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13 Signs Of Narcissists Who Sabotage Your Happiness
//May 27, 2016
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Most people think a narcissist is simply someone egotistical and
arrogant. If youve ever fallen in love with a narcissist, you know how
painful it can be. Unfortunately theyre not always as obvious as you
would expect from the get go. We are all narcissistic to a certain
extent, while the pathological narcissists have a serious negative
impact on everyday life and relationships with others.
Painful relationships are blessings in disguise. If youre still trying
to prove your worth, you attract narcissists. Moreover, you purely dont
realize that you are in a relationship with a narcissist. Their bad
behavior is not short-lived. The best way out of a narcissistic

relationship starts with awareness and is followed by taking

responsibility for your choices and learning how to love yourself enough
to leave.
Having said that, here are 13 tell signs to help you spot one in your
life or discover that you are indeed a narcissist.
1. They feel they are superior to you.
Narcissism is the expression of the ego. The main indicator of
narcissism is an unwillingness to unravel the false ego-self to live
authentically. In fact, they live in fantasies of unrealistic success,
power, appearance or even ideal love.
The truth is they are very insecure and have a hard time accepting their
failures or the things they perceive to be less than perfect.
Narcissists will always try to impress others and try to make themselves
look like a superstar and act superior to those around them. So, they
believe their views are inherently superior to your perspectives. But
what they truly value is the attention they desire to receive.
2. They often break rules and have poor boundaries themselves.
Narcissists enjoy getting away with violating rules and social norms.
They love to be the exception to the rule. They repeatedly break
promises and obligations. They ignore your thoughts, feelings,
possessions, and physical space. They show little remorse and rather
blame you for their own lack of respect.
They have no respect for your boundaries, either. Any time you say no or
set up a boundary on their bad behaviors, its just a challenge to them.
They are usually very stubborn and hate being told what to do.
3. They have a deep need for admiration and validation.
They often expect preferential treatment from others. Thus, they expect
you to cater to their needs without being considerate in return. In
their mind, the world revolves around them. They believe that they are
so special and unique that they can only be understood by or associate
with other special or high-status people just like them. And if you are
not on the same page with them, you are not that special. End of story.
They often become envious of other peoples success and accomplishments.
They also believe that others are jealous of them. They typically feel
entitled to something better and think theyre not getting the
recognition they deserve from others.
Thus, they seek excitement and drama to give them access to adoration
and notoriety. They get upset and condescending when you do not share
the same feeling. This tells you either directly or indirectly that you
are not that important, or not as good as them.
4. They are emotionally abusive.
They dont give you a chance to take part in a two-way conversation. You
struggle to have your views and feelings heard. When you do get a word

in, if its not in agreement with them, your comments are likely to be
corrected or dismissed. They are often quick to judge, criticize and
ridicule you even out in public.
Communicating with them is basically a series of endless conversations
where you express an opinion and they immediately jump on it. They just
cant relax because they always need to be in charge of everything,
including you. This is where the emotional abuse kicks in. They start to
pull apart your thoughts and challenge your view of reality,
particularly when they believe they are intellectually superior and smarter.
5. They can be very charismatic and seductive.
When theyre interested in you for their own gratification, they make
you feel very special and wanted. However, once they lose interest in
you, most likely after theyve gotten what they want, or become bored,
they will drop you without a second thought.
Many narcissists enjoy provoking negative emotions to gain control, feel
powerful, and keep you insecure and off-balance. They might throw a
tantrum if you disagree with their views or fail to meet their
expectations. They become argumentative and typically respond with fight
or flight.
6. They are skilled manipulators.
They use other people to meet their unreasonable self-serving needs or
cover up self-perceived inadequacies and flaws. They even make decisions
for others to suit their own needs. Another way narcissists manipulate
is through guilt. They hijack your emotions. They might bring up one
thing theyve done and blame you for not being appreciated to fulfil
their unreasonable needs.
They will often call you crazy and slowly start to convince you that you
are. They are known for whats called gas-lighting that is the form of
abuse to create anxiety and confusion, breaking down your own trust in
yourself and your ability to discern whats real and what is good for you.
7. They fear what others think of them.
People with narcissism are hyper-sensitive to criticism. Needing so much
to protect their overblown but fragile ego, their defence system can be
surprisingly easy to set off. They become overly self righteous and
reactive if they are not recognized or if they cant get their way. If
you do something that they dont like, it means youre against them or
you dont understand them.
They also like to impress others by making themselves look good
externally. This, so-called trophy complex, makes them use people,
status or money to make themselves look good on all levels in order to
substitute for the perceived inadequate real self.
8. They fail to take responsibilities for their behaviors.
Narcissists tend to blame on everyone but themselves. Theyre good at
making excuses and not taking responsibility for mistakes they make.

Narcissists dont accept that they create their own experiences. Their
responses are triggered by unhealed wounds, so theyre trying to relieve
pain, subconsciously, through harmful emotional abuse of others.
9. They are often the unsuitable partners.
You
and
you
the

will notice that once you stop feeding their ego, start getting real
calling them out on their bad behaviors, they will quickly abandon
and jump ship. Thats because a narcissist wont put the feelings of
partner above their own.

Theres also the undeniable self-esteem boost that comes when they find
out another person, other than the partner is attracted to them. That
explains why they often come with a serious pattern of broken
relationships usually with infidelity. Faithfulness is a tricky thing
for them because they just would not pass up the affirmation of another
persons approval and admiration.
10. Its not your job to save or fix them.
The grandiose people, because they feel superior, theyre very unlikely
to seek treatment. Rather, they hold a grievance against the world,
which will eventually cause for a deep craving for admiration and lead
the narcissistic to lead a life searching for fleeting ego boosts. The
narcissist is unwilling to unravel the false ego self, which is a
necessary part of the healing process. Unfortunately, they are genuinely
damaged and not open to healing.
11. They are the lookout for your vulnerabilities.
They love the spotlight and have a sense of entitlement. As they are
constantly looking for admiration and appreciation they can go to
extreme lengths to achieve that.
They cannot genuinely care about your feelings. It is difficult for them
to understand how they can hurt others. They harp on your personal
insecurities or struggles. Personal insecurities or struggles that you
might not have otherwise been aware of seem to be a constant source of
tension and are often addressed critically and insensitively. Once they
hone in on whats important to you, they will use these things against you.
The underlying message that gets communicated through such hostility
towards you is something like I am not bad, wrong or a problem, but you
are.
12. On the contrary, they do not show their vulnerabilities.
While they try to project and maintain the false image, this kind of
hollow self portray eventually force them to prevent any feeling from
reaching consciousness. Since the false self is perfect, of course, a
lot of feelings have to be suppressed.
Thus, narcissists do not feel emotions like vulnerability, empathy and
compassion, or on the surface level, if at all, and cover them up with
rage, blame, manipulation and disdain for others. Deep inside, they know
that something is not quite right but sadly they cannot empathize with

other peoples feelings. Instead, they hold them in contempt and

ridicule. They cannot show their true feelings because it would shatter
their ego and their entire identity.
The reason that feelings of anger and rage are so typically expressed by
them is that they externalize in the very moment the far more painful
anxiety or shame related emotions hiding just beneath them, especially
when others bring their deepest insecurities too close to the surface.
13. They make it clear they know everything.
After all, they know more about everything than anyone else, and theyre
not afraid to show it. In fact, they can be expected to argue, educate,
and inform you about virtually every topic you bring up in conversation.
They certainly dont shy away from disagreements or opportunities to
teach you about their way of thinking and make sure you know that their
way is the better one.
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