Spare the rod, spoil the child?

Should parents be super strict? Guiding their child towards high academic achievement,
only allowing certain pastimes that are beneficial, which of course the child has to excel
at, traditionally this is a musical instrument. Or should they be laissez faire? Allowing
their child to find the things they are good at, providing encouragement with just a little
discipline.
1) Setting clear boundaries and strict rules causes children less stress.
Yes
Children need to do know the ground rules and be
clear of the boundaries. If you are vague and
ambiguous when giving orders, strict about a
matter one day but relaxed on the same matter a
different day, the child will be confused and not
know how to react, it will stress them out more to
never be sure what is and is not OK than it is to
be punished strictly a couple of times but to know
exactly why.
Children need to have ground rules so that they
can comply with them throughout their life. If they
are unaware of deviant behaviour and they
continue that behaviour due to lack of rules being
enforced then they would be continuing with the
negative behaviour which is not acceptable.
In the article 'Why Chinese Mothers are Superior'
there is an example where the father calls the
child 'garbage' for insulting their mother. This is
intended to show that disrespecting parents is
offensive and was something you shouldn't do - a
behaviour that makes you seem like a piece of
garbage. The child is not actually treated like a
piece of garbage, quite the opposite - they aren't
allowed to behave in a way that would demean
them so much.

No
A child also needs to learn that the world isn't
black and white, that when they are old enough
to have to make moral decisions of their own,
they can't just fall back on behaving as their
parents would or obeying a strict authority just
because it is the easiest way.

2)It is better for them in the long run

Yes
No
Though in school, children will want free reign and However, saying this. Children receiving such a
playtime, it is genuinely important they are guided large amount of pressure at such a young age
towards education too as some children just won't can be traumatising to them. Some Chinese
go down that road themselves. Though this may
parents can be overbearing and do not even give
seem unnecessary at such a young age, it is the
out much praise as in their opinion, an A is what
opposite. The older a child is, the further down the is expected of the child and is not really
road they are; whether that is the educational
deserving of any praise as it is not particularly
road or an alternative. It is hard to change their
significant. The child will try their hardest to
mind in the future, especially during their teenage impress their parents or attempt to reach the high
years. Whilst they may seem crestfallen that while goals their parents set for them and some will
all their friends are on Xbox, they are studying or
inevitably fail. This leads to low self-esteem,
revising for an exam, it will pay off in the long run. shame and disappointment. In this case, some
On the exam results day, their palms will be
may give up, some may be mentally affected and
sweating and they will be nervous but there is a
some may rebel. Giving up may lead the child to
much larger chance that they will ace everything - lead an adequate or even under-average,
this is so much more satisfying than if they
unsatisfying one, disappointing the parent further
achieved a handful of Cs, and a few Bs and Ds
and severing any bonds between them. Being
like some others. They will feel proudness and a
mentally affected does not necessarily imply that
sense of achievement. They will carry on their
the child would be made mentally handicapped
journey down this road and end up with a good
or insane, but that they may have a fear of failure
career and a good life. They won't regret it in the
induced by their childhood - this will affect them
end.
in nearly all aspects of their life and some may
not be able to handle, and some (especially if
they are teenagers) may even resort to selfharm. And the last option, rebellion. This may be
alcohol, partying, sex, drugs - these are all ways
for the child to vent and let out their frustrations
on the world and their parents. This will only lead
to a downwards spiral, and they will end up in a
worse situation than they would have if the
parents did not pressure them. Most of these are
all possibilities that may occur when a parent
does pressure their child too much. So in this
case, it is not better in the long run.

3)The child may genuinely be incapable of doing what you want them to.
Yes
No
This doesn't mean a parent shouldn't be strict in
the child's upbringing in other matters. They need As a child, before I was diagnosed with autism,
to be well informed about their child's condition,
the teachers in my school tried to make me do
use their common sense, stop doing something
several things that were impossible for me immediately if they feel they are actually hurting a ignoring triggers for panic attacks, controlling
child.
involuntary behaviour and interacting socially at

Yes

the same level as other children. It wasn't that I

never tried - I actually couldn't avoid failing. I was
punished and degraded for this and so I
assumed everyone was hostile and I couldn't talk
to people, full stop. I also could not (and still can't
to this day) function in day-to-day life if deprived
of computer games. This was attempted for
several months and all it achieved was to do me
lasting psychological damage and make me
more fragile and hence more dependent on my
computer. To the writer of the article, using a
computer game was seen as a useless activity
for a child but for me it was not, it was a
necessary activity. Parents aren't magically
completely empathic with their child, they often
make mistakes. If a child is failing and you don't
understand why and you just keep pushing them,
you'll just break something, in the same was as
you don't try and fix a machine by trying the
same thing over and over when it doesn't work.
4)A child needs to develop a personality.
No

Specialised interests don't equal a personality. All

musicians aren't the same. Personalities are
complex and resilient and always develop
regardless of life experiences, except for cases of
extreme trauma or abuse. A parent can trim off a
child's bad habits without damaging the root of a
personality.

If you force a child to practise something that isn't

their real interest in life, you are making changes
to their personality that you don't have the right to
change. Some people are artistic, some are
scientific, some excel physically. Children might
not want to practise the same thing you want to,
or even something you find useful (they may see
a use for the talent that you haven't thought of).
Nobody can decide who a person is except
themselves, even their parents. Parents already
pretty much have power over life and death over
their children when they are young and
constantly condition them to behave a certain
way by everything they say and do. The child
needs some way in which they can decide who
they are.

5)You aren't setting up a good relationship with your child from the start.
Yes
No
it is good to let your child know that there is
If all the time you spend with your children is to push
time to play and time to be serious, by
them into studying and admonish them for mistakes,
setting this grounds it will not only help them your child will see you as another teacher. In the
to excel but also understand the meaning of example in the same article
management. When there is someone in
http://online.wsj.com/article/SB100014240527487041115
charge, then and only then can there be
04576059713528698754.html, the mother is angry at the
work done, without discipline a child wont
father because the child reacts more positively to the
know the value of time or even being proud
father while the mother does the real hard work. If your
of their success. Although a child at such
child has positive experiences associated with both their
young age will not be expected to
parents as well as experiences of them expecting them
understand this value, we should not forgo
to work hard, being proud when they do and
that this is the time to develop this values in
disappointed when they fail, they will understand that
them, praise when you need to scold when
their parents are people who look after them, who mean
you have to and who else but the parents
them well and can always be trusted to talk to or turn to
them self should be the best people to
in an emergency. A child at a young age can't be
teach. "charity begins at home".
expected to just understand that a very strict parent still
loves them without it being demonstrated to them.

6)Because a child needs to be a kid and treated like one.. especially at that age
Yes
No
Strict parenting does not mean they are not being No because a child needs to be a kid and treated
treated as if they are kids, simply that they are
like one.. especially at that age
kids in need of disipline rather than kids in need of
freedom.

7)Chidren are not their parent's "property"

Yes
Parent should control their children, it is the duty
of parents to teach their child the values and
responsibility that they need to be a part of
society. But it does not mean that they should be
treated like subordinates, a parent is a pillar of
strength a person who the child can fall back to
when in need of advice and support, answers to
questions they don't know and mentor of society.
They are our responsibility and not an object that
should be evaluated, God gave them to us and
we should care for them. Like an animal who
shows love to their children we should also do the
same for aren't we a higher species?
If you can hire guards to take care of your
property, so should you do so to provide the same
for your children when it comes to safety, Your
Child is yours and yours alone to keep, for till they
can think and decide for them self, it is your
responsibility to teach them and mold them to
what you see fit. For in the end what we want for
every child, what every parent whats for them is
just to give them the best. So that they can fit in to
Society and live Independently.

No
Just because a mother gives birth to a child, and
the parents financially support the child does not
mean that they would try to control all aspects of
the child's life. It should be remembered that
while it the responsibility of the parents to care
for their children, it does not mean that they treat
their children like subordinates who must do as
the boss (in this case the parents) say. However,
it is true that children are in turn responsible
towards their parents and should be grateful to
their parents for all they have done for the sake
of the child, it does not mean that the children
would feel bound to abide by their parents rigid
rules at all times.
A child is a separate human being with different
emotions and different states of mind and
parents should consider that. Even though
parents may adhere to strict parenting for the
welfare of the child, the child should not be
suffocated with excessive strictness and should
be allowed enough space to grow on their own. A
child is a different entity from the parents and
should be respected and treated as such.

8)Kids with overly strict parents are under a lot of pressure.

Yes

No
People who want something from someone tend to
pressure them.
Parents want their kids to do well in school, life, etc.
Thus, kids with overly strict parents are under a lot of
pressure.
When kids have overly strict parents it leads them to
be under a great deal of pressure. Pressure to do
well in school, not act out, be mature, and overall be
the best. In countries like China and Korea, there is
not much room for learning from your mistakes, or
trying things on your own. The parents do not want
failure, and do not want their children to do anything
that would bring them shame. This happens all over
the world, not just in these places. For example, in
some households kids need to be virtuous all the
time. Their parents impose guilt and control them if
they do not act accordingly. Trying to please your
parents in school is already a lot as is, but imagine
constantly being held up to an impossible standard? I
dont think its wrong to want your children to be well
rounded and successful people, however holding
them to impossibly high standards is harmful no
matter how well intentioned you claim to be.

Yes

9)Kids with strict parents are more likely to rebel.

No
Research has shown that teens act aggressively
towards authority.
Teens and young adults see overly strict parents as
authority.
Thus, kids with strict parents are more likely to
rebel.
Studies show that children raised with a strict
parenting style tend to be more angry and rebellious
as teenagers and young adults. Its not unusual for a
parent to tell a kid to do something, and they do the
exact opposite, because they, felt like it. If parents
constantly set rules and boundaries for their child,
there is going to come a time when the kid has had
enough. They will begin to break the rules, and feel
powerful doing it. Teens especially, do not adhere to
rules and consequences. They are at the age of
discovering their identities, finding independence,
hormonal changes and peer pressure, all of which
lead to acting out against mom and dad. Trying to
control every aspect of their life is not whats best for
them, because in the long run they wont appreciate
it, and in turn, will go against everything they were
taught just because they want control.

Yes

10)Kids deserve some freedom.

No
I think that kids with strict parents are most likely to
go into different "modes" when the parents are strict
to them, kind of like depression or feeling like their
not loved because their parents don't let them do
anything. The parents on the other hand think that
their doing a good thing for their child and that it
would help them go far in life and become
successful. But kids do need freedom and if their
parents are overprotective and strict, than that kid is
most likely to go into depression or have suicidal
thoughts.