food up to your lips rather then
bend down to the food.

Tips for Savvy Dining

Try a little of all the food offered to you, unless
you know youre allergic.
Take small bites so you can join in the conversation
at any moment.
Wait until youve swallowed whats in your mouth
before taking another bite or a drink.
When drinking, look into, not over, the glass.
Remove bones, seeds, pits, gristle, and other alien
objects with your thumb and first finger and place them
on the side of your dinner plate. If available, its nice to
hide them under the parsley or other plate garnish.
Always taste your food prior to adding salt and
pepper.
Ketchup and steak sauce are used only at your
local burger joint. At fine dining restaurants, both are
considered an insult to the quality and flavor of the
food prepared by the chef.
For every meal, thank your host or hostess and
compliment him or her on the food served or the
restaurant chosen.
Keep purses, papers, and all other items that dont
pertain to eating off the table while the meal is in
progress.
If a purse is small you may place it on your lap with
your napkin over it. Larger purses should be set on the
floor directly in front of your feet. Never hang a purse
from the back of a chair.

Common Dining
Errors to Avoid
Dont talk about diets, restaurants, or any food
other than whats being served while at the table.
Never take medicine, use a toothpick, apply
makeup or lipstick, look into a mirror, or touch your
head or hair at the table.
Dont push your plate away to signal youre finished
eating. Simply lay your knife and fork with the handles
facing four oclock in the finished position.
Dont gesture with a utensil in your hand.
Dont mix food on your plate together.
Gentlemen do not lift their ties over their shoulders while eating.
Dont dunk your food into beverages in public or
add more than one bite of crackers to your soup at a
time!
While there might appear to be a lot of dining rules
to remember, they really are straightforward and easy
to master. When put into practice, these etiquette
skills become a vehicle to deliver the valuable character
traits of kindness, deference, patience, and self-control
in our everyday encounters with one another.

Impressive Dining Skills for Every Meal i