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 When Father
Knows Best
It’s a whole new ballgame for Bay Area stay-at-home dads
By Dana Young work via phone from his home office, which enables him to
actively participate in the raising of his two daughters.
They’ve heard it all: The “Mr. Mom” jokes, the quips Married for more than seven years, Maiocco and his wife,
about being able to spend the day watching ESPN. But for Sarah, who works for a financial software company, saw this
the thousands of Bay Area fathers who are primary care- as a wonderful opportunity for their family.
givers for their children, life is a lot more than fun and How do you and your wife differ on child-rearing
games – although there is a lot of that, too. issues?
Stay-at-home dads are everywhere, it seems, connected I’m the softy; she’s the one who lays down the law.
by technology to each other and supported by a Bay Area What are some of the joys?
culture that realizes flexibility is a necessity for today’s busy I’m around the girls a lot. I have been able to be with
parents. them and haven’t missed out on their growing up.
While it is difficult to find data on the number of Differences between SAHDs and SAHMs?
SAHDs in Northern California, Paul Banas, Founder of I had our littlest one enrolled in a one-day-a-week class
GreatDad.com and stay-at- at nursery school called “Mommy and Me.” Of course, I
home dad, says there could referred to it as “Daddy and Me,” but I was the only daddy
be well over 100,000 in the class.
SAHDs in the Bay Area Have you ever been referred to as a “Mr. Mom?”
alone, and 1 to 2 million I wear it like a badge of honor.
nationwide. While the U.S. One thing you want people to know about being an
Census reports only 159,000 at-home dad?
stay-at-home dads (see side- I think a lot of people are envious that I’m able to spend
bar p. 24), it excludes many so much time with my children and have developed such a
who are staying at home for strong relationship with them.
another primary reason – Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?
they may work from home, I regularly take them to the Oakland Zoo – thank good-
or take classes at night, and ness for the yearly pass! We can spend hours at the chil-
can be available as the pri- dren’s portion of the zoo. Lindsay Wildlife Museum is a
mary caregiver. good spot just to walk around and observe the birds and
This month, in honor of animals.
Father’s Day 2008 and the
Matt Maiocco of Lafayette, with growing number of SAHDs, Seth Tator
daughters Lucie, 3, and Janie, 5.
we spoke with several Bay Several years before Seth Tator and his wife of six years
Area dads who “stay home” started a family, they looked at how they wanted to parent.
about the joys – and surprises – of their unique fatherhood. While they knew people who had invested a great deal of
time locating providers who are “like family,” they felt this
Matt Maiocco was the exception. “If you are going to have kids, then parent
Five years ago, Matt Maiocco, a Lafayette-based sports- them,” Tator says. “For us, turning over a newborn didn’t fit
writer who covers the San Francisco 49ers, took on a new that mold.” In order to make their decision work, Tator, a
assignment: stay-at-home dad to daughters Janie, 5, and former banker at Wells Fargo, began attending business
Lucie, 3. During the off-season, Maiocco handles the school on the weekends. He studies at night and is a SAHD
majority of the daytime parenting responsibilities. And, during the week to his two daughters, while his wife, a direc-
during the football season, he can conduct 95 percent of his tor of operations, works full-time outside the home.

20 Bay Area Parent | June 2008

 How do you and your wife differ on child-rearing
issues?
She is much more playful, while I am a bit more
straight-laced.
What are the frustrations of being a SAHD?
I suppose the same frustrations of being a stay-at-
home-mom – the complete lack of respect for the time
demands the role places on you.
Funniest thing said to you about being a SAHD?
Someone asked me how we handled the breast feed-
ing … as if I was supposed to lactate!
One thing you want people to know about being a
SAHD?
Daytime children’s shows are HORRIBLE.
Do you think society is becoming more accepting
of SAHDs?
Things have changed in three years, there are less
inquisitive looks at playgrounds, and in the supermarkets,
but I am still an odd ball. What we’re waiting for is the
same thing that would remove the glass ceiling in corpo-
rate America – a removal of unconscious stereotypes
regarding roles.
Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?
My daughter’s all-time favorite ever is Children’s
Wonderland in Vallejo. It has five or six different play
areas, a running stream for the kids to mess around in,
and large grassy areas to run around on – this place
really is great.

Vijay Bhaskaran
Pleasanton resident Vijay Bhaskaran assumed the role
of full-time father twice. The first time was from June
2002 to October 2002, following the adoption of daugh-
ter Maya. In July 2007, Bhaskaran took on the primary
caregiver role once again because of his personal desire to
be a stay-home parent and share responsibility with his
wife Alna Chandnani, a manager at Cisco Systems.
Noting that the choice was not a financial one, Bhaskaran
says, “I had always desired to care for my children even
before we had kids.” A former technology marketing pro-
fessional, he currently manages the household and
attends business school in the evenings at U.C. Berkeley.
What’s the difference between you and your wife
regarding childrearing?
JILL HAGER / PHOTOGRAPHY BY JILL

I take more risks and rarely follow the norm. I believe

that kids can be part of our social life, rather than having I had always desired to
a separate adult social life and kids’ social life. care for my children even
What are the frustrations of being a SAHD?
before we had kids.”
Explaining to others (especially other parents) that – Vijay Bhaskaran, Pleasanton father of
dads are also great in this role. Many people seem to Maya, 6, and Arja, 3
think there is a hidden agenda or that this is an easy

650.655.7600 | BayAreaParent.com 21
 Insurance for Call us today
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Bay Area role or that dads are not as good as moms in

this job.

Health Funniest thing said to you about being

a SAHD?
Insurance “You must have made millions in the dot-
com boom.”
(800) 564-4476 One thing you want people to know
Authorized Independent Agent about being a SAHD?
Dads are terrific role models for kids even
though most will not follow conventional wis-
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Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?
We love the Monterey Bay Aquarium, the Brian Charette and son Hudson, 1, of
Oakland Zoo and Santa Cruz beaches. Oakland.

Brian Charette at Western Union and become a SAHD,”

Located in
Menlo Park
Anthem Blue Cross is the trade name of Blue
Cross of California. Independent licensees of the
Blue Cross Association (BCA). ® ANTHEM is a
registered trademark. The Blue Cross name and
symbol are registered marks of the BCA.
For Brian Charette and wife Jennifer of
Oakland’s Rockridge District, stepping into
the role of primary caregiver was an easy deci-
sion and one he looked forward to with great
excitement. “It was a simple matter of eco-
nomics,” he says. “We decided early on in our
marriage that it was important to us that we
handle primary caregiver duties for our chil-
Charette says.
How do you and your wife differ on
child-rearing issues?
We strive to create consistency between
the two of us so that our son knows that the
rules don’t change regardless of which parent
he’s dealing with. This has worked out well
for us so far, but I’m sure there are challenges

A Nanny dren ourselves. And, we always said that who-

ever was making more money would keep
ahead now that we’ve entered toddlerhood.
What are the frustrations of being a

Connection
Dedicated to finding you the
their job and the other would stay home.”
When their son Hudson, now 1, was born, “it
made much more sense for me to quit my job
SAHD?
Feeling overwhelmed at times and feeling
sometimes like I have no idea what I’m doing.

perfect Nanny
Dads Online
We all know Dads like to play
on the Internet, and it has been a fertile
breeding ground for Web sites and blogs
dedicated to the adventures of stay-at-
• Personally screened home dads. Most provide information,
• Detailed reference resources, connections and community to
check the growing number of SAHDs in the Bay
• Trustline Process, CPR, Area. And more than a few provide some
• Experienced, Reliable excellent (and often comedic) insight from
Nannies, the get-go. Here are some of our favorites:
• No fee until Nanny is ■ GreatDad (greatdad.com) – “Because Dads
placed! don’t always think like Moms.” A leading
source of experience, recommendations,
Applications Welcome inspiration and advice for dads – delivered
Providing you with: from the male perspective. Founded by Bay
Full or Part Time Area Parent columnist Paul Banas.
Live-in or Out ■ Dad Labs (dadlabs.com) – “Taking back
Permanent Placement paternity.” An edgy, fun and informative
dad-focused Internet show and Web site that
Visit our website features comedic and informative videos.
www.nannyconnection.com ■ At-Home Dad (athomedad.com) – “Men
925.743.0587
who change diapers change the world.”
SAHD-specific newsletter and clearinghouse
that provide resources, information, con-
nections, community and networking for
stay-at-home dads.
■ Rebel Dad (rebeldad.com) – “The stay-at-
home dad revolution online.” An insightful
and informative weblog by a former SAHD.
■ Doodaddy (Doodaddy.net) – “A San
Francisco Stay-At-Home Dad Getting the
Hang of Things.” Bay Area Parent columnist
Graham Charles chronicles life as a stay-at-
home-dad to 2-year-old Fern.
■ East Bay Dads (eastbaydads.com) – A com-
munity for dads in the East Bay, EBD is an
energetic group of fathers with infants, tod-
dlers, preschoolers and school-aged children.
■ Mr. Dad (mrdad.com) – A Web site from
parenting expert and Oakland resident
Armin Brott, founder of MrDad.com.
– Dana Young

22 Bay Area Parent | June 2008

650.655.7600 | BayAreaParent.com 23
 in Alternative
Health,
Gentle Parenting, Green Living?
fathers’ day
Join Our Community!
I definitely have gained a tremendous amount of respect for
stay-at-home mothers who make it all work. Being a SAHD is
ten times harder than the corporate job I had at Western
Union, at least then I had two breaks and an hour lunch
every day.
Funniest thing said to you about being a SAHD?
Chapters in the Tri-Valley
and East Bay
One of my single guy friends asked me “How awesome is
it to lie around in your underwear all day drinking beer and
MEETINGS • SOCIAL ACTIVITIES • YAHOO! GROUPS • COMMUNITY!
watching ESPN?” He was completely serious.
Most annoying thing someone has said?
A lady at the grocery store said that it was nice that I took a
day off during the week to be with my son. When I explained
to her that I was a SAHD, she shook her head and told me that
children should be with their mothers and walked away.
One thing you want people to know about being a
SAHD?
If any prospective fathers out there have the chance to
stay home even part time with their young children, I strong-
ly urge them to take the opportunity. It will be some of the
best-spent time of their lives.
Top Bay Area spots to go with your kids?
I am part of a dads group called East Bay Dads. We meet
every Monday at a different park in the East Bay. Studio
Grow is a fantastic indoor play space with multiple-themed
rooms containing an art studio, climbing opportunities, para-
chute play, singing, storytime and much more. On rainy days
– hit IKEA. ■

Dana Young is a freelance writer living in Oakland.

By the Numbers
■ 66.3 million – Estimated number of fathers across
the nation today. (U.S. Census Bureau)
■ 26.4 million – Number of fathers who are part of
married-couple families with their own children under
the age of 18. (U.S. Census Bureau)
■ 159,000 – Estimated number of stay-at-home dads in
2006 (U.S. Census 2007). This is up 16,000 from 2005
(143,000 at-home dads, U.S. Census 2006). These married
fathers with children younger than 15 have remained out
of the labor force for more than one year and care prima-
rily for the family while their wives work outside the
home. According to the data:
■ 283,000 – children cared for in U.S. by SAHDs
■ 60% had two or more children
■ 40% had an annual family income of $50,000 or more
■ 35% had children younger than three years of age liv-
ing with them
■ 37% – Number of men in the workforce who would
consider “stay-at-home fatherhood” (careerbuilder.com)

24 Bay Area Parent | June 2008