Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
THE NEGLECTED HEART
health and even your life. Condoms can
The Emotional Dangers of reduce but do not eliminate these physical
Premature Sexual Involvement risks. About 15% of adults who use condoms
to prevent pregnancy find themselves
pregnant over the course of a year. 1
Thomas Lickona, Ph.D.
Consistent and correct condom use during
vaginal sex can reduce the risk of sexual
I lost my virginity when I was 15. My
transmission of HIV/AIDS by about 85% but
boyfriend and I thought we loved each
only if a person uses them correctly 100% of
other. But once we began having sex, it
the time. Consistent condom use reduces by
completely destroyed any love we had. I
only 50% the risk for chlamydia 2 —the cause
felt he was no longer interested in spending
of a substantial proportion of female
time with me—he was interested in spending
infertility. And few people achieve
time with my body.
consistent/correct use. 3 Although there is
some evidence that 100% condom use may
—AMANDA, A COLLEGE STUDENT
reduce the risk for human papillomavirus 4
I wish someone had been preaching (HPV)—the cause of virtually all cervical
abstinence in my ear when I was in high cancer in women—a significant risk remains. 5
school. That was when my sexual activity Some STIs can be passed on by skin‐to‐skin
started. I don't even want to think about contact in the entire genital area, only a small
my college years. I wish I had saved this part of which is covered by a condom.
for my wife.
SEX AND THE HUMAN HEART
—MIKE, A 26-YEAR-OLD HUSBAND For human beings, of course, sex is about
much more than the body. It’s the emotional
There is no condom for the heart.
or psychological dimension of sex that makes
it distinctively human. Our entire person—
—ABSTINENCE EDUCATION POSTER
mind, body, and feelings—is involved. That’s
why sexual intimacy has potentially powerful
In discussions of teen sex, much is said about emotional consequences.
the dangers of pregnancy and disease—but Why is it so much harder to discuss sex and
far less about the emotional hazards. And emotional hurt—to name and talk about the
that’s a problem, because the destructive damaging psychological effects that can come
psychological consequences of temporary from premature sexual involvement?
sexual relationships are very real. Being aware _______________________________________
of them can help a young person make and
The emotional consequences of sex
stick to the decision to avoid premature
sexual involvement. are seldom discussed.
_______________________________________
That’s not to say we should downplay the For one thing, most of us have never heard
physical consequences of uncommitted sex. this aspect of sex discussed. Our parents
Pregnancy is a life‐changing event. Sexually didn’t talk to us about it. The media don’t
transmitted infections (STIs)—and there are depict the emotional consequences of sex;
indeed, television and the movies typically relationships and feelings of self-contempt.
depict sex as consequence‐free. And the Many of these students were preoccupied
debate over what to teach about condoms in with the passing of time and with death.
schools or whether teens should have over‐ They yearned for meaning, for a moral
the‐counter access to the “morning after” pill framework.
usually fails to address the fact that condoms
When some of them moved away from
and pills do nothing to make sex emotionally
moral relativism to a system of clear
safe. When it comes to trying to explain to
values—typically embracing a drug-free
their children or students how premature sex
lifestyle and a strict sexual code—they
can harm one’s personality and character as
reported that their relationships with the
well as one’s health, many adults are at a loss
opposite sex improved, as did relations with
for words or reduced to vague generalities
peers in general, relationships with their
such as, “You’re too young,” “You’re not
parents, and their academic performance
ready,” or “You’re not mature enough.” improved, as well. 7
Some of the psychological consequences of The Harvard study, besides showing the
premature sex—such as feelings of regret— negative effects of uncommitted sex, also
are beginning to get more attention. A 2004 shows that individuals can choose to change
survey conducted by the National Campaign their sexual behavior and reap the rewards of
to Prevent Teen Pregnancy asked teenagers, sexual self‐discipline.
“If you have had sexual intercourse, do you
wish you had waited?” Two‐thirds said yes. 6
TEN EMOTIONAL DANGERS
________________________________________
A Harvard study concluded: What are the specific emotional dangers of
premature, uncommitted sex? These vary
“The sexual revolution was creating
from person to person. Some emotional
a psychological disaster.” consequences are short‐term but still serious.
________________________________________ Some last a long time, even into marriage and
We’ve actually known about the emotional parenting. Many of these psychological
consequences of sex for a long time. Dr. consequences are hard to imagine until
Armand Nicholi, Jr., clinical professor of they’ve been experienced. In all cases, the
psychiatry at Harvard Medical School, emotional repercussions of sexual experiences
describes a study he helped to carry out in the are not to be taken lightly. A moment’s
1960s: reflection reminds us that emotional problems
can have damaging, even crippling, effects on
Not long after the sexual revolution was
a person’s ability to lead a happy and
underway, clinicians observed that the new productive life.
sexual freedom was creating a psychological
disaster. We began to study Harvard Let’s look at ten emotional dangers of
students who complained of emptiness and premature sexual involvement.
despondency.
1. Worry about pregnancy and
There was a gap between their social
conscience and the morality they were
disease
practicing in their personal lives. The new For many young people who have become
sexual permissiveness was leading to empty sexually active, the fear of pregnancy or
A December 2002 Newsweek cover article on reports research finding that more than 70%
the “new virginity” (most high school of women who had an abortion said they felt
students now report that they have not had it was wrong—the taking of a human life—
sexual intercourse) included a story about a but that they went against their conscience
young man who regretted going against his because at the time they felt they had no other
student attitudes toward “forced sex.” It I found that nearly all of my adult sexual
asked 1,700 students grades 6 to 9: ʺIs it addicts’ problems started with porn
acceptable for a man to force sex on a woman exposure in childhood or adolescence. 29
if they’ve been dating for more than six
months?ʺ Nearly two‐thirds of the boys said
6. Shaken trust
yes. More surprising, so did 49% of the girls. 25
Young people who feel used or betrayed after
Sex can also corrupt character by leading the break‐up of a sexual relationship may
people to lie to get sex. Common lies are: ʺI experience difficulty trusting in future
love youʺ and ʺI’ve never had an STD.ʺ One relationships. They donʹt want to be burned
young man spoke of how his sexual activity, again. Brian, a college senior, tells his story:
like an addiction, undermined his self‐control:
I first had intercourse with my girlfriend
It was like a drug. The more sex I had, when we were 15. I'd been going with her
the more I wanted. I couldn’t control for almost a year, and I loved her very
myself, yet I wasn't satisfied at all. 26 much. She was friendly, outgoing, and
charismatic. We'd done everything but
Pornography. With the rise of the Internet, have intercourse, and then one night she
pornography has become more readily asked if we could go all the way.
available and consequently one of the most
common (typically male) sexual addictions. 27 A few days later, we broke up. It was the
In his best‐selling book, The 7 Habits of Highly most painful time of my life. I had opened
Effective Teens, Sean Covey writes of up to her more than anybody, even my
pornography’s corrosive effects on conscience: parents. I was depressed and nervous. I
dropped out of sports and felt like a
Like any other addiction, pornography failure. In college, I've had mostly one-
sneaks up on you. It reminds me of a story night stands. I'm afraid of falling in
I once read about frogs. If you put a frog love. 30
in boiling water, it will immediately jump
Jennifer, age 24, shares her story:
In Sex and the Teenager, Kieran Sawyer writes:
With each date, my boyfriend's requests
The more the relationship seems like real for sex became more convincing, and within
love, the more the young person is likely to two months I gave in. Sex became the
invest, and the deeper the pain and hurt if center of our relationship. Like a cancer, it
the relationship breaks up. 34 took over. New things entered—anger,
impatience, jealousy, and selfishness. We
regained. If young people don’t take Infidelity. Adultery can end a marriage.
advantage of these opportunities, they may Estimates of the percentage of people who
never develop their full potential. cheat on their spouses vary, but many experts
________________________________________ believe that infidelity on the part of both sexes
has risen in recent decades. 42 One possible
Premature sexual involvement can
reason: Sexual activity before marriage has
stunt your development as a person. increased. The ability to resist temptation is
________________________________________ part of our character—something that is
The risk appears to be greater for girls who developed over time, through practice. If we
get sexually involved and thereby close the haven’t practiced saying “no” to sexual
door on other interests and relationships. Says temptations before marriage, it may be harder
New York City psychiatrist Dr. Samuel to resist such temptations after marriage.
Kauffman:
Infertility. Many newly married American
A girl who enters into a serious relationship couples cannot conceive a baby. Infertility can
with a boy very early in life may find out cause tremendous stress on a marriage. If it
later that her individuality was thwarted. was caused by a sexually transmitted disease
She became part of him and failed to such as chlamydia, the stress is even greater.
develop her own interests, her sense of (Chlamydia can cause pelvic inflammatory
independent identity. 39 disease and scarring and narrowing of a
woman’s fallopian tubes; this condition may
prevent her eggs from being able to reach the
The research doesn’t tell us why living breaking the cycle of compulsive sexual
together or having sex before marriage might behavior; and the self-hatred of seeking,
contribute to a greater probability of divorce. after each break-up, someone else to
seduce in order to revive one’s fading self-
One plausible reason is that sex can keep you
image.
from getting to know the other person in a
deep way and finding out whether you have
the shared beliefs, values, and goals on which No one tells young people that it
a lasting marriage can be built. John and sometimes takes years to recover from
Kathy Colligan, who have spent many years the effects of these sexual experiences,
counseling couples preparing for marriage, if one ever fully recovers. 46
offer their observations: ________________________________________
“I don’t think I ever met a student
We see many engaged couples who are
living together. We find out by talking with
who was sorry he or she had
them that they have little in common. They postponed sexual activity.”
haven't discussed their values and goals. ________________________________________
But the sexual attraction and involvement
are very strong. When we suggest that
relationship in marriage—free of I’ve had sex with a lot of guys, but I was
comparisons and based on trust. By always drunk so I didn’t think it mattered.
waiting, you’re being faithful to Now I realize that I gave each of those
your spouse even before you meet guys a part of myself. I don’t want all that
him or her. pain anymore. I’m going to make a new
beginning and not have sex again until I’m
9. By practicing the virtues involved in married. 49
waiting—such as faithfulness, good
judgment, self-control, modesty, Stories like these teach a vital life lesson: We
and genuine respect for self and can’t change the past, but we can choose the
others—you’re developing the kind future.
of character that will make you a
good marriage partner. Sex can be a source of great pleasure and joy.
But it’s clear that it can also be the source of
out, and hoping for Mr. Right: College women on
1 R. A. Hatcher, J. Trussell, F. H. Stewart, et al.
dating and mating today. (New York: Institute for
Contraceptive technology. 18th Revised ed. (New
American Values, 2001.)
York: Ardent Media, Inc., 2005).
George Eager, Love, dating, and sex. (Valdosta,
11
2 S. Ahmed, T. Lutalo, M. Wawer, et al., “HIV
GA: Mailbox Club Books, 1989).
incidence and sexually transmitted disease
prevalence associated with condom use: A 12 DeLamater. See also N. B. Moore & J. K.
population study in Rakai, Uganda,” AIDS, 15
Davidson, “Guilt about first intercourse,” Journal
(16) 2001, 2171‐2179.
of Sex and Marital Therapy, 23, 1997, 29‐46.
3
National Institute of Allergy and Infectious 13 N.B. Moore & J.K. Davidson, “Guilt about first
Diseases. Workshop Summary: Scientific Evidence
intercourse: An antecedent of sexual
on Condom Effectiveness for Sexually Transmitted
dissatisfaction among college women. Journal of
Disease (STD) Prevention. Bethesda, MD:
Sex & Marital Therapy, 23, 29‐46.
National Institute of Allergy and Infectious
Diseases; 2001. Available from: 14 Eager.
http://www.niaid.nih.gov/dmid/
stds/condomreport.pdf. Accessed: 2005 Jun 16.
(New York: Fireside Books, 1998), 239.
18 S. A. Walders, ʺMourning life lost to hasty
decision,ʺ The American Feminist (Spring, 1998), 29 Quoted in S. Covey, The 6 most important
9. decisions you’ll ever make. (Salt Lake City:
FranklinCovey Co., 2006), 208.
19 See, for example, Project Rachel,
www.marquette.edu/rachel. 30 McDowell & Day.
20 National guidelines for sexuality and character 31 M. W. Waller, et al., “Gender differences in
education. (Austin, TX: Medical Institute for association between depressive symptoms and
Sexual Health, 1996). patterns of substance abuse and risky sexual
behavior among a nationally representative
21 J. McDowell & D. Day, Why wait. (San
sample of U.S. adolescents,” Archives of Women’s
Bernadino, CA: Hereʹs Life Publishers, 1987). Mental Health, 9, 139‐150, 2006.
22 T. Hoff, L. Greene, & J. Davis. National survey 32 D. Hallfors, et al., “Which comes first in
of adolescents and young adults: Sexual health adolescence—sex and drugs or depression?”,
knowledge, attitudes, and experiences. Kaiser American Journal of Preventive Medicine, 29, 163‐
Family Foundation, 2003. This survey found that 170, 2005.
one‐third of all teens—including three‐quarters of
sexually active adolescents—said they had 33 Hardwired to connect. (New York: Institute for
engaged in oral sex. Two in five who had American Values, 2003).
engaged in oral sex said that they did not
consider it to be as big a deal as intercourse. 34 Kieran Sawyer, Sex and the teenager. (Notre
Dame, IN: Ave Maria Press, 1990.)
23 A Jarrell, “The face of teenage sex grows
younger,” The New York Times (April 2, 2000), B‐ 35 D. Orr, M. Beiter, & G. Ingersoll, “Premature
1. sexual activity as an indicator of psychosocial
risk,” Pediatrics, 87, 141‐147.
24
“Oral sex and STDs,” Sexual Health Update,
www.medinstitute.org (Spring, 2003). 36 R. E. Rector, K. A. Johnson, & L. R. Noyes.
“Sexually active teenagers are more likely to be
25 J. Kikuchi, ʺRhode Island develops successful
depressed and to commit suicide.” A report of the
intervention program for adolescents,ʺ National
Heritage Center for data analysis (CDA03‐4), 2003.
Coalition Against Sexual Assault Newsletter (Fall
1988).
37 McDowell & Day.
26 McDowell & Day.
sex education programs?” Backgrounder, No.
1722, 2004.
39 Quoted in H. & M. Lewis, The parents’ guide to
teenage sex and pregnancy. (New York: St.
Martin’s Press, 1980).
40
McDowell & Day.
41
McDowell & Day.
42 M. Scarf, Intimate partners (New York:
Ballantine, 1996).
43 A. DeMaris & W. MacDonald, “Premarital
cohabitation and marital instability,” Journal of
Marriage and the Family, 55, 1993, 399‐407. See
also P. Smock, “Cohabitation in the United
States,” Annual Review of Sociology, 26, 2000, 1‐20.
44 J. Teachman, “Premarital sex, premarital
cohabitation, and the risk of subsequent marital
dissolution among women,” Journal of Marriage
and Family, 65, 2003, 444‐455.
45 Personal communication.
46 Personal communication.
I’m indebted for the first seven of these
47
“rewards of waiting” to Kristine Napier’s book,
The power of abstinence (New York: Avon, 1996).
48
Thanks to Dr. Janet Smith for this point.
Mary‐Louise Kurey, Standing with courage
49
(Huntington, IN: Our Sunday Visitor, Inc., 2002).