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UNDAY, NOVEMBER 13, 2011

MUET Writing 800/4 Question 2 sample answers for 350 word academic essay
Below are 4 samples of good essays... Band 4 or 5... Band 6 essays will demonstrate a much better
command of linguistic fluency and accuracy as well as show more mature and critical thinking
skills.
FYI: I'm sticking to my writing template so that the organisation of your essay is clearer and it makes writing 350
words easier. Read up on my template here:
http://muetmyway.blogspot.com/2009/08/foolproof-academic-writing-template.html
Plus: Fix your grammar in 15 mins: Read my grammar notes n take the grammar test!
http://muetmyway.blogspot.com/2011/10/muet-2011-grammar-tips.html

SAMPLE 1) YEAR END 2008: MUET WRITING 800/4 QUESTION 2

People are becoming more materialistic. They are concerned with making more money and what
money can buy. What is your opinion on being materialistic? You should write at least 350
words. [60 marks]
They say that money makes the world go round. And indeed it does as without money, life would be very difficult
as in todays society, nothing is free. The side effect however is that people are becoming more materialistic; more
concerned with making money and what money can buy. But how much money is enough? Is it ever enough? To
some, it will never be enough. In my opinion, I truly believe that this statement is true and that people are
becoming more materialistic in nature. In this essay, I will discuss how materialism has affected modern societys
way of life on an individual level, the countrys economy as well as our spiritual and moral beliefs.

First and foremost, each individual is affected by materialism to some extent in this day and age because
hedonism is becoming an uprising trend. This is because today's generation are geared towards making more and
more money so that they can enjoy the carefree lifestyle that is so popular these days. Moreover, people now are
striving to earn more income in order to afford things that are more expensive and branded. For example, people
spend their hard earned money on material objects like genuine LV and Coach handbags, expensive gadgets like
Iphones and Tablet pcs and so on which in my opinion is a waste of money when regular goods may prove to be
good enough. Therefore, while individuals become more focussed on their pursuit of material wealth and
improving their standard of living, they may forget that what matters most in life is quality time spent with family
and friends and not the quantity of their material goods.

Secondly, when society starts spending in a materialistic manner it will surely have a domino effect on the
countrys economy. This means that the spending power of society will help boost the economy and create more

business opportunities for the booming trade. However, when a society overspends, using plastic money or credit
cards, or when they take loans they cannot afford to repay, then the countrys debt margin will be higher. For
instance, USA today is facing an economic crisis because banks have approved home loans to people who aspire
to own bigger houses than they can actually afford and this is causing the collapse of the countrys economy there.
Thus, while a societys spending habits helps our economy to grow, overspending due to materialism will have an
adverse effect to the countrys financial stability.

Last but not least, materialism affects our spiritual and moral beliefs. This is due to the fact people who are
materialistic may become amoral whereby they disregard their spiritual and moral upbringing and instead turn
to crime to satisfy their materialistic needs. In fact, the crime rate is increasing because criminals these days have
developed many ways to gain more money from society. Take for example, there are more reports of snatch
thefts, burglaries, kidnapping for ransom, credit card fraud, internet banking hacking and others that are driven
by materialistic criminals. Hence, when people lose sight of their spiritual and moral beliefs and believe instead in
the greed of materialism, therefore the crime rate is bound to increase.

In a nutshell, materialism is a common agenda in the 21st century as more people are working hard to afford
things beyond their reach. While this may spur individuals to work harder to improve their standard of living,
overspending due to materialism may cause the downfall of a countrys economy and their morality. In my
opinion, I still firmly believe that materialism has a strong hold on todays society; both positive and negative
effects. Our government can encourage society to be less frivolous and wasteful in spending by running
campaigns such as Consumer Awareness and Buy Malaysian Made Products in order to educate our younger
generation for the prosperity of our nation.

SAMPLE 2) MID YEAR 2010: MUET WRITING 800/4 QUESTION 2

The world today is turning more to electronic communications such as the e-mail, Facebook and
Short Message System (SMS). What is your opinion of this growing trend? Discuss. You should
write at least 350 words. [60 marks]

Everywhere we turn today, the world is crowded with people busy typing SMSes on their Nokias or iPhones or
someone is staring unblinkingly at a Facebook or Yahoo page on the computer screen. Whether you like it or not,
the age of Information Technology is upon us, and we can either learn new skills and adapt to this new
technology, or be forever lost and stuck in the older generation. In my opinion, I am fully convinced that this
growing trend is the way of the future, and it brings countless benefits to mankind. In this essay, I will discuss
three positive effects of electronic communication, namely its efficiency, enhances communication and creates a

borderless world community.

First and foremost, more and more people are relying on e-mail, Facebook, Short Message System (SMS) and
other types of electronic communication tools because of its high efficiency. This is because in today's age of
globalisation, we need information at the tip of our fingers. Moreover, with the use of these tools, we can increase
the speed of getting the necessary and relevant information within seconds and this will increase our productivity.
For example, gone are the days of using 'snail mail' or regular letters using stamps and envelopes and many more
examples of 'old' technology because it is simply too slow and inefficient. Therefore, these e-communication tools
increases the access to important information which is why the new generation is fully accepting this growing
trend.

Secondly, this form of technology enhances communication among people today. This means that when we use
SMS, e-mails and websites like Facebook, we are able to communicate clearly and directly to our target audience.
Furthermore, people today find that the message is more important than the form it comes in as an e-mail in
short but clear sentences is just as good or even better than a long and formal letter. For instance, an SMS can
give clear instructions in just a few words and this communicates what needs to be done quickly and directly.
Thus, when the intended message can be spread clearly using short and clear information like in SMSes and
emails, communication can be enhanced and there will be less problems of miscommunication.

Last but not least, e-communication creates a borderless community in the world we live in today. This is due to
the fact that the boundaries that separate each country becomes less relevant when information is transferred
without limitations. In addition, the world would be a better place because there is a sense of 1-World
commitment, respect and tolerance for the global community through efficient and clear e-communication. Take
for example, we are able to connect with people on an international basis using Facebook, Friendster, Tagged,
Hotmail, Yahoo and others. Hence, these tools will enhance global unity and create a more peaceful world.

In a nutshell, this growing trend has many positive effects not just to individuals but the global society in terms of
efficiency, enhancing communicative skills and shaping a borderless community. In my opinion, I still firmly
believe that this latest trend is the best way forward and if we do not catch up, we will be left behind by the tide of
development. Our government can encourage the proper usage of electronic communications by increasing
communication amenities and free broadband accessibility especially in rural areas so that they can enjoy the
same facilities as city-folks therefore balancing the development of our country towards achieving Vision 2020.

SAMPLE 3) MID YEAR 2011: MUET WRITING 800/4 QUESTION 2

The most valuable thing in life is friendship. Do you agree? Discuss. You should write at least 350
words.
[60 marks]

It is true that no man is an island meaning that no one in this world can live alone without friendship. That
person would be very socially challenged as he or she would miss the camaraderie and life experiences that come
with friendship. However, I completely disagree with the statement that the most valuable thing in life is
friendship as there are certainly more important and priceless things in life besides this. In this essay, I will
outline how life itself is more valuable than friendship, and elaborate on why family and the individuals
principles in life are ranked higher.

First and foremost, before one can enjoy the beauty of friendship, one must surely value life itself or in other
words, we should value our health. This is because, the quality of our life is the single most important criteria in
life if we are to live a meaningful and wholesome life. Moreover, without good health, we will be hard pressed to
do even the simplest of tasks like feed ourselves or relieve ourselves without the help of doctors, nurses and
caregivers. For example, if we are paralysed, lost our sight, hearing or ability to speak or even a simple case of a
fever or allergic reactions, then the quality of our life is greatly reduced and no amount of friendship can make us
healthy again. Therefore, while friends can stand by us in our time of need, pristine health is still the most
valuable asset in our lives.

Secondly, we are no one without our family as indeed blood is thicker than water. This means that however you
analyse it, friendships will almost always play second fiddle because family always comes first. Furthermore, if we
do not value our family above others, then there must be a problem among the family members that has caused
their relationship to be strained. For instance, people tend to turn away from family if the family member(s)
themselves are the ones to cause them to react negatively such as divorced parents, abusive parents or siblings
and so on. Thus, when people consider friendship to be the most valuable thing in life, more often than not they
may come from a troubled household.

Last but not least, a persons principles in life is by far more valuable than friendship alone. This is due to the fact
that each person needs to have a code of ethics, quite often prescribed by their individual religions. In addition,
this code will guide each person to live their lives according to the good and right principles. Take for example, if

an individual has set his principles to do good, then no amount of friendship especially negative influence from
friends, can shake his hold on his principles and cause him to commit undesirable deeds like smoking, stealing,
raping, murdering and others. Hence, if a person values friendship so much to the point where he is willing to
break his principles, then he has done a serious misdeed against himself and will most likely regret his actions
later in life.

In short, friendship is the rainbow of life as it colours our horizons with invaluable experiences but without good
health, a supportive family and strong principles, life becomes empty and meaningless. In my opinion, it is
beyond a shadow of a doubt that I still firmly believe that friendship is not the most valuable thing in life. Our
government can encourage people to prioritise health, family and principles in life by organising awareness
campaigns especially in primary schools where the younger generation should learn about priorities in life
because they are the leaders of tomorrow.

SAMPLE 4) MUET WRITING 800/4 QUESTION 2

The rising fuel price has pushed up the price of other consumer products. How will this affect the
society? Give your opinion. You should write at least 350 words.
[60 marks]

Money is always an issue in today's era of materialism. Most people need it for basic survival while the lucky few
indulge in luxuries without worrying about money. In my opinion, I strongly agree that the rising fuel price has
pushed up the price of other consumer products and this will definitely affect the society. In this essay, I would
like to touch on the effects this price increase has on society today, namely increasing vice activities, widening the
gap between the rich and the poor and affecting the population trend in the long term.

First and foremost, society will immediately be affected by the rise in fuel prices because consumer products will
be more costly and this leads to an increase of vice activities. This is because basic necessities such as rice, flour,
sugar and so on will be in great demand and some warehouses will store or hoard the items to further increase the
price of the product. Moreover, in the newspapers today, reports of smuggling of these items prove that this vice
activity is on the rise. For example, the recent sugar price hike caused a furor among the Malaysian society as it
costs more fuel to travel to and from the supermarket and when arriving, most places had run out of stock even
though the government had allocated 2kg of sugar to one person. Therefore, the fuel price increase had definitely
caused more hardships to society today.

Secondly, it is undeniable that the rise in fuel prices leads to the widening of the gap between the rich and the

poor. This is due to the fact that people are greatly affected by the price of basic necessities such as food and fuel
in particular. Furthermore, the rich people will still be able to afford such things but the poor will face greater
challenges as the popular saying goes: "The rich get richer, and the poor get poorer." For instance, when money is
used to purchase consumer products that are necessary for survival, then less money will be spent on health and
dental check-up, educational purposes and others. Thus, it is clear that the fuel price hike will further stress on
the differences between the rich and the poor which is such a tragedy.

Last but not least, in the long term the population trend or demographics of the society will be greatly affected.
This means that new families will consciously decide not to have too many children in order to increase their
quality of life. In addition, society is now more aware of birth control and family planning so this will greatly
reduce the population as most families will have 1 to 5 children instead of more. Take for example, new families
with less children will surely spend less on basic necessities like food, clothes, transport and many more. Hence,
the demographics of the whole country will be affected and this in turn will reduce our workforce which will affect
our country's productivity and prosperity.

In short, there are many short term to long term effects of a fuel price increase which includes more crimes like
hoarding and smuggling will occur and this leads to the widening of the gap between the rich and the poor as well
as a change in the society's demographics. I still strongly believe that the rising fuel price has pushed up the price
of other consumer products and this will surely cause a negative impact to society. The government must find a
way to stabilise the fuel price at a reasonable rate so that it does not affect the productivity of this country towards
achieving the aspirations of the nation for Vision 2020.

SAMPLE OF ESSAY FROM ONLINE STUDENT JEFF (TQ FOR ALLOWING ME TO BLOG THIS) ON
WHAT NOT TO WRITE IN YOUR ESSAYS.

On 9 November 2011 00:53, jeff lai wrote:

A university education is better than a college educaton.Give your opinion.

After the SPM examination,many students have to decide their future on which education to pursue.Some of my
friends chose to enrol in college.I decided to study in matriculation college as a Pre-U qualification to enter
university.My reason is university education is better than college education.
This is because university has a better education system,more dedicated lecturers and better facilities.

First,university education provides a better education system than college does.A SPM certificate is enough for
you to enrol in a college but to enter a university you need a Pre-U qualification such as STPM or A-level.This
simply shows that it is harder to study in university as you need some qualifications in which the college does not
demand.Besides,the grading system in university is stricter than that of college.So,students have to work harder
to get a good result.On the other hand,most college change their grading system,according to the overall result of
their students.Moreover,the the syllabus in university is well designed.Besides giving knowledge,it helps to
develop the social skills of students.For example,Students have to do survey on public about topics related to their
study.This ensures that the graduates can have critical thinking skill and communication skill.

Universities usually hire more experienced lecturers with better knowledge.According to a research, these
lectures possess a Master or PhD degree and some even graduated overseas.Thus,they have higher level of of
knowledge which benefits the students.Besides,Most of them have years of teaching experience and so they know
how to guide their students,developing their skills and exploring their potential.For instance,a Physics lecturer
does not only talk on theories.Instead,he teaches the students to analyse a problem logically.They are also more
caring and responsible to their students.These qualities are hard to seen in college lecturers,who are mostly
bachelor degree holder and work just for money. (very serious generalisation here!)

Last but not least,university usually has better facilities,for example,the state-of-art computers.Unlike those
college such as Inti College which are run by private companies,university has a better management.Thus every
single thing in the university,including the infrastructure is planned and developed well.This is beneficial to
students.For instance,university with advanced laboratories is beneficial to students as they can learn science
better by being explored to the real situation while conducting experiments.Besides,university with better sports
facilities can help the students to relax their mind.In other words,better facilities means a more conducive
environment for university students.

In a nutshell,university education is better than college education for its better education system,lecturers and
facilities.Despite the growing number of college in our country,I advice fellow friends to choose university
education so that when you graduate,you are competitive enough to survive in this ever developing world.

(MY REPLY)

Hi...

Language wise you would score a high band 4... however your content is not very mature and there is lack of
critical thinking skills so you might get only low band 3. Add the two together you may get a low or mid band 4.

Good try but i can assure u that this question will never come out in the exam as the scope is too small. if you
compare spm with uni, then it would be a more viable question. comparing uni n college requires in-depth
knowledge abt the two so majlis peperiksaan malaysia would never use this question as it would be too biased for
some parties (urban) while the rural ones will not be able to answer it well at all.

Also, you mentioned too many assumptions and sweeping statements in your essay. I have highlighted the
generalisations in GREEN ABOVE where you have stated what you consider to be a fact but is actually just your
opinion. Please avoid such statements.

I do like how you've followed an academic style format.. and that you've given concrete examples. Good try.

Anyway... thanks for trying. :P

MORAL OF THE STORY: AVOID SWEEPING STATEMENTS AND GENERALISATIONS THAT YOU HAVE NO
PROOF ABOUT. STAY AWAY FROM WORDS LIKE:
ALL, NEVER, ALWAYS, EVERY, EVERYONE, EVERYTHING ETC.

Hi all.. I'm back to help you with this year's 2014 MUET exam. I'm sure everyone's knees are turning to jelly now
because the countdown is ticking faster than you expected and your heart is racing like a speeding bullet. No fear,
I am here.. haha.
Ok.. let's talk about why it is so hard to score in the writing component. Let's focus on the academic essay as I
have blogged a lot about report writing in the past (check my archives for samples and discussions.)
Unbeknownst to most, there is usually TWO sections the essay question. I shall name it Part A & Part B.
This is the trial exam question I used in my school:
"Young people are becoming more materialistic because they want a better quality of life. How far do you agree
with this statement? Give your opinion. You should write at least 350 words."
Can you spot the Part A & the Part B?
Part A = more materialistic
Part B = better quality of life
Hence, if the student just focuses on the factors or effects of materialism, they have not answered the question
because they have failed to link to the concept of 'better quality of life'.
Same goes for this actual MUET exam question some years ago which reads:
"In an arranged marriage, the choice of the husband or wife is made by parents or elders. What do you think of
this practice in today's society? Discuss. You should write at least 350 words."
Has your ability to spot Part A & Part B improved?
Part A = choice made by parents or elders
Part B = appropriate practice in today's society?
Thus, to answer the question well, you would need to not simply focus on 3 reasons to agree or disagree with the
practice but LINK CLEARLY to how important is this practice in TODAY'S society. The line of logic should be

clear.
Here are 3 sample points for 100% disagree.
Pt. 1: Education - in the past women stayed at home and did not have access to a good education, therefore they
did not work. These days women have more opportunities to contribute to society and meet different people. In
the old days the elders were a more reliable source to determine who should be married because women had a
lesser role in society due to poor education.
Pt. 2: Technology - in the past women had almost no social interaction because they mostly stayed at home. With
modern technology like handphones, emails and various social networking, youths today have a larger network
and are able to communicate with their peers and choose their own spouse which is more compatible than a
spouse chosen by elders.
Pt. 3 Love vs. Stability - Society today places more emphasis on the concept of love and loving a person before
getting married. In the past, elders assured that love would come later and what was more important was to find a
spouse that could offer stability in marriage. There have been many cases where arranged marriages ends up in
unhappy unions and even divorce so it is better to make a love match these days to avoid these negative
outcomes.
Can you see the LINK between Part A & Part B?
If the student just talked about 3 points but did not compare past and present practices, then it would be hard to
give Band 5 or 6 for task fulfillment, therefore pulling down the overall marks.
Right, my last tip is to show you my ex Form 5 student's (Nazri, tq for your permission to blog your essay) valiant
effort to keep writing essays and coming to visit me in school to get my opinion. Here is a sample of his writing
and later I will show you how to add info & modify sentences to create a LINK to parts A & B of the question so
you may score higher in the writing component.
"People commit crimes for selfish reasons. Discuss. You should write at least 350 words."
FYI, Nazri was trying to use my suggested template of I+A1+D1+A2+D2+C
(Intro + Agree 1 vs Disagree 1 + Agree 2 vs Disagree 2 + Conclusion = 6 paragraph format)
Nazri's Intro:
In this globalization era, murder and kidnap are one of the heavy crimes people most commit. In addition,
according to the articles I have read, these rate of crimes are increasing drastically all over the world. Women and
children are the most common victim of the heartless criminals because they are weak or they look fragile. Do
people commit crimes for selfish reasons? I agree to a certain extent that people commit crimes for fun and
greedy, however, crimes may be committed because of financial problems and lack of parents' love.
Edited version:
In this globaliSation era, murderS and kidnapPING are SOME of the heavy crimes people MAY commit. In
addition, according the articles I have read, the rate of crimes are increasing drastically all over the world.
Women and children are the most common victimS of the heartless criminals because they are weak or look
fragile. Do people commit crimes for selfish reasons? WE HAVE CERTAINLY READ CASES OF HUSBANDS
KILLING THEIR WIVES TO CLAIM THE INSURANCE MONEY AND VICE VERSA BUT THERE ARE ALSO
INCIDENCES OF CRIMES THAT HAVE NOTHING TO DO WITH SELFISHNESS SUCH AS MURDER
COMMITTED IN A RAGE OF JEALOUSY. IN MY HUMBLE OPINION, I ONLY agree to a certain extent that
people commit crimes FOR SELFISH REASONS BECAUSE IN SOME CASES SELFISHNESS IS NOT THE MAIN
CONTRIBUTING FACTOR WHY CRIMES HAPPEN.
Editor's notes:
You will lose your ground as a Band 5/6 student if your grammar is inconsistent. Nazri's first sentence itself is
controversial because he uses the word 'most'. Along with 'all', 'never', 'always' and 'everyone', these words must
be avoided at all costs as it draws generalisations and sweeping statements that make the reader feel that the
writer lacks critical thinking and maturity. Instead, use 'some', 'often', 'may', 'might', 'usually' etc.. He could also
have improved the introduction by outlining some crimes that are driven by selfish reasons and some that are not
as seen in the edited version. Finally, the thesis statement must clearly outline that you are going to discuss both
sides of the coin.
Nazri's 1st Point:
First and foremost, people commit crimes just for fun that may drag them to a world without humanity. Why
do I say so? One of the reasons is they love to see when people are suffering. They steal something that is valuable

in someone's life to entertain themselves or to get a revenge. For instance, these heartless criminals especially
men like to take women's pride by raping them and ignoring their tears and some of the unfortunate victims may
get killed when they try to escape. Thus, people who commit crimes are selfish because someone's suffering is the
happiness for them.
Edited version:
First and foremost, SOME people MAY commit crimes just for fun SIMPLY BECAUSE THEY ENJOY OTHER
PEOPLE'S SUFFERING that may drag them to a world without humanity. Why do I say so? One of the reasons is
they love MAY HAVE SELFISH REASONS TO MAKE people suffer. They MAY steal something that is valuable in
someone's life to JUST TO entertain themselves or to get revenge. For instance, THERE ARE CASES OF heartless
criminals especially men like WHO HAVE BEEN ARRESTED FOR TAKING women's pride by raping them and
ignoring their tears and some of the unfortunate victims may HAVE EVEN BEEN killed when they try to escape.
Thus, people who commit crimes are selfish because someone's suffering is the happiness for them.
Editor's notes:
Here you need to be really careful when making sweeping statements so I have modified the sentences using
words that can temper the effect. Using informal sentences are also not advisable such as 'just for fun' especially
when you cannot prove specifically that men rape others 'just for fun' because they 'enjoy' it. At all costs too, avoid
sentences that declare 'people love to ...' or 'people like to ...' as these statements are not well quantified and
examiners will usually have a huge frown because you did not provide concrete proof highlighting your own
opinions just doesn't cut it. Try to back up your points with some evidence of reading such as 'there have been
cases that../a local newspaper recently reported that../from a study done on...', all of which will make your essay
more credible rather than picking out lines from thin air.
Nazri's 2nd point:
On the other hand, crimes may be committed because of financial problems. The high cost of living makes
them desperate to look for money or to feed their family. They do not have enough money to buy some food or
their needs as the prices are increasing. So, they tend to do crimes such as snatch or robber to earn some money
by selling the stolen items back at a higher price. For example, a rich person's house will be the target of the
criminals to break into and steal expensive items such as jewelleries and handphones. Therefore, poverty or
desperation in life can lead people to commit crimes.
Editor's version:
On the other hand, NOT ALL CRIMES ARE COMMITTED SIMPLY BECAUSE PEOPLE ENJOY THE
SUFFERING OF OTHERS BUT because of other issues such as financial problems. The high cost of living makes
them desperate to look for money to feed their family SO INSTEAD OF BEING SELFISH, THEY ARE ACTUALLY
COMMITTING CRIME FOR SELFLESS REASONS WHICH IS TO SUPPORT THEIR FAMILY. They MAY not
have enough money to buy some food or their DAILY needs as the prices are increasing. So, they tend to do
crimes such as snatch THEFT or ROBBERIES to earn MAKE some money by selling the stolen items at a higher
price. For example, SOME PEOPLE ARE DRIVEN TO DO CRIMES LIKE STEALING FOOD AND EVEN MILK
POWDER FROM SUPERMARKETS BECAUSE THEY CANNOT BEAR TO SEE THEIR FAMILY STARVE.
Therefore, poverty and desperation in life AND SELFLESSNESS TO SACRIFICE THEMSELVES TO SAVE THE
PEOPLE THEY LOVE, can lead people to commit crimes WHICH IS THE OPPOSITE OF COMMITTING
CRIMES FOR SELFISH REASONS.
Editor's notes:
His 2nd point seems inconsequential because there is no clear LINK why he is introducing his opposition
point. Basically, to make this clear, you need to write a topic sentence that clearly links to the first point
introduced earlier. This shows the contrast with the opposition point so you may argue contrary to the first idea
introduced. When contrasting ideas, the right vocabulary works best whereby SELFISHNESS is contrasted to
SELFLESSNESS, which makes it clear to the reader that you are still on track discussing the LINK BETWEEN
PART A & PART B. Furthermore, I had to modify the example to show a high degree of selflessness and sacrifice
because the example of a rich man's house being burgled does not highlight the concept of selflessness. Lastly, the
summation sentence needs to really LINK back to the concept of selfish or unselfish reasons in order to make the
argument crystal.
Nazri's 3rd Point:
Apart from that, I do agree that people get involved in crimes because of selfish reasons such as greed
especially. They want to get rich in the easiest way instead of work hard to accomplish their mission. People

receive money as bribe, are hired to do a dirty job. Moreover, this white-color crime is committed in the whole
world. Money is powerful enough to make people lose their sense of humanity as they can kill a person if they are
asked to do so as long as the reward is money.
Editor's version.
Apart from that, I STILL DO agree that people get involved in crimes because of selfish reasons RELATED TO
greed. THEY ARE SELFISH BECAUSE THEY GREEDILY want to get rich in the easiest way instead of
WORKING hard to accomplish their mission. SOME people receive money as bribeS OR are hired to do dirty jobS
BECAUSE THEY SELFISHLY WANT TO MAKE A PROFIT FROM COMMITTING CRIMES. Moreover,
THESE white-color WHITE COLLAR crimeS ARE committed ALL OVER THE WORLD AS WE SPEAK
BECAUSE SELFISHNESS TO MAKE money is powerful enough to make SOME people lose their sense of
humanity as they can EVEN kill a person as long as the reward is money. THEREFORE, SOME PEOPLE DO
INDEED HAVE VERY SELFISH REASONS TO COMMIT CRIMES ESPECIALLY IF THEY CAN MAKE A HUGE
PROFIT FROM IT.
Editor's notes:
When introducing the 2nd point to agree with the statement, you should outline it clearly in the topic sentence
which is the very first sentence in each paragraph. Greed is a factor on its own so the LINK to selfishness must be
made very clear, otherwise you may veer out of topic. The terms used also should be accurate as seen in white
color vs white collar crimes. He also forgot to close the paragraph with a summation where in the edited version,
rounds off the argument clearly that crime is indeed linked to selfish reasons including greed for profit.
Nazri's 4th Point:
Nevertheless, people also commit crimes because of lack of parents' love and guidance. When the children is
not the priority of parents, moral values will be hardly instilled in their children themselves. They fail to
differentiate what is good and bad for them. As a consequence, they may get involved in social problems and
crimes because of lack of parental guidance.
Editor's version:
Nevertheless, people also commit crimes because of OTHER FACTORS SUCH AS lack of PARENTAL love and
guidance SO IT IS CLEAR THAT WE CANNOT SIMPLY BLAME SELFISHNESS AND GREED FOR CRIMES
COMMITTED. When children ARE not the priority of parents, moral values will hardly be instilled in their
children. THESE CHILDREN MAY EVENTUALLY fail to differentiate what is good and bad for them. As a
consequence, they may get involved in social problems and crimes SUCH AS DRUG ABUSE, THEFT,
ABORTION, BABY DUMPING AND SO ON. HENCE, IN THESE CASES, CRIMES ARE COMMITTED NOT FOR
SELFISH REASONS BUT because of lack of parental guidance, THE NEED TO GET PARENTS' ATTENTION OR
OTHER EXTERNAL FACTORS.
Editor's notes:
Again, the topic sentence needs to clearly state that there are other factors that lead to crimes being committed
other than for selfish reasons, especially greed (as stated in the previous paragraph - it is important to LINK the
previous idea to a contrasting new idea so that the flow of logic is not impeded). Notice the use of the word 'MAY'
to indicate probability and avoid generalisations. Adding 'social problems' is not a good idea because the focus is
on crimes, but do add examples of crimes that happen due to other factors such as lack of parental guidance etc.
Also, the final sentence should conclude the point eloquently.
Nazri's Conclusion:
In conclusion, people commit crimes are not only for selfish reasons but also because of other motivation such
as environmental factors. Most of them commit crimes because of narrow minded and do not have enough money
to bear the cost of living. Therefore, our government with the help of relevant authorities should increase the
safety at a place where crimes often occur and help poor family. Besides that, parents should spend more time for
their growing children.
Edited version:
In conclusion, IT IS CRYSTAL CLEAR THAT THERE ARE TWO FACES TO A COIN WHEREBY people
commit crimes not only for selfish reasons but also because of other FACTORS such as their ENVIRONMENT
AND UPBRINGING. Most SOME of them commit crimes because of NARROW-MINDEDNESS OR THEY do not
have enough money to bear the cost of living, AMONG OTHER ISSUES. I STILL ABSOLUTELY BELIEVE THAT
SELFISH REASONS ARE NOT THE MAIN CONTRIBUTING FACTOR AND THAT THERE ARE MANY OTHER

REASONS FOR CRIME TO BE CONSIDERED. OUR government HAS A ROLE TO PLAY IN ENSURING the
relevant authorities increase the PUBLIC'S safety at placeS where crimes often occur. THE SOCIAL WELFARE
DEPARTMENT MAY ALSO LOOK INTO STRATEGIES TO help poor FAMILIES SO CRIME CAN BE AVOIDED
FROM THE GRASSROOTS. Besides that, NATIONAL CAMPAIGNS SHOULD ALSO BE CARRIED OUT TO
EDUCATE parents ON SPENDING QUALITY TIME WITH THEIR CHILDREN AND ENSURING A SOUND
MORAL UPBRINGING. THEREFORE, WE WILL BE ABLE TO PRODUCE A FUTURE GENERATION THAT
STEERS CLEAR AWAY FROM CRIMES OF ALL KINDS AND INSTEAD CREATING YOUTHS THAT CAN
CONTRIBUTE PRODUCTIVELY TO OUR NATION'S PROSPERITY.
Editor's notes:
A good conclusion should have 3 parts, ie repeat the points in a more creative way, repeat your stand from the
introduction and outline some recommendations for this issue. It is also wise to end on a high note because the
conclusion gives the reader and examiner a lasting impression so you might as well end with a bang!

Phew... so much typing and editing... I do hope you appreciate my effort in providing you with some samples. I
think it is crucial to write essays and as a teacher, add spice to enhance the students' compositions so that you can
help upgrade their writing style starting at their level. One mistake teachers often make (and I have made myself)
is to use essays from reference books wholesale. This means that you copy and paste the texts and expect the
students to magically be able to write like the authors of textbooks. This is not only wrong, it is cruel and
demoralising. Therefore, I would strongly suggest that you pick one essay at a time (doing too may will
demoralise you instead), fix it up prettily by adding all the yummy spices, and re-serve the essay to the student
and share with the class. It is not enough to correct errors at MUET level, but to demonstrate step by step how the
student MAY improve his Highter Order Thinking Skills (HOTS is a hot topic these days) and Creative Thinking
Skills.
Anyway, a final say from me is, keep ploughing. If you don't get down to writing and the business of editing, no
one can benefit. Keep ploughing, slowly and steadily, and you WILL create a field of wonder in the end. Teachers,
make a difference in your students' lives. Students, strive to make a difference in your own life so you may change
the destiny of your family for the better. Today's keyword: LINK. Link Part A & Part B, and the story of life will all
make sense in the end... and you may reap the seeds you have sown.