5 Introduction To Effective Sentences

Whats wrong?
Effective Sentences
Sentences show
Grammatical relationships
Style relationships.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because in
big rush we will execute customers in
strict rotation.
From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Art
by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and
sculptors. These were executed over the
past two years.

.
Whats wrong?
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from
Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where
famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists,
and writers are buried daily except Thursday.
Effective sentences should
be
correct; and have unity of
idea, emphasize the right
parts, show cohesion of
parts, be precise in
meaning, be concise,
show word propriety, be
clear in meaning, and
show variety in structure.
Employees will be able to nominate

two employees to receive the best
employee of the month award
I am sending you this announcement
to let you all know that Friday will be a
working day.
The General Manager definitely gave a
fine presentation that was actually
heard by the employees.
We must consider this problem.
If on the date of opening of bid, the

average price of domestic product is not
more than 10 percent above the average
of types, which price should reflect the
price of premium quality products, and if
reasonable bid proposals have been
received for the whole quantity, the said
bid will be awarded for local products
that do not exceed 10 percent more than
foreign equivalents and the procedures
set forth for awarding contracts will
apply.
If necessary, click "To:" to

choose a different recipient
type; click Reply to answer a
message: click Reply to respond
to the sender alone and Reply
All to respond to all addressees
in the message. To
automatically include the text of
a message to which you are
replying in the composition
window, click Quote.
Electricity is useful. Electricity is

practical. Electricity is economic.
Electricity is generated in large
power plants. Electricity is
environmentally friendly. Electricity
is expensive. Electricity is
important. Electricity is the backbone
of modern life and economies.
Electricity in Egypt is 80% from
natural gas. Electricity in France is
60% from nuclear sources.
Please be informed that for

certain uncontrollable
circumstances, we will be
unable to handout required
elements in time because
available resources shall not be
mobilized in time.
There is no doubt that . ?
Comment on the following

compound noun
A practical multipurpose
compact distillation tower
effluent gas continuous
analysis solid state unit
All supervisors are herewith

firmly instructed to return the
due performance appraisal
forms for all their employees to
the designated HR officer.
Please return the performance
appraisal forms to the HR
department.
They specialize in a computer; the future
of data processing looks good.
Because oil prices are low, the
search for new sources of energy is

intensive.
Presenting a good outline of the budget,
the management approved the outline

rapidly.
Today, a jet engine develops over 40,000
lb. of thrust which weighs 5000 lb.
Effective sentences should
Formatting and few touches

can improve readability, rewording effectiveness
A bid will be awarded for local products

if the average price of domestic
product is not more than 10 percent
above the average price of other
representative types
if the price reflects the price of
premium quality products
if reasonable bid proposals have been
received for the whole quantity
if they do not exceed 10 percent more
than foreign equivalents
if the procedures set forth for
awarding contracts will apply.
If necessary
click "To:" to choose a different
recipient type
click Reply to answer a message
click Reply to respond to the sender
alone and Reply All to respond to all
addressees in the message
click Quote to automatically include
the text of a message to which you
are replying in the composition
window.
be correct, and
1. have unity of idea
2. Emphasize the right part
3. show cohesion of parts
4. be precise in meaning
5. be concise
6. show word propriety
7. be clear in meaning
8. show variety in structure.
1. If the average price of domestic

product is not more than 10 percent
above the average price of other
representative types
2. if the price reflects the price of
premium quality products
3. if reasonable bid proposals have been
4. if they do not exceed 10 percent more
5. if the procedures set forth for
awarding contracts will apply,
the bid will be awarded for local products.
If necessary, click "To:" to choose

a different recipient type; click
Reply to answer a message: click
Reply to respond to the sender
alone and Reply All to respond to
all addressees in the message. To
automatically include the text of a
message to which you are replying
in the composition window, click
Quote.
We cannot give you a room on the

executive floor today, but we can
provide you with a room on the
18th floor with a sea view.
We can offer you an excellent
room on the 18th floor with a seaview since all the rooms on the
executive floor are already
occupied.
Explore the possibility of
ordering additional supplies and

ensure that the supplies can be
delivered on time.
Explore the possibility of
ordering additional supplies, but
most importantly, ensure that the
suppliers can deliver them on
time!
Negative
If you get a negative performance

evaluation during your probation
period, you will be terminated.
Positive tone
You will secure the position, once
you successfully complete your
probation period.
Timeliness is considered a
priority by all managers.
A key priority of all managers is
timeliness.
All managers consider timeliness
as one of their top priorities.
Afford an opportunity
Allow
At this point in time
Now
Feel free to
Please
In the event that
If
Fully cognizant of
Aware
In addition to the above Also
1) Unity
The sentence should deal
with one idea, or connects
related thoughts.
Unity of the sentence is

disturbed by
If necessary, click "To:" to

choose a different recipient
type; click Reply to answer a
message: click Reply to respond
to the sender alone and Reply
All to respond to all addressees
in the message. To
automatically include the text of
a message to which you are
replying in the composition
window, click Quote.
Whats wrong?
Whats wrong?
grammar and style errors,

unrelated thoughts,
long parts of speech,
misplaced parts of speech,
excessive details
.
In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Order your summers suit. Because in
big rush we will execute customers in
strict rotation.
From the Soviet Weekly:
There will be a Moscow Exhibition of Art
by 15,000 Soviet Republic painters and
sculptors. These were executed over the
past two years.
At a Budapest zoo:
Please do not feed the animals. If you have
any suitable food, give it to the guard on duty.
In the lobby of a Moscow hotel across from
Russian Orthodox monastery:
You are welcome to visit the cemetery where
famous Russian and Soviet composers, artists,
and writers are buried daily except Thursday.

working day.
2. Cohesion
The sentence is cohesive when parts are tied
together. Cohesion can be within the sentence,
between sentences, and between paragraphs.
The chief engineer had, in spite of his not
willing to share with us this meeting, pride of

the department's performance.
The new hardware is the one to, whether
expensive or not, use in design.
The (x) production (x) dropped (x) 10%.
Consider putting almost where xs are.
Those who watch television rarely read much.
Cohesion
2.Cohesion
Tools showing relations to improve

cohesion.
1. coordinating or subordinating
2. information ordering
3. repeating specific words.
4. pronouns
5. the definite article
6. demonstratives
7. connectives and transition words
8. visual formatting and use of colors
9. other ways of organization.
Parallelism
First of all, the good paragraph has unity: focuses
on a single idea or theme. Second, a good
paragraph has coherence: one sentence leads to
the next in some kind of logical sequence. Finally,
a good paragraph has adequate content: each
sentence contains appropriate details to support
the main idea.
Once made, you should execute the

decision.
Coordination, punctuation, Thesis: cohesive tools
Cohesion use of color
The two processes, speaking and writing, are not

identical. Writing is not simply speech written
down on paper. Learning to write is not just a
natural extension of learning to speak a
language. We learned to speak our first language
at home without systematic instruction; whereas,
most of us had to be taught in school how to
write that same language. Many adult native
speakers of a language find writing difficult. A
speaker speaks to a listener who is right there,
nodding or frowning, or interrupting or
questioning. (development of the main thought is
based on showing contrast)
The two processes, speaking and writing,

are not identical. Writing is not simply
speech written down on paper. Learning to
write is not just a natural extension of
learning to speak a language. We learned to
speak our first language at home without
systematic instruction; whereas, most of us
had to be taught in school how to write that
same language. Many adult native speakers
of a language find writing difficult. A
speaker speaks to a listener who is right
there, nodding or frowning, or interrupting
or questioning. For the writer, the reader's
response is either delayed or nonexistent.
Excessive details & structure (labyrinthic)

may hurt cohesion
apply.
Formatting improves cohesion & readability

if the average price of domestic product
is not more than 10 percent above the
average price of other representative
types
if the price reflects the price of premium
quality products
if reasonable bid proposals have been
if they do not exceed 10 percent more
if the procedures set forth for awarding
contracts will apply.
Formatting improves cohesion & readability

1. if the average price of domestic product
is not more than 10 percent above the
average price of other representative
types
2. if the price reflects the price of premium
quality products
3. if reasonable bid proposals have been
4. if they do not exceed 10 percent more
5. if the procedures set forth for awarding
contracts will apply.
Parallelism, punctuation, ordinal adverbs are

tools for cohesion
First of all, the good paragraph has unity: focuses
on a single idea or theme. Second, a good
paragraph has coherence: one sentence leads to
the next in some kind of logical sequence.
Finally, a good paragraph has adequate content:
each sentence contains appropriate details to
support the main idea.
Errors hurt cohesion

X Once made, you should execute the decision.
(the first part is dangling)
Once made, the decision should be executed.
Repetition of a Key Term or Phrase

The problem with contemporary art is that it is
not easily understood by most people.
Contemporary art is deliberately abstract, and
that means it leaves the viewer wondering what
he/she is looking at.
Synonyms
Myths narrate almost sacred histories and
explain sacred origins. These traditional
narratives are, in short, a set of beliefs that are
a very real force in the lives of the people who
tell them.
Punctuation marks serve cohesion

colon (what is after details what is before)
semicolon (before & after are logically related)
parenthesis, quotation marks (group parts)
formatting, parallelism (show levels)
Errors disrupt relationship
fragments (incomplete meaning)
run on sentences (no relationships)
dangling and squinting modifiers
errors of agreement (verb, number, persons)
relationships between tenses,
Article is a tool of cohesion when it refers

to something previously mentioned.
Gas-driven cars burn gas that leaves the
air relatively clean. Compared with
gasoline, hydrocarbon gases are rich in
mainly hydrogen and carbon and contain
very little impurities. The hydrogen in the
gas combines with oxygen to form water
vapor and carbon dioxide..
Pronouns
This, that, these, those, he/she, it, they are
refer back to something previously mentioned.
Be sure; what you are referring to is clear.
When scientific experiments do not work out
as expected, they are often considered
failures until some other scientist tries them
again. Those that work out better the second
time around are the ones that promise the
most rewards.
Transitional Words improve cohesion

I like autumn, and yet autumn is a sad
time of the year. The leaves turn bright
shades of red and the weather is mild,
but I cannot help thinking ahead to the
spring and the nice weather we have in
this time of the year. In addition, that is
the season of not too many layers of
clothes to put on, and (season of ) days
when I will not have to heat part of the
house to stay in working.
Compound nouns
1. four-arm-caliper,
4-wheel drive car
2. horizontal bar,
vertical tower, top
drive
3. floppy disc, soft
line, hard disk
4. Bingham fluid,
Newtons law
5. the first law of
thermodynamics
Relationship
a. Position
b. Construction
c. order
d. Name of
creator
e. Consistency
Relationships between words in a

compound noun
A practical multipurpose compact

distillation tower effluent gas
continuous analysis solid state unit.
Where is the problem?
distillation tower [having, with] an
effluent gas continuous analysis solid
state unit.
Compound nouns
1. emergency brakes,
safety valve
2. carbon steel brakes,
high carbon steel
3. air brakes, air hoist,
hydraulic pump
4. large-diameter pipe,
six-inch line-pipe
5. disk brakes, gooseneck connection
Relationship
a. Size
b. Shape
c. Composition
d. Purpose
e. Mode of
operation
Define the tools of cohesion used in the

following text
Exercises on Cohesion
First of all, the good paragraph has unity:

focuses on a single idea or theme. Second,
a good paragraph has coherence: one
sentence leads to the next in some kind of
logical sequence. Finally, a good
paragraph has adequate content: each
sentence contains appropriate details to
Define the tools of cohesion used in the

following text
First of all, the good paragraph has unity:
focuses on a single idea or theme.
Second, a good paragraph has coherence:
one sentence leads to the next in some kind
of logical sequence.
Finally, a good paragraph has adequate
content: each sentence contains
appropriate details to support the main
idea.
Show tools and errors of cohesion in this text

natural extension of learning to speak a
most of us had to be taught in school how to
write that same language. Many adult native
speakers of a language find writing difficult. A
speaker speaks to a listener who is right there,
nodding or frowning, or interrupting or
questioning.
Give examples of the following

Punctuation marks serve cohesion
Colon (what is after details what is before)
Semicolon (before & after are logically related)
parenthesis, quotation marks (group parts)
formatting, parallelism (show levels)
Errors disrupt relationship
Fragments (incomplete meaning)
run on sentences (no relationships)
dangling and squinting modifiers
errors of agreement (verb, number, persons)
relationships between tenses,
Define the errors that hurt cohesion. Correct.
Once in place, leave the place.

I enjoy working work in this company we
hardly work hard.
The chief engineer had, in spite of his not

willing to share with us this meeting, pride of

the department's performance.
The new hardware is the one to, whether
expensive or not, use in design.
The almost production dropped 10%.
Those who watch television rarely read much.
Jogging often relaxes.
Propose ways to improve readability of this

text
apply.
Comment on cohesion in this paragraph.

Unlike readers of the academic world, most
readers of the real world read selectively:
rather than thoroughly digesting a piece of
writing, they skim-read most of it, skipping from
one main idea to another until they come to
something that particularly interests them.
Such readers are forced to read this way. First
of all, the good paragraph has unity: focuses on
a single idea or theme. Second, a good
paragraph has coherence: one sentence leads
to the next in some kind of logical sequence.
Finally, a good paragraph has adequate content:
each sentence contains appropriate details to
Show tools of cohesion used in this text.

Gas-driven cars burn gas that leaves
the air relatively clean. Compared
with gasoline, hydrocarbon gases are
rich in mainly hydrogen and carbon
and contain very little impurities. The
hydrogen in the gas combines with
oxygen to form water vapor and
carbon dioxide..
The problem with contemporary art is that it is

not easily understood by most people.
Contemporary art is deliberately abstract, and
that means it leaves the viewer wondering what
he/she is looking at.
Myths narrate almost sacred histories and
explain sacred origins. These traditional
narratives are, in short, a set of beliefs that are a
very real force in the lives of the people who tell
them.
When scientific experiments do not work out as
expected, they are often considered failures
until some other scientist tries them again.
Those that work out better the second time
around are the ones that promise the most
rewards.
Your comments on this slide

1. Teamworking and Group Skills
2. Environment Protection
3. General Social skills
Generally Knowledge
Psychological
Networking.
I like autumn, and yet autumn is a sad

time of the year. The leaves turn bright
shades of red and the weather is mild,
but I cannot help thinking ahead to the
spring and the nice weather we have in
this time of the year. In addition, that is
the season of not too many layers of
clothes to put on, and days when I will
not have to heat part of the house.
Compound noun
distillation tower effluent gas
continuous analysis solid state unit.
Where is the problem?
Lunch time opening meeting program
activities forecast
1. A 7-passenger car
2. A deviated gas well
3. Linear Algebra
4. pH meter
5. Avogadros Number
6. Company unit
7. Computer company
8. Mach number
9. Opening paragraph
10. Cairo University
Relationship
10
3. Emphasis
End of Exercises on
Cohesion
Special attention given to particular

words or part(s) of speech.
Ideas vary in importance; therefore,
expressing them should vary in
emphasis.
3) Emphasis: Summing up
The writer can gain or vary emphasis by
placing important parts at the position of

natural stress
repeating important parts
arranging ideas in order of climax
using intensifiers, subordination,
abruptly changing sentence length
putting parts out of customary order
Other: passive/active, questioning
Visual elements, punctuation,
italicization,
Use of emphatic mood, etc.
Timeliness is considered a
priority by all managers.
Typewriters were invented by
Christopher Choles.
Typewriters were invented around
1860.
The increasing price of oil may cause

Christopher Choles invented
typewriters.
Typewriters were invented by
Christopher Choles.
Typewriters were invented
around 1860.
a shift to other sources of energy.

Worldwide, coal should last for at
least 300 years.
Oil, on the other hand, will be virtually
depleted within the next 60 years.
A method with old foundations, rock
splitting by humidifying wood, is still
used these days.
True, we have long meetings without
results.
11
At the present time, consumers are

not interested in solar heaters
because they are still expensive
despite the wide publicity we have
made for this article.
At the present time, solar heaters do
not interest customers because they
are still expensive despite the wide
publicity we have made for this
article.
Beginning phrases usually do not affect

emphasis: the main clauses are always
emphasized.
The expanding gases drive the turbine,

and the same gases are used to heat
intake air of the air supply system.
Whether the engineer is engaged in civil,
mechanical or other professions, he is
confronted with data and figures.
Basic to all progress are integrity, faith
and hard work.
Put words to emphasize near the

beginnings and endings
Never bury elements in subordinate
clauses.
No one can deny that the
computer has had a great effect
upon the business world.
Computer effect upon the
business world has been great.
Undeniably, computer effect upon
the business world has been
great.

natural stress
italicization,
Egypt does have considerable -- but

badly managed -- human resources.
Unlike readers of the academic
world, most readers of the real
world read selectively: rather than
digesting a piece of writing, they
skim-read most of it, skipping from
one main idea to another until they
come to something that particularly
interests them. Such readers are
forced to read this way.

natural stress
italicization,
12
Example: Emphasis, cohesion of texts

The two processes, speaking and writing, are
not identical. Writing is not simply speech
written down on paper. Learning to write is not
just a natural extension of learning to speak a
most of us had to be taught in school how to write
that same language. Many adult native speakers
of a language find writing difficult. A speaker
speaks to a listener who is right there, nodding or
frowning, or interrupting or questioning. For the
writer, the reader's response is either delayed or
nonexistent.
Use of color (enhancement)

Social Skills
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Teamwork and Group Skills

Environment Protection
General Social Skills
General Knowledge
Psychology
Networking.

natural extension of learning to speak a language.
We learned to speak our first language at home
without systematic instruction; whereas, most of
us had to be taught in school how to write that
same language. Many adult native speakers of a
language find writing difficult. A speaker speaks
to a listener who is right there, nodding or
nonexistent.
3. Emphasis (continued)
Visual Devices for Achieving Emphasis

Changes of
font face and size, boldface,
all-capitals
But they create the impression of a

writer relying on flashy effects
instead of clear writing.
Punctuation Marks for Achieving Emphasis
Use of Boldface
In commercials to portray things far from
realistic.
The following topics will be covered:
topic 1: brief description of topic 1
Use of ALL-CAPITAL letters for

emphasis may not be effective.
Dash or colon is more emphatic than

comma.
1. The employees were surprised by the decision,
which was not to change company policy.
2. The employees were surprised by the
decision -- no change in company policy.
3. The employees were surprised by the
decision: no change in company policy.
But express emphasis primarily through
words. Use punctuation as a help.
13
Choice and Arrangement of Words for

Achieving Emphasis
Use of some words and phrases:
especially , particularly , crucially , most,
importantly , .
Emphasis by repetition of key words:
See your good times: pictures in elegant
finish, instant pictures, and pictures in
beautiful enlargements will stay for ever.
Establishing a pattern; repeat it; then
break it. The varied part is emphasized
We are the first in reliability, first in
service, but in customer complaints -- the
last.
Departing from a basic structural:

Invert standard S-V-O pattern
You make $ 50 in one hour-work.
Fifty dollars you can make in one hour.
Put words to emphasize
Near the beginnings and endings
Never bury elements in subordinate clauses.
No one can deny that the computer has
had a great effect upon the business
world.
Computer effect upon the business world
has been great.
Undeniably, computer effect upon the
business world has been great.
Arrangement of Clauses for Achieving

Emphasis
Purpose: say candidates are good.
I believe both applicants are superb
even though it is hard to find good
persons nowadays.
Even though it is hard to find good
persons nowadays, I believe
applicants are superb.
Sudden change of sentence length

For a long time some corporations
used other countries merely as a
cheap source of raw materials, as a
place to dump outdated equipment
and overstocked merchandise, and as
a training ground for junior
executives. But those days have
ended.
Use a question after a series of

statements
The increased number of joggers,

the booming sales of exercise
bicycles and other physical training
devices, the record number of
entrants in marathon races -- all
clearly indicate the growing belief
that strenuous, prolonged exercise
is good for their health. But is it real?
natural stress
italicization,
14
4) VARIETY
Teamwork and Group Skills

Environment Protection
General Social Skills
General Knowledge
Psychology
Networking.
Vary sentence pattern

S-Vi: is writing
S-Vi-C: is writing well
S-Vt-O is writing a letter
S-Vt-O-C: We consider him clever
S-Vt-OD-preposition-Oi: wrote a letter
to the office.
S-Vt-OD-preposition-Oi-COi wrote a
letter to the office in Cairo.
S-Vt-Oi-C-Od-C: We wrote him a letter
before Tuesday
Electricity is useful. Electricity is practical. Electricity is

economic. Electricity is environmentally friendly.
Electricity is important. Electricity is generated in large
power stations
Electricity has become important because

of being useful, practical, economic, and
environmentally friendly. For economy of
scale, It is now generated in large power
stations using coal, oil, gas or nuclear
power.
1. Vary sentence pattern

S-Vi or S-Vi-C. S-Vt-O or S-Vt-O-C
S-Vt-OD-preposition-Oi-COi
S-Vt-Oi-C-Od-C
2. Use leading phrase or clause.
3. Use one or more of the following:
Negation, Question, Passive Voice
Monosyllabic: performdo. Directindirect
4. Vary repetitions: full/short forms.
5. Vary length: 8 to 28 words/sentence.
6. Combine Clauses: coordinate/subordinate.
7. Vary sentences type: > 40% simple, < 40%
TY
1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
Introduce variety in texts. Avoid short repetitive

structures, unless necessary.
VA
RI
E
What is the problem of this

slide?
complex, < 20% compound.
VARIETY
Use sentence connective: In addition
Use coordinate conjunction: and, or,
Use conjunctive adverb, however,
Use transitional expression: Price, we
have seen, is one aspect of marketing;
quality is another, but important
factor.
The increasing price of oil may cause
a shift to other sources of energy.

Worldwide, coal should last for at
least 300 years.
Oil, on the other hand, will be virtually
depleted within the next 60 years.
A method with old foundations, rock
splitting by humidifying wood, is still
used these days.
We have long meetings without
results is true.
15
Variety: Negative Example

We first choose the style of
brainstorming. We must not
criticize them. We always ask for
clarity. We must write results on
board. We first look for quantity not
quality. We group related thoughts.
We rank thought in terms of
priorities.
Show tools of variety used in the

following text.
Most readers of the real world read
selectively: they skim-read most of
texts, skipping from one main idea to
another until they come to something
that particularly interests them. Such
readers are forced to read this way.
Show tools of variety used in the

following text.
Unlike readers of the academic world,
most readers of the real world read
selectively: rather than digesting a
piece of writing, they skim-read most
of it, skipping from one main idea to
another until they come to something
that particularly interests them. Such
readers are forced to read this way.
Variety: Positive Example

First choose the style of brainstorming. Do
not allow audience to discuss ideas nor to
criticize speakers. An exception, ask for
clarity. Show results of brainstorming to all:
write them on board. Essentially,
brainstorming targets quantity not quality.
After brainstorming, group related
thoughts, exclude repetitions, and rank
them in terms of priorities.
Examples
A great place to work in is the one where
employees trust the people they work for,
have pride in what they do, and enjoy the
people they work with. Companies with
good workplace tend to be better
performers in financial terms. The heart of
the workplace is in the quality of relationships in it: employees trust the people they
work for. If a business needs to be
changed, the trust within the workplace will
be the currency with which that change will
be paid.

natural extension of learning to speak a language.
We learned to speak our first language at home
without systematic instruction; whereas, most of
us had to be taught in school how to write that
same language. Many adult native speakers of a
language find writing difficult. A speaker speaks
to a listener who is right there, nodding or
nonexistent.
16
5- Word propriety
Levels of Formality
In-Group Jargon
specialized language used by groups
of like-minded individuals.
Never use jargon for a general
audience without first explaining it.
The Paramedic Method

Circle the prepositions (of, in, about, for, onto,

into)
Draw a box around the "is" verb forms
Ask, "Where's the action?"
Change the "action" into a simple verb
Move the doer into the subject (Who's kicking
whom)
Slang and idiomatic expressions

Avoid!
Word propriety
Deceitful language and Euphemisms
words that veil the truth
collateral damage: the unintended destruction of civilians
and their property
sunshine units: a term for a power plant that is leaking
radiation into the surrounding areas
persons with disabilities, differently-abled persons
Biased language
Racial, ethnic, group, or gender bias
man's achievements human achievements
nine man-hours nine staff-hours
fireman firefighter
male nurse nurse
Black African American
You will almost always have to use additional

information, specific to your particular problem, to
answer such basic questions as, "Do I expect a
unique solution?" and "Approximately where?".
Once, however, you identify the neighborhood of the
root, or of a place where there might be a root, then
the problem firms up considerably: It is time to turn
to Newton-Raphson, which readily generalizes to
multiple dimensions.
This method gives you a very efficient means of
converging to the root, if it exists, or of spectacularly
failing to converge, indicating (though not proving)
that your root does not exist nearby.
Additional Examples
A great place to work in is the one where
employees trust the people they work for,
have pride in what they do, and enjoy the
people they work with. Companies with
good workplace tend to be better
performers in financial terms. The heart of
the workplace is in the quality of relationships in it: employees trust the people they
work for. If a business needs to be
changed, the trust within the workplace will
be the currency with which that change will
be paid.
6. Conciseness
17
6. Conciseness
6- Conciseness
Eliminate words that explain the

obvious
Imagine a mental picture of someone
Imagine someone
Eliminate unnecessary determiners and

modifiers
very unique
unique
Combine sentences where

appropriate
s s
ou rou
r
e e
ng ng
a
D da
ry
Ve
All supervisors are herewith

instructed to return the
performance appraisal forms
for all their employees to the
designated HR officer.
Please return the performance
appraisal forms to the HR
department.
Methods of Eliminating Wordiness

1.
2.
3.
4.
5.
6.
7.
8.
Eliminate unnecessary modifiers

Change phrases into single words
Change that, who clauses to phrases
Avoid overusing expletives
Use active rather than passive verbs
Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs
Reword infinitive phrases
Replace circumlocutions with direct
expressions
9. Omit words that explain obvious things
10. Omit repetitive wording
Replace several vague words with more

powerful and specific words.
Feel free to
In the event that
Fully cognizant of
In addition to the above
allow
now
please
if
aware
also
Conciseness
Change phrases into single-words and
adjectives
As you carefully read what you have written to
improve your wording and catch small errors of
spelling, punctuation, and so on, the thing to
do before you do anything else is to try to see
where a series of words expressing action
could replace the ideas found in nouns rather
than verbs. (53 words)
Concise: As you edit, first find nominalizations
that you can replace with verb phrases.
Methods of Eliminating Wordiness
1. Eliminate unnecessary and modifiers

Wordy
Any particular type of dessert is fine
with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is an
impossibility without some kind of extra
help.
More Concise
Any dessert is fine with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is
impossible without extra help.
18
1. Eliminate unnecessary and modifiers

some words/phrases, often be eliminated to
make sentences clearer
actually
generally
individual
basically
for all intents and
purposes
type of
specific
really
particular
definitely
2. Change phrases into single words

when possible.
Wordy
The employee with ambition ...
The department showing the best
performance ...
More Concise
The ambitious employee...
The best-performing department...
2. Put actions into verbs

The measurement of the tube was
conducted using a special probe.
We used a special probe to measure
the diameter of the pipe.
Wordy
For all intents and purposes, industrial

productivity generally depends on
certain factors that are really more
psychological in kind than of any given
technological aspect.
More Concise
Industrial productivity depends more on

psychological than on technological
factors.
2. Change phrases into single words when

possible.
Mr. xyz, our chief of consulting ,
suggested at our last board meeting the
installation of microfilm equipment in the
department of data processing.
our chief consultant suggested the
The chief consultant suggested that the
company install microfilm equipment in
the data processing department.
3. Change unnecessary that , who ,

and which clauses into phrases
The report, which was released recently ...
The report released recently
We recently released report...
All applicants who are interested in the job
must...
All job applicants must...
The system that is most efficient and
accurate ...
The most efficient and accurate system...
19
4. Avoid overusing expletives

It is the manager who signs the bills.
emphasis
The manager signs the bills.
There are four rules that should be
observed: ...
Four rules should be observed:...
Observe four rules
There was a big explosion, which shook
the windows, and people ran into the
street.
A big explosion shook the windows, and
people ran into the street.
4. Avoid overusing expletives at the

beginning of sentences
Expletives
it + be verb
or
there + be -verb.
"It is imperative that we find a
solution.
Same meaning "We must find a
solution."
5. Use active rather than passive verbs

Wordy
An account was opened by Mrs. Xxx.
Your figures were checked by the
research department.
More Concise
Mrs. Xxx opened an account.
The research department checked your
figures.
7. Reword infinitive phrases

Convert some infinitive into verbs
Change a be-verb with an action verb.
1. The duty of a clerk is to check all
incoming mail and to record it.
2. A shortage of tellers at our branch office
on Friday and Saturday during rush
hours has caused customers to become
dissatisfied with service.
A clerk checks and records all incoming
mail.
A teller shortage at our branch office on
Friday and Saturday during rush hours
has caused customer dissatisfaction.
6. Avoid overusing noun forms of verbs

Use verbs than noun forms
(nominalizations)
Wordy
The function of this department is the
collection of accounts.
The current focus of the medical
profession is disease prevention.
More Concise
This department collects accounts.
The medical profession currently focuses
on disease prevention.
8. Replace circumlocutions with direct

expressions
Circumlocutions: saying short meanings
in long words
At this/that point in time...
Now/then...
In accordance with your request...
As you requested...
It is possible that nothing will come of
these preparations.
20
8. Replace circumlocutions with direct

expressions
1. Nothing may come of these
preparations.
2. You have the ability to influence the
outcome.
3. You can influence the outcome
It is necessary that we take a stand on
this pressing issue.
We must take a stand on this pressing
issue.
in reference to
with regard to
concerning the matter of
it is crucial that
it is necessary that
there is a need/necessity for
it is important that
cannot be avoided=must, should
is able to
has the opportunity to
has the capacity for
has the ability to=can
it is possible that
there is a chance that
it could happen that
9. Omit words that explain the obvious or

provide excessive detail
Delete what is obvious to readers.
1.It goes without saying that we are
acquainted with your policy on filing tax
returns, and we have every intention of
complying with the regulations that you
have mentioned.
We intend to comply with the tax-return
regulations that you have mentioned.
common circumlocutions:
the reason for
for the reason that
owing/due to the fact that
in light of the fact that
considering the fact that
this is why because, since, why
on the occasion of
in a situation in which
under circumstances in which = when
as regards

1. I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes,
we do have...
2. Imagine a mental picture of someone
engaged in trying to learn the rules for
how to play the game of chess.
Yes you asked for xxx, we do have...
Imagine someone trying to learn the
rules of chess.

1.Imagine a mental picture of someone
engaged in the intellectual activity of
trying to learn what the rules are for how
to play the game of chess.
Imagine someone trying to learn the rules
of chess.
21

Do not repeat words with same meaning.
I would appreciate it if you would bring to
the attention of your officers our dislike of
long sentences in messages to the field
and in other items drafted for signature, as
well as in all correspondence, reports, and
studies
Please encourage your officers to keep
sentences and paragraphs in letters,
reports, and studies short.
1.During that time period, many car

buyers preferred cars that were pink in
color and shiny in appearance.
2.The microscope revealed a group of
organisms that were round in shape and
peculiar in nature.
During that period, many car buyers
preferred pink, shiny cars.
The microscope revealed a group of
peculiar, round organisms.
economics field
of cheap quality
honest in
character
uncertain chance
final outcome
free gift
past history
expected surprise
in a confused state
sudden crisis
unusual in nature
extreme in degree
of a strange type

1.Before the travel agent was completely
able to finish explaining the various
differences among all of the many very
unique vacation packages his travel
agency was offering, the customer
changed her future plans.
Before the travel agent finished explaining
the differences among the unique
vacation packages his travel agency was
offering, the customer changed her plans.
very unique
Period of time
large in size
often times
of a red color
heavy in weight
period in time
round in shape
at an early time
economics field
past memories
various differences
each individual
basic fundamentals
true facts
important essentials
future plans
terrible tragedy
end result
final outcome
Conciseness
allow
now
Feel free to
please
In the event that

Fully cognizant of
if
aware
In addition to the above also
22
Negative Example
Our deluxe models have chromium,
rubber-insulated fixtures for durability,
economy, and easy maintenance, and
convenient controls to cut down on
installation costs and necessary
adjustments. They operate on AC or DC
current and incorporate the latest
principles of electronic controls which
means flexibility in their use, better
adjustment of the thermal units, less
chance of error, and reduced labor costs
per unit of production.
We have enclosed a pamphlet which

shows further details of construction on
page four. (14)
Page four of the enclosed pamphlet
shows further construction details. (10)
Three days ago you asked us to

investigate the problem of discomfort
among your office workers. We have made
our study. Too low humidity is apparently
the main cause of your problem. Your
building is steam-heated. (39)
Too low humidity is apparently the cause
of your workers' discomfort. Since your
building is steam-heated, your solution is
to . . .(21)
WORDY/CONCISE Example
It is the responsibility of our Production
Department to see that it meets the
requirements of our Sales Division. (19)
Our Production Department must meet our
Sales Division's requirements. (9)
The collision had the effect of a
destructive force on the duplicator. (12)
The collision destroyed the duplicator. (5)
We must sell our surplus stock. (6)

This manual of instructions was
prepared to aid our dealers in being
helpful to their customers. (16)
We prepared this instruction manual to
help our dealers serve their customers.
(12)
Negative Example
Our deluxe models have chromium,
rubber-insulated fixtures for durability,
economy, and easy maintenance, and
convenient controls to cut down on
installation costs and necessary
adjustments. They operate on AC or DC
current and incorporate the latest
principles of electronic controls which
means flexibility in their use, better
adjustment of the thermal units, less
chance of error, and reduced labor costs
per unit of production.
23
Exercises on Conciseness
Wordy
In the event that
Fully cognizant of
In addition to the above
Feel free to
very unique
Period of time
large in size
often times
of a red color
heavy in weight
period in time
round in shape
at an early time
economics field
Concise
Exercise: WORDY CONCISE

It is the responsibility of our Production
Department to see that it meets the
requirements of our Sales Division. (19)
The collision had the effect of a destructive
force on the duplicator. (12)
We have enclosed a pamphlet which shows
further details of construction on page four.(14)
This manual of instructions was prepared to aid
our dealers in being helpful to their customers.
(16)
Sale of surplus stock is one of our primary
needs. (10)
past memories
various differences
each individual
basic fundamentals
true facts
important essentials
future plans
terrible tragedy
end result
final outcome
Wordy
Concise
free gift
past history
expected surprise
sudden crisis
of a strange type
24
Wordy
Concise
has the capacity for
has the ability to
it is possible that
there is a chance that
it could happen that
in reference to
with regard to

working day.
The employee with ambition ...

The department showing the best
performance ...
Mr. xyz, our chief of consulting ,
suggested at our last board meeting the
our chief consultant suggested the
Wordy
in reference to
with regard to
it is crucial that
it is necessary that
there is a need/necessity for
it is important that
cannot be avoided
is able to
has the opportunity to
Concise
Any particular type of dessert is fine

with me.
Balancing the budget by Friday is an
impossibility without some kind of extra
help.
For all intents and purposes, industrial

productivity generally depends on
certain factors that are really more
psychological in kind than of any given
technological aspect.
The measurement of the tube was

conducted using a special probe.
The report, which was released recently ...
All applicants who are interested in the job
must...
The system that is most efficient and
accurate ...
25
An account was opened by Mrs. Xxx.

Your figures were checked by the research
department.
It is the manager who signs the bills.
emphasis
There are four rules that should be observed:
...
There was a big explosion, which shook the
windows, and people ran into the street.
The function of this department is the
collection of accounts.
The current focus of the medical profession is
disease prevention.
At this/that point in time...

In accordance with your request...
It is possible that nothing will come of
these preparations.
1. The duty of a clerk is to check all
incoming mail and to record it.
2. A shortage of tellers at our branch office
on Friday and Saturday during rush
hours has caused customers to become
dissatisfied with service.
You have the ability to influence the

outcome.
It is necessary that we take a stand on
this pressing issue.
1. I received your inquiry yesterday. Yes,
we do have...
2. Imagine a mental picture of someone
engaged in trying to learn the rules for
how to play the game of chess.
It goes without saying that we are
acquainted with your policy on filing tax
returns, and we have every intention of
complying with the regulations that you
have mentioned.
I would appreciate it if you would bring to

the attention of your officers the our dislike
of long sentences in messages to the field
and in other items drafted for signature, as
well as in all correspondence, reports, and
studies
Before the travel agent was completely

able to finish explaining the various
differences among all of the many very
unique vacation packages his travel
agency was offering, the customer
changed her future plans.
During that time period, many car buyers
preferred cars that were pink in color and
shiny in appearance.
The microscope revealed a group of
organisms that were round in shape and
peculiar in nature.
:

# % & (' #) *(,* #
. 1 # 2), , 24
# 5( 56 7 8 :' #
?@ @ A ..(; # (;. 8=
CD= = 8 # : . B
HI , A,J .?= #
# %=; (4) ( , ;
B @=( . O P (7 A,
S :,6
Imagine a mental picture of someone

engaged in the intellectual activity of
trying to learn what the rules are for how
to play the game of chess.
26

.
"! &

$% #
( ) +(, $ ./ 2& 1
+96% .9 7+ 456.
7% 2 7+ <, 456>

?# .
7% ) 2
) <, ) B%
> DC.
27
* U7D : 4J

J,4 (4 =
= C ,X= = :,
'4 * , ) :A,* .D
Y = 2 .4 P % (7 A, :
;= : A(,J ( .( # A% (D A 6
; :8\ 2 [ B (D* 8Z : *
] 4 H( :: A, . 4* #B (#
* 4 X A ; A % ^% %
[ X H@ A 5 )'_
= 5 _ . # 4* a `\ aD A(,7
a P .... a

5 Introduction To Effective Sentences

Hochgeladen von

Dokumentinformationen

Originaltitel

Copyright

Verfügbare Formate

Dieses Dokument teilen

Dokument teilen oder einbetten

Freigabeoptionen

Stufen Sie dieses Dokument als nützlich ein?

Sind diese Inhalte unangemessen?

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

5 Introduction To Effective Sentences

Hochgeladen von

Copyright:

Verfügbare Formate

Whats wrong?

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Effective sentences should

Employees will be able to nominate

If on the date of opening of bid, the

If necessary, click "To:" to

Electricity is useful. Electricity is

Please be informed that for

Comment on the following

All supervisors are herewith

They specialize in a computer; the future

of data processing looks good.

Because oil prices are low, the

search for new sources of energy is

Presenting a good outline of the budget,

the management approved the outline

Effective sentences should

Formatting and few touches

A bid will be awarded for local products

1. If the average price of domestic

If necessary, click "To:" to choose

We cannot give you a room on the

Explore the possibility of

ordering additional supplies and

If you get a negative performance

At this point in time

In the event that

Unity of the sentence is

If necessary, click "To:" to

grammar and style errors,

In a Rhodes tailor shop:

Employees will be able to nominate

The chief engineer had, in spite of his not

willing to share with us this meeting, pride of

Tools showing relations to improve

Once made, you should execute the

Coordination, punctuation, Thesis: cohesive tools

Cohesion use of color

The two processes, speaking and writing, are not

The two processes, speaking and writing,

Excessive details & structure (labyrinthic)

Formatting improves cohesion & readability

Formatting improves cohesion & readability

Parallelism, punctuation, ordinal adverbs are

Errors hurt cohesion

Repetition of a Key Term or Phrase

Punctuation marks serve cohesion

Article is a tool of cohesion when it refers

Transitional Words improve cohesion

Relationships between words in a

A practical multipurpose compact

Define the tools of cohesion used in the

First of all, the good paragraph has unity:

Define the tools of cohesion used in the

Show tools and errors of cohesion in this text

Give examples of the following

Define the errors that hurt cohesion. Correct.

Once in place, leave the place.

The chief engineer had, in spite of his not

willing to share with us this meeting, pride of

Propose ways to improve readability of this

Comment on cohesion in this paragraph.

Show tools of cohesion used in this text.