Beruflich Dokumente
Kultur Dokumente
10
A Taxonomy of Haters
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operatorahead of us to
on passersby in these iffy
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create a calming
effect
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O PL E L A U G H
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A T AX O N O M Y O F H A T E R S
pans,
everyone
had
of
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O PL E L A
UGH
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A T AX O N O M Y O F H A T E R S
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O PL E L A U G H
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A T AX O N O M Y O F H A T E R S
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Swing
Haters
The Confederate flag owner above struck me as a
Swing Hater. The Swing Hater is sister to the
swing voter, but way worse. If you look at swing
voters,
they
arent registered
Democrats
or
Republicans. Theyre usually not blackbeing black
makes you a likely Democrat. And theyre usually
not Southern evangelicals, because they
are usually GOP voters.1 Above all, they just cant
decide!
1. This is according to the all-knowing Nate Silver: Swing Voters and
Elastic States, FiveThirtyEight (blog), New York Times, May 21, 2012,
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http://fivethir
tyeight.blogs.nytimes.com/2012/05/21/swing-voters-and-elastic-states/.
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O
PL E L A U G H
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books/20
08/swingvoterinamericanpolitics/swingvoterinamericanpoli
tics_chapter.pdf.
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Bill OReilly has come out of the closet with his lover
Glenn Beck, and theyre going to ride into the sunset
together (right after Glenn draws little hearts on his
chalkboard). In 2001,
57 percent of Americans opposed gay marriage, 35
percent supported it, and I suspect that that undisclosed
8 percent were picking their noses and the surveyor
didnt want to talk to them.2 By the time of this writing,
55 percent supported gay marriage and 39 percent
opposed it. Thats what social scientists call flipping
shit around. Thats not just because marriage deniers
have died off. Oh no, even when you break down the
statistic by age group you find that baby boomers, for
example, went from 32 percent supporting gay marriage
to 45 percent supporting gay marriage. Thats because
peo- ple change their minds.
Evangelicals
have gone through the most
stunning change on this score. These were the same
people who always used the joke that God created
Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve (that felt old even
when it was new, if you know what I mean). These
were the fire and brimstone people. It seemed like
they would never change. And yet, one report shows
that their support of gay marriage went from 20
percent in 2003 to 42 percent in 2014. 3 Can you
believe it? The evangelicals! E. Van. Gelicals!
The human brain is a big fat neuroplastic video game
2. The picking-nose theory on the undisclosed 8 percent is mine alone.
But the other statistics are from the Pew Research Center, where many
great sta- tistics are born:
Pew Research Center, July 29,2015,
http://www.pewforum
.org/2015/07/29/graphics-slideshow-changing-attitudes-on-gaymarriage/.
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O
PL E L A U G H
they
neglect
in the
Gossip
columnists
Awards
show
fashion
commentators
Exxon
People
People
libraries
The
about their
Blu-ray
hate?
People
detail
The
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want people to
neuroscientist.
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take
away
from
not
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A T AX O N O M Y O F H A T E R S
Flip-flop
enthusiasts
Smokers
Workaholics
169
The
The
The
Haters
Trolls
2.0:
The
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O
PL E L A U G H
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A T AX O N O M Y O F H A T E R S
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Im
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O PL E L A U G H
say that Im
Way
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The
Hater
Drive-by
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PL E L A U G H
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A T AX O N O M Y O F H A T E R S
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O
PL E L A U G H
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Atlantic, January 27, 2015, ht tp: //ww w.t heatlantic.com /politic s /archive
/2015/01/the-trouble-with-wearing-turbans-in-america/384832/.
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O
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8. Quotes from the American Family Association, Southern Poverty Law Center, ht t p: // ww w. splc ent er.o rg /ge t-informed /intelligence
-report/browse-all-issues/2011/winter/afa_quotes.
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Reform
Hater
Then there are people like Gov. George Wallace of
Ala- bama. For those of you who dont know,
Wallace was a towering figure of the Civil Rights era
but on the wrong side.
He said
stuff
like:
Segregation
now,
segregation
tomorrow,
segregation forever! And after losing his first
gubernatorial bid to a more radical white supremacist
(yeah, he wasnt even the worst guy on the racist
spec- trum) he said to his aide: You know why I
lost that governors race? . . . I was outniggered by
[the opposition]. And Ill tell you here and now, I will
never be outniggered again. George Wallace hated
black people. He didnt want them to vote, he didnt
want them to cross a bridge and march into
Montgomery, he didnt want them to use the same
doors or the same seating areas as white people. And
when everyone else was bobbing their heads to Diana
Ross and the Supremes, George Wallace had to
forcibly stop his hips from swaying and remind
himself that he hated black people. Thats
commitment.
But what has always fascinated me is that he is
proba- bly the most historically storied figure to dump
his earlier ideology and admit he was wrong. Yes. He
did that. In
1972 he survived an assassination attempt that
para- lyzed him and bound him to a wheelchair. His
wife had died a few years prior from cancer, and
things were just not going his way. He was still
governor of Alabama, mind youand would serve
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O
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Other Famous
Turnarounds
Alan Chambers of Exodus
International, the
pray the gay away operation to turn gay Christians
into het- erosexual ones so they wouldnt be eternally
damned. After twelve years of helming the
organization, Chambers admitted the reparative
therapy didnt work and that gay Christians didnt
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A T AX O N O M Y O F H A T E R S
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9. Alas, this is all untrue, as I cannot accurately tell you what will
happen in 2025. Or can I?
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O
PL E L A U G H
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O PL E L A
UGH
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H O W T O M A K E W H I T E PE O
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