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Funny English Notices Around the World!

Here are some signs and notices written in English that were discovered throughout
the world. You have to give the writers an 'E' for Effort. I hope you enjoy them...

In a Tokyo Hotel: Is forbidden to steal hotel towels please. If you are not a person to do such
thing is please not to read notis.

In a Bucharest hotel lobby: The lift is being fixed for the next day. During that time we regret that
you will be unbearable.

In a Leipzig elevator: Do not enter the lift backwards, and only when lit up.

In a Belgrade hotel elevator: To move the cabin, push button for wishing floor. If the cabin should
enter more persons, each one should press a number of wishing floor. Driving is then going
alphabetically by national order.

In a Paris hotel elevator: Please leave your values at the front desk.

In a hotel in Athens: Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of 9 and 11
A.M. daily.

In a Yugoslavian hotel: The flattening of underwear with pleasure is the job of the chambermaid.

In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from a Russian Orthodox monastery: You are welcome to
visit the cemetery where famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists, and writers are buried
daily except Thursday.

On the menu of a Swiss restaurant: Our wines leave you nothing to hope for.

On the menu of a Polish hotel: Salad a firm's own make; limpid red beet soup with cheesy
dumplings in the form of a finger; roasted duck let loose; beef rashers beaten up in the country
people's fashion.

In a Bangkok dry cleaner's: Drop your trousers here for best results.

Outside a Paris dress shop: Dresses for street walking.

In a Rhodes tailor shop: Order your summers suit. Because is big rush we will execute customers
in strict rotation.

A sign posted in Germany's Black forest: It is strictly forbidden on our black forest camping site
that people of different sex, for instance, men and women, live together in one tent unless they
are married with each other for that purpose.

In a Zurich hotel: Because of the impropriety of entertaining guests of the opposite sex in the
bedroom, it is suggested that the lobby be used for this purpose.

In an advertisement by a Hong Kong dentist: Teeth extracted by the latest Methodists.

In a Rome laundry: Ladies, leave your clothes here and spend the afternoon having a good time.
10 most stupid questions people usually ask!
10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally
stupid answers:-
1. At the movies:
When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:-Well, it's so hot , there were no cool cabs so I thought I'd watch some
advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.
2. In the bus:
A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:-Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:-No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again or should I try
this time.
3. At a funeral:
One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:-Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:-Why? Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant:
When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:-Is the "blah blah blah" dish good

Answer:-No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occasionally also spit in it.
5. At a family get-together. When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:-Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:-Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:-Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:-No, he's a miserable wife-beating , insensitive's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:-Sorry. were you sleeping.

Answer:-No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim
Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?
8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question:-Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:-No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth
Stupid Question:-Tell me if it hurts?
Answer:-And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.
10. You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman asks
Stupid Question:-Oh, so you smoke
Answer:-No, it's a miracle was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Computer Jokes
Ramu : I've just become a member of Rotract Club.
Somu : public member or private?

Ramu : Hey.. my submarine is not sinking into the water!! what could be
Somu : may be u have used float instead of double in the software.

PS : Hey Bull, Can you do me a favor? Can you pass on these 500
rupees to Suthi..?
Bull : Sure.. why not? But tell me one thing. Tell me whether its pass
by value or pass by
PS : ???!!!

Ramu : I am very very sure that the guy who just talked to me is a
software engineer...
Somu : how do u say that?
Ramu : he asked my physical address instead of my home address!

Ramu : shhhh...I think the SW Engg who is sitting in the next cabin
be a farmer before ...
Somu : How do u know...?
Ramu : he asked me today that is there a way to cultivate the bit

Computer : Please sit over the hard disk to compress the files!

Computer : please pour Engine oil in the floppy drive to enhance the
performance of Search Engine.

Ramu : why people are beating that SW engg black and blue?
Somu : it seems, he asked one of them that whether "vante mataram" is
new kind of RAM in the market!

Ramu : Hey.. I think that SW Engg is very very naive..

Somu : How do u say that?
Ramu : He believes that there is an Arabian Sea++ next to Arabin Sea.
Ramu : Hey.... whats time now?
Somu : System time or local time...??

Ramu : Hey.. I have a problem. My system is not booting up!

Somu : may be, its internal buses are on strike.. check out!

Ramu : (while browsing the TV) what is this? I have heard of Star
Sports, Star Movies and Star P
Plus. Whats this Star Equals??? Is it a new Star Channel?
Somu : No. = operator has been overloaded in Star Channel.

Geetha : I think that SW Engg is very naive..

Seetha : how do u say that?
Geetha : He believes "Rascal" is a new version of Pascal!

Ramesh : Hey.. u know.. Micorsoft Visual C++ 5.0 has got everything...
The Developer Studio can
really do magic...
Umesh : Can we use that to develop the photo-negatives?

Ramu : why are u wiping ur terminal very often with a cloth?

Somu : clear command is not working properly for my terminal. that’s

Babu : yesterday I bought a new TV whose terminal is compatible with

computer... but its audio
portion is not at all working :-
Gopu : may be its compatible only with dumb terminals???

Vani : We have shifted our home to Malleswaram now..

Soni : right shift or left shift??

Kannamma : do u have Design Specs for brinjal sambar?

Ponnamma : u mean recipe..?

Ramu : Somu, I am going to file a case against my landlord yaar. He's

harassing me too much.
Somu : What case? Upper Case or Lower Case or.......

Vanish : Hey.. why is that sardaarji inserting a cover into the floppy
Bull : He wants to send an e-mail it seems!

Leave Letters....
1. A student's leave letter:
"As I am suffering from my uncle's marriage I cannot attend the class...."
2. A candidate's application:
"This has reference to your advertisement calling for a 'typist And an accountant -
Male or Female'... As I am both for the past Several years and I can handle both; I
am applying for the post."
3. Infosys, Bangalore
An employee applied for leave as follows:
Since I have to go to my village to sell my land along with my wife. Please sanction
me one-week leave.
4. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clocks and I may not return,
please grant me half day casual leave"
5. A leave letter to the headmaster:
"As I am studying in this school I am suffering from headache. I request you to leave
me today"
6. An incident of a leave letter:
"I am suffering from fever, please declare one day holiday."
7. Another leave letter written to the headmaster:
As my headache is paining, please grant me leave for the day.
8. A covering note:
"I am enclosed herewith..."
9. From H.A.L . Administration dept:
As my mother-in-law has expired and I am responsible for it,Please grant me 10
days leave.
10. Actual letter written for application of leave:
"My wife is suffering from sickness and as I am her only husband At home I may be
granted leave".
11. Letter writing:
"I am in well here and hope you are also in the same well."
12. Another gem from CDAC.
Leave-letter from an employee who was Performing his daughter's wedding:
"As I am marrying my daughter, please grant a week's leave..."
13. This is from Oracle Bangalore:
From an employee who was performing the "mundan" ceremony of his 10 year old
"as I want to shave my son's head, please leave me for two days.."
14. Another employee applied for half day leave as follows:
"Since I've to go to the cremation ground at 10 o-clock and I may not return, please
grant me half day casual leave"

Bathroom commode

There was a nice lady, a minister's widow, who was a little old fashioned. She was
planning a week's vacation in California at Skylake Yosemite campground (Bass
Lake, to the uninitiated), but she wanted to make sure of the accommodations first.
Uppermost in her mind were bathroom facilities, but she couldn't bring herself to
write "toilet" in a letter. After considerable deliberation, she settled on "bathroom
commode," but when she wrote that down, it still sounded too forward, so, after the
first page of her letter, she referred to the bathroom commode as "BC." "Does the
cabin where I will be staying have its own 'BC'? If not, where is the 'BC' located?" is
what she actually wrote.

The campground owner took the first page of the letter and the lady's check and gave it to his
secretary. He put the remainder of the letter on the desk of the senior member of his staff without
noticing that the staffer would have no way of knowing what "BC" meant. Then the owner went off
to town to run some errands.

The staff member came in after lunch, found the letter, and was baffled by the euphemism, so he
showed the letter around to several counselors, but they couldn't decipher it either. The staff
member's wife, who knew that the lady was the widow of a famous Baptist preacher, was sure
that it must be a question about the local Baptist Church. "Of course," the first staffer exclaimed,
"'BC' stands for 'Baptist Church.' " And he sat down and wrote:

Dear Madam,

I regret very much the delay in answering your letter, but I now take the pleasure in informing you
that the BC is located nine miles north of the campground and is capable of seating 250 people at
one time. I admit it is quite a distance away if you are in the habit of going regularly, but no doubt
you will be pleased to know that a great number of people take their lunches along and make a
day of it. They usually arrive early and stay late.

The last time my wife and I went was six years ago, and it was so crowded we had to stand up
the whole time we were there. It may interest you to know that right now there is a supper
planned to raise money to buy more seats. They are going to hold it in the basement of the 'BC.'

I would like to say that it pains me very much not to be able to go more regularly, but it is surely
no lack of desire on my part. As we grow older, it seems to be more of an effort, particularly in
cold weather. If you decide to come down to our campground, perhaps I could go with you the
first time, sit with you, and introduce you to all the folks. Remember, this is a friendly community."

Love Life and Indian Advertisement Lines

Want to propose a girl

Just do it - Nike

Before going to propose to a girl

Believe in the best - BPL.
If you are hesitating before proposing to a girl
Vicks ki goli lo kich kich door karo - Vicks.

If you are going to propose to a girl

Chances are 50-50 - Britannia.

If a girl slapped you when you proposed to her

Take it easy - Limca.

Girl says NO !
Jor ka jhatka dhire se lage - Mirinda.

Those who succeed in love always say

We dream because we do - Daewoo.

If some one wants to write a love letter to his girlfriend

Likho script apna apna.- Rotomac.

If you love someone

Go get it - Visa power.

Boy riding a bike with neighbor's girl

Neighbors envy owner's pride - Onida.

Not satisfied with your date

Yeh dil mangey more - Pepsi.

A guy having a number of girl friends

The Complete Man - Raymonds.

A smart girl having a number of boyfriends

Yeh hai hamara suraksha chakra - Colgate.

For those lost in love

Har shaam ka sathi main aur mera - Bagpiper Whisky.

For a guy 'r gal who hasn't yet found one

Dhoondte rehe jayo ge - Surf Exel

Error messages in real life

"The world will end in 5 minutes. Please log out..."

"WARNING: Keyboard Not Attached. Press F10 to Continue."

"COFFEE.EXE missing. Insert cup and press any key."

"Bad Command or File Name. Good try, though."

"Press any key... no, no, no, NOT THAT ONE!"

"Enter any 11-digit prime number to continue..."

"Error reading FAT record. Try the SKINNY one? (Y/N)"

"General Failure's Fault. Not Yours."

"Hit any user to continue."

"Scandisk is now checking your hard disk. You can start praying."

"Smash forehead on keyboard to continue."

"Earth is 98% full. Please delete anyone you can."

"Ooops. My brain just hit a bad sector."

"Cannot find REALITY.SYS...Universe Halted."

Top 9 Jokes
I wrote your name on sand it got washed.
I wrote your name in air,it was blown away.then
I wrote your name on my heart & i got Heart Attack .


God saw me hungry, he created pizza .

He saw me thirsty, he created pepsi .
He saw me in dark, he created light .
He saw me without problems, he created YOU.


TEACHER== Name four members of the cat family?

STUDENTS== Daddy cat,Mummy cat and two kittens !


Police man== Stop, stop, your headlights are not working.

The Man== Move, move, even the brakes are not working.


Why does history keep repeating it self?

Because we weren't listening the first time !


A sardar ji pulled out 6 people from a burning house...

still he was in jail.......why?
Bcoz all the 6 were firebrigade staff !

"Doctor, doctor, will i be able to play the

violin after the operation?"
"yes of course...."
"Great ! i never could before"


The rain makes all things beautiful. The grass and flowers too.
If rain makes all things beautiful why dosen't it rain on you?


When ur life is in darkness pray to God ask him to

free u from darkness and if after you pray and your
still in darkness, please pay your ELECTRICITY BILL !

Wife Pleasing
A store that sells husbands has just opened in San Diego where a woman may go to choose a
husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors,and the men increase in
positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights. There is, however, a catch. As you open
the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot
go back down except to exit the building.

So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband.

On the first floor the sign on the door reads:

Floor 1 - These men have jobs. The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better
than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?" So up she goes.

The second floor sign reads:

Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love kids. The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I
wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.

The third floor sign reads:

Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking. "Hmmm, better" she
says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"

The fourth floor sign reads:

Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the
housework. "Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting.

BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.

The fifth floor sign reads:

Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework
and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me!

But just think... what must be awaiting me further on?" So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:

Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor
exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband
Mart and have a nice day!
The Touchy One!

A man came home from work late again, tired and irritated, to find his 5-year old son
waiting for him at the door.

Daddy, may I ask you a question?

"Yeah, sure, what is it?" replied the man.
Daddy, how much money do you make an hour?"

"That's none of your business. What makes you ask such a thing?" the man said angrily.
"I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" pleaded the little boy.
If you must know, I make ?20.00 an hour."
"Oh," the little boy replied, head bowed. Looking up, he said,

"Daddy, may I borrow ?10.00 please?"

The father was furious. "If the only reason you wanted to know how much money I make is just so
you can borrow some to buy a silly toy or some other nonsense, then you march yourself straight
to your room and go to bed. Think about why you're being so selfish. I work long, hard hours
everyday and don't have time for such childish games."

The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get
even madder about the little boy's questioning. How dare he ask such questions only to get some
money. After an hour or so, the man had calmed down, and started to think he may have been a
little hard on his son. Maybe there was something he really needed to buy with that ?10.00 and
he really didn't ask for money very often.

The man went to the door of the little boy's room and opened the door.
"Are you asleep son?" he asked.
"No daddy, I'm awake," replied the boy.
"I've been thinking, maybe I was too hard on you earlier," said the man.
"It's been a long day and I took my aggravation out on you.
Here's that ?10.00 you asked for."
The little boy sat straight up, beaming. "Oh, thank you daddy" he yelled.
Then, reaching under his pillow, he pulled out some more crumpled up bills. The man, seeing that
the boy already had money, started to get angry again. The little boy slowly counted out his
money, then looked up at the man.
"Why did you want more money if you already had some?" the father grumbled.
"Because I didn't have enough, but now I do," the little boy replied.
"Daddy, I have ?20.00 now. Can I buy an hour of your time?"

Share this incident with someone you like...but even better, share ?20.00 worth of time with
someone you love. Just a short reminder to all of us working so hard for our living. However, let
us not let time slip through our fingers without having spent some "quality time" with those who
really matter to us.


A time comes in our life when we finally get it. When in the midst of all our fears and
insanity, we stop dead in our tracks, and somewhere the voice inside our head cries
out ~ ENOUGH!
Enough fighting and crying and struggling to hold on. And, like a child quieting down after a blind
tantrum, our sobs begin to subside, we shudder once or twice, we blink back our tears, and
through a mantle of wet lashes we begin to look at the world through new eyes.

This is our awakening. We realize that it's time to stop hoping and waiting for something to
change, or for happiness, safety and security to come galloping over the next horizon. We come
to terms with the fact that he/she is not Prince Charming or Cinderella, and we are not Cinderella
or Prince Charming!

We awaken to the fact that we are not perfect, that not everyone will always love, appreciate, or
approve of who or what we are, and that's okay. (They're entitled to their own views and
opinions.) And we learn the importance of loving and championing ourselves; and in the process
a sense of newfound confidence is born of self-approval. We stop complaining and blaming other
people for the things they did to us (or didn't do for us) and we learn that the only thing we can
really count on is God (the supernatural power of the universe.)

We learn that people don't always say what they mean or mean what they say, and sometimes
they don't even know themselves.

We also learn that not everyone will always be there for us; and that it's not always about us. So,
we learn to stand on our own, and to take care of ourselves, and in the process, a sense of safety
and security is born of self-reliance.

We stop judging and pointing fingers and we begin to accept people as they are, and to overlook
their shortcomings and human frailties; and in the process, a sense of peace and contentment is
born of forgiveness.

We realize that much of the way we view ourselves and the world around us, is as a result of all
the messages and opinions that have been ingrained into our psyche.

We begin to sift through all that we've been fed about how we should behave, how we should
look, and how much we should weigh; what we should wear and where we should shop, and
what we should drive; how and where we should live, and what we should do for a living; who we
should sleep with, who we should marry, and what we should expect of a marriage; the
importance of having and raising children, or what we owe our parents.

We learn to open up to new worlds and different points of view. And we begin reassessing and
redefining who we are and what we really stand for.

We learn that it is truly in giving that we receive. And that there is power and glory in creating and
contributing; and we stop maneuvering through life merely as a "consumer" looking for our next

We learn that principles such as honesty and integrity are not the outdated ideals of a bygone
era, but the mortar that holds together the foundation upon which we must build a life.

We learn that we don't know everything, it's not our job to save the world and that we can't teach
a cat to sing.

We learn to distinguish between guilt, and responsibility, and the importance of setting
boundaries, and learning to say NO.
We learn that the only cross to bear is the one we choose to carry, and that martyrs get burned at
the stake.

Then we learn about love; romantic love and the familial love.

How to love, how much to give in love, when to stop giving, and when to walk away.

We learn to look at relationships as they really are and not as we would have them be. We stop
trying to control people, situations, and outcomes. We learn that just as people grow and change,
so it is with love, and we learn that we don't have the right to demand love on our terms just to
make us happy.

We also learn that to build a long term relationship it takes two to people to work on it.

Love is the most important materials needed; forgiveness and acceptance are needed to cement
the relationship.

If one person backs out, the other can't do it on his/her own.

And, we learn that alone does not mean lonely. And we look in the mirror and come to terms with
the fact that we will never be a perfect size, and we stop trying to compete with the image inside
our head and agonizing over how we "stack up."

We also stop working so hard at putting our feelings aside, smoothing things over and ignoring
our needs. We learn that feelings of entitlement are perfectly OK. And that it is our right to want
things and to ask for the things that we want and that sometimes it is necessary to make

We come to the realization that we deserve to be treated with love, kindness, sensitivity, and
respect; and we won't settle for less.

And, we allow only the hands of a lover who cherishes us to glorify us with his/her touch and in
the process we internalize the meaning of self-respect.

And we learn that our body really is our temple, and we begin to care for it and treat it with
respect. We begin eating a balanced diet, drinking more water, taking more time to exercise and
stop smoking.

We learn that fatigue diminishes the spirit and can create doubt and fear.

So we take more time to rest.

And, just as food fuels the body, laughter fuels our soul,and crying cleans our hurts. Suppressing
our hurt makes us weak.

It's ok to cry; it's a form of releasing our hurt, after we feel the fullness of our hurt, we will grow
strong again.

So we take more time to laugh and to play. We learn that for the most part, in life we get what we
believe we deserve and that much of life truly is a self-fulfilling prophecy.
We learn that anything worth achieving is worth working for, and that wishing for something to
happen is different from working toward making it happen. More importantly, we learn that in
order to achieve success we need direction, discipline, and perseverance.

We also learn that no one can do it all alone and that it's OK to risk asking for help. We learn that
the only thing we must truly fear is the great robber baron of all time, fear itself.

We learn to step right into and through our fears because we know that whatever happens we
can handle it, and to give in to fear is to give away the right to live life on our terms.

And we learn to fight for our life and not to squander it living under a cloud of impending doom.
We learn that life isn't always fair, we don't always get what we think we deserve; and that
sometimes-bad things happen to unsuspecting, good people. On these occasions, we learn not to
personalize things.

We learn that God isn't punishing us or failing to answer our prayers.

We begin to take responsibility for our actions. And we learn to deal with evil in its most primal
state ~ the ego.

We learn negative feelings such as anger, envy and resentment must be understood and
redirected, or they will suffocate the life out of us, and poison the universe that surrounds us.

We learn to admit when we are wrong and to building bridges instead of walls.

We learn to be thankful and to take comfort in many of the simple things we take for granted,
things that millions of people upon the earth can only dream about: a full refrigerator, clean
running water, a soft warm bed, a long hot shower. Slowly, we begin to take responsibility for
ourselves by ourselves; and we make ourselves a promise to never betray ourselves and to
never settle for less than our heart's desire.

And we hang a wind chime outside our window so we can listen to the wind. And we make it a
point to keep smiling, keep trusting, and to stay open to every wonderful possibility.

Finally, with courage in our heart and with Spirit by our side we take a stand; we take a deep
breath, and we begin to design the life that we want to live as best as we can.

A Thing of Beauty

Two men, both seriously ill, occupied the same hospital room. One man was allowed
to sit up in his bed for an hour each afternoon to help drain the fluid from his lungs.
His bed was next to the room's only window.

The other man had to spend all his time flat on his back.

The men talked for hours on end. They spoke of their wives and families, their homes, their jobs,
their involvement in the military service, where they had been on vacation. And every afternoon
when the man in the bed by the window could sit up, he would pass the time by describing to his
roommate all the things he could see outside the window.

The man in the other bed began to live for those one-hour periods where his world would be
broadened and enlivened by all the activity and color of the world outside.
The window overlooked a park with a lovely lake. Ducks and swans played on the water while
children sailed their model boats. Young lovers walked arm in arm amidst flowers of every color
of the rainbow. Grand old trees graced the landscape, and a fine view of the city skyline could be
seen in the distance. As the man by the window described all this in exquisite detail, the man on
the other side of the room would close his eyes and imagine the picturesque scene.

One warm afternoon the man by the window described a parade passing by. Although the other
man couldn't hear the band-he could see it in his mind's eye as the gentleman by the window
portrayed it with descriptive words.

Days and weeks passed. One morning, the day nurse arrived to bring water for their baths only to
find the lifeless body of the man by the window, who had died peacefully in his sleep. She was
saddened and called the hospital attendants to take the body away.

As soon as it seemed appropriate, the other man asked if he could be moved next to the window.
The nurse was happy to make the switch, and after making sure he was comfortable, she left him

Slowly, painfully, he propped himself up on one elbow to take his first look at the world outside.
Finally, he would have the joy of seeing it for himself. He strained to slowly turn to look out the
window beside the bed. It faced a blank wall.

The man asked the nurse what could have compelled his deceased roommate who had
described such wonderful things outside this window. The nurse responded that the man was
blind and could not even see the wall. She said, "Perhaps he just wanted to encourage you."

Conclusion: There is tremendous happiness in making others happy, despite our own situations.
Shared grief is half the sorrow, but happiness when shared, is doubled. If you want to feel rich,
just count all of the things you have that money can't buy. "Today is a gift, that's why it is called
the present."

Famous love letter

There are so many reasons for me to love you. I love the way you find humor in the
darkest of clouds. I Love the way you make me smile. I love to feel your strong arms
when they hold me tight. I love the way you accept me for who I am. I admire your inner
strength. I could list reasons from here to eternity, but I will not. We are in the darkest
days of our lives. I have made mistakes as have you. However, it is during this time, at
our weakest, we can also be our strongest. For we have our love and if we remember that
love, draw on that love, we can get through this and truly be one.

Let's work together, trust each other, honor each other, respect each other, be faithful in
our love for each other and we can conquer all that life throws our way.

I love you so much it makes me cry. I love you so much, without you I feel I would die.

I love you, Babe. We can do it ... together.

Why does one love?
Is it to find an escape from the pains of loneliness or
Is it to feel the warmth of fulfillment that it brings to one's heart?
To me, love is the essential of all being.
One cannot exist without the love of another.
To live for another makes a life complete in every way.
Each beat of one's heart, each breath, each small thought signifies a
Small part of a love that is shared with another.

Who does one love?

Are two people destined to come together or
Is it by chance alone?
Only one's heart can tell when love has come.
It can feel the longing desire from it's deepest point and
It can feel the overpowering attraction when they are close.
One loves whom his heart has chosen and
My heart has chosen you.

When does one love?

Does one share their love in the soft mist of the early morning or
In the crisp breeze of the darkening night?
Those that are truly in love know no night or day, no dark or light.
Love is a continuous thing.
My love for you continues to grow throughout every second of time.

Why, Who, When, they all tie together,

For my love covers each of these.
Why, because you are what I have dreamed about.
Who, my heart tells me that you are the one I've been searching for.
When, now and throughout eternity.
My love for you shall never cease to exist
For there is no end to true love

Dear Husband:
I’m writing you this letter to tell you that I’m leaving you for good.I’ve been a good
woman to you for seven years and I have nothing to show for it. These last two weeks
have been hell. Your boss called to tell me that you had quit your job today and that was
the last straw.Last week, you came home and didn’t notice that I had gotten my hair and
nails done, cooked your favorite meal and even wore a brand new negligee. You came
home and ate in two minut es, and went straight to sleep after watching the game. You
don’t tell me you love me anymore, you don’t touch me or anything. Either you’re
cheating or you don’t love me anymore, what ever the case is, I’m gone.
P.S. If you’re trying to find me, don’t. Your BROTHER and I are moving away to West
Virginia together! Have a great life!

Your EX-Wife.

Dear Ex-Wife

Nothing has made my day more than receiving your letter. It’s true
that you and I have been married for seven years, although a good woman is a far cry
from what you’ve been. I watch sports so much to try to drown out your constant
nagging. Too bad that doesn’t work.
I did notice when you cut off all of your hair last week, the first thing that came to mind
was “You look just like a man!” My mother raised me to not say anything if you can’t
say anything nice.
When you cooked my favorite meal, you must have gotten me confused with MY
BROTHER, because I stopped eating pork seven years ago.
I went to sleep on you when you had on that new negligee because the price tag was still
on it. I prayed that it was a coincidence that my brother had just borrowed fifty dollars
from me that morning and your negligee was $49.99.

After all of this, I still loved you and felt that we could work it out. So when I discovered
that I had hit the lotto for ten million dollars, I quit my job and bought us two tickets to
Jamaica. But when I got home you were gone. Everything happens for a reason I guess. I
hope you have the filling life you always wanted.
My lawyer said with your letter that you wrote, you won’t get a dime from me. So take

P.S. I don’t know if I ever told you this but Carl, my brother was born Carla. I hope that’s
not a problem.


Rich As Hell and Free!