THE POWER OF POSITIVE SELF-ESTEEM

Source: THE POWER OF SELF-ESTEEM - An Inspiring Look At Our Most Important Psychological Resource
Nathaniel Branden PhD. 1992. Florida: Heath Communications, Inc.

Of all the judgement we make in life, none are more important than the ones we make about
ourselves.
These self-evaluations directly affect the way we act and react the values we choose... the
goals we set and how we meet the challenges that confront us.
The key to meeting these basic challenges and feeling worthy of happiness is having high selfesteem. Self-esteems components:
Self-efficacy
is our ability to think to learn, to choose and to make appropriate decisions.
Self-respect
is confidence in our right to be happy, and confidence that achievement success,
friendship, love and fulfillment are appropriate to us.
BELIEVING IN OURSELVES
Positive self-esteem is a basic human need. It is essential to normal, healthy development. If you
lack positive self-esteem, your psychological growth will be stunned.
Positive self-esteem operates as the immune system of consciousness, providing resistance,
strength and a capacity for regeneration. When our self-esteem is low, our resilience when facing
lifes problems is diminished.
Example: To contemporary women--who are shedding their traditional gender roles, fighting for
emotional and intellectual autonomy, starting their own businesses, invading one formerly male
basin after another and challenging age-old prejudices--self-esteem is indispensable. It is not all
that is needed for success, but without it the battle cannot be won.
Common Traps: When self-esteem is low, negatives have much more power over us than
positives. We are motivated more by the desire to avoid pain than to experience joy. But if we do
not believe in ourselves--in our efficacy or in our goodness and livability-the universe is a
frightening place.
HIGH SELF-ESTEEM
Women and men who have realistic confidence in their self-worth and feel secure within
themselves will most likely respond appropriately to todays challenges and opportunities.
Positive self-esteem empowers, energizes and motivates. It inspires us to achieve and allows us
to take pleasure and pride in our achievements. It also helps us pick ourselves up more quickly
after a fall, leaving us with more energy to begin anew.
The more solid our self-esteem, the better equipped we are to cope with the troubles that arise in
our careers and personal lives. Characteristics of people who have high self-esteem:
Ambitious
- People with high self-esteem tend to be more ambitious in what they hope to experience
in lifeemotionally, romantically, intellectually, creatively and spiritually. They have a
strong drive to express the self, reflecting the sense of richness within.
Goal-oriented
- They seek the challenge and stimulation of worthwhile and demanding goals. Attaining
such goals nurtures good self-esteem.
Communicative
- People with high self-esteem are more capable of having open, honest and appreciate
communications with others. They believe their thoughts have value. As a result they
welcome clarity instead of fearing it. They want to be understood.
Loving
- They form nourishing relationships instead of toxic ones. Vitality and expansiveness in
others are naturally more appealing to persons with good self-esteem than are emptiness
and dependency.
Attractive

- Self-confident women and men are usually drawn to each other.

LOW SELF-ESTEEM
Characteristics of people who have low self-esteem:
Fearful of change These people aspire to less and, therefore, achieve less. People with low self-esteem seek
the safety of the familiar and undemanding. Confining oneself to what is already known
serves to weaken self-esteem.
Non-communicative
- People with low self-esteem become muddy, evasive and inappropriate in their
communications because of uncertainty about their own thoughts and feelings. And they
feel anxious about the listener's response.
Insecure
- Like those with high self-esteem, these men and women tend to be drawn to one
another. They often form destructive relationships that reflect and increase their essential
lack of self-worth.
THE SIX PILLARS OF SELF-ESTEEM
The key virtues, or practices, on which healthy self-esteem depends are living consciously, selfacceptance, self-responsibility, self-assertiveness, living purposefully and personal integrity.
To live consciously is to be aware of what you are doing. You must seek to understand
whatever has an impact on your interests, values and goals. Be aware of both the world
around you as well as the world within.
To be self-accepting is to be respectful and compassionate toward your self-even at those
times when you do not admire or enjoy some of your feelings or decisions. It also means
consciously refusing to reject yourself.
To be self-responsible is to recognize that you are the author of your own choices and
actions. You are the source of your own fulfillment. No one is going to make your life right
for you or make you truly happy or give you self-esteem.
To be self-assertive is to honor our wants and needs and to look for ways to express them.
Be willing to be who you are and allow others to see it. Stand up for our convictions,
values and feelings.
To live purposefully is to take responsibility for identifying your goals. Perform the actions
that will allow you to achieve them, and keep yourself on track and moving toward their
fulfillment.
To live with integrity is to have principles of behavior to which you remain loyal in your
actions. Keep your promises and honor your commitments.
THE KEY TO A HAPPY RELATIONSHIP
If you hope to achieve a happy relationship with someone, nothing is more important than selfesteem-both for you and the other person. There is no greater barrier to romantic success than
the deep-seated feeling that one is not lovable.
The first love affair we must consummate successfully is the one we have with ourselves. Only
then are we ready for relationships, and only then will we be fully able to love and to let love into accept that other people love us.
Without that confidence, another persons love will never be quite real or convincing, and in our
society, we may find ways to undermine it.
I want to stress that self-esteem is an intimate experience. It resides in the core of ones being. It
is what you think and feel about yourself, not what someone else thinks or feels about you.
You can project an image of assurance and poise that fools almost everyone yet secretly tremble
with a sense of inadequacy. You can fulfill the expectations of others yet fail your own or win
every, honor yet feel you have accomplished nothing.
The acclaim of others does not create self-esteem. Nor do education, material possessions,
marriage, parenthood, philanthropic endeavors, sexual conquests or face-lifts. These things can
make us feel better about ourselves temporarily or more comfortable in particular situations. But
comfort is not self-esteem.