Band 8 Sample IELTS Essay

The below essay is written by a Student

Parenting is a tedious process which requires equal involvement from both mother and father.
However, mothers play a pivotal role in raising a child, but the role of fathers can not be
neglected.
In the modern era, equality and women empowerment is an important issue. Scientifically it
is proven that fathers are responsible for making a child and hence they have a key role in a
childs upbringing. Since early times, the fathers have taken the role of the bread earner in
most families therefore it is the responsibility of the father to provide his child with better
facilities such as education, nutrition and good clothing. Whenever possible the father should
use this opportunity to express his love for the family and his wife.
Generally males are associated with masculinity and other related work. The father also has a
crusical role to play when reaching the young ones values of power, resistance and discipline.
They act as a role modle for their kids and inturn teaching them these valuable qualities.
They can utilize this time to bond with their children and making them feel secure and guided
We should also consider, however, that the mother still remains the primary carer for her
child. Woman are associated with love, compassion and patience. For instance, I personaly
approach my mother when feeling low in mood or emotionaly touched. Mums are move
closely related to a childs needs and acts as a building stone in ones life.
To conclude, although mothers give birth to the child however fatherhood has come a long
way and is absolutely essential for a balanced childhood. Lack of time for males can be
alleviated by utilizing weekends and time off from work.
Tutor Comments are:

TR 8

CC 8

LR 7 (Some word choice errors)

G 7/8 (Spelling)

Overall score 7.5

The below essay is Corrected by a Tutor
Parenting is a tedious process which requires equal involvement from both mother and father.
However, mothers play a pivotal role in raising a child, but the role of fathers can not be
neglected.

In the modern era, equality and womenwomens empowerment is an important issue.

Scientifically it is proven that fathers are responsible for making a child and hence they have
a key role in a childs upbringing. Since early times, the fathers have taken the role of the
bread earner in most families therefore it is the responsibility of the father to provide his child
with better facilities such as education, nutrition and good clothing. Whenever possible the
father should use this opportunity to express his love for the family and his wife.
Generally males are associated with masculinity and other related work. The father also has a
crusicalcrucialrole to play when reaching the young ones values of power, resistance and
discipline. They act as a role modlemodelfor their kids and inturn teachingteachingthem
these valuable qualities. They can utilize this time to bond with their children and
makingmakethem feel secure and guided
We should also consider, however, that the mother still remains the primary carer for her
child. Woman are associated with love, compassion and patience. For instance, I personaly
approach my mother when feeling low in mood or emotionaly touched. Mums are move
closely related to a childs needs and actsactas a building stone in ones life.
To conclude, although mothers give birth to the child,howeverfatherhoodFatherhood has
come a long way and is absolutely essential for a balanced childhood. Lack of time for males
can be alleviated by utilizing weekends and time off from work.
Overall score 8