Have You Found Your Mr. Wrong Yet?

Have You Found Your
Mr. Wrong Yet?

I never imagined that a smart, independent, condent woman like me
could fall for the biggest womanizer on the island. Would this former(?)
playboy break my heart with his charming ways? Or was our relaonship
really special to him? Do I choose to play it safe or do I risk taking a chance?
Can a person truly change? Is that even something to wish for? What does
this inner turmoil say about me, my desires and my fears? Slowly I began
to realize that this personal journey was far more important than the
nal desnaon. There was so much I did not understand yet. I needed
to learn to enjoy the moment and let go - really let go.
Movaonal speaker and author Esther Jacobs is
determined to get to the boom of the Mr. Wrong
phenomenon. Using her own story as a springboard,
she takes o on a groundbreaking odyssey through
the various types of playboys and the women who
fall for them, alternave relaonships, Mr. Right and
wise and wayward women. She challenges readers
to reconsider their assumpons and choices Do they
follow their head (security) or their heart (adventure)?
Have You Found Your Mr. Wrong Yet? oers a candid look at a trailblazing
woman forced to come to grips with lifes deepest quesons when she
nds herself falling for Mr. Wrong.
EVERYTHING YOUVE EVER WANTED

TO KNOW ABOUT MR. WRONG
www.estherjacobs.info
$16.95
This book isnt about him,

its about you!
By the same author

Digital Nomads: how to Live, Work & Play around the world
What is Your Excuse?
What is Your Dream?
www.estherjacobs.info
2016 Esther Jacobs
Original title Heb jij al een foute man?

First print (2011) by AW Bruna, the Netherlands
Second print (2012) by Van Brug Publishing, The Netherlands
Translation
Tiffany R. Jansen & Natasja Kemp
ISBN 978-90-6523-882-5 - Printed book (via Amazon.com)
ISBN 978-90-6523-892-4 - e-book (via estherjacobs.info)
Cover image
Esther Jacobs
Cover design and layout
Marieke Rinzema, Fuig Tekst- en Ontwerpburo, The Netherlands
Layout adaptations for English version
Velin@Perseus-Design.com
The ideas, stories and experiences contained within this book may be shared and
distributed within reason and provided they are not used for commercial purposes.
Any quotes or excerpts must cite this book and/or www.mrwrong.us as the original
source. Should you wish to use larger portions of this book, please contact
www.estherjacobs.info.
The publisher does not assume liability for any damage incurred during or through the
use of this publication. This publication has been assembled with the greatest of care.
However, the author, the creators and the publisher do not assume any responsibility
for any damage resulting from inaccuracies and/or omissions in this publication.
Esther Jacobs
HAVE YOU FOUND YOUR MR. WRONG YET?

www.mrwrong.us
DISCLAIMER
The love story with Martin highlighted in this book is based on my own
personal experience. Let me be clear that my role in this isnt going to
win me any awards. Its not uncommon for Mr. Wrong to string along
several women at one time. You may not have all the information (or
even the right information) at first, but you cant shake the feeling that
somethings not right. Despite all of that, I chose to play the game.
Theres no such thing as black and white. Theres a bad boy/girl inside
each and every one of us. Sometimes we allow that side to harm others
or cause them pain. While it was never my intention to hurt anyone, I
take full responsibility for my actions and offer my apologies once again
to those I mistreated.
To protect those involved, names have been changed, the order of events
has been altered and as many details as possible have been omitted.
Lets just say that about 90 percent of my story is accurate and the remaining 10 percent is poetic license. Ill let you decide for yourself which is
which. But this isnt about what did or did not happen. Its about how I
changed because of this experience and what I learned from it. Thats
what Im here to share.
Whether the people in this book bear resemblance to real persons or the
Caribbean island in question brings Curacao to mind, I leave that entirely
up to you, the reader.
CONTENTS
JOURNEY TO DISCOVERY
Preface 12
Chapter 1 - The Asshole on a White Horse
24
1a: Who is Mr. Wrong and What Makes Him So Attractive?
24
1b: The Womanizer, the Player, and the Pick-up Artist
43
1c: What Makes Them Tick? - Underlying Themes
57
1d: Why Do Women Fall for the Wrong Guy?
73
Chapter 2 - I just couldnt help it
94
(Fun facts about evolution, pheromones, testosterone, genetics and
free choice)
Chapter 3 - Alternative Relationships
111
3a: Is Monogamy Outdated?
114
3b: Other Cultures
122
3c: Open Relationships, Polygamy and Other Tastes
131
3d: Exploring and Pushing Boundaries
146
Chapter 4 - To Lie, to Please and to Delete
166
(What is the truth, anyway?)
Chapter 5 - Is Mr. Right as Faithful as You Think?
191
(Alibi sites, espionage stores, chastity belts and other false securities)
Chapter 6 - Can He Change? (No.)
216
Chapter 7 - Is There Hope? (Yes.)
220
Chapter 8 - Ms. Wrong
241
Chapter 9 - The Dip: Break it Off or Stick it Out?
287
Chapter 10 - Now What?
304
Acknowledgements
315
Bibliography 317
INTERVIEWS
Henk (52) is a successful entrepreneur who splits his time
between Monaco and Las Vegas. Hes seduced hundreds of
women with his striking appearance, long hair and provocative boyish looks.
87
Yvonne (48) and Peter have been married for 31 years. They
each have a 10-year relationship on the side.
111
Geert (63) talks about his pursuit and exploration of polygamy; the flip-side of monogamy.
121
Elza (39) realized at a young age that her mother had a boyfriend outside of her marriage with Elzas father. That relationship lasted until both men passed away 25 years later. Elza
describes the doubts, the understanding that slowly dawned
and her own relationship choices.
143
Lotte (40) tells how she made room in her life, head and
heart for a non-monogamous man. And how difficult that can
sometimes be.
158
Andre (48) is an entrepreneur and avid sailor based on a tropical island. For years, he was seen as the stereotypical bad boy
and player, having seduced more than 250 women. Hes been
in a serious relationship with Bette for the last two years.
233
Iris (28) has worked in various massage clinics both in the

Netherlands and abroad. Shes extremely open to sex with
strange men. More than 100 men have gone to bed with her
for a happy ending after their massage.
259
Richard (42) is an entrepreneur and well-known singer. He considers himself a player, having seduced more than 50 women
- even during his marriage. Hes met his match, however, in the
much younger Anita. Shes the epitome of a maneater, coming
from a generation with completely different standards. Im
hopelessly addicted. And I have no idea where this is going
265
CONTRIBUTIONS
The Manwhore by psychologist and therapist Marcelino
Lopez
Successful Relationship? Choosing the Right Convictions
by Ageeth Veenemens
A Little White Lie: Is That Okay? by Marcelino Lopez
In Therapy by Marcella Hagenaar
Smart&Sexy Advice by Lisa Portengen
Dear Reflection, Please Do Tell... by Annemarie Postma
Bad Boys Are People Too by Marian Mudder
80
140
170
225
270
280
301
TEST YOURSELF
o The Right vs. Wrong Test

o The Monogamy Test
o Test: How Poly Are You?
o Where Are Your Boundaries?
o How To Recognize A Liar
o Is He Cheating?
20
114
135
147
184
208
Martin - My Story
1. Mr. Wrong
2. Temptation
3. Confusion
4. Club M.
5. Parallel Processing
6. In Love (With Someone Else)
7. Knocked Up (His Ex)
8. Missed Opportunity
9. Cold Turkey
10. Goodbye
11. Second Chance
12. Probation
13. Emergency Brake
14. Trust
15. Evidence
16. Grief
17. Analysis
18. Reconciliation?
19. Turning Point
20. Starting Over
21. Epilogue
16
38
54
67
83
91
108
128
154
162
180
189
204
212
218
238
262
276
283
297
314
Have You Found Your Mr. Wrong Yet?
PREFACE
Do you have any idea how hard it is to write a book about Mr. Wrong
while youre on a romantic Caribbean sailing cruise with him?
While Martin cooks eggs for me in the morning and washes the dishes
afterward as usual, I go digging through our past. As he plans our route
and sails to the next majestic sandy white beach lined with palm trees,
Im remembering his flirtatious Skype sessions with other women. While
romantically sipping cocktails on the beach, I cant help but think back
to the time his ex claimed to be carrying his child. While Martins out
catching fish, cleaning them, and making sure all my needs are met, Im
flipping through my dairy, reading about how awful I felt and how I questioned my relationship with this (former?) playboy. And yet, here he is,
giving me all the space I need to think and write. The sweeter he is, the
more difficulty I have remembering how it all began.
The first few years with Martin had more downs than ups. Extremely
good times laced with deep-seated doubts. What was I - an intelligent,
independent, confident woman - doing with the biggest womanizer on
the island? Would he break my heart with his charms, his smooth talk
and the promises so many other woman had fallen for? Or did he really
mean it this time?
After I met Martin, I started keeping a diary. As I read through it, it
strikes me that through all the ups and downs, I was constantly trying to
manage my expectations and change my frame of mind. The huge contrast between the unsavory events and uncertainties of the past and the
wonderful feelings I have for him now, together on this boat, is often
unbearable. Can you really leave the past behind?
That one question sparked a discussion that almost cost us our
relationship.
Why re-live the past? Martin asks me over and over again.
o---- 12 ----o
Preface
I feel very strongly that this story needs to be told. Not just for my own
analysis, but as a warning and maybe even a glimmer of hope for other
men and women going through the same thing. In the end, its not about
whether your man is (or was) Mr. Wrong or Mr. Right. What matters are
the choices you make in life. What is important to you? How comfortable
are you in your own skin?
The purpose of this book is to get you thinking about these things. Its for
anyone faced with the choice between reason and emotions, between
certainty and adventure, between the safety of the comfort zone and the
excitement and risk of personal development. Be it in love or any other
groundbreaking situation.
Since my first encounter with Martin, Ive put a lot of careful study into
the Mr. Wrong phenomenon. For the first time, I started to question
things like love, relationships, honesty and respect - things I had always
taken for granted. For instance, is it right for monogamy to be considered
the norm in our society? In the past few years, our ideas regarding work,
fulfillment, individuality and authority have changed and become more
flexible. Our views on relationships seem to be evolving at a much slower
pace.
Though the story of my relationship with Martin is a very personal one,
certain themes surface that many will be familiar with. What is right
and what is wrong? Which beliefs are yours and which are imposed by
culture, upbringing and society? To what extent do you dare to choose
adventure? And when do you fall back on a (false) sense of security? Do
you stay caught up in your fear or do you dare to stand on your own two
feet?
This is my story as I experienced it. Between chapters, youll find observations, interviews, statistics and anecdotes from other women, some of
them famous in The Netherlands. I chose to keep this information separate from my story because I didnt know then what I know now.
The topic of Mr. Wrong makes for fun and interesting discussions. Men
who identify with the term Mr. Wrong insist that there is no such thing
as right or wrong. Wannabes proudly proclaim to be him. Ive had a few
o---- 13 ----o
women email me their own stories. Some even offered to send me their
diaries. A selection of those experiences has been incorporated into this
book with permission and, at their request, anonymously.
Most men try to take the focus away from themselves by pointing out
that Ms. Wrong also exists. An entire chapter has been devoted to that
phenomenon. While my focus is on Mr. Wrong, everything described
within these pages can also be applied to Ms. Wrong. Some gay readers
indicated that it is even applicable to same-sex relationships. Everyone is
free to interpret this book as they choose.
Im an advocate of the no excuses philosophy, and my aim is to carry
that over into love relationships. There is never an excuse for NOT doing
what you really want. Whether it leads to an adventurous life with Mr.
Wrong (with all the risks and pleasures it brings) or to the end of a relationship thats more trouble than its worth.
I want to challenge you to let go of your inhibitions and answer these
questions for yourself from a fresh perspective. Its more about the
journey you make to arrive at the answers than it is about the answers
themselves.
o---- 14 ----o
You cant control an independent heart

Cant tear the one you love apart
Forever conditioned to believe that we cant live
We cant live here and be happy with less
So many riches, so many souls
Everything we see we want to possess
If you love somebody, set them free Sting
o---- 15 ----o
Martin 1 - Mr. Wrong

I never thought it would happen to me. That an intelligent, independent woman like me would fall for the stereotypical Mr. Wrong.
Ive known Martin for a long time. He lives on a tropical island
I happen to frequent and we have a lot of mutual friends. Hes
the ultimate playboy; sun-kissed skin, an untamed mane of hair
bleached by the sun and sea, self-assured, aloof, relaxed and extremely charming. As a substitute physician, he doesnt work much. He
entertains his friends with cruises on his sailboat. Theres always a
party when Martins around. Hes constantly surrounded by beautiful women and he treats them all very affectionately. Every time
I see him, hes got a new woman on his arm. No wonder they call
him Doctor Love and the Sultan of Sofat (after the neighborhood he
lives in).
When I return to my beloved island after several years and have no
place to stay, Martin graciously offers me a room. I politely decline at
first, but I wind up at his place anyway. Turns out he lives in an enormous house along the water with a pool and all his boats docked
right outside the door. He shows me to my room with a private bath
and then, to my surprise, keeps mostly to himself, leaving me free to
do my own thing.
Our friends warn me about him - especially when they find out Im
staying with him: Weve heard so many women swear theyd never
fall for him, but in the end, they always do! I wave away their concern, saying that Im a confident woman and not the least bit sensitive to flirtatious advances. Admittedly though, I am quite curious
about all these borderline tall tales I keep hearing about Martin.
They cant possibly be true, can they?
It was there, in his home, that I came face-to-face with Martins
Casanova lifestyle. He regularly stays out until the wee hours of
the morning. Hes usually tipsy, which makes him clingy and needy.
Women fall for it all the time. Theres a constant stream of females calling or dropping by. His specialty appears to be women visi-
o---- 16 ----o
ting the island temporarily, mainly vacationers and interns. On the

weekends, he takes groups of girls on his boat to a secluded bay
for a cookout, each time selecting one lucky girl to add to his everpresent entourage
He maintains contact with them for a few weeks after they return
to the Netherlands, then slowly fades out of touch. And the women
keep coming and going, clearly flourishing under his attention. A
friend vacationing on the island falls for it the first night she stays
with us and becomes his latest conquest. I watch it all unfold in utter
fascination; how can these women knowingly fall for the most notorious womanizer on the island and still think theyre the only one
hes got eyes for?
Theres a small apartment complex in the area where the clientele
is predominantly attractive young women, and the landlord loves to
joke that Martins affections are included in the rent. Doctor Love
pays a house call to each lovely new tenant. And he must be doing
something right, because I havent heard a single complaint yet,
the landlord adds with a laugh.
Im beginning to see what he means, because lately I, too, have
been enjoying Martins hospitality and attention. Hes got a lot
of time on his hands and, like me, he enjoys sporty activities. He
teaches me to sail a boat and catamaran, and Im welcome to any
of the sailboats he has docked out front. Hes very attentive and
patient. Hes a good teacher, with plenty of humor, understanding
and undivided attention. We spend most mornings swimming
together in the sea and he shows me where to look for lobsters.
Nothing is too much for him: he buys the groceries, he cooks, he
helps me arrange all sorts of things and picks me up each time my
cheap rental car breaks down.
Besides vigor, hes got a sort of nonchalant awkwardness about him;
for starters, his clothes are always wrinkled, even after hes just
ironed them, and hes forever losing track of his keys, sunglasses
and cell phone. Im slowly beginning to understand what women
see in him, but one thought still prevails: no way
o---- 17 ----o
After a few weeks, our idle chitchat turns into meaningful conversation. Were now having deep discussions about spirituality and
western vs. alternative medicine. At first Martin is old fashioned
in his medical opinions. But before long, I notice hes looking up
things weve talked about on the internet and is beginning to open
up to other ideas.
I discover a sharp, intelligent and analytical mind behind the indifferent playboy facade. When his comically rigid attitude threatens
to bring our conversation to a grinding halt, he invariably resorts
to humor. His sense of humor is his biggest asset, and he uses it
to turn awkward situations around. I start to appreciate him more
and more as a human being and we develop a close and intimate
bond. Because Im so fascinated by this womanizing thing, I ask
him point-blank how he does it. You know, he sighs, Im tired of
casual sex and short-lived romance. I dont want that anymore.
When I ask him what he does want, he says: all I really want is
love.
He answers all my questions with complete honesty. His core philosophy is to live in the moment and to feel love. Thats why hes
formed this habit of constantly needing someone to love who will
offer him love and affection in return. If it ends up being more than
a fling, well just see how it goes, he explains.
For a (closet) chronic brooder like me who struggles to let go and
live in the moment, this is a fascinating approach. I may come across
very free-spirited, but it couldnt be further from the truth. Maybe
thats why it intrigues me so.
And because Martin has confided all of this in me, I feel special and
different from those other women.
I am naturally inclined to inquire after and discover what it is people
want out of life, so Martin has no hope of sliding by without an
interrogation. His dream sounds suspiciously like my adventurous
lifestyle and unconsciously speaks to my feminine side. I want to
o---- 18 ----o
sail around the world for a year with the girl of my dreams and come
back expecting our first child he confesses.
Nevertheless, I place everything thats going on outside of myself.
Martin is an interesting object of study which has nothing to do with
me and has no place in my life. The idea of getting involved with him
hasnt even crossed my mind.
o---- 19 ----o
The Right vs. Wrong Test

What do you consider to be right or wrong? Take a look at the situations and dilemmas below that typically come up in everyday life.
Complete the test and see how others view these issues later on in
this book:
Situations
O Okay by me
O Gray area X Wrong!
A woman sleeps with whomever she likes.

O O X
Someone in a long-term, steady relationship cheats just once.
O O X
A 25-year-old man has been with 30 different women.
O O X
A man visits a prostitute to relieve himself during his wifes
pregnancy
O O X
A single man gets involved with woman after woman, enjoys his
time with all of them, but never commits.
O O X
A 40-year-old woman neglects to tell the one-night stand she picks
up in a bar that she wants to have a baby.
O O X
A man on a first date confesses that hes not monogamous.
O O X
A man is married to two women and has children with both of them,
but the wives dont know about each other.
O O X
A 25-year-old woman has slept with 30 different men.
O O X
o---- 20 ----o
A man denies responsibility after discovering that his 40-year-old

one-night stand is (intentionally?) pregnant.
O O X
Someone in a long-term relationship tells their partner theyve
fallen in love with someone else but is choosing not to pursue those
feelings.
O O X
Someone has stopped having sex with their long-term partner for
whatever reason, wishes to stay in the relationship, but wants to
have sex with someone else.
O O X
A man pretends to be interested in a relationship just to get a
woman into bed.
O O X
A woman takes on a much younger lover.
O O X
Someone cheats on their partner and hides the affair, making sure
their partner doesnt catch on and isnt neglected in any way.
O O X
A man and two women are involved in a consensual three-way relationship. The man alternates between the two women.
O O X
You begin an affair with your partners best friend or sibling.
O O X
A couple in an open relationship where both parties are free to
have sex with others.
O O X
o---- 21 ----o
Dilemmas
If you had a choice, which type of partner/relationship would you
choose?
o An exciting relationship with someone whos attractive, sweet, charming and lavishes you with attention, but who has flings on the side.
o A decent, honest, reliable partner who may not always take the
initiative or make an effort, but who is predictable and will stick
with you. You know for sure theyll never stray.
What do you consider to be unacceptable in a relationship?
o Having a friend of the opposite sex.
o Having intimate conversations with someone of the opposite
sex.
o Flirting with someone else.
o Kissing someone else.
o Making out with someone else, but not having sex.
o Having sex with someone else, as long as it doesnt lead to love
or a relationship.
o In an open relationship, anything is possible.
If youre happy with your relationship, your partner and the
amount of attention you receive, would you want to know if he/
she was cheating on you?
o Yes I would want to know everything and it would mean the end
of our relationship.
o Yes I would want to know.
o Id only want to know if my partner fell in love with someone else
or the affair turned into a relationship.
o Im against cheating and all for honesty, but Id prefer not to
know. I enjoy our relationship and if I knew, it would ruin what
we have.
o No, I wouldnt want to know as long as my partner practices safe
sex.
o No, I wouldnt want to know and I wouldnt want to talk about it.
I dont even want to think about it
o My partner would never do that!
o---- 22 ----o
What is your take on the following statement?

You cant demand monogamy, you have to earn it...
o Disagree! This is utter nonsense. A love relationship begins with
monogamy, not the other way around.
o I dont know. It kind of makes sense.
o I absolutely agree. Monogamy should develop organically out of
a relationship; its not a given.
What is your definition of Mr. Wrong? What makes him so attractive to certain women? What is it that makes him bad?
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------Can Mr. Wrong change his ways?
o No.
o No, you cant change someones character
o Maybe, if he meets the right person.
o Maybe. You should always give someone the benefit of the
doubt. Everyone deserves a chance.
o Yes. This is most likely just one side of his character. The other
side just needs a chance to develop.
o Yes. Anyone can change if they really want to.
o Yes.
o---- 23 ----o
1a The Asshole on the White Horse
Who is Mr. Wrong and What Makes Him so

Attractive?
Prince Bernhard, husband of Queen Juliana of the Netherlands, is a prime
example of Mr. Wrong. His role before and during World War II is questionable. His marriage to Juliana is rumored to have been arranged by
family and not a union of love. Evidence that he tended to stray from the
societal norms of fidelity, honesty and financial integrity is substantial.
The television series Bernhard, Scoundrel of Orange also portrays the
charming side of players like Bernhard and their effect on women like
Juliana. He showered her with tokens of affection and always knew
exactly what she needed. He also helped her develop in her demanding
role as Queen. Despite the lies, mistresses, illegitimate children and a
slew of other problems brought on by Bernards behavior, Juliana said to
him on her deathbed, You have made me so happy
That sentiment stayed with me long after watching the series. If thats
what it all boiled down to, how wrong could it have been? Would Juliana have felt the same if shed married a dull, boring, conventional man?
With these questions in mind, I began my investigation of the world of
the loveable Mr. Wrong. What makes a man bad? What makes him so
attractive? I asked 300 people to answer these questions in the Great Mr.
Wrong Survey.
Peter Koch,
www.stripstudio.nl
o---- 24 ----o
Chapter 1 - The Asshole on the White Horse
WHO IS MR. WRONG?
A MAN WHO GOES THROUGH COUNTLESS WOMEN

AND NEVER COMMITS MR. WRONG SLIPS OFF HIS
WEDDING RING WHEN HE SEES AN ATTRACTIVE WOMAN.
WHY IS HE SO ATTRACTIVE? HE KNOWS JUST WHAT TO
SAY; EXPERIENCE WITH HIS OWN WIFE TAUGHT HIM THAT
A MAN YOULL NEVER HAVE ALL TO YOURSELF
SOMEONE WHO LURES YOU IN, THEN PUSHES YOU AWAY
A CHARMER WITH CHARISMA AND AN IRRESISTIBLE
ATTRACTION. A SMOOTH TALKER, INTRIGUING, WITH
A SENSE OF HUMOR DECEPTIVE YOU KNOW HELL
NEVER BE YOURS, BUT HE KNOWS HOW TO PLAY YOU
SO YOU KEEP HOLDING OUT HOPE A HANDSOME,
CHARMING, REAL MAN WHO KNOWS JUST WHAT A
CATCH HE IS. HE KNOWS HOW TO WRAP A WOMAN
AROUND HIS FINGER BUT REMAINS UNATTAINABLE MR.
WRONG MAKES A GIRL FEEL SPECIAL AND UNIQUE, BUT
HE DOES SO FOR SEVERAL WOMEN AT THE SAME TIME
HE PLAYS ON YOUR INSECURITIES; HELL PUT YOU ON A
PEDESTAL ONE MINUTE AND BE COMPLETELY UNAVAILABLE
THE NEXT EVEN THOUGH YOU KNOW IN YOUR HEART
THAT HES A PLAYER, YOU HOPE YOULL BE THE ONE
TO TAME HIM. THATS THE CHALLENGE THE THOUGHT
THAT THE GRASS MIGHT BE GREENER ELSEWHERE MAKES
HIM RESTLESS A MAN WHO SWEEPS YOU OFF YOUR
FEET BUT, IN THE END, DOESNT REALLY MEAN ANY OF
IT SOMEONE WHO SUFFERS FROM COMMITMENT AND
ABANDONMENT ISSUES SIMULTANEOUSLY A MAN WHO
WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO GET YOU (INTO BED)
AND THEN GOES AWOL A CHEATER DISINTERESTED
JERK A GUY WHO FLIRTS WITH ANOTHER WOMAN
o---- 25 ----o
DURING A NICE DINNER OUT WITH HIS GIRLFRIEND

ITS HIS ACTIONS THAT ARE WRONG, NOT HIM THE
REASON MORE AND MORE WOMEN ARE BECOMING
LESBIANS A PLAYER KNOWS ALL TOO WELL HOW TO
LAVISH A WOMAN WITH ATTENTION, BUT HOLDS BACK
JUST ENOUGH TO KEEP HER WANTING MORE YOU
ARE NOT TO GO AFTER HIM. HE IS THE HUNTER AND YOU
ARE HIS PREY. THE FUN IS OVER WHEN THE RABBIT STARTS
CHASING THE HUNTER
Everyone wants to feel special. Players, charmers and womanizers know
how to play the game. In this book, I want to look deeper into the loveable side of Mr. Wrong. The kind of guy that makes a girls heart skip a
beat. Con-artists, criminals, aggressors and other unforgivably bad men
have all been left out.
o---- 26 ----o
WHAT MAKES MR. WRONG SO ATTRACTIVE?
HE MADE ME FEEL SPECIAL: BEAUTIFUL, DESIRABLE

AND VALUED THROUGH HIM, I (RE)DISCOVERED
MY FEMININITY LIFE WAS ONE BIG ADVENTURE;
I DID THINGS I NEVER WOULD HAVE DARED TO DO
OTHERWISE MORE THAN 40 FUN TEXT MESSAGES
EVERY DAY MY MR. WRONG WAS RESOURCEFUL. IN
THE BEGINNING, HE WAS ALSO ROMANTIC. HE GAVE
ME ROSES, RINGS, PERFUME, LINGERIE. HE WOULD
SURPRISE ME WITH A TENDER KISS ON MY NECK WHILE
WE STOOD WAITING FOR A DRAWBRIDGE TO CLOSE
HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS THE ONLY WOMAN ON
EARTH FUN AND SURPRISING DATES; BREAKFAST AT
ONE PLACE, LUNCH AT ANOTHER. A TANDEM BIKE WAITING TO TAKE US TO A CHAMPAGNE PICNIC IN A CASTLE
GARDEN WHERE HE PRESENTED ME WITH A WATCH
MAKING LOVE IN FORBIDDEN PLACES. LIKE AN RV
LOT I WAS IN HEAVEN. HE WORSHIPPED ME AND
I WAS COMPLETELY CAPTIVATED BY HIM. THIS DOWNTO-EARTH GIRL TRANSFORMED INTO MISS DREAMER
ON VALENTINES DAY HE DECORATED AN EMPTY PARKING LOT WITH CANDLES SO WE COULD HAVE A PICNIC
AT NIGHT HE ALLOWED ME TO FORGET THE WORLD
AROUND ME AND JUST DO WHATEVER I WANTED
HAVING DRINKS ON A PRIVATE JET OVER THE NORTH
SEA YOU KNOW ITS WRONG AND THATS WHAT MAKES
IT SO LIBERATING NIGHTLY TEXTS AND PHONE CALLS.
SEX, EXCITEMENT, FLIRTATION HE WOULD SWING
BY AT NIGHT WHILE MY DAUGHTER SLEPT; THE GOOD
COMPANY AND GREAT SEX WAS ALWAYS WELCOME
ADVENTURE. LIFE WAS ONE BIG PARTY HE SHOWED
ME A LIFE OF LUXURY I HAD NEVER KNOWN BEFORE.
o---- 27 ----o
HE MADE ME FEEL LIKE I WAS ENOUGH FOR HIM HE

MADE THE RULES, AND, DEEP DOWN, IT FELT DIVINE
RIDING THROUGH TOWN IN A HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGE. CRUISING INTO THE CITY IN HIS CONVERTIBLE TO
ENJOY THE MUSIC AT A SMALL CAFE. THEN LETTING ME
DRIVE BACK AND COMPLIMENTING MY DRIVING STYLE
I FELT SPECIAL BECAUSE I THOUGHT I HAD WON HIM
OVER...
o---- 28 ----o
Of course, there is a flip-side to all those wonderful feelings. Mr. Wrong

causes a lot of heartache. Theres a very fitting quote circulating online
that says: being with the wrong man is like playing a slot machine; you
put everything youve got into it but you rarely get anything in return.
When youre sitting at a slot machine you know your chances of winning
are slim. So why do we do it? Because of that small chance that well win
big? Or because we enjoy the excitement?
Theres no such thing as risk-free adventure. Absolute security is hard to
come by in life. And with Mr. Wrong, youre already starting off on the
wrong foot. (Which is all well and good if you want to guarantee that
everything goes south. But even then, hes so good at giving false hope
that you can never really be certain of anything)
Its only words

and words are all I have
to take your heart away...
Bee Gees
o---- 29 ----o
THE RIGHT VERSUS WRONG TEST RESULTS

More than 300 participants rated the following situations as part of
the Great Mr. Wrong Survey.
O Okay by me
O Gray area X Wrong!!!
Someone in a long-term, steady relationship cheats just once.

O 50.0 % O 35.3 %
X 14.7 %
A 25-year-old man who has been with 30 different women.
O 48.5 %
O 26.5 % X 25.0 %
A man visits a prostitute to relieve himself during his wifes
pregnancy.
O 13.2 %
O 17.6 % X 69.2 %
A single man gets involved with woman after woman, enjoys his
time with each of them, but never commits.
O 76.5 %
O 13.2 % X 10.3 %
A man on a first date confesses that hes not monogamous.
O 83.6 %
O 6.0 %
X 10.4 %
A man is married to two women and has children with both of them,
but the wives dont know about each other.
O 3.0 %
O 3.0 %
X 94.0 %
A man who denies responsibility after discovering that his 40-yearold one-night stand is (intentionally?) pregnant.
O 22.4 %
O 46.3 % X 31.3 %
Someone in a long-term relationship tells their partner theyve
fallen in love with someone else but is choosing not to pursue those
feelings.
O 70.1 %
O 19.5 % X 10.4 %
Someone has stopped having sex with their long-term partner for
whatever reason, wishes to stay in the relationship, but wants to
have sex with someone else.
O 20.9 %
O 50.7 % X 28.4 %
o---- 30 ----o
A man pretends to be interested in a relationship just to get a

woman into bed.
O 10.4 %
O 10.4 % X 79.2 %
Someone who cheats on their partner and hides the affair, making
sure their partner doesnt catch on and isnt neglected in any way.
O 14.9 %
O 25.4 % X 59.6 %
A man and two women are involved in a consensual three-way relationship. The man alternates between the two women.
O 82.1 %
O 7.5 %
X 10.4 %
You begin an affair with your partners best friend or sibling.
O 10.3 %
O 8.8 %
X 80.9 %
A couple in an open relationship where both parties are free to
have sex with others.
O 76.5 %
O 13.2 % X 10.3 %
What is wrong?
I find it interesting to see how contradictory our beliefs can be. Almost
half of those surveyed agreed that its okay for a 25-year-old man to have
gone through 30 different sex partners, while 25% viewed that same
behavior as wrong.
Fifty percent of respondents felt that cheating once was acceptable for
someone in a stable, long-term relationship. Yet 14.7% classified it as
extremely wrong. The rest find themselves in a bit of a gray area, which
means theyve either yet to form an opinion or they feel that the answer
depends on the individual situation.
o---- 31 ----o
The top five most wrong cases
1) The bigamist whos been married to two women for several years
without either wifes knowledge or consent. (94% found this
unacceptable.)
2) Having an affair with your partners best friend or sibling. (80.9%
found this unacceptable. A striking 10.4% felt that this was okay.)
3) A man pretending to be interested in a relationship just to get a
woman into bed. (79.1% disapproved. 10.4% had no problem with
it.)
4) A man who visits a prostitute during his wifes pregnancy. (69.1%
found it unacceptable. 13.2% saw nothing wrong with it.)
5) Cheating without your partners knowledge or the feeling that
theyre being neglected. (59.7% felt that this was wrong. 14.9% had
no objections.)
Whichever side of the fence youre on, right vs. wrong certainly makes
for a lively debate. The typical bad boys I interviewed for this book emphasized that there really is no right or wrong. Some seemed to regard the
term Mr. Wrong as an honorary title while others viewed it as a disgrace.
A newly-divorced, upstanding family man confided that hed recently
begun to receive a lot of attention from women and that he occasionally
takes them up on their offers. Afraid that this might result in a broken
heart here or there, he resolutely labeled himself Mr. Wrong. Another
man told me even he felt his behavior was extremely wrong. Sometimes you just want sex or a little attention, he confessed. He became
quite emotional as he explained that, while his girlfriend was crazy about
him, he was, as he put it, not quite as in love with her. He felt like hed
misled her. Despite my best efforts to convince him that this was not
typical Mr. Wrong behavior, he continued to blame himself, even though
their relationship had only lasted a few months.
o---- 32 ----o
WHO IS MR. WRONG?

TIGER WOODS. MICK JAGGER. JOHN F. KENNEDY. PRINCE.
GEORGE BEST. ARNOLD SCHARZENEGGER. DOMINIQUE
STRAUSS-KAHN. PRINCE ALBERT. FRANCOIS MITTERRAND.
SILVIO BERLUSCONI. REGILIO TUUR. EDGAR DAVIDS. PATRICK
KLUIVERT. CHARLIE SHEEN. BILL CLINTON. HUGH GRANT.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY. FRANK SINATRA. BORIS BECKER.
GEORGE CLOONEY. EDDIE MURPHY.
At first glance, these men dont seem to have much in common. Yet
theyve all been labeled Mr. Wrong.
Is Mr. Wrong a teen discovering his sexuality, leaving a trail of broken
hearts in his wake? A married man who takes off his wedding ring when
hes out on the town? A lifelong bachelor who surrounds himself with
beautiful women, all the while making it clear that hes not interested
in commitment? A man who visits a prostitute? A man who goes against
the grain and enters into an open relationship, for example? Or do we
reserve the title for a man who seduces women only to break their
hearts?
Is it one tragically wrong move or a succession of small transgressions
that make him Mr. Wrong?
Maybe its just an umbrella term for men who behave differently than
what is expected of them. Two characterizations prevailed throughout
the Great Mr. Wrong Survey: women with no experience with this type
of man described him as self-centered, egotistical, a liar, a wimp and a
bastard, while women with first-hand experience with the Mr. Wrong
phenomenon also touched on his more attractive aspects: a charming
man who is dishonest about his intentions and/or doesnt want to tie
himself down, but makes you feel like a woman from head to toe.
Themes that surfaced repeatedly were: charm, meeting your needs,
attention, security, intimacy, excitement, mischievous, persuasive, charismatic, seductive, unattainable, irresistible. He keeps enough distance
to stay just out of your reach. Mr. Wrong makes you feel extraordinary
and special.
o---- 33 ----o
What makes him wrong?

A large majority of those interviewed voiced the following points:
o You never know if hes being sincere or if its just part of his routine.
o Hes not open or honest about the fact that hes seeing other women.
o He awakens expectations and makes all sorts of promises, but doesnt
keep them.
o He says exactly what you want to hear, but he does that with
everyone.
o Youre constantly starved for his attention.
o The day will come when he abandons you or you find out hes already
got a main relationship
When he took me out to dinner,

I overheard the waiter say to his coworker:
The one last week was prettier.
o---- 34 ----o
What makes him so much fun?

The one thing all bad boys have in common is the effect they have on
women. They possess an irresistible power of attraction. You know hes
wrong, but you choose not to think about it. You just want to enjoy that
wonderful feeling he gives you. You let yourself be swept away in the illusion hes creating. The women I surveyed were very explicit when describing what makes Mr. Wrong so much fun; the excitement, the flirtation,
covert meetings and secret conversations, great sex in the most unexpected places. Passion, feeling like a woman again. Compliments, relishing
stolen moments together, seduction and plenty of attention.
I want to thank you

for giving me the best day of my life
Oh just to be with you
is having the best day of my life
Dido
Mr. Right?
If all that sums up Mr. Wrong, how do we define his antithesis? Heres
how the women surveyed described Mr. Right: trustworthy, serious,
boring, complacent, a nice guy, a pal, wants to settle down, a goodygoody, the neighborly type, wimpy, does crossword puzzles, honest, responsible, a family man, committed, sensitive, follows you around like a
lost puppy, a softie, a man you can rely on, honest, straightforward, what
you see is what you get, stable.
Its worth noting that the responses to this segment of the survey describe two distinct versions of Mr. Right:
o The perfect, good man
o A boring man
Needless to say, those women whod had bad experiences with men
were inclined to describe the perfect, good man as the opposite of Mr.
Wrong. The women whod had a taste of the adventurous life with Mr.
Wrong tended to describe his counterpart as a boring man.
o---- 35 ----o
I keep falling for the wrong guys.

I dont want to have anything to do with jerks.
My ideal man is masculine, funny and a little crazy.
But thats asking for trouble
since those men are usually already taken.
Expectations
Mr. Wrong is a label that is often applied too easily. Like, when a woman
is disappointed with her man or the progression of the relationship,
for example - regardless of whether the issue is his behavior or her
expectations.
In her book Wusses! (Slappe Zakken!) author Astrid Theunissen writes
about her quest to find a father for her unborn child. The men who told
her up front that they didnt want children (or at least not with her) were
unceremoniously dubbed wusses.
It appears as though expectations play an important role when assessing
an affair with Mr. Wrong. Women who thought they had a relationship
with such a man were generally disappointed. Those who were able to
enjoy being in the moment and had few expectations or demands, experienced more pleasure from the encounters.
Martins take on this subject: Why is Mr. Wrong being discussed

in a relational context? You shouldnt want a relationship with Mr.
Wrong. Mr. Wrong is just for fun: enjoy it while it lasts. Theyre
not looking for a relationship. If it turns into one, well, then theyll
see where it leads. When it becomes an actual relationship, theyll
straighten themselves out all on their own. Mr. Wrong is just an
ordinary guy, a free man whos not tied down, who enjoys life, the
women around him and his independence.
o---- 36 ----o
You carried me all the way to my bed

Since then, you havent heard a word Ive said
Im not walking this road alone
I cant make a couple by myself.
The Man Without a Plan. From the collection of poems titled Wrong
Man Magnet by Margaret Jenkins Kathman.
o---- 37 ----o
Martin 2 - Temptation
This one day Im having drinks with a good friend. Hes trying to hit
on me, so I tell him Im not interested. Frustrated, he asks Well
what kind of guy is your type, then? I take his question seriously
and start thinking out loud. Intelligent, original, unconventional,
adventurous. Someone who is confident and doesnt feel like he has
to prove anything. Humor is really important, too.
Do you know any men like that? he asks. So far, Ive yet to meet
anyone who fits that description, and I dont expect to either. But all
of a sudden, Martin pops into my head. It comes as a complete shock.
Hes not that far off from my ideal man! I had never thought about it
beforeFor the first time, Im seeing him in a totally different light.
I return home that evening with this lovely, strange, conflicted feeling.
I see the potential, the opportunity. But I also see the enormous risk.
Should I just let go and see what happens? Or not take any chances
since theres really no hope of it working out anyway? Ive been staying with Martin for several weeks now, observing him like some sort
of anthropological project. But now Im on a different mission.
Its extraordinary to meet someone who, just like me, chooses not
to live by the book, makes his own decisions and dares to be adventurous. All our conversations confirm my feeling that we approach
life in the same way. I find Im no longer an observer. Without even
realizing it, Ive begun to invest in him.
When he comes home drunk, I ask him why he drinks so much.
I think its a shame, I explain. Youre such a fun and intelligent
person, but all that disappears when youre drunk and you just
become annoying. He seems surprised that Ive noticed and my
concern seems to flatter him. He tells me Im right and promises to
be more cognizant of it in the future. I feel a rush of excitement.
I have so many fun experiences with Martin. Like the time we found
out about this Pimps and Hoes party in town. Id love to go, I tell
him, but I dont have anything appropriate to wear for the occa-
o---- 38 ----o
sion. Come, Martin says, and takes me to his room. He opens

a closet and, to my surprise, there are rows of womens shoes, a
garbage bag filled with lace panties and stacks of skirts, T-shirts
and blouses. I stare at him in disbelief. Left behind by tourists, he
explains with a shrug.
You mean your little girlfriends, I think. But then again, who would
go home without their shoes, clothes or underwear?!?
At his urging, I pick out a pair of extremely tacky silver heels, a super
short skirt and a trashy leather top. Meanwhile, Martin puts on a
velvet tiger print shirt, combs gel through his hair and slings a silver
beaded garland from the Christmas tree around his neck. We share
a good laugh over our ultra-speedy makeover. I fill some Ziplock
bags with powdered sugar to double as cocaine and we jump into
Martins beat-up white convertible, ready to party.
Much to our disappointment, we turn out to be the only ones dressed up. We walk around town like a couple of idiots in our ridiculous costumes. We pick up two friends and make a tour to all the
strip clubs and brothels on the island. Its an absolute riot; the locals
honk at us as we drive through the streets, yelling their sympathies.
Our motley crew garners strange looks from the Dutch people we
pass. Despite my short skirt and tiny top, I feel almost overdressed
next to the pole-dancers and prostitutes in the clubs we visit.
Martin and I end the evening dancing a close bachata together in this
hooker bar on top of a hill with an amazing view. In short, we have a
fantastic evening. The kind you remember for the rest of your life.
o---- 39 ----o
Every day we do something fun, something new, something special.

We go sailboat racing with a bunch of fun people on board. Even
though theres not much wind, Martin manages to turn it into a
party. Hes a great sailor and keeps his focus on the race. Everyone
else, on the other hand, has been drinking beer and completely forgets to pull the line entrusted to them when it comes time to tack.
Another time, we bring a book about islands with us to a restaurant
and sit dreaming up a trip to some of the best ones. Martin starts
dropping more and more hints that I could be the woman of his
dreams.
I had been in relationships before, but never really felt the need to
settle down. Adventure beckoned and I was far too autonomous
and independent to give that up for a man and the ordinary life that
so often accompanies him. But Im touched when this audacious
man expresses an interest in settling down with me - after all those
other women. I met a man who just might be off-kilter enough to
suit me, I write in my diary.
And as odd as it may sound, I feel a sense of security with Martin
that, as a child of divorced parents, Id missed out on most of my life.
Id never noticed it before, but now that I recognize it for what it is,
I feel like Ive come home. The domesticity, the intimacy, the attention, caring for someone and being taken care of. All the feelings I
had always been against or thought I could do without. But now that
Ive tasted them, I want more. Ive always been the strong and selfreliant one. To have ultimately found security in such an unreliable
man
I hold him off for weeks, despite the mounting sexual tension between us. Every day we spend together is filled with all sorts of
fun things. He is so charming and makes me feel so good that we
inevitably end up sharing a kiss. One thing leads to another and I
find myself in bed with the man who has seduced just about every
woman on this island.
o---- 40 ----o
But now, lying here together, he tells me how good it feels to be

with me. And I believe him, too. It all feels so real, so natural
Im starting to feel deliriously happy, the alarm in my head slowly
fades into silence, and I start to think that this could turn out to
be something very special. The next day, a friend pulls me aside to
warn me once more about Martin. Whatever youre planning to
do, dont do it! For your own sake. Not wanting to give myself away,
I say to him with all the confidence I can muster, Dont worry, I
know Martins no good for me. I can take care of myself. I appreciate
your concern but, really, I can handle this. I tell myself that what
Martin and I have is special, even though to an outsider, it probably
looks like the same game he was playing with all the others. Theres
Mr. Wrong and then theres Mr. Dead Wrong, my friend continues.
Dont you get it? Martin strings 10, sometimes 12 women along
with that tired old story; that he might be willing to change for her,
that he wants her to have his baby My stomach turns He says
those things to everyone? Could it be that the special feeling I get
when Im with him isnt real? Is it just his trademark?! I dont want
to believe it, but deep down I know my friend is right. A single thought shoots through my mind: if all of this really was part of Martins
plan, he must be truly evil. And I bought it! I feel so stupid. Worst
of all, that special thing I thought we had together turned out to be
anything but.
The knot in my stomach sits there for days. I begin to distance
myself. I tell Martin that I dont feel comfortable with him after all.
Hes extremely understanding: If it doesnt feel right to you, well
just take things down a notch, go back to when things did feel right.
I move out and start taking on house sitting gigs around the neighborhood, but we still see each other often. Martin is as sweet, attentive and charming as ever. Hell put an arm around me or give me a
hug, even out in public. He opens the door for me, cooks for me and
sends me cute text messages. He doesnt put any pressure on me
and lets me have my space.
o---- 41 ----o
After a while my resistance begins to crumble. Im still questioning

whats real and whats not. All sorts of thoughts swim through my
head, drowning out the warnings. Surely he means the things he
says - it just feels so right. Okay, so he hasnt exactly been an upstanding guy, but how do I proceed with that knowledge? Do I cut off
all contact? He hasnt wronged me in any way (yet). On the contrary: hes been nothing but attentive and sweet. Can I still get some
enjoyment out of it? So what if hes like this with multiple women.
If its just for the few weeks that Im here, as long as it feels good,
what harm can it do?
I give myself permission to start enjoying his attentions again. But
its disappointing that this thing between us isnt as real or as pure
as Id navely allowed myself to believe. I cant bring myself to make
love with him anymore either. I get the feeling that its just part of
a routine for him, and I have no desire to stoop to that level. I dont
want Martin to see me as just another notch in his belt and I certainly dont want him to treat me like one. But we do cuddle and
kiss every now and then, and do fun things together on the island,
and it feels good. And so we pass the time. These wonderful feelings
slowly carry me away and, once again, Im beginning to forget just
who it is Im dealing with
o---- 42 ----o
1b THE ASSHOLE ON THE WHITE HORSE
The Womanizer, the Player and the Pick-up Artist

Most of the women with fond memories of Mr. Wrong were dealing with
either the womanizer, the player or the pick-up artist.
These types have more sexual contacts compared to other men, sometimes as many as three or more a week over a prolonged period.1
At first glance, players (pick-up artists included) and womanizers seem
synonymous; theyre both charming and know precisely what you want.
The major difference between the two is that the player views the
romance as a game, while for the womanizer, its just as real as it is to
his conquests.
The players focus is on the power. Satisfying his own lust is his primary
concern and his sexual partner becomes little more than an object. The
much smaller group of womanizers is more interested in connection and
intimacy. They have a natural tendency to please women and are more
than able to do so.
The Womanizer
I can get any woman I want a Dutch actor told Elle Netherlands Magazine. Seduction is not a trick, it has to come from the heart. If I really like
a woman, suddenly Im capable of anything. All of a sudden I can write
poetry or I can cook really well. A woman wants a man to put her on a
pedestal.
The womanizer can read a woman like a book. Whether good or bad,
attractive or ugly, she arouses his curiosity, his desire to discover her, to
read her. In order to enjoy sex, he needs a certain level of emotional or
intellectual tension. The woman has to need him, to want him, to love
him. Its because of this focus and his sincere attention that it feels so
real for the women involved.
Giacomo Casanova is probably the best-known womanizer in history. In
his memoirs (more than 4,500 pages worth), he describes in detail his
1
The Casanova Complex: Compulsive Lovers and Their Women (Peter Trachtenberg)
o---- 43 ----o
relationships with 150 of the hundreds of women he seduced throughout his eventful life. During the eighteenth century that was an unprecedented achievement. In her historical novel Casanovas Women: The
Great Seducer and the Women He Loved, Judith Summers writes: He
has had women in almost every city, town and port on his remarkable
64,000-kilometre journey around Europe, and sometimes on the coach
journeys in between. He has slept with actresses and opera singers,
housekeepers and shopkeepers, a slave and a serf, lawyers wives and
businessmens daughters, noble women and fallen women, high-class
courtesans and common whores. He has made love to and experienced
married ladies and he has deflowered countless virgins. He has enjoyed
sex with women in their late fifties, and - a particular predilection of his
- girls as young as eleven years old (which was not uncommon in those
days).
His secret? According to Casanova, theres not a woman in the world
who can resist the advances of a man determined to seduce her. Even
as a small boy he was fascinated by women. Over time, he learned how
they thought and felt about life, literature, love and men. He learned
how to talk to women, how to make them laugh and how to befriend
them. He learned to love women as they loved him.
Seducing women is second nature for the Casanova or Don Juan. Their
magnetic personalities make them irresistible to everyone around
them.
In the film Don Juan DeMarco, Johnny Depp plays a young man whose
insistence that he is Don Juan, the worlds greatest lover, lands him in a
psychiatric hospital. He claims to have made love to 1,503 women. With
just one look, Don Juan can determine what a woman wants, and then
give it to her. He offers her ultimate happiness which, in turn, makes him
happy too. The young patients power of attraction manages to charm all
the nurses - even the males. The psychiatrist charged with curing Don
Juan must become familiar with his patients life story and philosophy.
The psychiatrist is fascinated and, when he applies what hes learned on
his own wife, their relationship flourishes.
o---- 44 ----o
This type of man isnt so much addicted to the sex as he is to adding to

his endless list of conquests. This includes anyone he wishes to impress,
not just women. He goes to extremes to win their friendship and affection. If necessary, hell even resort to coercion or emotional blackmail to
get what he wants.
Love can evaporate just as quickly as it materialized. Either the womanizer himself disappears or he discovers the next love of his life. He can be
downright ruthless to those who no longer (or never did) interest him.
The end of an affair with a womanizer can leave a woman vulnerable, in
total confusion and despair. But she could just as easily look back on this
time with fond and happy memories of ultimate love and connection for
the rest of her life.
There is a happiness which is perfect and real as long as it lasts; it is

transient, but at its end does not negate its past existence and prevent
he who experienced it from remembering it.
Giacomo Casanova
What kind of woman falls for the womanizer? Any woman can succumb
to a womanizers charms, although it doesnt always feel as though
youre being victimized. Quite the opposite, actually. Youre being offered an extraordinary experience. A womanizer showers you with gifts,
attention and love. He can even break down the walls intelligent, confident women put up to defend themselves. But womanizers typically
have a preference for more vulnerable women.
o---- 45 ----o
The Player
Eliza, a confident American in her early forties, travels the world on
peacekeeping operations for the United Nations. After countless failed
relationships, shed given up all hope of settling down. Then she met a
man through a friend of a friend who, much to her surprise, didnt try to
sleep with her on the first date. They hit it off and would often go out to
eat or to the theatre together.
After a few weeks, he made it clear to her that he wanted to be more
than friends. Eliza preferred to wait until she was certain he wasnt just
trying to get her into bed. Three months later, they wound up in her hotel
room after dinner, where they made passionate love. Before climbing
out of bed he whispered to her tenderly: I think youre very sweet and
I sincerely hope you find a good man who wants to marry you. He got
dressed and disappeared. She never heard from him again.
Players are hunters. Its all about the chase, the score, getting the girl
in the sack; not about the friendship. This type of man either already
knows or makes it his business to learn the tricks necessary to turn a
situation in his favor. He loses interest the minute he gets what he wants.
For some of these men, as in Elizas case, the more difficult the chase,
the bigger the challenge, the more exciting it is. Most hunters prefer
setting their sights on the wounded and therefore easy prey. Women
who are insecure, who lack positive self-image, who are too young or not
quite so attractive are easy pickings for a man willing to give them some
attention. Whatever the pretense, once the hunter has caught his prey,
the thrill is over.
According to a large number of players, they meticulously study womens
behavior and are able to recognize the signals a woman subconsciously
gives off when shes interested or open to flirtation or a relationship.
They have extensive practice in what to say and do, and what reactions
they will provoke. Through years of experience, they perfect their techniques until they become second nature. A player is so well-versed in how
to approach women that he does it on autopilot, just like a Nascar driver
switching from one gear to another.
o---- 46 ----o
Over at bit.ly/player-smile youll find a comical clip of a player practicing his seductive smile. As soon as he lays on the charm, this initially unattractive man makes a complete transformation. As you can
see, he practices frequently to achieve the desired effect.
The player that needs to work a little harder than the rest is known as
the pick-up artist.
The Pick-Up Artist (PUA)

Some men know intrinsically how to woo a woman. Others dont believe
theyre cut out for it. Perhaps their lack of confidence stems from not
being considered conventionally attractive. They dont know what to say
to a woman or how to approach her. It was through the book The Game:
Penetrating the Secret Society of Pick-up Artists that I first learned of a
global network for men to exchange tips for picking up gorgeous women
that even the nerdiest among them could successfully employ.
In the books preface, author Neil Strauss writes: Men will deny it,
women will doubt it, but it is true. The American journalist describes
the underlying principles of being a successful PUA:
Dedicated to the thousands of people I talked to in bars, clubs, malls,
airports, grocery stores, subways and elevators over the last two years.
If you are reading this, I want you to know that I wasnt running game on
you. I was being sincere. Really. You were special.
Strauss immersed himself in the world of players for his revealing book.
He details the courses he followed and the PUAs he befriended. Strauss
learned quickly and put the insights he gained to use in his own life,
making the transformation from shy nerd to the worlds most legendary
PUA.
o---- 47 ----o

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Have You Found Your Mr. Wrong Yet? - Preview

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Have You Found Your

Mr. Wrong Yet?

EVERYTHING YOUVE EVER WANTED

This book isnt about him,

By the same author

2016 Esther Jacobs

Original title Heb jij al een foute man?

Iris (28) has worked in various massage clinics both in the

o The Right vs. Wrong Test