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God grant me the serenity to accept

the things I can not change, the


courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the
difference .
.

Before marriage the perfect


man/womanafter marriage faults
& habits are revealed. If only he/she
would confirm to ideal!

Marriage discord arises when one


partner tries to change the other.
Basic to happinessto feel
respected, liked, & accepted as we
are.
We must learn to accept differences,
tolerate idiosyncrasies & respect
individuality. Acceptance is a
priceless gift to give each other.

Most people tolerate-not accept.

This is not Acceptance


Criticizebelittling remarks.
Doleful looknagging.
Grimace or a withering look.

Disapproving glance.
Silence or a sigh.
Difference does not mean wrong.

What is Acceptance?
a. Viewing your mate as a person of
worth.
b. Liking your mate as he/she is.
c. Respect his/her right to be
dissimilar from U.
d. Allow him/her to to have own
feelings about matters

e. Accept his/her attitudes no matter


how different.
Acceptance Does Not Mean
1. U pretend your mate is perfect.
2. No faults exist.
Acceptance Means
1. Accept yourself & let others be
themselves.

Acceptance Means
1. Recognizing imperfections.
2. Recognizing areas need changing.

3. Accepting the total person.


Factors Affecting Acceptance
How accepting U R, depends on
temperament.

Calm, easy goinginner security,


high tolerance.
Some unaccepting, rigid, strong
notions of right & wrong.

U must come up to their stds-- sadly


many religious Os.
Acceptance is a state of mind! Feel
goodlittle bothers U! tired over
workedless acceptance.

Acceptance in Family is Difficult


U cannot cross off Grandpa because
he is senile.

Acceptance of spouse is more


difficultif one or the other is not
charitable by nature.
We cannot feel accepting towards our
mates all the time.

Some Behaviors may Always be


Unacceptable:
Drinking, smoking, gambling,
swearing, laziness, dishonesty, or
vulgarity.

Real people will have real feelings of


acceptance & unacceptance towards
their spouse during the course of
their married life.

Acceptance Does not Always Mean


Liking
View the situation without hostility!
Learn to live with itin marriage
there are many differences with
which we must learn to live

Promptness, church attendance,


manner of speech,personal
preference of any kind.

Prayer & practice can raise our


tolerance levels to accept basic
differences in Os.

Nagging
a. Kills lovewomen feel little joy in
home chores when criticized.
b. Nagging arouses defenses-verbal
counterattack, or uncooperative.
c. Depresses and on the defensive.

The Reason (noble-sounding)


She/he needs to change!areas
need working on.
Some feel it is honorable to help
him/her overcome week areas
achieve a acceptable personality.

It is for his/her own good.


BUT-it violates a basic Christian
principlechange ourselves!

Criticismputs others down to cover


our feelings of inferiority. By
belittling the worth of others we
reinforce our own shaky self-esteem.

How to Point Out Mistakes If you


Must
We should correct each other if our
actions, words, dress, or body odor
offends others do it in a sensitive
way, kindly.

Wait till the incident has passed.


(emotions cooled, and U gain
perspective & wisdom)

Ask only if he/she can do something


about it.
Guard your manner & tone of voicespeak as an equal.
Surest way to weaken affection is to
point faults always.

Nothing destroys love more quickly


than a running account of faults.
How to Change Him/Her (if U really
want to)
Dr Murray Bowen said, The family
is a system. Change in one part of the
system is always followed by
compensatory change in the other
parts.

Marriage calls for us to pull out of


the feeling level & onto the
disciplined level of mature
thinking.

a. We can change no one by direct


action.
b. We can change only ourselves.
c. When we change ourselves, others
tend to change in response to us.

Express Acceptance
Demonstrate it in actions & words.
At first U may find it difficult to
express acceptance in words. Express
especially when one is hurting.

First act on principle, & because it


fills a Human need.
Must U Accept Everything?

Infidelityeven in times of changing


morals. Scripture permits, but doesnt
command divorce.

Incesthomosexualitylesbianism
desertionnonsupportmental
incapacityphysical abuse.
No one can possibly meet every one of
our needs or dreamssettle for a
union where reality exists.